Chad Peters's Blog

For the Goodreads community

This is my debut book.

The idea is to get humor and excitement back into the world of parenting monotony. Laundry, work, dishes, sports, travel. It's exciting. (well, not the laundry and dishes part) but at the same time, overwhelming.

POB is built in 3-5 minute chapters because if you're a parent and love reading, there's a good chance you're reading it from the bathroom, with tiny fingers poking under the door.

If you know, you know.

Parenting from Out of Bounds

What an exciting time for me!

Over the last two weeks, I have released my first book out into the Wild.

It has been an incredible experience. Any of you who know me or have been a part of either of my other blog sites over the last few years know how much I love learning new things. (www.beawesome365.com, http://www.sportsdocdc.com)

Authorship is new!  It is exciting, but the process of what to do after the book is released has been very eye-opening.

About 99% of authors out there release a book and feel like they finished the race.

“Ahhh , I did it.  Grandma can order it from Kindle now. It’s real.”

I definitely had that sensation.  For about 15 minutes.

I quickly realized that what-

I thought was the finish was only the starter’s gun.

In my real life, I run a business. I look at authorship and the idea of creating books as a business. I wouldn’t have spent nearly 2 years in the process if I wasn’t serious about it.

 Just because I look at it as a business also doesn’t mean it’s fake. I stand by everything that I wrote in this book and on this page over the years.

How it came to be:

The truth is, I was struggling a bit as a parent.   We all do.   It’s real, and it happens.  Being a parent is a monster task.

I’ve always been an athlete. I understand the concepts of improvement, work, and learning from mistakes, and wanted to apply them in an area of my life that was so important that just getting by wasn’t good enough.   I deal with wiped-out parents every single day in my clinic and

Didn’t want to feel like that and Wanted to help. 

 I looked at parenting partially as a skill, knowing skills can be improved upon. I had the honest realization that I was playing JV-level parenting and needed to step up my game!

Humility, Humor, Practice, better perspectives, and improved awareness from different angles have helped me figure it out a bit and get, what I think is a great product, out on the market.   

The back cover blurb is a very true representation of how the book came to be in the first place.

“Why do I have to keep making the same mistakes that every parent has made throughout history?”

“Why isn’t this in the parenting handbook!?’ (my wife and I have always joked about the need for one.)

One day, when we were discussing this and I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, my wife said,”Why don’t you just take all these things that you write and think about and put them into a parenting handbook?”

 Well, here it is. I would love for you to check it out if you haven’t already.

Let me know what you think, and understand that this is just the first step.   I am still at a very early stage of this process, and it is really believable how deep it goes.

There are 8 and 1/2 billion people on planet Earth, and I have come to the dramatic realization that I am a lot less famous than I thought I was.

About .0000000001 humans know who I am, and probably 10% of that know that I have a book!

Haha!  Reality.

Amazon, Itunes, Barnes and Noble, and others are all quite happy to let me HAVE a book, but don’t even truly acknowledge it until you’ve received 50 reviews.   That was news. It is learning!   They don’t really even help push you until you’ve received 100!   

 This, and many things like this, I find absolutely fascinating yet at the same time frustrating because during the entire process of writing the book, as a rookie, I never even knew it existed.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I’m having fun doing this. it is something different than my day-to-day job and career as a sports-based chiropractor. It’s something I’m truly passionate about and has changed the way I see the entire industry.  I’ve made new friends, received fantastic advice, and have another “craft” to play with and hack.    I love writing, and Parenting from Out of Bounds has given me a purpose behind it.   Direction is important, even if it is a windy road full of detours and scenic bypasses!

More than anything, it is a new skill to work on and, most importantly, has made me a better husband and dad.     I hope you check it out and enjoy it!

order, review share!amazon direct link here!

Chapter 19 from the new book “Parenting from Out of Bounds” by Chad Peters

Submit to Nonsense

“You must respect my Authoriti”

-Cartman from South Park.

As parents, we all have to pick and choose what we feel is important. Teaser: Much of it is not important.

Parenting often seems to boil down to a battle of wills. You want this. She wants that. At times, we can start to sound like Cartman from South Park, “You must respect my Authoriti!” We’re in charge after all, right?

