Heather Huffman's Blog, page 10
June 22, 2015
Conversations Without Boys
My three boys are blessed with two sets of grandparents who love them immeasurably. Not many kiddos have that anymore. I can't begin to say how much my boys bring joy into my world, how much I love them, or how exhausting raising them can be.
This week, they're spending a whole week with their grandparents in St. Louis. One whole week. No boys. No pinging off the wall. No bickering. No belly laughing until your sides hurt. No goodnight hugs. One whole week.
I've decided that by the end of the week, I'll either rule the world or completely lose my mind. Usually, I chronicle my life with my crazy kiddos in "Conversations with Boys." This week, it'll be "Conversations Without Boys."
Say a prayer for me.
Day 1
The silence is what gets me. I can hear the fan whirring behind me. There are these weird words bumping around my brain... I'm pretty sure they're thoughts, but I haven't heard those in so long I've forgotten what they sound like.
By lunchtime, I'd tended the animals, eaten breakfast AND lunch, caught up on my to-do list for Vox Dei, and actually remembered my noon meeting. Like, even before the calendar told me about it.
After my meetings, I decided to deep clean the bathroom, top to bottom. Literally top to bottom. The ceiling and floors have never looked so good, although there is a very irritated spider now.
I've discovered that the laundry hamper actually has a bottom and the sink isn't a myth. It does exist under the never-ending stream of dishes.
At first I told myself Holly puppy was looking thoughtful at my stream of conversation. Now I'm beginning to think that's a look more questioning my sanity. Charlie-Bear is looking pretty long suffering. Maybe I'll go talk to the goats for a while.
If you noticed a new look to the website, that's courtesy of the quiet house, too. And not having to compete with the boys for internet bandwidth. (Yes, Blake, that does mean you.)
Tomorrow, I'll finish the horse shed and deep clean their rooms. I'm not sure who should be more afraid about that one: me or them.
As of now, it's a tossup as to what will win this week: world conquering or insanity.
This week, they're spending a whole week with their grandparents in St. Louis. One whole week. No boys. No pinging off the wall. No bickering. No belly laughing until your sides hurt. No goodnight hugs. One whole week.
I've decided that by the end of the week, I'll either rule the world or completely lose my mind. Usually, I chronicle my life with my crazy kiddos in "Conversations with Boys." This week, it'll be "Conversations Without Boys."
Say a prayer for me.
Day 1
The silence is what gets me. I can hear the fan whirring behind me. There are these weird words bumping around my brain... I'm pretty sure they're thoughts, but I haven't heard those in so long I've forgotten what they sound like.
By lunchtime, I'd tended the animals, eaten breakfast AND lunch, caught up on my to-do list for Vox Dei, and actually remembered my noon meeting. Like, even before the calendar told me about it.
After my meetings, I decided to deep clean the bathroom, top to bottom. Literally top to bottom. The ceiling and floors have never looked so good, although there is a very irritated spider now.
I've discovered that the laundry hamper actually has a bottom and the sink isn't a myth. It does exist under the never-ending stream of dishes.
At first I told myself Holly puppy was looking thoughtful at my stream of conversation. Now I'm beginning to think that's a look more questioning my sanity. Charlie-Bear is looking pretty long suffering. Maybe I'll go talk to the goats for a while.
If you noticed a new look to the website, that's courtesy of the quiet house, too. And not having to compete with the boys for internet bandwidth. (Yes, Blake, that does mean you.)
Tomorrow, I'll finish the horse shed and deep clean their rooms. I'm not sure who should be more afraid about that one: me or them.
As of now, it's a tossup as to what will win this week: world conquering or insanity.
May 26, 2015
Guest Post: A Promise to My Dogs
When Heather Huffman asked me to guest blog about any topic that I wanted, my first thought was-animals. It’s Heather Huffman after all. But then I thought about what animals symbolize for me. They serve as a balance of who I am and who I want to be. Animals align me in my world, whether it be in my writing struggles, parenting issues or those little frustrations that life throws my way. Pets and animals offer a simplicity that allows us to depart from the chaos that floats around in our mind on a daily basis and enter a world of quiet self-reflection. While my good friend Heather is surrounded by the sounds of farm animals and the quiet country nights, I am encompassed by the louder city life with two Newfoundland dogs who serve as my family pets. As only another writer can understand, developing and launching a novel is a lot of hard work. The writing part is easy for us writers, it’s all the other things in life that sidetrack us, sending our world into a tailspin. With the recent release of Underwater Secrets, I’ve been caught up in the world of marketing and tying up last minute typos. With all the pre-launch stress, I have failed to give my furry kids any attention. They lie on the floor by my feet, loyal to my every move and command, so why should they be pushed aside because a new book has entered the world?
