Wil Wheaton's Blog, page 3

in which a memory is created with my son

I went to my first Los Angeles Kings game around 1986, when they still played at the Forum, wore the original uniforms, and weren’t a playoff team.

By the end of the first period, my fandom was cemented. I loved how fast the game moved. I loved how weird it was to play ice hockey in Southern California. I loved that nobody I knew was into hockey, so this was something that belonged to me. In the 80s, being a hockey fan in LA was to be part of a subculture that took a little bit of work. Like, it was easy to be a Lakers fan during Showtime. The Dodgers weren’t that great in the mid-80s, but by 1988 they were in the World Series again, while the Kings were pretty mid, if my memory is correct.

Years and years ago, I wrote something about how much I loved getting off of work at Paramount, driving down La Cienega through the oil fields, and sneaking into Inglewood around the traffic on the 405 and 110. I would have been 16 or so, maybe just barely 17, when Gretzky came to the Kings, and my subculture exploded into very mainstream Los Angeles sports culture. I took an extended break from the NHL — and all sports, really — when my kids were little. We couldn’t justify the expense for tickets, and when I had a choice between going out for something or staying home and enjoying my family’s company, I always stayed home.

But in … I think it was 2010? 2011? … the Kings were in the playoffs against St. Louis, a couple seasons before they won their first Stanley Cup. I knew from experience that there is nothing in the world like playoff hockey, and that I had my best chance to introduce Anne to the sport, the team, and that part of me. So we went to game 3 of the series (I’m going from memory. I could look all this up and be sure about the dates, but I’m going to write this parenthetical, instead.) We sat behind the goal, about 7 rows up, not the best place to get a full view of the game and watch plays develop, but really great for dropping you right into the middle of the whole thing.

Anne was completely on board by like the third or fourth whistle. She was hollering with me, stomping her feet, the whole thing. It was great. We got season tickets the following season, and we have had them ever since.

Last night, she had an art class she’s been looking forward to for weeks, that she joind before the playoff schedule was set, so I took our son, Nolan, with me. He’s been so busy with so many things, we haven’t had many opportunities lately to just go out and hang, so I was looking forward to that even more than the game, itself.

Holy shit the game, itself. I’ve been feeling like this team is the first team the Kings have put out in years that has a real chance to get past Edmonton. Fucking FINALLY. As I wrote only semi-jokingly in yesterday’s post, Edmonton has one line and a bunch of guys. Their goalie is very beatable, and if the Kings can shut down McDavid (who, we all have to admit is the greatest player in the world right now), they should advance.

The vibe inside Staples Center was immaculate. Fans chanting in the streets, in the concourse ahead of the game, in our seats before they introduced the players. For the first time since opening night, the place looked to be nearly sold out. It was the playoffs, man, and it nourished my soul to be there.

The game was exciting and nerve wracking. The Kings took their foot off the gas at the beginning of the third, as is traditional, and let the Oilers back in. McDavid did his thing (I hope Edmonton nerds know how lucky they are to watch him year after year) and I felt roughly 17000 people go “oh fuck my life not this again”.

And then.

And then, Phillip Danault and Warren Foegele did this, with 7 seconds left.

Phillip Danault (off camera right) snaps a shot on Jeff Skinner that flutters in for a goal, while Warren Foegele leaps out of the way. (via reddit)

Nolan and I jumped up out of our seats so fast and so hard, we practically hit our heads on the roof.

The Kings held on for seven intense seconds, and after blowing a huge lead, managed to win it 6-5 in regulation. It’s the first time they’ve won a playoff game in regulation in three years. I screamed so much, my throat hurts today and my voice is hoarse. Not the best thing before I start an audiobook tomorrow. Good thing I heal like Wolverine.

On the drive home, I looked over at Nolan and said, “Look, it’s the playoffs, and I would never admit to this in public or on my blog, but it’s after 10 already and I did not want to be leaving here after 11, so I feel like not only did the Kings win, we also won.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything, but … yeah.”

We laughed about that a little bit.

I said, “I guess I know that I’m old and tired because I’m not completely sure I wouldn’t have suggested we race home during the intermission so I could watch OT on TV and then roll right into bed. I don’t even know who I am.”

He started to reply, then said, “Look out!” because a stupid fucking dipshit idiot driver whipped across three lanes without signaling to gain a car length while I was — with my turn indicator on because oh my fucking god why is that so hard for you people to do — safely changing lanes like an adult.

