Elizabeth A. Havey's Blog, page 25
May 13, 2018
A Woman’s Love Fires Awareness: Breathe
Sometimes it’s a circuitous road to knowledge; sometimes it’s a circuitous road to invention.
THE START: I loved Claire Foy in THE CROWN;
Now she plays the role of Diana Cavendish in the 2017 film BREATHE.
So I rented it and my husband and I were enthralled.
The film is the story of Robin Cavendish (Andrew Garfield) who in 1958 was struck with Polio while living in Kenya, his wife Diana pregnant with their first child. Polio paralyzed Robin from the neck down and over time did allow him to speak. But Robin could not breathe on his own and thus had to be chained to a respirator for the rest of his life.
THE MIDDLE: Robin wished for death. But pregnant Diana visited him frequently in the hospital ward where he lay staring at the ceiling. Finally, she brought him his newborn child, a son. Robin still wanted to die. But Diana’s love persisted, and soon Robin began to smile and enjoyed having his son lay close to his face. He could smell the newborn, watch him grow as his depression started to fall away.
But Diana wanted him home. The head of the Kenyan Hospital said no. He would die in weeks. Diana persisted, and with the help of another doctor she and a group of nurses wheeled him out of the ward, the respirator still attached.
THE FINISH: Robin Cavendish lived with his family to the age of 64. Step by step, the years were good to him, because Diana, with technology constantly improving, gave him constant love and encouraged him to accept his life. Robin moved from a bed to a large wheel chair equipped with a battery-operated respirator. A truck was refigured so that he could travel. A plane bore his truck to Spain so that he could again see the world. Over time, he and Diana took on the mantel of spreading the word, so that the men he had known in the Kenyan hospital were also able to leave and be with family, live their lives.
But the most amazing part of the film for me, occurred when the couple traveled to Germany, Robin to speak to a large group of physicians who were working with the disabled. In order to get to the hall where he would speak, he had to ascend an elevator in his chair. The chair could not fit through the opening. So, they actually pulled framing from the elevator door so that Robin could access the lift.
INVENTION: THE BRAIN LIGHTS UP: people with disabilities can travel in wheel chairs, even use portable respirators, but fix the damn elevators to accommodate those chairs!
A WOMAN’S LOVE AND WHAT IT ACCOMPLISHES
The son that Robin and Diana had is Jonathan, now a film producer who runs the company Imagination Studios with actor/director Andy Serkis. Jonathan commissioned writer William Nicholson to create the screenplay that would present his father’s life and work. Breathe appeared in 2017.
Jonathan related the reason that his father decided to claim his life and go on helping disabled people world-wide. He said that at first Robin was eager to have them “turn off the machine”–telling Diana, “You can start again,” But then Jonathan recounts, “She wasn’t having any of it.” Thus through love and encouragement and the industry of inventors and thinkers, Robin went on living and in the process helped so many others.
In the 1960s Robin tracked down and listed the circumstances of all the responauts ( a person permanently dependent upon a ventilator to maintain breathing.) This became the first record of the number of people confined to iron lungs in Great Britain.
In 1962, working with his friend Teddy Hall, an Oxford University professor, they created a wheelchair with a built-in respirator. Over his lifetime, Robin used a total of 10 different chairs, each improving his quality of life.
Robin raised money for the first group of chairs, eventually persuading what was then called the British Department of Health to fund a series of chairs manufactured by Teddy Hall’s company, Littlemore Scientific Engineering.
Robin also worked with scientists at Stoke Mandeville Hospital to create what was called THE POSSUM. It allowed users to use the telephone, turn on the TV and adjust heating controls with only the left-right turn of one’s head.
Robin also raised money so that others in his condition could travel.
MORE THOUGHTS
In today’s world, many people with disabilities live lives that are so productive, they make me feel like a slacker. Consider: Stephen Hawking; Franklin Roosevelt; Marlee Matlin; Tammy Duckworth; Itzhak Perlman and Harriet Tubman.
Since the new administration has come on board, the fight to continue to help disabled Americans has increased. We need everyone to step up when they can and help people with disabilities live lives that enable them to function, work, travel and enjoy what society has to offer. So, Thanks for reading. And please check out the following which was sent to me by a dear friend. This is his niece. Raising awareness is so important.
P.S. This year I’m turning 30 on the 30th (how did that happen!?) One of my birthday wishes is to live in a world free of HD. (HD is Huntington’s Disease.) Too many people have suffered at the hands of this disease and it’s very personal for me. Let’s find a cure. I don’t think that’ll be coming true this year, but I am confident and have faith that one day it can. In lieu of birthday gifts, I’m on a mission to raise $5,000 to go to our Austin Hope Walk benefitting the HDSA. Would you make a donation – in the amount most meaningful to you – so I can reach my goal? Could you give me an extra bump by sharing the link with anyone you know of?
https://hdsa.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=40916
Thank you in advance all for your support!
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May 6, 2018
Some of My Favorite Things & You Might Be Surprised
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GOOD HEALTH. As a former nurse and health educator, top of my list is health, which most of us can achieve by seeing a doctor or nurse practitioner regularly, maintaining a good diet and getting plenty of exercise. (You all could have written that sentence.) THIS WEEK, May 6th through the 12, is National Nurses Week , a good reminder to make sure your children are up to date on their immunizations (MMR, DPT etc check the list here ) and that you have had your annual physical to protect yourself from disease and thus be able to continue your life’s work (whatever that may be) and care for your family. I’m a big proponent of HERD IMMUNITY as members of my family are immunocompromised.