The other day I was feeling particularly bitter and stressed out. In the midst of it all I realized that I had had completely forgotten about my two dogs, Baxter and Brody. Instead of stopping to pet them as part of my daily ritual, I walked over their massive bodies or pushed them aside when they got in the way of my many back and forth trips from the kitchen to my office. I was consumed with my own life and had failed to remember what truly makes me happy-petting my boys and being surrounded by their soothing simplicity. It is one of the moments in my day that loosens up my tightly wound schedule and frees me from the clutter of thoughts that bounce around in my brain. After all, my dogs accept me for who I am, no questions asked.
So, I made a date with my dogs. I promised them that I would schedule a few minutes out of every day to pet them, brush out their messy mats and simply give them the attention they deserve. There is a reason that dogs are used for therapy and this is evident in the way they have taken me down from my whirlwind. So, as I do with all new book releases-I learn something. As a new book gets printed and sent out to the world, a little piece of me is shed and a new part of my life begins.
About the author: EJ Hanagan is a writer, fitness fanatic, obsessive reader and animal lover. She lives in a sleepy beach town outside of Boston with her husband, their new baby girl and their two giant Newfoundland dogs.
After spending four years in the Air Force, EJ put her fire for fitness to good use and worked as a personal trainer while going to college. If it weren't for the amazing, brave people that she met while in the military, she wouldn't have the passion that she does now, to focus on bringing awareness to veterans with PTSD. Her hope is to bring the invisible scars of war to the surface through her writing and community involvement.
Connect with EJ online:
Amazon | Facebook Author Page | Twitter
Add Underwater Secrets to Goodreads
May 14, 2015
Horses and Exploding to-Do Lists...
My sweet Dixie girl, grazing with the goats. About the time I get my feet under me with all of the different things competing for my attention, the season changes and my to-do list explodes all over again. We live in a busy world - sadly, exploding to-do lists are probably the norm. Still, I'm trying to shuffle things around and realign priorities so I don't find myself too buried to enjoy any of the things I love - writing being at the top of that list. I think I'm getting close to finding that balance. Close-ish, anyway.Another thing on that list is horseback riding. After Blake's accident, it took me a while to love riding again. He was ready to hop back in the saddle long before the rest of us were - I'm guessing it's because he slept through the scary parts while we got a front row seat. I'm thankful for my patient and sweet mare, Dixie. She was coming back from an injury of her own when our paths crossed. It's taken us three years, but we seem to have finally "fixed" each other. My boys and I have decided this is the summer to wade back into the world of horses. No more hanging out at the shoreline for us!
So, in addition to our full springtime schedule of getting the garden in and fencing off new pastures, we've added building a new horse shed to the to-do list. (I think the alpacas will be sad to lose their horse buddy, though. They think she's their leader.)
Christopher, the youngest, has caught the bug big-time. He spends every waking moment on all things horse and several hours a day working with Dixie, trying to teach her new things and letting her teach him. This summer, his birthday present will be a foal from the appaloosa breeder where we bought Dixie. He's already decided to name him Apollo Butterworth so he can call him Appy Butt. We get to meet him in June and pick him up at weaning - around August or September. I'm trying not to wish away my summer, but I'm as excited as he is!
We're still deciding who else to add to our herd. The decision making process makes me think I need more land. (And I'm gonna need a bigger barn...)
I realize that getting serious about horses again will do absolutely nothing good for my exploding to-do list, but it's done wonders for my soul. And the goats aren't too jealous.
May 2, 2015
A Beautiful Mark
Today's guest is a woman I greatly admire. She brightens this world with her beauty and has made it her mission to help others realize how beautiful they are. I met her through my book blog, Word Menagerie. I agree to review her indie book, Entertaining Angels, as part of a book tour. I found it - and her - completely enchanting. When I took the helm at Vox Dei, I asked Emerald if she would be interested in republishing under our imprint. Thankfully, she was, and Entertaining Angels became the first book to launch from Vox Dei under my direction. I'm so thankful to have Emerald as part of the Vox Dei team, and I'm thrilled to be introducing her on the blog today. (Actually, I was supposed to do this yesterday, but as is always the case these days, I'm running late!) ~Heather 
If there’s one thing that I want to do, it’s help girls/women/men feel beautiful and worthy of love. So often we get lost in letting the pressure of today’s society beat us down and tell us that we’re worthless, that we’ll never be pretty or good looking. Well, that’s a lie. We’re all beautiful! We’re all worthy!