Or…at times…wrong?

Today, I let my kids sleep in for an extra five minutes. We’ve just been killing it as a family lately. Seemingly involved in everything that you can imagine. It’s the end of summer, the start of school, and as the clock ticked closer to 7 am, I started to feel the pressure rise. A few minutes later than I should have, I roused my daughters and told them, “Good morning, beautiful girls. It’s time to get up and get ready for school. I made a delicious breakfast for you, and it’s waiting for you at the kitchen table.”

Sloth-like and with the hair of a baby monkey on a greeting card, my twin daughters made their way to the kitchen table. As soon as their butts hit the chair, one of them lurched back up and said, “I need to go get my blanket.”

I already felt like we were pushing the time, and I knew her trip to the bedroom would take an additional 5 minutes. I said, “Honey, you don’t need your blanket to eat breakfast. In fact, it will probably just get dirty, and then we’ll have to wash it.”

To which she replied…

Honestly, her reply doesn’t matter. What matters is that we started a dialogue. And so begins our daily “Family Courtroom Drama Series,” where facts are presented and counteracting appeals make us feel like we’re getting somewhere. It’s a battle of attrition and willpower.

A minuscule desire to have a blanket at breakfast shouldn’t need to take on the context of a full-blown Supreme Court trial. She has her reasons, and I have mine. Surely, if we press this far enough, there would be a definitive winner and loser, with probable unnecessary tears and stress.

So I simply submitted to nonsense. I feel like it was nonsense for her to have a blanket while she was trying to eat breakfast. It was a hindrance and probably going to make a mess. In the catastrophic event of a “worst-case scenario” her blanket gets washed. It probably needs it anyway. So why start my day this way? Why start her day this way? This wasn’t a battle I was willing to engage in. 

I quickly concluded: Who CARES.

In the magical world of parenting, it seems like these little battles happen all the time. If I can be aware of this… this nonsense, and let it go, it certainly seems like my day flows a lot more smoothly. I don’t see this incident in terms of whether she won and I lost, because she got a blanket. It just wasn’t important enough to argue over. I doubt we’ll ever think of it again.

It’s not about winning or losing, who’s right and who’s wrong, or even, “At my house, you will live by my rules!” It’s a matter of, “Is there something (and in this case “nothing”) that can help make my day and my daughter’s day go more smoothly?” 

We only have so many “shits to give?” I choose to save mine for things that truly matter.

Often, I’ll use the perspective change idea from Chapter 5 which allows me to see what is simply absurd. In this case… “What would my parents (my kid’s grandparents) think about this argument and dialogue back and forth about a blanket at breakfast?” I don’t know about your parents, but mine would laugh.

They would enjoy it like a Tuesday night sitcom. Age, experience, and distance have given them the ability to look at the entire thing from a different angle. And it’s all baloney.

A similar nonsensical circumstance arose with my 8th grader last night. A fake Instagram account was created and attempted to expose all kinds of silly rumors of the inner workings of middle school. His name was on it.

“Kid X is getting his ears pierced. Kid Z put a burrito in the toilet. This girl thinks this guy is hot.” It went on and on.

Each hour a new “rumor” would be posted. It was obvious that it was all in jest and meant to be funny.  It was 8th grade satire. My son and his friends thought it was hilarious, and the mystery of the “culprit” was a huge topic of discussion among the whole school. 

The school principal, however, did not find the humor! She was very concerned things would get out of hand, quickly turn to cyber-bullying, and spent the evening calling each parent of those mentioned.

So I asked my son to unfollow the account, and if the principal talked to him in the morning, just let her know it was over. It was a 37-second discussion. I told him, “Your principal is concerned this could get out of hand, and it’s nonsense. It’s probably just best to drop this one. Maybe suggest to your friends to do the same. Obviously it’s a big point of concern for your principal, and there is no reason to stress her out more.”

“Yeah, okay dad. You know it was just meant to be funny, right?”

“Yep. Are you fine being done with it, or would you like to see this one play out?” 

“It’s already ‘unfollowed’ dad, I’m done.”

No drama, no debate, no wasted time on strange middle school lectures of “what ifs” and “ultra-low possibilities.” Nothing gained, and nothing lost. It was over, because it was senseless!