MEDICAL SHOWS. I love them, the serious ones like ER, CHICAGO HOPE, SAINT ELSEWHERE, CHICAGO MED, THE RESIDENT, CODE BLACK, and CALL THE MIDWIFE. (If I missed a good one, let me know.) When I worked in Labor and Delivery, my shift was 3-11. Stimulated and sometimes still mentally reviewing my charting, I often would sit memorized watching a recorded show until I could calm down and go to sleep. Know of a book that involves medicine, nonfiction? Dr. Atul Gawande is one of my favorite authors. Fiction? If reading the back-cover blurb, medicine is mentioned, I’m there.
QUEEN ELIZABETH II. I’ve written about this before, but my fascination also led me to English history, and that’s been beneficial in many ways. On May 19th, Prince Harry will marry an American, Meghan Markle, and I will enjoy watching whatever is on television or on the web, and reading articles about the wedding. A true gift in the last year has been THE CROWN , much of the material taken from books written by English historian Robert Lacey, and yet conceived and written by Peter Morgan for Netflix. So far the series has covered Elizabeth’s life from birth to 1955.
WRITING. Now that my husband and I are living in California, my dedication to my writing has increased. Yes, I wrote three novels (unpublished), when we lived in Iowa and I was running a household and raising our son as well as having a part time job: one doing copy editing and proofreading, the other working for the Des Moines Health Department. But now my afternoons are here, at my computer, writing. My memberships with Midlife Blvd., my blogger friends, and the other with Women Fiction Writers Association have made the writing better and provided me with great friendships. Who wouldn’t count that as a FAVORITE THING?
GARDENING. (photo above) As a child I was in charge of a small patch under the dining room windows. After I was married, gardening wherever we lived became an important part of my life. The Midwest, of course, provides one with a break. Autumn is the time your beds look great, weeds stop growing and you celebrate with colorful mums and ornamental kale. I’ve had my struggles with growing roses in the Midwest, but here in California, they grow like weeds. One of my favorite spring gardens in Des Moines contained wild bluebells and cornflowers. Spring in the Midwest is a RUSH. You don’t get that here, as something is always blooming. I do miss the RUSH.
SHOPPING AT TARGET AND FAMOUS FOOTWEAR. I’m a hands-on kind of person. I like to examine things myself, have never enjoyed bothering a salesperson. Buying my shoes at FF allows me to sit with as many pairs as I want, take my time, not wait for a salesperson to find my size. Target can often be a one-stop experience — oh and sometimes TJ Max is like that too. Online shopping is good for some things, but I have to try on shoes and when I order clothing online, it rarely works.
READING NEWSPAPERS AND NEWS MAGAZINES. Please note, we do recycle. But I love sitting with paper. I do read on the computer, get quick updates for political news on Twitter, but prefer print forms for all of my reading. Kindle or a book? THE BOOK.
CRAFTS. Today I’ve been painting a small table with milk paint from Michaels Craft Store. I am using Americana Decor Chalky Finish in a grey, called Artifact. I have painted picture frames, a mirror, a book shelf and numerous tables and chairs in my time. If I can, I do the work on my patio, listen to birdsong and enjoy the transformation.
*** Of course being with my husband and my family TOPS all of the above. I treasure the walks I take with my husband almost every day, the films we watch together, spending time with friends on Friday nights, any phone call with our far-away daughter (Boston) and far-away son (Chicago) as well as being with my close daughter and her family, our grandchildren, our son-in-law and my brother and his wife here in the LA area. Family is everything.
What are your favorite things? No more “warm woolen mittens” for me.
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April 29, 2018
Hey, Can I Get A Laugh? It Depends…
Actually, I’m eager to have you READ…my posts. Lately, I’m wondering if everyone has gone on vacation or your internet access has. That’s okay. We’re all busy. But often we humans are drawn to humor more than serious stuff–which is what I usually write. I enjoy humor immensely, but I can’t create it. Sorry.
Did you know that humor takes more brain power than the serious shit? Comedians with a verbal presentation are off whip-smart. Or their writers are. Because these are the folks that break through our coverups. Comedians are often our truth tellers.
LAUGHTER AND HEALTH
Laughter relieves tension. Laughter has been proven to boost the immune system by decreasing stress hormones and increasing immune cells and antibodies that ward off disease. WE ALL NEED TO LAUGH!
When writer Norman Cousins was diagnosed with a severe connective tissue disease, he made the decision to use humor as a cure. He read funny books, watched comedic films and played tricks on the nurses, like pretending to drink his urine sample which was really apple juice. In his book, Anatomy of an Illness As Perceived by the Patient, he recounted his experience that led to his recovery. The prestigious New England Journal of Medicine printed Cousins’ summary of his experience and his book became a best seller.
DAILY LIFE AND COMEDIC ELEMENTS
I love that women are now major contributors to comedy. Our POV is totally different from a male’s on many issues. Check out the series The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, the story of Midge Maisel who in 1958 in New York City, goes through a divorce and decides to become a stand-up comedian to help support her family. If you like Jewish humor, and I do, you’ll love this.
