C.R. Guiliano's Blog, page 6
February 5, 2012
Six Sentence Sunday
Kiran opened the door, closed it and turned. He nearly gasped when his eyes landed on…Sander. The man was absolutely stunning and Kiran knew he hadn't seen him before. He would have remembered, and probably embarrassed himself by wanting to hump the guy's leg. And he was going to get to suck this God's cock? Oh yeah!! 
February 2, 2012
Flash Fiction Friday
"Jesse? Do you want to?" He asked me. I felt his warm hand wrap around my waist. This was scary. And exciting. Don and I'd come to the woods to be alone. Something difficult for us with our families being so interfering. I was sure I wanted to have sex. But with Don, it didn't feel like sex. It felt like lovemaking and that wasn't something I was prepared for. I didn't know of Don felt the same way, even though every touch from him was tender. I finally turned, threading my fingers through his dark hair. "Love me, please."
The Introduction of Characters - Haydin & Thad...
I know that many authors in the genre I write like to introduce their characters as practically real people. They have them do blogs; have them set up with their own Facebook accounts, etc. I find this a fascinating concept, though I have heard comments here and there that it's a silly, childish thing to do. I disagree. As a reader as well as an author, I think, to interact with a character from a beloved book is almost as grand and exciting as meeting and conversing with a true celebrity. To that end, I want to introduce a few characters. Knowing Haydin, he will try to take over the blog, so I will attempt to keep him on a short leash. His lover, Thad is much more laid back. They most likely will be surrounded by the minor characters that can't seem to stay away from them. I plan on introducing characters once a week and hope that you enjoy a glimpse into their banter, thoughts and personalities as much as I do.Haydin and Thad from Phoenix – Me: Alright Haydin, tell us how you and Thad are doing.Haydin: We're fine. Better than ever, though very tired from walking the halls with the twins.Me: So, finding fatherhood a bit daunting? Did you ever expect your life to go in that direction?Haydin: No, not really. When I realized I loved Thad, I thought it too late to ever get him back. No one knew where he was or what had happened to him. I never would have agreed to the commitment ceremony with Jonathan if I'd known Thaddy would come back.Me (watching Haydin stare over at Thad. Thad's face is fairly blank, so I decide to see about drawing him out of his shell): Thad? How are you handling all the extra responsibility?Thad: Uh, it's fine. I love Piper and Ryan. They're beautiful and make me laugh.Me (smiling): They would be how old now?Haydin: Six months.Clarissa: Haydin! She asked Thad, not you.Me (grinning now): Hi Clarissa! So, do you help with the babies?Clarissa (looking smug): I do. So does Shea. It's going to be such fun when they are older and Sharisa is old enough to play with them too.Thad: She's only three months younger, Rissa. She'll be growing up with them.Clarissa (rolling her eyes): I know big brother.Haydin (chuckling): Clarissa would have Sharisa sharing a crib with them if we didn't have the babies in bed with us, right babe?Thad (blushing): Yea, probably. Shea: Not on my watch! I love you guys, but we don't live in a commune. Next thing you know, you'll have us all sharing a bed. Haydin (laughing hard): Yea, no, I don't think so little brother. It's hard enough sharing Thad with the babies. I sure as hell am not sharing our bed with you or Clarissa. Not happening. I have a mind to make you guys babysit so I can get my man alone for two seconds.Shea: Two seconds, huh? Man, you don't last long. Thad: Shea!!!Hayden: Dream on Shea. I last plenty long enough. Thad's got nothing to complain about.Thad (looking coy): Neither do you.Shea (groaning): Oh man, you guys are going to degenerate into the trashy talk, aren't you? Come on Clarissa, time for us to go.Haydin (waving): See ya!! Call me later this week and we'll take the babies to the park.Me: Sounds as if you two are finally happy after all that has happened, right?Haydin (clearing his throat): I know I'm happy. I love Thad with all my heart. Love our children too.Thad: When I really think about it, what I went through to get to this point was all worth it. I love Haydin. Have since I was seventeen. It's not something that ever went away. Sometimes I get scared. Thinking it's all a dream and I'm going to wake up and it will be all gone. No babies, Haydin will be with Jonathan, I'll be alone and Clarissa will be on her own.Haydin (moving to hug Thad): Aww, babe. I didn't know that. Why didn't you tell me?Thad (mumbling): Because it's stupid.Haydin (giving Thad a kiss): No it's not sweetheart. It's the way you feel. For the record, I'm not going anywhere and if it's a dream, it's a dream come true. I love you.Ok, looks as if Haydin and Thad are having a moment, which is my clue to leave them be. I've already written about their intimate connections, so don't need to hang around. Hope you enjoyed this little insight into Haydin's and Thad's life. Next week, I'll see if I can get my boys from Butch's studio to come in and chat. Kiran and Sander are such sweethearts; I just know you'll fall in love with them. Might even talk them into a scene as well. That means, better not check out that blog while at work. These boys are very hot when they are together. *fans self* Until next time, love hard and forever and you will never go wrong.
January 20, 2012
The Rollercoaster...
I can't help comparing this journey into authorship like a rollercoaster. The highs and lows are incredible. I don't think my emotions have ever been so wildly extreme before.
The euphoria when I'm acknowledged, accepted...sold. It's a high I don't think I've ever felt before in my life. An outcast since childhood, it's a heady feeling. A thrill that creates butterflies in my stomach and makes me giddy. Never have I been noticed like that. A painfully shy wallflower that most would have to dig deep to remember I existed back in the day, it's almost beyond what I can imagine, this recognition.
Then, self-doubt slams into me. I see the success of others, and have to struggle to not be envious of them. And I'm not, really. Do I want to be where they are? Sure. But I have to put in my own hard work, just as they have to get where they are. I do not behoove them their achievements. They deserve them. They worked for them. But I can't help the down that makes my stomach flip when I go to see only 1 or 2 books sold for an entire month. My internal muse witnesses the lack of interest, and crawls into a corner of depression. How am I to write, when my inspiration has abandoned me? I don't. And that's a problem. Do I think I have talent? I'm not sure. But I love to write. It's the only thing I really have a passion for. But my muse is angry, mutters that I'm just a loser, wantabe writer that will never amount to anything close to what I encounter in the published world. And I fight to deny that.
So, without the motivation to create further, I fall back to hanging on FB, watching others announce releases, show new covers, gush over sales. Watch others interact, banter and show their considerable knowledge in the authorship world, and their adoration of each other. I'm stunned to see such camaraderie. And, yes, battle a twinge of jealousy. How could I not? They have something I've never had. True friendships with people who have so much in common with them. And the muses that they create for each other? Oh, to have a friend to call my very own muse. That would be a dream come true. And I don't dream anymore. Have goals? Certainly. But I gave up on my dreams a long time ago.
Suddenly, they are there, bantering with me, holding me up with praise and appreciation. And my emotions soar once more. They know me! They acknowledge me! They SEE me!!! The little shy wallflower with a burgeoning talent and fangirl attitude. So, the tightness of my stomach turns to butterflies once more. They know who CR Guiliano is! Some have even read her books. Can you imagine that? Authors that have considerable more talent, recognition and knowledge have read one of my creations.....and liked it!! And I cry. Just as I cry when I am at the bottom of the emotional whirlpool.
I have to say, I never was one to be fond of rollercoasters. But this ride, I hope in the end, will be well worth the price of admission. Maybe....a real dream....
The euphoria when I'm acknowledged, accepted...sold. It's a high I don't think I've ever felt before in my life. An outcast since childhood, it's a heady feeling. A thrill that creates butterflies in my stomach and makes me giddy. Never have I been noticed like that. A painfully shy wallflower that most would have to dig deep to remember I existed back in the day, it's almost beyond what I can imagine, this recognition.
Then, self-doubt slams into me. I see the success of others, and have to struggle to not be envious of them. And I'm not, really. Do I want to be where they are? Sure. But I have to put in my own hard work, just as they have to get where they are. I do not behoove them their achievements. They deserve them. They worked for them. But I can't help the down that makes my stomach flip when I go to see only 1 or 2 books sold for an entire month. My internal muse witnesses the lack of interest, and crawls into a corner of depression. How am I to write, when my inspiration has abandoned me? I don't. And that's a problem. Do I think I have talent? I'm not sure. But I love to write. It's the only thing I really have a passion for. But my muse is angry, mutters that I'm just a loser, wantabe writer that will never amount to anything close to what I encounter in the published world. And I fight to deny that.
So, without the motivation to create further, I fall back to hanging on FB, watching others announce releases, show new covers, gush over sales. Watch others interact, banter and show their considerable knowledge in the authorship world, and their adoration of each other. I'm stunned to see such camaraderie. And, yes, battle a twinge of jealousy. How could I not? They have something I've never had. True friendships with people who have so much in common with them. And the muses that they create for each other? Oh, to have a friend to call my very own muse. That would be a dream come true. And I don't dream anymore. Have goals? Certainly. But I gave up on my dreams a long time ago.
Suddenly, they are there, bantering with me, holding me up with praise and appreciation. And my emotions soar once more. They know me! They acknowledge me! They SEE me!!! The little shy wallflower with a burgeoning talent and fangirl attitude. So, the tightness of my stomach turns to butterflies once more. They know who CR Guiliano is! Some have even read her books. Can you imagine that? Authors that have considerable more talent, recognition and knowledge have read one of my creations.....and liked it!! And I cry. Just as I cry when I am at the bottom of the emotional whirlpool.
I have to say, I never was one to be fond of rollercoasters. But this ride, I hope in the end, will be well worth the price of admission. Maybe....a real dream....
January 14, 2012
Ghostwriting.....Why?