As parents, we live our lives with a series of structures and rules. So it gets uncomfortable when our kids, spouse, and other family members push beyond our delegated norms. It even gets uncomfortable when our days don’t go as we had them planned.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff. ” And to me, most of the “stuff” is actually small in the grand scheme. This cliche might be boring, but it sure helps prevent unnecessary drama.

I can easily imagine the world and how much better we would be in America if the news started with a Ron Burgandy type anchor who said, “This just in…hell, you know what, Veronica? This is just nonsense. Let’s move on to something that has a real impact.”

Awareness Point: Parenthood will present you with insignificant scenarios every single day. Be mindful not to add more to the mountain by micromanaging and being in control of every aspect. Concentrate on spending your energy on the important matters, and brush the daily nonsense aside.

Hey guys, Chad here.

I hope that chapter brought a smile to your face, make you giggle, but also made you realize that so much of what we deal with on a day-to-day basis, if looked at from just a little bit of unique angle can really make big difference.

If you’d like this chapter, I think you’re going to really like the book. It’s available right now at Amazon both as a Kindle or the paper back. I appreciate all the help and support along the way. It has been a very exciting and interesting adventure.

If you really want to help, reviews are the analytics most looked at via Amazon and Kindle so, leave a review. It only takes about 30 seconds, and it really helps me out. That and sharing it with your friends goes a long way. I know there’s a lot of parents that need a second just to take a deep breath and relax. That’s what the entire book . “Parenting from Out of Bounds” is all about.

Yeah, But… = Exactly, and…

I hear it often, “Your kids grow up to be a version of you.”.

Well, I’m living it.

My oldest is a sophomore in high school and although I have accepted the fact that arguing and coming up with an alternative explanation to your parents is in fact a survival trait and developmental stepping stone for a young adolescents, it doesn’t make it an easier to deal with.

Even if my kid agrees with what I am saying he still finds a reason to say “Yeah, but..”

I remember his older cousin Alex had an alternative version but classically the same thing – He used to start every sentence out with, “Actually…“

I know where they get it. From Me.

The last two weeks in my clinic has been some of the toughest weeks in my career. It’s been very soul sucking and has got me down. Nothing has really changed, I’m just in a rut – I need a new perspective. Awareness leads to perspective change, but man…I can’t seem to find it.

I just feel that my patients lately have been outdated and have misinformation and that it is my duty to instill the proper and modern version of their mistakes. They are using heat when it should be ice, stretching when they should be contracting, not doing anything and hoping for results…the same thing I’ve seen for over a decade. (see SportsDocDC)

It’s a dragging on me and I caught myself consistently saying to my clients this week, “Yeah, but…”.

Sometimes not even that. Sometimes just I straight up told them they were wrong.

While doing notes on one of these clients and rolling my eyes into the back of my head, recalling a conversation I’ve done a million times, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that one of the whiteboards on my wall had permanently etched, “yeah, but…= exactly, and…”

I must have written it while teaching an intern, or thinking about something that I came up to show my kids one day or some other creative outlet that I needed one time.

Anyway, it hits and it still rings true. Why fight? Agree and then add. There is a better way.

Why start out a conversation with an opposing view? It’s an automatic shutdown and stressor. Nobody hears anything following that opener because we go on defense mode.

Much like a compliment sandwich, there is just a better way to communicate with other human beings.

The world needs more kindness, this is a very simple way to get your point across one not being a jerk about it.

How to Start Your day off with a WIN!

All right, this might sound a little bit crazy and seem too easy, but I’m telling you I have the secret to a good day and especially a great weekend.

The Zen Master’s secret to all days,

It’s real and I highly recommend it.

This goes for anyone, but this is a specific shout-out for my dads.

There’s just a lot going on in our life. We don’t have it nearly as tough as our wives, but if you are like me, we often have that nagging sense of guilt in the back of our heads.

“I should be spending more time with my kids.” Or when spending time that we thought would be with our kids, and our kids aren’t hanging out with us -thinking, “I should be at work.”

“There’s housework that needs to be done.”

“I should mow the yard.”

“I’ve been meaning to build that shed out back.”

