Tim Atkinson's Blog, page 66
June 18, 2013
1356 by Bernard Cornwell
He's done it again. That master of historical fiction Bernard Cornwell (Sharpe, The Warlord Chronicles) has a new book available to pre-order which is what I'm just about to do. The blurb reads...
The Hundred Years War rages on and the bloodiest battles are yet to be fought. Across France, towns are closing their gates, the crops are burning and the country stands alert to danger. The English army, victorious at the Battle of Crécy and led by the Black Prince, is invading again and the French are hunting them down.
Thomas of Hookton, an English archer known as Le Bâtard, is under orders to seek out the lost sword of St Peter, a weapon said to grant certain victory to whoever possesses her. As the outnumbered English army becomes trapped near the town of Poitiers, Thomas, his men and his sworn enemies meet in an extraordinary confrontation that ignites one of the greatest battles of all time.
And here's the trailer:
If you're looking for some gripping summer reading, this could be it.
June 16, 2013
Happy Father's Day!
Ah, bliss! How was it for you? Every but as good, I hope, as this...
A wonderful, bespoke breakfast (courtesy of McCain) comprising of bacon, egg, mushroom, black pudding and - of course - McCain's Hash Browns. Good start, eh?
Then what? Well, how about a little light (well, heavy) singing courtesy of the Parish Church Patronal Festival (think Father's Day but for a huge cathedral-sized religious building) followed by a well-earned cider (courtesy of eponymous son) sipped - well, gulped - from a special Henry Weston's glass. And then? Well, we all know dads are just big kids at heart so how better to celebrate Father's Day than by playing with the old toys - or even new toys. Did you know that Matchbox is celebrating its 60th Anniversary this year? They haven't changed a bit, look...
What has changed - just a bit - is Hot Wheels which I remember as being a fun game with fast cars and a run of orange track but which now - courtesy of Hot Wheels Ballistics - fires balls that turn into cars and then then back to balls and generally end up everywhere.
Nb. at this point I would usually have inserted a short illustrative video of my own but a combination of cider and some really lovely liqueur chocolates courtesy of Hotel Chocolat (it really has been a bumper day) has made my camera work a little shaky. I'm sure you'll a forgive me. After all, it's Father's Day.
June 14, 2013
World Refugee Day
Next Thursday, June 20th., is World Refugee Day. Established by the United Nations to honour the courage, strength and determination of women, men and children who are forced to flee their homes under threat of persecution, conflict and violence, in the UK it takes the form of a whole week of artistic, cultural and educational events all designed to help raise awareness of the urgent and growing problems faced by refugees.
In just one minute, everything can change. A family can be torn apart by war. A child can be separated from his parents. A lifetime of work can be destroyed. Yet in a minute, you can act and support a family forced to flee. There are many significant and imaginative ways to get involved, including joining the UNHCR's 1 Thing campaign.
Magbola Alhadi and her children survived months of bombing raids but were forced to flee when soldiers came and opened fire on their village. The most important thing she brought with her was this pot. It was small enough to carry on their 12-day journey, yet big enough to cook for her family.
Imagine if your family had just 1 minute to flee...
What would you take?
You can see what others chose on the UNHCR's 'Most Important Thing' Pinterest Board where you can add your choice to the growing collection of pins.
Whatever you choose to do, do something.
Because we're lucky. We can.
In just one minute, everything can change. A family can be torn apart by war. A child can be separated from his parents. A lifetime of work can be destroyed. Yet in a minute, you can act and support a family forced to flee. There are many significant and imaginative ways to get involved, including joining the UNHCR's 1 Thing campaign.
Magbola Alhadi and her children survived months of bombing raids but were forced to flee when soldiers came and opened fire on their village. The most important thing she brought with her was this pot. It was small enough to carry on their 12-day journey, yet big enough to cook for her family.
Imagine if your family had just 1 minute to flee...
What would you take?
