Bryan Caron's Blog, page 3

Movie Mayhem – Our Friend

Our Friend — 2021; Directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite; Starring Casey Affleck, Dakota Johnson, Jason Segel, Isabella Kai and Violet McGraw

Casey Affleck had some big shoes to fill when he followed his brother into acting. But where Ben traveled the blockbuster path after winning an Oscar for Good Will Hunting and become an overnight action star, little brother Casey dug his roots into the independent film market (with only a few big-budget films to his credit). Over the years, Affleck has built a resume of modest, sincere melodramatic roles that show off his incredible pathos. For this reason, I haven’t seen many of Affleck’s films, as they tend not to be of interest to me. But due to the continued pandemic, there still aren’t a lot of films out there right now, so I figured I’d check out his newest film, Our Friend, and I was pleasantly surprised by the film’s earnest look into a man struggling to stay afloat as he witnesses the extreme heartache of cancer.

Based on the article “The Friend” written by Matthew Teague, Affleck portrays Matthew as a happily married man and aspiring writer stuck in a bit of a rut as a feature writer at a secondary newspaper. After getting a job at a major paper (and subsequently being turned into a war corespondent), Matt’s wife Nicole (Dakota Johnson) is diagnosed with cancer that quickly spreads and becomes terminal. As he attempts to do what he can to take care of her and their two young daughters, the couple’s good friend Dane (Jason Segel) moves in to help them where he can.

A movie like this, which takes a very personal and genuine look into the ups and downs of love and life, relies heavily on the core team of actors to make it work. Affleck, Johnson and Segel use a profound arsenal of subtly to deliver vibrant, honest performances; not once did I believe any of their journeys were fake or manufactured. It helps that the screenplay, written by Brad Ingelsby, is just as strong, providing a depth of character that the actors could play into and develop throughout the film in a realistic and passionate way.

One actor in particular to pay attention to is Isabella Kai, who plays Matt and Nicole’s eldest daughter, Molly. Kai may only be in her early-to-mid teens, but she has several television appearances to her name, and it’s clear with her performance here that she’ll be a force to be reckoned with in the future. Looking a lot like a relative of Abigail Breslin in her early years, Kai’s level of knowledge and talent is on par with the caliber of her more famous, veteran co-stars. When Nicole decides to tell their daughters that she is dying, Kai’s slow realization of this fact is the most heartbreaking moment of the film. As her emotion bubbles slowly to the surface and then explodes in an intense burst of tears, it’s hard not to feel every ounce of pain she’s enduring.

Where the film falters slightly is in the structure, which bounces back and forth from before the diagnosis to “present day”. It does work on a few levels — in some instances, revelations that would have otherwise been simply another note in the overall scheme if done lineally actually alter the storytelling in surprising ways, and the feeling that this is a story being told by someone whose thoughts are completely jumbled, make the film feel chaotic in a good way. However, because of this chaos, it becomes harder and harder as the film goes on to understand when certain events took place. Again, this works to show that what’s happening is deeper than a surface-level narrative and digs into the confusion of someone attempting to recall what happened after losing a loved one to something he had no control over, but this confusion makes it hard to compile your thoughts. Attempting to piece everything together gets in the way of completely losing yourself within the story.

Where this idea and structure comes into play the most is in the idea that this isn’t just about the love between a man and his wife. This film, this story, this journey is also about the love between friends and how that type of bond is just as important as the bond that forms between lovers. It’s in this unique friendship and brotherhood that both Matt and Dane are able to rise above the mundane and miserable aspects of what’s happening and find true meaning in who they are as individuals and partners.

It’s also important to know where one stands in this type of relationship; that just because you may be struggling, there’s always someone there to lift you up, to become your strength and help you discover the truth within your soul. This message wouldn’t have been as clear had it not been for the magnetic nuance that Affleck and Segel share. Together, they’re your typical friends, but alone, you’re able to connect to the desperation within each one of them and how much they need that source of companionship to carry them through to the next chapter in their life.

I wasn’t sure if I would enjoy Our Friend going in, but I’m happy I chose to see the film. Even though the overall essence of the movie is sad and a bit depressing, as this type of melodramatic film always is, the film also has a strong heart that delivers an inspirational message of faith and friendship that is needed to live life to the fullest, no matter the darkness that may try to strip you of your love.

My Grade: A

Bonus Reviews:

Though the road trip that encompsses a third of the film comes off a bit hollow because of a lack of chemistry between the two leads, The Ultimate Playlist of Noise is a sweet and heartfelt ode to what the majority of us take for granted: the mystery and elegance of the sound that surrounds us. A-

Next week, new movies include The Little Things and The Dig (Netflix). If you would like to see a review for this, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

Movie Mayhem – The Marksman

The Marksman — 2021; Directed by Robert Lorenz; Starring Liam Neeson, Jacob Perez, Juan Pablo Raba and Katheryn Winnick

Ever since Taken became a surprise hit in January 2008, Liam Neeson has been slowly pigeonholed into the role of revenge-seeking man with a particular set of skills. Since several of the films he made over the next few years, including Unknown, The Grey, and Non-Stop, were also released in January or February and did well at the box office, it makes sense. It almost became an event to see Neeson’s new action-thriller to start the year off right! They’ve tried to replicate this success over the past couple of years but after the dismal attempt to recapture that same magic with Cold Pursuit in 2019, it’s getting harder to get excited for yet another Taken-retread in the early months of the year. That doesn’t bode well for The Marksman, Neeson’s new thriller about a rancher who fights off the cartel to give a young boy a new life.

Neeson plays Jim, a recent widower who finds out his border ranch is going up for auction unless he can come up with six months of payments in ninety days. Things go from bad to worse when he runs into Miguel (Jacob Perez), a young boy illegally crossing the border with his mother (Teresa Ruiz), while patrolling the edge of his property. A firefight with a Mexican cartel, lead by Mauricio (Juan Pablo Raba), then ensues when Jim refuses to send Miguel back. During the skirmish, Mauricio’s brother is killed and Miguel’s mother is shot. Before she succumbs to the wound, Jim promises to drive Miguel to his family in Chicago. Let the road trip begin!

