Wil Wheaton's Blog, page 38
January 15, 2017
The Tale of the Wicked
[image error][image error]I’m currently rereading Dune, and it’s even more amazing than I remember, probably because I am not 12 years-old anymore, and I can appreciate things now that I didn’t even know existed, then. My copy is a glorious hardback, so I can’t read it in bed after Anne has gone to sleep, on account of the “fucking light that’s so goddamn bright and why is it on after midnight”. This means that when I can’t read Dune before bed, I read something on my Kindle, so there is isn’t enough light to earn me The Wrath Of Anne Wheaton.
A few nights ago, I had finished an old Asimov Robot story that I got in a Humble Bundle, and when I went back to my homescreen, my Kindle recommended a short story from Scalzi, called The Tale of the Wicked. It is described thusly:
Captain Michael Obwije of the Confederation Armed Forces has been hunting a Tarin battle cruiser in a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse. But when he orders his own ship in for the killing blow, the hot pursuit turns into a potentially more dangerous situation. One with implications for the entire Confederation.
That’s more than I knew when I bought it. In fact, all I knew when I bought it was that it was a short Scalzi story that cost 99 cents. For the record, that’s typically all I need to know to go ahead and make that kind of purchase.
It’s short and I think even that official description tells you more than you need to know, so I won’t spoil anything for you by adding my own details. I will say that I rated it 5 out of 5, and I would like very much to adapt it into a screenplay, if John hasn’t already made a deal to do that.
You can read it in under an hour, and if you’re like me, and thought that Zachary Quinto did the audio version of it, you can hear it in his voice while you read it, which is pretty nice. Or you could imagine that it’s me, which is not as nice, but is still kinda nice.
January 14, 2017
The 2017 College League Blades of Steel Tournament – Round Two
It was another 20ish minutes of furious action, here in Konami Arena, as the Los Angeleses Hockey Guys from Los Angeles took on The Team from Chicago in the second round of .
Fresh off a commanding victory in , Los Angeles controlled much of the first period, getting several scoring opportunities from All The Guys, including two breakaways that even a monkey could have scored so what the hell, man. But it was The Chicagos who scored first, halfway into the first period when That Player Guy intercepted a pass in the neutral zone and scored from the blue line.
The Los Angeleses tied the score seconds later, when The Faceoff Guy won the draw, skated back around The Defence Guy, and then fired a wrist shot from the faceoff circle that beat the Chicago goalie on the far side.
The ensuing celebration dance was exceptionally funky, even by tournament standards.
The Chicago scored near the end of the period, after That Chicago Guy knocked down The Los Angeles Guy, and fired a rocket that the goalie totally saved, but whatever I guess it went in. Then, with just seconds left in the first, Los Angeles scored again off the faceoff, as time expired in the period.
The second period got off to an exciting start, with an early penalty shot for The Los Angeleses. Possibly remembering his failure to score in the game against the New Yorks, Los Angeles Left Winger The Same Guy, scored over the Chicago goalie’s glove side, to give his team the lead.
Less than one minute later, Chicago tied the game again, when the Los Angeles Guy couldn’t get the goddamn puck behind his own net for some reason, even though the goalie should have been able to pick it up and pass it to him, leading to the Chicago guy passing to the other guy who passed to the other guy who passed to one more guy for a quick shot that the goalie never saw because his entire team was trying to figure out where the hell the puck was. Los Angeles fought back — literally — but didn’t score on any of their power plays, allowing Chicago to take the lead back with a goal that the Los Angeles goalie was pretty sure he had, because the arrow was next to the post and he had position so he should have made the save, but collision detection wasn’t as precise in the 80s as it is now I guess.
Los Angeles was able to tie with a pair of unanswered goals, including a buzzer-beating slapshot from the red line that was pretty awesome. 
Both teams continued their fast and aggressive play to start the third period. That Guy from Los Angeles had several great opportunities to score, but couldn’t get the goddamn aiming arrow to move for some reason. This Dumb Guy from Chicago picked up one of That Guy’s rebounds, and skated around the entire Los Angeles team, sneaking the puck past the goalie, who was out of position.
