Gary Ghislain's Blog, page 6

The Alchemy of Chemistry

Someone told me recently that she was looking for the exact male version of herself – over the top tattoos, piercings and a certain tendency to destroy people, animals and everything on her path when under the influence – she swore that she will marry this carbon copy of herself and live happy ever after.
Though, she also told me she wanted to marry a cool young rock star and then fell into a deep snore-less coma because she was heavily drunk - so you could just question her philosophy and connect it to her high blood/alcohol ratio.
But while I was trying to find sleep myself, what she said brought all sort new questions in my head. Like, are we down to that moment where we’re not heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual anymore? Are we becoming ego-sexual, looking for the exact replica of ourselves in a back bin alley? And when we find this mirror image of us, should we just kiss it and call it love? Are cool young rock star the last relevant possible partner? And also, why is she not snoring? Is she dead? And more importantly: what is the Alchemy of Chemistry?
You know this thing you hear everywhere, like “be yourself!” – is that really the way to go? What if the person you loved didn’t like at all the person you really were? Wouldn’t you like to drink a secret potion or sign a 2 years deal with the devil to become a young rock star? 
It’s really the problem with chemistry. It doesn’t work both ways, does it? It would be so easy if it did. Like, it would be just a matter of walking around and finding the cheese to your macaroni. No one will ever be sad or heartbroken. Chemistry you see: You smell  lemon, I like lemon. I smell bacon you dig bacon and it will be a perfect world. But that doesn’t work like this, does it? There’s a French expression that says that in every love story, one suffers and the other one is bored. Another version of that says that one kisses and the other one is kissed. Or if you want me to Americanize this for you: Love sucks!
"Be yourself!" Come on! It's a ridiculous idea. As if! Look at a first date in a restaurant. Look at the poor guy. He’s not being himself. He’s so confused as to what she likes, he’s so trying to tune into her desires, he keeps transforming into a dozen different people like the  X-1000 melting in liquid metal at the end of Terminator 2. 
Chemistry! Pfff!
Okay I figured out a quick formula for you because I need to end this post and return to my lab and my many contracts with the Beast.
Her love = her expectation multiplied by your number of tattoos minus your age plus the number Jagger shots she drank multiplied by strange encounter with radio nova executives divided by the distance from you to a young rock star.
Otherwise,   you can always try to be yourself and look for the perfect mirror version of you. I wouldn’t like that. I think meeting someone so different that it would appear they come from another planet is the real deal. But that’s me and I’m always – ALWAYS! -  the one not sleeping.

All you ever wanted to know about the pursuit of Happiness (but were afraid to ask)

If you ever thought life and the search for happiness was a linear quest that begins at birth and ends at death, with ups and downs, bumps and holes, treasures and falls on the way, boy, were you wrong! 
Life is a circle, a running track, and you keep running and doing laps, just changing faces and characters, but doing the same mistakes all over again, many times over.
It looks something like this: You’re single. You meet someone. Something in your head goes like “yep!” You talk. You sit in bar. You drink. You laugh. You agree on many things. You talk about your past. You listen about her past. She says something that clicks. You say something that clicks. You laugh. You walk her home. You kiss. You phone. You agree that you had many things that clicked. You meet again. You sit in a bar. You talk. She says something that clicks again. So you kiss her again. You walk her home and go up to her place. You wake up in the morning. You’re happy. You go out to get breakfast. Everything‘s strange and exciting. You start thinking that this lap could be different from all the previous ones.  Sadly, you’ve just run past the first curve. You meet her friends. They tell her they like you. You tell her you like them too even though they said things you really didn't like.  She meets your friends. They tell you they like her. She says she like them too even though they said things she really didn't like. You say something that doesn’t click. She says something that doesn't click. You fight. You forgive. You’re running past the second curve and move in together. You shop. You eat. You sleep. You still go out to get breakfast in the morning. You don’t find everything strange and exciting. She goes out. You go out. She comes back and says something horrible. You say something even worse. She yells at you. You yell at her. She forgives you. You forgive her. You kiss and run past the third curve. You come home very late. She comes home even later. You yell at her. She yells at you. You don’t forgive her. She doesn’t forgive you. You sleep. You fight. You wonder. You can’t remember that thing that went like “yep!” in your head. She says a lot of things that don’t click anymore, many times, everyday. You say a lot of things that don’t click anymore, many times, everyday. You don’t kiss. You don’t forgive. You shop. You eat. You sleep. You work.  You pass the final curve and get into your final sprint. You go home. Something inside your head goes like, “nah!” You break-up. You meet your friends. You’re alone. You work. You’re alone. You shop. You’re alone. You eat. You’re alone. You sleep. You’re alone. You suffer. You drink too much one night. You text her and then you phone her. You fight over the phone. She tells you she hates you. You hang up! You hate her too! Wait? You’re about to cross the finish line and go for another round. Maybe you stop to breathe, drink some water, rest your legs, but soon enough, you're off again, on a slow trot at first. You meet your friends. You laugh again. You feel better. You follow them into a new bar. Damn, you’re single. But you don't feel alone anymore. You turn around, you see someone and something in your head goes like “yep!”
The interesting thing, though, is that while you keep running in circle, you get brief chances at making minimal changes to the experience. And maybe one glorious day, you could run that perfect lap. 
At least I hope so.

