Joshua Becker's Blog, page 91

7 Pieces of Financial Advice That Forever Changed My Life

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.

One significant reason this happens is because of their example and model. As we recognize their positive aspects, we seek to emulate those characteristics in our own lives.

Another reason is because of the conversations we have and the advice we share. The more quality time we spend with people, the more nuggets of wisdom we begin to hear from them.

Over the years, I’ve been blessed to have countless positive influences in my life. Their example and their wisdom have shaped me in every way—including my financial practices. Here are seven specific ways.

The 7 Most Life-Changing Pieces of Financial Advice I’ve Ever Received

1. “Most people who overspend their income do so in one of three ways: 1) Too much house, 2) Too much car, 3) Too much entertainment.” //  Financial adviser, 2008.

I made a passing statement to a financial adviser friend of mine one particular evening over dinner. I had no data to back up the claim, it was purely an observation made on anecdotal evidence. I told him that most people I know who are living in debt seem to carry a monthly car payment. That’s when he offered the financial advice above in the form of his own personal interactions.

There are outstanding circumstances for sure (medical emergencies, tragedy, job layoffs, etc.). But generally speaking, if you have a hard time living within your income, check your spending on your home, your car, or your entertainment (dining, tickets, trips). I have tried to keep all three modest ever since.

2. “Begin your marriage living on just one income.” // Boss, 2000.

My wife and I got married in June 1999. During our first several years of marriage, we both worked full-time jobs. My boss at the time, a man I looked up to in countless ways, offered me financial advice one day during a short conversation by the coffeemaker. He suggested, even though both of us had steady incomes, as a newly-married couple we should work hard to live on just one of the incomes and save the other.

So we did. My wife’s income each pay period went immediately into savings and my income went into the checking account.

One year later, that savings account became the down payment on our first home. And four years later, when we had our first child, we were still living on one income which freed up my wife to choose to stay home if she desired.

3. “Buy your car with cash.” // Friend, 2004. 

My first car, a Chevrolet Corsica, I bought from my parents and paid them back monthly over the course of one year. When that car began to sputter eight years later, I entered the marketplace to purchase another. Talking it over with my friend one day over a roast beef sandwich, he offered me his thoughts:

“Whatever you have in savings,” he said, “make that your budget for your next vehicle—even if it isn’t much. Then, rather than making a payment to the bank on your existing car, begin making a monthly payment to yourself for your next car. Whatever you would have paid for a car payment, put into a savings account. When your next car dies, you will have a bigger budget for the next one—then, repeat the cycle. You’ll be surprised how quickly you are able to upgrade your vehicle over the course of your life.”

This is advice I have never strayed from. And it’s totally true.

4. “If you can’t keep a monthly budget, use a spending plan instead.” // Writer, 2009.

In 2009, as we were just beginning our journey into minimalism, I was introduced to the idea of a Spending Plan. Contrary to a monthly budget that requires detailed tracking and frustrates many, a spending plan provides flexibility as it offers more of a snapshot, moment-in-time glance of your current spending. But the knowledge and lessons learned from the snapshot view of income vs. expenses provides valuable insight for course correction.

The idea is worth the effort for everyone. First, determine your monthly take-home pay. Second, subtract your fixed monthly costs. The money left over is your monthly discretionary income. With that number in hand, you are in a good place to determine where you’d like that money to go. Here’s a more detailed explanation.

5. “You are never too poor to give.” // Parents, 1979.

Growing up, there was not excess money around our home. In fact, only years later did I begin to hear the stories and understand how tight it was at times. The most significant involves a local grocery store raffle contest that happened to draw my parents’ names on the very week they seemed entirely out of options to feed their young family. And yet, through it all, my parents lived with a simple philosophy on generosity: “We will give to charity, and we will teach our children to do the same.”

Their example and their advice have revolutionized my life and my view of money. No matter how tight my money situation has been over the years, I don’t think I have ever missed the opportunity to give away at least a small portion of every paycheck I have received. This is not because I made lots of money. Quite the contrary, it is because I learned from a young age that generosity has rewards of its own and is always worth the sacrifice.

