Lenore Wolfe's Blog, page 4

Overcoming Crisis

Seven years ago, I was in crisis. I had just left my eleven-year relationship. I felt like my world had ended, and to make matters worse, I had allowed myself to be severely abused in the relationship in every way, physically, emotionally, mentally. I hadn't left myself any reserves to overcome such a crisis.

I slid downhill at a dangerous speed, going from panic attack to panic attack. I had always imagined that losing your mind would send you into oblivion. A few times, I had even welcomed that oblivion. But this wasn't oblivion. This was terror. This was the most horrible nightmare imaginable.

I didn't want to die, but I couldn't imagine living this way. In the middle of my horror, I would unravel, feel amazingly terrified of coming apart and reach like a drowning victim for anything that looked like a lifeline.

I had never liked drugs, and I'd made the mistake of self-medicating with alcohol once before in my life. I knew that it would only make matters worse. So, I reached for anything but drinking to help me feel better. The doctors gave me Xanex, but even a sliver of one made me feel strange. So I did the one thing I had learned in my Shamanic studies instead. I headed for the river, often several times a day.

I did so every single time it got too much to handle. I would sit on the rocks by the river and stare at the world around me. I couldn't imagine how grief could turn everything around me technicolored. It was like all the color had been sucked from my world. I would pick a rock, and I would let all the terror and horror that had happened flow from me into that stone. And when I didn't have a drop left inside me, I would let the river have my grief. Every day, I did that. Over and over again, I did that. Until, slowly, ever so slowly, the pain became just a little less. It would be a long, long time before I would begin to feel right--but it was a beginning.

Where do you go from here?

You might be asking, where do you go from here? How do you get better, when all you want to do is crash and burn.

When my world fell apart, I spent nearly every minute of every day keeping myself from driving my car off the cliff, into embankment that met the Mississippi river. When people asked me what it would take to make myself feel alive again, I contemplated trying to swim from one bank of the Mississippi to the other, to force myself to fight for my life. Taking my life was not the legacy I was about to leave my children, and it wasn’t that I truly wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. So, I threw myself into writing to survive. I had already written a historical romance, and while I revealed a pale version of something inside me, buried within that fictional story, I wanted to write something paranormal so I could reveal even more.
Stephen King said that fiction is the truth within the lie, and I began to put those hidden kernels into stories that were otherwise completely fantasy, but I didn’t stop to do much in the way of marketing. Oh, I tried. I went on Facebook and Twitter. I went on Goodreads and other places like Goodreads.
Eventually, I burned out, disappearing from online, but kept writing. I would write, put them up, and write some more. It's how I survived. My health suffered severely from the state I was in, and I ended up in front of doctor after doctor. I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos and Barrters Syndrome, both things that are genetic, and I was born with, but now these things that had always given me symptoms went into full swing. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and suffered body aches that constantly made me feel like I'd been beaten, but also made me feel like I always had influenza. I was diagnosed with POTs where my blood pressure fell below 70 while my heart rate skyrocketed, which explained why I always felt lightheaded and wanted to pass out. My heart was always irritable and threw PVC's, but now often felt like it would completely stop and start again from the complete lack of electrolytes I was losing, and I landed in the ER with bigeminy heart rhythms. I had less that one mg of Magnesium in my blood, and the ER doctor told me I likely had less than that in my cells. I was put on potassium-sparing diuretics and potassium packets. I was put on high doses of magnesium, and while I improved, there was still something missing. Recently, I was put on a medication for the POTS and it was like the lights came back on. And while I still have constant flare-ups with the pain, and I still want to pass out when I stand up, my head actually feels normal.

I never thought I would feel this way again.

It’s been a long time, but slowly I've recovered myself, first mentally and emotionally, and now physically. I've healed the devastation that drove me over the edge in the first place, and I will share that story over time, and while I may not be healthy, I feel like I stand a decent chance, where I can now live with my physical symptoms, instead of just survive them. I’ve been doing more than writing to survive myself. I am marketing again. And while I have a lot to overcome with my books, with the mistakes I've made with them, I'm in a place where I can actually enjoy the journey, mistakes and all.
I will share my journey with you, and that’s what my first non-fiction book is about, Reclaiming Your Sacred Woman. I hope you will join me as I figure out how to share my story, and not just bury pieces of my thoughts and beliefs in my fictional stories. Don’t get me wrong, I love my stories, and feel this amazing elation when others share my joy, and I love them even when others don’t. I look forward to meeting any who would like to join me, and I can’t wait to find out what happens next, as I figure out where I’m going from here. I look forward to getting to know you all, and I hope those I built friendships with before I disappeared, will forgive me. I tried many times to come back on here and do the work I wanted to do, but I just couldn't at that time. Now, I can:)


Thank you, friends.