Los Angeles answered quickly, again scoring off the faceoff from just inside the blue line with a gorgeous backhander that snuck between the Chicago goalie and the near post. 
The score remained tied until 6:11 remained in the period. Chicago’s Exhibition Season MVP, That Guy There, knocked My Guy from Los Angeles off the puck at center ice, and skated in deep. He shot from the slot, and the Los Angeles goalie made a huge save, but couldn’t control the rebound. That Guy There picked it up, skated all the way back out of the zone, and fired a long shot from just outside the blue line. The Los Angeles goalie apparently never had a chance to stop the shot, which went right past him in the center of the net, where he thought he was positioned to make the save. Chicago took the lead with time running out, and Los Angeles called a time out.
Energy in the arena was at a fever pitch. Something that sounded like a whistle joined some static that could be the cheering of the crowd, as the arena organist played a royalty-free, public domain chiptune. The Los Angeleses got ready for the face off, moving a couple of their guys around just before the referee announced “FACE OFF!” The Center Guy for Los Angeles won the puck, and skated back toward his own zone, before passing it at his own blue line to his goalie for some reason, even though he had a guy wide open at center ice. The Chicago Guy rushed toward the next, and fell down in the goal crease, allowing the goalie to pass it up ice. Two quick passes from One Guy to Another Guy Who Looks Just LIke Him got the puck into the Chicago zone, where This Guy fired a shot from the near boards that sailed past the goalie, to tie the score with just two minutes left.
With the score tied at 8, the game went to a shootout.
Los Angeles sent This Guy in the Purple Pants to the line, and he scored on the glove side. Then Chicago scored down low to tie, past a goalie who knew that’s where the shot was headed, but slid to the side anyway for some reason.
With the game on the line, Chicago’s own This Fucking Guy shot the puck to the stick side. The Los Angeles goalie saw it all the way, and moved to the side to stop it, but then the puck literally went right through him for some reason, and the Chicago Chicagos defeated The Los Angeles Los Angeleses by a final score of 3-2 in the bullshit shootout.
In his post-game press conference, the Los Angeles coach expressed frustration with his team. “We tell them to ‘make the pass, make the pass,’ but some of them are still doing ‘with the pass, with the pass’. That can get the team out of sync, and in a competitive league like this one, every mistake is going to hurt you.” Asked if he’ll be back for another tournament, the coach said, “Oh yeah. After a loss like this, you want to just throw up your hands and go play Zelda or maybe RC Pro-Am or something, but you always end up coming back for another game. I mean, let’s be honest, an entire tournament here takes less time than one game in Baseball, and we have much better graphics.”
The Chicago players from Chicago were jubilant after the game, posing for pictures and shaking their sticks in the air. They will go on to face the winner of the Edmonton / Vancouver game for the championship that nobody cares about, because the Los Angeleses are out of the tournament.
January 13, 2017
The 2017 College League Blades of Steel Tournament – Round One
It was an exciting afternoon, here at Konami Arena, as the Los Angeles … um … Los Angeleses looked to win their first championship of the year, opening the tournament against the New York … New Yorks.
The first period was scoreless until that one guy took a pass from the other guy and got the puck past the New York goalie, putting Los Angeles on the board. The period would end with Los Angeles leading 2-0.
The Los Angeleses scored twice in the second, taking a commanding lead, though The One Guy for Los Angeles didn’t score on his penalty shot, even though he “totally fucking should have that was bullshit what the fuck.” At the end of two periods, the score was New York 1, Los Angeles 4. The New Yorks cut the lead to 2, when they scored on the powerplay early in the third period. The goal was credited to That Other Guy who had the puck at center ice and somehow scored from the red line, even though the Los Angeleses goalie was totally over the arrow, and who even scores from center ice, anyway?
The Los Angeleses were held to a single goal in the third, which came from breakout rookie That Guy There, and the New Yorks got close with a goal scored on the power play, but the Los Angeles Los Angeleses held on to win the game, by a score of 5-3. This Guy Here had two goals and two assists, to earn the first star of the game.
After the game, The Guy from Los Angeles told reporters, “I was just trying to get the puck into the net, and when I didn’t have the puck, crash into the New York guy enough to knock him down, or maybe start a fight. Usually it’s the Other Guy, or That One Other Guy who does the fights, but when your team tells you to fight, you drop the gloves and try to knock the other guy down before he puts you into the penalty box.”
