Maria Hammarblad's Blog, page 33

Wednesday Funny!

We have moved in! High five! There's still about a million unpacked boxes and I don't know where everything is, but all our stuff is out of the rental and I've returned the keys. I will consider that success!

I'm still too scatterbrained to really write anything, but I found this hilarious picture I'd love to share. It made me laugh out loud this morning, maybe it will do the same for you. =)

Home sweet home!

You know how stressed out I've been about the house? Well, everyone did their very best for me, and even though we had to postpone closing from 10:30 AM to 5 PM yesterday, it happened!

Once they figured out all the numbers I just had enough time to rush to the bank and make a wire transfer for the closing costs before racing to the closing location. I still barely believe it's true - this is the first place I've been to since I moved to the US where I feel completely at home.

I've fought for it; even dabbled as an AC technician to make it pass inspection, and I don't know the first thing about air conditioning, LOL! It needs a little TLC, but who cares. It feels like home!



 

Who put all this stuff in our cupboards? LOL!

I should write an eloquent blog about writing. With moving on my mind, that's not happening. My mind is filled with neat cardboard boxes. Reality is somewhat different...

Packing is clearly not one of my stronger sides. I put two things in a box, get distracted by something, and forget that I was packing. To distract myself from the need to do it, I started looking for funny stories about other people bad at it. You have to read this one about a woman who packed everything in trash bags. I'm not that bad...

Luckily, hubby turned out to be a packing machine. I went to work this morning and when I came home the living room held a pile of boxes containing everything from the kitchen. He even marked them!

I wonder how we can have collected so much stuff. All this junk can't be ours. *cough* I think some little elves run in at night and fill up the closets. That must be it, right?

I imagine the move to look something like this, but with doggies instead of kids.  =D

I think my bank is trying to kill me. LOL.

So... closing on our new home is scheduled for Thursday this week. Thursday at 10:30. So far so good - or that's what I thought. The bank just called me and said, "Hey, we're going through the final phase in your loan, but we're not quite done yet, and we need to postpone closing. Is Monday good for you?"

I said, "No, I can't accept that. The house I've been renting is sold. I have to get out of it. If we don't close now I'll have to store everything I own and find a hotel for me and my family."

Besides that, I've taken time off from work. I've planned with the dogs, scheduled a moving truck, moving help, ordered move of utilities, address change, have handymen coming over, scheduled a delivery of a new bed, and a million other things normal people who don't work in a bank has to deal with.

There was a long silence on the other end. Thus far I've had to say, "No, I can't accept that" three times this week, and it's only Tuesday.

He finally said, "Oh... Well, I need a copy of your marriage certificate to verify your name change. Can you have that to me in ten minutes?"

I try to think happy thoughts about people around me, but this time I thought, "You're an idiot."

It wasn't a very nice thing to think. I've never talked to this man before and he was doing his best to be pleasant and helpful. He has had nothing to do with my loan up until this point, and probably won't in the future either. But anyway...

Seriously; they've worked on my documents for two months. We've had this closing date set for a month. Now you realize you need the marriage certificate, and you need it within ten minutes? I'm at work. You know this - you're calling on my work phone. Why would I have this at work?

Do people usually store their marriage certificates at work? Am I peculiar, keeping it at home?

I was really good. There's been so much back and forth with this house, the loan, the seller, repairs someone requires and everyone refuses to do, and so on, I'm on the verge of snapping.I kept my mouth closed and raced home to get the document.

Luckily I have a wonderful employer who puts up with antics like this and I don't live far away, but I'm sure going there, grabbing the papers, going back to the office, scanning and uploading them took more than ten minutes.

At this point I require a miracle for everything to come together. I've spent the afternoon pleading with the title company and the bank. (Both claim the other haven't sent the documents in on time.) I'm still working out of the assumption that everything will work out and we will close on Thursday. The title company is on board with the plan now. Hopefully, the bank will be too.

Attempts of rescue...