Wild(e) Love Life

For those of you who still think romanticism and the poetical living is about fluff, doves and daisies, and a weakness of the heart, here is an update: 
Gerard de Nerval: he committed suicide during the night of January 26, 1855, hanging himself from a sewer grating in a narrow street named Rue de la Vieille-Lanterne. He left a brief note to his aunt: "Do not wait up for me this evening, for the night will be black and white."
Charles Baudelaire: He smoked opium, and in Brussels he began to drink to excess. Baudelaire suffered a massive stroke in 1866 and paralysis followed. After more than a year of aphasia, he received the last rites of the Catholic Church. The last two years of his life were spent, in a semi-paralyzed state, in "maisons de santé" in Brussels and in Paris, where he died on August 31, 1867.
Edgar Allan Poe: On October 3, 1849, Poe was found on the streets of Baltimore delirious, "in great distress, and... in need of immediate assistance", according to the man who found him, Joseph W. Walker. He was taken to the Washington Medical College, where he died on Sunday, October 7, 1849, at 5:00 in the morning. Poe was never coherent long enough to explain how he came to be in his dire condition, and, oddly, was wearing clothes that were not his own. Poe is said to have repeatedly called out the name "Reynolds" on the night before his death, though it is unclear to whom he was referring. Some sources say Poe's final words were "Lord help my poor soul."
Alfred Jarry:  he had discovered the pleasures of alcohol, which he called "my sacred herb" or, when referring to absinthe, the "green goddess". A story is told that he once painted his face green and rode through town on his bicycle in its honour (and possibly under its influence). He lived in his 'pataphysical world' until his death in Paris on 1 November 1907 of tuberculosis, aggravated by drug and alcohol use. It is recorded that his last request was for a toothpick.
Arthur Rimbaud: Rimbaud and Verlaine led a wild, vagabond-like life spiced by absinthe and hashish. The Parisian literary coterie was scandalized by Rimbaud, whose behaviour was that of the archetypal enfant terrible, yet throughout this period he continued to write striking, visionary verse. Their stormy relationship eventually brought them to London in September 1872, a period over which Rimbaud would later express regret. During this time, Verlaine abandoned his wife and infant son (both of whom he had abused in his alcoholic rages). In England they lived in considerable poverty in Bloomsbury and in Camden Town, scraping a living mostly from teaching, plus an allowance from Verlaine's mother. Rimbaud spent his days in the Reading Room of the British Museum where "heating, lighting, pens and ink were free". The relationship between the two poets grew increasingly bitter.
And my favorite:
Oscar Wilde: "This poverty really breaks one's heart: it is so sale, so utterly depressing, so hopeless. Pray do what you can" he wrote to his publisher. He corrected and published An Ideal Husband and The Importance of Being Earnest, the proofs of which Ellmann argues show a man "very much in command of himself and of the play" but he refused to write anything else "I can write, but have lost the joy of writing". He spent much time wandering the Boulevards alone, and spent what little money he had on alcohol. A series of embarrassing encounters with English visitors, or Frenchmen he had known in better days, further damaged his spirit. Soon Wilde was sufficiently confined to his hotel to remark, on one of his final trips outside, "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One of us has got to go." On 12 October 1900 he sent a telegram to Ross: "Terribly weak. Please come." His moods fluctuated; Max Beerbohm relates how their mutual friend Reginald 'Reggie' Turner had found Wilde very depressed after a nightmare. "I dreamt that I had died, and was supping with the dead!" "I am sure", Turner replied, "that you must have been the life and soul of the party." Turner was one of the very few of the old circle who remained with Wilde right to the end, and was at his bedside when he died.
Kiss kiss – Good night!

Free Fun Book

This book is free on these days only – 09/02/2013 at midnight PST until 11:59 pm on 09/06/2013.

Destiny means everyone is here on earth for a good reason. Elise’s reason was Johan Devreau, the most popular boy in her high school. That was until new strange tenants moved in the penthouse of her building and turned her into one of them: an undead.
Running after Johan becomes an entirely different sport, and exclusively a night time activity. But if Johan is finally warming up to a girl who can fly or materialize in his room whenever she feels like it, their love is forbidden by Vincent, the master vampire who turned her.
To live happily ever after, they need to destroy him and his spell on her. They enroll an aging YA writer newly specialized in vampire series, and their improbable team go vampire hunting, with the unrealistic hope to make it alive from dusk to dawn.

