Phil Davis's Blog, page 3

Sex in Writing

When I was young, in my formative years, reading salacious novels, books with vivid descriptions of love-making was alluring and seductive. It was a new world. And now it’s not.

I’m reminded of words from an early novel I wrote.

“The same but different.”

It was science fiction, and the reference spoke to similarities of life forms in the universe (a complete speculation, but it is scifi). But I think it applies here.

We all know how it works, and if we don’t, there are a multitude of films (I’m surprised how many) on Hulu and Prime that show and don’t tell. Everyone brings something different to the party, but the act is essentially the same.

The image I selected for this post is like a six-word story. Those who’ve been there don’t need anymore.

I know as a writer I will include these scenes in my stories. It’s expected and it’s natural.

The following is a small section from Lies, Deception, a demonstration of how I like to handle sex in writing.

There were no trade winds and no hint of a swell in the lagoon, and the boat rested, peaceful in the morning stillness. The bed sheets were pushed away from their bodies, a rumpled heap on the cabin floor.

There was little relief from the thick, moisture-laden air.

“Can you turn the fan on? It’s hot in here.” Dala asked.

Remy flipped the switch and the fan started its rotation. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Dala lowered her voice, letting her fingers meander over his chest and below his waist. “Let’s turn out the light and go around again.”

“Why turn out the light?”

“Because it’s sexy, more romantic.”

Remy pushed her hair away from her face. He looked at her, exploring her smooth skin, the sharp edge where the jaw turns back to the neck, and how the light plays with the contours of her face.

“Okay. But you’re much too pretty for the dark.”

Something New

While Lies and Deception is out for editing, proofing, and reviews, I have some time to work on a new project. I’ve had a concept rolling around inside my head for weeks and like the “Affect of Red”, I have a cause to highlight.

The working title is “Just A Touch” and I’m outlining the sequence of the story now. A few characters have been selected, and I have a venue(s) picked.

This time I wanted to come out of the blocks hard and fast. I don’t like prologues, so I wrote a preface (I guess) to Chapter 1. I’ve run through my second outline, and it’s been tightened up somewhat.

This preface was difficult to write for two reasons:

I didn’t want to mention any character names (except one). I feel it would give away too much in plot development.

It’s an assault on a woman, and I purposely wanted it to be shocking without getting into sexual descriptions.

The piece has a way to go, and I don’t know if it will make it to the final story. If it does, this  one will rely on readers to fill in some of the blanks, and trust I will fill in other details to explain what was really going on.

T he cabin door opened, humid tropical air rushed into the fuselage, and the piercing whine of jet engines was suddenly louder. She couldn’t move. Her thoughts were chaotic. Her mind said flee, but she was powerless. Whatever drugs they gave her robbed her energy.

Hands were all over her, taking off her top and shorts. More hands grasped her wrists, and she was dragged along the cabin floor.

The hands were rough, inhuman, and the men were shadows, hulking, vile demons. Their heavy breaths were rapid. Their laughter mocked her and terrorized her psyche.

Her vision blurred, her body shaking, and involuntary spasms spreading deep inside forced her to roll into a ball. She fought to stay awake, aware. An object struck her face. Bare knuckles collided with the bone of her skull. The impact rang like the peal of a bell, reverberating inside her skull. There was no pain. By this time, she was numb to pain.

Her mind was a torrent, unable to focus, and she abandoned her attempts to free herself. A hand rested on her face, fingers pushing her head into the flooring, and she could feel the warm moisture of someone’s breath close. Breath that smelled of tobacco and alcohol, and a tongue licked her ear and cheek. Its texture was rough, the surface scratched her skin, and there was a muffled laugh that echoed in her head.

More hands ripped off her bikini, fingers probed her skin, and a hollow laugh haunted her as other fingers groped her genitals.

“Dis one too far. Drugs got her. Is da gone. Tros her out. Git de other.”

She heard the slurred words as more hands lifted her and swung her back, then forward, and then she was airborne, heaved like a bag of trash, her head scraping the door frame as she passed through the opening. The asphalt tarmac was not far below, and she felt the punishing impact as her head bounced off the rough surface.

Hot exhaust gasses blew over her and burnt her skin. The searing air pushed her, and she was rolling down a bank. Pressure from a wall of hot air impacted her skin. Its force penetrated her mouth and nostrils. It was scalding, and she could feel the heat in her lungs.