It’s essential to find humor in our own mistakes. It makes us human. Learning to bake a cake, I misread the directions and added 7 cups of milk to the flour instead of 7 tablespoons. The stick of butter, also called for, floated around like some yellow submarine. I kept thinking things would thicken as I used the mixer. No. Disaster. But now I can laugh about it. THAT IS THE SOURCE of most humor: a comedian looks at her life and turns the experience on its head. This from Eleanor Roosevelt: A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Mrs. FDR was in hot water a lot.
THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENCE DINNER
Last night Michelle Wolf was the stand-up at the annual WHCD, often called The Nerd Prom, because its attendees are writers that make their living reporting and dissecting the news. POTUS 45 did not attend, again. Such an absence calls for comedy directly aimed at him. And those that surround him. Wolf let it fly, explaining that Kelly Anne Conway has the perfect name for what she does, (Con) and by calling the Press Secretary a Liar.
Of course today this is blowing up on social media. As one reporter said, and this is not a direct quote, the content of the WHCD made some women clutch their pearls. I don’t wear pearls, so no clutching for me. Another commentator said that we now live in a time where each of us can be an equal opportunity offender. Maybe.
But in the aftermath of the joking, which is what always occurs and often is biting and nasty, their is truth. If the White House reflects crassness, accepts “locker room talk” about women and thinks it’s funny, then society will do the same. COMEDY FACES THE TRUTH. Whether it’s that you find yourself in hot water or have no idea how to bake a cake, COMEDY reveals human foibles.
Thus the words flying around during Wolf’s talk reflect unfairness to women in the past, hypocrisy in the present and the crass “Hey sorry but this is a fact” elements in her talk. FACT: FLINT MICHIGAN STILL DOES NOT HAVE CLEAN WATER. She could have said something about Puerto Rico too. Wolf’s condemnation of the current administration was that it is as helpful to women AS AN EMPTY BOX OF TAMPONS. I love that.
Not all news people agreed with Wolf’s anger and thus the tenor of her talk. Dana Milbank who writes for The Washington Post and EJ Dionne, also of the Post, decried the coarseness and awfulness, asking that instead we celebrate FREEDOM OF THE PRESS and out First Amendments rights by highlighting the lives of reporters who have died bringing to us the truths occurring world-wide. It’s a great idea. But I would argue that we also need to celebrate those in that room last night, though gowned and drinking wine, who work hard every day to bring us truths. So far, they are still living. And we need those truths. Michelle Wolf provided some hot ones.
Because by their very nature comedians are often offensive. They bring to us the underbelly of living. But our leaders need to stand up tall, quit the lies and defend our freedoms with honesty. Laughter? Sure we need it. But please. I would rather have serious stuff happening in the White House. Comedy Central can handle the rest. PS See–I always do better with the serious shit. Thanks for reading.
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April 22, 2018
There’s Magic in Numbers, Sometimes…
Art by Tomas Mayer
Though I was never one to LOVE MATH, numbers mean things to me–like birthdays. The numbers that proclaim the dates when my children were born or when I met my husband are like magic to me. In a group of numbers–those always stand out. And because that is a common trait for many people, it’s what we choose when picking numbers in a lottery or a roulette game. The number holds MAGIC for us. I’ve heard stories how a certain number became a winner. One in particular relates using a beloved athlete’s team number. That choice caused a huge win. When that happens, wouldn’t you try it again?
Numbers can elicit memories.
the numbers on the house you lived in as a child
your birth order in a large family– “I’m number two.” “You think that’s a big deal, I’m number nine.”
the year you graduated from college, married, had a child, got a great job
it’s also true that the number of a given year can be painful: someone you loved died, or you lost your job or got divorced or were diagnosed with some disease.
Numbers can be about smaller landmarks, things we check off on the journey of our lives.
runs or points scored in some amazing athletic event
amount of dollars won in a school writing contest
your GPA
scores on the SAT (I confess I have no memory of those numbers. I think I remember my ACT)
number of boyfriends or girlfriends one dated. There could be more numbers in this particular category, but that’s all I’ll say!
salaries! That’s a big one. Remembering can make you laugh. In my first teaching job I made $7,350. I will never forget that number.
BUT NOW MORE THAN EVER, IT’S TEST RESULTS
Yes, as we grow and change throughout our lives, numbers that apply to our physical well being become a big deal: your weight; in some cases, your height; your eyesight–is it 20/20? For me, never a day in my life! Then later on, and this is just part of life, it’s blood pressure, weight again, and all the numbers that appear on test results after a blood draw. There is information about measurements in your body that most of us never even considered in our youth. Now those numbers mean something, require attention either through exercise, medication, diet or the reduction of stress. Now a visit to a physician feels like MAGIC when your numbers are in the healthy range.
RESEARCH CONCERNING OUR FAVORITE NUMBERS
Can you guess which number from 1-100 is our favorite number, per careful research? It’s the number 7! Alex Bellos reports in The Guardian, that an online survey he launched revealed that almost 4,000 people pronounced the number 7 their favorite:
It cheers me up and gives me a feeling of comfort,” said a female participant, aged 48, from Norway.