Definition: A ghostwriter is a professional writer who is paid to write books, articles, stories, reports, or other texts that are officially credited to another person.I have tried to look at this from both sides, as a writer and even as a reader. First, why would you want someone else to write your work? As an author, I could not imagine not writing my own stories. I mean, what is the point of calling yourself a writer, if you aren't the one doing it? Seems a bit…deceitful. Think about it. Every writer has their own special style, and no matter how good that 'professional' writer might be, they are not you. They cannot capture your style precisely. And as a reader, I have caught onto that. I've read authors, only to be disappointed when it 'feels' as if it's not them behind the story. Interpretation, even in fictional writing, is as adverse as fingerprints. I can feel the guilt kicking in as well. To put my name on something that someone else wrote? Why? Why would I want to own something that, ultimately, had nothing to do with me besides my name? Hell, when you think about it, you would have to read what the ghostwriter wrote, just to answer questions about it. And if you aren't thorough, you risk the embarrassment of people figuring out; you never wrote it in the first place. I say embarrassment, which would be how I would feel. If you have the gumption to blurt out that it was written by a ghostwriter, then by all means, go for it. That alone would embarrass me. It tells my readers that I didn't take the time to pen a story worthy of their reading. It lets me readers know that I didn't think highly enough of them, that they couldn't figure out it wasn't me. Now, on the other side of the coin, why would you want to be a ghostwriter? Prestige? No, because the credit goes to someone else. Recognition? Again, no, because your name never appears. Money? Why be paid for something you wrote for someone else, when you could just as easily get paid for it with your name on the work? If you are a 'professional' writer, would you not want the pride that goes with seeing your name in publication versus someone else? And don't even mention the work that goes into writing. Where is this person who gets the credit when you are writing, researching, edit, re-writing and generally doing all the grunt work and providing the polished final product? They are there basking in the accolades if it is well received and pointing to the 'ghostwriter' when ridiculed. Accolades, or ridicule aside, I want the recognition of all the hard work I put into something, not hand it over to someone else. All of this being said, I applaud anyone who is a ghostwriter. They are better people than I would be. I'm selfish. I want to be known for what I write. I can see where a ghostwriter would be selfless, allowing someone else to have the credit for their hard work. But I ask, again….why?
January 1, 2012
A Gay Man Speaks Out...
I came across this on the Internet a while back. I, embarrassingly, wished that I had a gay man as a friend. I have reconsidered after reading this. Let me clarify, this man makes a very valid point, and I would never want to be construed as one of 'those' women.
If, someday in the future, I become friends with a gay man, I will know never, never to treat him in such a way that he would be embarrassed to be my friend. Sexual orientation means nothing to me, you like who you like, you love who you love. It's that simple. This man's article really made me think, and I applaud him for speaking out...with both conviction and humor.
"A Memo to Straight Women Seeking A Gay Male Friend
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Date: 2007-05-22, 10:30PM PDT
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi there. I am a gay man living in Los Angeles. Let me just say that I have many women friends. And I applaud the open-minded, progressive attitudes most straight women seem to have nowadays.
However, I have noticed that we've crossed over into a place where some women are just a little too comfortable with homosexuality. "Too much tolerance" you say? I'll explain.
Honestly, I am flattered when a woman says something along the lines of "you're cute. Too bad you're not straight." That's nice to hear. I'm not going into some PC tirade over a compliment. You know what though? I only need to hear it once. My friend's friend says it every time I see her. She does the rubbing my upper back, hands in my hair shit. And you know what I want to say? "LISTEN. My being gay isn't the only reason it would never happen." Like, back the fuck up. And she's also volunteered to be my beard at events. "Great, we'll time travel to the 1950s when people in LA last did that."
I think "Will and Grace" has instructed an entire generation of women that gay men are dying - DYING! - to be your friend and indulge your every co-dependent and neurotic whim. We'll be there in a clinch with a "you go girl!" or "you look fierce!" Because we all love to say that stuff and many other quippy zingers.
Last Monday night, a woman at a bar came up to me and asked me if I was single. Not to disparage her, but let's just say I was happy to shut her down right away with an abrupt "I'm gay." And you know what? THAT DID NOT DETER HER.
She LIT up and said, "We can go shopping together and you can watch me play with myself with my Rabbit." Ugggggghhhh... Do you ever not even know where to begin? I wanted to say, "Yes, please, I am in the habit of befriending bar skanks in the first ten seconds of talking to them. And despite my lack of sexual attraction to women, I would simply LOVE to watch you get yourself off. JACKPOT!"
As far as the shopping thing goes: I love saying "I'm not really into shopping" and I just stand back and wait for their heads to explode. Their precious "Will and Grace" never prepared them for that possibility!
Call me uptight but I'm also against using the word "fag" aimed at me in some joking, campy way to demonstrate how comfortable you are with my being gay. This has happened to me. It's like a folksy gay-bashing without the exclamation point of the beatings. Let's from now on consult what I call "The Nigger Test" to see if a carefree epithet really is appropriate. The way it works is that when you want to call me "fag" you imagine instead that I'm black and that you're going to call me "nigger" in some whimsical, ironic way. If you would in fact drop the N bomb, then by all means, proceed! Also, please refrain from referring to your gay friend as "my Will" or yourself as "Grace." That's totally queer. It was an okay show that's been off the air for over a year. Move on. And lastly, just because you know another gay man who is single DOES NOT MEAN WE WOULD MAKE A PERFECT MATCH. I appreciate the desire to see me paired up but most women (or straight men who attempt this) think pairing up gays is as difficult as a game of Concentration. "Hey... there's one... there's another... done!" "This guy you want to pair me up with... what does he like to do in his free time? Does he vote? Does he read? Like to go out? Stay in? You don't know? So you just know his name and sexual orientation." PASS. And while I've got nothing against the uber-feminine gay men, and respect that they have a much tougher path than gay men who seem straight, please do not fix me up with them. Because I am not attracted to them, which you would know if you'd asked any of the pertinent questions before acting as a one-woman Match.com.
In closing, I am a friendly guy and like knowing people from all walks of life. But straight girls, just dial down the desperation level a couple of notches and find a more constructive way to deal with the void that the cancellation of "Sex and the City" has left in your life. (Full disclosure: I'm a total Miranda!) If we're meant to be friends, you'll let me breathe and know me for me, not as the hot urban accessory of the gay male friend. Thank you. I feel so much better."
If, someday in the future, I become friends with a gay man, I will know never, never to treat him in such a way that he would be embarrassed to be my friend. Sexual orientation means nothing to me, you like who you like, you love who you love. It's that simple. This man's article really made me think, and I applaud him for speaking out...with both conviction and humor.
"A Memo to Straight Women Seeking A Gay Male Friend
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Date: 2007-05-22, 10:30PM PDT
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi there. I am a gay man living in Los Angeles. Let me just say that I have many women friends. And I applaud the open-minded, progressive attitudes most straight women seem to have nowadays.
However, I have noticed that we've crossed over into a place where some women are just a little too comfortable with homosexuality. "Too much tolerance" you say? I'll explain.
Honestly, I am flattered when a woman says something along the lines of "you're cute. Too bad you're not straight." That's nice to hear. I'm not going into some PC tirade over a compliment. You know what though? I only need to hear it once. My friend's friend says it every time I see her. She does the rubbing my upper back, hands in my hair shit. And you know what I want to say? "LISTEN. My being gay isn't the only reason it would never happen." Like, back the fuck up. And she's also volunteered to be my beard at events. "Great, we'll time travel to the 1950s when people in LA last did that."
I think "Will and Grace" has instructed an entire generation of women that gay men are dying - DYING! - to be your friend and indulge your every co-dependent and neurotic whim. We'll be there in a clinch with a "you go girl!" or "you look fierce!" Because we all love to say that stuff and many other quippy zingers.
Last Monday night, a woman at a bar came up to me and asked me if I was single. Not to disparage her, but let's just say I was happy to shut her down right away with an abrupt "I'm gay." And you know what? THAT DID NOT DETER HER.
She LIT up and said, "We can go shopping together and you can watch me play with myself with my Rabbit." Ugggggghhhh... Do you ever not even know where to begin? I wanted to say, "Yes, please, I am in the habit of befriending bar skanks in the first ten seconds of talking to them. And despite my lack of sexual attraction to women, I would simply LOVE to watch you get yourself off. JACKPOT!"
As far as the shopping thing goes: I love saying "I'm not really into shopping" and I just stand back and wait for their heads to explode. Their precious "Will and Grace" never prepared them for that possibility!
Call me uptight but I'm also against using the word "fag" aimed at me in some joking, campy way to demonstrate how comfortable you are with my being gay. This has happened to me. It's like a folksy gay-bashing without the exclamation point of the beatings. Let's from now on consult what I call "The Nigger Test" to see if a carefree epithet really is appropriate. The way it works is that when you want to call me "fag" you imagine instead that I'm black and that you're going to call me "nigger" in some whimsical, ironic way. If you would in fact drop the N bomb, then by all means, proceed! Also, please refrain from referring to your gay friend as "my Will" or yourself as "Grace." That's totally queer. It was an okay show that's been off the air for over a year. Move on. And lastly, just because you know another gay man who is single DOES NOT MEAN WE WOULD MAKE A PERFECT MATCH. I appreciate the desire to see me paired up but most women (or straight men who attempt this) think pairing up gays is as difficult as a game of Concentration. "Hey... there's one... there's another... done!" "This guy you want to pair me up with... what does he like to do in his free time? Does he vote? Does he read? Like to go out? Stay in? You don't know? So you just know his name and sexual orientation." PASS. And while I've got nothing against the uber-feminine gay men, and respect that they have a much tougher path than gay men who seem straight, please do not fix me up with them. Because I am not attracted to them, which you would know if you'd asked any of the pertinent questions before acting as a one-woman Match.com.
In closing, I am a friendly guy and like knowing people from all walks of life. But straight girls, just dial down the desperation level a couple of notches and find a more constructive way to deal with the void that the cancellation of "Sex and the City" has left in your life. (Full disclosure: I'm a total Miranda!) If we're meant to be friends, you'll let me breathe and know me for me, not as the hot urban accessory of the gay male friend. Thank you. I feel so much better."
December 11, 2011
Love Beyond Life - Short FREE Read
A free read for all....
Detrick's teeth chattered, the biting wind cutting through the threadbare coat and thin jeans he wore. He wasn't really paying much attention to the cold though, his mind and heart too overwhelmed with grief and pain. He knew he needed to get to the shelter, or there wouldn't be any beds left. But then, no matter what time he had shown up in the last two days, there was never a bed available. Detrick figured they preferred to give them to the elderly homeless men, and the youngest of those that appeared at their doorstep. Not someone like him. Twenty four, healthy, if thin and, to their reasoning, able to fend for himself. How wrong they were. The person who had taken care of him since he was eighteen was gone now. Solomon Fererro. Sol. The love of Detrick's life. Cut down by a brain aneurysm. Detrick's chattering teeth clenched as he fought back the tears. Jesus, had it been only three days since Detrick had kissed Sol goodbye as his lover left for work? "Son, you can't stay here." A deep voice behind Detrick said, making Detrick jerk and turn so suddenly that he knocked his elbow against the wall he'd been huddling against, the pain radiating through his whole frozen body. "S…s…sorry sir." Detrick mumbled and wrapped his coat more firmly around him as he moved away."Hey." That deep voice said again. Detrick turned to look back over his shoulder. "How come you aren't at home? It's almost Christmas. Shouldn't you be with your family?" The man asked. Detrick felt the familiar sting of tears again. His only family was gone now.He shook his head at the man and turned away, hunching his shoulders against the wind and headed towards the shelter. Maybe tonight they would have a bed. It had started to snow and Detrick shivered hard. Surely they wouldn't leave him out in this?"Hey." Detrick heard the man again, but ignored him and kept walking. He jerked again when he felt a hand grab his arm. He yanked it out of the man's grip and glared. The man stepped back quickly. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." He said. "What do you want? I moved away from your door." Detrick said, hardly recognizing his own voice. It was raspy from the cold and the crying he'd been doing for the last two days.The man blushed and looked down. Detrick looked over the man while he waited for his answer. He was tall, maybe five or six inches taller than Detrick's 5'8". Detrick couldn't tell how big he was since the man was bundled up against the winter weather. He had dark brown hair with some silver at the temples, what looked like light blue eyes behind wire rim glasses and a strong jaw with a thick five o'clock shadow. Detrick's chest tightened. He looked like Sol.