If you’re like me, there is a continually expanding collection on your “To-Do checklist” of life.

There are many articles, stories, and blogs about changing your checklist – about finding and evaluating what is more valuable and meaningful in an attempt to streamline your life. The one minute rule, knowing when to say, “No” etc.

This is not that article. In fact, it may be a 90° angle to that article.

I think it is imperative to start out every single day, especially on the weekend, with some success.

Something you can say, “I did it.” and ride that dopamine boost for an hour or so.  

It’s crucial that you check something off that list or simply complete an extra thing you just came up with to start out every weekend.  

It sets the stage for more success;

and is like a kid going 4 for 4 at the plate in softball, You need to taste that first minute of victory to truly get the run going.  

Over the years of running this experiment, I’ve come to the realization that it’s absolutely imperative to start with something easy like “Make pancakes and don’t burn them.” or “Hammer back in the nails in the fence that have retracted over the summer.”

You know…”Guaranteed Wins.” You need a meatball to hit out of the park so set yourself up.   As you see small successes and start compiling little wins, pay attention to how they trickle into your life and make your entire weekend flow, only then should you tackle more significant projects.

My buddy Bob the tortoise and I crushing the backyard hole and maybe even making him a new little play area.

Today, for example, I took down the Christmas lights.

Win.

and dug a hole halfway to China in a successful effort to remove a stump from a dead tree that had been mocking me for 18 months.

Win.

As I’m driving to work, I’m dictating this article.

WIN.

Let me tell you. I know it’s summertime; the Christmas lights should have already been taken down, but that’s small fries and that’s not the point at all.

They are down now.  Check!

The impossible stump is gone. Check.

A new exotic fruit tree is going to go on into that hole.  Check.

And I haven’t even started my day yet.

Can you imagine how much better it is for me and how significantly better it will be for the patients I’ll see… that I feel successful?

My typical Weekend goes like this:

Sports are going crazy, we had to be everywhere 5 minutes ago, and shoes are still missing. Did you forget water?  Gas? Shinguards?  The lawn looks a bit shaggy; fishing, sleepovers, boat rides… You will have a dozen small failures. Bee stings, cereal for breakfast because you didn’t make anything worthwhile, your kid may strike out, ice cream flops on the floor, a mandatory party with your wife’s friends that you don’t want to go to.. lots of stuff.

So make sure that you control the start. Then, ensure that you have some success with something that says, “I crossed off something on my gigantic list of things to do.”

The only thing I will be sure to tell you is it must be something quick and easy with a very low failure rate.  Make it a 10 to 15-minute project max. 

Because if you have kids, you live in the same reality as I do. Suppose you decide to build a shed to store your lawnmower, kid’s bikes, and chainsaw. I can promise you things will come up during your day that stall or even completely stop your project. This leads to stress and a feeling of something lingering. We have enough things lingering as parents. So don’t start the day by adding another. Instead, start out with an Easy Win!

 I’ve talked about it in a couple of different articles. We all have this idea of how the weekend will turn out. We have a plan. But nothing ever goes according to plan, and perfect is an impossible parameter. It just can’t happen. 

Trying to get my fourth grader to read is a chore. He hates it. Yet last night, I caught him reading a newspaper. It was over an hour he did this, I think he read every single paragraph and asked me to read with him. Do you think I will tell him to stop or not pay attention so I can build a shed?- no way!

I’ve been waiting for this moment for ten years. 

Nothing will ever go according to plan, so at least start your day with some version of success.

It sounds easy.  It is easy.   It also works.

 It set’s the mood for a much better day and weekend.  At the end of the day, small successes such as digging out a stump or making pancakes probably give the brain the same sense of accomplishment as finishing a masterpiece or rebuilding an engine.

So use this hack as a surefire way to set your brainwaves to smooth sailing and better days.

Why do my kids love OPF?

My brother and I shared a best friend when we were little named Steve VanWinkle. 

He’s a great guy.  I have a million memories with him as well as a little inside knowledge. 

That being said, his parents always had the best snacks.  Pringles, Burritos, these local tacos called Tino’s Tacos…they were the bomb. 