Since the moment I first began writing Entertaining Angels, it was a “take that society, this fat chick can find love” novel, but as I dove deeper into it, I realized that it wasn’t about finding love. It was about learning to love ourselves. The real message of this book was to prove that despite how we look, be it fat or skinny, we’re beautiful and deserving of our own love. Our body image doesn’t determine WHO we are; it’s just a small part of the real person. It’s the package, so to speak. Who we are is more than our looks, our status, or how much money we have. It’s about who we are on the inside, and to me, once we accept who we are for our “flaws” and all, we’re one step closer to realizing how truly beautiful we are! We’re one step closer to really loving ourselves.
My main goal is to help girls/women/men see that what they look like doesn’t determine WHO they are. I’m fat, and that’s okay. My health is fine, and yes, I realize that if I were in a smaller weight class, I’d feel better, etc, and I’m in the process of trying to fix that for myself. I’m NOT losing weight because I feel like I HAVE to to be beautiful. I’ve finally reached that point in my life where I’m doing because I want to, not because I “have” to.
And that’s what I’m trying to get other people to see through my #youarebeautiful campaign. We’re constantly surrounded by ads telling us that we have to lose weight. We can’t wear “this” if we aren’t [insert a super tiny size here], and that’s not the case. If you want to wear skinny jeans, wear them. If you want to wear shorts, wear them. We don’t have to worry about what other people think because we know we’re beautiful. But, if you don’t know how beautiful you really are, you will worry. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced that feeling for the better part of my entire (soon to be) 28 years of life.
I’ve just now decided that I don’t care what people think of me because the One who matters the most already said I was beautiful. God created me, knowing exactly what I was going to look like, and I’m still here because He loved me enough to form me in my mother’s womb.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 has pretty much become our “battle cry” for this #youarebeautiful campaign. “He hath made everything beautiful in His time…” God has made EVERYTHING beautiful. That’s me; that’s you; it’s the woman in the grocery store, and the man walking down the road. It’s the kid with down-syndrome in the mall with her mother. It’s you, and it’s me. We are all beautiful, and I have such a desire to spread the word about this because I want you to know just how truly beautiful you are!
You deserve to feel worthy. You deserve to feel beautiful, and you deserve to love yourself instead of hate the reflection staring back at you. You’re a child of God, and He has made everything (everyone) beautiful!
About the book
Madison Andrews can’t face her reflection in the mirror. All she sees is a big, fat nobody. Yet, deep inside she longs for something more, something that’s not skin deep. Along comes Zach, the new guy in high school. He’s smoking hot and totally out of her league. She somehow catches his eye, and he makes her feel beautiful for once. But just as she gets close to Zach, her nerdy best friend, Chase, won’t let Madison doubt her true beauty, no matter how many meals she skips. Dark forces are at work, darker than the lies and mocking from her peers, stopping her from amounting to her full potential. With her newfound Christian faith, can Madison find true happiness in her own skin amidst the battle of angels and demons?
Emerald Barnes graduated with a B.A. in English with an emphasis on Creative Writing at Mississippi University for Women. She resides in a small town in Mississippi and has the accent to prove it. She's constantly working on new novels and has more ideas than she knows what to do with. She’s an auntie to three beautiful nieces and two handsome nephews. She's a Whovian, a little bit of a nerd, a reader, a writer, and a family-oriented person. God is number one in her life, and she thanks Him continuously for His love and favor.
Don't miss Entertaining Angels by Emerald Barnes, available now!
If there’s one thing that I want to do, it’s help girls/women/men feel beautiful and worthy of love. So often we get lost in letting the pressure of today’s society beat us down and tell us that we’re worthless, that we’ll never be pretty or good looking. Well, that’s a lie. We’re all beautiful! We’re all worthy! Since the moment I first began writing Entertaining Angels, it was a “take that society, this fat chick can find love” novel, but as I dove deeper into it, I realized that it wasn’t about finding love. It was about learning to love ourselves. The real message of this book was to prove that despite how we look, be it fat or skinny, we’re beautiful and deserving of our own love. Our body image doesn’t determine WHO we are; it’s just a small part of the real person. It’s the package, so to speak. Who we are is more than our looks, our status, or how much money we have. It’s about who we are on the inside, and to me, once we accept who we are for our “flaws” and all, we’re one step closer to realizing how truly beautiful we are! We’re one step closer to really loving ourselves.
My main goal is to help girls/women/men see that what they look like doesn’t determine WHO they are. I’m fat, and that’s okay. My health is fine, and yes, I realize that if I were in a smaller weight class, I’d feel better, etc, and I’m in the process of trying to fix that for myself. I’m NOT losing weight because I feel like I HAVE to to be beautiful. I’ve finally reached that point in my life where I’m doing because I want to, not because I “have” to.