The man looked back up at him. "Um, you don't have anywhere to go, do you?" He asked hesitantly. Detrick almost rolled his eyes. Why the hell else would he be hovering in the doorway of a small antique store? Detrick's pride tried to rear its head, but common sense prevailed and he shook his head. Besides, he'd never been a liar and didn't feel like starting now. The man nodded back, as if agreeing with Detrick, which was absurd. "Are you hungry?" The man asked. Again, it occurred to Detrick to lie, but when his stomach growled, that option fled. He nodded again."Um…" The man started, and then ran his gloved hand through his thick hair, making it stick up in tufts. Detrick's chest tightened even further. Sol had that same habit when he was nervous or frustrated."What do you want?" Detrick tried again hoping the man would just answer the question so Detrick could go and at least try to warm up at the shelter for a bit before they told him they had no room for him. His mind was racing as it was. Where the hell was he going to spend tonight?The man shook his head, his light blue eyes finally latching onto Detrick's green ones. "Nothing, well…to help." The man said. Detrick was dumbstruck. The shock turning to wariness quickly. No one wanted nothing in return for something. He narrowed his eyes at the man. "I don't think so." He replied and turned away."Please. It's just…you remind me of someone and I'd like to help, if you will let me." The man said to Detrick's back. Detrick turned back around, his curiosity pushing the grief away for a moment. "Who?"The man cleared his throat. "Um, a friend of mine. From a long time ago." He answered. Detrick wasn't stupid. That friend must have been pretty important as Detrick watched a deep sadness come over the man's face. A sadness that mirrored Detrick's own and tugged at his heart.Detrick remained silent, searching his feelings, but the man just didn't seem threatening to him. Not that Detrick had much experience with gauging people. He'd been very naive when Sol had found him, and Sol was very protective. Had been. Detrick tried to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat. He stood there, unable to decide what to do. What would Sol do? Detrick almost laughed. Sol would have lectured Detrick about trusting strangers, as if he were an eight year old. Detrick wiped his face angrily. But Sol wasn't here.The man continued to stare and then cleared his throat again. "At least keep me company for dinner?" The man said hesitantly. Detrick's stomach growled again. He hadn't eaten since Sol's family had kicked him out of his lover's home. Detrick nodded silently.The man gestured for Detrick to follow him and turned back towards the little store. Detrick fell into step behind the man, hands deep in his pockets even though that didn't really warm them. He could hardly feel them they were so frozen."What's your name?" Detrick asked the man's back. He stopped so suddenly that Detrick ran into him. He gasped as a tingle of awareness shot through him. What the hell was that? Guilt quickly followed. How could he possibly be…attracted…to another man just days after losing Sol? The man turned around and gazed down at Detrick. "My name's Nick. Nicholi Jerome." The man replied. Detrick nodded, then blushed at the man's inquiring look. "Detrick." He mumbled, unwilling to give his last name. "Detrick." The man repeated, his blue eyes going wide. "What?" Detrick asked, but the man just shook his head and turned to continue to the store.Detrick followed as the man…Nick…led him inside the warm interior and up some narrow stairs in the back of the store. After going through a door, Detrick found himself in a small, but cozy apartment. He stood in the center of the open room, unsure what to do, and surprised at himself that he was even here. He glanced at the small twinkling Christmas tree and looked away quickly. It was just a reminder that Christmas was tomorrow.Nick didn't stop until he was in the tiny kitchen and started pulling items out of the little refrigerator. "I hope you like patitsio." Nick said and again, that awareness flowed through Detrick. How did this man know his favorite dish? A Greek concoction that Sol made him. Used to make him.Pain suddenly sliced through Detrick and he sank to the floor trying to get a breath into his lungs. He abruptly found himself enveloped in strong arms and pulled against a hard chest. Something snapped and Detrick couldn't stop the sobs that tore at him. "Shhh, trela mou, shhhh. It will be ok." Nick murmured against Detrick's hair. It was the endearment that managed to work its way through Detrick's agony. "H..how did you know?" He stuttered, but didn't pull away from Nick. The man's arms felt too good to give up."Know what, zouzouni?" Nick asked tightening his embrace before letting Detrick go. Detrick shivered at the loss. Nick helped him stand and guided him to the soft sofa. Detrick sat down, drained and confused. "How did you know he called me that?" Detrick asked, looking at Nick as the man sat next to him. "Who?" Nick asked softly.Detrick didn't answer right away, getting lost in the sky blue of Nick's eyes. He shook his head, closing his own eyes and tried to remember what they were talking about. "What were you saying, trela mou?" Nick asked again, his hand holding Detrick's and his thumb rubbing soothingly across the back of it. Detrick looked down, concentrating on their hands. "Sol." He whispered, his eyes filling again. Nick's hand suddenly squeezing Detrick's had him looking up at the man. He sucked in a breath at the look on the older man's face. Nick's blue eyes had darkened and Detrick wasn't sure it was from anger, pain or what. "How did you know his name?" Nick said, pulling his hand away. "Know whose name?" Detrick asked. Nick ran his hand through his hair again, making the tufts more prominent. "My friend." Nick said his voice so low that Detrick almost didn't hear him."Your friend? I was talking about my…my…partner." Detrick said, unsure whether it was wise to mention he was gay.
Detrick's stomach growled again and Nick suddenly stood and strode back to the kitchen. Silence reined as the man cooked, the small apartment filling with the aromas of Detrick's and Sol's favorite Greek dish. The odors only reminded Detrick of his loss, and of Nick's comment.He stood, a bit unsteady and made his way to the island that separated the open living room from the small kitchen. "Can I help?" He asked, trying to distract himself. Sol never let him help. Nick shook his head. "I have it. It's almost done now. Here." Nick said and handed Detrick a glass of wine. "You are old enough to drink, yes?" Nick asked belatedly. Detrick puffed his chest out. "Yes. I'm twenty four." He said, mildly indignant that Nick would think him too young to drink. A small smile graced the handsome man's lips and Detrick found the awareness back in full force. What the hell was it about this man that had Detrick so confused and…aroused?Once dinner was ready, they sat next to each other at the miniscule dining table. After Detrick's first bite, he thought he just might be in love with Nick, or at least the man's cooking. He was as good as Sol. But that thought only brought him back to the comment the older man had made.Again, curiosity overshadowed his grief. "Your friend. His name was Sol?" Detrick said cautiously. Nick nodded, his face closed. Detrick didn't ask anymore, unwilling to pry and it looked as if Nick didn't want to talk about the mysterious friend."Yes, Sol. Solomon. He…well, he was more than a friend." Nick said his face pinking as he averted his eyes from Detrick. Detrick almost smiled. So, Nick was gay too. Butterflies erupted in Detrick's stomach, but he squashed the vague giddiness that flowed through him at that knowledge. What would Sol think? Would he hate Detrick for being attracted to this man?Nick gazed up at Detrick, and he found himself lost in those blue eyes again. Surrounded by long dark lashes, like Sol's. "What about you? Your partner…Sol." Nick asked, his question breaking the spell. Detrick dropped his eyes. "Sol. He…I lost him two months ago." Detrick whispered, the pain crushing his chest."What happened?" Nick asked softly and Detrick could hear the compassion. Detrick shuddered. "He..it was a brain aneurism. He…it burst. His family…they didn't like his lifestyle…hated me. They thought Sol was my sugar daddy. That I was just a toy for him. It wasn't like that. I loved him and he loved me. They kicked me out of my home. My home I shared with Sol." Detrick said, astonished he'd said so much. He looked up to see Nick's reaction.The understanding in Nick's face almost undid Detrick. "My Sol was the same. His family, especially his brother Farris, were determined to break us up. They succeeded." Nick said, ending so quietly that Detrick had to strain to hear him. But it didn't matter. Detrick was beyond stunned. His heart was racing and he couldn't even identify the feeling in his stomach, the food now sitting like stone in his belly.Nick looked back at him and then frowned. "What? What's wrong?" He said in alarm, reacting to whatever expression was on Detrick's face. Detrick started shaking his head, and kept shaking it. Sol? This man's friend was his Sol? This man had been Sol's lover? "Sol?" Detrick nearly jumped when he felt a warm caress across the back of his neck. The caress calming him so quickly that the shock was almost more than he could take. "Jesus." He muttered. Had Sol brought them together? Had his lover known Detrick would be lost without him? Had known that his family would throw Detrick to the wolves? Nick had laid his hand on Detrick's forearm and he stared at the long, strong fingers, sudden images of that hand touching him. He snapped himself back to reality and looked up at Nick, determination replacing the awe and reverence that Sol had taken care of him…even after he was gone."Does your Sol have another brother, Hector? And a sister named Rhea?" Detrick said. Nick's reaction was enough to answer Detrick's question without any words. "Y…your Sol?" Nick stuttered. Detrick nodded. Nick suddenly gave a small smile at him and Detrick couldn't help but smile back. "What are the odds?" Nick whispered, shaking his head.Nick's smile faded after a moment, sadness coming back into his eyes. "He..he's gone." Nick said and Detrick felt the familiar pain envelope his heart again. But as quickly as sadness had taken over the wonder, anger replaced the sadness to make Nick's blue eyes burn darkly. "I can't believe they did that to you." He said, his voice a low growl that warmed Detrick more than any heating unit in any building could and made his heart skip a beat.Detrick shrugged, dropping his eyes. "They…they believed that I was nothing. They took everything from me when Sol died." Detrick said in barely a whisper. Nick's hand was back, this time rubbing his back soothingly…and more. Detrick gave a small smile and moved. His reaction wasn't something he wanted Nick to notice. How pathetic was it that after losing his lover just a couple of months ago, he was latching onto the man sitting next to him? But, Detrick thought with derision, that's what he did. After being kicked out of his home as a teen, Detrick clung to any person that was nice to him, desperate for acceptance, even when that acceptance came with anger and fists. Aching for someone to want him, love him. Craving someone who wanted to keep him safe and protected.It was after a particular brutal beating from a man who wanted Detrick to whore for him and Detrick