With the cartel tracking every move Jim makes from Arizona to Chicago, you’d expect this mismatched road trip to be full of heart-racing excitement, and yet, what we get is much more mundane. Nothing against Perez, but his performance is a bit bland and he doesn’t connect as well with Neeson as this type of film needs to sustain its emotional center. Neeson is of course his usual “particluar set of skills” self, complete with gravelly voice, tired, worn, attitude and an eye for the kill when needed most. But that’s all it seems to be, as the “marksman” character trait seems to be all but missing from the film. Other than a nice setup at the beginning when Jim kills a coyote for attacking his livestock, there’s only one other instance of him actually being a marksman, and even that is wasted.

What little action there is in the film never seems natural. The majority of decisions made by nearly every character seem more in line with the screenwriter’s need to put them in particular situations than it is a natural progression of plot or character. For instance, in one scene, a corrupt cop on Mauricio’s payroll pulls Jim over and puts him in the back of the squad car. The obvious setup would require Jim to somehow break out of the squad car to get away once he realizes the truth. Instead, the officer removes Jim from the squad car and asks him to get back in the truck. What? Why? There are several additional scenarios that follow this same illogical progression.

Many of the relationships the film tries to setup also aren’t fleshed out as much as they could be. The bond that Jim and Miguel form over the course of their trip is done well enough, but the relationship Jim has with one of the border agents (Katheryn Winnick) lacks enough depth for the direction the filmmakers are attempting to achieve. We’re also to believe that Jim’s respect for other military personal would trump his own anger and fortitude, but the idea fueling this connection doesn’t have enough weight to influence the decisions made in the climax of the film. The writers do what they can to set it up, but fall short in making it at all affecting.

Putting Men In Black: International aside, The Marksman is Neeson’s third major film in a row that tries desperately to borrow as much from Taken as humanly possible without plagiarizing that far superior film. The Marksman does a slightly better job than Cold Pursuit in finding a level of balance that doesn’t just feel like a copy of a copy, but can’t seem to pull the trigger on the right emotions to deliver a clear sense of urgency, escape and bare-bones adrenaline that these earlier films were able to inspire.

My Grade: B-

Bonus Reviews:

Anthony Mackie stars as a lone-wolf soldier in Outside the Wire, a Netflix original sci-fi military actioner that has a lot of incredible special effects and some interesting ideas, but falls short on almost everything else, from a somewhat convoluted plot to poor casting choices and confusing character developments. Listen to my full (SPOILER) review of Outside the Wire on Ramblin’ Reviews. B

Next week, new movies include Brothers By Blood and The White Tiger (Netflix). If you would like to see a review for this, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

Movie Mayhem – Redemption Day

Redemption Day — 2021; Directed by Hicham Hajii; Starring Gary Dourdan, Serinda Swan, Andy Garcia, Brice Bexter, Martin Donovan, and Ernie Hudson

After a mostly dreadful year in movies, all we can hope is that things change as we creep slowly into 2021. In a normal year, January would be a dumping ground for films that couldn’t hack it during the summer or fit comfortably into the holiday season mold (or Oscar-bait contenders expanding into additional theaters). Because there were no Oscar films released over the last few months that weren’t directly sent to streaming services, and for the most part, a lot of theaters across the country are still closed, it doesn’t bode well for the offerings that will come our way over the next few weeks. This is backed up by the first major offering of 2021, Redemption Day, which can’t seem to find a voice it cares about.

Gary Dourdan stars as Brad Paxton, a former marine who jumps back into action after his wife, Kate (Serinda Swan), is abducted for accidentally crossing the Albanian border during an archeological dig. Usually this type of rescue mission is full of emotionally-charged sequences as our hero charges behind enemy lines to rescue the love of his life. Not here. We hardly get to know either of these characters as individuals, much less a couple, prior to Kate’s abduction, and because Dourdan delivers his usual sleepy performance, the film severs any authentic connection that would warrant any real emotion to bridge the distance between them.

This underwhelming lack of emotion highlights almost every aspect of this film. Nothing much rises beyond typical, routine elements, from an abundance of stock characters to a rote script and a lack of consistent lighting. As an example, Dourdan is supposedly haunted by an incident he went through while deployed, but which never thoroughly explains the trigger that pushed him to have post-traumatic syndrome nightmares about his time there. Yes, anyone who has gone to war can find it hard to adjust back to normal life, but you’d expect there to be some devastating moment that hammers this idea home within these constant flashbacks. You’d also expect these flashbacks to have a real purpose during the climax, but other than a minor moment of pause, there’s nothing here that would warrant any type of redemption, as assumed by the title.

I don’t know if it was simply the showing that I was in, but the sound was also a bit rough. Everything from the dialogue to the sound effects was about a half-second off the visuals, making the film feel a bit stilted. This is just the tipping point of several low-budget mistakes that took me out of the film. One such moment was when the head of the U.S. Embassy in Morraco (Andy Garcia) discusses the call for ransom with the U.S. President and his staff. Not only is the President’s quarters so bare and unofficial in relation to what a real situation room might look like, but the actor they hired to play the president (Jay Footlik) is so weak, it’s hard to believe he’s the president’s shoe-shine boy much less the commander-in-chief.

There are also several characters that don’t seem to have any significance to anything (including the President himself). This includes Brad and Kate’s daughter (Lilia Hajji), who I’m assuming is the director’s daughter and doesn’t look or sound as if she would be the offspring of either actor, and Brad’s father (Ernie Hudson). There are only a couple of insignificant scenes of the daughter eating breakfast, and after Brad leaves for Morraco, his father comes to babysit his daughter, but then we never hear from either of them again. To explain a bit more, Brad’s father spars with him early on at a training facility, a sequence that never pays off in any significant manner.

The worst of it is what amounts to the initial setup and the end hook, which apparently tries to setup some grand conspiracy, but does so in the most confusing and uninteresting manner possible. At the very beginning, we’re given a bunch of information about the oil industry and that wars are fought over them and that it’s a big money-maker, but never again is this concept even alluded to until the very last five or so minutes of the film when a new character is introduced that has almost nothing to do with the film itself. It’s as if this scene was written by the executives in a last-ditch effort to give reason to what just happened and then build intrigue for a sequel. But because there is never any mention of oil, the fight over oil, or any such interesting information that would make either end of the film mean anything to what actually happens anywhere else, who really cares?

