Conroy Reynolds's Blog, page 3

Spirituality for the Dark Side

The idea that the spiritual life has periods of darkness and light and both are helpful on the spiritual path is well established in the history of Christian literature. I am going to share with you some of the most powerful and insightful comments by notable Christian writers and practitioners of faith. They have uplifted my spirit, enlightened my understanding and brightened my darkness. They will provide light for your dark times.

Charles Spurgeon called the Prince of Preachers noted:

We need clouds and darkness to exercise our faith, to cut off self-dependence, and make us put more faith in Christ, and less in evidence, less in experience, less in frames and feelings. The best of God’s children—I repeat it again for the comfort of those who are suffering depression of spirits—have their nights … God’s people pass through the night. They have their nights of sorrow. I confess I do myself constantly …

Francois Fenelon 17th century theologian, poet, writer and church leader:

Never should we so abandon ourselves to God as when he seems to abandon us. Let us enjoy light and consolation when it is his pleasure to give it to us, but let us not attach ourselves to his gifts, but to him; and when he plunges us into the night of pure faith, let us still press on through the agonizing darkness.

Augustine Baker, a 17th monk who suffered much persecution throughout his life wrote:

We must expect many changes; many risings and fallings; sometimes light, and sometimes darkness; sometimes calmness of passions, and only God knows how often these successions of changes are repeated, before the end approaches.

Therefore we must yield ourselves fully to God’s disposal and to follow Him in any ways that He will lead us … through light and darkness, through bitter and sweet.

Prayer for the Darkness

John Donne English poet and preacher who himself times of despair that led to contemplation of suicide wrote the following prayer for times of spiritual darkness. I have updated the language to make it more helpful the today’s reader:

God of Comfort, Let your merciful providence so rule in my life in this situation, that I never fall into total darkness, ignorance of you, or inconsideration of myself. Let those shadows which do fall upon me, faintness of spirit, and condemnations of myself, be overcome by the power of your irresistible light; that when those shadows have done their work upon me, to let me see, that of myself I should fall into irrecoverable darkness. May your Spirit may do his work upon those shadows, and disperse them, and establish me in so bright a day here … that the words of your Son, spoken to his apostles, may reflect upon me, Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the world Amen.

Be Blessed!

Share your story of living through a difficult time

War, Terrorism and Christmas

I live and work a few minutes from the site of the recent terrorist attacks in San Bernardino, CA. In fact on the morning of the attacks my wife was driving past the very area while the attacks were taking place. I was in a meeting at work when a colleague broke the news to us. I immediately rushed to the phone to call her since I knew she had plans to be in the city of San Bernardino that morning. Fortunately she had not yet left. Needless to say, she did not.

These attacks following closely on the heels of the attacks in Paris and the destruction of the Russian airline symbolize the obsession with violence and destruction that seems to have taken hold of many. While the number of official “wars” have lessened over the past few years the intensity and brutality of the fighting has dramatically increased. The result is that more people are being killed and the effects of the violence are more far reaching. For example the Syrian conflict has resulted in 200, 000 deaths and over 3 million refugees. Worldwide over 50 million persons have been displaced. According to the Watson Institute at Brown University, over 370, 000 have been killed in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. In addition over 200, 000 civilians have been killed. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have cost the United States 4.4 trillion dollars and counting.

As I reflect on this litany of wanton destruction, this senseless bloodbath that is engulfing the world, my thoughts go back to one of the oldest prophecies of the birth of the Messiah and I find a startling connection to war and destruction that is also illuminating and reassuring. In Isaiah 9:5 the prophet declares, “The boots of the warrior and the uniforms bloodstained by war will all be burned. They will be fuel for the fire.” These prophetic words point to a time when the bloodshed will be ended. How is this possible? The next verse tells us, “for unto us a child is born, to us a son is given and the government will be upon his shoulders and he will be called … Prince of Peace.” There will be no end to the increase of his Government of peace. Thus Christmas is if nothing else a reminder that the true government of this world and the responsibility for ending this continuing carnage is ultimately on the shoulders of he who was born in a manger centuries after this prophecy. At his birth the angels sang, “Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace and goodwill to all.” He himself promised, “peace I give to you … do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” He puts his peace in our hearts now so that we can live without fear in this time of fear and ultimately he will establish a kingdom of peace without end.

Despite the violence and brutality I am encouraged even as I enter the season that is intended to remember that “unto us a son is given and the government shall be upon his shoulders,” his name is Prince of Peace. How do you feel this Christmas season? I appreciate hearing your thoughts!