You can see what others chose on the UNHCR's 'Most Important Thing' Pinterest Board where you can add your choice to the growing collection of pins.
Whatever you choose to do, do something.
Because we're lucky. We can.
June 12, 2013
Dads are lazy and stupid ... discuss
Dad's have been in the news quite a lot so far this week, in the run up to Father's Day. On Monday there was the report that 'a million children are growing up without fathers' and that over 200 parts of the UK are effectively 'man deserts'. Now we hear that dads are lazy and stupid, at least according to kids cartoons.
Well. No doubt some are. No doubt some Germans lack a sense of humour as did the one I once encountered who berated me (as a representative of the United Kingdom) for enjoying the TV comedy Dad's Army ('Vy do you eenglish perpetuate ze var?') not quite seeing that the joke was on us.
The Netmums survey (from which the findings about lazy dads come) is depressing not because it reveals that 93% of parents interviewed think the media perpetuates a negative stereotype of the feckless dad but because anyone cares.
It's like saying over 90% of us form our opinion of private landlords from Rising Damp, or that we regard all hoteliers as being like Basil Fawlty.
But that's not all. Because today the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall make a guest appearance in The Beano. Which really does raise questions about the nature of truth and reality.
Because we all know which ones are the cartoon characters and which ones are the real deal there. Don't we?
Well. No doubt some are. No doubt some Germans lack a sense of humour as did the one I once encountered who berated me (as a representative of the United Kingdom) for enjoying the TV comedy Dad's Army ('Vy do you eenglish perpetuate ze var?') not quite seeing that the joke was on us.
The Netmums survey (from which the findings about lazy dads come) is depressing not because it reveals that 93% of parents interviewed think the media perpetuates a negative stereotype of the feckless dad but because anyone cares.
It's like saying over 90% of us form our opinion of private landlords from Rising Damp, or that we regard all hoteliers as being like Basil Fawlty.
But that's not all. Because today the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall make a guest appearance in The Beano. Which really does raise questions about the nature of truth and reality.
Because we all know which ones are the cartoon characters and which ones are the real deal there. Don't we?
June 9, 2013
Father's Day Gifts
Not long now, y'know. And in spite of research claiming that we (as a nation) spend far more time and money on Mother's Day, let's hear it for the dads. I know, I know... But indulge me for a moment. And please... no socks.
Instead, how about one of these? James at 'Buyagift' has been in touch with an inspirational list of gifts and activities for dad, including...
...golf days, short breaks and historic sightseeing experiences all over the UK.
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Driving-Experiences-BN-11x.aspx
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Days-Out-Sporting-days-out-BN-11wZw8.aspx
But if you’re more of a culture vulture, our fantastic days out at some of the most historic and serene locations in the UK would be right up your street – from steam engine experiences to tours of London’s most iconic landmarks such as the Shard.
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Days-Out-BN-11w.aspx
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Days-Out-Historic-attractions-BN-11wZwb.aspx - historic days out.
Perhaps you and your partner just need to get away from it all for a couple of days? We’ve got that covered with our range of short breaks all over the UK:
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Short-Breaks-BN-121.aspx
Perhaps you’d like a spa day? http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Pampering-BN-120.aspx
Are you green fingered? http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Days-Out-Sightseeing-BN-11wZw5.aspx You’ll find RHS memberships, Eden project tours and much more.
But if you’re somebody that enjoys living a little on the edge, then how about our choice of adrenaline fuelled days out?http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Adventure-BN-11v.aspx
There is everything there – from indoor skydives to bungee jumps, aerobatic flights, balloon flights, James Bind style Jet packs – and even zombie and werewolf survival.
He's kindly offered me a choice of one from the amazing range (I'm torn between parachute jumptng and basket weaving) so I'll report back later (if I survive - basket weaving can be very risky).
