Heart Yngrid's Blog, page 23

AN OFFICE FROM HELL STORY

Title: OFFICE FROM HELL—ER?

Writer: Ayi



Office From Hell-er is a script created for entertainment purposes only. Unedited. Raw. Disjointed. Random. Crazy. Nasty. And most of all, not inspired by anything or anyone with a bad face. Hihi.



Ang HELLER Solutions Inc. ay isang call-center agency na nag-i-specialize sa technical support kung saan lahat ng empleyado ay maaaskad ang mga mukha at nakakasuka ang mga ugali. Hindi ko alam kung paano sila kumikita nang ganyan pero basta, katuwaan lang naman ito kaya 'wag n'yo nang hanapan ng loophole. Mula sa boss na buwaya hanggang sa janitress na may daily PMS. Sounds terrifying? It was indeed an office from hell. Sige, umpisahan nang basahin para mapa-tumbling kayo sa banas.



P.S. Siya nga pala, walang bida rito. Lahat kontrabida.





EPISODE 1





   1. INT. HELLER OFFICE – DAY



*SHRILL BACKGROUND MUSIC ROLLING, BAD*SS NAMES ROLLING



Shot of a head top with dandruff. A hand scratching the flaky head. Then cut to full shot. Makikitang ulo pala iyon ni LOISA (33), call center agent at mahaderang lider ng katsismisan sa buong HELLER. Malaki ang ilong nito. Kaya minsan ay nasisinghot nito ang mga dandruff nitong every 3.6 seconds ay nahuhulog mula sa ulo nito. Galit rito ang janitress dahil sa dandruff pa lang nito na nagkalat sa sahig ay napupuno na ang dustpan ng janitress. Si Loisa ang admin ng anti-Angel Locsin page sa Facebook kaya given nang hindi ito gumagamit ng dandruff shampoo.



Titingin si Loisa sa kapwa call center agent kay MICA (25) pero mukhang (45) dahil sa obesity. Hindi bale. Porselana naman ang kutis nito. Pink na pink. Maya't-maya ay may nakasaksak na pagkain sa bunganga nito. Mahilig itong sumayaw at kapag ginagawa nito iyon ay gumagalaw ang tasa ng kape ng mga kasama nito sa office. Nang dahil doon ay weekly na sumasailalim sa earthquake drill ang mga empleyado ng HELLER. At ban na sa opisina ang mga kanta ni Lady Gaga na hilig nitong isayaw. Ito ang numero unang inggitera sa office. May pagkabobita pa ito. Inaanak ito ng asawa ng big boss kaya medyo malakas ito sa management.



Mapapahinto si Mica sa pagnguya ng Pringles at sisimangot habang nagdaraan si CATHY (21) bagong hired na call center agent. Hindi naman kagandahan si Cathy ngunit pang-VIVA Hotbabe ang katawan nito. 36-25-35 ang vital statistics nito. Parati pang nakaluwa ang dibdib nito at halos nakalabas na ang kuyukot sa iksi ng damit. Pantasya ito ng bawat kalalakihan sa office na feel na feel naman nito. Usap-usapan sa office na kabit ito ng big boss na ang pinagmulan ay siyempre ay si Loisang tsismosa.



Ipi-flip ni Cathy ang buhok nito dahil titingin si ERVIN (27), ang hunk sa office pero hindi rin naman kaguwapuhan. Ito ang official manyak sa HELLER. Hilig nitong sirain ang aircon sa office para mainit dahil gusto nito na lagi itong nakahubad at ipinapakita ang six-pack abs nito na siyang gustung-gusto naman ni Mica dahil crush na crush nito si Ervin. Kahit nagmamantika na si Mica sa pawis ay okay lang na walang aircon basta nakikitang shirtless si Ervin.



Pi-picture-an ni Ervin—gamit ang cellphone nito—ang puwitan ni Cathy nang makalagpas na ito. Sisipol sana ito ngunit papasakan ni Mica ng Pringles ang bibig ni Ervin at halos mabubulunan ito. Makikitang naggigiritan ang mga ngipin ni Mica.



MICA (V.O)

Peste talaga itong haliparot na babaeng ito. Mamaya ka sa 'kin. Lalagyan ko ng thumbtacks ang chair mong malandi ka! Hmp! Imbyerna! Teka, ano bang spelling ng thumbtacks? Thambtucks o thumbtucks? Hmmm… mai-Goggle nga.



Pagtingin ni Mica sa LCD monitor ni Ervin ay wallpaper na nito ang picture ng puwit ni Cathy. Lalo itong ma-iimbyerna.



MICA (V.O) (CONT'D)

I changed my mind. Hindi na thumbtacks ang ilalagay ko sa chair ng Cathy na iyon. Pako na! Yung concrete nail at--



LOISA

Alam mo ba ang nasagap kong tsismis tungkol--



Pahihintuin ni Mica si Loisa sa pagsasalita sa pamamagitan ng pagtakip sa bibig nito ng palad.



MICA

Istorbo ka sa voice over dialogue ko. Hindi pa ako tapos mag-voice over. Patapusin mo muna ang dialogue ko, okay?