This tacked-on ending also adds an odd twist that sort of negates the character motivation of one of the key players in the search for Kate, an idea that pretty much sums up the movie itself. So many things are brought up (such as the excavation of a city under the desert, a possible pregnancy and Brad getting shot) and then forgotten or cast-off to wander the desert of extinction. I know it’s not, but if Redemption Day is the marker for things to come, I have a bad feeling about 2021.

My Grade: D+

Next week, new movies include The Marksman and Outside the Wire. If you would like to see a review for one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

Movie Mayhem – The Best and Worst Movies of 2020

Ah 2020. The year that saw movie theaters close for half the year (and in some states, the majority of the year), production studios shut down for months and product being shipped off to On-Demand and streaming services. Because of that, this year marks the first year that a movie premiering on a streaming service has made my list of Best and Worst movies of the year.

Despite everything that happened over this past year, I was still able to see 39 films in theaters (down from the normal 115-130 movies I normally see). I also saw 15 movies on Disney+, Hulu and Netflix to bring my grand total to 54, 20 of which earned a grade of A- or above. Believe me when I say that there were a lot of stinkers out there this year, but there were also a lot of bright spots as well, and some movies that did make my top 10, like the box office itself, probably wouldn’t have made the list had the insanity that was 2020 not come to pass. With that said, here are my picks for the Best and the Worst of 2020.

You may also listen to the breakdown on my new podcast!

Top 10 Best

#10 — Tenet

John David Washington & Robert Pattinson

It’s amazing that Tenet squeaked into my top ten list by the skin of it’s overly-complicated plot. I can tell you with confidence that the film would not have cracked the top ten had theaters not been shut down and every other movie originally slated for 2020 was released on schedule. But it’s been a weird year, and I don’t know if it’s because Christopher Nolan used time inversion or not, but he did just enough to give Tenet a fighting chance. Plenty of good performances kept Nolan’s mind-bending plot moving at a nice clip despite needing a doctorate in physics to understand 10% of it. Attempting to decipher what’s happening is actually half the fun, even as it settles into a systematic process. Clever action sequences and plenty of interesting twists cover the other half of the two-and-half hour film. I can’t say Tenet is one of Christopher Nolan’s best films, as he does seem to get lost in his own cleverness at times, but it is good enough to stand as a worthy popcorn movie that doesn’t kowtow to the lowest common denominator.

#9 — The Hunt

Betty Gilpin

The Hunt got a lot of press months before it was released as the political right attacked it for going too far in the depiction of rich (supposedly conservative) tycoons kidnapping poor and minority (supposedly liberal) players to be hunted in the giant backyard of the game’s conspirator. The idea of hunting humans for sport isn’t new — The Most Dangerous Game being the original source — but the current political atmosphere elevated the film into something much more uncompromising. However, no matter how angry anyone may get over how one side is depicted, The Hunt doesn’t care. The film isn’t afraid to make fun of and utterly tear down all sides of the political spectrum, hitting both hypocritical factions with as many shots as the other. That’s where the fun comes in. Once you get past the excessive gore and political rhetoric, The Hunt turns its predecessor into something that makes no sense but still captures your attention with plenty of shocking moments in one wild, insane ride.

#8 — Black Beauty

Mackenzie Foy

Disney+ hasn’t delivered a ton of new content since starting their service in November 2019, but it is a bit of a marvel (pun intended) that the first full year Disney+ is in operation, three new entries premiering exclusively on their service made both the top ten best and five worst films of the year. All three films were meant to be theatrical releases that ended up on the streaming service only because of COVID-19. But where Artemis Fowl never found its voice (see review below), Black Beauty was one of the films that did everything right. From the remarkable cinematography to the beautiful bond between Mackenzie Foy’s lonely orphan and the horse that basically saves her life, Beauty understands the material better then any previous adaptation that has come before. Kate Winslet does a nice job narrating the film by way of the stallion, but it’s to the filmmaker’s credit for getting such raw emotion from the horse, giving it life that no CGI could ever give an animal. In the end, Beauty presents a wonderful story of how friendships, no matter the type, can help one overcome grief and pain to find new life.

#7 — I Still Believe

K.J. Apa and Britt Robertson

Sappy stories revolving around a couple who meet and fall in love only to be crushed by a terminal illness are far from rare. In fact, at least one or two of these types of film find their way into cineplexes every year. From my experience, most of them tend to find just the right balance between uplifting joy and gloomy sorrow. I Still Believe definitely falls into that category as it carries its based on real events love story between Christian singer Jeremy Camp (K.J. Apa) and his first wife (Britt Robertson) with unequivocal tenderness. Watching these two come together and hold strong for one another despite the odds is both heartbreaking and tender all at the same time. The film may feel a little bit rushed at times, but Apa and Robertson rise above the blemishes to create a chemistry that carries the film into the heavens.

#6 — Wonder Woman 1984

Gal Gadot

I’ve seen a lot of headlines in regards to Wonder Woman 1984 getting hit hard with negative reviews. On some level, I can understand where these reviews are coming from. The story is a bit underwhelming, some of the action sequences are a little long in the tooth at times, and you don’t have to dig too far to find plot holes this side of the surface of the moon. However, I have to wonder if some of the negativity comes from those who chose — or were forced — to watch the film on the small screen. There have been reports that the quality of HBO Max’s streaming capabilities was nowhere near ready to handle the magnitude of a film that showcases the same set pieces we have all become accustomed to on the big screen. Having been fortunate enough to see the film in the theater as it was always intended, I have to say I found the sequel to be better than the original Wonder Woman. It was a little more light and breezy than the first film, and though I agree that the way Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) is reintroduced could have been done in a different way, I liked the device used to make it happen. The filmmakers gave the film just the right amount of comedy and heart and pushed Diana to become the hero she was always meant to be to defeat the menace attempting to destroy the world.

#5 — Emma.

Anya Taylor-Joy and Bill Nighy

The reason I believe Emma. works is because of its stellar cast; everyone involved understand the material to the core of their being. Based on the Jane Austen novel of the same name, Anya Taylor-Joy is a marvel as the title character and plays off everyone involved with great aplomb. Bill Nighy also shines bright as the beleaguered father whose wit is incredibly dry but fits in perfectly with the rest of the cast. Together, along with a tight script that focuses on the discrepancies and the partnerships that can be made between different classes of people when given the chance to flourish, give the film a light, breezy ambiance that makes Emma. one of the easiest films to fall in love with during such a tumultuous year.