had refused, that Sol found him. Bruised, bloody and abandoned outside in an alley, Detrick had curled up into himself and cried. Just like Nick, Detrick had been wary when Sol approached him, telling Detrick he just wanted to help. Detrick's memories didn't miss the similarities. Sol had taken Detrick home, had nursed his wounds, given him space and nurtured Detrick with such patience; tenderness and love that Detrick couldn't help by fall for the much older man. It barely took a day for Detrick to open up, to trust Sol. That trust had nearly been shattered when Sol's brother showed up while Sol was at work, accusing Detrick of using Sol, of corrupting him and making him a fag. Detrick had denied any wrongdoing, but then Farris had said that Sol didn't want Detrick around anymore. That his brother had sent him to his house to get rid of Detrick before Sol came home.Detrick, naïve when it came to people, believed Farris and left, his heart broken. Not more than four hours later, Sol had found him at a park a couple miles away. A park they had strolled through on more than one occasion. Detrick could see the anger on Sol's face and he cringed, closing his eyes and waiting for the blows. When he found himself enveloped in Sol's strong, warm embrace, he was confused.Sol took him home, sat him down and explained about his family. But what stuck with Detrick more than any other words, were that Sol loved him and never wanted him to leave. That had been the first night Sol had made love to him. It hadn't been an easy relationship to embark on, with Sol worried about their age difference. The only thing that worried Detrick was not being enough for Sol. He shouldn't have worried.For six long years they made it work, despite Sol's family's interference. Sol had taken care of Detrick, protecting him and loving him. Detrick would have sold his soul to keep Sol happy, but didn't have to. Sol showed his happiness in every look, touch and kiss. In every slide of their bodies together. In every time he buried himself inside Detrick and they became one, their souls, their hearts seared together.As Detrick's memories faded back to the present, he thought, with surprise, of one other comment Sol had made. When he had explained about his family, he'd absently said 'I won't lose another man I love because of them.' At the time, Detrick hadn't known what it meant and dismissed it. Now, as Detrick stared at Nick, he knew what that long ago comment meant. This was the man Sol lost because of his family. A man Detrick was finding himself more and more drawn to. A man that he could easily fall in love with and he'd only just met him. But he felt as if he'd known Nick forever. Why was that? And then it hit him as Nick ran his fingers through his hair again. Every little mannerism that had made Detrick love Sol so much was here in this man. All those little nuances that endeared Sol to Detrick's heart he had learned from this quiet man in front of him. Detrick trembled as he felt that phantom caress across the back of his neck again. Only one man had ever done that…Sol. "Detrick?" Nick whispered and Detrick focused on the handsome man. A man that was very fast becoming important to Detrick. He gasped when Nick leaned forward and brushed their lips together, a touch so tender and so light that Detrick melted. Unable to help himself, he moved closer. Detrick felt Nick's strong arms wrap around his body, somewhat hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure of his acceptance, that Detrick would reject him. Rejection hadn't even entered Detrick's mind. He needed this. He needed the affection, the care, the love. He craved it. I was as essential now, maybe even more so, than when Sol had found him broken on the ground in a dirty alley.Because Sol was gone.But was he?Nick's lips were warm and soft and tender. Detrick couldn't help comparing Nick's kiss with Sol's, and maybe that wasn't fair to Nick, but Detrick had no other comparison. No other man had kissed him like this. And despite knowing this was a stranger, Nick kissed just like Sol, with his whole body, his whole being. Something that Detrick had loved about his Sol. Even as Nick's arms tightened around Detrick, he felt the phantom caress to his neck again, felt invisible hands on his body along with Nick's. Felt…approval wafting around him. And love. And longing. How could he feel these things? He was brought back to reality when Nick deepened the kiss, opening for the man's gently probing tongue. Detrick suddenly felt uncertain and confused despite it appearing that Sol was right there with him. He broke the kiss and pulled back to stare into Nick's blue eyes. "What's wrong, trela mou?" Nick said softly. "I..I don't understand? I want you and Sol…" Detrick said and then trailed off. How was he to explain that he felt Sol here with them? Wouldn't that make him sound crazy? Nick's expression softened. "It's ok, trela mou. Maybe we are going too fast. There is something about you that I have missed. Missed ever since I lost my Sol." Nick said, his voice so low that Detrick strained to hear him. Detrick watched Nick shudder and close his eyes. "You felt him, didn't you? He's here." Detrick blurted out, then blushed at how absurd that sounded. Nick opened his eyes and smiled. "Yes." He said simply.Detrick's heart stuttered. He wasn't crazy. Sol was here. His lover had brought them together. "Sol?" "Love him. Like you loved me." Detrick looked around wildly. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? "Sol?" Detrick whispered and felt amusement surround him. "He needs you. He will take care of you; love you. Like I did."Detrick was stunned. Sol was talking to him? He shook his head and turned to Nick, the man's smile still in place. "What did he say?" Nick asked and Detrick was floored that Nick knew Sol was speaking to him. "He…he.." Detrick couldn't get the words out. More from thinking they were too intimate, than fear that he sounded insane. Detrick froze when Nick brought his hands up and cupped his face, staring into his eyes. "Want to know what he said to me?" Nick asked, his eyes never leaving Detrick's. Detrick nodded.Nick smiled brighter. "He said you needed my love. That you needed protecting and that you were worth more to him than life. That his love for you knew no boundaries. And that my love that he carries in his heart now belongs to you." Nick said, and Detrick could hear the reverence in Nick's tone.Detrick searched Nick's crystal blue eyes, seeking deception. Was he making fun of Detrick? Did he think Detrick a naïve young man to use then throw away? "No!! He is true!!"Detrick jerked at the conviction in that haunting whisper. Then Nick leaned forward again and took Detrick's mouth, this time demanding entrance and devouring Detrick. Detrick moaned at the sensations running through him and wrapped his slim arms around Nick's neck and pressed his body close the bigger man.Nick pulled back after a few minutes, but only far enough to whisper against Detrick's lips. "I need you. I need to make love to you." He said, his voice low with desire. Detrick's heart skipped and then thudded erratically."Yes." "Yes." Detrick heard Sol's echoing agreement.Detrick was in a daze as Nick pulled him from the couch and led him down a short hall to a dark, elegant bedroom. Detrick stood frozen in the middle of the room, staring at the bed, when Nick let go of him. He turned and tried to smile when Nick curled his fingers under Detrick's tattered shirt. Nick remained silent as he slowly undressed Detrick, his soft lips grazing over his pale skin with every article of clothing removed. Detrick was trembling by the time he stood naked in front of the older man."Beautiful." "Beautiful." Detrick almost laughed to hear two deep masculine voices, one with his ears, and one in his mind.Detrick quickly became enthralled as Nick began to remove his own clothing. He felt his body reacting at the bare skin slowly revealed. His mouth watered at the sight of a broad chest dusted with a fine layer of dark hair. His heart sped up impossibly fast as his gaze racked down the sculpted body. Nick was every bit as gorgeous as Sol had been. Guilt seeped in, but the light caress to his neck assured him that Sol was not offended.When Detrick's green gaze landed on the manhood proudly arching from between Nick's legs, he couldn't help the whimper of need that escaped. Nick approached him, taking him in his strong arms and pulling him tight against his naked body. Detrick felt Nick's arousal against his stomach and gasped as he hardened even further than he already was. Nick moved them, then gently laid Detrick on the bed, covering his slim, small body with his larger one. Nick kissed Detrick, his lips trailing down his neck and he began to nibble on the prominent collarbone. Detrick gasped and pulled his legs up to wrap around Nick's slim waist, his arms sliding around Nick's muscled shoulders. Along with desire for this man, Detrick couldn't help the feelings of safety and contentment that filled him.Nick rocked, grinding his cock against Detrick's and he cried out at the sensations the man was giving him. Detrick's body heated, his muscles tightening in anticipation. He needed Nick inside him, desperately."Yes!"Detrick nodded as Sol's word echoed in his head.Fear gripped Detrick when Nick moved away, but the man was back almost instantly, his kisses urgent as Detrick heard the pop of a bottle. He tensed slightly at the feel of Nick's slicked fingers at his entrance. He'd never made love with anyone but Sol in the last six years."Shhh, I won't hurt you." Nick whispered in Detrick's ear and he relaxed. No, he didn't believe Nick would hurt him. A tingling on his scalp told him Sol was still very much there with them.Detrick barely remembered Nick preparing him. It was the moment that Nick entered his body that he was focused on. There was no pain. A slight burning that dissipated quickly, but it was the fullness that he cherished. So full, so perfect. As Nick began to thrust, moans of pleasure erupted from Detrick. Nick's strong, yet tender thrusts had Detrick on the edge within minutes. "Ahh, I…I close Nick!" Detrick managed to warn Nick."Please…" "Please…" Detrick heard the plea in Nick's and Sol's voices. Detrick suddenly threw his head back, his orgasm slamming into him. Nick cried out at the very same moment and Detrick felt the ecstasy of Sol in his body too. He clung tightly to Nick as his body spasmed and his seed covered his chest and Nick's. "Sol!!" He cried out and heard Nick's hoarse whisper say their lover's name as well. He was there, loving them both, his essence surrounding them, protecting them and bringing them to heights Detrick had never known before.As Nick slumped on top of Detrick, he tightened his arms around the man. He couldn't help the tears that coursed down his temples to mingle with his sweat soaked hair. His emotions were overwhelming. Grief, longing, love, gratefulness and even happiness warred inside him."Hush, my trela mou. I will always be with you. You will feel my love every time my Nicholi loves you."Detrick couldn't help the sob that broke from him. He was going to be ok. His lover had saved him again. Had taken care of him and loved him, even if he was no longer alive. In that moment, Detrick knew without a doubt that Sol's love went beyond life."I love you." Nick whispered against Detrick's neck. "I love you." Sol's voice echoed around the room and Detrick knew Nick had heard it too. "And I love you." Detrick murmured, knowing both Nick and Sol would understand.