6. “Never take a job just because of the money. Always consider the money, but never let it be the determining factor.” // Mentor, 1998.

In 1998, following a two-year internship after college, I began the search for my first full-time job. I remember, at that time, seeking the counsel of a spiritual mentor of mine. Sitting across from his desk, I asked about money and how much I should let that factor dictate my decision.

He responded with some of the best advice I have ever received: “Joshua, you need to consider the money. A job that pays too little or seeks to take advantage of you will ultimately add stress and worry to your life and keep you from doing your best work. So you have to consider it. But never let it be the most important, determining factor in your search. Always consider your talents and skills and strengths and the opportunity to make a difference in the world first.”

I have tried, throughout my life, to consider income in the jobs I have taken, but have never allowed it to be the most determining factor. And I have literally no regrets concerning the path that career advice has taken me.

7. “One extra monthly payment per year on your mortgage shortens the length of your loan by years.” // Real Estate Broker, 2001.

While working through the specifics of our first home purchase, our real estate agent made a passing comment concerning our mortgage payments. For her, I think it was just a simple fact about the mechanics of amortization schedules. But for me, it became a life-changing goal—make one extra monthly payment each year on my mortgage.

Over the course of the next 16 years, we’ve worked hard to add a little extra each month to our mortgage principle—even if it’s just $50. In the end, most years it’s added up to a full extra monthly payment. As a result, we’re on-track to have our mortgage fully paid well before 2031. And for that, I’m forever grateful.

I don’t always ask a specific question for the comment section. But I’d love for you to add your wisdom to this post:

What is the single most significant piece of financial advice you have ever received? And how has it improved your life?

How Our Need For Perfection May Be Literally Killing Us

Recently, I read an important article in The Washington Post. The title reveals the content: Americans Use Far More Opioids Than Anyone Else in the World.

The title describes accurately the premise of the article but the specifics tell the deeper story. Not only do Americans use more opioids than anyone else in the world, we are prescribed about six times as many of the pain-relieving drugs per capita as the citizens of Portugal and France. And almost twice as many opioids as the second highest nation on the list.

Equally alarming, Americans consume more than 99 percent of the world’s supply of hydrocodone. More than 33,000 people died of opioid overdoses in the United States last year—more than gun homicides by an almost 3 to 1 margin.

This is, indeed, a significant problem.

But what was even more fascinating to me was the author’s identification of the reasons why the statistics are the way they are.

Keith Humphreys, the author of the piece in The Washington Post, is a professor of psychiatry at Stanford University. As part of the story, he sought to understand why America would lead the world in this troubling category. It’s not, as he begins, because we are aging. Other nations have older populations than the US. There must be other economic, political, and cultural factors at play.

This is where it gets really interesting.

One significant reason he identifies for America’s addiction to pain-relieving medication is “relative to Europeans, Americans have more faith that life is perfectible (e.g., all pain can be avoided).” He explains:

Consider, for example, a 55-year-old who feels acute back and leg pain after doing the workout that was easy when he was 25. A European in this situation might reflect sadly that aging and physical decay must be accepted as part of life, but an achy American might demand that his doctor fix what he sees as an avoidable problem by prescribing him opioids.

In other words, our desire to eliminate all pain from life and experience perfection regardless of circumstance may be contributing to the level of opioid addiction and death in our nation. In this specific case, the need for perfection may be literally killing us. A sober thought.

Whether the doctor’s hypothesis is correct or not, the idea is important.

The constant need for perfection in life is a harmful way to live. (tweet)

Whether we are talking about the negative effects of pain-relieving medication or any number of other scenarios, the need for perfection often results in negative outcomes on our lives. Not only does it distract us from happiness, it routinely sends us down paths away from it.

The search for perfection in our work may send us jumping from one career to another constantly looking for that one job with no bad days. But that job does not exist—the most beautiful rose still has thorns.

The search for perfection in our relationships causes us to give up too quickly on other people. But there are no perfect people and relationships, at their core, require commitment. Without patience, grace, and faithfulness, there is no opportunity for love.