“It has great symbolic value as an expression of Muslim belief and the miracles of God,” wrote a 25-year-old man in Lebanon.
“It is the best. Like a nice and clever woman,” added a Hungarian man, aged 20.
A survey done by Dan King of the National University of Singapore and Chris Janiszewski of the University of Florida asked participants if they liked, disliked or felt neutral about numbers from 1 to 100. Data revealed even numbers and ones ending in 5 are much better liked than the other odd numbers. The study revealed that we do react emotionally to numbers. And that our responses are often similar. They also deducted that people respond positively to numerical properties, the size of the number and its divisibility by either 2 or 5.
Bellos writes: So interesting, that our favourite number is 7, an odd number, when even numbers are more liked and seen as calmer and better than odd numbers…but in my survey, favourite numbers are much more likely to be odd than even, with a ratio of 60/40. Counter-intuitively, our favourite numbers are generally not the ones we like best or rate as good. Like is very different from love. (I thought all of that a little confusing.)
ONE LAST THOUGHT: THAT IS NOT CONFUSING. Number love or like also applies to the health of our planet.
TODAY IS EARTH DAY.
How are the earth’s number doing?
Since the Industrial Revolution, temperatures over land and ocean have gone up 0.8° to 1° Celsius (1.4° to 1.8° Fahrenheit), on average in that span of time. A prediction from scientists from 2013 states that temperatures could rise at least 2°C (3.6°F) by the end of the century under many plausible scenarios — and possibly 4°C or more. SOMETHING to think about for yourself and your children and your children’s children.
NUMBERS DO MATTER, whether they have magic properties for each one of us or not.
Thanks to THE ART OF TOMAS MAYER http://www.tomasmayer.com/index.html
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April 15, 2018
Drops Can Fill Buckets, Make Waves & Oceans
Sometimes we ask–what can I do? The situations we see others experiencing might make us want to lock our doors, find a way to hide out, count our own blessings. Then most often, guilt sets in. Is there a cure? Yes. There definitely is. Amanda Litman, author of Run for Something, A Real-Talk Guide to Fixing the System Yourself repeats a useful phrase: Where there’s a will (even a tiny one), there is a way.
And I know that each one of us can think back to many times when we were frozen in our tracks over something that had happened to a friend, something awful and we had no idea what to do. For me it was a friend’s house fire that severely damaged their home and burned one of their children. A visit to the hospital came first, but we were helpless there, truly. Then we asked and got an answer: take home clothing, bedding from the house and wash it over and over to rid it of the smoke smell. Take other clothing to the cleaners. We did. A small thing for us to do, a big thing in some way to help out.
DON’T ARGUE YOURSELF OUT OF HELPING
So you have children, a full time job, a parent to visit frequently. Or maybe you yourself are housebound for a medical reason. No matter what your situation, there is something you can do. Because–The cultural tumult of the past couple of years has awoken something in many of us. Newly gutsy advocates have gone up against forces much bigger than themselves and come out with even more conviction. THE OPRAH MAGAZINE.
And it’s not easy. Sometimes we worry how people will react, what they will say about us. But remember, there are many choices and every one of them can help someone else.
IDEAS TO CONSIDER & ESTIMATED TIME COMMITMENT
Whenever someone asks me to make a phone call to Congress or our local government, I do. I even tangled with a certain senator’s answering person. That’s okay. Here is the phone number for US Congress. 202-224-3121 You’ll be directed to the Senate or House and then to the person you want. 10 minutes a week
I have helped form a Resistance Group in my community. We are being very local–will be raising money for a woman running for our school board. We have interviewed her and others running for the same position. 2 hours a week
I confess to being a Twitter person. Now many people know where I stand on issues. And I educate myself every day about these issues. 5-10 minutes a day
I have a two friends who support animals rights and volunteer at shelters. Name your time.
Instead of being awash in many battles PICK ONE. Immigration, Black Lives Matter, Adopted or Ill Children, The Incarcerated, ESL (English as a second language), fund raising for any cause you believe in, volunteering–to help the homeless, become a caregiver, volunteer for schools, hospitals, charities, religious organization, battered women–the list is endless.
YES, WE ALL FEEL OVERWHELMED
You watch the news or hear people talking about it everywhere and it’s all consuming. If you are strong enough to just turn away, you will regret that. Take a stand. Activism is like exercise. The one that will WORK FOR YOU, is the ONE THAT ENGAGES YOU. So though you might feel overwhelmed by all the problems out there and all the choices to begin attacking those problems, TAKE YOU TIME. Find the right outlet.
IS THERE A DOWNSIDE? Again, in a major article in the OPRAH Magazine, the writers addressed some of those issues and I am adding a few more.
What will people think? On some issues I just speak right out. On others, I am more circumspect. Consider your audience. My next-door neighbor does not have the same politics I have, but she gets it that my husband helps the homeless. Regarding other issues, her answer was to “let that go by.” But she helps out at a food bank, so we each are entitled to our choices. BUT WE ALL NEED TO GET OUT THERE.
Some people worry about the economics involved. That’s okay too. If you educate yourself about issues through reading, then you will have the platform to discuss the issues with family and friends. In the end, you might get more people to support your local library, your school board, to vote in a local election, to care about gun laws.