MICA (V.O) (CONT'D)

Nasaan na ba ako? Epal kasi itong si Loisa. Ah, doon sa concrete nail na ilalagay ko sa chair ng malanding Cathy na iyon. Tingnan ko lang kung ma-picture-an pa ni Ervin ang puwit niyon nang may nakatusok na mga pako. Bwahahaha! Bwahahahaha! Bwahahaha!



Uubu-ubo si Mica. Masosobrahan sa voice over na tawa ang bruha. Babaling ito kay Loisa.



MICA

O, Ate Loisa, anong gusto mong i-tsismis?



LOISA (Mukhang galit)

Tse! nawala na ako sa mood mag-tsismis!



Papawiin ni Mica sa mukha nito ang tumalsik na laway ni Loisa.



MICA (V.O.)

Ang arte. Masyadong sensitive. Hindi naman kagandahan. At saka ikaw pa, mawawalan ng mood sa tsismis. Weh?



LOISA (V.O)

Letseng dabyana ito. Sinupalpal ang dialogue ko. Hmp! Mabulunan ka sana sa katakawan mo! Hindi na kita ipo-poke sa Facebook! Tse!



May tutunog sa headphone ni Loisa. May tumatawag na costumer.



LOISA (pasungit)

HELLER, how may I help you?



CALLER (male voice)

Hi! This is Leo. I have a very huge problem with my computer. Can you help me get through with this? I am so upset, I can't see my pictures in thumbnails and I can't seem to find Windows Movie Maker in here.



LOISA

What's the operating system?



CALLER

Windows 98.



LOISA

Windows 98??? Eh, tanga ka pala, no! Wala namang Windows Movie Maker sa 98! Wala ring picture thumbnail feature dyan. Ang dapat mong gawin, itapon mo na ang PC mo at bumili ka ng bago. Peste! Ke-aga-aga panira ka ng araw. Pa-english-english ka pa, windows 98 lang pala ang gamit. Chipipay! Kung tsismis ang sinabi mo sa akin, baka natuwa pa ako sa 'yo. Tse!!!



Puputulin ni Loisa ang tawag at ilalagay ang caller sa barred caller list. Magkakamot ito at mahuhulog ang sangkaterbang balakubak nito sa sahig kung saan winawalis ni MANANG ETEL (48), ang janitress na parang laging may PMS sa kasungitan. Busangot ang mukha nito at magsu-suicide na lang ang painter kaysa ipinta ang mukha nito. Iniwan kasi ito ng asawa kaya siguro ganoon ito.



ETEL (pabulong)

Bwiset! Nagkalat na naman ang balakubak ng tsismosang ito. Malunod ka sana sa balakubak mo isang araw.



LOISA

Ano kan'yo, Manang Etel?



ETEL (pasikmat)

Ang sabi ko, bakit hindi mo subukang gumamit ng anti-dandruff shampoo at nang hindi na ako napapagod sa kakalimas ng mga balakubak mo!



Hindi makapaniwala si Loisa ngunit hindi nakahirit dahil umalis na si Etel. Mabilis niyang bubuksan ang kanyang Facebook at gagawa ng hate page ni Etel.



LOISA (V.O)

Bwiset kang janitress ka, ha. Eto ang sa 'yo.



Muli ay magkakamot ito. Tipong imyernang-imbyerna. Lilipad ang dandruff nito sa susundan ng camera patungo sa Pringles can ni Mica na hawak nito.



Busy sa paggu-Google si Mica habang naghihintay ng tawag. Ita-type sa search bar ang mga katagang: "How to put concrete nails to a whore's *ss". Magugulat siya dahil puro porn site ang lalabas. Bigla ay marami nang magpa-pop up na mga X-rated na larawan. Hanggang sa mapuno ng pop-up ang monitor niya. Matataranta ito. Mapapatingin roon si Ervin na manlalaki ang mga mata.



ERVIN

Wow! Anong site iyan? Parang hindi ko pa na-visit iyan, ah.



MICA

Bakit? Ilang porn sites na ba ang na-visit mo?





ERVIN

Siguro mga nasa ten.



MICA (matatawa)

Ten lang pala. Akala ko pa naman mga one hundred na. Hindi ka naman pala ganoon kamanyak gaya ng sinasabi nila.



Hahampasin ni Mica sa balikat si Ervin na muntik nang ikabagsak nito sa sahig dahil sa bigat ng kamay ni Mica.



ERVIN

Ang ibig kong sabihin, ten thousand. Puwera pa ang mga pop-up na ganyan.



Bigla ay dadaan si JUANITA (48), ang supervisor na masungit, mataray, laging nakasigaw at maaskad ang mukha. Palibhasa virgin pa. Conservative ito. Galit ito sa mundo. Lalo na sa mga babaeng active ang sexual life na tulad ni Cathy. Lihim itong may pagnanasa sa big boss kaya galit ito kay Cathy na natsi-tsismis na may relasyon sa boss.