Detrick's teeth chattered, the biting wind cutting through the threadbare coat and thin jeans he wore. He wasn't really paying much attention to the cold though, his mind and heart too overwhelmed with grief and pain. He knew he needed to get to the shelter, or there wouldn't be any beds left. But then, no matter what time he had shown up in the last two days, there was never a bed available. Detrick figured they preferred to give them to the elderly homeless men, and the youngest of those that appeared at their doorstep. Not someone like him. Twenty four, healthy, if thin and, to their reasoning, able to fend for himself. How wrong they were. The person who had taken care of him since he was eighteen was gone now. Solomon Fererro. Sol. The love of Detrick's life. Cut down by a brain aneurysm. Detrick's chattering teeth clenched as he fought back the tears. Jesus, had it been only three days since Detrick had kissed Sol goodbye as his lover left for work? "Son, you can't stay here." A deep voice behind Detrick said, making Detrick jerk and turn so suddenly that he knocked his elbow against the wall he'd been huddling against, the pain radiating through his whole frozen body. "S…s…sorry sir." Detrick mumbled and wrapped his coat more firmly around him as he moved away."Hey." That deep voice said again. Detrick turned to look back over his shoulder. "How come you aren't at home? It's almost Christmas. Shouldn't you be with your family?" The man asked. Detrick felt the familiar sting of tears again. His only family was gone now.He shook his head at the man and turned away, hunching his shoulders against the wind and headed towards the shelter. Maybe tonight they would have a bed. It had started to snow and Detrick shivered hard. Surely they wouldn't leave him out in this?"Hey." Detrick heard the man again, but ignored him and kept walking. He jerked again when he felt a hand grab his arm. He yanked it out of the man's grip and glared. The man stepped back quickly. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." He said. "What do you want? I moved away from your door." Detrick said, hardly recognizing his own voice. It was raspy from the cold and the crying he'd been doing for the last two days.The man blushed and looked down. Detrick looked over the man while he waited for his answer. He was tall, maybe five or six inches taller than Detrick's 5'8". Detrick couldn't tell how big he was since the man was bundled up against the winter weather. He had dark brown hair with some silver at the temples, what looked like light blue eyes behind wire rim glasses and a strong jaw with a thick five o'clock shadow. Detrick's chest tightened. He looked like Sol.
The man looked back up at him. "Um, you don't have anywhere to go, do you?" He asked hesitantly. Detrick almost rolled his eyes. Why the hell else would he be hovering in the doorway of a small antique store? Detrick's pride tried to rear its head, but common sense prevailed and he shook his head. Besides, he'd never been a liar and didn't feel like starting now. The man nodded back, as if agreeing with Detrick, which was absurd. "Are you hungry?" The man asked. Again, it occurred to Detrick to lie, but when his stomach growled, that option fled. He nodded again."Um…" The man started, and then ran his gloved hand through his thick hair, making it stick up in tufts. Detrick's chest tightened even further. Sol had that same habit when he was nervous or frustrated."What do you want?" Detrick tried again hoping the man would just answer the question so Detrick could go and at least try to warm up at the shelter for a bit before they told him they had no room for him. His mind was racing as it was. Where the hell was he going to spend tonight?The man shook his head, his light blue eyes finally latching onto Detrick's green ones. "Nothing, well…to help." The man said. Detrick was dumbstruck. The shock turning to wariness quickly. No one wanted nothing in return for something. He narrowed his eyes at the man. "I don't think so." He replied and turned away."Please. It's just…you remind me of someone and I'd like to help, if you will let me." The man said to Detrick's back. Detrick turned back around, his curiosity pushing the grief away for a moment. "Who?"The man cleared his throat. "Um, a friend of mine. From a long time ago." He answered. Detrick wasn't stupid. That friend must have been pretty important as Detrick watched a deep sadness come over the man's face. A sadness that mirrored Detrick's own and tugged at his heart.Detrick remained silent, searching his feelings, but the man just didn't seem threatening to him. Not that Detrick had much experience with gauging people. He'd been very naive when Sol had found him, and Sol was very protective. Had been. Detrick tried to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat. He stood there, unable to decide what to do. What would Sol do? Detrick almost laughed. Sol would have lectured Detrick about trusting strangers, as if he were an eight year old. Detrick wiped his face angrily. But Sol wasn't here.The man continued to stare and then cleared his throat again. "At least keep me company for dinner?" The man said hesitantly. Detrick's stomach growled again. He hadn't eaten since Sol's family had kicked him out of his lover's home. Detrick nodded silently.The man gestured for Detrick to follow him and turned back towards the little store. Detrick fell into step behind the man, hands deep in his pockets even though that didn't really warm them. He could hardly feel them they were so frozen."What's your name?" Detrick asked the man's back. He stopped so suddenly that Detrick ran into him. He gasped as a tingle of awareness shot through him. What the hell was that? Guilt quickly followed. How could he possibly be…attracted…to another man just days after losing Sol? The man turned around and gazed down at Detrick. "My name's Nick. Nicholi Jerome." The man replied. Detrick nodded, then blushed at the man's inquiring look. "Detrick." He mumbled, unwilling to give his last name. "Detrick." The man repeated, his blue eyes going wide. "What?" Detrick asked, but the man just shook his head and turned to continue to the store.Detrick followed as the man…Nick…led him inside the warm interior and up some narrow stairs in the back of the store. After going through a door, Detrick found himself in a small, but cozy apartment. He stood in the center of the open room, unsure what to do, and surprised at himself that he was even here. He glanced at the small twinkling Christmas tree and looked away quickly. It was just a reminder that Christmas was tomorrow.Nick didn't stop until he was in the tiny kitchen and started pulling items out of the little refrigerator. "I hope you like patitsio." Nick said and again, that awareness flowed through Detrick. How did this man know his favorite dish? A Greek concoction that Sol made him. Used to make him.Pain suddenly sliced through Detrick and he sank to the floor trying to get a breath into his lungs. He abruptly found himself enveloped in strong arms and pulled against a hard chest. Something snapped and Detrick couldn't stop the sobs that tore at him. "Shhh, trela mou, shhhh. It will be ok." Nick murmured against Detrick's hair. It was the endearment that managed to work its way through Detrick's agony. "H..how did you know?" He stuttered, but didn't pull away from Nick. The man's arms felt too good to give up."Know what, zouzouni?" Nick asked tightening his embrace before letting Detrick go. Detrick shivered at the loss. Nick helped him stand and guided him to the soft sofa. Detrick sat down, drained and confused. "How did you know he called me that?" Detrick asked, looking at Nick as the man sat next to him. "Who?" Nick asked softly.Detrick didn't answer right away, getting lost in the sky blue of Nick's eyes. He shook his head, closing his own eyes and tried to remember what they were talking about. "What were you saying, trela mou?" Nick asked again, his hand holding Detrick's and his thumb rubbing soothingly across the back of it. Detrick looked down, concentrating on their hands. "Sol." He whispered, his eyes filling again. Nick's hand suddenly squeezing Detrick's had him looking up at the man. He sucked in a breath at the look on the older man's face. Nick's blue eyes had darkened and Detrick wasn't sure it was from anger, pain or what. "How did you know his name?" Nick said, pulling his hand away. "Know whose name?" Detrick asked. Nick ran his hand through his hair again, making the tufts more prominent. "My friend." Nick said his voice so low that Detrick almost didn't hear him."Your friend? I was talking about my…my…partner." Detrick said, unsure whether it was wise to mention he was gay.
Detrick's stomach growled again and Nick suddenly stood and strode back to the kitchen. Silence reined as the man cooked, the small apartment filling with the aromas of Detrick's and Sol's favorite Greek dish. The odors only reminded Detrick of his loss, and of Nick's comment.He stood, a bit unsteady and made his way to the island that separated the open living room from the small kitchen. "Can I help?" He asked, trying to distract himself. Sol never let him help. Nick shook his head. "I have it. It's almost done now. Here." Nick said and handed Detrick a glass of wine. "You are old enough to drink, yes?" Nick asked belatedly. Detrick puffed his chest out. "Yes. I'm twenty four." He said, mildly indignant that Nick would think him too young to drink. A small smile graced the handsome man's lips and Detrick found the awareness back in full force. What the hell was it about this man that had Detrick so confused and…aroused?Once dinner was ready, they sat next to each other at the miniscule dining table. After Detrick's first bite, he thought he just might be in love with Nick, or at least the man's cooking. He was as good as Sol. But that thought only brought him back to the comment the older man had made.Again, curiosity overshadowed his grief. "Your friend. His name was Sol?" Detrick said cautiously. Nick nodded, his face closed. Detrick didn't ask anymore, unwilling to pry and it looked as if Nick didn't want to talk about the mysterious friend."Yes, Sol. Solomon. He…well, he was more than a friend." Nick said his face pinking as he averted his eyes from Detrick. Detrick almost smiled. So, Nick was gay too. Butterflies erupted in Detrick's stomach, but he squashed the vague giddiness that flowed through him at that knowledge. What would Sol think? Would he hate Detrick for being attracted to this man?Nick gazed up at Detrick, and he found himself lost in those blue eyes again. Surrounded by long dark lashes, like Sol's. "What about you? Your partner…Sol." Nick asked, his question breaking the spell. Detrick dropped his eyes. "Sol. He…I lost him two months ago." Detrick whispered, the pain crushing his chest."What happened?" Nick asked softly and Detrick could hear the compassion. Detrick shuddered. "He..it was a brain aneurism. He…it burst. His family…they didn't like his lifestyle…hated me. They thought Sol was my sugar daddy. That I was just a toy for him. It wasn't like that. I loved him and he loved me. They kicked me out of my home. My home I shared with Sol." Detrick said, astonished he'd said so much. He looked up to see Nick's reaction.The understanding in Nick's face almost undid Detrick. "My Sol was the same. His family, especially his brother Farris, were determined to break us up. They succeeded." Nick said, ending so quietly that Detrick had to strain to hear him. But it didn't matter. Detrick was beyond stunned. His heart was racing and he couldn't even identify the feeling in his stomach, the food now sitting like stone in his belly.Nick looked back at him and then frowned. "What? What's wrong?" He said in alarm, reacting to whatever expression was on Detrick's face. Detrick started shaking his head, and kept shaking it. Sol? This man's friend was his Sol? This man had been Sol's lover? "Sol?" Detrick nearly jumped when he felt a warm caress across the back of his neck. The caress calming him so quickly that the shock was almost more than he could take. "Jesus." He muttered. Had Sol brought them together? Had his lover known Detrick would be lost without him? Had known that his family would throw Detrick to the wolves? Nick had laid his hand on Detrick's forearm and he stared at the long, strong fingers, sudden images of that hand touching him. He snapped himself back to reality and looked up at Nick, determination replacing the awe and reverence that Sol had taken care of him…even after he was gone."Does your Sol have another brother, Hector? And a sister named Rhea?" Detrick said. Nick's reaction was enough to answer Detrick's question without any words. "Y…your Sol?" Nick stuttered. Detrick nodded. Nick suddenly gave a small smile at him and Detrick couldn't help but smile back. "What are the odds?" Nick