For a year, I supported the ACLU with a monthly contribution. And I also, when I can, support my chosen political party. Try to contribute when there’s a double or triple match–wealthy donors raising your 10 or 20 dollars.
And if you have joined a volunteer organization, don’t hesitate to ask your family and friends for donations to that organization. That’s another way to spread the word, help those in need.
THINGS THAT ARE HAPPENING THAT I LOVE
More women running for office and WINNING. My favorite example: after the Women’s March of 2017, a Virginia CongressMAN was quoted as saying: I hope they all get home in time to cook dinner. A young woman heard that. This guy’s seat was up for re-election. So she ran against him AND she won!
People are using their cell phones to record discrimination and then sharing what they see to help that person’s case.
More books are being written about the lives of diverse people. Knowledge is power. You read about another’s life and you can always see HOW THEY ARE LIKE YOU.
Activism with large numbers of people participating brings about NEEDED CHANGE. Here are some amazing examples: the civil rights movement, suffrage, marriage equality, the Affordable Care Act, and laws that protect the rights and freedoms of women, children, the handicapped, and the mentally ill.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Are you passionate about an issue? Great. And remember, you don’t need special skills to help. Sometimes all you need is getting out there, opening your heart and offering your help. Your phone calls, your words to others, your volunteer hours are drops that fill buckets and finally make waves and oceans. A few weeks ago I mentioned in my blog, a piece in the LA Times about nursing. This week, a woman wrote in to respond to that very piece. She wrote: Thanks for bringing our attention to the most essential of human traits: the simple acts of everyday kindness.
You ready?? Your turn.
Thanks to YOU TUBE, ART.
A Special thanks to an article that really got me thinking:
WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO STAND UP FOR? in the most recent Oprah Magazine
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April 9, 2018
Being Truly Healthy Includes Putting Your Phone Away
Jonelle Summerfield
Life can sneak up on you. Habits change in increments and you might suddenly realize that your life has changed, that you no longer meet people in stores, no longer enjoy twenty minutes of silence while eating your lunch, no longer make time to call a friend, or enjoy sitting in the sunshine reading a magazine.
We make our own choices, but some of them are subtly made for us. The biggest change in the lives of many Americans is THE CELL PHONE. These instruments can be wonderful.
They allow connection to family and friends and an easy way to store the phone numbers for the library, the electrician, the plumber, the doctor etc;
They provide a certain amount of security on an journey, short, long, train, car;
Today my phone even reminded me of a friend’s birthday; I immediately called her;
But cell phones can also affect our health. You’ve already read about this:
They increase stress. Letting a phone always determine what your next action or decision will be takes away from the calmness of personal planning. Interruptions can increase your heart rate and blood pressure.
For young people who are trying to find a steady place in the world, info about what others are doing can make them question their own decisions, their place on the planet.These are mental health issues.
Eye strain and squinting can develop over time.
But even more importantly, our phones can distract us from basics of LIFE and its values–they can alter some of the good habits we used to have.
Saying hello to people when you are out in the community or even in a busy city connects you with another human. A smile from a stranger can increase endorphins. We were created to connect with others.
But now the ability to order everything online, on a phone and avoid the cityscape, the town center–changes drastically the American custom of walking into a store and shopping. This is not a good thing. Stores and malls provide connection with other humans. You meet people, talk to them, run into friends. Maybe that’s why people who travel to Europe and stay, enjoy the camaraderie of walking to “the shops” frequently for food and just to BE with other people. Yes, we still have the coffee shop, but could that also go away?
My husband and I enjoy going OUT to the theatre now and again, seeing a film on the big screen. But now people are eager to have a home theatre which will again keep them away from community. Come on people–get out there and smile at a stranger!!
Yesterday, I said hello to a fellow in my community, and on a bright Sunday afternoon, he just looked at me, earplugs in his ears. He didn’t hear me, didn’t make a connection. It’s a symbol of a small thing that will have larger consequences.
Eye Contact, Physical Touch, Personal Secrets and Quirks
We also have moved into a cultural phenomenon that allows people to work from home. This can be a good thing–as long as occasionally the folks in the business get together to talk about their progress, to debate ideas, to share a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. But even more importantly, to KNOW ONE ANOTHER. How awful to work with someone and not really know that they tell amazing jokes, know more about soccer than you do, or have written poetry all their lives.
Other jobs are geared to personal contact every day. Occupations that require you work out in the community as a teacher, nurse, as a member of the police, fire or social service network. These people have so much contact with others, that they crave the quiet room. And maybe the turned off phone.
The Bottom Line
This morning, with my phone off and a cup of coffee at hand, I read the NEWSPAPER. The physical newspaper. I do this every day. And there was a piece written by an RN, Christie Watson, who is also a novelist and has written a memoir, THE LANGUAGE OF KINDNESS. She writes that she recently helped an older woman simply by holding her hand, covering her with a blanket and letting her talk about her life. Watson writes: ...nursing remains the most undervalued of all professions. If how a society treats its most vulnerable is a measure of its humanity, then any nurse will tell you that humanity is in trouble. …Compassion and kindness are just slogans to earn likes on Instagram, not career goals. …our cultures promote isolationism and revere narcissism. We have abandoned empathy and community alone with it.