It was a well-known neighborhood fact that when his parents were at work, his place was the house to snack. 

Games were at our house because we had the giant yard but snack time, treats, food?  They were at his place. 

Because his parents were at work in the summer it was an understood rule that we didn’t have to knock to enter, just “come on in!”  So, we’d rush in, possibly say, “Hi!” then promptly raid the cupboards and fridge.  

The weird part was that the snacks at his place always tasted better. 

My parents had snacks too.  It’s not like the only place we’d find Bugles was at Steve’s home. But, for some reason, it just was better over there.

I’d eat anything.   Imitation Crabs sticks by the dozen, girl scout cookies, Mystery Dips in Tupperware, anything I could get at.  Looking back, just exploring cupboards in a kitchen that wasn’t mine was half the fun.  It was like the “Goonies” movie, where the treasure hunt was as much the experience as the jewels.

So, it should come as no surprise that when I was looking through the shelves and drawers at my clinic today and ran into a coworker’s secret stash, I was like a kid again. 

Other People’s Food (OPF) is just plain… BETTER.   I don’t know why.  It just is. 

I giggled like a kid as I vacuumed down her Sun Chips and dude?!   Have you tried Cookie Butter yet?  Insane!  There was even an entire bag of shelled pistachios.  I mean, the challenging work was even done for me!

I mentioned to my buddy Luke the idea of OPF as we’ve come to call it and how it just straight up, tastes better.  Through a mouthful of pistachios he told me, “Of coursh it doesh… everybody knowsh that.”

I hadn’t realized this was an actual “life fact” before now and I was rather shocked.

It shouldn’t surprise me though.  It’s common knowledge that kids like OPT way better than their own.   Other People’s Toys is no longer even a hypothesis or theory.   Modern science reclassified OPT as a common “Parenting Law” a decade or so ago and is constantly being re-proven again and again in the field. 

I recall my twin girls playing with a dollhouse at their friend Aly’s house in Omaha one summer.  You couldn’t get them out of Aly’s room for four days.  Santa figured this out and brought it to them that winter where in 3 years I believe they possibly played with it only once.  I could be wrong though, it’s completely possible that all they actually did was throw a matchbox car at it where it was promptly stuck behind the bed. 

OPT is real and now too, is my idea of OPF.  

I think OPF is most enjoyed during the Holidays, hence this article’s original holiday release.  I know around Christmas, y’all will be out enjoying creme cheese glopped with pepper jelly on a Triscuit as “cultural food,” so enjoy.  Hell, you didn’t have to make it.   Smokies in BBQ sauce?  Cheese ball? 

“Oh, your cheese ball is delicious, you’ve got to get me the recipe.” 

For what?   Have you ever made a cheese ball on a Wednesday in July?   

37 cookies last night?  Only because it’s at your friend’s house.   OPF is true “food for thought” (grandpa pun intended).  

If nothing else, OPF will give you a sly smile or chuckle at your next house party.  

I like to imagine that the idea of OPF is actually a gateway term to a better life.  

Use it as a gift from me to you, that lets you make better decisions and appreciate another reason it’s good to have friends.

Take it as a compliment when your kid’s friends raid your house and understand that the favor is being returned when they are away.

If there is anything VanWinkle taught me all those years ago, it’s to enjoy the fruits and bounty of your friends to the maximum, because things with friends is almost always better!

Our Family’s “One Minute Rule.”

One minute or less? Yes!

If you see something that needs to be done

AND

It takes less than one minute to do

You are hereby OBLIGATED TO DO IT.  RIGHT NOW.

If you don’t and it fits the above criteria, you’re cheating.

This is often but is not excluded to:

Picking up shoes, hugging your kids, complimenting a new outfit, cleaning up the fast food packages in your car, hanging up your clothes, wiping the toilet seat off, that piece of paper on the ground, kissing your wife, taking the trash that is full, out and any and all others that may come up.

More than one minute stuff like:  Taking the Christmas lights down, The dishes, vacuuming, writing a love letter, rearranging the front room, catching up on your taxes, planning a vacation, family game night, finding your youngest son’s lost matching shoe…

These projects takes more than one minute and a little planning and think-thru will most likely better structure your day.  Complete these “minute+” work when it benefits you and your life.