Manlalaki ang mga mata ni Juanita dahil makikita ang monitor ni Mica. Si Ervin ay mabilis na inalis ang wallpaper dahil baka masita rin ito.



JUANITA (pasigaw)

Ano iyan?!!!



MICA

Eh… Ma'am… porn?



JUANITA

Malaswa! Kelaki-laki ng katawan mo, nakukuha mo pang maisip ang sex! Sinong may sabi sa 'yong magbukas ka ng porn site dito?



MICA

Wala naman po. Hindi ko naman sinasadya, eh. Sine-search ko lang naman po sa Google kung paano ako makakaganti kay Cathy pero iyan na ang lumabas.



JUANITA

Sa uli-uli, kapag nag-search ka sa Google, huwag mong i-type ang pangalan ni Cathy para walang nagpa-pop up na porn. Naiintindihan mo ba?



MICA

Opo.



Aalis na si Juanita. Magta-type si Mica sa Goggle ng "How to put a concrete nail to an old maid's *ss." Ang lalabas ay "Your search did not match any documents."



Lilipat ang shot kay Cathy na nasa desk nito at nag-a-apply ng lipstick. Hihinto ito sa paglalagay ng lipstick dahil may tawag na dumating.



CATHY (seductive voice)

HELLER, how may I help you?



CALLER (deep male voice)

Hi, I have a problem with my bluetooth dongle. Whenever I try to send a file from my computer to my phone it always says, the bluetooth device or computer cannot process file of this type. What shall I do about this?



CATHY (seductive voice)

Hmmm… Why don't you just remove your bluetooth from your PC and stick it straight right into… *censored*



CALLER

Hmmm… I like that.



CATHY (moans)

I like that, too…



Bigla na lang may babatok sa ulo ni Cathy. Sisinghap ito dahil makikita nito si Juanita.



JUANITA

Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa 'yo na hindi ito phone sex agency!



Lalabi si Cathy.



CATHY

I'm sorry, Ma'am. Nakalimutan ko na naman. Pero promise, hindi na mauulit.



JUANITA

Malandi! Malaswa! Kunin ka na sana ni Satanas!



Iirap si Juanita at aalis na. Babalik si Cathy sa kausap. Deadma lang sa mga sinabi ni Juanita.



CATHY

Where am I? Oh, I will shower your chest with wet kisses down to your stomach and… *censored* XXX



INTERCUT WITH:



2. INT. BOSS' PRIVATE OFFICE - DAY



Nakaupo sa executive chair nito si SIR EDGAR MORATO (53) pero mas mukhang bata sa edad. Alaga kasi ni Belo ang kutis at ng chicks ang libido. Ito ang big boss ng HELLER. Hindi naman masasabing guwapo ito pero animalistic ang dating nito. Makapal ang bulsa at makapangyarihan ito. At dahil doon ay maraming babae ito. Mas babaero pa ito kay Ervin. Mahilig ito sa bata. Basta sexy—kahit mukhang palaka—ay pinapatulan nito. Buwaya ito. Yumaman ito dahil sa angking kasuwapangan. Ang motto nito ay "It is better to receive than to give." Kaya ang mga empleyado nito ay diyeta sa suweldo at incentives rito.



EDGAR

Hmmm… I think my bluetooth dongle is working now…



Nakadikit sa tainga ang telepono nito. Matutuklasang ito pala ang kausap ni Cathy.



CATHY

I told you… I… (bleep sound for the censored words)



Ipagpapatuloy ng mga ito ang kalaswaan. Biglang may magbubukas ng pinto ng silid kaya hihinto ito sa ginagawa. Papasok sa pinto ang asawa nito na si LARA (50). Chubby ito at puno ng mamahaling alahas ang katawan. Ito ang vice president ng HELLER ngunit bihira itong magpunta sa opisina dahil busy ito sa casino. Bungagera ito at mas malakas pa sa megaphone ang boses nito kapag binubungangaan si Edgar.



Tatayo si Edgar at mabilis na ibaba ang telepono. Sasalubungin nito ang nakasimangot na asawa. Yayakap ito kay Lara.



EDGAR

Sweetheart! Bakit nandito ka?



LARA

Dahil nabalitaan ko na may relasyon kayo ng isa sa mga empleyado mo!



EDGAR

Hindi totoo iyan! Wala akong relasyon kay Cathy.



LARA

Sino si Cathy?



EDGAR (natitigilan)

Hindi mo kilala si Cathy?



LARA

Hindi.



EDGAR (V.O)

Lintik! Hindi pala niya alam ang pangalan ng babae ko. Ibinuking ko pa ang sarili ko. Mukhang dapat pala Juanita ang sinabi ko. Para hindi siya naniwala na nambababae ako.



LARA

Hayup ka! (pagbabayuhin nito ang dibdib ng asawa) Kailangan kong makausap ang Cathy na iyan!



May mahuhulog mula sa palad ni Lara. Sabay pang mapapatingin ang dalawa. Dadamputin iyon ni Edgar at tititigan. Focus shot sa hawak ni Edgar. Matutuklasang isa pala iyong casino chip. Sisinghap si Lara at kukunin iyon mula sa kamay ni Edgar.