And that’s what I’m trying to get other people to see through my #youarebeautiful campaign. We’re constantly surrounded by ads telling us that we have to lose weight. We can’t wear “this” if we aren’t [insert a super tiny size here], and that’s not the case. If you want to wear skinny jeans, wear them. If you want to wear shorts, wear them. We don’t have to worry about what other people think because we know we’re beautiful. But, if you don’t know how beautiful you really are, you will worry. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced that feeling for the better part of my entire (soon to be) 28 years of life.
I’ve just now decided that I don’t care what people think of me because the One who matters the most already said I was beautiful. God created me, knowing exactly what I was going to look like, and I’m still here because He loved me enough to form me in my mother’s womb.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 has pretty much become our “battle cry” for this #youarebeautiful campaign. “He hath made everything beautiful in His time…” God has made EVERYTHING beautiful. That’s me; that’s you; it’s the woman in the grocery store, and the man walking down the road. It’s the kid with down-syndrome in the mall with her mother. It’s you, and it’s me. We are all beautiful, and I have such a desire to spread the word about this because I want you to know just how truly beautiful you are!
You deserve to feel worthy. You deserve to feel beautiful, and you deserve to love yourself instead of hate the reflection staring back at you. You’re a child of God, and He has made everything (everyone) beautiful!
About the bookMadison Andrews can’t face her reflection in the mirror. All she sees is a big, fat nobody. Yet, deep inside she longs for something more, something that’s not skin deep. Along comes Zach, the new guy in high school. He’s smoking hot and totally out of her league. She somehow catches his eye, and he makes her feel beautiful for once. But just as she gets close to Zach, her nerdy best friend, Chase, won’t let Madison doubt her true beauty, no matter how many meals she skips. Dark forces are at work, darker than the lies and mocking from her peers, stopping her from amounting to her full potential. With her newfound Christian faith, can Madison find true happiness in her own skin amidst the battle of angels and demons?
Emerald Barnes graduated with a B.A. in English with an emphasis on Creative Writing at Mississippi University for Women. She resides in a small town in Mississippi and has the accent to prove it. She's constantly working on new novels and has more ideas than she knows what to do with. She’s an auntie to three beautiful nieces and two handsome nephews. She's a Whovian, a little bit of a nerd, a reader, a writer, and a family-oriented person. God is number one in her life, and she thanks Him continuously for His love and favor.Don't miss Entertaining Angels by Emerald Barnes, available now!
April 13, 2015
Returning from Oz
My book and Vox Dei blogs went quiet for a week or so while I took time to be a friend instead of a writer/Managing Director. Part of that entailed a fairly impromptu road trip, and then the subsequent catching-up that inevitably follows time off.
I was so blessed to have a chance to say goodbye for now to a dear friend who's moving, and to check in on her to see for myself that she came through brain surgery remarkably well. (Yes, brain surgery. How terrifying.) But on top of that blessing, I have a whole new appreciation for Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, only my Oz looked a bit more like Ohio and my tornado was a freak storm called life. After a whirlwind trip with my oldest, which included stops in St. Louis to drop off and pick up my youngest two, I find myself with a even more enamored with my beloved Missouri Ozarks. Here are the top five things I missed while I was gone.
Hills: Maybe it's a misnomer to call them the Ozark Mountains, technically they fall just short of a a true mountain range, but the cragged hills of home are breathtakingly beautiful. Every time I look across them, my heart soars. As my Blazer gobbled up mile after mile of flat terrain, Dylan and I both missed our winding Ozark roads more and more. Something in my just feels off when I'm not surrounded by these hills.Trees: I take for granted the symphony of trees we have in the Ozarks. Right now, they're in an explosion of color as the flowering trees triumphantly announce the arrival of spring. There is nothing quite as peaceful as the cool woods on a hot summer day. I remember an aunt from Iowa came to visit when I was 15. She couldn't get over all of the trees. I thought it was so odd at the time. It was only after I saw more of our country when I realized we really do have more than our fair share of foliage in this part of the country. I can't imagine not having big ol' gnarly trees all around me. They add so much life to a place.Streams: I gotta be honest, I debated putting sweet tea on my list. It's really hard to find good sweet tea once you head north. But I ultimately had to go with the streams. I live in a land crisscrossed by meandering streams. This time of year, the streams and rivers spill over their banks in a happy gurgle that promises new life. True, my farm is also surrounded by low-lying bridges and it's entirely possible that most of the roads in or out could be underwater after a good thunder-bumper, but it's a small price to pay considering the countless hours of entertainment creek walks provide for my boys.Animals: It might seem obvious to others, but it really occurred to me on this trip that I live at the edge of cattle country. We have a good mix of beef cattle, dairy operations, homesteaders with their hodgepodge of animals, horse ranches... while many of our surrounding states are crop country. At one point in Indiana, Dylan commented "Oh yay, another corn field. I was getting bored with that last corn field." I realized how spoiled we are to get to watch baby cows play in the fields each spring. To look out over our hills and know they'll be dotted with horses or cows.Chatty people: I try really hard to be friendly to the people I encounter on any given day. When I order fast food, I smile, say hi, and ask the cashier how his or her day is going. That got a lot of odd looks and even some irritated sighs the further north I headed. I'm sure the people in the towns I passed through are delightful, but they aren't very chatty. I knew we were home when I asked a cashier how her day was and by the time my purchases were rung up, I'd advised her (at her request) on Mother's day gifts and puppy breeds. We also like to wave a lot down here. It's the only place in the country I've been where people wave as they pass each other on the road. If you don't at least get a friendly nod, you wonder what was wrong. And I'm not just talking about waving at the people you know - I mean you wave at everyone. It's just how things are done.