Her thoughts were jumbled, and her body unable to stop the rolling. She continued falling down the slope, turning, shoulder over shoulder and then stopping like a stone falling into the water. Small waves rushed over her, they pushed her from side to side, and she turned onto her back and welcomed the coolness. She tried to open her eyes. There was no vision, no energy left, only fear.

There was a shriek, a voice, she thought, a different pitch from the scream of the engines. It lasted an instant, and then it was gone.

More voices, shouting obscenities, mocking and insulting her, and then a door closed. The jet engines roared, and the hot flow turned to a gentle breeze and was quickly gone.

She laid back, water pushing her against the sand and tears flowing over her cheeks.

“Kalana.” The word barely crawled between her lips. “Papa. No Papa.”

Characters: Personality, Flaws, and Distinctive Qualities

Writing is a multi-faceted skill that should be seamless and coherent. It should take your reader to new places and meet new people. Good writing includes tension, conflict, and resolution. I am always thinking of an inciting incident to kick things off.

In the Affect of Red, I started with a Prologue where a young girl jumps off a tenth-story balcony. It’s a short piece, about 650 words. It was meant to be a hook to bring the reader into the story, and to create a conflict that would drive the reader onward.

Those were early days, formative years for my writing. Working with Coach has opened my eyes to many techniques to make my readers’ experience full of vibrant colors.

There are many elements to successful writing and today is about characters. These are the people you introduce and use to tell your story. The goal is to give your reader something to like or dislike about your significant characters. To do this, there are some simple guidelines to be thinking of as you create characters

Establish a character’s motivations and goalsChoose a voiceDo a slow revealCreate conflictDescribe a character’s personality in familiar termsPaint a physical picture of your charactersDevelop secondary characters

You’re the writer. You control the scene, and it’s your job to give the reader enough to be a sensory participant in the story.

As an architect, my mind works visualizing images. I create images for every character and every scene. Like the image I used for this article.

There are five people three men and two women. Where are they? Why are they there? Why are they separated into two groups? Is the couple in the background plotting against the others? Or is it as simple as him asking her on a date?

You’re in charge. Give your characters goals and also give them personalities. Give them flaws. In Lies, Deception and the Stealing of Wealth, Jessica Bettin is flawed (enhanced by her friend Caroline). There is good reason for her flaws, and I roll that out over the telling of the story. Caroline is a big help with her sassy comebacks reminding Jessica of these flaws.

I allow my characters to describe themselves through action and dialog. Otherwise, Coach would be on me every time I start to bloviate.

In Stephen King’s book on writing, he provides excellent advise for describing characters.

“For me, good description usually consists of a few well-chosen details that will stand for everything else.”

“If I tell you that Carrie White is a high school outcast with a bad complexion and a fashion-victim wardrobe, I think you can do the rest.”

The celebrated architect Mies van der Rohe is know for the words: “Less is More.”

Coach and I had one whole Zoom session on the Six Word Story. At the time it was a burden to work that hard just to write a description. Do it a few times, it will get easier.

Look for methods used by other authors. I like to read V.E. Schwab because of her descriptive passages. She does bloviate on occasion, but I give her a pass because I like her prose.

Reading from a variety of authors provides context. It’s when I read other indie writers’ work I notice the lack of fluid descriptions with the use of just a few words.

Getting back to the picture with this blog.

A favorite subtlety of dialog is who is talking? Is it a man and a man, a man and a woman, or a woman and a woman? This is an observed science that a writer really needs to be aware of. 

In chapter eleven of Lies, Deception, and the Stealing of Wealth, there is a conversation between  Remy and Dala about this subject. Dala starts…

“She’s friendly and I’ve talked with her a little. Girl stuff, greetings and pleasantries mostly.”

“When did this happen?” Remy started. “And why is she talking to you?”

“I don’t have any friends of my own. There’s nobody to talk to, except you. I…”

“Dala,” Remy interrupted.

“What?”

“It’s for a good reason,” he started. “Catalina has been specific about outside friends.”

 “I’ve been to the Beach Garden alone a few times. She always stops by my table to say hello. She’s nice. I miss my girlfriends, someone to talk to.”

“You talk to me,” Remy said.