LARA

May chip pa pala ako! Kailangan kong bumalik sa casino!



Mabilis na aalis si Lara at maiiwan si Edgar. Magkikibit-balikat lang ito at muling tatawag sa linya ni Cathy.



EDGAR

I want to *bleep *bleep *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep



CUT BACK TO:



CATHY

Oh, yeah… *bleep *bleep *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep



Makikitang nagdaraan si DODIE (25) o DONNA sa gabi, ang baklitang supladita, maldita, feelingera at social climber much. Isang taon pa lamang ito sa HELLER ngunit kung umasta ay parang ito na ang supervisor. Laging nakataas ang kilay nito. Tulad nina Mica at Juanita ay ni-like din nito ang hate page ni Cathy sa Facebook na misteryoso kung sino ang creator. Pinagnanasaan rin kasi nito si Ervin.



Iigkas ang kilay nito nang marinig ang pakikipag-phone sex ni Cathy.



DODIE (V.O)

Makati! Imbyerna ka talagang bruhita ka! Nanginginig ang mga kilay ko sa pagka-imbyerna sa 'yo ever!



Lalagpasan nito si Cathy at daraan kay Ervin na makikita nitong nakikipag-chat sa Windows Messenger. Ngingisi ang bakla at mawawala na sa shot na mananatili kay Ervin. Enjoy na enjoy ito sa pakikipag-chat sa babaeng chatmate. Biglang may nag-pop up na message box mula sa isang nagngangalang Dyosamia88.



The chat reads like this:



DYOSAMIA88:            Hi Hardy69! Asl?

HARDY69:               27 m Manila. U?

DYOSAMIA88:            22 f Cebu

HARDY69:               Layo mo naman.

DYOSAMIA88:            Di bale maganda naman. lol

HARDY69:               Talaga? Vital stats, pls?

DYOSAMIA88:            36-25-35

HARDY69:               Wow… webcam?

DYOSAMIA88:            Sorry. Broken webcam. Pix na lang.

HARDY69:               Sure!



Manlalaki ang mga mata ni Ervin sa nakitang picture na ipinadala ng bagong chatmate. Napakaganda at sobrang sexy ng babae.



ERVIN (V.O.)

Wow. Talbog si Cathy.



Mabilis niyang papalitan ng picture ng babae ang picture ng puwit ni Cathy bilang wallpaper ng monitor niya.



Shot slowly switches to Dodie's desk. Makikita ang kaparehong message box na nakita sa monitor ni Ervin. Matutuklasang si Dodie pala si Dyosamia88.



DODIE (V.O)

Hay, Ervin. Kung ito lang ang paraan para pagnasaan mo ako kahit kunwari lang, gagawin ko. (Titingin sa picture ng magandang babae) May pakinabang ka rin pala, pinsan. Kahit imbyerna ang beauty ko sa 'yo dahil mas maganda ka sa akin. Ang katawan mo ang pagnanasaan ni Ervin pero ang kaluluwa ko ang mamahalin niya.



Patuloy siyang makikipag-chat kay Ervin bilang si Dyosamia88. Ngunit titigil siya pansamantala sa pakikipagharutan dahil mapapatingin siya sa pinto gaya ng ibang mga naroroon. may dumating na bagong character sa Office From Hell--er...



*CREDITS ROLLING





END OF EPISODE 1





******Watch out for more characters and episodes. Iyon ay kung sisipagin ako. Bwahahahaha!

I Love This Parteyy. (ulit)

Dahil sa katangahan ko, na-delete ko nang di ko namamalayan ang previous post ko. Argh. Kaya ulit! Ulit!



Anyway, baka ayaw ng blogger na puro si fafa JM na lang ang ikuwento ko sa christmas party ng abs-cbn noong Dec. 18 sa PBB activity hall. Kaya sige na nga, I'll enumerate the highlights of that night...



1. Late kami dumating sa party (kasama ko si Sofia, ang publisher namin, editor-in-chief, dalawang editor at proofreader. Sayang di namin naabutan sina Toni Gonzaga at Melai Cantiveros. Sobrang likey ko pa naman ma-meet sila.



2. I met Johann Santos of PBB double up na gumanap sa role ni Donnie sa "Love Me Again" na novel kong naging TV series sa PHR Presents. Nag-thank you siya sa akin for my novel at napaka-approachable niya. Nakita ko din si Cathy Ramperas pero di ako nagpa-picture with her. Hehe.





3. Nakita ko din sina Wendy Valdez na naghe-hello ang boobs, Bangs Garcia na very pretty pala sa personal, Charee Pineda na parang doll sa prettiness, Hermes from PBBdu na sobrang payat, Bernard Palanca na sabi ni sir nakakatakot daw parang nagma-massacre LOL, Zanjoe Marudo na parang wala sa mood, Cristine Reyes na nagwala sa stage nung tipsy na, Kaye Abad na hawig ko raw (Char!), Ivan Dorschner na ala-Edward Cullen sa puti, Sid Lucero, Sam Concepcion, atbp...



