Shelli Armstrong's Blog, page 5
August 20, 2014
Picky Eater
So... I'm not really a *picky* eater. (Some call me a food snob, but not picky.) But every time Matti suggests something to eat, I find myself saying, "Ew. I don't like that!"
Honorable mentions are the following: pizza (most the time), eggs--especially hard boiled, grapefruit, celery, beets, maple bars--maple flavoring actually, chicken Parmesan, vanilla bean ice cream, bananas that do not have green on them, and...the list continues to grow.
McDonald's is at the top of the list of terrible places to eat. I mean, I don't even consider that food anymore.
Weird. I really thought I ate just about everything. I mean, I've eaten pig skin tacos, and bone marrow, and I genuinely like Brussel sprouts and other weird delectables.
Honorable mentions are the following: pizza (most the time), eggs--especially hard boiled, grapefruit, celery, beets, maple bars--maple flavoring actually, chicken Parmesan, vanilla bean ice cream, bananas that do not have green on them, and...the list continues to grow.
McDonald's is at the top of the list of terrible places to eat. I mean, I don't even consider that food anymore.
Weird. I really thought I ate just about everything. I mean, I've eaten pig skin tacos, and bone marrow, and I genuinely like Brussel sprouts and other weird delectables.
July 28, 2014
Sleeping
Since I was asleep for these conversations, I can't very well attest to the accuracy of the retelling.
These past weeks my mom, and then my two sisters and niece visited Utah. (Let's not discuss how a new job and moving took all the fun of their visit and turned it into a few stolen hours together, since it makes me a little sad.)
Between sleeping at my house, my friend Meghan's house, my grandparents', and my uncle's house, we've all been sleeping in pairs in different beds. For the record, Kiki's body temperature runs at approximately 112 degrees. She is a furnace.
Since I sleep alone, I have no one to tell me of the weird things that happen at night. Do I have crazy stressful dreams that make me flail and kick? I don't think so . . .? But I can't ever be sure. (Evidence suggests that this is not likely the case.) I do know that I dream vividly. Which might account for me sitting up one night in a panic and saying, "Mom! There's a bug!"
She asked, "Did you see it?"
"No."
"Did you feel it?"
"No."
"Then go back to sleep!" My mom was not about to search for a bug in the middle of the night if there was no evidence that said bug existed.
"Ok. Maybe I just saw it under my eyelid."
Apparently I was very convincing as having been entirely awake during this episode, since my mother only casually mentioned it the next day, as if I had any idea as to what she was talking about.
I didn't.
I'm still not 100% convinced that it happened. But she claims that it did, and it was pretty funny.
Apparently, I woke Mackenzie up one night, insisting that she move over because she was a "little furnace". At least I was nice about it? I still remember a time when Amy decided to wake me up because I had crossed the line into her territory with a firmly placed foot in the center of my back!
These past weeks my mom, and then my two sisters and niece visited Utah. (Let's not discuss how a new job and moving took all the fun of their visit and turned it into a few stolen hours together, since it makes me a little sad.)
Between sleeping at my house, my friend Meghan's house, my grandparents', and my uncle's house, we've all been sleeping in pairs in different beds. For the record, Kiki's body temperature runs at approximately 112 degrees. She is a furnace.
Since I sleep alone, I have no one to tell me of the weird things that happen at night. Do I have crazy stressful dreams that make me flail and kick? I don't think so . . .? But I can't ever be sure. (Evidence suggests that this is not likely the case.) I do know that I dream vividly. Which might account for me sitting up one night in a panic and saying, "Mom! There's a bug!"
She asked, "Did you see it?"
"No."
"Did you feel it?"
"No."
"Then go back to sleep!" My mom was not about to search for a bug in the middle of the night if there was no evidence that said bug existed.
"Ok. Maybe I just saw it under my eyelid."
Apparently I was very convincing as having been entirely awake during this episode, since my mother only casually mentioned it the next day, as if I had any idea as to what she was talking about.
I didn't.