More and More Lonely People
Talking to another human being for five minutes can brighten their day. It also feeds our hearts, because though we might not be aware of it, we crave connection. That’s why the cell phone is so popular. Okay. Let’s transform that into a more HUMAN connection. Watson writes about a future situation where we might find ourselves nursing a loved one: And at that time, we will understand that the only things that matter in the end are the qualities that unite humanity, ones that are almost but not quite forgotten: compassion and kindness.
What do you think? Can you put your phone away today and talk to someone?
Thanks to Jonelle Summerfield’s amazing artwork.
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March 31, 2018
Where Oh Where Have Our Religious Leaders Gone?
“It is remarkable to hear religious leaders defend profanity, ridicule and cruelty as hallmarks of authenticity and dismiss decency as a dead language…(religious leaders) are providing religious cover for moral squalor–winking at trashy behavior and encouraging the unraveling of social restraints. These evangelical leaders have ceased to be moral leaders in any meaningful sense.” Michael Gerson in the Atlantic
Even if you never went to a church, but did attend some form of education–you have to know what the Golden Rule is--Do to others as you would have them do to you. And anyone who has a few brain cells clicking, knows that OTHERS means just that in all its variations: people you don’t know, neighbors, kids on the bus, the woman selling you carrots, the bus driver, the teacher. No matter how devoid you might be of good examples: WE KNOW WE DON’T PUNCH AND ATTACK OTHERS, CALL THEM NAMES, THROW THINGS AT THEM, DENIGRATE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
Until now. A major figure in our country encouraged people in his crowds and those working for him to do just that. DO UNTO OTHERS IN A NEGATIVE WAY- “Get that guy out of here. Lock her up. We don’t want his kind around, get rid of him.” Etc etc
NO MORAL COURAGE
Some folks in our amazing country have decided that being part of a mob is a good thing. You can’t be identified, you can shout all the foul language you want, you can punch and kick if it behoves you–because a person of power is urging you on. Actually, no one in those rallies had moral courage. They were all sheep. Maybe there were no whips and guns in those rallies, but giving people the freedom to do wrong ALWAYS leads to that. Nazi Germany, anyone?
Very upsetting. Destabilizing. Wrong. So under such circumstances who spoke out? Leaders? Only those on the other side and if you include religious leaders, most were silent. Or they went along, said nothing, pretended these things weren’t happening. And when the person leading the mob was elected, they were delighted to stand beside him in the White House and smile.
WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
Since then it has gotten increasingly worse. Laws are being enacted that harm the poor and the lesser among us. Because please note: the richest Americans get a $33,000 tax break under the GOP tax law. The poorest get $40. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? He would rise up and say Blessed are the poor. He might turn over some tables in Congress in anger that politicians are lining their pockets and forgetting about the populance they serve.
But many of today’s religious leaders have turned a blind eye and deaf ears to the bills being passed, the people dying or brushed aside and the leader continuing to provide example after example of his inability to at the very least set a good example for children. In a world where video is everywhere, YES, it’s hard to be totally appropriate ALL THE TIME, but then why be so INAPPROPRIATE MOST OF THE TIME.
And I won’t countenance, “Well, that’s who he is.” No. The mantle of office can change behavior. The kid who is mouthing off to his teachers through freshman and sophomore year and then realizes he wants to be senior class president, CHANGES. He or she adopts a new stance. Cleans up the act, so to speak.
SO WHERE ARE OUR RELIGIOUS LEADERS?
A few have spoken out. Most have not. They are simply going along, pretending that that these things aren’t happening. During a recent discussion on NPR, host Michael Martin spoke with some Evangelical Leaders. He raised the issue of Bill Clinton and his immoral choices. Rev. Jim Wallis answered that he called out Clinton: “I said his moral behavior is connected to governance. And a few of us said that and got critiqued from the left for saying so…But..there’s got to be consistency in this. And Donald Trump’s moral behavior is really – is really disgusting. It’s the antithesis of Christian values.”
Wallis stated that many Evangelicals are trying to ignore Trump’s lifestyle and behavior because they want abortion banned as well as same sex marriage. And many of them know this is a totally ethical dilemma for them.
EVEN THE COMPOSITION OF EVANGELICALS IS CHANGING
If evangelical communities are growing, it is mostly due to Latinos, one of the nation’s fastest-growing ethnic groups. White evangelicals tend to be older, but half of evangelicals under the age of 30 are nonwhite, and 18 percent are Latino. This change in the composition of evangelicals will increase, and that increase will alter who becomes a leader and what that leader stands for.
Because nonwhite evangelicals view politics from a different perspective and that could certainly alter who rises up to be leaders of these believers in the future.
WHERE DO CATHOLICS STAND?
That’s confusing too. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, when they meet, are mostly older white men. They are pro-life and also against same sex marriage, which puts them alongside many Evangelical leaders. However, the for trying to repeal the Affordable Care Act and are critical of his immigration policies. The head of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis, said he was confused when the current president ended the DACA program to protect young people from deportation.
As a Catholic who listens carefully to any announcement that is given during Mass, I don’t see a strong effort on my church to fight back at the injustices that are currently happening in my country. I hear bland statements that have little challenge in them–maybe not similar to Evangelicals who are willing to go to the White House and smile at a camera, but even so, not the strong statements that I think we should we hearing. Catholics by the thousands are just “going along.”