#4 — Fantasy Island

Lucy Hale, Austin Stowell and Michael Peña

A lot of people may think I’m crazy for including Fantasy Island in my top 10, but let’s face it — I like the campiness the film lays bare for all to see! For my money, the film is a reasonably-made horror film, despite the final twist completely negating one of the main character’s story arc. Each of the vacationers who travel to the island to explore their most desired fantasies is fun to watch and the backstories that are conveyed as they enter those fantasies coalesce nicely into all of the others, all leading to an oddly killer, if not convoluted, finale that hammers home the overall revenge fantasy that is in play over the course of the movie. Even the smaller plots seem to fit snugly into the overall framework without alienating anyone from the enjoying the film for what it is. By the time the film gets to its final callback to the original series, I was ready to return to the island for some more oddly-horrific fun.

#3 — The Invisible Man

Elisabeth Moss

Leigh Whannell has already solidified himself as an extraordinary screenwriter, and with this umpteenth adaptation of The Invisible Man, it’s clear he is on his way to becoming a prolific and inventive director if he keeps up with this type of production. What makes this version of this story better than most others is Whannell’s conscious choice to focus his attention on the plight of the title character’s victim as opposed to the character himself. By doing so, he’s allowed a lot more freedom to create some spine-chilling suspense sequences that all but refuse to rely on jump scares to get a cheap but ultimately empty thrill. When he does choose to give us the inevitable jump scare, it’s always earned. From the opening ten-minute sequence that bucks most horror movie cliches to the shocking moments sprinkled throughout, it’s clear this is not your everyday horror story.

#2 — Soul

Voice of Jaime Foxx

Pixar does it again! As with most Pixar films, judging by the previews alone, Soul looked like it might have its moments among a sea of slow moving parts; a film that would look visually astonishing and sound incredibly authentic, but somehow stray from becoming Pixar royalty. And like with most Pixar films, I was happily surprised by how poignant the film ended up being. Soul definitely leans much more adult than a lot of other Pixar films, but it has just enough for the kids to keep their attention and laugh along with the rest of us. What’s most surprising for me is how the plot unfolds, which was never wholly touched upon in the trailers. We all know that Joe (voiced by Jamie Foxx) falls down a manhole cover within the first ten minutes, kicking his soul toward heaven and starting the film along its way. What we didn’t know was the journey this character would take as he becomes a mentor to Twenty-Two (Tina Fey), a soul who has been around a very long time because she despises the idea of being human. It’s the story and the connection between these two characters that deepens the strength of the film and enhances the soul of what Pixar has always relied on the most — bringing pure characters to life through excellent storytelling.

#1 — Onward

Voices of Chris Pratt and Tom Holland

Pixar does it again! This time with a much more kid-friendly, yet no less adult road-trip movie that will make any grown man cry, especially if they have a son or a brother. The reason Onward rises above Soul on my list is because of its extremely tear-riddled finale. Over the course of the twenty-four hour journey the brothers take to find the stone necessary to complete the spell to bring their dad back for one day, the audience gets to bond alongside these characters to the point that when destiny is finally reached, we feel for each of them. And not because of what actually happens in the those final moments, but because of how the filmmakers present it to us. We are able to fully understand the meaning behind the journey and why it matters so much to everyone involved, and for that, Onward claims the top spot in what was once again, a truly weird year for movies.

Top 5 Worst

#5 — Artemis Fowl

Nonso Anozie, Lara McDonnell, Josh Gad and Ferdia Shaw

Like any director, producer, star or studio, you can’t make a hundred movies without making at least one that just does not work. And though Disney+ sent several of their theatrical films directly to streaming this year (along with a few made-for-TV films), Artemis Fowl hands down was the worst of the bunch. From its blatantly straight-forward dialogue to the inane character developments, Fowl can’t seem to get out of its own way when it comes to building a coherent lore that anyone might care a modicum about. None of the characters have any chemistry with one another and the relationship between Artemis and his fairy counterpart, Holly Short (Lara McDonnell), is arbitrarily created without any sense of real dynamics. I really wanted to like the film, but much like Josh Gad’s talent of digging holes by shoving dirt through his body from one end to the next, the film was completely full of dung.

#4 — Vanguard

Jackie Chan

I was first introduced to Jackie Chan by way of Chris Tucker in the hysterical buddy-cop comedy, Rush Hour. Even though he had a great following in China, and though many may have known him prior to that with films such as Rumble In the Bronx, I had never seen him in any film that wasn’t American made. Vanguard, thus, is my first foray into Chan’s international work — and it was not a good one. It’s not necessarily Chan’s fault. The filmmaker’s attempt to create a typical Chan film, even though Chan himself is getting up there in age to the point that it takes several edits to complete a stunt, fails on almost every level. The story didn’t help matters, which seemed so confused, I’m not even sure the writers knew where they were going with the story. The decisions by the characters are all inane and the way the filmmakers edit the film together, using the fade to black:Fade In transition way too much, just added to the level of ineptitude this film churns out.

#3 — The Photograph

LaKeith Stanfield and Issa Rae

As of this writing, I can’t remember a thing about The Photograph. Which goes to show you how little effect it had on me as a love story and a film. What I can remember is that there was absolutely no chemistry between anyone on screen. The two leads were so bland, I had a hard time swallowing anything they said or did. Beyond that, I can’t really comment, as again, the film seems to have created a black hole in my mind. Sorry, The Photograph. At least you tried.

#2 — Dolittle

Robert Downey, Jr.

I don’t know how much Robert Downey, Jr. got paid to star in Dolittle, but I hope he’s happy swimming in the cash for this incredible dud. What makes it worse is that this was Downey, Jr.’s first film post-Avengers. Though the trailers looked halfway decent, the film itself is a mess. The motivations from the characters are all convoluted to the degree that they all contradict themselves to the point you can’t even understand why anyone is doing anything besides the script telling them to do so. The voice cast gathered for the festivities is amazing, given the quality of the animals themselves. Unlike Black Beauty, these animals are all created in a computer, and it shows, from their expressions and their movements to their cartoonish appearance. It might not have been as bad had the script been worthwhile, but when your climax relies on a flatulent dragon, there’s no hiding the fact that you have nothing of value. Come on, Robert. We all know you can do better than this tripe.