I'm still not 100% convinced that it happened. But she claims that it did, and it was pretty funny.
Apparently, I woke Mackenzie up one night, insisting that she move over because she was a "little furnace". At least I was nice about it? I still remember a time when Amy decided to wake me up because I had crossed the line into her territory with a firmly placed foot in the center of my back!
Resources
I'm sitting at my uncle's house, who is a bishop in our church and he has paraphernalia all over. We bless every meal, and say family prayer at night and it is really nice. I sat down at his computer, and he had lds.org open, and so on a whim I decided to peruse around the site, because I don't log on except to access my scriptures in Sunday School once a week and it'd been a while since I had really looked at the site.
I was struck with how much doesn't seem to be applicable to me and my current stage in life. As a late-twenty something, I don't fit the mold that most of my peers do. I'm still single. And I don't have kids.
So articles about raising kids, or nourishing marriages don't apply to me. Even under the resources page, there are things specifically for home and family, marriage, children, youth . . . (welfare, but that doesn't apply to me either).
I'm not saying that I don't find things in the church that aren't relevant to me--I'm obviously still in the church, and I'm not going anywhere. For all that I find fault in, I find 100 other reasons to stay. I love the gospel and there is hope and peace to be found in it.
But sometimes its exhausting. It's exhausting trying to find a place where you don't fit the standard mold. It's exhausting trying to see through the culture to get to the doctrine. And every time I go to a family ward, I feel even more weary.
I was struck with how much doesn't seem to be applicable to me and my current stage in life. As a late-twenty something, I don't fit the mold that most of my peers do. I'm still single. And I don't have kids.
So articles about raising kids, or nourishing marriages don't apply to me. Even under the resources page, there are things specifically for home and family, marriage, children, youth . . . (welfare, but that doesn't apply to me either).
I'm not saying that I don't find things in the church that aren't relevant to me--I'm obviously still in the church, and I'm not going anywhere. For all that I find fault in, I find 100 other reasons to stay. I love the gospel and there is hope and peace to be found in it.
But sometimes its exhausting. It's exhausting trying to find a place where you don't fit the standard mold. It's exhausting trying to see through the culture to get to the doctrine. And every time I go to a family ward, I feel even more weary.
May 26, 2014
Five Fictional Men Who Have Ruined Me for Actual Men
Simon Stein - In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner
Simon is amazing in both the book and the movie, but I will admit, that I like movie version much better. He's unrelenting in his pursuit of the lady he knows he is meant to be with. Understanding of--but does not put up with her--crazy. He knows how to order excellent food at all sorts of amazing, different restaurants. And he sits on the couch and reads romance novels with her. He loves his lady despite all her flaws. Benedict - Much Ado About Nothing by Shakespeare
He is the grumpiest, wittiest, most hilarious character ever written. Need I say more? (Also, Much Ado About Nothing happens to be my favorite Shakespeare play. I remember reading it in English in 10th grade and being one of maybe three people who actually understood it enough to laugh out loud. I'm currently watching the Joss Whedon version and it has made me laugh out loud several times.) Oh, Benedict. Jamie Fraser - Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
Jamie is . . . well, if you follow the fandom of the Outlander series, he is God's gift to women. He is also witty (though, no Benedict) and he is manly, and says the sweetest, most perfect things. He is imperfect. But he is loyal and true and patriotic, and bound to duty. He is strong, and quick, clever and witty. He loves Claire with a passion that extends through time, continent, and every trial he and his family goes through. He is swoonworthy. And virile. And probably incomparable. Reginald Fitzhugh - The Mischief of Mistletoe by Lauren Willig
As grumpy as Benedict is, that is how pleasant and good-humored Turnip is. I love him because he was nothing like I expected him to be. He was introduced in several of the books prior to receiving his own, and seemed goofy and intolerable, and I disliked him as much as every other character. But seeing him in action as this sweet, thoughtful, goofy character made me love him.George Knightly - Emma by Jane Austen
Most people think to love Mr. Darcy when it comes to Austen's characters. But I have always loved Mr. Knightly more. He loves Emma, but he is not afraid to correct her when she needs it. He is a sensible, and kind man.
