Dirk Flinthart's Blog, page 2

In Which Alea Fills Her Magic Bag With Cold Blue Fire And Screaming Severed Heads.

Testikles folded his heavy arms across his bare chest. “Well. It no longer cackles, does it? A new name is needed.” Iledove frowned. He really didn’t get it. “That doesn’t matter,” she said. “It can’t be called the Gigantic Ice Bajina. It… it just can’t!” The little barbarian gestured at the enormous, ice-rimed, suggestively oval […]

In which Testikles has A Night On The Town, and the Cackling Chasm Falls Silent.

The decision to accompany Milo to Poumad’s Emporium proved to be… interesting. Jeoff watched attentively as Farroukh – the long-suffering shopkeeper that Milo insisted on calling “Poo-mad” – caught sight of the little halfling, and blanched. “You!” said the swarthy storekeeper, scowling through his bushy beard. “What are you doing in my shop? Are you […]

In Which Jeoff Moonlifter Investigates A Mould And Speaker Crannock Loses A Desk But Keeps His Head…

(Contains adult language. Yeah, so what’s fucking new there?) Speaker Crannock was a bit of a cunt in Milo’s opinion. He couldn’t even give them the promised golden chamberpot because it was still full of shit. He’d promised to clean it, but according to him, it couldn’t happen without his servants. And where were the […]

In Which Milo Throws A Tantrum And The Party Accidentally Defeats A Conspiracy…

For whatever reason, Jathara was desperate to get back to Caer Koenig. She made out it was about the goats, but Milo figured she was shit-scared after the way they’d messed up all the duergar and that fucking Ogre Zombie. Scared or not, though, she still wasn’t going to get herself a pig tatt, no […]

Have You Seen A Bunch Of Invisible Dwarfs?

(Another gaming recap… beware!) The trouble with Testikles… No. Forget that. Even drunk, Iledove knew there were multiple problems with Testikles. She glanced sideways at him across the taproom of the Northern Lights tavern. Only a handful of days earlier, he’d grappled naked with a vile undead creature and jumped into a blazing fireplace with […]

CAUTION: CONTAINS GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF A SOCIOPATHIC HALFLING POWER-SHITTING ALL OVER A SHOP BECAUSE HE DOESN’T LIKE THE OWNER VERY MUCH.

(Yes. It’s another recap of a gaming session. I’m in formal isolation with Covid-19, and we had another gaming get-together courtesy of the Internet, and dear God one of the other players is absolutely the WORST…) For a complete idiot, Testikles had a distressing habit of being extremely difficult to manipulate at times. If only […]

The Crone and the Cauldron

(More recounting of RPG adventures as our little gang of misfits and morons blunders through Icewind Dale) The tracks led away from the ferry, through the newfallen snow into the town proper. They must have been made sometime during the night, for the passage of day travellers had not yet made them unclear. Even the […]

Nine Tails In Narita

It was an unassuming bar in Narita – the kind of quiet, hole-in-the-wall place that caters to tired sararimen and the occasional slightly lost international traveller on layover. The latter was myself, so I felt comfortable enough to order a beer in Internationalese: pointing at a bottle behind the bar, holding up one finger, putting […]

The Freezing Point Of Poo

More adventures of my current gaming group, floundering cheerfully and violently through Icewind Dale… The triumphant return to Bryn Shander was a bit less triumphant in the end, Jeoff felt. They had Testikles out front of their little caravan, pathfinding through the snow on his huge gods-damned pig – but as the snow got heavier, […]

The Heroes of Dougan’s Hole

(A quick recount of a gaming session, fictionalized for my gaming partners-in-crime…) After the Good Mead clusterfuck, it kind of felt good to be doing what they did best. That was, of course, getting paid to fuck shit up and steal stuff. And the giant fucking igloo for giants… yeah. Milo rubbed his hands together […]