Targeted Age Group: Teen, Young Adult

Book Excerpt

“I can’t let you spend the night in here all by yourself,” he says, sliding away from the stairs, and somehow he’s near me in no time. “You’ll sleep at my place. I’m sure you’ll find it more comfortable.”
There’s a long silence while he stares at me and I’m trying to find a way to tell him politely that he scares the shit out of me and that would rather eat my own eyes than follow him anywhere.
“I’m fine, really,” I say. “I think… I need to spend the night here. It’s what Father Francois would have wanted.”
“How would you know what Father Francois would have wanted? You didn’t know him at all, did you?”
“Eva,” I say and let her name hang there in the silence for a while.
“What about her?”
“She’s picking me up early in the morning. I have to be here when she comes.”
“I’ll phone her and tell her not to worry about you.”
“I just want to sleep here. If that’s okay with you.”
“Let’s not be weird about this,” he’s so close now, I have to step back just to keep breathing. “I have a very large home, plenty of guest rooms. You don’t have to sleep here with a dead body upstairs.”
I take the dead body over that guy any day of the week.
“Eva told me to stay here,” I lie.
“Don’t be silly.” He was in front of me and now he’s behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I freeze like a done prey. “Just come with me, Gary. I promise it will be fun.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m going to stay here,” I say, my voice sounding terribly weak.
I feel his grip tightening on my shoulder, his nails biting through my t-shirt, and then, “fine,” he says, sliding away from me. “Hope I’ll see you again before you leave.”
“I’m leaving first thing in the morning.”
He opens the door. Or did the door open for him? The rain’s beating down on the porch. He doesn’t seem to care. He gives me an amused grin again, over his shoulder, the one he had when he was leaning over me silently in the library. “I believe we’ll meet again,” he says and slides out into the night, the door magically closing behind him.
I stand for a while in the middle of the lobby and then, my legs give up and I sit down on the floor with the grace of overcooked spaghettis.
It’s going to sound like hysteria again: But… THIS GUY WAS FREAKING DRACULA!
  Link To Kindle eBook On Amazon

Back to School with an Alien

Great New Everyone

HOW I STOLE JOHNNY DEPP'S ALIEN GIRLFRIEND has been selected by Amazon editors for their Kindle Back to School Kids and Teens promotion. From today through August 25th, buy it on Amazon for only $1.99 (in the U.S. only). Enjoy!

My Stepmom is a Vampire Parasite from Outer Space

 “You’re going to have to open up your mind before I tell you a few things about Jackie,” he says, squeezing on the bench opposite me, his stomach and Hawaiian shirt rubbing against the table. I open my bottle with my back teeth. He smiles at the trick, so I snatch his and open it in the same fashion.
“I’m pretty opened minded,” I say, giving him his ginger ale.
“Sure,” he nods, like he gets me, and says, “Your step mum is Jack the Ripper.”
I’m quite silent for a while. Even the flies got so surprised, they stopped buzzing.
“Maybe I’m not that opened minded,” I admit.
“There’s more.”
“Like what? She’s also the Loch Ness monster and the Hound of the Baskerville?”
“She comes from Outer space.”
Someone is supposed to laugh here somewhere. But he doesn’t. He just stares at me blankly like it was all obvious in his head, like the prize of milk.

Alien slugs, Jack the Ripper Mystery solved, and my father being eaten alive, free on amazon until Wednesday!

Free Fear and Fun (3F)

  I know. You’ve been looking for that one novel that will LOL your pants off and sort of scare you too. Search no further. Twilight of the True Blood Vampire Diarieswill be free to download every Friday from June 7th to 28th. I will also make it free to download on Saturday June, 1st, just, you know, because I can. Just click hereand grab it for free. If you’re a vampire novel fan or if you just hate them dead suckers, that’s the perfect novel for you, since it deals with the dying obsession of YA writers for the undead. If you grab it, don’t forget to come back here and let me know what you thought of it. Peace.    

Amazing Giveaway on Amazon!

Good News Everyone! To kick-start this thing, Twilight of the True Blood Vampire Diaries is free to download on amazon.com for a very limited time (from Friday, March 08th to Sunday 10th). 


 
Don't forget to leave a comment if you read it and liked it !
Gary

Twilight of the True Blood Vampire Diaries

New hilarious, crazy, zany book out: Twilight of the True Blood Vampire Diaries... It's about, well, you know what!

From the back cover:
"Destiny means everyone is here on earth for a good reason.  Elise’s reason was Johan Devreau, the most popular boy in her high school.  That was until new strange tenants moved in the penthouse of her building and turned her into one of them: an undead.
Running after Johan becomes an entirely different sport, and exclusively a night time activity. But if Johan is finally warming up to a girl who can fly or materialize in his room whenever she feels like it, their love is forbidden by Vincent, the master vampire who turned her.
To live happily ever after, they need to destroy him and his spell on her. They enroll an aging YA writer newly specialized in vampire series, and their improbable team go vampire hunting, with the unrealistic hope to make it alive from dusk to dawn."
Otherwise known as 355 pages of fun ;)  - out Monday March 5th, 2013

Winning

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Congratulations to Amanda from South Carolina, and Pedro from Portugal for winning a signed hardcover copy of How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend + Halloween French goodies. You were 2215 entering the giveaway to win and two lucky goodreads users to go Bingo!