#1 — Gretel and Hansel

Sophia Lillis

Hansel and Gretel get a tortured update in Gretel and Hansel, a film so dark and confusing, it’s hard to tell how it’s at all connected to the actual fairy tale from which it’s based. I may get slack from those who felt the story and the atmosphere carried the film into near-brilliant territory, but I couldn’t find much to like about this dreary mess. It’s not so much the actors’ fault as it’s everyone behind the scenes who couldn’t seem to capture the gothic essence they intended. Sophia Lillis is a great actress, as evidenced by her turn as Beverly Marsh in the remake of Stephen King’s It. She does her best with the material she’s given in Gretel, and given any other director or a better script, her performance probably would have been a highlight. Instead, her character is so weighed down by bad cinematography and a meandering script that completely haunts your senses in a negative way, that it’s hard to see anything but a dreary, lackluster performance. The narration doesn’t help, either; it just makes it that much clearer that the filmmakers didn’t know how to tell the story visually, and in the end, gave up on any semblance of subtlety.

What do you think? Did I exclude any? Did I add something that never should have made the list? Give me your top ten lists in the comments below.

Chaos Breeds Chaos 2020 Television Awards – Part 3

And now, please enjoy Part 3 of this year’s television awards. (Check out Part 1 and Part 2.)

This season’s most noticeable trend: COVID-19 Finale Alterations

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And thus concludes the 2019-2020 television season. Come back next year for more wonderful chaos in the world of television!

Chaos Breeds Chaos 2020 Television Awards – Part 2

Read on for Part 2 of this year’s Television Chaos awards. (Check out Part 1).

Cutest Creature: The Child, Star Wars: The Mandalorian

[image error]The Child (The Mandalorian)

The moment this little creature peeks out of the blanket in his little hover pod, you automatically want one of your own! If that wasn’t enough, during the next episode we get to see him walk, play, eat an entire frog whole like a duck and prove his worth with force power. The puppetry (which we later learn in Disney+’s Disney Gallery: Star Wars: The Mandalorian was performed by five separate puppeteers) was outstanding, giving the little guy the perfect amount of curiosity, emotion and carefree attitude that proved that the Mandalorian had a soft side under the hard exterior of his bounty hunter predilections. From saving his friends from a flamethrower to sipping soup while watching his new father-figure fight, the Child (who was instantly and affectionately dubbed “Baby Yoda”) became a favorite among hardcore and non-hardcore Star Wars fans alike.

Best Cameos: Tom Ellis and Ezra Miller, Crisis on Infinite Earths

[image error]Tom Ellis, Ezra Miller and Grant Gustin (Crisis on Infinite Earths)

If the extraordinary five-episode Arrowverse cross-over event wasn’t big enough, producers packed the meta-fueled arc with plenty of great cameos. But the best ones came in the form of those from completely different franchises, making them all the more special. First, and most surprising, was Ezra Miller’s big-screen Barry Allen popping in to give advice to TVs Barry Allen. It was shocking, not because it was another Flash, but because I never expected stars from the Zak Snyder-produced Justice League universe to cross-over with the television series. This alone opens up a whole new world of possibilities, should the producers feel the urge to unseal that Pandora’s box in the future. The other cameo that came out of left field but fit so nicely into the world was Tom Ellis’s Lucifer enjoying life in Hell. Presumably, this would either take place prior to his journey to L.A. to pair with Detective Decker (Lauren German) or between seasons 4 and 5, but to see his smug, arrogant mug ham it up with John Constantine (Matt Ryan) as the official Satan on Legends of Tomorrow was a true delight.

Best Fight Choreography: Ahsoka vs. Darth Maul, Star Wars: The Clone Wars

[image error]Ahsoka Tano and Darth Maul (Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

For as long as The Clone Wars has been on, the show has yet to earn any awards on this site. That ends today, as the fight sequence between Ahsoka Tano (voiced by Ashley Eckstein) and Darth Maul (Ray Park) in the anti-penultimate episode of the series was truly extraordinary. As part of the mind-blowing final four episode arc, which takes place at the same time as the events of Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, these perfectly-crafted episodes helped fill in plenty of gaps as to where Ahsoka was during the activation of Order 66 and how she escaped. All four episodes had their highlights, but none were better than the epic lightsaber duel between these two characters. I can’t say that it was the best lightsaber duel of the entire series (I still believe that Duel of the Fates, the battle between Qui-Gonn, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul in Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace holds that crown), but this is definitely a close second. Everything from its sweeping nature to the acrobatics on display to the music that accompanied it led to some of the greatest animation of the series, as well as one of the most impactful episodes. It was also great to learn that Ray Park, who embodied Maul in Phantom Menace, did motion capture for Maul in this episode as well. Kudos to Dave Filoni and the team at Lucasfilm for creating such a stellar end to a terrific chapter in the Star Wars Saga.

Most Surprising Death: Nicholas Endicott (Durmot Mulroney), Prodigal Son

[image error]Halston Sage and Durmot Mulroney (Prodigal Son)

Though seeing the Ugnaught actually get killed trying to protect the Child in The Mandalorian was a devastating, and somewhat shocking moment in the series, there was another death that surprised and shocked to a greater degree — and not because of who died, but who did the killing. In Prodigal Son‘s final episode, everything was leading up to Malcolm Bright (Tom Payne) taking the life of villainous Nicholas Endicott to complete the transformation his father (Martin Sheen) so desperately wanted. It was only a matter of how he would do it. Would it be on purpose? An accident? Would he use a gun, a knife or his bare hands? The moment was finally upon us, and then — Bright’s sister, Ainsley (Halston Sage) comes up behind Endicott and takes a knife to his throat! If that wasn’t enough, she then stabs him seven times for good measure. It was a moment that came entirely out of left field but made complete sense in the overall story. To see Bright’s reaction to her being the killer, and then watching Ainsley wake up as if she was in some sort of dream state when it happened, was a mind-blowing end to an incredibly well-done new series, opening the door to many possibilities moving forward.

Saddest Death: Christopher LaSalle (Lucas Black), NCIS: New Orleans

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Don’t forget to check out Part 3 of the 2019-2020 awards, including Worst Anthology Switch, Most Poignant Confession and the season’s most noticeable trend.