Honorable mentions: Peeta Mellark from Hunger Games | John Thornton from North & South | Danny Castellano from The Mindy Project | Raylan Givins from Justified | Jim Halpert from The Office | Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars | Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter | Sirius Black from Harry Potter | Levi from Fangirl | Ian from The Host | Lincoln from Attachments | & many, many others
And also, the world has not yet been introduced to William Hardy, who is a character in Marry in Haste. A work in progress by MK Peters. I'm not going to lie, but he may be the very best character ever written. I love him.
Simon is amazing in both the book and the movie, but I will admit, that I like movie version much better. He's unrelenting in his pursuit of the lady he knows he is meant to be with. Understanding of--but does not put up with her--crazy. He knows how to order excellent food at all sorts of amazing, different restaurants. And he sits on the couch and reads romance novels with her. He loves his lady despite all her flaws. Benedict - Much Ado About Nothing by Shakespeare
He is the grumpiest, wittiest, most hilarious character ever written. Need I say more? (Also, Much Ado About Nothing happens to be my favorite Shakespeare play. I remember reading it in English in 10th grade and being one of maybe three people who actually understood it enough to laugh out loud. I'm currently watching the Joss Whedon version and it has made me laugh out loud several times.) Oh, Benedict. Jamie Fraser - Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
Jamie is . . . well, if you follow the fandom of the Outlander series, he is God's gift to women. He is also witty (though, no Benedict) and he is manly, and says the sweetest, most perfect things. He is imperfect. But he is loyal and true and patriotic, and bound to duty. He is strong, and quick, clever and witty. He loves Claire with a passion that extends through time, continent, and every trial he and his family goes through. He is swoonworthy. And virile. And probably incomparable. Reginald Fitzhugh - The Mischief of Mistletoe by Lauren Willig
As grumpy as Benedict is, that is how pleasant and good-humored Turnip is. I love him because he was nothing like I expected him to be. He was introduced in several of the books prior to receiving his own, and seemed goofy and intolerable, and I disliked him as much as every other character. But seeing him in action as this sweet, thoughtful, goofy character made me love him.George Knightly - Emma by Jane Austen
Most people think to love Mr. Darcy when it comes to Austen's characters. But I have always loved Mr. Knightly more. He loves Emma, but he is not afraid to correct her when she needs it. He is a sensible, and kind man.
Honorable mentions: Peeta Mellark from Hunger Games | John Thornton from North & South | Danny Castellano from The Mindy Project | Raylan Givins from Justified | Jim Halpert from The Office | Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars | Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter | Sirius Black from Harry Potter | Levi from Fangirl | Ian from The Host | Lincoln from Attachments | & many, many others
And also, the world has not yet been introduced to William Hardy, who is a character in Marry in Haste. A work in progress by MK Peters. I'm not going to lie, but he may be the very best character ever written. I love him.
May 12, 2014
Discovery
In case you were wondering:
The packaging of Reese's Peanut Butter cups is not water proof.* Wet Reese's are incredibly sticky, not appetizing, and should be thrown away.
The packaging on a Kit Kat is water proof. And the Kit Kats remain fairly delightful.
*Test conducted over a two week period.
The packaging of Reese's Peanut Butter cups is not water proof.* Wet Reese's are incredibly sticky, not appetizing, and should be thrown away.
The packaging on a Kit Kat is water proof. And the Kit Kats remain fairly delightful.
*Test conducted over a two week period.
May 5, 2014
Please RSVP
Have I complained about this (on my blog) before?
Why is it that people are so reluctant to commit to...well, anything, really? But especially to parties and events. I just want to throw a nice party and have enough food and favors for everyone, and all I get are non-responses and "maybe". MAYBE. What the does that mean? How do you plan for a maybe? Well, I might be there. But I might not be. I'm mysterious like that, and you should love me anyway.
False.