How I got here....

Seven years ago, my world fell apart, and I spent nearly every minute of every day keeping myself from driving my car off the cliff, into embankment that met the Mississippi river. When people asked me what it would take to make myself feel alive again, I contemplated trying to swim from one bank of the Mississippi to the other, to force myself to fight for my life. Taking my life was not the legacy I was about to leave my children, and it wasn’t that I truly wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. So, I threw myself into writing to survive. I had already written a historical romance, and while I revealed a pale version of something inside me, buried within that fictional story, I wanted to write something paranormal, so I could reveal even more.
Stephen King said that fiction is the truth within the lie, and I began to put those hidden kernels into stories that were otherwise completely fantasy, but I didn’t stop to do much in the way of marketing. Oh, I tried. I went on Facebook and Twitter. I went on Goodreads and other places like Goodreads.
Eventually, I burned out, disappearing from online, but kept writing. I would write, put them up, and write some more. It's how I survived. My health suffered severely from the state I was in, and I ended up in front of doctor after doctor. I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos and Barrters Syndrome, both things that are genetic, and I was born with, but now these things that had always given me symptoms went into full swing. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and suffered body aches that constantly made me feel like I'd been beaten, but also made me feel like I always had influenza. I was diagnosed with POTs where my blood pressure fell below 70 while my heart rate skyrocketed, which explained why I always felt lightheaded and wanted to pass out. My heart was always irritable and threw PVC's, but now often felt like it would completely stop and start again from the complete lack of electrolytes I was losing, and I landed in the ER with bigeminy heart rhythms. I had less that one mg of Magnesium in my blood, and the ER doctor told me I likely had less than that in my cells. I was put on potassium-sparing diuretics and potassium packets. I was put on high doses of magnesium, and while I improved, there was still something missing. Recently, I was put on a medication for the POTS and it was like the lights came back on. And while I still have constant flare-ups with the pain, and I still want to pass out when I stand up, my head actually feels normal.

I never thought I would feel this way again.

It’s been a long time, but slowly I've recovered myself, first mentally and emotionally, and now physically. I've healed the devastation that drove me over the edge in the first place, and I will share that story over time, and while I may not be healthy, I feel like I stand a decent chance, where I can now live with my physical symptoms, instead of just survive them. I’ve been doing more than writing to survive myself. I am marketing again. And while I have a lot to overcome with my books, with the mistakes I've made with them, I'm in a place where I can actually enjoy the journey, mistakes and all.
I will share my journey with you, and that’s what my first non-fiction book is about, Reclaiming Your Sacred Woman. I hope you will join me as I figure out how to share my story, and not just bury pieces of my thoughts and beliefs in my fictional stories. Don’t get me wrong, I love my stories, and feel this amazing elation when others share my joy, and I love them even when others don’t. I look forward to meeting any who would like to join me, and I can’t wait to find out what happens next, as I figure out where I’m going from here. I look forward to getting to know you all, and I hope those I built friendships with before I disappeared, will forgive me. I tried many times to come back on here and do the work I wanted to do, but I just couldn't at that time. Now, I can:)


Thank you, friends.

Seven years ago, my world fell apart, and I spent nearly ...

Seven years ago, my world fell apart, and I spent nearly every minute of every day keeping myself from driving my car off the cliff, into embankment that met the Mississippi river. When people asked me what it would take to make myself feel alive again, I contemplated trying to swim from one bank of the Mississippi to the other, to force myself to fight for my life. Taking my life was not the legacy I was about to leave my children, and it wasn’t that I truly wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. So, I threw myself into writing to survive. I had already written a historical romance, and while I revealed a pale version of something inside me, buried within that fictional story, I wanted to write something paranormal, so I could reveal even more.
Stephen King said that fiction is the truth within the lie, and I began to put those hidden kernels into stories that were otherwise completely fantasy, but I didn’t stop to do much in the way of marketing. Oh, I tried. I went on Facebook and Twitter. I went on Goodreads and other places like Goodreads.
Eventually, I burned out, disappearing from online, but kept writing. I would write, put them up, and write some more. It's how I survived. My health suffered severely from the state I was in, and I ended up in front of doctor after doctor. I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos and Barrters Syndrome, both things that are genetic, and I was born with, but now these things that had always given me symptoms went into full swing. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and suffered body aches that constantly made me feel like I'd been beaten, but also made me feel like I always had influenza. I was diagnosed with POTs where my blood pressure fell below 70 while my heart rate skyrocketed, which explained why I always felt lightheaded and wanted to pass out. My heart was always irritable and threw PVC's, but now often felt like it would completely stop and start again from the complete lack of electrolytes I was losing, and I landed in the ER with bigeminy heart rhythms. I had less that one mg of Magnesium in my blood, and the ER doctor told me I likely had less than that in my cells. I was put on potassium-sparing diuretics and potassium packets. I was put on high doses of magnesium, and while I improved, there was still something missing. Recently, I was put on a medication for the POTS and it was like the lights came back on. And while I still have constant flare-ups with the pain, and I still want to pass out when I stand up, my head actually feels normal.