Chaos Breeds Chaos 2020 Television Awards – Part 1

Despite COVID-19 stopping nearly all production in Hollywood for months on end, the show must go on. That’s right, the Emmy’s air this Sunday as normal (well, as normal as it can be), which means it’s time again for my annual TV Awards! (See previous Awards – 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013)

Not only was there plenty of shows to choose from on network TV, new streaming platforms, including Disney+, Quibi and Peacock, made their debuts, adding more content then we could possibly view unless we spent 24/7 on our couches… which, come to think of it, isn’t out of the realm of possibility these days. So, as always, over the next two days we’ll grant awards, good and bad, to over twenty series, compiling several actors, scenes and moments that resonated with me in some form or another over the tumultuous season.

Best New Series: The Mandalorian

[image error]The Mandalorian — Disney+

Is it the hype? Is it my bias for everything Star Wars? Or is it simply because The Mandalorian was just that good? I think it may be a little of everything, but that’s why this show became the cherry on top of the 2019-2020 season. The Mandalorian had a lot riding on its shoulders, being the show that would basically make or break the launch of Disney+, and yet, Jon Favreau (together with animated Star Wars vet Dave Filoni) was up to the task, matching (maybe even exceeded) all the hype with terrific direction, an incredible score, streamlined stories that still had enough meat even if they didn’t completely move the story forward, and the most scene-stealing character this side of Boo. Better yet, it did what no other Star Wars property since Empire Strikes Back has been able to do — unite all Star Wars fans for the good by taking the essence of George Lucas’s vision and creating something entirely new and fresh. By mixing the use of old-school practical effects with new world-building computer-based technology, it gave everyone a visually-stunning piece of artwork that no one wanted to see end. At a scant twenty to thirty minutes per episode, The Mandalorian didn’t feel like it was enough to fulfill our weekly Star Wars fix, yet was exactly the amount we needed. If you haven’t guessed yet, I can’t wait for the next season.

Worst New Series: Carol’s Second Act

[image error]Carol’s Second Act — CBS

There were several shows this year that had the potential to fall into this spot, but when all was said and done, the winner for the worst show of the year has to go to Carol’s Second Act. The show, a work-place comedy set in the halls of a hospital, fell flat on its face with the first attempted joke. Nothing against the cast; alone they are perfectly fine (I’ve liked many of them in other shows). But as a group, the team had absolutely no chemistry and always felt as if they were all in a different show, each committing to a different tone depending on their own natural instincts. It was extremely difficult getting through the first episode, and even harder getting through the second. So, although it tried to do with comedy and medical shows what The Rookie was able to pull off in the the police genre, fortunately there will be no second act for Carol.

Series that shouldn’t have been this good: Nancy Drew

[image error]Part 2 of our Television Awards, which includes the Best Cameos, Most Surprising Death, and Cutest Creature of the 2019-2020 season.

Excerpt From the Novel “Year of the Songbird”

The following is an excerpt from my novel, Year of the Songbird, written in 2012 that I felt extremely relevant to what is currently happening in the world today. The story takes place several years in the future and follows a young blind girl who is lured away from her home with the promise of sight, only to learn about the horrific history of what lead to World War III. I wrote the novel based on the political climate at the time and where I thought things might go if nothing changed.

CAUTION: The following speech/account is made by a character in the novel who is meant to be a hard-core racist, bigoted SOB (one who only became this way after watching what happened to his family during the war for which he speaks). It includes language that may be inappropriate for younger readers, as well as derogatory terms and generalizations that, taken out of context with the entirety of the novel, may feel insensitive to some.

READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

“That’s what I thought. Anyway, after nine-eleven, we had a few months of united solidarity. Everyone was the same, ready and willing to fight their common enemy. It didn’t last long, though, due to certain decisions that didn’t sit well with some people. Unity crumbled faster than the oath of the president, and politicians decided it better to protect their own interests over the interests of the people they were supposed to protect. Law quickly became more of a guideline than an absolute rule, and government entitlement became accepted behavior. Accountability, integrity, work ethic—all of it went the way of the falcon because of the implication that you would have a far better life if the government granted your dreams for you. It lead to a viciously lazy and unethical society, which took more and did less. It didn’t matter that the world was near collapse, so long as people got what the government told them they deserved. Fueling it all was the endless push for extreme sensitivity to even the most wretched of figures. We couldn’t say or do anything without fear that we might offend someone. You weren’t an illegal alien; you were an undocumented immigrant. There was no such thing as a terrorist, only extremists. Hell, even murder became known as giving someone passage to their next life. Political correctness. Sick, fucking nonsense.

“Oh, and to top it all off, there was the excessive need to remove all context of God and the Christian religion from everything, yet at the same time accepting all rules and acts performed by Islam to be spiritually blessed and protected under religious tolerance. Couldn’t hurt the Muslim’s feelings, but damn if you couldn’t bully the Christians to wipe their beliefs from history. The whole debacle caused rage to boil over into all aspects of people’s lives. I mean, the friction was palpable; you couldn’t go anywhere without finding hatred in any person’s spirit.

“Little did we know it was all a smokescreen to keep us diverted from what was really going on beneath the rhetoric. The real threat was simply biding its time, waiting to attack on three separate fronts: the ’nics flooding through our borders like fleas, the niggers marking their territory like rabid dogs, and the rags inserting themselves into key positions around the globe.”

“Why label them with such names?” I said. “It only seems to encourage your hatred.”

“And add to the political correctness that led to our destruction in the first place?”

I put out my cigarette and lied down.

“These termites were completely unrelated threats that all hid under the law of sensitivity to build their armies and take us down one god damned peg at a time. How’s that possible? Because the government felt required to pander to every little need they claimed they had the right to. The majority of termites didn’t even have any rights, not under the letter of the law, but the dickless politicians felt so frightened of losing their pedestal of power, they did everything they could to blame the majority for everything just so the minority could feel better about themselves. Law-abiding citizens were raped over the coals, convicted of being racist terrorists, while at the same time, those that had broken the law to step foot in this country were given the freedom to do whatever they pleased, given handouts and dealt with kid gloves, all so that the politicians would have one extra vote come the next election.