However, if it takes less than one minute, you have to do it.   

This rule starts NOW.

Blame vs. Resposibility

Probably the best book I have read in the last 15 years (and I’ve read thousands) is Jeff Olsen’s “Slight Edge.”

This book will be THE most Gifted book in my lifetime.  Meaning, I will give this book to friends, family and graduates etc.

I devoured this book in about 2 days my first time through.  It’s such a simple concept the entire book can be summed up in about a page, heck, summed up with a single picture!   

Utterly Simplistic in design, Jeff goes on throughout the book with multiple real life examples that make his BIG IDEA stick.

I am now on my second time through the book. This time I read a page or two at a time.  Sometimes it’s just a paragraph.

I am wanting to just “get” one concept at a time, and just let it sink in.

Today, it was a single sentence.

Allow me to share.

Basically he recalls research over decades, looking into where people feel like they are in their life.  Measured in terms of  “successful or unsuccessful.”

Yep, it all boils down to two words, which just so happen to translate directly to happy or not happy.

Those that consider themselves successful repeatedly used the word RESPONSIBLE as they described how they got to where they were. 

As opposed to those that unsuccessful and unhappy repeatedly laid BLAME on others or other events.

Two words.  Basically, a mindset.

The ENTIRETY of life was due directly to their responsibility or the fault of other people in their lives.

The concept really stuck.  I can think of at least Two people in my life that are 100% stuck in this quandary right now.  They are blaming others for their misery. They refuse to take responsibility for their spot in life.

And by two I mean about 2000.

Like I said, one sentence was enough for today.

I let that idea brew all day long.    I applied the idea while at work in my clinic.

For those of you new to the Texas Zoo Crew, I’m a sports based chiropractor.  People come to me for their pains and stresses.   My back hurts, I have a sore elbow etc.  But we talk.  There is a lot of psychology that happens on my clinic.   My clients talk about EVERTYTHING!  -so many aspects of life.  Health, money, relationships, sports performance.   This idea is broad spectrum and applies to everything.

Easy example from today in the clinic:

Does your bum knee really hurt because you had a crappy therapist, terrible surgeon and no rehab that worked and it will always just be your crutch to bear?

OR

Is it because you never did a thing yourself to help your own recovery.    You went three times a week to rehab but never did the stuff you were told to do at home and just basically gave up?

I don’t know?  I’m just asking.    

Are you broke because you have a crappy job and your boss is an idiot and your co workers are backstabbers and keep you from getting noticed or are you in a rut and just never shop around for something better and spend your money on lattes, red bull and six packs every day?

Are you riding the bench during football games because the coach doesn’t notice you and the popular kids get the positions and the mayor’s kid gets special favors from the staff or did you not pick up a weight all summer and some stud Sophomore kid is driven and pushed himself to get better?

Look, I get it – crazy terrible stuff happens in life.  Things I can’t imagine or put myself in your shoes about.  I dont know you so it’s impossible for me to. I understand that Accidents, Disease, War, Bankruptcy..LIFE happens differently to different people.

But how do you handle it?

Some of the most successful and “making it rain” cash pouring hand gesture fools have gone bankrupt.

Presidents have emerged from War.

Some of the strongest Humans I’ve ever met have been in horrible accidents.

Even when it truly was someone else’s fault or a random act of Nature…

It’s how they handle what life dishes out to them that directs their next steps and consequently sets the course of their entire path.

You’ve heard of  the path called life?  Exactly. Lots of steps and decisions.

Blame is easy.

Responsibility is equally… just as easy.

It’s such a simple applicable decision to make. 

And it is THE decision that makes all the difference.  The difference in what direction you progress, your point of view and most importantly in RESULTS.

It applies to a lot…of life.

So what does this have to do with Parenting? 

Everything. It’s a key lesson and one I feel is quite possibly THE MOST IMPORTANT lesson I have taught our children.

It makes them consider life. It gives them the control that kids from 5 – 75 years old are striving for.

OK, it doesn’t work all the time. Of course it’s their responsibility when the bowl of Fruity Pebbles falls into their lap because they we watching a squirrel outside, yet probably not the time to remind them.