If none of the above grabs you, you could always make dad a simple bacon sarnie. Most dads love a bacon sarnie. With HP Sauce, of course. And talking of sauce, if you pop over to the HP Sauce Facebook page right now you could win one of 100 special personalised HP Sauce bottles for dad. It's got his name on it!
Proctor & Gamble is keen to celebrate the importance of dads too - and not just for the big, car-mending, mortgage-grinding, food providing things parents do but for the little things, the everyday things that make all the difference. They write:
Did you realise that when you held your child’s hand on the way to nursery it made him feel excited and confident about playing with the other children? Or when you explained the changing seasons to your children they felt like you were the cleverest person in the world?
We believe that the “ordinary” things you do every day have an amazing impact for the whole family, which is why our mission is to make products that help towards making everyday life that little bit better. We’re calling this the Everyday Effect.
To celebrate Father’s Day they're offering a free hamper of P&G goodies to help one lucky reader enjoy a bit of the Everyday Effect. All you need to do is help me with a little research of my own. Leave a comment below before Wednesday telling me (if you're a dad) what you'd like most this Father's Day or (if you're not) what you're thinking of buying the dad in your life.
And it you're not a dad yet but planning on being one soon (or it you know someone in that category) might I blow my own modest trumpet and recommend 'the best blokes guide to babies on the market'...
Available on Amazon, from publishers Need2Know and even (I've just found out) on eBay, I also have a few spare signed copies available if you'd like to make that gift a bit more special. Just email me or leave a comment below to find out more.
And talking of eBay (I'm not selling those copies of 'Fatherhood' there, by the way) I've still got a couple of great at pocket money prices if you've read this far and you're still in need of inspiration.
But get in quick. It's next Sunday, y'know!
Instead, how about one of these? James at 'Buyagift' has been in touch with an inspirational list of gifts and activities for dad, including...
...golf days, short breaks and historic sightseeing experiences all over the UK.
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Driving-Experiences-BN-11x.aspx
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Days-Out-Sporting-days-out-BN-11wZw8.aspx
But if you’re more of a culture vulture, our fantastic days out at some of the most historic and serene locations in the UK would be right up your street – from steam engine experiences to tours of London’s most iconic landmarks such as the Shard.
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Days-Out-BN-11w.aspx
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Days-Out-Historic-attractions-BN-11wZwb.aspx - historic days out.
Perhaps you and your partner just need to get away from it all for a couple of days? We’ve got that covered with our range of short breaks all over the UK:
http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Short-Breaks-BN-121.aspx
Perhaps you’d like a spa day? http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Pampering-BN-120.aspx
Are you green fingered? http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Days-Out-Sightseeing-BN-11wZw5.aspx You’ll find RHS memberships, Eden project tours and much more.
But if you’re somebody that enjoys living a little on the edge, then how about our choice of adrenaline fuelled days out?http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Adventure-BN-11v.aspx
There is everything there – from indoor skydives to bungee jumps, aerobatic flights, balloon flights, James Bind style Jet packs – and even zombie and werewolf survival.
He's kindly offered me a choice of one from the amazing range (I'm torn between parachute jumptng and basket weaving) so I'll report back later (if I survive - basket weaving can be very risky).
If none of the above grabs you, you could always make dad a simple bacon sarnie. Most dads love a bacon sarnie. With HP Sauce, of course. And talking of sauce, if you pop over to the HP Sauce Facebook page right now you could win one of 100 special personalised HP Sauce bottles for dad. It's got his name on it!
Proctor & Gamble is keen to celebrate the importance of dads too - and not just for the big, car-mending, mortgage-grinding, food providing things parents do but for the little things, the everyday things that make all the difference. They write:
Did you realise that when you held your child’s hand on the way to nursery it made him feel excited and confident about playing with the other children? Or when you explained the changing seasons to your children they felt like you were the cleverest person in the world?
We believe that the “ordinary” things you do every day have an amazing impact for the whole family, which is why our mission is to make products that help towards making everyday life that little bit better. We’re calling this the Everyday Effect.