While we were on our trip, someone jokingly referred to Missouri as "Misery." I've heard the joke before - as a teenager, I probably made it because I was so eager for adventure. But I've come to realize over the years that I was blessed to have roots in such a wildly, ruggedly beautiful place. These hills really are my home and I'm so very thankful for them.
I was so blessed to have a chance to say goodbye for now to a dear friend who's moving, and to check in on her to see for myself that she came through brain surgery remarkably well. (Yes, brain surgery. How terrifying.) But on top of that blessing, I have a whole new appreciation for Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, only my Oz looked a bit more like Ohio and my tornado was a freak storm called life. After a whirlwind trip with my oldest, which included stops in St. Louis to drop off and pick up my youngest two, I find myself with a even more enamored with my beloved Missouri Ozarks. Here are the top five things I missed while I was gone.
Hills: Maybe it's a misnomer to call them the Ozark Mountains, technically they fall just short of a a true mountain range, but the cragged hills of home are breathtakingly beautiful. Every time I look across them, my heart soars. As my Blazer gobbled up mile after mile of flat terrain, Dylan and I both missed our winding Ozark roads more and more. Something in my just feels off when I'm not surrounded by these hills.Trees: I take for granted the symphony of trees we have in the Ozarks. Right now, they're in an explosion of color as the flowering trees triumphantly announce the arrival of spring. There is nothing quite as peaceful as the cool woods on a hot summer day. I remember an aunt from Iowa came to visit when I was 15. She couldn't get over all of the trees. I thought it was so odd at the time. It was only after I saw more of our country when I realized we really do have more than our fair share of foliage in this part of the country. I can't imagine not having big ol' gnarly trees all around me. They add so much life to a place.Streams: I gotta be honest, I debated putting sweet tea on my list. It's really hard to find good sweet tea once you head north. But I ultimately had to go with the streams. I live in a land crisscrossed by meandering streams. This time of year, the streams and rivers spill over their banks in a happy gurgle that promises new life. True, my farm is also surrounded by low-lying bridges and it's entirely possible that most of the roads in or out could be underwater after a good thunder-bumper, but it's a small price to pay considering the countless hours of entertainment creek walks provide for my boys.Animals: It might seem obvious to others, but it really occurred to me on this trip that I live at the edge of cattle country. We have a good mix of beef cattle, dairy operations, homesteaders with their hodgepodge of animals, horse ranches... while many of our surrounding states are crop country. At one point in Indiana, Dylan commented "Oh yay, another corn field. I was getting bored with that last corn field." I realized how spoiled we are to get to watch baby cows play in the fields each spring. To look out over our hills and know they'll be dotted with horses or cows.Chatty people: I try really hard to be friendly to the people I encounter on any given day. When I order fast food, I smile, say hi, and ask the cashier how his or her day is going. That got a lot of odd looks and even some irritated sighs the further north I headed. I'm sure the people in the towns I passed through are delightful, but they aren't very chatty. I knew we were home when I asked a cashier how her day was and by the time my purchases were rung up, I'd advised her (at her request) on Mother's day gifts and puppy breeds. We also like to wave a lot down here. It's the only place in the country I've been where people wave as they pass each other on the road. If you don't at least get a friendly nod, you wonder what was wrong. And I'm not just talking about waving at the people you know - I mean you wave at everyone. It's just how things are done.
While we were on our trip, someone jokingly referred to Missouri as "Misery." I've heard the joke before - as a teenager, I probably made it because I was so eager for adventure. But I've come to realize over the years that I was blessed to have roots in such a wildly, ruggedly beautiful place. These hills really are my home and I'm so very thankful for them.