Can't you just check your calendar and say, "I have nothing going on and would love to attend, so yes. Yes I will be there," or "Dang. I'm already booked for that day and time. I can't rearrange my schedule because I've already committed to something else. Sorry, I won't be there"?
What I really want to say is, Hey y'all: when RSVPing, just remember that a "maybe" or a non-response isn't really helpful. AT ALL.When planning party favors and food, it's preferable to have an accurate number of who will or will not be there. (Imagine that.)
I know it's not fun saying "no", especially when you love and support the guest of honor, but if it is an accurate representation of whether or not you'll be at the party, then please just say "no". And if you you will do everything that you can to be there then say "yes"! We'll understand if something comes up...
Because, you know, I would understand if something comes up. (Including sudden bouts of complete anti-social tendencies where you literally cannot leave the house. Trust me, I know all about those.)
Why is it that people are so reluctant to commit to...well, anything, really? But especially to parties and events. I just want to throw a nice party and have enough food and favors for everyone, and all I get are non-responses and "maybe". MAYBE. What the does that mean? How do you plan for a maybe? Well, I might be there. But I might not be. I'm mysterious like that, and you should love me anyway.
False.
Can't you just check your calendar and say, "I have nothing going on and would love to attend, so yes. Yes I will be there," or "Dang. I'm already booked for that day and time. I can't rearrange my schedule because I've already committed to something else. Sorry, I won't be there"?
What I really want to say is, Hey y'all: when RSVPing, just remember that a "maybe" or a non-response isn't really helpful. AT ALL.When planning party favors and food, it's preferable to have an accurate number of who will or will not be there. (Imagine that.)
I know it's not fun saying "no", especially when you love and support the guest of honor, but if it is an accurate representation of whether or not you'll be at the party, then please just say "no". And if you you will do everything that you can to be there then say "yes"! We'll understand if something comes up...
Because, you know, I would understand if something comes up. (Including sudden bouts of complete anti-social tendencies where you literally cannot leave the house. Trust me, I know all about those.)
April 18, 2014
Laborer
I recently updated my Linkedin.com profile to have a title that doesn't make any sense and sounds more like I'm trying to pad my resume than actually describe what I do. . .
I do a lot at the office, even if sometimes I don't feel like doing anything at all. One of the not-made-up-but-looks-made-up titles I have is effectively "facilities manager." And being that I am facilities manager, I decided that our landscaping needs some serious help. Our building is located right between two busy restaurants (that serve alcohol) and across the street from a newly finished construction site. The parking lot that is sandwiched between our building and our neighboring restaurant is a breeding ground for trash. I don't think the weird wind patterns help. So yesterday, as I was managing my facility by picking up trash, pulling weeds, and sorting between our pretty (expensive) decorative rocks and random pieces of concrete, a guy walks by, stops in his tracks and says, "Shit girl, what are you doing? That's a man's job!" To which I replied that no, it wasn't a man's job and besides, at least it got me in the sun and away from my desk and he said, "Well, I guess it ain't exactly hard work," as if to imply that women can't do hard work.
He wished me well and said that as long as I was getting paid for it, and I was happy, that was the important thing.
Well said, sir.
I continued my way around the building. The other side of our building serves as a smoking post for one of the restaurants and their were cigarette butts EVERYWHERE. There were a lot on the other side, but nothing like this.
Side note: When I was younger and my dad had reroofed our house, he paid each of us kids a penny a nail. We spent a whole summer scouring the yard for nails, just so we could earn enough pennies to go to the Drive-Thur and buy candy cigarettes. (Ah, the irony.)
This, of course, is where I got the idea. I want to write the owner of the restaurant and encourage him to have his employees use the smoking booth that is provided about 50 feet away from our office, and if not, I would charge a quarter per butt that I have to pick up. I'm certain that I could make a fortune. I also wondered how ethical it would be to just pay a homeless person like. . . $20 to pick up as many as possible in one hour. How hard would they work for an hour?
Which brings me to my last story.