To celebrate Father’s Day they're offering a free hamper of P&G goodies to help one lucky reader enjoy a bit of the Everyday Effect. All you need to do is help me with a little research of my own. Leave a comment below before Wednesday telling me (if you're a dad) what you'd like most this Father's Day or (if you're not) what you're thinking of buying the dad in your life.
And it you're not a dad yet but planning on being one soon (or it you know someone in that category) might I blow my own modest trumpet and recommend 'the best blokes guide to babies on the market'...
Available on Amazon, from publishers Need2Know and even (I've just found out) on eBay, I also have a few spare signed copies available if you'd like to make that gift a bit more special. Just email me or leave a comment below to find out more.
And talking of eBay (I'm not selling those copies of 'Fatherhood' there, by the way) I've still got a couple of great at pocket money prices if you've read this far and you're still in need of inspiration.
But get in quick. It's next Sunday, y'know!
June 6, 2013
Samsung SSD Data Migration and Installation
We bloggers love our lap-tops. Well, I do. I've had mine for about five years, during which time it's become slower... and slower... and....
So when Samsung asked if I'd like to replace my hard drive with a brand new SSD, no less - I thought 'why not?' And I know precisely why they asked me. The reason is simple. They figure that if I can do it, anyone can. 'It' being the cloning of the existing hard-drive followed by its removal and replacement with the new Samsung SSD.
Simple, I hear you cry.
And well... yes. It is.
First comes the cloning. Using the data migration tool supplied (downloadable, free, from Samsung) the first step is simply 'plug-and-go-away'. Plug in the SSD (via a USB connector) run the software, and go on holiday. I didn't actually need to go on holiday (although I did go on holiday) but the migration can take some time. That's the boring bit. I didn't film that. The next bit, the surgical operation, the unscrewing of screws and the lifting of lids and the meddling with parts, well... I left that to my father, who happened to be staying. Purely so that I could hold the camcorder...
So that's that. It takes, oh... about ten minutes (after data migration) and - as I said - if I can do it, anyone can. And if you want to do it too, head over to the Samsung Facebook page right now because they're giving away four Samsung 840 PROS in this month's caption competition.
Good luck!
So when Samsung asked if I'd like to replace my hard drive with a brand new SSD, no less - I thought 'why not?' And I know precisely why they asked me. The reason is simple. They figure that if I can do it, anyone can. 'It' being the cloning of the existing hard-drive followed by its removal and replacement with the new Samsung SSD.
Simple, I hear you cry.
And well... yes. It is.
First comes the cloning. Using the data migration tool supplied (downloadable, free, from Samsung) the first step is simply 'plug-and-go-away'. Plug in the SSD (via a USB connector) run the software, and go on holiday. I didn't actually need to go on holiday (although I did go on holiday) but the migration can take some time. That's the boring bit. I didn't film that. The next bit, the surgical operation, the unscrewing of screws and the lifting of lids and the meddling with parts, well... I left that to my father, who happened to be staying. Purely so that I could hold the camcorder...
So that's that. It takes, oh... about ten minutes (after data migration) and - as I said - if I can do it, anyone can. And if you want to do it too, head over to the Samsung Facebook page right now because they're giving away four Samsung 840 PROS in this month's caption competition.
Good luck!
June 3, 2013
Room for Improvement
The story so far. Moneysupermarket.com has issued a challenge to see what - if anything - I can do to improve a room on a tight budget. Fifty quid, to be precise. Returning from a week's holiday with just hours before the competition deadline I was struggling. It had to be something that involved little or no painting. It had to be something that I could manage in between the school run and between the many and various duties that make up the first day of term and just the second full day back at home after a week away. What could it be...?
'Room for Improvement' is a campaign to see how creative we as a nation can be. And, well, I like to think I'm nothing if not creative. So, thinking cap on and lying in bed this morning, sunlight streaming through the window, light reflecting off the bright emulsion walls I suddenly had it. Yes, of course. Cheap; cheerful; and effective.