“It’s not the same,” she rolled her eyes. “With girlfriends I can be myself. With lovers the conversation is a dance of words.”

My reader, Misha from Wyoming, singled this out in her comments to me. I knew I was on the right track.

The point is to give your character’s gender and personality. And…pay attention to the path discussions take between genders.

And… don’t bloviate.

Maui Kites and Windsurfing

The island of Maui is a windsurfer’s dream. Trade winds buffet the eastern side of the island, funneling between Haleakala and the West Maui Mountains, accelerating across the island. Some of the best spots are the stretch of beach from Ho’okipa to Kahului.

On almost any day you can drive down to Paia, Baldwin or Spreckles beaches, sit in the sand and watch the colorful action.

Don’t Get Too Attached to the Work

As writers, we have to be willing to let some of the good stuff go. We work hard to accomplish our goals for each chapter. We make sure our word choices are appropriate and consider the tempo and rhythm of each sentence. And sometimes, no matter how good that chapter is, we just might have to deep-six it.

It took me a long time to get there.

My writing coach made a comment a while back. It concerned the fact that I didn’t have much in the way of character development for one of my major characters. She was right, but that character’s status raised to the front line, and to be truthful, I hadn’t caught up with her development.

I wrote a new chapter. I worked hard to get all the elements in I wanted without bloviating too much. After about a half-dozen iterations, I had a final chapter and looked at it. I considered its importance (it was), and something tugged at me. I think it was my writing coach’s words, “show don’t tell – show don’t tell.”

I let it ferment, read it several times, and coach won.

I incorporated all the basic elements into mostly dialog and voilà. Character development is more effective when it’s in context with the characters and with the situation.

I’m not going to post the entire 1,200 words here. I picked about 440 words from the middle as they are the most character-defining words.

My point is to not get overly attached to your work. Have confidence that the magic will continue.

Angelina prepared a proposal for him to consider.

He arrived on time, and they discussed the proposal over sangria and Jamón Iberico.

“Why do you want to give up the glamor and fame of a successful modeling career?”

Cisco watched Angelina’s eyes, dark brown afloat in white.

“It’s time,” she began. “I’m thirty-one and there are so many younger girls to compete with.” She pushed her long black hair behind her shoulders. “I want to do something important. Make a difference. You know all the clichés.”

“But this isn’t a cliché?”

“No, Cisco. You know me better than that.” Her response was pragmatic and direct.

“Did something happen in the last month? You were pretty high on your modeling career. Since the sessions with Ferrari you’ve gained some fame here in Barcelona and in Europe.”

“Sí. And there was a time when that was all I wanted.”

“There’s an element of danger in the investigation business, Angel. I don’t want to answer to Miguel and Laela if something were to happen.”

Angelina laced her fingers. “Mama and Papa are not a part of this. I’m not a child, Cisco. The modeling industry is crowded with predators.”

“A different kind of predator,” Cisco said.

“You’ll always protect me. There has never been anyone I trust as I trust you.”

Angelina poured more wine and watched him write notes in his journal.

“You need a woman to provide balance in your business. I’ve seen that many of your clients are women. You know me, Cisco. I can provide balance with a softer touch, and I can go places you can’t.”

“You’ve never made a habit of following wild ideas. I like your concept.”

“You have access to the best clientele as do I. Let’s be a team and do this.”

“I want to be certain it’s right for both of us. Are you sure there isn’t any pressure from your mother?”

“She doesn’t know about my decision.”

“And…” Cisco coaxed her for more.

Angelina exhaled a sigh. “It was something Mama said when we went to their house for dinner last week.”

“What did she say?” he asked.

Another sigh and hershoulders dropped. “When we were alone in the kitchen, she asked me: When are you going to make a difference Angelina? Being a model is a game for girls. You’re the oldest, and it is time. Time for you to represent the de Leòn Santos name and the legacy it brings.”

“I hear your father’s words from your mother’s mouth.” Cisco smiled at the woman who, as a girl, infatuated him, and today was the center of his affections.

Paintings | Rewind Series — Edge of Humanity Magazine

This series will focus on showcasing timeless photography that will tell human condition stories and provide enjoyment.  Selected from features published since the magazine’s birth in 2014, these hidden visuals will again come to life to touch your hearts. 233 more words

Paintings | Rewind Series — Edge of Humanity Magazine