A few months ago the boys and I stopped at my office to see the progress of the first floor remodel before going to City Creek. A guy knocked on the window and was sobbing - SOBBING - about how he was stranded and just needed $16 in order to buy a plane ticket to get back to Texas and could we please help? I think the boys were less affected by the story, and more anxious to get the flamboyant, crying man away from the window. We gave him money. Only, not but an hour later, we found him hitting others up at City Creek for money. James confronted the guy, and saved one family from listening, but he can't be around all the time now can he? On Wednesday, Andre and I were sitting in the car of my office lot, and there was our little gay friend, as bold as ever, hitting people up for money. Then yesterday, as I sat picking up broken glass from amongst our rocks (a task only a little less worse than picking up cigarette butts), there he was again! He knocked on one person's window and was not crying this time. But then he passed by me a few other times, mumbling the F-word under his breath. I asked him if he wasn't meant to be in Texas months ago, and he just waved his arms at me and kept walking.
I do a lot at the office, even if sometimes I don't feel like doing anything at all. One of the not-made-up-but-looks-made-up titles I have is effectively "facilities manager." And being that I am facilities manager, I decided that our landscaping needs some serious help. Our building is located right between two busy restaurants (that serve alcohol) and across the street from a newly finished construction site. The parking lot that is sandwiched between our building and our neighboring restaurant is a breeding ground for trash. I don't think the weird wind patterns help. So yesterday, as I was managing my facility by picking up trash, pulling weeds, and sorting between our pretty (expensive) decorative rocks and random pieces of concrete, a guy walks by, stops in his tracks and says, "Shit girl, what are you doing? That's a man's job!" To which I replied that no, it wasn't a man's job and besides, at least it got me in the sun and away from my desk and he said, "Well, I guess it ain't exactly hard work," as if to imply that women can't do hard work.
He wished me well and said that as long as I was getting paid for it, and I was happy, that was the important thing.
Well said, sir.
I continued my way around the building. The other side of our building serves as a smoking post for one of the restaurants and their were cigarette butts EVERYWHERE. There were a lot on the other side, but nothing like this.
Side note: When I was younger and my dad had reroofed our house, he paid each of us kids a penny a nail. We spent a whole summer scouring the yard for nails, just so we could earn enough pennies to go to the Drive-Thur and buy candy cigarettes. (Ah, the irony.)
This, of course, is where I got the idea. I want to write the owner of the restaurant and encourage him to have his employees use the smoking booth that is provided about 50 feet away from our office, and if not, I would charge a quarter per butt that I have to pick up. I'm certain that I could make a fortune. I also wondered how ethical it would be to just pay a homeless person like. . . $20 to pick up as many as possible in one hour. How hard would they work for an hour?
Which brings me to my last story.
A few months ago the boys and I stopped at my office to see the progress of the first floor remodel before going to City Creek. A guy knocked on the window and was sobbing - SOBBING - about how he was stranded and just needed $16 in order to buy a plane ticket to get back to Texas and could we please help? I think the boys were less affected by the story, and more anxious to get the flamboyant, crying man away from the window. We gave him money. Only, not but an hour later, we found him hitting others up at City Creek for money. James confronted the guy, and saved one family from listening, but he can't be around all the time now can he? On Wednesday, Andre and I were sitting in the car of my office lot, and there was our little gay friend, as bold as ever, hitting people up for money. Then yesterday, as I sat picking up broken glass from amongst our rocks (a task only a little less worse than picking up cigarette butts), there he was again! He knocked on one person's window and was not crying this time. But then he passed by me a few other times, mumbling the F-word under his breath. I asked him if he wasn't meant to be in Texas months ago, and he just waved his arms at me and kept walking.
March 17, 2014
A New Club
I'm in the planning stages of forming a new club. Similar to the FTC, it will have arbitrary rules that fit at my discretion, and can be changed on a moment's notice.
I'm thinking of calling it something like, "Introverted or Depressed: The Club for People Who Don't Want to Leave Their Beds."