As I Believe I Behave

Every decision I make whether in my relationship or in my business creates a new situation. The greater my decision the more challenging will be my situation.

I first encountered this spiritual principle in the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer one of the great heroes of world war two and an author whose writings have greatly impacted my life. Bonhoeffer was tortured and eventually hanged by the Nazis for his steadfast opposition to the evil they represented. He believed that as a disciple of Jesus he was called to resist such tyranny and as a follower he had no choice but to obey God’s call. In his book, the Cost of Discipleship, he wrote, “only he who is believes is obedient and only he who is obedient believes. “ By this he meant the faith to step out in obedience into a new situation is reinforced by the act of stepping out. For him this meant taking the action required to resist the evil of Nazism.

Bonhoeffer believed that God’s call to me creates a new situation for me to move into and every time I move in response to the call my faith is empowered and strengthened. I believe this spiritual principle holds true in every area of life. Hence, every decision I make creates a new situation for me. As I act in the new situation I am empowered and spiritually renewed. As I believe I act and as I act I believe.

Can Spirituality Promote Higher Employee Engagement?

Every business wants to have a group of engaged, passionate employees committed to the success of the business. Businesses spend millions of dollars each year to find out how engaged their employees are. Yet according to Gallup only about one third of American workers are engaged. Gallup has also found that Managers have by far the greatest impact on employee engagement.

I took a look at some of the ways Gallup says Managers can positively contribute to higher levels of employee engagement and concluded that integrating Spirituality in the workplace can provide a potent addition to those efforts and result in greater employee engagement.

For example, Gallup notes that managers who have regular contact with employees by whatever means tend to have more engaged employees. This should come as no surprise, communication is vital to any relationship. Communication promotes connection, caring and a sense that you matter to others. The heart of spirituality is connectivity. Connection with self, the sacred and others.  Promoting a spirituality that is respectful and inclusive would support deeper connection and higher engagement.

Spiritual connection can then promote collaboration between employee and manager for setting performance goals and committing to achieve them, another critical aspect of employee engagement.

Here are three ways a manager can promote spirituality in the workplace:

Regularly remind employees that they are a part of something greater than themselves, what they do matters, it makes a difference in the lives of others.


Allow time and create opportunities for employees to connect with each other in ways that transcend the work environment. One good way to do this is for employees to participate in shared projects that benefit others


Be a consistent model of compassion, care and support for employees. Make it a rule never to fire an employee without doing all you can to help them be better

5 Daily Sources of Spiritual Renewal

Recently, I watched with fascination at a news story about a young lady whose bungee rope broke at the end of her jump. As a result, instead of bouncing back up and experiencing the exhilaration of escaping what seemed like eminent danger, she continued her fall into a river known to be infested with crocodiles. Life can be like that sometimes. Our connection with that which should stabilize us in the face of uncertainty and confusion is broken and we are taken along by forces we are unable to control. Spiritual renewal provides us with the vital reconnection that stabilizes and guides us.

Today I am reflecting on three sources of daily spiritual renewal that keep me going:

The belief that I am never alone. The sense that God is with me lets me know that I matter to him and that feeling of connectedness renews my spirit.


Believing that God loves me unconditionally and therefore will always forgive and accept me is a powerful source of spiritual renewal


Cultivating a spirit of gratitude opens my eyes to see the beauty of the here and now and my spirit sings

What experience left you feeling spiritually renewed today?

How are You Doing?

The other day I was listening to a radio talk show on financial issues. I don’t remember the name of the host (I think it was Dave Ramsey), anyhow I was struck by the way he answered his callers. Whenever someone called in and asked how he was doing, his answer was always, “better than I deserve.” Initially I thought, no way I can say that, I am happy he can say that but I can’t. Then I thought, wait a minute why can’t I say that? What is preventing me from saying it? I mulled over the question and realized that I was putting conditions on myself. I could not repeat the statement because in my mind I was not getting all I deserved. That led to another question, what do we deserve and how do we determine when we are not getting all we deserve? The truth is, saying “I am doing better than I deserve” is not about what I have or don’t have, it is about a way of thinking about life such that whenever I say it my inner eye is opened to the beauty all around me and the present moment becomes much more alive with potentials and possibilities. So now whenever someone asks how am I doing, guess what I answer?

What are your thoughts?  What do answer when you are greeted with the question, “how are you doing?”