I have walked up to my pastor after church twice: once to remind him that a teacher who helped a minority student got JUST AS MUCH from that student, as the student got from her. (I know, I was a teacher.) He was a little put off. The second time, I thanked him for a prayer said after the riots in North Carolina. His reading from the LA Diocese seemed right to me. But sadly, there are too few coming from those who could say more.
But I did totally lose it with a visiting priest the Sunday after the election in 2017. He denigrated women. I don’t remember what he said exactly or what I said, but I reminded him that he must always talk about women in a positive way. I know I got to him, he stepped back from me. Well, good. Love you neighbor, Sir, and that includes every human on this earth, men and women.
Photo Credit: VOX P. S. Blessings on people of all faiths this Easter and Passover Season.
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March 24, 2018
THIS…March 24th, 2018
Washington D.C.
In honor of the students who marched in Washington DC today and the one million who marched with them–and all who marched across our great country and the world today, just these few words. From the students:
We’ve had enough. We are the generation that was born after Columbine. We have lived with this our entire lives and now it happened at our school. One student spent two hours in a closet just hiding–we are done hiding. America is done hiding.
“You may have brought the dark, but together we will shine the light.”
At the end of a town hall, survivors of the Parkland, Florida school shooting sang “Shine,” a song written by the students. Lyrics include:
You’re not going to knock us down
We’ll get back up again
You may have hurt us but I promise we are stronger and
We’re not going to let you win
We’re putting up a fight
You may have brought the dark
But together we will shine a light
These are amazing young people who are FIGHTING FOR THEIR LIVES. Hear them, please.
The power of people will overcome the people in power. (unknown)
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March 18, 2018
Politics Is Local–So Are Feelings
All Politics is local–a phrase and idea attributed to Tip O’Neill, who was the Speaker of the House of Representatives in 1977. The phrase captures the idea that representatives of their districts can do well and win re-election if they focus on the needs of their constituents. It’s a whittling down to the people, the cities, the square miles that they represent.
It’s also zeroing in on EMOTIONS.
Because our feelings are often localized–family first, neighborhood first. Faced with whether you are going to stay home to celebrate a family wedding or fly to attend a co-worker’s funeral is a tough choice. But family comes first. Closeness, the emotion connected to the choice wins out–emotions are local.
LOCAL VERSUS DISTANT TRAGEDY
Our emotions are bound to the place where we live, the people we know and love, the stores we shop in, the churches we attend. Local strikes at the core of our beliefs—we can watch an American city flood or experience a tornado, but if it’s OUR American city, we rise up, we try to help or we are overtaken by grief.
My husband and I went to our church Saturday afternoon. The priest asked us to pray for the people involved in the shooting at the Oaks Mall. WHAT?
That’s our hood, our shopping center. “The shooting” didn’t tell me enough. A woman next to me tossed it off as “domestic violence.” When I got home I immediately checked the internet. One woman dead, shot in the store where she was working, the man who shot her in custody. The epitome of local emotion. Photos in the newspaper and online the next day showing people fleeing, police cars everywhere, chaos.
Then I turned to the section where there’s a column I read every week. Last week it didn’t appear. This week, there it was with the headline: He Grew Up On These Pages…So Long, Son.
Oh, I thought, Chris E’s son has gone off to college. But reading further I discovered I was wrong, — Chris E’s son is dead.
I cried, sitting there reading the paper, yes, I cried. My emotions local. Chris is like a friend, a writer sharing stories of his life with humor his goal. This column would not be humorous, but of course I read it. And I will write to the paper, share my sorrow over this great loss.
WE NEED THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
I also get that LOCAL is where we begin and where we begin is what we love, even cherish and finally are willing to fight for.
Recognizing that connection to a place, a writer—is recognizing that the familiar uplifts us. It is what we search for–and when we think someone is going to change that (the Oaks Mall might no longer be a safe place to shop) we feel threatened and emotional. Chris’s son died on one of California’s freeways. I get that. It’s all so possible. Almost every time we drive the crazy 405, I find my heart rate increasing.
WHAT THE KIDS IN FLORIDA HAVE DONE
Today with the ability to connect on the internet with Facebook and blogs, with Twitter and Instagram is truly an amazing thing. There are pitfalls, but in many ways LOCAL has changed. The emotions of the young teens in Florida have come to us over the net. Their photos, the filming of their tears has touched us so that we are open to reaction. Some people agree with them, some do not. The platform for discussion is available to more people than ever before.
CHOICES
But in the end, people with jobs and families, people with responsibilities that fill their calendars will most often respond in a LOCAL fashion. If a law affects your safety; if a ruling affects the industry you work in, if a tragedy is down the street–you will respond. Sometimes you can only give money, or make a phone call or write a letter to an editor. Or tweet.
Or like me, sometimes you can only cry, feel helpless, sit at the counter in my kitchen on a sunny morning and grieve for Chris, for his son, for the tragedies that strike us. Human bonds are important in our complex world. Let’s use our connections for GOOD. Let’s reach out and provide a hand, a good word, join a group or write a check.
My husband works with teens who sometimes feel lost, need help, advice on how to plan the next month, the next year, set some goals. Today we attended a series of TED TALKS given by youth in our community. One of them was a young man my husband worked with and encouraged. All the talks were amazing, but this young man’s stood out. We cheered for him. We had tears. THIS IS LOCAL. THIS IS AWESOME. These are the human feelings that bind us together.