The by-laws are currently being written up, but they'll have headings like the following:
How to avoid pep talks by well-meaning friendsIt's OK to cry for no reasonThere's always room for chocolate and ice cream, and chocolate ice creamWhy are you wearing a bra?The hygiene of depression: good for those with no will to live, and also to keep others at bay (for the introverts among us)When it's appropriate to call in "sick" for workThe bags under your eyes: you're tired for a reasonBecoming a vampire, or, How to avoid the sunWhat to do when you HAVE to leave the houseBecoming a hermit, or, How to avoid the human populationWhat do do when you HAVE to interact with peopleThe twelves types of fakes smiles, also included, the five fake laughs you must masterIt'll be an exclusive club. Not just anyone can join. I am thinking about asking Ally from Hyperbole and a Half to join as an honorary member, just because, you know, she gets it. (Read this: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html; and then if you really want to take this further - to the advanced course of my club that has yet to be established - you can go here and read: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html and understand why this girl is really quite perfect for my club.)
When admission applications go out, I'll let everyone know. Until then, let me know if you find a reason or two why you don't need to join my club.
I'm thinking of calling it something like, "Introverted or Depressed: The Club for People Who Don't Want to Leave Their Beds."
The by-laws are currently being written up, but they'll have headings like the following:
How to avoid pep talks by well-meaning friendsIt's OK to cry for no reasonThere's always room for chocolate and ice cream, and chocolate ice creamWhy are you wearing a bra?The hygiene of depression: good for those with no will to live, and also to keep others at bay (for the introverts among us)When it's appropriate to call in "sick" for workThe bags under your eyes: you're tired for a reasonBecoming a vampire, or, How to avoid the sunWhat to do when you HAVE to leave the houseBecoming a hermit, or, How to avoid the human populationWhat do do when you HAVE to interact with peopleThe twelves types of fakes smiles, also included, the five fake laughs you must masterIt'll be an exclusive club. Not just anyone can join. I am thinking about asking Ally from Hyperbole and a Half to join as an honorary member, just because, you know, she gets it. (Read this: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html; and then if you really want to take this further - to the advanced course of my club that has yet to be established - you can go here and read: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html and understand why this girl is really quite perfect for my club.)
When admission applications go out, I'll let everyone know. Until then, let me know if you find a reason or two why you don't need to join my club.
March 12, 2014
Same Old Same
Do you know that I've had a blog for six years (SIX!), and I have basically blogged about the same things over and over and over again? Are you, dear reader, tired of reading about it all? If you have noticed my lack of posts the last year or so, you might realize that I'm tired of writing it.
It's weird how so many things can change is just a month or a year, and then some things, don't change despite time just blowing on by. Natural disasters happen in minutes and devastate or obliterate entire regions. Think of all the changes that happen to a baby from being a newborn to six months; or how much a missionary matures in the space of 18 months to two years. Or the fact that one of your best friends abandoned you for another state a mere 19 weeks ago, and is now, very seriously, contemplating marrying a guy she met within that same time frame. And then there's me. Writing journal entries and blog posts that haven't changed since the minute I turned 16-years old.
How long do you have to fight the same fight before you throw up your hands and say "I'm done!"? I mean, I guess there's no real answer to this. Do you remember learning about the Hundred Years War in school? One hundred years of fighting is equal to a few lifetimes back between the 12th and 13th centuries. What if you have a child with a mental illness and you can't do anything about it but watch him suffer? What if you have a friend or a spouse continually making the same choices/mistakes repeatedly, and never reform? It's their choice, after all. What do you do with things like that - the things that are beyond your control and you're just so tired? So exhausted of the same things and nothing changing.