I yanked my wheel back to my left, was grateful I drive a Mini with a low center of gravity, and dad mode automatically engaged. “You fucking idiot fuck,” I spat at that guy. “My fucking kid is right here! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“You okay? Sorry about that.”

“Yeah, that was intense.”

My parental anger faded as quickly as it flared. “I’m really glad you saw that. I would have missed it entirely.” In my dad brain, a vivid series of violent car crashes played in high speed.

“I barely did.”

“Yikes. That’s scary. We were so close to being in a serious crash because of that guy, and he probably has no idea.” I wondered how many more near collisions this dude would cause on his way to wherever he was going.

“Yep.”

We drove in silence for a little bit. And then, after we’d merged onto the 134, I said the thing that had been on my mind since we’d left the house hours earlier.

“I’m so grateful you chose to come to the game tonight. Thank you for making a special memory with me. I cherish this time together, and I want you to know that.”

“I do know that, but I’m still glad you said it. I didn’t expect to have as much fun as I did. It reminded me of the times we went before.”

“That was so much fun. I’m so happy that you remember it the way I do.”

When Nolan was in high school, the Kings had ticket packs for super cheap (they were NOT a good team, then) so I got him like 6 games for Christmas, mostly so we had an excuse to go do something together. At one of the games, we were screaming and cheering for the boys and they put us on the Jumbotron. Someone in the organization grabbed it, and made that video snip part of the opening montage for the rest of that year. Every game I went to, with Nolan and without, I got to see it and remember how fun it was when it happened. It was so long ago, the memories have faded to a point where they are unreliable. Last night was an echo of those memories, and it refreshed them enough to restore their clarity.

Anne’s got tickets to a show tomorrow, and Nolan is my first choice, if he’s feeling it, to be my +1. So maybe we’ll get to make another memory together tomorrow night that involves the Kings going to Edmonton up 2 games to none.

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Also, before I go, I am on Michael Rosenbaum’s podcast, Inside of You, this week. I’m working on a post about it, just struggling to get WordPress to play nice with a bit of embedded video. Until then, here are some quick links:

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it’s the most wonderful time of the year

It’s that time again! Here’s my 2025 Stanley Cup Playoffs bracket, something that is always fun for me to write for the eleven people in the world who care about it. (Hi! I’m glad you’re all here!)

Round OneCampbell Western Conference

Vegas vs. Minnesota

As much as I very intensely dislike VGK, they aren’t pulling that IR bullshit from years past, so I grudgingly set that moniker aside this year. Minnesota is in the playoffs because of the ridiculous start to their season. The Wild (I almost typed North Stars, sigh) are hurt, and the last six weeks of the regular season were brutal for them. If the team that we saw at the beginning of the season shows up, they will give Vegas a serious run. They looked pretty great yesterday, and boy did they make Vegas work for the win at Medieval Times Arena. I still favor Vegas, though. They have most of a team has been here before, and they know how to win in the playoffs. I expect Minnesota to take at least one of their home games, and I think this one goes to 6 before Vegas advances.

Winnipeg vs St. Louis

The Jets have the best record in hockey for a reason that goes beyond Connor Hellebuyck. In the old 1 plays 8 days, I’d give The Blues a stronger upset chance, but I think they’re just outmatched here. This is the only sweep in the first round. Winnipeg in 4.

Dallas vs. Colorado

My heart wants to cheer for Dallas, because my dear friend Stepto (may his memory be a blessing) loved them the way I love my Kings. Colorado isn’t going to make it easy. Blackwood will steal a game for the Avs, and yesterday was not that game; the Stars lost that one all on their own. This series will go 6, maybe even 7, but the Stars are moving on to face the ‘Peg.

Los Angeles vs. Connor McDavid

This is our year. Fucking finally. The Kings have a team that can neutralize Edmonton’s line. The Kings are hot as hell right now, and have home ice advantage, where they had the best home record in the league (like, it wasn’t even close). Kuemper is locked in and Skinner has looked shaky. Edmonton has the best player in the world, another generational talent, and 24 other guys. For the first time in four seasons, the Kings have 4 lines who can score and a goalie who can keep them in it. Kings in 6.

Wales Eastern Conference Round One

Toronto vs. Ottawa

Brady, I’m real happy for you, and ima let you finish, but Toronto actually looks like a hockey team this year, and the Senators are just beginning to draw back the curtains, and open their Cup window. This isn’t Ottawa’s year, which is fucking crazy because it’s NEVER Toronto’s year. They have an incredibly rich history of finding truly creative ways to lose, but I’m picking Toronto because it serves a greater narrative. Leafs in 5.