But it also works for me. How I parent. Why I give a damn. And more importantly, HOW I Respond if it’s not something I like. I don’t have to throw a Facebook fit or a 1-star Yelp review. It’s my responsibility, even when others are at fault, on how I handle it.

“Blame vs. Responsibility” changed my world. I hope it helps you with yours.

Want vs. need – word swap #19

“Want vs. need” is another in my lifelong compiling of what I lovingly refer to as “word swaps.”

I love word swaps. They are simple and easy to use and make a difference the first time you try them out. In fact, on my beawesome365 website and podcast, I probably have a dozen of them at this point.

My favorite of all time is a lesson a young girl taught me about excitement versus nervousness. (next week’s post)

I think this is one that everyone should teach their kids.

This one is “want vs. need” and how to use it in several different ways. It’s not a unique thing. Almost every parent will use this one way or another while raising kids.

“You don’t need to eat. You’re not starving; you want to eat because you’re a little bit hungry.”

“You don’t need a new pair of shoes. You want a new pair of shoes. “

That’s typically how it is used, and I’m sure you have used it this way in your life. If not, do so. It’s beneficial when trying to create a new diet and healthy routine. “I want to go home and sleep, but I probably need to get a decent workout and eat better.”

But I’m talking about using it in a new way. From a different perspective.

Today Monica, my sports rehab therapist, was talking to me about one of the classes that she is taking at the University. The professor spoke to her about handling people with disabilities, and he brought up a unique way of dealing with the want vs. need scenario.

His example was when asking somebody about help. The professor used a story of a special-needs person working hard to walk up a hill at a college.

Other students coming up behind him could tell he was struggling. The initial thought was to ask this person if they needed help. But the students were nervous about offending him.

The idea was- if the person was working hard to rehabilitate an injury and had to relearn walking. Just by Word swapping, “Do you want any help?” You take the potential irritation and annoyance.

Monica showed me how that would work in my office. She is my therapy assistant. If I say to her, “I want your help with this next hour.” It would smooth things over much easier than saying, “I need you to do this.” It simply sets a different tone and politeness of how we relate to each other.

I’m going to cut this one short. I could add another 2 to 3 minutes of things for you to read, but I think it’s more the style of “word swaps” to lay the foundation out there and leave it up to you guys to figure out what to do with it.

For you authors out there reading my stuff, maybe kind of new to my style…”Yeah guys, I could use a little help here…please!”

Play with “Want vs. need” in your life!

Happiness is as easy as a Mental Hug?

An interesting thing happened to me the other day on what could have been a typical commute to work. I went to find a new podcast, someone or something I hadn’t heard before. This was the title that jumped out to me. Unfortunately, this title seemed pretty farfetched and fake.

 I am always interested in the modern view of psychology, how to create, maintain and be aware of life in order to get more happiness.

TheTexasZooCrew is pretty new, and although it’s still unpopular, it serves its purpose for me and occasionally for somebody else.

 I was looking for something new in my podcast world and came across an episode entitled “How to create instant happiness nearly 100% of the time in just seconds per day.”

When I see titles like this, it almost always comes across as clickbait, yet I still typically click it despite knowing with certainty the artificial intelligence that surrounds my world via social media, Siri and Alexa knows me only too well.

 Why am I interested in instant happiness?   

Because I have an entire platform – (beAwesome365) www.beawesome365.com And one for sports performance (SportsDocDC) http://www.sportsdocdc.com, and this one built for the exact same idea – but as parents! (TexasZooCrew) http://www.thetexaszoocrew.com

Happiness counts!

It’s unbelievable to me that over the last few years, these tiny little steps I have made in my life, despite individually seeming insignificant, over time have created a ripple effect that is nothing short of astonishing.

My life is much less stressful and more fulfilling than just a few years ago.    I was never miserable but just stressed. Exhausted!

Four kids, 27 pets, six sports and a busy career will do that to a guy.   

But now, despite not really having 1 magical trick or tip, I can assure you that my life is exponentially Improved!   

 I think it’s some of these little tips and tricks that I  discover, research, experiment with and listen to with that has done it.  Not one thing, but a bunch of different tools that I can use based on circumstances. So I play with it. If it works for me, I share it.