whispered, shaking his head.Nick's smile faded after a moment, sadness coming back into his eyes. "He..he's gone." Nick said and Detrick felt the familiar pain envelope his heart again. But as quickly as sadness had taken over the wonder, anger replaced the sadness to make Nick's blue eyes burn darkly. "I can't believe they did that to you." He said, his voice a low growl that warmed Detrick more than any heating unit in any building could and made his heart skip a beat.Detrick shrugged, dropping his eyes. "They…they believed that I was nothing. They took everything from me when Sol died." Detrick said in barely a whisper. Nick's hand was back, this time rubbing his back soothingly…and more. Detrick gave a small smile and moved. His reaction wasn't something he wanted Nick to notice. How pathetic was it that after losing his lover just a couple of months ago, he was latching onto the man sitting next to him? But, Detrick thought with derision, that's what he did. After being kicked out of his home as a teen, Detrick clung to any person that was nice to him, desperate for acceptance, even when that acceptance came with anger and fists. Aching for someone to want him, love him. Craving someone who wanted to keep him safe and protected.It was after a particular brutal beating from a man who wanted Detrick to whore for him and Detrick had refused, that Sol found him. Bruised, bloody and abandoned outside in an alley, Detrick had curled up into himself and cried. Just like Nick, Detrick had been wary when Sol approached him, telling Detrick he just wanted to help. Detrick's memories didn't miss the similarities. Sol had taken Detrick home, had nursed his wounds, given him space and nurtured Detrick with such patience; tenderness and love that Detrick couldn't help by fall for the much older man. It barely took a day for Detrick to open up, to trust Sol. That trust had nearly been shattered when Sol's brother showed up while Sol was at work, accusing Detrick of using Sol, of corrupting him and making him a fag. Detrick had denied any wrongdoing, but then Farris had said that Sol didn't want Detrick around anymore. That his brother had sent him to his house to get rid of Detrick before Sol came home.Detrick, naïve when it came to people, believed Farris and left, his heart broken. Not more than four hours later, Sol had found him at a park a couple miles away. A park they had strolled through on more than one occasion. Detrick could see the anger on Sol's face and he cringed, closing his eyes and waiting for the blows. When he found himself enveloped in Sol's strong, warm embrace, he was confused.Sol took him home, sat him down and explained about his family. But what stuck with Detrick more than any other words, were that Sol loved him and never wanted him to leave. That had been the first night Sol had made love to him. It hadn't been an easy relationship to embark on, with Sol worried about their age difference. The only thing that worried Detrick was not being enough for Sol. He shouldn't have worried.For six long years they made it work, despite Sol's family's interference. Sol had taken care of Detrick, protecting him and loving him. Detrick would have sold his soul to keep Sol happy, but didn't have to. Sol showed his happiness in every look, touch and kiss. In every slide of their bodies together. In every time he buried himself inside Detrick and they became one, their souls, their hearts seared together.As Detrick's memories faded back to the present, he thought, with surprise, of one other comment Sol had made. When he had explained about his family, he'd absently said 'I won't lose another man I love because of them.' At the time, Detrick hadn't known what it meant and dismissed it. Now, as Detrick stared at Nick, he knew what that long ago comment meant. This was the man Sol lost because of his family. A man Detrick was finding himself more and more drawn to. A man that he could easily fall in love with and he'd only just met him. But he felt as if he'd known Nick forever. Why was that? And then it hit him as Nick ran his fingers through his hair again. Every little mannerism that had made Detrick love Sol so much was here in this man. All those little nuances that endeared Sol to Detrick's heart he had learned from this quiet man in front of him. Detrick trembled as he felt that phantom caress across the back of his neck again. Only one man had ever done that…Sol. "Detrick?" Nick whispered and Detrick focused on the handsome man. A man that was very fast becoming important to Detrick. He gasped when Nick leaned forward and brushed their lips together, a touch so tender and so light that Detrick melted. Unable to help himself, he moved closer. Detrick felt Nick's strong arms wrap around his body, somewhat hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure of his acceptance, that Detrick would reject him. Rejection hadn't even entered Detrick's mind. He needed this. He needed the affection, the care, the love. He craved it. I was as essential now, maybe even more so, than when Sol had found him broken on the ground in a dirty alley.Because Sol was gone.But was he?Nick's lips were warm and soft and tender. Detrick couldn't help comparing Nick's kiss with Sol's, and maybe that wasn't fair to Nick, but Detrick had no other comparison. No other man had kissed him like this. And despite knowing this was a stranger, Nick kissed just like Sol, with his whole body, his whole being. Something that Detrick had loved about his Sol. Even as Nick's arms tightened around Detrick, he felt the phantom caress to his neck again, felt invisible hands on his body along with Nick's. Felt…approval wafting around him. And love. And longing. How could he feel these things? He was brought back to reality when Nick deepened the kiss, opening for the man's gently probing tongue. Detrick suddenly felt uncertain and confused despite it appearing that Sol was right there with him. He broke the kiss and pulled back to stare into Nick's blue eyes. "What's wrong, trela mou?" Nick said softly. "I..I don't understand? I want you and Sol…" Detrick said and then trailed off. How was he to explain that he felt Sol here with them? Wouldn't that make him sound crazy? Nick's expression softened. "It's ok, trela mou. Maybe we are going too fast. There is something about you that I have missed. Missed ever since I lost my Sol." Nick said, his voice so low that Detrick strained to hear him. Detrick watched Nick shudder and close his eyes. "You felt him, didn't you? He's here." Detrick blurted out, then blushed at how absurd that sounded. Nick opened his eyes and smiled. "Yes." He said simply.Detrick's heart stuttered. He wasn't crazy. Sol was here. His lover had brought them together. "Sol?" "Love him. Like you loved me." Detrick looked around wildly. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? "Sol?" Detrick whispered and felt amusement surround him. "He needs you. He will take care of you; love you. Like I did."Detrick was stunned. Sol was talking to him? He shook his head and turned to Nick, the man's smile still in place. "What did he say?" Nick asked and Detrick was floored that Nick knew Sol was speaking to him. "He…he.." Detrick couldn't get the words out. More from thinking they were too intimate, than fear that he sounded insane. Detrick froze when Nick brought his hands up and cupped his face, staring into his eyes. "Want to know what he said to me?" Nick asked, his eyes never leaving Detrick's. Detrick nodded.Nick smiled brighter. "He said you needed my love. That you needed protecting and that you were worth more to him than life. That his love for you knew no boundaries. And that my love that he carries in his heart now belongs to you." Nick said, and Detrick could hear the reverence in Nick's tone.Detrick searched Nick's crystal blue eyes, seeking deception. Was he making fun of Detrick? Did he think Detrick a naïve young man to use then throw away? "No!! He is true!!"Detrick jerked at the conviction in that haunting whisper. Then Nick leaned forward again and took Detrick's mouth, this time demanding entrance and devouring Detrick. Detrick moaned at the sensations running through him and wrapped his slim arms around Nick's neck and pressed his body close the bigger man.Nick pulled back after a few minutes, but only far enough to whisper against Detrick's lips. "I need you. I need to make love to you." He said, his voice low with desire. Detrick's heart skipped and then thudded erratically."Yes." "Yes." Detrick heard Sol's echoing agreement.Detrick was in a daze as Nick pulled him from the couch and led him down a short hall to a dark, elegant bedroom. Detrick stood frozen in the middle of the room, staring at the bed, when Nick let go of him. He turned and tried to smile when Nick curled his fingers under Detrick's tattered shirt. Nick remained silent as he slowly undressed Detrick, his soft lips grazing over his pale skin with every article of clothing removed. Detrick was trembling by the time he stood naked in front of the older man."Beautiful." "Beautiful." Detrick almost laughed to hear two deep masculine voices, one with his ears, and one in his mind.Detrick quickly became enthralled as Nick began to remove his own clothing. He felt his body reacting at the bare skin slowly revealed. His mouth watered at the sight of a broad chest dusted with a fine layer of dark hair. His heart sped up impossibly fast as his gaze racked down the sculpted body. Nick was every bit as gorgeous as Sol had been. Guilt seeped in, but the light caress to his neck assured him that Sol was not offended.When Detrick's green gaze landed on the manhood proudly arching from between Nick's legs, he couldn't help the whimper of need that escaped. Nick approached him, taking him in his strong arms and pulling him tight against his naked body. Detrick felt Nick's arousal against his stomach and gasped as he hardened even further than he already was. Nick moved them, then gently laid Detrick on the bed, covering his slim, small body with his larger one. Nick kissed Detrick, his lips trailing down his neck and he began to nibble on the prominent collarbone. Detrick gasped and pulled his legs up to wrap around Nick's slim waist, his arms sliding around Nick's muscled shoulders. Along with desire for this man, Detrick couldn't help the feelings of safety and contentment that filled him.Nick rocked, grinding his cock against Detrick's and he cried out at the sensations the man was giving him. Detrick's body heated, his muscles tightening in anticipation. He needed Nick inside him, desperately."Yes!"Detrick nodded as Sol's word echoed in his head.Fear gripped Detrick when Nick moved away, but the man was back almost instantly, his kisses urgent as Detrick heard the pop of a bottle. He tensed slightly at the feel of Nick's slicked fingers at his entrance. He'd never made love with anyone but Sol in the last six years."Shhh, I won't hurt you." Nick whispered in Detrick's ear and he relaxed. No, he didn't believe Nick would hurt him. A tingling on his scalp told him Sol was still very much there with them.Detrick barely remembered Nick preparing him. It was the moment that Nick entered his body that he was focused on. There was no pain. A slight burning that dissipated quickly, but it was the fullness that he cherished. So full, so perfect. As Nick began to thrust, moans of pleasure erupted from Detrick. Nick's strong, yet tender thrusts had Detrick on the edge within minutes. "Ahh, I…I close Nick!" Detrick managed to warn Nick."Please…" "Please…" Detrick heard the plea in Nick's and Sol's voices. Detrick suddenly threw his head back, his orgasm slamming into him. Nick cried out at the very same moment and Detrick felt the ecstasy of Sol in his body too. He clung tightly to Nick as his body spasmed and his seed covered his chest and Nick's. "Sol!!" He cried out and heard Nick's hoarse whisper say their lover's name as well. He was there, loving them both, his essence surrounding them, protecting them and bringing them to heights Detrick had never known before.As Nick slumped on top of Detrick, he tightened his arms around the man. He couldn't help the tears that coursed down his temples to mingle with his sweat soaked hair. His emotions were overwhelming. Grief, longing, love, gratefulness and even happiness warred inside him."Hush, my trela mou. I will always be with you. You will feel my love every time my Nicholi loves you."Detrick couldn't help the sob that broke from him. He was going to be ok. His lover had saved him again. Had taken care of him and loved him, even if he was no longer alive. In that moment, Detrick knew without a doubt that Sol's love went beyond life."I love you." Nick whispered against Detrick's neck. "I love you." Sol's voice echoed around the room and Detrick knew Nick had heard it too. "And I love you." Detrick murmured, knowing both Nick and Sol would understand.