Tampa Bay vs. Florida

Ah, the battle of America’s Wang. A playoff series for the ages that will live in the pages of hist– yawn I’m sorry I drifted off there thinking about this. These teams are basically even for me, but I freely admit I don’t pay much attention to them during the regular season, so I am absolutely missing a lot of nuance. But given the Panthers’ win last year by a team that they largely kept together, and the absolutely insane leveling up in Matthew Tkachuk’s play during Four Nations, I’m picking the Panthers in 5.

Washington vs. Montreal

Remember when the Habs were this unstoppable force? Remember when the Habs could score one and shut the door? This is not them. This team is mid af, just good enough to make it into the post season, but missing a lot of the parts it needs to go deep. I despise Ovechkin’s Team Putin bullshit, and for that reason alone I want them to get swept. But let’s be honest: the caps are a fucking incredible team who are going to be an autoaxe with legendary mods against Montreal’s weak feral ghouls. Anything can happen in this league on any night (the reason the NHL is the best league) so don’t count them out entirely, but I wouldn’t worry about having to change tee times with those guys in the beginning of April. Washington in 5.

Carolina vs. New Jersey

Hey, did you know the Devils are in the playoffs? Can you name one of their players? I just realized I can’t, and that means I haven’t paid attention to them at all this year. Meanwhile, after I retired Blaine Gretzky because the guy I named him after turned out to be garbage, I started a new create a pro game. My player wears #13, and his name is Johnny Marlowe. He plays for Carolina, and I have developed the same emotional connection to the real team that I had for the Kraken during Blaine’s career. I could come up with stats and reasons to support my choice, but where’s the fun in that? I’m picking Carolina for a silly reason, but it’s still a reason. Hurricanes in 7 because I presume New Jersey has some Dark Horse thing I don’t know about and that makes for good drama.

Round 2

Jets vs. Stars

This one goes 7 and Winnipeg wins in OT. Sorry, Stepto.

Kings vs Vegas

The Kings teams that won the Stanley Cup were built to grind down opponents over a 7 game series. Even when San Jose went up 3-0, the Kings were able to just check them into submission and come all the way back. This Kings team does not play that way, and the longer the series goes, the more it favors the other team. Sure, I could write a script where they do it again against all the odds and blah blah blah, but everything is terrible and I just want some excitement, so I’m giving this to the Kings in 4. Yeah, you read that correctly. Kings sweep Vegas in round two. Book it.

Toronto vs. Florida

In the second game of the second round, something happens in the second intermission. Down a game and trailing, a Toronto team that’s been struggling to keep up with the defending champions breaks through in that third period and never looks back. GG, Florida. Leafs in 7.

Conference Final

Kings vs. Jets

In reality, this is where the Kings go home.

Yeah screw that. In my story, this is a seven game series. The Kings steal a game in OT, we see at least one goalie battle, but the difference comes from Los Angeles’ young players. Byfield, Fiala, Laferriere and Turcotte surprise everyone with their maturity and composure in big situations. Kopitar and Doughty have been here before, and their experience both leads the other players and neutralizes the half a step or so they’re behind due to age and injury. Kuepmer doesn’t quite give us vintage Quick, but what he does give us rhymes with vintage quick. Winnipeg fully expects to win this at home, not unreasonably. But they didn’t count on this guy over here being the writer, and the Kings win it at home in game 7, right in front of me.

Toronto vs Carolina

It’s a classic Leafs vs Whalers matchup, just like the old days of 2002! Eddie Shore! Old Time Hockey! This is the series where Auston Matthews finally gets the national and casual fan attention he has deserved his entire career. Attention that has eluded him, because, come on, it’s Toronto. The Whale does not make it easy for the Leafs to win the series in 6 games.

Stanley Cup Final

It is the match-up we have all needed since 1993: a replay of the last time the Kings and the Leafs went deep in the playoffs, only this time it’s for the Big One. Leafs Nation wants revenge for the high stick that was not called, while Los Angeles desperately needs a series win that encourages our toxic trait of pretending that never happened. The drama is off the charts for this final. It’s Canada vs. USA. It’s East vs. West. It’s The Past vs. The Future. It’s so much better than whatever is really going to happen (which to be clear will still be cool) because there is no other potential Final match-up that carries this weight. It’s a series for the ages. No game is decided by more than one goal, at least two games to to OT, including game 7. The game and series and Stanley Cup winner comes from a Kopitar snipe at the top of the left circle, short-handed.