April 10, 2015
A Mark of Kindness
My favorite part of the journey I'm on as a writer is the people I've met along the way. Galit Breen is one of those amazing individuals I never would have met had I not mustered up the courage to chase my dream. She's one of the kindest, warmest people I've ever encountered, so it broke my heart when I heard she'd been the victim of cyberbullying. Leave it to Galit to take something bad and flip it on its head, using it to make the world a better place. Can't say enough how much I adore this woman or how happy I am to introduce you to her today. ~Heather 3 Lessons I Learned From Being Cyberbullied This summer I wrote an online article about marriage and the comments that came in on it were about my weight. I learned a lot from this. These are my top three lessons from experiencing cyberbullying firsthand and how we can use them to help our kids if it happens to them.
1. Cyberbullying hurts. It hurts a lot. Even though my friends didn’t know what had happened because they weren’t checking the article comments like I was, it felt like everyone knew and I was embarrassed and devastated. I felt very alone.
Lesson learned: Don’t diminish this hurt. Allow the person who experiences cyberbullying to feel sad, mad, and embarrassed without ever (not even once) telling them, “It’s not that big of a deal.”
2. When I talked about what happened, I felt better. When I turned inward all I had was my own hurt. But when I turned outward, I had all the goodness of the people around me. This was a lift.
Lesson learned: Don’t silence someone who is speaking up. Bring it up, listen when they want to talk, hold space for this significant experience. We focus a lot on staying positive in our society. And I do believe in the power of positivity, but talking about the negative, the hard, the ugly has its place, too. And this is it.
3. This world is filled with a lot of good people. But you only get to reap the benefits of this if you let them in. I’m a tried-and-true introvert, reaching out can be hard for me. But I would still be in a very bad place if I didn’t let good people get close.
Lesson learned: We have to pick who we surround ourselves with purposefully. And we have to teach our kids this skill as well. I’ve been very transparent with my own children about how good the people in our lives are, and that I had to reach out to them first before they knew to be there for me. In this case, letting someone “in” can be translated as letting someone into our hearts, into our vulnerabilities. This isn’t easy for everyone. We need to encourage and model this for our kids. And we need to show them that this works by listening to them and being there for them when they do it.
A few months after my cyberbullying experience, after I had a chance to be good and sad about it, I did speak up. I wrote a second article calling out my cyberbullies and calling for online kindness. That article went viral. I wasn’t alone anymore.
From there, I chose to take lemons—being called fat online—and make lemonade—write a book about how to teach our kids to be kind online. I even titled it, Kindness Wins.
All of this happened to me as an adult. And even though I had the perspective and experience of understanding the power of using our voices and telling our stories, it was still a process to get to the “doing” part of things. I wasn’t able to, in Heather’s words, leave my mark—immediately or alone.
So if someone you care about is cyberbullied remember to move slowly in giving them time to be sad and listening to them talk. And move quickly in telling them that their story matters, that they matter, in standing by their side, and in telling their story, too.
Heather asked me to share what mark I want to leave on the world. Kindness Wins is definitely it. I want to be a part of the conversation that creates a culture of kindness where all of us and our kids can be online without the assumption that one of us will be cyberbullied. I want online kindness to be a given and cyberbullying to be the surprise. It’s through these conversations that we’ll not just say that kindness wins, but ensure that it does.
Photo courtesy of Nicole Spangler Photography About the author:
Galit Breen was a classroom and reading teacher for ten years. She has a master's degree in education and a bachelor's degree in human development. In 2009, she launched a career as a freelance writer entrenched in social media. Since then, her work has been featured in various online magazines including Brain, Child, The Huffington Post, TIME, and xoJane. Breen lives in Minnesota with her husband, three children, and a ridiculously spoiled miniature golden doodle. Her book, Kindness Wins, is a simple, no-nonsense guide to teaching our kids to be kind online.
Blog | http://theselittlewaves.com
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/galitbreen
Twitter | https://twitter.com/galitbreen
Instagram | https://instagram.com/galitbreen/
Galit and her family
1. Cyberbullying hurts. It hurts a lot. Even though my friends didn’t know what had happened because they weren’t checking the article comments like I was, it felt like everyone knew and I was embarrassed and devastated. I felt very alone.
Lesson learned: Don’t diminish this hurt. Allow the person who experiences cyberbullying to feel sad, mad, and embarrassed without ever (not even once) telling them, “It’s not that big of a deal.”
2. When I talked about what happened, I felt better. When I turned inward all I had was my own hurt. But when I turned outward, I had all the goodness of the people around me. This was a lift.
Lesson learned: Don’t silence someone who is speaking up. Bring it up, listen when they want to talk, hold space for this significant experience. We focus a lot on staying positive in our society. And I do believe in the power of positivity, but talking about the negative, the hard, the ugly has its place, too. And this is it.
3. This world is filled with a lot of good people. But you only get to reap the benefits of this if you let them in. I’m a tried-and-true introvert, reaching out can be hard for me. But I would still be in a very bad place if I didn’t let good people get close.