Love Beyond Life - WIP Short FREE Read
I am working on a free read!! Here is an excerpt:
Detrick's teeth chattered, the biting wind cutting through the threadbare coat and thin jeans he wore. He wasn't really paying much attention to the cold though, his mind and heart too overwhelmed with grief and pain. He knew he needed to get to the shelter, or there wouldn't be any beds left. But then, no matter what time he had shown up in the last two days, there was never a bed available. Detrick figured they preferred to give them to the elderly homeless men, and the youngest of those that appeared at their doorstep. Not someone like him. Twenty four, healthy, if thin and, to their reasoning, able to fend for himself. How wrong they were. The person who had taken care of him since he was eighteen was gone now. Solomon Fererro. Sol. The love of Detrick's life. Cut down by a brain aneurism. Detrick's chattering teeth clenched as he fought back the tears. Jesus, had it been only three days since Detrick had kissed Sol goodbye as his lover left for work? "Son, you can't stay here." A deep voice behind Detrick said, making Detrick jerk and turn so suddenly that he knocked his elbow against the wall he'd been huddling against, the pain radiating through his whole frozen body. "S…s…sorry sir." Detrick mumbled and wrapped his coat more firmly around him as he moved away."Hey." That deep voice said again. Detrick turned to look back over his shoulder. "How come you aren't at home? It's almost Christmas. Shouldn't you be with your family?" The man asked. Detrick felt the familiar sting of tears again. His only family was gone now.He shook his head at the man and turned away, hunching his shoulders against the wind and headed towards the shelter. Maybe tonight they would have a bed. It had started to snow and Detrick shivered hard. Surely they wouldn't leave him out in this?"Hey." Detrick heard the man again, but ignored him and kept walking. He jerked again when he felt a hand grab his arm. He yanked it out of the man's grip and glared. The man stepped back quickly. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." He said. "What do you want? I moved away from your door." Detrick said, hardly recognizing his own voice. It was raspy from the cold and the crying he'd been doing for the last two days.The man blushed and looked down. Detrick looked over the man while he waited for his answer. He was tall, maybe five or six inches taller than Detrick's 5'8". Detrick couldn't tell how big he was since the man was bundled up against the winter weather. He had dark brown hair with some silver at the temples, what looked like light blue eyes behind wire rim glasses and a strong jaw with a thick five o'clock shadow. Detrick's chest tightened. He looked like Sol.
The man looked back up at him. "Um, you don't have anywhere to go, do you?" He asked hesitantly. Detrick almost rolled his eyes. Why the hell else would he be hovering in the doorway of a small antique store? Detrick's pride tried to rear its head, but common sense prevailed and he shook his head. Besides, he'd never been a liar and didn't feel like starting now. The man nodded back, as if agreeing with Detrick, which was absurd. "Are you hungry?" The man asked. Again, it occurred to Detrick to lie, but when his stomach growled, that option fled. He nodded again."Um…" The man started, and then ran his gloved hand through his thick hair, making it stick up in tufts. Detrick's chest tightened even further. Sol had that same habit when he was nervous or frustrated."What do you want?" Detrick tried again hoping the man would just answer the question so Detrick could go and at least try to warm up at the shelter for a bit before they told him they had no room for him. His mind was racing as it was. Where the hell was he going to spend tonight?The man shook his head, his light blue eyes finally latching onto Detrick's green ones. "Nothing, well…to help." The man said. Detrick was dumbstruck. The shock turning to wariness quickly. No one wanted nothing in return for something. He narrowed his eyes at the man. "I don't think so." He replied and turned away."Please. It's just…you remind me of someone and I'd like to help, if you will let me." The man said to Detrick's back. Detrick turned back around, his curiosity pushing the grief away for a moment. "Who?"The man cleared his throat. "Um, a friend of mine. From a long time ago." He answered. Detrick wasn't stupid. That friend must have been pretty important as Detrick watched a deep sadness come over the man's face. A sadness that mirrored Detrick's own and tugged at his heart.Detrick remained silent, searching his feelings, but the man just didn't seem threatening to him. Not that Detrick had much experience with gauging people. He'd been very naive when Sol had found him, and Sol was very protective. Had been. Detrick tried to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat. He stood there, unable to decide what to do. What would Sol do? Detrick almost laughed. Sol would have lectured Detrick about trusting strangers, as if he were an eight year old. Detrick wiped his face angrily. But Sol wasn't here.The man continued to stare and then cleared his throat again. "At least keep me company for dinner?" The man said hesitantly. Detrick's stomach growled again. He hadn't eaten since Sol's family had kicked him out of his lover's home. Detrick nodded silently.The man gestured for Detrick to follow him and turned back towards the little store. Detrick fell into step behind the man, hands deep in his pockets even though that didn't really warm them. He could hardly feel them they were so frozen."What's your name?" Detrick asked the man's back. He stopped so suddenly that Detrick ran into him. He gasped as a tingle of awareness shot through him. What the hell was that? Guilt quickly followed. How could he possibly be…attracted…to another man just days after losing Sol? The man turned around and gazed down at Detrick. "My name's Nick. Nicholi Jerome." The man replied. Detrick nodded, then blushed at the man's inquiring look. "Detrick." He mumbled, unwilling to give his last name. "Detrick." The man repeated, his blue eyes going wide. "What?" Detrick asked, but the man just shook his head and turned to continue to the store.Detrick followed as the man…Nick…led him inside the warm interior and up some narrow stairs in the back of the store. After going through a door, Detrick found himself in a small, but cozy apartment. He stood in the center of the open room, unsure what to do, and surprised at himself that he was even here. He glanced at the small twinkling Christmas tree and looked away quickly. It was just a reminder that Christmas was tomorrow.Nick didn't stop until he was in the tiny kitchen and started pulling items out of the little refrigerator. "I hope you like patitsio." Nick said and again, that awareness flowed through Detrick. How did this man know his favorite dish? A Greek concoction that Sol made him. Used to make him.Pain suddenly sliced through Detrick and he sank to the floor trying to get a breath into his lungs. He abruptly found himself enveloped in strong arms and pulled against a hard chest. Something snapped and Detrick couldn't stop the sobs that tore at him. "Shhh, trela mou, shhhh. It will be ok." Nick murmured against Detrick's hair. It was the endearment that managed to work its way through Detrick's agony. "H..how did you know?" He stuttered, but didn't pull away from Nick. The man's arms felt too good to give up."Know what, zouzouni?" Nick asked tightening his embrace before letting Detrick go. Detrick shivered at the loss. Nick helped him stand and guided him to the soft sofa. Detrick sat down, drained and confused. "How did you know he called me that?" Detrick asked, looking at Nick as the man sat next to him. "Who?" Nick asked softly.Detrick didn't answer right away, getting lost in the sky blue of Nick's eyes. He shook his head, closing his own eyes and tried to remember what they were talking about. "What were you saying, trela mou?" Nick asked again, his hand holding Detrick's and his thumb rubbing soothingly across the back of it. Detrick looked down, concentrating on their hands. "Sol." He whispered, his eyes filling again. Nick's hand suddenly squeezing Detrick's had him looking up at the man. He sucked in a breath at the look on the older man's face. Nick's blue eyes had darkened and Detrick wasn't sure it was from anger, pain or what. "How did you know his name?" Nick said, pulling his hand away. "Know whose name?" Detrick asked. Nick ran his hand through his hair again, making the tufts more prominent. "My friend." Nick said his voice so low that Detrick almost didn't hear him."Your friend? I was talking about my…my…partner." Detrick said, unsure whether it was wise to mention he was gay.
Detrick's teeth chattered, the biting wind cutting through the threadbare coat and thin jeans he wore. He wasn't really paying much attention to the cold though, his mind and heart too overwhelmed with grief and pain. He knew he needed to get to the shelter, or there wouldn't be any beds left. But then, no matter what time he had shown up in the last two days, there was never a bed available. Detrick figured they preferred to give them to the elderly homeless men, and the youngest of those that appeared at their doorstep. Not someone like him. Twenty four, healthy, if thin and, to their reasoning, able to fend for himself. How wrong they were. The person who had taken care of him since he was eighteen was gone now. Solomon Fererro. Sol. The love of Detrick's life. Cut down by a brain aneurism. Detrick's chattering teeth clenched as he fought back the tears. Jesus, had it been only three days since Detrick had kissed Sol goodbye as his lover left for work? "Son, you can't stay here." A deep voice behind Detrick said, making Detrick jerk and turn so suddenly that he knocked his elbow against the wall he'd been huddling against, the pain radiating through his whole frozen body. "S…s…sorry sir." Detrick mumbled and wrapped his coat more firmly around him as he moved away."Hey." That deep voice said again. Detrick turned to look back over his shoulder. "How come you aren't at home? It's almost Christmas. Shouldn't you be with your family?" The man asked. Detrick felt the familiar sting of tears again. His only family was gone now.He shook his head at the man and turned away, hunching his shoulders against the wind and headed towards the shelter. Maybe tonight they would have a bed. It had started to snow and Detrick shivered hard. Surely they wouldn't leave him out in this?"Hey." Detrick heard the man again, but ignored him and kept walking. He jerked again when he felt a hand grab his arm. He yanked it out of the man's grip and glared. The man stepped back quickly. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." He said. "What do you want? I moved away from your door." Detrick said, hardly recognizing his own voice. It was raspy from the cold and the crying he'd been doing for the last two days.The man blushed and looked down. Detrick looked over the man while he waited for his answer. He was tall, maybe five or six inches taller than Detrick's 5'8". Detrick couldn't tell how big he was since the man was bundled up against the winter weather. He had dark brown hair with some silver at the temples, what looked like light blue eyes behind wire rim glasses and a strong jaw with a thick five o'clock shadow. Detrick's chest tightened. He looked like Sol.