There's a stray dog in my neighborhood, and I want to save her so bad. She breaks my heart and I can't stop thinking about her. 
Every night she stands at one of the houses across the street with her nose pressed against the door, wagging her tail. Sometimes she stands up and peeks in through the windows. They want nothing to do with her. They shoo her away. Still, she keeps coming back every day.
These people only speak Spanish. Unfortunately, I don't. I think the dog only understands Spanish too.
Every evening, I go across the road and sit on their driveway, talking to the dog, and tossing her little pieces of food. At first she was terrified of me and kept her distance. Then she dared come a little closer, and a little closer. Last night she was brave enough to come up and sniff my fingers.
I'm so close to gaining her confidence, but I'm moving in three days. Will there be enough time?
She is beautiful. She looks like a Rhodesian Ridgeback. We've only met in the dark and at a distance so I don't know if she has the ridge or not, but her face, body, and tail looks just like one. I've heard that they are extremely loyal. She sure is - much more loyal than these people deserve.
I don't know what to do with her if I manage to get her. We already have four dogs, two of which don't get along. In my heart I think there's always room for one more. Hubby's not as convinced. If I can get her, maybe I can at least get her to a rescue, find someone to care for her.
She's beautiful. She doesn't deserve to be out in the city all alone. Where does she sleep? What does she eat? I want her to have a soft, comfortable, and safe bed. I want her to be fed every day. I want her to have people who love her and get her toys.

Please, whatever forces in the universe might be on my side, give me the ability to rescue her!

Sunday funnies!

Some of my favorite funnies! =D

Sunday reflection

I've been quiet this week. There's so much going on in my life I don't have any energy left to write even a blog. LOL! I want to finish up the re-release of Wrath of the Goddess, but it probably won't happen until after the move.

The move... Closing on our new home is scheduled to Thursday. If it'll happen or not is still in the stars. I've overcome more obstacles than anyone wants to hear about and even had to play AC technician to get the house through inspections. After managing to fix something I know zilch about I thought it would finally be downhill.

By now, I think the Universe is teasing me. It keeps tossing new obstacles in my way to see if I'm persistent enough to make it, or if I'll give up. Nothing you really want comes easy, right?

The last obstacle appeared this morning in the form of my employer's new payroll service. I need one final pristine paystub to appease the bank. Somehow, they've managed to lose almost $200. I need the money, of course, but I need the document even more.

I don't have all that much experience with US Payroll services, but I've spent enough time talking to our previous one to know that nothing comes easy. There's always a million bureaucratic reasons to why something can't be done. I'm guessing they've messed something up with my taxes, health insurance, or maybe the holiday pay for July 4th... Whatever it might be, I'm sure they won't just agree to fix it and issue a new document.

This time, however, I can't afford to be too nice and understanding. They have to fix it, because I have to have it. I might have to go down to their office and sit on them until someone brings out a typewriter and does it manually. LOL!

Why the big deal, you might ask? Well, if the closing has to be postponed because of their blunder, we'll have to store all our stuff and live in a hotel, because we have to be out of this rental by end of month. This time there's no wiggle room.

I'd better get off the computer and get back to packing. It's fascinating how much stuff I've managed to collect during my few years in the US! Hopefully I'll be back by the computer soon, with good news.

Liza O'Connor's Crazy Blog Tour!

Maria: Today we have Sam, Trent's driver from Worst Week Ever. He's supposed to give us the scoop on all the main characters. I hope he shows.


Maria: This must be him now.

Sam: Hey Maria. If I had know how pretty you are, I would have arrived a few hours early.

Maria: Be still my heart.  *takes a deep breath* So why a painting instead of a picture?
Sam: Not sure. Either Liza can't afford to buy pictures--she's a starving author, you know-- or she just likes to paint.  You like?
Maria: No complaints, just wondering.  You know, you kind of resemble--


Sam: Don't even go there. I in no way resemble Trent. I'm a real man, not some pampered Lord Fauntleroy.  

Maria: I'll grant you, you look more approachable, but you do have the same forehead, blue eyes, jaw shape. 
Sam: What I don't have is a billion dollars, a penthouse or a Long Island Estate. However, I do know how to treat a lady to a good time. *eyes Maria with interest*
Maria: I'm married.
Sam: *grins and gives a slight shrug*
Maria: So talk about your relationship with--
Sam: the ladies?
Maria: No, with Trent.
Sam: *sighs and props feet on the coffee table* Master Trent. What's there to say? Even with a billion reasons to like him, women don't. Guess how many of his dates I've seduced.
Maria: I've no idea.
Sam*crosses his arms*  Forty-two.  And mind you the seduction occurs while I'm driving Master Trent and his date around town.
Maria: How is that even possible?
Sam: I stare at them in the rear view mirror

Sam: Then seal the deal while helping them out of car. I know every sensitive spot on a woman's body.  Then after a crappy evening with Trent, he'll ask me to take them home while he goes to a bar and cries about his inability to seduce a woman.