The search for perfection in our homes often results in the accumulation of unnecessary possessions. Marketers routinely promise comfort and better living in their newest offering. An unhealthy pursuit of perfection makes us more susceptible to their falsehoods. These excess possessions quickly begin to monopolize our time and energy and focus.

The search for perfection in our external image gives rise to unhealthy body image pursuits. Rather than seeing them as instruments through which we accomplish our life’s goals, we begin to see them as ornaments to impress others. Sometimes even, while we never experience perfection in our own minds, we seek to present that reality to the world around us.

The search for perfection in our actions often prevents us from trying new things or experimenting with new skills. By its very nature, the desire to commit no mistakes or ever having to admit failure keeps us from attempting new things in life. But every expert started as a beginner.

As noted in The Washington Post article above, the need for perfection may cause harmful addictions to take root in our life, resulting in ruined or destroyed lives.

But even before that most extreme consequence, the desire for perfection or the avoidance of pain can still be harmful. It causes us to lose opportunity to experience happiness in every circumstance.

Life is not perfect. It never has been and it never will be. But this can be good news. It means we can stop pursuing the mythical, perfect life. It means we can stop chasing perfect skin, the perfect job, the perfect house, or the perfect spouse. And it means we can find freedom to live victoriously even within our imperfections.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Fill your life with stories to tell, not stuff to show.

The simplicity/minimalism movement is a beautiful community. And I enjoy any opportunity to promote writing that encourages people to live more by owning less.

So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea. Find a quiet moment this weekend. And enjoy some encouraging words to inspire more simplicity in your life today.

Simplify Magazine. Simplify Magazine is a new, quarterly publication designed to help families focus on the things that matter most. I am excited to be involved with it. The first issue releases this summer, but you can sign up now to receive the first issue free.

How I Went From Being A Hoarder To A Minimalist | Mind Body Green by Eve O. Schaub. No one can clean your clutter for you. Clutter doesn’t have a place to go yet—they are objects in limbo that are the result of deferred decisions.

The Disease of More | Mark Manson by Mark Manson. Success is often the first step toward disaster. The idea of progress is often the enemy of actual progress.

How to Declutter the Toys | Simple Families by Denaye Barahona. Play with purpose.

How The Rich Are Poisoned by The Preference of Others | Medium by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. When people get rich, they lose control of their preferences, substituting constructed preferences to their own, complicating their lives unnecessarily, triggering their own misery.

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years caring for patients during the last 12 weeks of their lives, routinely asked her patients about “any regrets they had or anything they would do differently.”

Bronnie spoke of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people would gain at the end of their lives and the common themes that surfaced again and again during these conversations.

Eventually, in a book about the experience, she would distinctly identify “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.” They are:

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so much.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.

—

Funerals inspire me. They always have. There’s just something in the reminder of my mortality that compels me to make the most of each day.

I have attended several significant funerals particularly meaningful to me. I can remember the details and the stories well. No doubt, you can remember some yourself.

But perhaps the most inspirational funeral in my life is one I did not attend. It hasn’t happened yet.

Years ago, my grandfather, a pastor of 70+ years, called me into his office. I knew it well. He pastored the same church in South Dakota for 53 years and the items in his office always stayed the same: the large wooden desk, the typewriter, the bookshelves, even the drawer where he hid his candy. I stop in to visit every time I am in town.

But being specifically requested to meet him in his office on a designated day at a designated time was new. I didn’t know why he had invited me. And he wouldn’t tell me until I sat down across from him at his large wooden desk.

My grandfather started our conversation like this, “Joshua, I would like you to read at my funeral. Here is the verse I would like and this is where it will take place in the service.”

As he spoke, he slid a piece of paper across his desk. It was the order of service he had prepared for his funeral. Over our next several minutes together, he shared with me his hopes and desires for his funeral.

I suppose planning out one’s own funeral is not necessarily that rare. People do it all the time. My grandfather is in his 90’s and I am not surprised he would be thinking thoughtfully about that day—death is an inevitable occurrence for all of us.