Okay, that’s the way I want this to go. And, if we accept that there are an infinite number of potential realities, all of them just beyond our perception, this is the way it will go, in at least one of them. So maybe it’ll be this one.

What do you think? I can talk about hockey the way I can talk about Star Trek. Let’s talk about it! Who are you cheering for? Who do you want to win? Who do you think will win?

And am I the only one who feels like the Stanley Cup Playoffs are always cool, but absolutely taking a back seat to the Four Nations Tournament this year?

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The Art of Storytelling, the obligatory bird nerd nonsense, and a whole lot of Muppets. Odds-n-Ends for April 17.

So many odds-n-ends today. Let’s get into it.

Anne and I are doing a Momentus Event together on April 27 at 10am Pacific. What is this, exactly? I’m so glad you asked.

It’s The Art of Storytelling!

Join us for an inspiring virtual event featuring creative juggernauts Anne and Wil Wheaton as they dive into the craft of storytelling, their writing processes, and the art of developing creative ideas. Whether you’re an aspiring writer, a seasoned storyteller, or simply a fan of great stories, this fun discussion will provide valuable insights into the creative journey.

Anne, a lifelong rescue pet advocate, will discuss her popular children’s book “Piggy and Pug” — a heartwarming tale about the journey of Pug, who’s searching for a new family, and Piggy, who’s looking for a new friend.

Wil, a celebrated writer, actor, and geek culture icon, will talk about the process behind his best-selling annotated memoir, “Still Just A Geek,” which continues to sell out at bookstores around the world.

Upgrade your ticket to include a copy of “Piggy & Pug” by Anne Wheaton and an exclusive character enamel pin set! Meet-and-greets will include a copy of Wil’s “Still Just A Geek” while supplies last!

They’ll share their personal experiences, challenges, and successes in the writing world. They’ll discuss how to cultivate original ideas, overcome writer’s block, and craft compelling, resonant artistic ventures.

The conversation will be followed by a Q&A session, allowing attendees to ask questions and gain deeper insights from their perspectives.

Don’t miss this opportunity to be part of an inspiring discussion about the power of stories and the creative process behind them!

Reserve your spot now and get ready to be inspired.

Some of our friends have done these events, and they tell us that they love them. We are both looking forward to hanging out. We can’t make any promises, because cats, but we’ll do our best to get Marlowe and Watson to come say hello.

I have a Patreon for my podcast, if you’d like to support the show directly and help us make more episodes. I put a whole bunch of stuff there which I didn’t feel belong in the main show feed, like my reflections on each piece and why I chose it, copies of our marked up scripts so you can see how we do it, and live chat events (like an AMA) with me to talk about the show.

And speaking of Patreon … everyone there has been super supportive of me and the podcast. They even put me on a billboard in Times Square, as part of their creators campaign!

That’s me! On a billboard! In Times Square! LOOK! My podcast and I are right there! For everyone to see! WOW!

Nothing I’ve ever done has gotten me on a billboard in Times Square. Not even Star Trek. I don’t know that it will convert a single person into a subscriber, but I feel like this is one hell of a moment to enjoy. You made it to the big city, kid!

~

I’m reposting my recent episode of Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown, because I talked about really important things that seem to be resonating with a lot of people. If you missed it, here it is again.

~

Someone on Bluesky showed me this picture:

And it sparked this memory:

In 1987, I was invited to do a photo shoot with Pigs In Space for Muppet Magazine, to promote The Next Generation. I put a copy of the magazine in a box of my stuff that my mom refuses to give me (I’m NC with my abusive parents). Now and then, I see this picture online and it always makes me smile.

That memory inspired me to go looking for the magazine, which is how I found out that the Muppet Wiki is a thing, and I have an entry! In that entry is a scan of the entire piece, which I was able to read for the first time in over thirty years.

Aw, Lil’ Wil! You’re awesome, kiddo. I know you don’t feel that way, and you won’t for … 40ish years, but I know you’re great, and worthy of unconditional love.

I remember when we did this, and how much I loved it. There is this moment in 1987 when I feel like everything is finally working out. I’m finally on a series, so I don’t have to go on auditions after school any more. I’m working regularly, so my mom is more calm and doesn’t heap pressure on me to support the family. I absolutely love that I am on Star Trek, a show that means so much to me. I really believe that everything is finally going to be okay. My dad will finally notice me, because I finally earned it. My mom will finally be satisfied because I’m getting all this attention.