The man looked back up at him. "Um, you don't have anywhere to go, do you?" He asked hesitantly. Detrick almost rolled his eyes. Why the hell else would he be hovering in the doorway of a small antique store? Detrick's pride tried to rear its head, but common sense prevailed and he shook his head. Besides, he'd never been a liar and didn't feel like starting now. The man nodded back, as if agreeing with Detrick, which was absurd. "Are you hungry?" The man asked. Again, it occurred to Detrick to lie, but when his stomach growled, that option fled. He nodded again."Um…" The man started, and then ran his gloved hand through his thick hair, making it stick up in tufts. Detrick's chest tightened even further. Sol had that same habit when he was nervous or frustrated."What do you want?" Detrick tried again hoping the man would just answer the question so Detrick could go and at least try to warm up at the shelter for a bit before they told him they had no room for him. His mind was racing as it was. Where the hell was he going to spend tonight?The man shook his head, his light blue eyes finally latching onto Detrick's green ones. "Nothing, well…to help." The man said. Detrick was dumbstruck. The shock turning to wariness quickly. No one wanted nothing in return for something. He narrowed his eyes at the man. "I don't think so." He replied and turned away."Please. It's just…you remind me of someone and I'd like to help, if you will let me." The man said to Detrick's back. Detrick turned back around, his curiosity pushing the grief away for a moment. "Who?"The man cleared his throat. "Um, a friend of mine. From a long time ago." He answered. Detrick wasn't stupid. That friend must have been pretty important as Detrick watched a deep sadness come over the man's face. A sadness that mirrored Detrick's own and tugged at his heart.Detrick remained silent, searching his feelings, but the man just didn't seem threatening to him. Not that Detrick had much experience with gauging people. He'd been very naive when Sol had found him, and Sol was very protective. Had been. Detrick tried to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat. He stood there, unable to decide what to do. What would Sol do? Detrick almost laughed. Sol would have lectured Detrick about trusting strangers, as if he were an eight year old. Detrick wiped his face angrily. But Sol wasn't here.The man continued to stare and then cleared his throat again. "At least keep me company for dinner?" The man said hesitantly. Detrick's stomach growled again. He hadn't eaten since Sol's family had kicked him out of his lover's home. Detrick nodded silently.The man gestured for Detrick to follow him and turned back towards the little store. Detrick fell into step behind the man, hands deep in his pockets even though that didn't really warm them. He could hardly feel them they were so frozen."What's your name?" Detrick asked the man's back. He stopped so suddenly that Detrick ran into him. He gasped as a tingle of awareness shot through him. What the hell was that? Guilt quickly followed. How could he possibly be…attracted…to another man just days after losing Sol? The man turned around and gazed down at Detrick. "My name's Nick. Nicholi Jerome." The man replied. Detrick nodded, then blushed at the man's inquiring look. "Detrick." He mumbled, unwilling to give his last name. "Detrick." The man repeated, his blue eyes going wide. "What?" Detrick asked, but the man just shook his head and turned to continue to the store.Detrick followed as the man…Nick…led him inside the warm interior and up some narrow stairs in the back of the store. After going through a door, Detrick found himself in a small, but cozy apartment. He stood in the center of the open room, unsure what to do, and surprised at himself that he was even here. He glanced at the small twinkling Christmas tree and looked away quickly. It was just a reminder that Christmas was tomorrow.Nick didn't stop until he was in the tiny kitchen and started pulling items out of the little refrigerator. "I hope you like patitsio." Nick said and again, that awareness flowed through Detrick. How did this man know his favorite dish? A Greek concoction that Sol made him. Used to make him.Pain suddenly sliced through Detrick and he sank to the floor trying to get a breath into his lungs. He abruptly found himself enveloped in strong arms and pulled against a hard chest. Something snapped and Detrick couldn't stop the sobs that tore at him. "Shhh, trela mou, shhhh. It will be ok." Nick murmured against Detrick's hair. It was the endearment that managed to work its way through Detrick's agony. "H..how did you know?" He stuttered, but didn't pull away from Nick. The man's arms felt too good to give up."Know what, zouzouni?" Nick asked tightening his embrace before letting Detrick go. Detrick shivered at the loss. Nick helped him stand and guided him to the soft sofa. Detrick sat down, drained and confused. "How did you know he called me that?" Detrick asked, looking at Nick as the man sat next to him. "Who?" Nick asked softly.Detrick didn't answer right away, getting lost in the sky blue of Nick's eyes. He shook his head, closing his own eyes and tried to remember what they were talking about. "What were you saying, trela mou?" Nick asked again, his hand holding Detrick's and his thumb rubbing soothingly across the back of it. Detrick looked down, concentrating on their hands. "Sol." He whispered, his eyes filling again. Nick's hand suddenly squeezing Detrick's had him looking up at the man. He sucked in a breath at the look on the older man's face. Nick's blue eyes had darkened and Detrick wasn't sure it was from anger, pain or what. "How did you know his name?" Nick said, pulling his hand away. "Know whose name?" Detrick asked. Nick ran his hand through his hair again, making the tufts more prominent. "My friend." Nick said his voice so low that Detrick almost didn't hear him."Your friend? I was talking about my…my…partner." Detrick said, unsure whether it was wise to mention he was gay.
December 8, 2011
Pros and Cons of Self-Publishing...
The feeling I got when I first saw my book on Amazon.com was euphoric. I was thrilled to see what I had created on a worldwide website. And the knowledge that it was available for readers to buy.
That feeling is still there with each subsequent story published, but not nearly as strong as that first one. I have learned, over time, that self-publishing has it's ups and downs. It is such a simple thing. You write a story, get cover art if you can, and with a few clicks, it's there for all to see and purchase. It is instant gratification. Certainly an American trait.
But that satisfaction soon wains when sales are not what you thought they would be, or you have only the one avenue for buyers to link to. You learn, as you work hard to establish yourself as an author, that self-publishing might be easy, but isn't as satisfying as you first thought.
There are distinct advantages to going through a publisher. One is a much wider array of avenues for readers to access. I have learned this the hard way, by lower sales, and surprisingly comments from future readers. To read a comment that suggests my books were hard to find is difficult.
As an author, I want my books to be easy to find and available. Self-publishing doesn't allow that.
So, my new goal is to make my books as available as possible in many different venues. I take the ones already published and add them to different websites, and will now be submitting my many WIP's to publishers with the hope that they are acceptable and will soon be all over the place for readers to enjoy.
That feeling is still there with each subsequent story published, but not nearly as strong as that first one. I have learned, over time, that self-publishing has it's ups and downs. It is such a simple thing. You write a story, get cover art if you can, and with a few clicks, it's there for all to see and purchase. It is instant gratification. Certainly an American trait.
But that satisfaction soon wains when sales are not what you thought they would be, or you have only the one avenue for buyers to link to. You learn, as you work hard to establish yourself as an author, that self-publishing might be easy, but isn't as satisfying as you first thought.
There are distinct advantages to going through a publisher. One is a much wider array of avenues for readers to access. I have learned this the hard way, by lower sales, and surprisingly comments from future readers. To read a comment that suggests my books were hard to find is difficult.
As an author, I want my books to be easy to find and available. Self-publishing doesn't allow that.
So, my new goal is to make my books as available as possible in many different venues. I take the ones already published and add them to different websites, and will now be submitting my many WIP's to publishers with the hope that they are acceptable and will soon be all over the place for readers to enjoy.
November 28, 2011
Accidental Alpha #28
After everyone sat down, Fenris asked again. "Mom, where's Peter? He never called his stepfather anything but by his first name. The two never really bonded even if the man did help raise him. Wolves went by scent and to Fenris, Peter had never smelled quite right."I left him." His mother's voice had a hardness he'd never heard before."But why?""I found out he was cheating on me.""I'll kill him," Fenris' father growled. "How dare he cheat on my mate!"Stanley leaned over and whispered in Fenris' ear. "You're family is strange."Fenris nodded.His mother sat down next to his father. They exchanged smiles but it was more the smile of old friends than hot spark between mates. His father patted his mother's hand as if united towards a common enemy."He said he wanted someone who cared for him. I've washed that man's underwear for ten years. If that doesn't say love what does?"Fenris' father shook his head. "You can come and stay with me, pet. I'll gut him if he comes around."His mother laughed. "Thanks Van. I kicked that no good jerk to the curb. I think I can handle him.""Hmm. Did Fenris tell you his mate is a Prime.""No!" Fenris' mother gasped as she examined Stanley closer."Yeah, he knocked me on my ass.""Serves you right playing alpha games with the boy. You're lucky he didn't kill you."His father shrugged. "He's new. I figured he'd be weak.""My son has never been weak," the Overseer snarled."Well since he's yours…." His father let the insult linger.If Millie hadn't placed a restraining hand on her husband he probably would've come across the table to try and kick Fenris' father's butt."I believe we're here to celebrate our mating," Fenris interjected.The fathers grunted and exchanged glares.Yep, this was going to be fun."What's a Prime Alpha?" Stanley asked.Fenris turned his attention back to the only person who deserved it, his mate."A Prime Alpha is like the alphas alpha. You're stronger than most alphas and you have bigger fangs. Let's just say I'm not worried about Sebastian's possible battle with you. You'll be able to handle him without problem. Because you're so strong you'll probably end up taking over more territory.""Huh, weird."Poor Stanley had done so well until now, but Fenris could feel the edges of his mate's control starting to unravel.He slid his hand beneath the table to entangle with Fenris. His mother gave him a concerned look. "Is it a mutual bond?"Fenris nodded. Stanley said, "Yes.""Good," she said with satisfaction.The one-way bond with his parents was always a source of battle between them with his father trying to take control, and his mother fighting back. "Once you settle into your alpha territory we can talk about boundaries. Your territory butts against mine. I'm going to give you two months to settle in before we need to talk."Stanley bristled at the older man's tone. A low growl built in his throat. Oooh, not good. Fenris tried to calm his mate but his father just had to push. "I was never happy that Fenris joined another pack I think with your bonding we should think about merging the two packs and forming one. I can be there to lead it since you're new to the entire alpha thing."Damn Stanley was fast.Fenris' father dangled from Stanley's grip, pinned against the wall by one hand. The Prime Alpha's power rolled across Fenris like a tidal wave. Gasping he held his human form almost certain it was only their bond that kept him from shifting."I'll tell you this once. I will hold my territory. It is mine. I'm not merging my pack with anyone.""Stanley drop my father." Fenris tried to infuse as much command in the statement as possible. The only one an enraged alpha will listen to is his mate.His father hit the ground with a thud.
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