Women should be Cautious with Online Dating

Pew Research (2013) reports that over half (54%) of online daters have felt that someone else seriously misrepresented themselves in their profile. And more seriously, 28% of online daters have been contacted by someone through an online dating site or app in a way that made them feel harassed or uncomfortable. Women are much more likely than men to have experienced uncomfortable contact via online dating sites or apps: some 42% of female online daters have experienced this type of contact at one point or another, compared with 17% of men.

How can you protect yourself?

Don’t assume that what you see in the profile is true, people do lie and that could mean trouble for you
Make your first meeting in a public place with friends
Conduct your own background checks, but be aware that sometimes databases are incomplete so the report may not be 100% accurate
Don’t release personal information until you have satisfied yourself that it is safe to do so and even then be cautious
Use only your first name in any communication, keep home address and home phone number private

An Encounter that Changed my Life Forever

Sarah talked about the impact of Krystal illness on each member of the family. David her 16 year old son became intensely angry at God for bringing such horrible suffering on his little sister. He had always been active in the youth program of the church and was considered one of its leaders. His sister’s illness changed all that. For some time he refused to talk about the situation but was always attendant to his little sister. Over time Sarah began to notice a change on David, He seemed less angry and smiled more often. One day he came into the room where Sarah was attending to Krystal. She sensed he wanted to say something and put her arm around him. With tears he explained how his sister’s suffering had impacted his faith and made him angry and hateful towards God. However what softened his heart and caused him to reevaluate his attitude was his sister’s demeanor through such suffering. Krystal never complained and up until she was unable to speak or communicate meaningfully, her daily prayers inevitably consisted of thanking God for her family and for blessing her. In the days that followed, David became even more attentive with Krystal and shared with his youth group how his sister’s illness had helped him to realize that a just and loving God did not always mean we would be preserved from suffering. Further, our own attitude during trials shape the way we experience it.

Her husband Jake for the most part remained spiritually strong but had some days when he felt like giving up. These were days he felt overcome by his own helplessness to change the outcome for his daughter or alter the circumstances in any way.

Despite such a devastating prognosis for her child Sarah spoke glowingly of her faith in God and her fervent belief she would see her beautiful daughter again. Her faith saw through the present to a greater and more permanent reality. I stood quietly listening as she spoke movingly of her faith that though tested still held strong. As I listened the words of the apostle Paul came to mind, “Even though on the outside we are wasting away, on the inside we are being renewed every day, … for we do not look on the things that seen but on the things that are not seen. The things that are seen are temporary, the things that are not seen are eternal” (1 Corinthians 4: 15, 17). As we prayed together around the wheel chair in which the child sat, I sensed the presence of God. I came away from that encounter feeling strangely uplifted and strengthened.

How about you? Have you had an encounter that impacted your life?

6 Ways to Resolve Anger toward God

In my previous post I discussed the fact that many persons feel the sickness and suffering that they experience is punishment from God. Over time such persons may become angry at God for treating them so unfairly. Do you ever find yourself struggling with anger toward God? How do you deal with those moments when you feel like the Old Testament prophet Jonah who said to God, “I am so angry I could die?” In this article I am offering some suggestions that I think can help to resolve angry feelings toward God.

1. Don’t suppress your anger or pretend it doesn’t exist

Suppressed anger has negative impact on your mental health and your ability to stay focused on the things that matter. This is so even in our everyday interactions with others and is certainly the case in your relationship with God. Be honest enough to admit it if you are, and anyway if God knows your thoughts as many believe he certainly already knows how you feel about him so why bother to try to hide it?

2. Express your feelings to God

I don’t think God will be offended when we are honest and open with him. If that means letting him know how angry and disappointed we are then so be it. In my opinion it is by far the better option than to try to pretend that we are not angry when we are. However, please note that it is better to express how you feel rather than yell and scream at God, not because he can’t handle it but because you might not survive it. Studies show that you have a greater chance of suffering a heart attack in the two hours after an angry outburst.

3. Accept that life is Unfair at the best of Times

All of us would like to think that if we believe truly, live faithfully, trust completely and give generously that things will go well for us, and in general I still think that is true. However, it is also true that life does indeed take horrible detours and unexpected pathways that result in suffering even for the most saintly of persons. To pretend otherwise is silly and immature. In the Old Testament book of Malachi God speaks to the people, “you have spoken harshly about me, because you have said it is futile to serve God. There is nothing to gain by fulfilling his requirements.” But then the narrative says in reality God takes special note of those who experience pain and hurt and will count them as his treasured possessions.