New York goalie, The Goalie, said that he knew the Los Angeles guy would shoot the penalty shot right into him, so “I just stood up like an idiot and made the save because whatever.” New York’s enforcer, that guy there, said that he wouldn’t do anything differently. “I just try to make the pass, make the pass, and fight,” he told reporters.
Up next for the Los Angeleses is The Chicago, who defeated the Torontos in their first round matchup.
January 12, 2017
signal0090
It’s late, and I’m tired, but I really don’t want to break the chain of daily posts.
So here’s me, from a few mornings ago, in the early stages of my daily bootup sequence.
January 11, 2017
Because it’s a FAQ: 2-Player Tabletop Games
A few times a week, I am asked by couples to recommend some two player Tabletop games for them to play. This is a very short, totally non-exhaustive list of (mostly lighter) games that I love to play with Anne, as well as some other games that aren’t her jam, but are still pretty great.
The idea is to take pieces that are basically Tetris shaped, and lay them down on a board, following some simple placement rules. The objective is to use up all of your pieces, or have fewer pieces left than anyone else when you run out of places to put them. It’s super simple to teach and learn, and way more difficult to master than you would expect. There’s a regular Blokus that’s for up to four players, and a version that uses triangles. This travel version is perfect for, well, traveling, and also is specifically designed for two players.
Jaipur is a very simple set collecting card game for two players. It’s portable, and has great replay value because it allows a lot of different strategies to be explored and utilized.
You may have seen us play Small World on Tabletop in the first season. It’s sort of like Risk, but more fun. It’s an area control game, and each player has a fantasy race + special ability combo that changes every game, or multiple times during the game, if they choose. One of the great things about Small World is that it comes with multiple maps in the box, and each map is designed for a different number of players, including a two-player map.
Pretty much any cooperative game will work for two players, or even as a solo game, but I think Pandemic is the best one for couples because it’s so freaking intense. You feel like you’re losing from the first turn, and that’s half the fun of the game. I’m not saying that it lends itself to strip variants, but I’m not not saying that. I should also mention that Pandemic Legacy is fantastic for two players, especially if you want to have the experience of watching a season of a TV show together, only you’re playing it and everyone on Earth is going to die if you fail.
Yes, Sorry! from Milton Bradley. This is the go-to game for Anne and me, because I hate Scrabble. This game is almost entirely random, but there is some strategy if you really want to go that route. It’s great for two players, especially if you want to have a drink or eleven while you play.
Ticket To Ride is a great infection vector for making new gamers, and this expansion is specifically designed for 2 or 3 players. You can technically play any of the TTR games with 2 players, but you run into the problems a large map presents, which (in my opinion) just make the game longer and less fun. So this particular map works well for 2 players, and works with either the original Ticket To Ride or Europe base sets.
Both are little card games that feature pattern matching and team work. Iota is more competitive, and plays like Set in reverse.
One of my favorite Tabletop games of all time, Takenoko is high variance when you play it with 4 players, but intensely strategic when you play it heads up.
Finally, there is also Magic: The Gathering (duh) and my friend Chris Kluwe’s upcoming Twilight of the Gods LCG. If you want something that’s intense and takes hours and hours to play, Twilight Struggle gets high marks from my friends who play it.
I’m sure there are a lot of other games (tell me in a comment, if you want) that work well for two players, but this is what I can come up with quickly off the top of my head, and I have 23 pages of dialog to prepare for a voice session tomorrow so I kinda have to get back to work.
Play more (two-player) games!!
Edit to add: HIVE! This was mentioned in comments (with a lot of other games that look really fun, but haven’t been played by me) and I need to add it. Hive is amazing. It’s everything you love about Chess and Othello and Go, with none of the things that make those games so difficult for new players. Rich Sommer introduced me to this game one night at a little coffee and pie place in North Hollywood, and what we thought would be a quick cup of coffee turned into like four hours of us playing Hive over and over and over. It’s really awesome. Get the pocket edition, because it’s portable and you lose nothing in the translation.