I never thought I would feel this way again.

It’s been a long time, but slowly I've recovered myself, first mentally and emotionally, and now physically. I've healed the devastation that drove me over the edge in the first place, and I will share that story over time, and while I may not be healthy, I feel like I stand a decent chance, where I can now live with my physical symptoms, instead of just survive them. I’ve been doing more than writing to survive myself. I am marketing again. And while I have a lot to overcome with my books, with the mistakes I've made with them, I'm in a place where I can actually enjoy the journey, mistakes and all.
I will share my journey with you, and that’s what my first non-fiction book is about, Reclaiming Your Sacred Woman. I hope you will join me as I figure out how to share my story, and not just bury pieces of my thoughts and beliefs in my fictional stories. Don’t get me wrong, I love my stories, and feel this amazing elation when others share my joy, and I love them even when others don’t. I look forward to meeting any who would like to join me, and I can’t wait to find out what happens next, as I figure out where I’m going from here. I look forward to getting to know you all, and I hope those I built friendships with before I disappeared, will forgive me. I tried many times to come back on here and do the work I wanted to do, but I just couldn't at that time. Now, I can:)


Thank you, friends.

I release my books for only .99 cents the first two weeks...

I release my books for only .99 cents the first two weeks. Subscribe to receive updates on these new releases and giveaways during each book launch. Also, do you love receiving Advanced Review Copies (ARC's)? I am looking for over 100 readers to receive ARC's for 2017 of Witch Fantasy and Witchy Cozy Mysteries. If this is you, please sign up on my website Author Lenore Wolfe and click CONTACT from the drop-down menu so that I can contact you. In your email, let me know which lists you would like to be added. Be sure to subscribe to my email list to the right to be kept up-to-date. I am also putting together a street team who will help me tweet and get the word out on launch days. I will be giving away lots of swag for your help:) Lastly, I am looking for good Beta Readers. These readers will receive rough drafts for your feedback and will receive free copies of my other books of your choice. So if you would enjoy being part of any of these, please let me know. Thank you so much! I look forward to hearing from you.



 

ARC's for 2017

Do you love receiving Advanced Review Copies (ARC's)? I am looking for over 100 readers to receive ARC's for 2017 of Witch Fantasy and Witchy Cozy Mysteries. If this is you, please sign up in the comments below, or better yet, email me at the contact above so you can give me an email address so I can contact you. In the contact, let me know which lists you would like to be added. Be sure to subscribe to my email list to the right to be kept up-to-date. I am also putting together a street team who will help me tweet and get the word out on launch days. I will be giving away lots of swag for your help:) Lastly, I am looking for good Beta Readers. These readers will receive rough drafts for your feedback and will receive free copies of my other books of your choice. So if you would enjoy being part of any of these, please let me know. Thank you so much! I look forward to hearing from you.

Faerie in Ravenwood Book Launch!

Thanks for being a loyal subscriber. I am launching Daughters of the Circle, Faerie in Ravenwood and appreciate all the sharing my subscribers have done for this launch. Please feel free to tweet or Facebook this book launch on your favorite social media and/or share this email with any of your friends you feel would enjoy this series. Plus,
send me a screenshot of your share and I will send you this book for free on release day!
Thank you so much! And happy reading!Sincerely, Lenore Wolfe

To be released January 17th!