Lesson learned: We have to pick who we surround ourselves with purposefully. And we have to teach our kids this skill as well. I’ve been very transparent with my own children about how good the people in our lives are, and that I had to reach out to them first before they knew to be there for me. In this case, letting someone “in” can be translated as letting someone into our hearts, into our vulnerabilities. This isn’t easy for everyone. We need to encourage and model this for our kids. And we need to show them that this works by listening to them and being there for them when they do it.
A few months after my cyberbullying experience, after I had a chance to be good and sad about it, I did speak up. I wrote a second article calling out my cyberbullies and calling for online kindness. That article went viral. I wasn’t alone anymore.
From there, I chose to take lemons—being called fat online—and make lemonade—write a book about how to teach our kids to be kind online. I even titled it, Kindness Wins.All of this happened to me as an adult. And even though I had the perspective and experience of understanding the power of using our voices and telling our stories, it was still a process to get to the “doing” part of things. I wasn’t able to, in Heather’s words, leave my mark—immediately or alone.
So if someone you care about is cyberbullied remember to move slowly in giving them time to be sad and listening to them talk. And move quickly in telling them that their story matters, that they matter, in standing by their side, and in telling their story, too.
Heather asked me to share what mark I want to leave on the world. Kindness Wins is definitely it. I want to be a part of the conversation that creates a culture of kindness where all of us and our kids can be online without the assumption that one of us will be cyberbullied. I want online kindness to be a given and cyberbullying to be the surprise. It’s through these conversations that we’ll not just say that kindness wins, but ensure that it does.
Photo courtesy of Nicole Spangler Photography About the author:Galit Breen was a classroom and reading teacher for ten years. She has a master's degree in education and a bachelor's degree in human development. In 2009, she launched a career as a freelance writer entrenched in social media. Since then, her work has been featured in various online magazines including Brain, Child, The Huffington Post, TIME, and xoJane. Breen lives in Minnesota with her husband, three children, and a ridiculously spoiled miniature golden doodle. Her book, Kindness Wins, is a simple, no-nonsense guide to teaching our kids to be kind online.
Blog | http://theselittlewaves.com
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/galitbreen
Twitter | https://twitter.com/galitbreen
Instagram | https://instagram.com/galitbreen/
Galit and her family
April 6, 2015
Conversations with Boys: April Edition
Dylan: Do you ever plot out or plan what you’d do if you were a criminal?
Me: Nope
Dylan: Oh. Okay. Me either, then.
Blake: Are you guys making fun of me? You’re my parents. You’re supposed to be representing me.
Chris: Don’t you mean resenting you?
Me: I am seriously going to pop a vein soon if you boys don’t get this living room picked up.
Dylan: Can people really pop veins? I bet that hurts.
Chris: (super serious) Yeah, it happened to a friend of mine. He got sent to the nurse.
Dylan: (trying not to laugh) Really? It happened to a friend of yours? Wouldn’t he be a little young for that?
Chris: No; he was in fourth grade.
Chris: How do grandmas learn to cook so well?
Me: Don’t you mean ‘how do moms learn to cook so well?’
Chris: I already know how moms cook so well - that’s why I asked about grandmas.
Blake: Backpedal, backpedal, backpedal
Me: Nope
Dylan: Oh. Okay. Me either, then.
Blake: Are you guys making fun of me? You’re my parents. You’re supposed to be representing me.
Chris: Don’t you mean resenting you?
Me: I am seriously going to pop a vein soon if you boys don’t get this living room picked up.
Dylan: Can people really pop veins? I bet that hurts.
Chris: (super serious) Yeah, it happened to a friend of mine. He got sent to the nurse.
Dylan: (trying not to laugh) Really? It happened to a friend of yours? Wouldn’t he be a little young for that?
Chris: No; he was in fourth grade.
Chris: How do grandmas learn to cook so well?
Me: Don’t you mean ‘how do moms learn to cook so well?’
Chris: I already know how moms cook so well - that’s why I asked about grandmas.
Blake: Backpedal, backpedal, backpedal
March 23, 2015
Gotta Share the Cute
I took 220 pictures yesterday. Unfortunately, I was 200 pictures into my photo-snapping spree when I noticed a setting had been changed, so most of them were fairly well ruined. Happily, I still wound up with a couple of shots that make me smile even thinking about them. So I decided to share the cute. Happy Monday, all! 
Now that I know how much Skittlez enjoys his oranges, I guess I have to keep them on hand! 
The look on Shoeshine's face is priceless!
Now that I know how much Skittlez enjoys his oranges, I guess I have to keep them on hand! The look on Shoeshine's face is priceless!