What surprised me about the conversation was not the content or the subject. What surprised me was the confident nature by which he spoke. There was no fear in his demeanor. Death did not scare him. He did not regret, in any visible way, the coming end to his days.

And let me tell you, there are few things in life more inspirational than peering into the eyes of a man who does not fear his own death.

Years later, I still think about that conversation. Often times we hear about the regrets of the dying (as outlined in the list above) and we are warned to avoid making their mistakes.

But rarely are we offered the alternative.

Rarely are we provided with an example of a man or woman who faces death with few regrets. When we do, we are wise to follow their example and make the intentional adjustments that will prepare us to face our own mortality with courage and confidence.

As I consider the character of my grandfather’s life, I can identify numerous, reproducible actions to emulate:

1. Love well. My grandfather loves people with a rich love. He loves his kids, his extended family, his friends, even his enemies. His love for my grandmother is still so great he speaks freely of his desire to join her in death. This is not a surface love just for show, but one that includes his heart, his mind, and his soul. This is the type of love that allows us to reach the end of our lives with confidence and few regrets.

2. Hold lightly. My grandfather has always dreamed bigger dreams for his life than the offerings of this world. He has held everything this world offers with an open palm: money, possessions, fame, and prestige. He rarely pursued them out of selfish gain. They were given to him at times, but he was always quick to redirect the praise. Death always involves letting go of the world. And the sooner we learn how to do it, the sooner we prepare ourselves for that day.

3. Work hard. My grandfather is 95 years and still works 50+ hours/week. Nobody has shaped my view of work more than him. In a world that can’t wait for Friday and plans exhaustively for early retirement, my grandfather has stood steadfast in his appreciation for work and the fulfillment we receive from it. When we reach the end of our lives, we ought to be able to look back knowing we offered all our talents and energy to better the world around us—not that we foolishly wasted them.

4. Give freely. My grandfather is one of the most generous men I have ever met. Even while raising a family with four kids and struggling to make ends meet, he never turned his back on a legitimate request for assistance. From cash to food to housing, my grandfather gave and gives freely. He has given to me and he has given to strangers he will never meet again—all with joy and gratitude. Generosity in life provides opportunity to look back on our days with few regrets.

5. Make peace. My grandfather has made peace with others, peace with death, and peace with God. This is a blog read by millions of people from various faith and nonfaith backgrounds and finding peace with death means different things to different people. But my grandfather will credit making peace with God as the single most important decision he ever made in life. And believe me, nobody faces death confidently without making peace with it first.

Seneca once wrote, “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. When it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. Life is long if you know how to use it.”

May each of us be inspired today to make the most of our one life and live it with no regrets.

Helping Kids Overcome Envy

One common stumbling block for parents in the journey to simpler living is the notion that they need to protect their children from envy. They fear because their home will not be filled with all the latest and greatest products on the market, their children will become jealous of other kids.

But our role as parents is not to eliminate the opportunity for envy. Our role is to parent our kids intentionally and train them to think mindfully about envy and learn to overcome it.

A few years ago, I drove my son and five of his neighborhood friends to a restaurant to celebrate his birthday. Each of the boys lived in close proximity to one another, but they still represented a wide range of socioeconomic classes. As might be assumed, the conversations in the vehicle covered a wide range of topics, but one conversation emerging from the back seat piqued my interest a bit more than the others.

Two boys in the back seat began comparing their lives with one another. I knew, of course, this was not a rare conversation—I had similar conversations while I was growing up. But what I found particularly interesting (and prompted my eavesdropping) was the level of mutual envy surfacing.

At first, the comparison was on video gaming systems and who owned more games. Then, a discussion on what type of cars their parents drove surfaced, followed by a conversation on house size. Eventually, the comparison turned to athletics and sports teams and girls. Each time, one participant hoped to one-up the other.

The boys came from two of the wealthier families represented in the car. And yet, at times, each appeared clearly jealous of the other and the specific purchase that their parents had made.

I learned an important parenting lesson that day: You cannot outpace envy and you cannot outspend jealousy.