Here's the room before...
And here's the bedroom after...
Yes, dear reader. I have added a border.
See? You don't have to spend a fortune. And it doesn't have to be a time-consuming project.
I'm quite pleased with my efforts.
June 2, 2013
Sunday Supplement
There's nothing like coming back from a holiday to some interesting post and - in our case this week - that included some interesting locations chosen by the courier. A lovely box of chocolate goodies courtesy of Green & Blacks (my wife has already opened it and earmarked what she's having) was waiting in the back garden on a bench. Thankfully the sun hadn't melted it. Or maybe there hadn't been any sun while we were away?
Either way, it seems to have reached us in pristine condition, as has an opportunity to review the new Colgate Proclinical A1500 - appropriate after eating chocolate as the 'first electric toothbrush that automatically adjusts' to different speeds and cleaning actions also delivers an amazing 32,500 sonic strokes per minute which seems almost guaranteed to get your teeth and gums deep clean.
Back in the garden after brushing our teeth, we notice our recently planted tomato seeds have sprouted. We'll soon be growing our own tomato ketchup as promised by Heinz - and so can you if you pop over to their Facebook page as they're still giving packets of seeds away. But hurry! You've only got until this coming Wednesday.
The thing about going away is that it can inspire you, when you return, to refresh something in the ol' domicile along the lines of what you've seen while out-and-about. And, in timely fashion, Moneysupermarket.com has issued a challenge to see what I can do to improve a room on a tight budget. 'Room for Improvement' is a campaign they're running to see how creative we as a nation can be. Ad the closing date for entries is... tomorrow, so I'm really going to have to be creative. And quick. So watch this space...
May 30, 2013
Win a free PC Tune-up
If your PC is anything like mine you'll be interested in today's great giveaway which comes courtesy of TuneUp.
TuneUp Utilities removes system clogging data from 150 programmes and removes data traces from 25 browsers on your laptop, tablet or PC, increasing performance, creating more storage and reducing start-up time - all in just 25 minutes.
Here are just a few of the reasons why a spring-clean for your PC might be a good idea:
Security: All versions of Windows store temporary files and logs. These sometimes contain sensitive information, including passwords. A regular clean up of these files is essential in order to protect your privacy.
Reliability: We've all experienced the blue screen of death. Often, these crashes can be attributed to having too much junk on our computers. Removing this junk can't guarantee your computer won't crash, but it will certainly help.
Better browsing: Endless hours spent surfing the web leads to large caches of old cookies and unnecessary clutter. Removing these can improve your web speed significantly.
Disk space: Many of today's tablets and laptops come with very limited disk space, as the cloud becomes a more convenient method of storage. When your disk space is so limited, even a small number of junk files can seriously hamper the speed of your computer. TuneUp can help to organise what is needed and what isn't, freeing up more space for you.
Performance: Not only does TuneUp remove the unwanted files that are clogging up your system, it also allows you to get rid of old apps and games that you haven't used in ages, giving your computer's performance an extra boost.
TuneUp Utilities' RRP is £29.99 and is available from Amazon or TuneUp.com. but I have three free copies to giveaway to readers today. All you have to do is tell me why you think it'd be useful and what a PC tune-up would help you to do. Leave a comment below between now and next Friday and I'll pick the winners at the weekend.
Good luck!
TuneUp Utilities removes system clogging data from 150 programmes and removes data traces from 25 browsers on your laptop, tablet or PC, increasing performance, creating more storage and reducing start-up time - all in just 25 minutes.
Here are just a few of the reasons why a spring-clean for your PC might be a good idea:
Security: All versions of Windows store temporary files and logs. These sometimes contain sensitive information, including passwords. A regular clean up of these files is essential in order to protect your privacy.