January 10, 2017
January 9, 2017
all we have to do is keep talking
Back in the Before Times, we’d go to a blog, read the post, read the comments, add a comment, and (usually) encounter interesting people who engaged us in interesting conversation. That probably feels like a fairytale to a lot of you, but it still happens here, because I think I’ve used a combination of no-fuck-giving and the banhammer to push away most of the idiots who would waste our time being dicks and just trying to disrupt our ability to communicate with each other.
Still, I imagine that a substantial percentage of you don’t have the time or interest to read what other people have to say, so it is for all of you that I am sharing this conversation I had over the weekend. I think you’ll dig it as much as I did.
In the comments to my post nebulat ergo cogito, Stephanie said
This is really beautifully written and I sincerely enjoyed reading it.
Nitpick/ question : If your title is “Fog therefore I think” then there’s a typo in your latin. There shouldn’t be a “t” on the end of “nebulat” because nouns in the in the nominative singular don’t change their endings. If you wanted it to be “I fog therefore I think” as a play on cogito (I think) ergo (therefore) sum (I am) I’d recommend adding an “ego” which is latin for “I” because nebula won’t function as a verb. Or for “fog is therefore I think” I might try “nebula est ergo cogito” Unless your title is meant to be something else and I missed it?
Latin grammar nazi
January 8, 2017
i am disrespectful to dirt
Happy Sunday.
January 7, 2017
this soylent green is not people
Every day last week, I had a light night followed by an early morning. I averaged 6 hours of sleep, so when the alarm went off earlier today so I could wake up in time to go to the hockey game, I smashed it with Thor’s Hammer and went back to sleep. I’ve only been awake for an hour, which disappoints the part of me that wants to wring every second out of every day, but satisfies the part of me that is like “shut up with that Type A shit for a minute and accept that you can sleep as long as you need to on the goddamn weekend every now and then.”
So I recalibrated my day. When I finish this coffee, I’ll have another coffee. I’ll probably make some oatmeal pancakes because that’s been on my mind all week long, and then I’ll clean up and organize my office, then my game room, and finally my kitchen. It will eventually be a busy, productive day in Castle Wheaton.
But at the moment, I’m having this coffee and listening to the classic Ambient album Earth to Infinity, by Deep Space Network, while I get my day slowly started.
As I do from time to time, I’m going to evangelize about this album, which is perfect for background music and active listening, depending on how much of a journey you want to take. So as I say from time to time, if you want some ambient in your life (you need it already, whether you know it or not), here’s one of the greatest tracks off this album, Soylent Green:
This album is nearly impossible to find, because it went out of print within minutes of its release. If you can track it down, though, it’s worth the effort.
January 6, 2017
nebulat ergo cogito
The rain was coming down steadily when I walked to my car. By the time I got in and closed the door, I was cold and wet, water dripping off my hair, down my neck and into my eyes. I turned the key, and my headlights came on. Through the raindrops on my window, the reflected taillights of the car parked in front of me looked like stained glass. The trees, shrubs, and houses up the block looked like an impressionist painting.
I wiped as much water off my head and face as I could. It was running down my back, now, and I shivered. I still didn’t regret not bringing an umbrella. It never rains in Southern California, as they sang in 1972, so when we get a brief storm, I like to experience it to the fullest.
I started the car, and pushed a button on my steering column. The impressionist painting and stained glass were wiped away, revealing the stark realism of a residential street in the hills, a small, muddy river beginning to flow down the center of it.
I pulled away from the curb and began what would be a very slow drive home, through dark and winding streets that eventually put me up onto Mulholland, where I entered fog so thick, it could have been a cloudbank. The rain continued to fall, making the puddles on the road deeper than I expected. Winding across the spine of the hills that separate Hollywood from The Valley, the fog enveloped me, reflected my headlights back to me, turning the entirety of the world outside my car into a short stretch of pavement surrounded by a nearly uniform grey blob. I turned off the radio, my only tangible connection to the rest of humanity, and imagined that I was alone in a space between worlds.
I followed the slow turns, past the occasional suggestion of a hillside, a fence, or a turnout. The rain came down harder, mixing with the fog and my headlights to create a whiteout. I slowed my car, almost to a stop, and silently waited for reality to finish buffering.