The game of comparison is a game that can never be won. Among those who choose to play, there are no winners—only losers. No one can have it all and no one can ever buy enough things to eliminate envy. There will always be something to be jealous about.

Instead of trying to outspend envy, we must teach our kids how to handle it and how to overcome it. It is important we help them learn how to focus on the positive, the shortsightedness of comparison, and the foolishness of jealousy. We must teach them to be generous and grateful, and to celebrate the success of others.

Envy will always hold our children hostage. As parents, we need to equip them to break free and experience a more fulfilling life.

And many of us need to learn the same lesson for ourselves.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

There’s more to life than buying stuff.

There are many wonderful people pursuing and promoting simplicity. Fortunately, some of them are gifted in communication and choose to encourage and inspire us with their words. I enjoy reading their unique perspective. I’m sure you will too.

So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea on this beautiful weekend. Find a quiet moment. And enjoy some encouraging words about finding more simplicity in your life today.

The Difference Between Decluttering and Minimalism | No Sidebar by Sarah Anne Hayes.It seems that one can declutter their home or life without becoming a minimalist, but one can rarely be a minimalist—and certainly not become one—without first going through the process of decluttering.

Why I Started a Weekly Digital Day Off | Wellness Mama by Katie. Technology isn’t bad, but our overuse of it might be. The good news is that it appears that even short breaks from technology can have a positive effect.

The 40 Bags in 40 Days Decluttering Challenge | White House Black Shudders by Ann Marie Heasley. Not too late to get started.

One Word That Makes Our Complicated Lives Suddenly Very Simple | Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford. We just never know when someone we never met is waiting on us to arrive.

The Deeper Reason Why We Can’t Remember People’s Names

I’ve never been very good at remembering people’s names. Or at least, I’ve never been as good at remembering names as I would like to be.

But I’m getting better—and I trace much of the change to a specific event that happened in my life many years ago.

Now, I know there are and and books and courses you can take to get better at remembering names. I’ve even tried a few. But for me, the lesson I needed to learn was deeper, more introspective. There was something else getting in the way.

This became clear a number of years ago while speaking at an event in Wisconsin. It was a cold, winter evening outside. But inside was warm and pleasant. When I finished speaking, as people were departing, a lovely couple came up to meet me.

We exchanged names and pleasantries. And because the environment was quiet and informal, we continued to talk for the next 10-15 minutes on a wide-range of topics. It was wonderful.

But when they walked away, it dawned on me that I had entirely forgotten their names. And by “forgotten,” I mean totally forgotten—like I don’t think I even remembered the first letter of their names, much less the entire thing.

I knew I would probably see them again the next day and I could certainly cover over the fact that I didn’t remember their names until I had chance to glance at their name tag—I’ve done it a thousand times before.

But on this particular evening, as I got into my car and drove off into the cool night, I felt a bit of sadness. I was sad that I wasn’t able to remember something as simple as the names of two people I very much enjoyed meeting.

Slowly, I began to ask myself why. Rather than trying to remember their names, I started asking why I was unable to recall them. I was sure they mentioned them. I mean, I could picture the moment where I held out my hand to shake theirs.

I remembered them stating their names, but all I could remember from our interaction … was me … stating mine.

They introduced themselves, but all I can remember was introducing myself.

And suddenly it struck me.

I entered the conversation—as I do so often—with the desire to be known rather than to know. I was trying so hard to say something impressive or witty or intelligent that I entirely missed what they were saying on the other side of the conversation.

I wanted them to know my name more than I wanted to know theirs.

I wanted to share my expertise rather than seek to learn from theirs. I wanted opportunity to tell my story more than I wanted opportunity to hear theirs. I wanted to be known more than I wanted to know.

I could not remember their name because I was too focused on them remembering mine.

I’ve run through that conversation countless times in my life over the years. These days, as much as possible, when I meet somebody new, I try hard to remember their name.

I don’t always get it right. But I have found when I enter a conversation seeking to know the other person more than being known by them, my chances of remembering their name increase significantly.