We're supposed to carpe diem! and take the bull by the horns! Bloom where we are planted! And all these other things. We can make other changes, sure. It's easy to pack up and move to a new apartment or start a new job. You can even make new friends and pick up a hobby. That doesn't always change things. Things like this can't change the underlying, deep rooted problems in our lives. So then we bring in faith and prayer and you wonder, just how many times can God listen to your pleadings for help and assistance, for lessons and the ability to move. on.? Doesn't he get tired of the repetition? I know I do. I truly believe that God knows our hearts' desires. He knows what and who we need. There are plenty of talks and lectures and things talking about praying for specific blessings and asking to do the Lord's will and then our prayers will be answered. Change the phrasing of your prayers and miracles will happen. I refuse to believe that God won't answer prayers because of a technicality - because we worded the prayer wrong. Again, I know that he knows what we long for, hurt for, and need. I know we don't see the big picture and won't always understand why he stays his hand.
So instead, sometimes you just want to curl up and say no more. I'm done. I'm tapping out. What then? You still have to wake up and go to work. You still have to function. You still have to deal with the child, the friend, the loneliness because they are all still there. And there's no change in the forecast.
It's weird how so many things can change is just a month or a year, and then some things, don't change despite time just blowing on by. Natural disasters happen in minutes and devastate or obliterate entire regions. Think of all the changes that happen to a baby from being a newborn to six months; or how much a missionary matures in the space of 18 months to two years. Or the fact that one of your best friends abandoned you for another state a mere 19 weeks ago, and is now, very seriously, contemplating marrying a guy she met within that same time frame. And then there's me. Writing journal entries and blog posts that haven't changed since the minute I turned 16-years old.
How long do you have to fight the same fight before you throw up your hands and say "I'm done!"? I mean, I guess there's no real answer to this. Do you remember learning about the Hundred Years War in school? One hundred years of fighting is equal to a few lifetimes back between the 12th and 13th centuries. What if you have a child with a mental illness and you can't do anything about it but watch him suffer? What if you have a friend or a spouse continually making the same choices/mistakes repeatedly, and never reform? It's their choice, after all. What do you do with things like that - the things that are beyond your control and you're just so tired? So exhausted of the same things and nothing changing.
We're supposed to carpe diem! and take the bull by the horns! Bloom where we are planted! And all these other things. We can make other changes, sure. It's easy to pack up and move to a new apartment or start a new job. You can even make new friends and pick up a hobby. That doesn't always change things. Things like this can't change the underlying, deep rooted problems in our lives. So then we bring in faith and prayer and you wonder, just how many times can God listen to your pleadings for help and assistance, for lessons and the ability to move. on.? Doesn't he get tired of the repetition? I know I do. I truly believe that God knows our hearts' desires. He knows what and who we need. There are plenty of talks and lectures and things talking about praying for specific blessings and asking to do the Lord's will and then our prayers will be answered. Change the phrasing of your prayers and miracles will happen. I refuse to believe that God won't answer prayers because of a technicality - because we worded the prayer wrong. Again, I know that he knows what we long for, hurt for, and need. I know we don't see the big picture and won't always understand why he stays his hand.
So instead, sometimes you just want to curl up and say no more. I'm done. I'm tapping out. What then? You still have to wake up and go to work. You still have to function. You still have to deal with the child, the friend, the loneliness because they are all still there. And there's no change in the forecast.
February 25, 2014
Keeping A Promise
“Some people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them," I said.This quote can be applied to so many things. But, on those days when I'm not quite doubting my doubts, I think this quote applies to Church. A lot of people I know who have left the church claim that they did not know what they were getting into when they were baptized or when they went through the temple. But there was always the reason that they did it. It was still a choice. And I think sometimes that is just as much a reason to hang on, find the good, and move forward as any. I feel like we always find our reasons later, if we are willing to look for them. You find the reasons why you love the Savior, and why you love church.
"Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
This also applies to relationships. Sometimes relationships bring up hard things, e.g. disease/illness, that are hard to deal with; things that we don't know we are going to be facing when we decide to get into the relationship. And if you really love the person, then you keep the promise, you move forward.
This quote comes from one of my new favorite books, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. It made me cry at least twice. And if I think about it for too long, I can easily tear up again. It's a very beautiful, perfect, sad story about love and life and it makes me think (and feel) things. Even a month after having finished it.
