Debraj Bhattacharya's Blog, page 2

The Time Machine

Suddenly the fan stopped, the lights went off and everything became dark. “What happened?” asked Somnath, “Power cut or cable fault? Hope not cable fault. In this heat that would be terrible.”

“Where is the candle? Can you light the candle?” Roma asked, still feeling somewhat dazed.

Power cuts has become a rarity is recent times and therefore the elaborate preparations that they used to have for “loadshedding” during the eighties and early nineties was no more. Those days several hours of power cut in the evening was routine, so much so that “loadshedding” began to influence fashion also and film stars were seen wearing “loadshedding” shirts or “laodshedding” saris. This usually meant a mixture of dark and light shades of the same colour. There were all sorts of alternatives to electricity – lamps, candles, battery operated inverters and diesel operated generators.

Santosh and Roma were in their early forties then. Life was hard but also exciting in their own small ways. Santosh was busy with his office; Roma had just joined a school as a teacher. Their only child, Shibobroto, had shown promise of being an exceptionally bright student and so their ambition circulating around their son had no limits. Shibobroto was fed generous dose of nutritious supplementary food, given the best possible tuition support in different science subjects so that he could one day get into Indian Institute of Technology and from there to a foreign university. Shibobroto used to study hard even when there were power cuts and Santosh and Roma used to look after him in the evening and even sacrificed the television shows they loved so much, especially Hum Log. Santosh took a loan from his office cooperative to buy an inverter, at that point in time as much a rarity in the neighbourhood as a colour TV.

“Can you remember where the candles are?” Santosh asked Roma. “I don’t remember, may be in the study table, I am not sure.” Santosh felt a little irritated as he usually does when he feels stressed. “You can’t remember anything these days,” he said. “As if you can”, Roma said while waiting for her eyes to adjust to the darkness.

“You sit, I will find it…you may fall and break your bones.” said Santosh. “Ha, I know every inch of this place, you sit quietly where you are, I will get it. I think it is in the kitchen, the second shelf on the left.”

Santosh sat down like an obedient child. Roma slowly began to feel her way through the furniture of the living room where they were watching TV, first she negotiated the table in front of the sofa, then she turned right and she knew that the dining table would be somewhere to her left and she must ensure she did not hit one of the chairs. So she turned slightly towards the right and then went passed the dining table and the chairs and felt one of the chairs with her left hand and then after a few steps she could feel the wall to her right which she then touched with her right hand and then she turned right towards the kitchen. Inside the kitchen it was better, a little bit of light from outside was streaming in. She could more or less understand the contours of the gas oven and the shelves. Then she felt her way up the second shelf where she thought the candle and the match box was kept. “Yes!” she exclaimed as she felt the soft skin of the candle. The match box was kept right next to the candle in her usual organized manner. “Have you found it?” Santosh asked from the living room. “Yes, yes, I have, I told you I will be able to find it. Just for a moment forgot where I had kept it.” Roma sounded relieved and happy. She struck the match and yellow light came out along with a hissing sound. She took the candle on her left hand to the flame and lighted the candle. The darkness receded and she could feel her breath coming back to normal.

She walked back into the living room like a triumphant general. Now that the light was there she could again be herself. She reclined the candle so that the molten wax could fall on the ceramic plate and then before the wax could solidify she pasted the bottom of the candle on the molten wax so that the candle could stand still on its own.

“Tomorrow I shall go and buy an inverter.” Santosh said.

Roma said wiping the sweat off her forehead with her sari, “There you go. Where from will the money come, thought of that?” Her voice was not angry, just amused.

It was not always so amusing. Santosh in his younger days had no financial discipline. He earned like a middle-class man but dreamt of himself as a feudal lord, a zamindar. Hardly ever managed to save anything. He dreamt of becoming a great writer, he dreamt of changing the world with the scratch of his pen, he dreamt of a new civilization while reading Adwaita Mallabarman, he dreamt of a prosperous, modern India, he dreamt of a Kolkata buzzing with excitement and creative fervor, he dreamt of every child going to school and nobody living in hunger.

Roma had only one dream – his son would go to the US and earn in dollars so that their future would be secure. So that at the end of the month she would not need to worry about how to run the kitchen. So that they could have a car to move around. Of course she also dreamt of her son having a happy marriage and a joyous family life that would have none of the daily struggle of her life. But deep inside her she was a little selfish.

Santosh looked at Roma. Over the years her face has become wrinkled, her eyes somewhat tired. She could not keep her weight under control and acquired layers of fats that she could do without. But to Santosh she was still the serene young woman whom he first met forty years ago.

“You are looking beautiful in the candle light.”

He said, almost as if he was transported to the day he first saw her at his friend’s birthday. Roma was somewhat startled by the comment. She was sixty-nine and he was seventy-two, married for forty years. So this was hardly what she was expecting to hear. However it was not possible for her to hide a faint smile. After all she heard him say this after a long time. She sat down in the sofa next to Santosh.

“ I hope the power comes back soon.” She said.“Sometimes darkness is not so bad.” He said.

Roma remained silent for a while. In the silence they could hear the wall clock tick. Then she said, “why?”

Santosh kept silent for a few seconds and they could again hear the clock tick.

Santosh: May be because one can imagine that we have not really become old, that the clock has gone back forty years.

Roma: Why this sudden romantic mood?

Santosh: Not sure whether it is romance or regret. May be the clock could turn back and we could go back and re-live our lives, minus the mistakes.

Roma: What mistakes?

Santosh: May be I would have spent less time dreaming about becoming a writer and spending more time to earn some money.

Roma: May be I should have been less afraid, I don’t know, what’s the point?

Santosh could feel drops of sweat falling from his forehead. Another stream flowing down his back. There was silence once more. Roma could hear her own heart beating. If only this organ inside her had stopped pumping blood through her body! But then if she died who would look after her dreamer husband?

After all, Shibobroto was no more. He could not take the pressure of IIT and hung himself from the roof of his room. That night Roma came to understand how dark her soul really was. She had pushed her son relentlessly to win in the rat race, when he was a bit like his father, a dreamer. He wanted to become a social worker. Roma ruthlessly destroyed all such ambitions in him through emotional manipulation. He was made to feel guilty of the fact that his parents, especially she had made enormous sacrifices for his sake. It was therefore his duty to go to IIT, do well and then get a good job abroad.

Santosh: What are you thinking?

Roma: Nothing.

Once more silence. The tick tock of the clock.

Although Roma said “nothing”, Santosh could understand what she was thinking. On the wall in front him was Shibobroto’s photo. Smiling. Bright. Eyes full of dreams.

Santosh: It was not your fault, I didn’t earn enough. Hence you felt insecure.

“Why did you continue to love me even after that?” Roma asked, looking out towards the empty wall in front of her.

Both of them kept silent. Then Santosh tightly gripped her hand. “One day we will take the time machine and go back. And start all over again. You will see.” He said.

The clock ticked tick tock, tick tock.