Even more, I have discovered that taking the time to truly know someone else is one of the quickest paths to being known by them.

10 Facebook Pages to Encourage Simplicity in Life

I understand the distraction that Facebook can be. Its constant stream of updates can move quickly from being helpful to the exact opposite.

However, I have found Facebook can be a valuable tool for encouraging simplicity. I have seen it be a wonderful resource for connecting and drawing inspiration from like-minded individuals who are seeking a life of minimalism and simplicity. And the encouragement can be available at a moment’s notice—whenever it is needed most.

With that in mind, if you’re looking to change your Facebook experience, here are 10 pages I follow dedicated to simplicity. Each are unique, thought-provoking, and encouraging.

10 Facebook Pages to Encourage Simplicity In Your Life

1. Becoming Minimalist. The images and posts on our Facebook page reach more than 4 million people every week. The community is active, engaged, and uplifting. If you aren’t a follower yet, I think you’ll enjoy it. Thank you to everyone who has shared it with friends.

2. Be More With Less. Inspiration from Courtney Carver and the minimalist fashion challenge Project 333. Discover what matters most. Simplicity is the way back to love.

3. Break the Twitch. Practical intentional living with Anthony Ongaro. Minimize distractions, build habits, and create opportunities to live a great life.

4. The Art of Simple. The Art of Simple is a community blog about the art and science of living simpler. Tsh Oxenreider covers a range of fascinating topics: family, travel, intentional living, hospitality. You’ll like it.

5. No Sidebar. Design a simple life and experience the happiness you deserve. Brian Gardner curates articles and images from a wide range of sources to offer daily inspiration.

6. Marc and Angel Hack Life. Two of my favorite people online, Marc and Angel Chernoff, have created a wonderful Facebook page focused on inspirational advice, productivity, health, love, work, and general self improvement.

7. The Minimalist Plate. Zoë Kim is a mom of four and writer for The Minimalist Plate and Huffington Post. She posts about the pursuit of living an intentional life by owning less, creating new habits, and cultivating opportunities to give.

8. Simplify & Pursue. Robin Shliakhau is a wife and mom striving to simplify her life so they can pursue what matters most to them. She strives to encourage others to do the same.

9. Wellness Mama. Through her website and Facebook page, Katie helps families live more naturally through real food recipes, natural beauty and cleaning tutorials, healthy remedies, and more.

10. The Life on Purpose Movement. Erica Layne has created a powerful movement for purposeful women, where she explores topics from self-care and happiness to simple living & purposeful parenting.

Why Kids Need Minimalism

Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of Simple Families.

As a child, I had the type of closet that you opened at your own risk. Because when you opened that door, only God knew what barrage of toys, clothes, and “stuff” would come barreling forth. I didn’t know it then, but as a kid–I needed minimalism.

I always said, “I am just messy, period.” Like it was some kind of personality trait: Messy. Cluttered. Overwhelmed. Anxious.

As a kid 30 years ago, I needed minimalism. But today…for my kids? Minimalism is essential.

I grew up in the time before Amazon and one-click ordering. This was the time before snack-catchers existed for children to carry around snacks and mindlessly eat around the clock. The time before kids needed iPads hanging over their carseats to survive a trip. The time before you could get virtually anything on television at a moment’s notice.

The kids of today need minimalism more than ever. 

Childhood of today is beyond messy and cluttered. It’s chaotic. Research shows us the way we are raising kids in America today causes stress and anxiety to overwhelm both children and parents alike.  As parents, we have so much going on that we have resorted to “convenience parenting” to hold it all together. If your kids won’t sit down for a meal, there’s a device for that. If your kids won’t ride quietly in the car, there’s an app for that.

As parents, we just try to survive. We struggle to hold it all together. Because it’s consuming. It’s heavy.

Raising kids today is heavier than any parent can handle.

I know this because I have two young children. They inherited my eyes and my hair. But they didn’t inherit my messy, overwhelmed traits. That is because “overwhelmed” is not a life sentence. It’s a choice–and I have made intentional choices for my kids and my family.