March 20, 2015
Catching up and such
Hello my wonderful friends! If you detect a bit of cheer in my voice, that's because today is the first day of spring. The past few weeks have been insanely busy, even more so than usual, but I don't mind so much because my favorite season is upon me: gardening season!
Things are going well at Vox Dei, though it's sucking up the bulk of my time at the moment. Some days, it feels like I barely get through my emails, let alone tackle my ever-growing to-do list. I don't mind, though, because I know there are few people out there who truly, deeply love what they do and I'm blessed to be one of them.
I'm transitioning over my book reviewing duties at Word Menagerie for a couple of reasons, one being time. The other is that as the managing director of a publishing imprint, I really shouldn't be reviewing books still. (If you follow that blog, be sure to stop by tomorrow for an announcement!) Hopefully, once I've stopped reviewing books I'll have more time to dedicate to writing my own. I'm woefully behind my self-imposed schedule for Vance's stories and I have a whole slew of others I want to get to. Sometimes I really do wish I could just hook the computer up to my brain and think the books into existence. But I imagine I'd lose something in no longer having the brain-to-finger-to-keyboard relationship. Usually my fingers come up with things my brain never expected.
The exciting news around our house this week is that we got a new(er) vehicle. Reggie the Jeep gave us a couple of good years, but he's ready to take it a little easier now, so he's passing the baton to Oscar the Blazer. The next step in our quest to live on cash instead of credit, he's in a lot better shape than Reggie was when we bought him, so we're hoping for a good run with him. (Although Reggie was pretty impressive given his age and how danged cheap he was...) Maybe someday we'll have the cash saved for a brand-spanking-new car but I doubt it. Besides, used vehicles have character.
The boys showing off the new car. I cannot believe how big my boys are getting!
Things are going well at Vox Dei, though it's sucking up the bulk of my time at the moment. Some days, it feels like I barely get through my emails, let alone tackle my ever-growing to-do list. I don't mind, though, because I know there are few people out there who truly, deeply love what they do and I'm blessed to be one of them.
I'm transitioning over my book reviewing duties at Word Menagerie for a couple of reasons, one being time. The other is that as the managing director of a publishing imprint, I really shouldn't be reviewing books still. (If you follow that blog, be sure to stop by tomorrow for an announcement!) Hopefully, once I've stopped reviewing books I'll have more time to dedicate to writing my own. I'm woefully behind my self-imposed schedule for Vance's stories and I have a whole slew of others I want to get to. Sometimes I really do wish I could just hook the computer up to my brain and think the books into existence. But I imagine I'd lose something in no longer having the brain-to-finger-to-keyboard relationship. Usually my fingers come up with things my brain never expected.
The exciting news around our house this week is that we got a new(er) vehicle. Reggie the Jeep gave us a couple of good years, but he's ready to take it a little easier now, so he's passing the baton to Oscar the Blazer. The next step in our quest to live on cash instead of credit, he's in a lot better shape than Reggie was when we bought him, so we're hoping for a good run with him. (Although Reggie was pretty impressive given his age and how danged cheap he was...) Maybe someday we'll have the cash saved for a brand-spanking-new car but I doubt it. Besides, used vehicles have character.
The boys showing off the new car. I cannot believe how big my boys are getting!
March 13, 2015
Drum roll please...
A mom isn't supposed to have favorites. I'm not sure if the same applies to writers. I hope not, because I'm kind of partial to Vance. It's made me a little crazy how many obstacles I've hit with trying to get his story out there - sometimes it seems the entire universe is conspiring to keep these stories from happening. Or maybe it's more my own inability to focus... whatever the reason, I'm thrilled beyond words to finally be able to reveal the cover for the second installment of the Vance Davis Dossier!
Sins
Vance Davis Dossier Book 2
Vance returns to St. Louis to take down a modeling agency luring young girls into human trafficking and finds some unexpected help. At the same time, he must come to terms with his past if he’s ever going to create a future. With so much blood on his hands, is it possible to find redemption for his sins?
...That's the official description. Unofficially, this one surprised even me as I was writing it. Vance's life is getting ready to take some turns I didn't expect. One of my favorite things as a writer is watching a character's story unfold.
So keep your eyes peeled...
Sins will be available March 26, 2015!
Sins
Vance Davis Dossier Book 2
Vance returns to St. Louis to take down a modeling agency luring young girls into human trafficking and finds some unexpected help. At the same time, he must come to terms with his past if he’s ever going to create a future. With so much blood on his hands, is it possible to find redemption for his sins?
...That's the official description. Unofficially, this one surprised even me as I was writing it. Vance's life is getting ready to take some turns I didn't expect. One of my favorite things as a writer is watching a character's story unfold.
So keep your eyes peeled...
Sins will be available March 26, 2015!