4. Remember you are more than your anger.

It is important not to let your anger consume you. Remind yourself that there is more to you and that there are other aspects of you that can touch others in a positive way. Anger is a choice and one gift you have been given as a human being is to make choices. Chronic anger like hatred and resentment over time solidifies into rage and rage is the twin sister to bitterness, together they will eat away all that is good in you. Reach out to other parts of you

5. Be courageous enough to believe instead of being angry at you that God loves you

I know that may be difficult for you to believe given the fact that you are in pain but if we can continue to believe that we are loved in spite of the fact that we suffer, love can heal. It takes courage to continue to believe that, it also takes humility; often pride denies us the opportunity to live in love because it teaches us that if we suffer God is angry with us.

6. Become a channel of love to fellow sufferers

That may seem to be asking a lot from someone who suffers but love is transformative, love grows as is it is exercised, therefore exercise love to others, reach out to those who may be downtrodden or oppressed and watch your love grow and your anger dissipate.

Do You Ever Have a Right to be Angry at God?

Recently I put out a poll on Facebook asking one question, “Does God get angry at people who are angry at him?” People could answer, yes, no, maybe or I don’t know. Forty-seven persons responded to the poll: four answered “I don’t know;” one chose “maybe”; and forty-two answered no. So the vast majority of those who answered felt God does not get angry with people just because they get angry at him. Yet, in my experience, as both a chaplain and therapist, when we go through difficult times and God does not respond according to our requests, we tend to get angry with God and think he is angry at us.

The question of God’s anger is a troublesome one. In the Christian scriptures, the Old Testament God tends to be an angry, vengeful God. If the chosen people acted contrary to his instructions, God’s anger meted out devastating consequences. However, in the New Testament God’s wrath seems more related to the final judgment when the wicked are to be punished for refusing his great gift of salvation.

This brings us to the question of whether God gets angry with people for some reason and punishes them with sickness, suffering, grief and loss. Interestingly enough, one of the best examples I have found to address this question is in the Old Testament book of Jonah. After Jonah preaches to Nineveh and the people repent, God decides not to destroy them. But Jonah becomes angry that his threats to Nineveh are not going to come through and he says as much to God. In fact, he so angry he says to God, “kill me right now; I’d rather be dead than alive.” God’s question in reply to Jonah is the heart of our article today, “Is it right for you to be angry about this?” Then Jonah gets a powerful lesson that I think is still helpful for us today.

In response to God’s question, Jonah goes off makes a shelter for himself and sits sulking under it while still hoping that God would destroy the city. Soon the leaves of the shelter wither in the heat, but God arranges for a vine to grow up overnight and it provides him with excellent shade such that Jonah is comfortable and grateful for God’s act of mercy toward him. However, God also sent a worm that eats away the stem of the plant and just as quickly as it springs up it dies! This leaves Jonah to feel the full heat of the midday sun, not only that, God sends a scorching wind to blow on Jonah and his suffering is so great Jonah cries out for death. He feels death must be better than such suffering. Finally, God comes back to him and asks again, “Is it right for you to be angry because the plant died?” Jonah replies defiantly, “Yes, it is right for me to be angry enough to die.” Then God says to Jonah, “You feel sorry for yourself when your shelter is destroyed, though you did no work to put it there, and it is, at best, short-lived. And why shouldn’t I feel sorry for a great city like Nineveh with its 120,000 people in utter spiritual darkness and all its cattle?”

In essence God is challenging Jonah’s right to angry; first at God’s decision not to destroy the city, then at God’s decision to remove the shelter he provided to Jonah. There are several powerful thoughts for our contemplation here: (1) Getting angry at God challenges the nature of God as loving and merciful based on my perception of his action. Anger is a very personal response to what we perceive is a very personal action against us. Our thoughts often center on the fact that “I am the person who is hurting, God has not been there for me, maybe he has helped other people, not me.” (2) Getting angry at God is an act of self-pity that our cherished desires appear to be lost. We feel like we have done our best to follow God while he has left us to suffer without help. (3) Getting angry at God results in self injurious thoughts and actions. Anger blurs our ability to reflect meaningfully and grow spiritually. We may become suicidal as we think, “This is too much!, Death is better than this”. We may even challenge God as Jonah did; “Why don’t you just kill me and get over with?” (4) Anyone can fall prey to anger at God when things don’t go according to plans and expectations. Don’t forget Jonah is a prophet and called by God to perform his work, yet Jonah becomes angry when things go wrong. (5) When we find ourselves angry at God, one effective means of addressing that anger is to ask ourselves, “What right do I have to get angry at God for this?”   My next post will follow will further explore this question.