Telford Vice's Blog, page 3

Going, going, gone: the ugliness of the player auction

“I blocked the daylights out of it, so not much.” – Jacques Kallis on what his SA20 base price might have been.

Telford Vice / Cape Town

JACQUES Kallis has never been excitable. Even when he faced Shane Warne and James Anderson — the bowlers who dismissed him more than any others in Tests — his eyes would remain startlingly untroubled. Maybe a touch glazed, more than slightly bored with it all.

Like they were in Johannesburg on Tuesday. For two hours, Kallis fished tiny cricket bats o...

Dead rubbers must die

“If we’re going to be poor, we’d rather be poor in games that aren’t clutch games.” – Shukri Conrad 

Telford Vice / Cape Town

WITH apologies to The Everly Pregnant Brothers — and thus also to The Specials — here’s a message to you, Rooty: your 19th ODI century should be struck from the record. Or be qualified by an asterisk that explains you scored it in a match of diminished status; in a friendly, not a fully-fledged ODI.

The game in question was between England and South Africa in S...

No backward step for bruising Breetzke

“It’s a bit worrying, because it can only go downhill from here.” – Matthew Breetzke

Telford Vice / Cape Town

“D’YOU know, when we introduce ourselves in the Eastern Cape,” someone who shares a last name with Matthew Breetzke said, “people take a backward step.”  They do, and there’s a good reason why — the Breetzkes have a reputation for throwing punches first and wondering why they did later, if at all.

Matthew Breetzke is from the Eastern Cape, like many of his clan. South Africa h...

South Africa explosive against England’s bullshitball

“Not ideal.” – Harry Brook’s trite explanation for England’s shambolic batting.

Telford Vice / Cape Town

“PROBABLY”, Eoin Morgan said on commentary, Harry Brook had suffered a “brain explosion”. Happily, not in a physical sense. In cricket terms, without a doubt. Nothing about it was “probably”.

Brook wanted two from the moment Jamie Smith politely drove Wiaan Mulder through the covers in the 14th over of the first ODI at Headingley on Tuesday. Smith wasn’t convinced a second run was ...

Flaky takes on shaky in England, South Africa ODI series

“We need to make sure we keep winning while we’re working towards where we’d like to be.” – Temba Bavuma

Telford Vice / Cape Town

ONCE it was flat caps and top hats, fish ’n chips and smoked salmon, grittiness and grandiosity, and beer and champagne. It was around 195 miles. Now it’s 300 kilometres.

However you sketch the contrasts between Headingley in Leeds and Lord’s in London, they are vast. It’s north versus south, which means plenty in a society still riven along class and cultu...

“Where are you from?” It depends …

“Imagine there’s no countries.” – John Lennon

Telford Vice / Casablanca

“WHERE are you from?” If you’re asked by someone who votes for Nigel Farrage or Herman Mashaba, you’re probably not white. And they’re really asking what the hell are you doing here.

But if you’re white on the streets of Tangier’s medina and your questioner is somewhere on the spectrum of café au lait to terracotta that covers most Moroccans, it really is about where you’re from. The query comes from a face bright...

From Stubbs to Breetzke and back

“Sometimes you’re in a white-ball series where you want to play a more natural game and maybe your mindset is not as free as you would like it to be. I think Tristan is probably in that mental space.” – Ashwell Prince on Tristan Stubbs.

Telford Vice / Cape Town

MATTHEW Breetzke scored more runs in his last five innings than Tristan Stubbs did in his last 15. These things happen; players slide into and out of form throughout their careers.

But here’s a stat to startle — Stubbs, who is ...

The powerful modesty of David Goldblatt

“Light is to a photographer what music is to a dancer; we can’t work without it.” – David Goldblatt

Telford Vice / Johannesburg

JIMI Hendrix played a toy guitar. Jackson Pollock painted in the cheapest PVA. Lewis Hamilton wins races in a croaking VW Beetle, circa 1970.

And David Goldblatt’s camera is crap.

Don’t take our word for it. At least, not when it comes to that last ridiculousness.

“I use a 4×5; it’s not a very good camera,” Goldblatt said as he walked and talked his way...

Now playing in the SA20, James Anderson … ?

The sons of Ray Jennings, Dale Benkenstein and Herschelle Gibbs, and the grandsons of Basil D’Oliveira and Ali Bacher, are on the auction long list.

Telford Vice / Cape Town

A Cambodian, a Ugandan, a Motswana — someone from Botswana — and a Malaysian walk into a bar. There they find 153 Englishmen, 50 West Indians, 40 Pakistanis, 36 Sri Lankans, 27 Afghans, 24 Americans, 23 Bangladeshis, 13 Indians, and 11 from each of the United Arab Emirates and Scotland.

Ten Zimbabweans, Irishmen a...

Conrad’s bowlers fly free, but batters stay in their lane

“I believe in the slower ball, so if I want to bowl it in the powerplay I’ve got the freedom to do it. That’s beautiful.” – Lungi Ngidi on Shukri Conrad’s coaching philosophy.

Telford Vice / Cape Town

THAT South Africa beat Australia in Mackay on Friday to clinch their men’s ODI series with a game to spare was only the tip of the iceberg. There’s plenty going on below the waterline, particularly in a batting sense.

The visitors, who won the first match by 98 runs in Cairns on Tuesday,...