Maria:  And they fall for you?
Sam: I wouldn't sayfall for me. Most of these ladies are starlets or models. They see me as their tasty reward after a god awful date.
Maria: That doesn't sound very satisfying. Do these relationships go anywhere?
Sam: Honestly? They aren't satisfying and they  go nowhere. The only enjoyment I get out them is proving I can get what Master Trent can't, despite all his money.
Maria: Maybe you should forget about Trent's dates and find a young woman you actually like.
Sam: Mars said the same thing.
Maria: Who's that?
Sam: The Penthouse butler.


He was my captain when I fought in the war. He became Master Trent's butler a few years ago. He's probably the best butler in the entire country. I was shocked when Master Trent actually had the brains to hire him.

Maria: So are you going to follow his advice to find someone not related to Trent?
Sam: I have to. Trent has stopped dating. He's obsessing over Carrie now.


She's very pretty, but looks too young for Trent.

Sam: She does, but I checked her passport. She's 24. The incompatibility is that she's middle class and smart.
Maria: Excuse me, but isn't that a handcuff on her wrist.
Sam: Yeah she's prone to getting into trouble, too.  But what she isn't is an easy seduction.
Maria: You seduced Carrie?
I tried, but she barely even noticed. However, to be fair, my heart wasn't in it. Unlike all the other women, she actually likes Trent and forgives him when he's being a jerk. She honestly thinks he has potential to one day become a good boss and a great man.
Maria: And you don't.
Sam: *Shook his head* Master Trent was a jerk the day I first met him and remains so to this day. I'll grant you he's nicer when he's around Carrie, and since he's kept her at his side 24/7 during this crazy week, he's shown improvement, but my money says when she leaves his side, he returns to being a jerk. It's his natural state of being.
Maria: For Carrie's sake I hope you're wrong.
*Sam's phone buzzes and he answers it*
Sam: What?...Having sex with a beautiful woman. What do you need?...   Be there in twenty. *hangs up phone* That was Master Trent. He needs me to pick him up at his penthouse and drive him two block to work...on my day off. Well,  that's the life of the nameless, downtrodden servants who serve the rich.
Maria: Thank you for coming. And I wish you luck in finding a woman to truly suit you.
Sam: *takes her extended hand and brings it to his lips.* It's been a true pleasure meeting you, Maria. I wish we had more time.
Maria: Still married.
Sam: I'd show you how irrelevant that is, only I've got to go


Maria: Well, that man is pretty certain of himself. Guess I'll have to read the book to see how it turns out for all of them. Now where did I put... Aah, there it is!


Worst Week Everby Liza O'ConnorNew Adult, Humor, Contemporary
BLURB
What do you get when you put a hardworking, can-do middle-class young woman together with a egoistical, outrageous, billionaire boss, then throw in the worst week of disasters imaginable?Book 1 of the 3 book series A Long Road to Love.
Worst Week Ever.
Trent Lancaster spends one month without his Executive Assistant, or as his drivers refers to Carrie: 'Trent's brain, left hand, and right hand'. He's had a miserable month without her at his side and to ensure it never happens again, he intends to marry his brilliant beauty. Only given all the times he's threatened to fire her, he's not sure she even likes him. However, the future of his company and his happiness depend upon him succeeding, so Trent begins a slow one week seduction that happens to coincide with Carrie's Worst Week Ever when everything that can go wrong does so in hilarious form.
(Hilarious to the reader--Carrie is not having much fun this week.)
EXCERPT
The door burst open and Trent strode in, followed by a man dressed in a black suit, carrying a tray of food. “Good, you’re finally awake. Saves me from having to throw cold water on you.”
Trent sat on her bed as he pointed to the desk. “Put her breakfast there.”
“On the one of a kind, heirloom desk, which has been in your family since 1845?” his butler asked.
“Yes.”
“No!” Carrie yelled over him. “Let’s put it on the bed stand.” She pushed the Tiffany lamp further back to make room.
“Thank you, miss,” the butler said as he placed the silver tray on the stand and then stepped back.
“Will there be anything else?”
“No,” her grumpy boss snapped. The moment the butler stepped into the hall, Trent slammed the door closed and glared at Carrie. “Do not countermand my orders to the staff. They’re impossible enough already.”
She chuckled. “I’m sure they say the same about you.” The tantalizing aroma of her food caught her attention. Unable to resist, she peeked beneath the silver lid.
Trent sat a foot away from her on the bed and sniffed at her plate. “I told the cook she’d be fired if you didn’t eat it.”
“If you actually said that, you should go downstairs and apologize. You appear to have a wonderful cook and should value her.”
He shrugged. “She’s okay. Not as good as the last one though.”
Unwrapping her fork from a swaddling of fine linen, Carrie dug into the egg-white omelet. Her eyes rolled in ecstasy. “God, this is fabulous!”
“Really?” He moved closer and stole her fork so he could try some.
She expected him to smile at first taste. Instead, he became annoyed. “Come on! Your taste buds can’t be that jaded.”
His eyes narrowed. “It’s very good. Far better than the crap she feeds me.”
Carrie shook her head and swiped the fork. If the cook prepared Trent mediocre meals, she understood why. During her first six months at Lancaster Chairs, Trent had threatened her with unemployment on a daily basis and she’d hated it. She nearly grew to hate him, would have, except his remarks always lacked sincerity, as if he’d learned them rote.
Once she’d consumed a quarter of the omelet, she offered him the fork. He smiled and shook his head. “You finish it. The cook will serve me my gruel later. Probably spit in it for good measure.”

