Francesca Bossert's Blog, page 46
April 18, 2024
SMELLY MAN
There’s someone sitting near to me,
Who needs a wash quite urgently.
That acrid smell of armpit juice,
And morning breath is quite uncouth.
He looks so smart,
His hair is neat
The stinky stuff is underneath.
He hanky pankied through the night
And had to catch this early flight.
At least that’s what I’m suspecting
Just judging from his goofy grin.
I might hand him a towelette
To rub the stink with something wet.
Would that be rude? Do you approve?
Or should I just ask him to move?
Please tell me quick, what would you do
With a stinky man sitting next to you?
April 17, 2024
AURA
Your aura needed new wiring
You overglowed.
Don’t squander your twinkle!
It’s far too precious
To those who love you.
Get well soon ❤️
For John, April 17, 2024
April 16, 2024
FUNKY CAR / AKA FIFTY SHADES OF MIDNIGHT EXPRESS
The exotic joy of turquoise leather,
The diamond-studded roof.
Think Sheherazade does Rich Housewives of Boratstan.
The mustachioed chauffeur,
Beaming with pride
Over the luminescent built-in mini-bar.
The passive aggressive aroma
Of air freshener aiming for
Shalimar yet instead hurtling towards the supermarket loo.
The sudden undulations,
- Dare I say intrepid moves? -
Through irate traffic.
The blonde twit, AKA moi,
Repeatedly bag delving,
For lip gloss and iPhone and notebook.
EXT: - Arrival at Six Senses Hotel, Istambul.
Retrieval of bags and suitcases.
“Thank you so much, have a good day.”
INT. - Six Senses reception - Afternoon
Good afternoon Mr and Mrs Bossert, welcome to the Six Senses Hotel. How was your trip?
Blablabla
May I have your passports please?
Fumble fumble fumble.
My husband hands over his Swiss passport
I continue to fumble as the sweat begins to pearl on my forehead and my stomach drops further and further into the depths of my pelvis.
WHERE IS MY EFFING PASSPORT?
LOST!! WAIT…
MAYBE IN THE CAR? QUICK, CALL THE CAR!
PHONE WILL NOT WORK BECAUSE BLONDE TWIT /AKA MOI UPLOADED A REEL ON LANDING, FORGETTING THAT TURKEY IS NOT PART OF THE EUROPEAN UNION, AND THUS GOBBLING ALL HER DATA IN ONE SILLY ALPINE MOUNTAINOUS GULP, SO CANNOT CALL THE CAR, NOR EVEN CONNECT TO WIFI FOR SOME VERY DISTRESSING REASON.
BLONDE TWIT IMMEDIATELY BECOMES INTERNALLY HIYTERICAL, HAVING VISIONS OF MIDNIGHT EXPRESS.
HER COLITIS BEGINS TO FLARE.
SOMEONE PLEASE, BRING HER A BARREL OF SIX SENSES SMELLING SALTS AT THE PRICE OF BAZILLIONS, AND CHARGE IT TO THE ROOM!
ARGH!
LONG STORY SHORT: my husband makes a call, and the number the car is found, and moustachioed man is messaged and:
INT. : Miles away from Six Senses - car - afternoon.
The clash of turquoise leather…
With red SWISS PASSPORT!
INT.: Int. Six Senses Hotel Reception -
Photo of passport belonging to BLONDE TWIT appears on iPhone.
CUE Maypole dancing and white wine drinking! May the festivities begin!
Hours later, the mustachioed, traffic dodging, turquoise interior loving, luminescent mini-bar afficionado, odour-resistant chauffeur returns passport to reception and blonde TWIT/AKA MOI is spared the MIDNIGHT EXPRESS experience.
HE IS MY SUPERHERO!
FUNKY CAR
The exotic joy of turquoise leather,
The diamond-studded roof
Like a thousand-and-one stars.
The mustachioed chauffeur,
Beaming with pride
Introducing the built-in mini-bar.
The passive aggressive aroma
Of air freshener aiming for
Shalimar.
The sudden undulations,
- Dare I say intrepid moves? -
Through irate traffic.
The blonde twit
Repeatedly bag delving,
For lip gloss and iPhone.
The clash of turquoise leather
With Swiss red.
Hours later, this mustachioed, traffic dodging, turquoise interior loving, mini-bar afficionado, odour-resistant chauffeur returned my passport!
MY HERO!
April 15, 2024
PLANE PUFF
Mountains of ideas
Threads interwoven in plane puff
On a blue backdrop
How much is a private jet?
LANDMARK
She struggled to eat her gold-dipped burger
With her landmark lips.
Meanwhile Jimmy chewed.
PALM READER
She sat in silence,
Palms proffered,
On a bench facing the sea.
And I wondered what she hoped to learn from the Great Palm Reader in the sky.
He sat in silence,
Palms cupping his testicles,
On a bench facing the sea.
And I wondered what he hoped to hide from the Great Palm Reader in the sky.
BOHEMIAN (Istambul)
Fetchingly shabby
With frequent bursts
Of bohemian beauty.
YOU
For Natasha and Omer
You smiled,
Framing your radiance
On my forever.
I love us.
April 13, 2024
SUN TICKLE
Tickle my toes
With your warm April rays
Toast my pale legs
Bravely out on display.
Shimmy with the wind
Sprinkle twinkles on the bay
Release those floral giggles
Those bright colors we all crave!