4. Nakita ko rin sina Joe, Patrick & April ng PBB teen clash pero di ako nagpa-picture with them. Baka isipin pa nila fan nila ako hehe.



5. Tumagay kami ng The Bar Strawberry. Kalahati pa lang, parang medyo tinamaan na ako. Sobrang tagal na kasi since the last time I drank alcoholic beverages.



6. At dahil nakainom kami, sumayaw kami sa harap while a band was playing. We danced with the stars. Sobrang saya lang. Tanggal lahat ng stress.



7. Si Direk Lauren Dyogi lasing! Sumayaw siya sa stage! hihi. Kalorkey. Ang kulet.



8. Si Rafael Rosell with his nerdy glasses naki-groove sa amin sa dancefloor.



9. Umakyat ako sa stage with Janis (PHR proofreader). Jammed with Bernard Palanca who was singing that time.



10. We met Ms. Linggit Tan. Ambait! Si Direk Cathy Garcia Molina, very cool!!!



Pwede kay JM de Guzman na? LOL



JM hugged me from behind noong picture-an na. Sweeto!!!! Sobra kilig ko, I ruined the pic with a big grin. Kilig lang kasi ako lang ang niyakap niya nang ganoon sa aming lahat... ayieeeeee



Ang cute-cuteeeeee namin ni JM o! Hindi kami tao, di kami hayop. Bagay kami! Bagay talaga....

 

Isinayaw ako ni JM maya-maya. Ayieee! He held my hand and made me twirl. Then he pulled me towards inside his arms. :)



Feeling ko na-harrass ako ni JM (feeling ko lang un) Kaya gumanti ako. Ninakawan ko siya ng halik bago kami umalis sa party. Haha!



Take note: lasing ako... at lasing din yata siya:)



For more pics: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid...

Random Nonsense

Lately, been busy with my laziness. So that includes laziness to blog. Well, it's not as if I blog everyday (just don't believe what the subtitle header says). Anyway, here's some of the stuffs (mostly nonsense) I did for the past weeks in random order...



1. I watched Easy A with a date. A date. A date. A date. Okay, I dont want to elaborate this one. But the movie is good by the way.

2. I went to EK with writer friends. Had fun! I want to go back there again and ride the Rio Grande and Flying Fiesta. Space Shuttle, you suck! I will hate you forever as long as I live.

3. My book SCU: Campus Girl Bunny, The Charming Barista came out of the market finally and I receive good feedbacks. The truth was I was kinda worried I gain haters because of this due to loveteam wars but what the heck, I wanted to write it.

4. I met a cute cab driver who seemed to want to hook up with me. But I had something better to do, like watch The Amazing Race previous seasons marathon.

5. I get so hooked on The Amazing Race. (Just today, the doctors Nat & Kat won. Congrats to them) I sure will be watching the seasons ahead.

6. I am reading Remember Me by Sophie Kinsella. I was surprised with myself. I haven't read a book for like ages. Now, I'm reading a book again. I am slowly turning back to being human again. Congrats to myself.

7. I had fun at my nephew & niece's birthday party at the Storyland wherein I rode the roller coaster for like 5 times! i enjoyed the bump car too which I never enjoyed the first time I tried. I can drive it now. I feel as if I can drive a real car afterwards!

8. I changed my template. I lost my friend's blog links with this new skin, I'm sorry...

*I have a lot to tell but not to you, but to myself ONLY. Some things are unpublishable, you know.



Things I want to do (mostly nonsense):



1. Get a rebond. Come on my hair is a mess! I have always wanted to get my hair treated but I was worried I might get bald coz my hair is brittle.

2. I desperately want to get a tattoo!

3. I want to go to Sagada or Bohol. And I will with writer friends. Hope it'll be soon.

4. I want a new Korean guy hottie please.



I am so lazy............ I would probably doze off blogging so any moment I might stop typing because

Liwaliw sa EK

Isang araw, nag-trip lang kami ng mga co-writers ko sa PHR na sina Cherie, Pret at Amor na magliwaliw sa Enchanted Kingdom. Akala namin since weekday kami pumunta, medyo konti lang ang tao so masasakyan namin lahat. Pero wapak pagpunta namin, sangkaterba ang bus. Fieldtrip ng mga bata! Deng! Napakainit ng araw na iyon. At kasalanan ni Pret ito. Kasi nag-wish siya ng "sunny day, sunny day" sa Twitter. sabi ni Cherie, dapat "sunny day" lang para di ganun kainit. Feeling ko nagka-sunburn ako sa init sa pila papasok pa lang sa park. Pero dahil matikas kami, kahit mainit picture-an agad sa ilalim ng araw!

 Una naming sinakyan ang Jungle Log Jam. Di ko alam kung bakit dito pa lang feeling chicken na ako. Di naman ako uminom ng kape para nerbiyusin ng ganun. Ang taas naman kasi ng babagsakan ng log ride. Sa Wild River ng Star City, di naman masyado. So, para mawala ang kaba, picture-an na lang muna habang nasa pila.