AMAZON: http://amzn.com/B00DSAJ7JO

Exciting month coming up!

We're finally about to move. If all goes well, we will be out of our rental house within two weeks! Hubby and I have been packing, and I took inventory of all our large things today, trying to figure out how big a truck we might need to rent, and how long we'll need it.

Wait... Let me back up... (Yes, this is relevant, I promise, LOL!) I have a Honda Fit. It's a compact hatchback, and it's definitely bigger on the inside. When I stand outside the car, it's tiny. When I sit in the driver's seat, it's a full size car. Step out of the car again, I've parked in a corner of the parking spot and it looks ridiculous. Fold the back seat down, and it's possible to load pieces of furniture that appear larger than the car.

Anyway, I was taking inventory of our large things today. I moved over the Atlantic equipped with two suitcases and everything that didn't fit had to be left behind. Hubby had some stuff, and we've bought a lot through the years. The little house we rent is filled to the brim. Still, there's only a dozen things that won't fit in my Honda. (Not at the same time, of course - a dozen things that couldn't theoretically be moved with the Honda. Like, the bed.) Is that a good thing, or is it sad?

Where am I going with this? You're tired of hearing about my move by now, aren't you? Well, the point is, if everything goes well, I will meet August in a new home. I will have an office space that's larger than a closet. That's worth celebrating!

In my new office, I'll be prepared to meet the excitement of August!

"What is she babbling about?" you might ask.

In August, Undercover will be released as a paperback. My new scifi romance novel Operation Earth will be released as e-book, it's going on blog tour, and Kidnapped is a finalist in the RONE awards. Three big things in one month. Exciting times!

Do you want to host me?

My new sci-fi romance novel "Operation Earth" will be released in a few weeks - August 11 - and the book and I are going on tour. It is coordinated by Bewitching Book Tours, and if you would like to host a stop on the tour, you can find more information here! =D
 


Blurb:

Seven billion people on Earth go about their daily lives, and no one is prepared when a global EMP slows the world to a crawl. With all our technology incapacitated, everything changes. Within days alien soldiers line the streets, and life will never be the same. Rachael struggles to adapt to the new order, doing her best to keep herself and her cat alive.

On a ship far above the planet surface, Peter just got his new Earth name, and can’t even remember his identity from the last world he visited. It’s another day on the job, one more world on a never-ending list. That is, until Rachael bumps into him, dropping exotic objects all around his feet. His culture taught him females should be obeyed and protected, but he never had an urge to leave himself at a woman’s mercy until now.

Rachael’s neighbor Ryan hounds her to join a brewing resistance movement and make a stand against the newcomers. She still befriends Peter, enthralled by his enigmatic personality and hypnotic golden eyes. Would falling in love with an alien be treason against humanity? When the rebellion gains momentum and open conflict with the newcomers is a fact, Rachael’s personal insurrection might be her doom, or bring salvation to us all.