So knowing that I figured even a clickbait title like “Instant happiness guaranteed” was worth my 8 minutes.

Here’s the gist.

The co-hosts briefly talked about dopamine and the chemical cascade in your brain that causes a “feel good sensation,” as well as the addictive properties that our body creates for this.  

(caveman voice) “DAD feel good, dad want MORE feel good.”  

They added the notion and reality of modern science that the brain basically doesn’t favor real life over imagination. We can use that intel as a hack to create our own happiness.   This is natural science and real psychology.  It works from everything from a smile to performance enhancement in the super bowl.  

Here’s the drill.

Imagine yourself as a kid.   Then, for an instant dial-up, picture yourself between 5-8 years old.

Get details.   The shirt you’re wearing, scuffed up Levi’s, what your hair was like. Etc.   

Picture this “younger you” from the perspective of your modern-day self seeing him or her through your modern self’s eyes.   

I imagine myself seeing young Chad on our elementary school playground.   Dusty shirt, messy hair, standing on one of the big tire Mountains we had.  Little Chad is sitting there looking at their future self with a little 8-year-old smile on.  He’s got a green shirt that must be made of terry cloth (weird) with a white and red stripe across the front.  He’s missing one tooth up front but has a big one, filling the gap nicely.   Little Chad also sports a sort of moppy, bowl-style haircut, similar to some of the guys from the pic above.

Ok, here’s where it gets funky.

Really get a good image of your younger self in your mind from that point of view.

Now…

Imagine giving your younger self a hug.  Really.  Your brain doesn’t know this is imagination. Ok it knows, it doesn’t care. It feels the same and has the same chemical and neural reaction.  

So go over there and give that little kid a hug.

Can you feel that person?  Bony shoulders? Skinny, chubby? Fine hair, Smells like a weird mix Crest and apples? Maybe the kid hugs you back, maybe not.  But take 5 seconds and just feel younger you.

Now, tell that kid that things turn out OK.   Just hug him or her and tell them, “Look, there’s a few scary times, there’s some ups and downs, but you’re going to have a thousand adventures.  We turn out pretty good.  We have a CAR! We live a good life.”

I tried it.

I felt a little silly.   For about 3 seconds.

But then something weird happened. 

First, I felt an electric chill go up my spine.  Then, I felt warmth spread through my face, and a smile from nowhere appear.   

Holy shit!   It worked.  Instant happiness. 

Not the thing I feel when I hit “purchase” on Amazon or buy a pair of shoes but a real feeling. Palpable.

And here’s the deal.  It gets easier each time you do it.   The podcast suggested doing this 3-5x a week, but lately I’ve caught myself doing it a few times per day.

Sometimes it’s young me I described.  Often, however, it’s high school “football me” all padded up in the locker room hallway. Just before heading out onto the field for a game,  I can feel the pads and smell the jersey.  This young adult looks me in the eyes before heading out to score a touchdown! Despite being on the top of the world, He needed that hug. I needed it too.

Sometimes it’s me from my middle 20’s Fresh off a terrible romantic breakup that I was sure would ruin my life.  This guy is depressed and confused.  He NEEDs that hug.  It’s get’s him off his butt and moving forward.

Sometimes it’s not a hug at all but a high five like I’m a star in a beer commercial just seconds before my soon-to-be wife rounds the corner of her house on our wedding day years ago. Modern Chad and wedding day Chad feel the excitement and joy at the exact same time all over again!

 All kinds of Chads from all eras and emotions. I think it’s real. It’s making me happy but also rewiring my brain. It’s helped my memory, imagination, and emotional wellbeing.

It feels So. Damn. Great!

I take 30 seconds a few times daily to connect with myself on a different plane.  Bypassing the laws of space and time, yet damn near every time, it works for a quick jolt of dopamine, a smile, and a blast of happiness.

Maybe it’s just me.  But I only share this because I think someone out there might also like the idea. It works for me, and perhaps it works for you as well.   That’s the whole idea of BeAwesome365 and why I keep coming up with reasons to post a new podcast or article, typically a day or two after I decide I’m done with it forever.

I just never know if I will catch somebody at the right time and something sticks.