Reliability: We've all experienced the blue screen of death. Often, these crashes can be attributed to having too much junk on our computers. Removing this junk can't guarantee your computer won't crash, but it will certainly help.
Better browsing: Endless hours spent surfing the web leads to large caches of old cookies and unnecessary clutter. Removing these can improve your web speed significantly.
Disk space: Many of today's tablets and laptops come with very limited disk space, as the cloud becomes a more convenient method of storage. When your disk space is so limited, even a small number of junk files can seriously hamper the speed of your computer. TuneUp can help to organise what is needed and what isn't, freeing up more space for you.
Performance: Not only does TuneUp remove the unwanted files that are clogging up your system, it also allows you to get rid of old apps and games that you haven't used in ages, giving your computer's performance an extra boost.
TuneUp Utilities' RRP is £29.99 and is available from Amazon or TuneUp.com. but I have three free copies to giveaway to readers today. All you have to do is tell me why you think it'd be useful and what a PC tune-up would help you to do. Leave a comment below between now and next Friday and I'll pick the winners at the weekend.
Good luck!
May 27, 2013
What makes a great dad?
A subject close to my heart, as you'd expect, and the subject of this guest post by Cat Williams, relationship counsellor, military wife and author of new book Stay Calm & Content. Cat writes...
As parents, we've probably imagined a future for our son or daughter. Perhaps we envisaged them married to a particular kind of person, or aspired to a particular type of success for them, as well as imagining the respectful and positive relationship they would have with us.
If we don’t feel a positive relationship has come to pass then what can we do about it?
“fear makes strangers of people who should be friends”
Shirley MacLaine
Children growing up are usually fully aware of their parent’s expectations, even if they are not explicitly expressed. Many of us go through life feeling in the shadow of an ambitious father or mother; or aiming to live up to our parents’ investment of hope, time, and money. We usually have a natural desire to please our parents, if we can, and it may bring us happiness to achieve what they want for us, but what if we one-day realise we want something different?
A good dad firstly realises the great power and influence he has over his child’s self-esteem (a combination of self-confidence and self-worth), and that his child also influences how he feels about himself as a father. Children (and parents), of any age, want to feel listened to, understood, respected, and loved.
If we feel unloved, disrespected, or not good enough in some way, then this is a threat to our well-being, and therefore our brain triggers our physiological ‘fight or flight’ response. Our heart might beat faster, we might feel twitchy, our mouths might go dry, and we describe this as feeling ‘negative emotions’ such as anger, annoyance, stress or fear.
If we are unaware that threats to our self-esteem cause our negative emotions, then we will also be unaware that our subsequent actions are attempts to protect or repair our self-esteem. We do what makes ourselves feel better in some way, maybe defend ourselves by judging or criticising each other and arguing, or cease speaking to one another, and then think “I don’t know why I did that”.
‘Tell me how a person judges his or her self-esteem and I will tell you how that person operates at work, in love, in sex, in parenting, in every important aspect of existence - and how high he or she is likely to rise. The reputation you have with yourself - your self-esteem - is the single most important factor for a fulfilling life.’
—Nathanial Branden
To help yourself be a great dad you can:
Look at where your expectations for your adult child come from. How do you define ‘happy’ and ‘successful’ and why do you or define them that way?
Ask your child how they define happy and successful, and whether they have achieved what they would like for themselves.
Help your child with their self-esteem and self-belief by accepting them as they are; asking for and listening to their opinions; and encouraging them to find their own way of achieving their goals.
Work on your own self-esteem by making time for things which will help you to feel confident and positive e.g. exercise, time with close friends, enjoying a hobby etc.
Find positive ways to spend time with your son or daughter, doing something they, or you both, enjoy.
Show your child that you accept and value their partner, children, other relatives and friends by being open-minded and getting to know them as individuals.
Giving encouragement and praise to yourself and others, rather than being critical. We all behave in ways which make sense to us as individuals at the time, and we need to understand, not criticise this.