Nung sumakay na kami, excited ako and at the same time kabado. Si Cherie antikas, babagsak na lang kami at lahat pababa, nakuha pang mag-picture. haha!

Sabi ni Pret sa akin, sana raw sumigaw ako nung pababa na kami para daw di ako natakot. Narinig ko nga siyang sumigaw. Tahimik lang kasi ako nakayakap sa likuran niya. Nevertheless, nairaos ko rin ang Jungle Log jam. Yey! Next stop: Space Shuttle Max. Deng! Ayoko nung una. Feeling ko aatakihin ako sa puso pag sumakay ako dito.

  It's not as if di ko kayang sumakay dito. Sumakay na rin ako sa Cyclone Loop sa Star City noon. Nagkataon lang na that day, wala ako sa mood na umastang matapang. Duwag ako sa araw na ito. Pero dahil nandoon na rin lang ako sa Enchanted Kingdom, KJ naman kung di ko susubukan. At saka ang fake naman kung nagpa-picture ako sa harap ng Space Shuttle pero di pala ako sumakay.

Kaya sabak kung sabak! Tagal din namin pumila. Lanya, puro mga bagets kasabayan namin sa pila. Ang tatapang ng mga batang ito, Sa loob-loob ko. Daig pa ako. Parang may sangkaterbang paru-paro sa sikmura ko habang papalapit nang papalapit kami. Nagrarambulan sila promise. Parang gusto ko ng mag-back out. sabi ni Pret, "Isigaw mo lang ang kaba mo. Sumigaw ka lang." So sinunod ko siya. Nung nakasakay na kami, bongga, naloka ako sa kakasigaw. Feeling ko hinahagis ako sa ere, binabalibag, pinapagpag. Parang biglang tumalon ang puso ko palabas ng dibdib ko. Nung natapos na, HEAVEN. Damn, I survived the Space Shuttle. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, iba-blog ko ito. Achievement na ito para sa akin. hehe. Pero teka, may napansin ako. Parang hindi ko yata narinig na sumigaw si Pret na katabi ko sa seat. Diyatat....! Ang daya! Sabi niya, isigaw ko lang, bakit siya hindi sumigaw? Iyon pala, nawalan daw siya ng energy kaya hindi siya nakasigaw. (Bulong: natakot si Pret, ayaw lang niya aminin hehehe) At dahil diyan, kumain na lang kami ng ice snack sa Ice Monster.

Next ride: RioGrande Rapids. Ito ang may pinaka-pinaka-pinakamahabang pila. Tapos ilang beses pa kaming nasingitan. Tsktsk. Okay lang siguro mga bata ang maningit kasi mga bata un eh. Kaso mga matatanda pa sa amin ang sumingit. Ang mga hitad, nakuha pang magpa-picture at magposing sa pilang isiningit nila. Di na nahiya. Hay, nakakalungkot na may mga matitigas ang mukha na tulad nila. Kaya nag-trip na lang kami habang naghihintay sa pila para maibsan ang pagka-bad trip namin.

Sa Rio Grande kami pinakanag-enjoy. Kahit lumabas kaming basang-basa. Ang dami naming tili at tawa everytime nababasa kami. Haha. Si Cherie yata ang pinakanabasa pero ipinagmalaki pa niya sa camera:)

So, para matuyo ang pagkabasa namin, sumakay kami sa Flying Fiesta. Ito ang pinakamasarap na ride for me. Ang sarap nung iniikot ka sa ere. Unfortunately, malabo ang mga kuha namin ng pictures kaya wala akong maipopost:) Next stop: Rialto Theater.

Habang nakapila kami, sabi namin out of desperation sa paulit-ulit na paghihintay sa pila, pano kung biglang na-cut sa amin ang pila sa pagpasok sa theater. Ang tikas! Nangyari nga! Yung sinundan namin, sila yung pinakahuling pinapasok sa sinehan. Na-cut sa amin ang pila! Lesson learned: Wag magbiruan ng di maganda, baka mangyari! Paglabas sa Rialto, takbo kami sa Wheel of Fate.

Kakalula! Paslit pa ako nung huli akong sumakay sa Ferris wheel. may fear of heights kasi ako. Pero this day, medyo na-conquer ko ng slight ang aking fear. Yey! Nakasakay uli ako ng Ferris wheel! Unfortunately, iyon na ang huling ride na nasakyan namin dahil pasara na ang EK. Kasi naman ang daming tao at kehahaba ng pila! Argh. Di tuloy ako nakasakay sa Grand Carousel. Nagpa-picture na lang tuloy ako.

At syempre, bago kami umalis, di puwedeng di ako makapagpapicture kay wizard. Wahhh! Ang KJ kasi ng EK, Sana extended ang open hours nila. Di ko tuloy nasakyan ang EKxtreme! Char! Kala mo kaya eh:)

I love my EK experience kahit bitin. I had fun, really. Promise, may part two. Lahat na sasakyan namin nang bonggang-bongga:)

Is this true?

"Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." Hmmm.... This campaign photo is quite popular in the internet. I first encountered this several years ago. I remember how I was too astounded by this that it left my head with a big hole. I didn't know what that phrase means for pete's sake. Why would God kill a kitten whenever someone takes the call of sexual emergency... alone? Why the kittens? Why not the puppies? ponies? piglets? .... ants (they are small regardless of age so I don't think there is a baby title for them) Why? why, oh why the kittens????



Ang laki ng problema ko no? I still don't know what that picture and phrase mean. I was trying to grasp the essence of this campaign photo but I really couldn't obtain some sensible response from my brain. So, I ended up bringing out a pile of questions about this. Maybe someone could enlighten me so I can finally sleep.



1.  Is masturbation a mortal sin for God to kill innocent kittens for it?

 

2. Why the kittens? Why not the rats?



3. What the fudge are those two dweebs with fake sharp teeth chasing a kitten? They don't look like they could kill. They do not even look like they're from heaven. 



4. Why does God has to kill a poor kitten whenever someone masturbates? Is this to stop the people from doing it by pricking their conscience? Unfortunately, there are more people who love dogs than cats. Probably the reason why...



5. If this is true, then is this the reason why cats have nine lives? So, they could accommodate nine masturbating peeps before they finally die for real, so they won't turn into endangered species because of the massive population of people who do that thing?



6. Do the kittens even know about their no.1 cause of death (considering how masturbation is practiced by millions of people everyday, I guess this is how most of them die)?



7. Whoever invented masturbation, in the first place? Maybe he hates cats.



8. So, masturbation contributes to the population growth of rats since the cats' are diminished?





Hard questions, I know. But maybe you could shed some light to this issue. This must be the reason why I'm so stressed these fast few weeks. This must be the reason why I'm sick right now. Help!!!

Temporary High.

 I remember my first ride on a Ferris Wheel. I was shaking and my heart was thumping wildly against my chest and my intestines were growling like there's monster inside. I am afraid of heights. I remember then, all I did was to close my eyes and hugged my companion. Since then, I never rode a Ferris Wheel again. I was a kid then. And now when I came across this photo, I feel like I want to try riding a Ferris Wheel again.





London Eye, tallest Ferris wheel in the Western Hemisphere. Wowowowowow! I want to ride this freaking wheel! I want to go to London and I'm gonna freaking ride this! I'm freaking going there!!! Iyon ay kung may pamasahe ako papuntang London. Magkano ba papuntang UK? Plane tickets + Visa fee + Hotel accomodations fee + Pocket money = Murder. Freaking shitznitz, dun na lang ako sa tsubibo sa perya sasakay.



If you read my novels, I'm sure you know I included "riding a Ferris wheel" scenes in some of 'em. I find it romantic kasi, you know, picturing a couple riding there smiling, talking, holding hands, looking up the sky with a lot of stars and trying to reach them as if you could... then you would both laugh loudly like idiots. Yes, that's just so romantic... for normal people... meaning, I am out of it. LOL. I mean, for people who are not afraid of heights. I consider them normal.



So, if you're a normal person, don't waste your chance to ride a Ferris wheel with your loved one. That's romantic. Promise. Kahit di ko pa nararanasan :)

BERy Near.

So here comes September. The first month of Bers just came slapped me on the face nagging me it's about time to work my ass off because the money-grubbing season is now approaching. Dammit. So, good-bye lazybone. I have to work work and work so I could survive another financially demanding season.

[image error] Maybe I shouldn't be the only one worrying about what to give my loved-ones. Maybe people who love me should worry about what to give me too. Haha. Aba dapat lang naman. I believe in the saying "It's better to give than to receive" but I also expect the ones who receive something from me to believe in that saying more than I do. LOL. So to make things easy for you (people who love me and want to give me something this Christmas), I've prepared my Christmas wish-list:



Here's my Christmas Wishlist:



1. New Laptop. This is very expensive, I know. But maybe someone very rich loves me out there. LOL

2. Gypsy Skirt.(size: long, don't forget)

3. Bath & Body Works Sandalwood Rose shower gel. Minimum of 3 bottles hahaha

4. Shoes! Any kind except platforms & high-heels. I am so loser when it comes to high-heeled shoes.

5. Aromatherapy essential oils. These are my mini stress-minimizer.

6. Blackberry. I don't want to buy this, I want to get this as a gift. Again, attention to people very rich who love me! LOL

7. Curtains or Bedsheets. I want candy-colored curtains for my room, as well as bed covers:)

8. Earrings, Lariats, Fashion necklaces(the long beady ones). They are LOVE!

9. Bag. I want printed ones... canvass bags, those that you can carry anywhere.

10. Body Mists. Minimum of 10 bottles hahaha

11. Healthy Options' Chamomile Tea. Minimum of 3 boxes lol

12. Body Shop's Born Lippy and Tea Tree products.

13. Guitar! I want to learn to play the guitar.



So, as early as today, you know what to give me. So you have ample of time to save money for your Christmas gift for me. LOL. I love you, gift-giving people! I love you sooooo much! hahaha. Merry Christmas!!!