“This went on for several decades. The ’nics flooded through our southern border because their own damn government wasn’t willing to fight the cartels that literally took over, instead blaming us for the problems they initiated and demanding equality and amnesty for their people. How do we respond? We do exactly as we’re told, giving into all of their demands and providing them rights that not even real citizens had. Eventually, California became so overwhelmed by their own indulgences and sympathies that they were forced to sell their land to those pieces of trash, which of course allowed them to begin their infiltration of other bordering states. Soon enough, the blacks figured out what the ’nics were doing and implanted their own plights into the arguments, claiming the same rights under the same sympathy. The government made sure to coddle them, taking it up the ass and blaming Christian whites for all of the mini-civil wars that broke out among the different races. They would have been better off just killing us all.

“But it was the hidden threat of the Muslims that drove the knife into our implied unity. You witnessed some of it a few days ago, praising peace and unity only to attack in violence and hatred when needed. What happened here was on a much grander scale, though. The community of Islam patiently took hold of powerful positions, slowly testing how far they could push their ability to cross that imaginary line of tolerance before they found friction. When they found resistance, they backed off a bit and waited until the time was right to push again. In the meantime, they allowed the ’nics and blacks to believe that they were leading the battle, using them in certain opportunities to step over the line without anyone paying attention. A lot of people claim that the terrorists attacked us on nine-eleven because they wanted to take down our infrastructure. Others claim the government planned the whole thing so we could go to war. I believe it was a little of both—Muslim players inside the government allowed the suicide bombers access to the country to do exactly what they needed them to do. And I’m not talking about hurting us or destroying the financial system or any of that shit. Nine-eleven, in my opinion, was all a ploy to give Muslims something to point to when they felt they were being attacked. From that day, any time a Muslim attacked us, or attempted to attack us, with anything from a shoe bomb to the anal bomb, all it did was push our liberties further into the background for the sake of a false security and to protect the sensibilities of our Muslim friends and apologize to them for what they had done to us. Which gave them power over all of us without anyone even realizing it. And they accepted that power and used it when it was most effective.

“Fights among Christians and Muslims, blacks and whites, Hispanics and Americans, all reached a boiling point at the same time. By the time the petty differences between us turned from minor fisticuffs into full-out wars, the Muslims had the world by the balls. And they bit—hard.
“Most everyone believed the bullshit of peace; until that first missile dropped on Israel. But by then, we had been so emasculated as a country and as a people, we forgot how to fight back. When the threats of annihilation hit the news and Muslims all across the globe started killing non-believers, or infidels, in the name of Allah, all we could do was sit back and screw ourselves, confused and shocked that it was even happening. They used all of the weapons at their disposal, from nuclear and biological warfare to manipulation and fear; it didn’t matter. You converted to Islam or signed your walking papers.

“If only we hadn’t been so drugged with incompetence and had listened to those that saw the whole thing coming… maybe then we might have been able to avoid our own self-inflicted annihilation.”

When I was given the opportunity of sight, I wasn’t afraid of what I would see; I was afraid of what I would feel. And what I felt was a burning need to return to the fruit of my blindness, for only in the dark was I truly able to see.

Madeline of the Ark, R.H. 28

If you would like to know more about the book, visit my website.

If you would like to purchase Year of the Songbird, click here.

Movie Mayhem – Artemis Fowl

[image error]Artemis Fowl — 2020; Directed by Kenneth Branagh; Starring Ferdia Shaw, Lara McDonnell, Josh Gad, Nonso Anozie and Colin Farrell

It’s been almost three months since my last movie review due to the coronavirus pandemic shuttering theaters back on March 17. Although there have been a handful of movies (Trolls, Scoob! and The Lovebirds) that skirted their big screen release dates to premiere as streaming service rentals over the last couple of months, the price for entry was a bit too high for my blood for these particular films.

Had Artemis Fowl followed suit, I probably wouldn’t have given it a second look either, despite the fact that I would have gone to see all of them in the theaters. Disney, however, decided the already delayed film about a young boy who learns that the world of fairies and other magical creatures he’s been studying from a young age is actually real when his father is kidnapped, was best suited to help bolster Disney+. Thanks to The Mandalorian and all the upcoming Marvel series, I’m already a subscriber to the fledgling streaming service, so this was a perfect opportunity to get back on the review train.

Based on Eoin Colfer’s novel of the same name, Artemis Fowl is a film that doesn’t know how to handle all of its potential. With the prestigious Kenneth Branagh behind the camera as director, expectations for the film to be a high-quality kid’s adventure are elevated out of the gate. Unfortunately, that initial hope is drained within the first few minutes.

Right from the start, from the distracting makeup effects that feel xeroxed from the catalogues of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings to the way the film is structured around Josh Gad’s height-challenged dwarf narrating the events of the story to some mysterious official sitting behind a bank of computer screens, there’s an aura of staleness to everything. In other words, there isn’t enough imagination throughout to raise it above every other fairy-tale we’ve seen come before it.

I don’t put all of the blame for this on Branagh’s shoulders alone. I believe the majority of what keeps Fowl from reaching the heights of its potential is the writing, which keeps the audience from investing in the adventures of this particular world.

There is absolutely no subtlety in the film. The dialogue is so straightforward and all the events and the dynamics of the characters are pointed out so precisely, it all comes off as a paint-by-numbers expositional selling tool. It makes it seem as if writers Conor McPherson and Hamish McColl feared the audience would be too dumb to understand what was happening unless they spelled everything out in every scene — sometimes multiple times.

At the same time, no matter how deep the fairy world goes, the entire script remains surface-level at best. This lack of depth keep the protagonist’s stakes from being anything but arbitrary and manufactured, all leading to a finale that is utterly anti-climactic. All put together, it waters down the film to the point that nothing really happens to anyone and the mysteries that are setup are left to linger in some sort of sequel purgatory.

A lot of this stems from the inability of McPherson and McColl to create realistic scenarios that actually make sense. More often than not, a character is given a task to accomplish that ends up being superfluous. When Judi Dench’s high magistrate fairy sends Josh Gad’s dwarf to rescue fairy Holly Short (Lara McDonnell), that task is waylaid by his penchant for treasure hunting. It then turns out that specific task never had to be completed in the first place for irrational circumstances.

This is just one of many sequences where expectations are altered or subverted for reasons that feel forced and out of character. This includes the hectic, uneven rules for both the magic and technology involved. They are both incredibly inconsistent at best as the filmmakers attempt to create some gloriously new ideas that would have been better suited in a different film.