Tell your children, partner and family that you love them. This is the most likely way that you will receive the same in return. Find out from www.5lovelanguages.com what makes each of you feel most loved and then act on it.
Be a role model: speak about your thoughts, fears, frustrations, and weaknesses. Demonstrating the self-confidence to speak openly about your own feelings, and to apologise for your mistakes, will help to normalise open communication, which will build understanding, respect, love, and a positive relationship.
Praise is like sunshine to the human spirit;
we cannot flower and grow without it – Jess Lair.
Stay Calm and Content by Cat Williams is available now for £9.99 from Amazon.
As parents, we've probably imagined a future for our son or daughter. Perhaps we envisaged them married to a particular kind of person, or aspired to a particular type of success for them, as well as imagining the respectful and positive relationship they would have with us.
If we don’t feel a positive relationship has come to pass then what can we do about it?
“fear makes strangers of people who should be friends”
Shirley MacLaine
Children growing up are usually fully aware of their parent’s expectations, even if they are not explicitly expressed. Many of us go through life feeling in the shadow of an ambitious father or mother; or aiming to live up to our parents’ investment of hope, time, and money. We usually have a natural desire to please our parents, if we can, and it may bring us happiness to achieve what they want for us, but what if we one-day realise we want something different?
A good dad firstly realises the great power and influence he has over his child’s self-esteem (a combination of self-confidence and self-worth), and that his child also influences how he feels about himself as a father. Children (and parents), of any age, want to feel listened to, understood, respected, and loved.
If we feel unloved, disrespected, or not good enough in some way, then this is a threat to our well-being, and therefore our brain triggers our physiological ‘fight or flight’ response. Our heart might beat faster, we might feel twitchy, our mouths might go dry, and we describe this as feeling ‘negative emotions’ such as anger, annoyance, stress or fear.
If we are unaware that threats to our self-esteem cause our negative emotions, then we will also be unaware that our subsequent actions are attempts to protect or repair our self-esteem. We do what makes ourselves feel better in some way, maybe defend ourselves by judging or criticising each other and arguing, or cease speaking to one another, and then think “I don’t know why I did that”.
‘Tell me how a person judges his or her self-esteem and I will tell you how that person operates at work, in love, in sex, in parenting, in every important aspect of existence - and how high he or she is likely to rise. The reputation you have with yourself - your self-esteem - is the single most important factor for a fulfilling life.’
—Nathanial Branden
To help yourself be a great dad you can:
Look at where your expectations for your adult child come from. How do you define ‘happy’ and ‘successful’ and why do you or define them that way?
Ask your child how they define happy and successful, and whether they have achieved what they would like for themselves.
Help your child with their self-esteem and self-belief by accepting them as they are; asking for and listening to their opinions; and encouraging them to find their own way of achieving their goals.
Work on your own self-esteem by making time for things which will help you to feel confident and positive e.g. exercise, time with close friends, enjoying a hobby etc.
Find positive ways to spend time with your son or daughter, doing something they, or you both, enjoy.
Show your child that you accept and value their partner, children, other relatives and friends by being open-minded and getting to know them as individuals.
Giving encouragement and praise to yourself and others, rather than being critical. We all behave in ways which make sense to us as individuals at the time, and we need to understand, not criticise this.
Tell your children, partner and family that you love them. This is the most likely way that you will receive the same in return. Find out from www.5lovelanguages.com what makes each of you feel most loved and then act on it.
Be a role model: speak about your thoughts, fears, frustrations, and weaknesses. Demonstrating the self-confidence to speak openly about your own feelings, and to apologise for your mistakes, will help to normalise open communication, which will build understanding, respect, love, and a positive relationship.
Praise is like sunshine to the human spirit;
we cannot flower and grow without it – Jess Lair.
Stay Calm and Content by Cat Williams is available now for £9.99 from Amazon.