Major-Major Lurve.

Bret Jackson of PBB greeted me in Music Uplate. I supah loved how he greeted me. I was just expecting a simple "Hi, Heart Yngrid!" But to my surprise, he made his greeting for me really special. :) Thanks sa uploader sa YT I was able to have this video. Greeting starts @5:09.



Thank you so much, Bret! I super love you! I will always be a big fan of yours :)

Ayi vs Heart Yngrid.

Whenever I write, I am a totally different person. Kumbaga, si Heart Yngrid iba kay Ayi. Heart Yngrid is sensible, creative, perfectionist, romantic and witty. While Ayi is the complete opposite of Heart Yngrid. Ayi is nonsense, lame, balahura, unromantic and absent-minded. Therefore, Heart Yngrid is not Ayi, But we share one body. I dunno how the hell did that become possible. Maybe I have split personality? I hope that doesn't qualify me for a straitjacket though.



Anyway, Heart Yngrid is the one who has fans, not Ayi. In fact, I am also her fan. I am her greatest fan ever! Tabi-tabi muna yung mga nagsasabing sila raw ang no.1 fan ni Heart Yngrid. Dahil ako talaga ang no.1. LOL. No, this isn't narcissism because as I've said earlier, we are two different entities. Let's compare.



Heart Yngrid has won these awards in writing:





 and also had two of her novels shown in TV as teleseries:





  She has written over 60 books and 12 of them have Reader's Choice seal:





While Ayi has won these:





























and also these:























Okay, you still have eyesight, don't worry. You hadn't became blind for a second. They were really BLANK. Haha. All right, may mga accomplishments din naman ako as Ayi. But they are very tiny, you may have to use a microscope to see them. Like Best in English in high school (and I never imagined being the best in English because I was really not that fluent. maybe my classmates were all bulol that's why haha), Teacher's Favorite (I think I have the gift of being a favorite, maybe its not because I was intelligent. Maybe it's because of my charm. hahaha...), I always top the class (seriously, but I belong to a so-so section in high school. I wonder why I never got to the highest section. maybe because I was lazy?), I almost reached the grade quota for a Cumlaude! Konting-konti na lang di pa umabot! (But I know it's my fault that I didn't because I was so darn lazy. I hate school. I cut classes pa nga, seriously.) Pero ipinagmamalaki ko pa rin na muntik ko nang maabot iyon despite my laziness. May magic kasi ako kapag exams, eh. I always get high test scores. And I swear it's not because of kodigo, ha. Tamad lang ako pero hindi ako mandaraya. I even had managed to pass the Licensure Exam for Teachers even if I was very sick the day I took the exam.



Hmmm, ano pa ba? Wala na yata. Wala talagang kwenta. My being lazy and carefree as a student did not help me earn awards or any concrete accomplishments. Pero at least, naka-graduate ako. Pero kung titingnan ko, kaya ko naman sana kung pinagpursigihan ko at di ako naging walang pakialam. Kaya kayo diyan, mag-aral kayong mabuti! Wag nyo akong gagayahin:D



Heart Yngrid receives tons of fanmails every single day. Ayi reads them for her. LOL. And If it weren't for Heart Yngrid, Ayi wouldn't own a Louis Vuitton. LOLOLOL. Okay, so Heart Yngrid is way cooler than Ayi. No doubt about that. Wala talagang binatbat si Ayi Kay Heart Yngrid. But hey, I'm glad we share the same body. How cool is that?



I love you, Heart Yngrid! You are really cool! Please get me a Prada next time :D

What the HELL.

[image error] "Do you believe there's hell?"

 

My sister asked this to me. I was about to say, "Wait till I die, I'll tell you." (LOL) But she's serious in asking so I was promted to answer "Yes, I do." That's what everybody believes, anyway.



Her reply surprised me though. "There's really no hell after death. This world we're living in right now... this is the real hell."



I was like stunned. I didn't realize my sister could come up with such a powerful thought.



And as I think about it, I realized that she,s right. This world is the real hell. We suffer, we starve, we lose, we cry, we die in this world. Problems, heartbreaks, diseases, pests, calamities, accidents make our lives feel like in hell. So, yes, I must agree. This world is indeed the "hell".



"God, our Father, is forgiveful. Do you think He'd be happy to see His children suffering from endless pain in fire?" she added.



That must be the reason why there is death. Perhaps death marks the end of each mortal's stay in hell. And maybe after death, we'll all go to heaven and live the lives we all dream of... Always happy and no problems at all.



And yes, God is forgiveful. Like a father to his children. As they say, "Walang magulang na makatitiis sa anak." No matter how we are sinned, God would always forgive us when we die. I guess, He wouldn't want us to be unhappy for the rest of our lives. That is how he love us.



This is indeed a life-changing thought for me. Nakakatuwa that from simple conversations, you'll get what you need in your life. I've always been afraid of death and hell. But now, I think I shouldn't anymore be afraid to die and get out from the real "hell".



NOTE: THIS POST DOES NOT ENCOURAGE SUICIDE, YOU IDIOT.