Because of the way the film is structured, we don’t ever get a good sense of any of the relationships either. I didn’t feel any connection or weight between Artemis Jr. (Ferdia Shaw) and Artemis Sr. (Colin Farrell) and the way McPherson and McColl handle the interactions between Artemis and Holly are abrupt, inconsequential and confusing. Their entire relationship is based on a trust that neither of them earns, leading to a bond forming between them that inorganically evolves into a dry, lackluster partnership.

It doesn’t help that the main villain of the film is hardly ever seen and doesn’t really have any consequence to the film as a whole. Her existence beyond a red herring is never explained and doesn’t really fit into the overall context of the film. Other than kidnapping Artemis Sr., you could remove this underdeveloped character and everything would play out exactly the same.

A friend said they thought this was supposed to be an episodic series as opposed to a stand-alone film, and I have to say, after watching it, Artemis Fowl certainly feels like a pilot episode to a much broader adventure series (which, under that context, probably would have made the film better). As it stands, Branagh does what he can, but the weak script, chaotic story structure and uneven characters just don’t live up to what it could have been had they given a fresh life to a whole new world.

My Grade: C

Theaters are beginning to open their doors in some parts of the country, but the first major release (Russell Crowe’s new thriller, Unhinged) isn’t set for release until July 1. If that happens, and theaters in my area are open, I will be back then with that review.

Until then, if there is an older movie or television show you would like my opinion on, let me know in the comments below and I will do my best to watch and review.

Movie Mayhem – Bloodshot

[image error]Bloodshot — 2020; Directed by Dave Wilson; Starring Vin Diesel, Guy Pearce, Eiza González, Sam Heughan, and Lamorne Morris

Vin Diesel’s got the perfect vocal range for supplying voices to animated creatures like an iron giant or a massive tree, but as an on-screen personality, he just isn’t all that captivating to me. I didn’t care for the Riddick or XXX films, nor do I find much of what he does outside of fast cars worth watching. (And let’s face it, the Fast and Furious franchise didn’t get interesting until they added a Rock with a dose of logic melting, physics shattering action sequences.) Bloodshot is yet another attempt for Diesel to appear relevant. And though the film is better than most of his non-Fast adventures, it’s only because the supporting cast makes the whole intriguing premise pass muster.

Diesel plays Ray Garrison, a man who watched his wife die at the hands of a smarmy terrorist (Toby Kebbell) who then killed Ray when given the wrong answers. Luckily, a top-secret facility developed a way to bring Ray back to life with the use of millions of nano-bots that help repair his body within seconds of being inflicted with any type of wound. (How could this possibly go wrong?)

With no memory of his past, Ray starts to get used to the idea of being a super soldier, one who can break concrete with his fists and walk through a flurry of bullets without a scratch. Then a song activates his revenge boner by triggering the memory of his wife’s murder. Ray immediately goes rogue to track and eliminate his prey. The question then becomes — is any of this real?

Once this question is answered, the premise ignites a flurry of interest, not only in Ray’s character, but that of the rest of the facility developing the technology that also allows navy seals to breathe toxic fumes and soldiers who’ve lost their sight to see again. With the truth revealed, where does the moral compass sit with this crack team of scientists and super soldiers, and where do they draw the line?

The battle between morality and depravity is mostly fought between the head of the agency, Dr. Emil Harting (a perfectly tuned Guy Pearce) and KT (Eiza González), who agreed to work for Dr. Harting because he gave her the aforementioned ability to breathe after her lungs were severely damaged in combat. One only sees the power and financial benefit this technology carries, the other can’t come to terms with the depravity behind the testing. I’ll let you decide which is which.

Without Pearce and González, the movie slogs through its paces as director Dave Wilson nearly puts you to sleep with his focus on Ray. Fortunately, when the premise kicks into high gear, we’re introduced to Wilfred Wigans (Lamorne Morris), the best and most important supporting character of the film who feels more like an afterthought in most cases. Wigans is essential for keeping the plot moving forward, but at the same time isn’t given a whole lot to do aside from cracking jokes. It’s almost as if this film is simply setting his character up for a much larger role in Bloodshot 2.

Throughout the film, we’re also given a lot of mindless action, some of which is heightened enough to avoid any major cliche moments, while others are so disjointed, it’s hard to follow what’s actually happening. Like the movie itself, it’s all a mixed bag of heart-pumping intrigue and mind-numbing chaos. Adding in a couple of supercharged macho ex-soldiers with bizarre tech that’s better suited for an actual superhero franchise doesn’t help matters.

And this is really where the main problem lies. Wilson seems to want to produce three different movies all at the same time, turning what could have been a fascinating sci-fi actioner into a thought-provoking science-fiction film with a hardcore shot of a robust action-thriller all wrapped in a superhero magnetism that can’t contain the artistic flourishes Wilson tended to capture.

In the end, the film works on enough levels to keep me interested in seeing where the franchise might go in the future, but not because of Diesel or his sleepy, monotonous growl. What does holds Bloodshot together as a cohesive film is the great cast of supporting characters that overshadow our main hero simply by emitting personality. All of them, including a good-natured performance by Siddharth Dhananjay as your typical hacker-nerd, work beautifully together, especially when Diesel is nowhere to be found.

My Grade: B+

Bonus Review:

From its over-the-top gore to the extreme left versus the extreme right fighting for dominance over what they believe to be truth, justice and the American way, The Hunt is a film that isn’t afraid to offend all sides of the equation and basically give the finger to all the snowflakes who can’t take a joke. A

I Still Believe may have several aspects that are rushed or profoundly overlooked, but what strengthens its appeal is the heartbreaking love story between Christian singer Jeremy Camp (K.J. Apa) and his first wife, Melissa (Britt Robertson), which only helps to intensify the idea that all things, both loving and tragic, have meaning and you can’t let either keep you from believing. A

Due to the Coronavirus, studios have decided to shuttle their major releases to new dates for the foreseeable future, so it is unclear if anything new will be released in theaters over the next few weeks. Here’s hoping some smaller, independent films will get the chance to shine bright in movieplexes around the country, but if not, I will be watching the movie currently playing out in real time and return with new reviews once the pandemic has seen its conclusion.

While we wait, if there is an older movie or television show you would like my opinion on, let me know in the comments below and I will do my best to watch and review.