Snippet from Daughters of the Circle, book one, Shadows in Ravenwood

Clarie ran out onto the front lawnShe knew the Gargoyle statue wouldn’t be there—but still. She stared at the empty spot where it normally stood. It was still gone. She turned around, staring at the things around her like that would make a difference. But the gargoyle statue remained gone.So, now, that made it official. Their grandmother had been right. The Gargoyle statue had shape-shifted.She’d known her Grams was right, but it’s hard enough to imagine a real shape-shifter, she sniffed, more-or-less one who could shift back and forth from stone.Even knowing magick, she still couldn’t get use the differences in what people considered to be real—and what she’d come to know as real.How was all this possible? How could people live their lives oblivious to everything around them?It’s true, Claire thought. All things were possible with magick. She’d always known that. She’d seen enough of the little things happening around her—to know. She’d seen, first hand, what her grandmother could do. She’d heard her say exactly that often enough. Hadn’t she learned what magick could do as a teen, when she’d studied with Grams?Still, she could hardly believe magick could go this far—that magick could account for this. She believed in magick—she did—but this seemed beyond the realm of possibilities. She knew her Grams hadn’t lied—what her Grams said in the attic was real. She realized now, she got through to her. She just didn’t want to think about it, when her grandmother spoke of the Gargoyle, because it made her head hurt.Like she’d deliberately not made the connection between the winged man—and that stone beast in the yard. Could he take that form too, in life? Like the one in the stone?People often did that, didn’t they? When they saw something, they couldn’t explain away. They’d block it out, or make up an excuse for it, in their mind. Didn’t they do that, so they didn’t have to look too close? So, they didn’t have to acknowledge the world around them—often had more to it than met the eye.Claire felt Morgan come up beside her. She eyed her sister, who stared at the empty place where the gargoyle statue once stood.“I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me someone has stolen the statue….” Morgan said.Claire shook her head, watching her sister’s face.Morgan’s brows shot up, and her lips pressed together for a long breath of a moment. “Ummm. And I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me you had it moved,” she said.Claire smiled and reached out to take her sister’s hands. “Nope.” She gazed up at her. “Besides, do you think I could have moved it, without a freaking crane…?” She grinned.Morgan didn’t smile. In fact, she was quite serious. “So—now you want me to believe it moved on its own.”It hadn’t been a question, and Claire couldn’t help but to chuckle at the teasing sarcasm in her sister’s voice, even if she hadn’t intended it.Claire saw dawning realization come over her sister’s face.“This is what Grams had meant by the Gargoyle shape-shifter,” Morgan said.Claire nodded. What more could she say? She couldn’t add anything, other than what she’d witnessed thus-far. Morgan saw that too—and nothing prepared Morgan for such a thing.Morgan shoved her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “And this is who keeps coming to our rescue?” Morgan said.Claire bit her lip. “Apparently,” Claire agreed.Morgan released Claire’s hands, took a step towards the empty square spot, where no grass grew—hadn’t for more than a hundred year.“On top of all the other stuff—we now have magickal creatures haunting us,” Morgan said.Claire gave a laugh that sounded on the edge of nervous—even to her. “Well—if it makes you feel better—we know he’s not haunting us,” she said.Morgan eyed her, a questioning glint shown in her dark green eyes.“He’s what Grams said—is a guardian.” She glanced up at Morgan. “A Gargoyle, here, protecting us, chasing that shadow away from us.”She watched Morgan. She knew that knowing that didn’t make them any less afraid of him.Morgan sighed. “I guess I always kind of knew that. Like it explained why he never truly felt threatening—even when we were kids,” she said. “The shadow—the warlock—must have been the evil who scared us so bad. We just took it for granted it was the winged man.”Alex came up beside Morgan. “Like I told Morgan before, he seemed upset that he’d frightened us the way he did that day.”Claire’s gaze, which had been on her sister, now jerked over to him. “What do you mean?” Alex put an arm around Morgan and pulled her close to him. “I mean I remember feeling his emotions—his sorrow at having frightened us he way he did.” He stood watching Claire for a long moment, but she could see his thoughts had turned inward—to that day long ago when they’d been children. “When I crawled into bed that night, I remember feeling awful—terrified for Morgan—and you. And bad for him.”“Because of what you’d felt from him—that he hadn’t meant to alarm us?” Morgan said, leaning back so she could look up at him.He nodded.“And what do you feel from him now?” Claire asked.“Sorrow,” Alex said. “I think he feels we’ve misunderstood who he is. I think he meant to show us something—but we only saw a beast.”“Like Beauty and the Beast,” Claire teased.Alex made a face at her. He clearly didn’t like being compared to that. “I’m sorry,” Claire said laughing.Alex scoffed at her apology, saying, “You sound sorry.”Claire grinned at him, as Morgan smiled and spun around in his embrace to hug him, and soothe his ruffled feathers.Still chuckling, Claire left them alone, so she could go head back to their guests to tell them goodnight—and so Morgan could work her own magick.

On Amazon for only .99 Cents right now!

  On Amazon for only .99 Cents right now!

On Amazon for only .99 Cents right now!

  On Amazon for only .99 Cents right now!