PHOTO CREDIT: Visit Oakland
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March 11, 2018
Do You Have a Preference: Female or Male Ob-Gyn?
Maybe all women have a story to tell when the word gynecologist is mentioned in conversation. My first visit with this medical specialty was with a male OB-GYN, because I wanted a script for birth control. There were two doctors in the practice that my friends had recommended. I got the crabby older one. He had absolutely no “how to relate to a patient” skills. I got the script, but it was my sister-in-law who was able to answer my questions.
MAJOR CHANGES IN OB-GYN PRACTICE
Things are much different in the practice of OB-GYN now. When I had my first daughter, my doctor was male. Same for my second daughter and sadly both of these men have died. I cared about both of them. But when I wanted to be pregnant a third time, I sought the help of an infertility specialist, who also happened to be male. In that practice, there was a female OB, but I didn’t find her as warm and caring as my male physician. He cared for me during the infertility workups and then when I did become pregnant with my son. The two of us bonded throughout my journey and he and his wife are still very close friends to me and my husband.
SOME STATISTICS: A recent article in the LA Times considered major changes in the Ob-Gyn Practice.
In the 1970s, 7% of gynecologists were women; now 59% are;
Now only about 17% of OB-GYN residents are men;
Now 82% of residents training to be OB-GYNs are women;
The proportion of female gynecologists is expected to hit two-thirds by 2025;
Outside of OB-GYN, fewer than 1/3 of doctors are women. Men dominate 37 of 42 other medical specialties;
But that is changing. Currently women make up a larger percentage of residents in these specialties: family medicine, pediatrics and psychiatry;
MANY REASONS FOR THE CHANGE
Women definitely had to fight for entrance into the once male-dominated world of medicine. Dr. Barbara Levy, who is now vice president for health policy in the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) remembers: “Nobody was worried at all that there weren’t enough women in OB in the 1970s. Nobody paid any attention to us.” Addressing how the practice has changed, Levy says: “There are no right numbers or wrong numbers for what our specialty looks like.”
But women, when choosing a provider in this medical specialty, often prefer another woman. A recent analysis of a major shift occurring in the practice underlines that patients can legally discriminate by sex, race or any other factor when choosing a physician…And because of the intimacy factor that this practice requires, some women feel more comfortable talking with a woman and being examined by a woman.
THE CULTURE, PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, OPINIONS
I might not have found my first OB doctor to be warm—he was not and I never went back to him. But I wasn’t afraid of his being a male. Some young and possibly even older women are. They have their reasons.
One patient related: “He touched me and I immediately lost it. As soon as I had spread my legs, I was in a really vulnerable place and I didn’t want to be in that position with a male.”
Dr. Jerome Chelliah specifically chose OB-GYN because of the prospect of getting to know his patients, caring for them over time, helping them bring their children into the world. Doctors like Chelliah would never want their female patients to fear them.
Daniel Spinosa thought he wanted to be an oncologist, but while doing his OB-GYN rotation in medical school realized he could develop meaningful relationships with his patients. Other male doctors have stayed in the practice because their field is dedicated to LIFE, not DEATH, and they enjoy the unique mix of clinical and surgical work.
THERE CAN BE A NEGATIVE SIDE WITH EITHER GENDER
During the time I was a maternity nurse, I worked with medical students and residents at a tertiary care center in Chicago. And I witnessed these young men and women under incredible stress—no sleep, under the tutelage of older experienced physicians who often didn’t have the patience to teach, were worried about outcomes and shouted out confusing orders.
Some residents and interns rose to the occasion and I could see that they would become good doctors. And in my humble experience and opinion, there was no determinant that indicated one sex would do better than the other.
I had a patient in the delivery room, fully dilated and ready to push. Because the patient’s doctor was running late, the male resident decided it would be better if the women DID NOT DELIVER until the doctor arrived. He told me to tell the patient to PANT. You don’t tell a woman to PANT when she wants to PUSH—I told her to go ahead. She delivered, he did the work. Later, the doctor arrived and congratulated me on that call.
One night working with a difficult patient who had been spotting, I consulted with the female resident, suggesting that we discharge this woman because patient teaching was done and she was more than eager to go home. The resident said no. The patient became unglued, so I went over the resident’s head and called the attending on duty, presented the problem. He said to discharge the woman. The female resident chewed me out, insisting the woman would go home and drink, that I was weak around these patients!
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR EXPERIENCE?
If you find a good OB-GYN who will treat you for decades, help you find the right birth control, care for you during your pregnancies, and hold your hand during menopause, I say hang on to that person whether male or female. In the end, the patient makes the decision. In a recent study, some women stated they preferred male OB-GYNS by 8%, according to a review of 23 studies. Why: males are gentler and better listeners, they take each individual concern more seriously—perhaps to overcome some stereotype or perhaps because they are empathetic individuals who find the practice challenging and rewarding. But I’m sure there’s a study somewhere that would say the exact opposite. What’s awesome, is that now women have a choice. Do you have a preference and if so, why?
Photo: Huffington Post
For more on this topic: https://drjengunter.wordpress.com/2018/03/08/are-there-too-many-women-in-ob-gyn/#respond
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