I have chosen to trade chaos for calm. 

Not only is calm possible, but it’s also good for our children and our families. In my uncluttered, calm grown-up life, I have a Ph.D. in Child Development. I specialize in Family Wellness. I know what a young child needs to grow, develop, and thrive. And I know a few things about what it takes to bring harmony and happiness to a family unit.

So what’s the secret? Minimalism.

Minimalism isn’t just about getting rid of all your stuff (although I have done some of that too–and it’s pretty amazing). It’s about focusing your family on what really matters in life.

Joshua defines minimalism as “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.” In raising my kids as minimalists, I am doing just that.

I am trading the status quo of American childhood by choosing a specific value set for my children:

I Choose Gratitude

I am trading an abundance of holiday gifts for gratitude. My kids don’t get much in the way of wrapped, tangible gifts. Birthdays are about celebrating life. Valentine’s Day is about love. Easter is about religion. Christmas is about family. Life, love, religion, family–those are the real gifts. Wrapped gifts can mask the importance of the real gifts.

I Choose Family

I am trading three nights per week of kid’s activities for family dinners. Kids who eat dinner with family have higher levels of academic achievement and improved psychological well-being. I am a huge fan of underscheduling. There is nothing I love more than an evening or weekend with nothing planned. Because “nothing” is not nothing. “Nothing” means more time to intimately connect with family.

I Choose Health

I am trading boxes of prepared food with animated characters for locally grown produce. Research shows that the eating habits we instill in our children from the earliest days makes a lasting impact on the years to come. I skip the Goldfish crackers and the Bunny Fruit Snacks. My kids don’t eat all day long. This means they don’t carry snacks around the house or munch in their car seats. They sit down at the table and eat real food. 

I Choose the Outdoors

I am trading screen time for outdoor play. I refuse to let my kids be sedentary. Playing outdoors offers children ample opportunity to exercise, learn respect for the environment, and appreciate natural beauty. By dialing back the screen time I can create more opportunities for active play that challenges my children’s social and motor skills. Kids (and adults) need to get up and get outside. 

I Choose Conscious Consumerism

I am trading Amazon’s one-click ordering for buying intentionally. We think before we buy. We choose to fill our home with things we love, things that are beautiful, and things that are necessary. Plastic toys from the most recent hit movie don’t make the cut. Instead we choose classic, sustainable toys that will last for years. Toys that can be used for open-ended play by children of all ages, genders, and interests. Children grow up too fast, let’s choose toys that will grow with them.

I Choose Calm

By choosing minimalism, I am trading chaos for calm. I am my children’s first teacher. I am my children’s biggest role model. It all starts with me. I am making choices for my children that will impact their childhood and entire life in the years to come.

What are you choosing for your family?

***

Denaye Barahona is a Motherhood Coach. You can find her podcast and blog at Simple Families. 

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it. It requires a conscious decision because it is a countercultural lifestyle that stands against the culture of overconsumption that surrounds us.

The world we live in is not friendly to the pursuit of minimalism. Its tendencies and relentless advertising campaigns call us to acquire more, better, faster, and newer. The journey of finding simplicity requires consistent inspiration.

For that reason, I hope you will make an effort this weekend to find a quiet moment with a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy some of these hand-picked articles to encourage more simplicity in your life.

Sorry, Nobody Wants Your Parents’ Stuff | Next Avenue by Richard Eisenberg. For the first time ever, two generations are downsizing.

How to Fail at Minimalism | Rosie Leizrowice by Rosie Leizrowice. Make these 5 mistakes and you are guaranteed to fail at minimalism.

Sex Doesn’t Sell Any More, Activism Does. And don’t the big brands know it. | The Guardian by Alex Holder. From Starbucks supporting refugees to Kenco taking on gangs, big businesses are falling over themselves to do good—and to let us know about it.

How To Actually Get Stuff Done After Work When All You Want To Do Is Watch TV | Elite Daily by Anna Johansson. If you want to be productive, you need to learn how to swap out time-wasting activities for things that actually matter.