It lasted for a little less than I year, I think, before I had to admit that my dad was still an asshole who hated me, my mother was still a bottomless pit of attention-craving neediness, and neither of them gave a shit about the work I was doing, as long as they could spend my money. It was around this time that I heard the first alt.wesley.die.die.die stuff, and the beginning of one of the darkest times in my personal life.

I try not to think about that time, and I talked about it all in Still Just A Geek, but it does occasionally surface, and writing about things is how I process and reprocess them, so.

I know most of you are appalled by these memories. Some of you reading this may be finding out for the first time that I’m an abuse survivor and have no relationship with my family (except my sister). I wrote all about this in Still Just A Geek, if you’re interested. In any case, I got better. I am better! I can revisit these moments with a distance and sense of safety that I’ve earned through years of EMDR therapy, and I want anyone else who knows the secret handshake that I am so sorry, and I see you. I hate that we are in this club, but I’m glad neither of us is alone inside it.

Okay, let’s get out of Sadtown and back to Joyville:

The wiki entry also contains this picture of Anne and me with Grover, from the time we got to go visit Sesame Street a few years ago.

I may have told this story before, but I’m going to tell it again. When we went to Sesame Street, both of us wept with joy as we were consumed by nostalgic memories. Everyone who worked there told us that happens whenever folks who grew up with Sesame Street visit.

PS fuck Trump and his thugs for going after Sesame Street. Also fuck the billionaires who could fund it for the rest of eternity without missing a penny of it, but don’t, because they didn’t learn how to share by watching Sesame Street.

Anyway.

We met Abbie, and we got to see Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch. I got to meet Mister Snuffleupagus, and he gave me a hug with his trunk (more weeping). I told him that I always believed he was real, and he told me that he always believed in me, too. More weeping. Then I showed him that Big Bird gave me one of his feathers that fell off when I met him. So Snuffy picked up a couple of his little feathers and gave them to me to keep with Big Bird’s feather. He said, “best friends should always be together,” and that’s when I looked at Anne, who was weeping, and told him, “We always are.”

We walked over to Mister Hooper’s store, next, and while we were looking around, the man who is Grover came over and introduced himself. He asked me if I wanted to meet Grover.

Y’all, Grover is my favorite Muppet, just barely sneaking past Gonzo. Lovable, furry old Grover, who always tries to do the right thing, who is easily frightened, who is so excited about everything all the time, is pretty much who I was when I was a little kid. Hell, it’s pretty much who I am now. I heavily identified with him. I can’t remember if I squeaked or what, but I said yes and before I knew it, I WAS TALKING TO GROVER. (And weeping with joy).

I … just totally forgot that there was a person there, and after a minutes, I asked Grover if I could have a hug. He said yes, put his arms around me, and then I hugged the hell out of Grover (or a guy’s arm, if you want to spoil the magic of the moment). I felt all the feelings. This was during the first Trump regime, when we had no idea how bad it would become, or that this idiot country would elect him on purpose again. I remember how scared we were, how the world felt as uncertain as it does now, only it was kind of new to feel that uncertainty, and I think all the things that Trump triggers in survivors just came up to the surface while I was hugged by a character I have loved my whole life.

I hugged him so tightly, and I could feel my tears on his fur. Grover said, “You give very good, very strong hugs, Mister Wil Wheaton,” and I said “it’s because I love you so much, Grover, and I had no idea how much I needed this.”

I have a picture of me giving him a hug that Anne took. It’s in a frame with Snuffy’s and Big Bird’s feathers.

Wow, I haven’t thought about that in a long time, and I feel all of it in my body. That’s wild.

~

Okay, one last thing before I get to the last thing.

My evolution from mostly-normal person to very weird Bird Nerd continues. The vast majority of birds in my yard are finches. There are the occasional Cowbirds and White Crowned Sparrows, a pair of Doves who really love the patio next to Anne’s art studio, but it’s mostly Finchburg, USA.

Yesterday, a Black-Headed Grosbeak showed up and posed for the most amazing picture.

Aren’t they beautiful? I hope they come back and bring their friends.

The last thing, as always, is a collection of links to get It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton.

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Thanks for spending some time with me today, and thank you to everyone who is spreading the word about the podcast. We’re growing slowly, adding new listeners every day, and I know that’s largely because y’all are talking about it with your friends and family. I do not take that for granted, and I am grateful. Come on over and leave a comment; I enjoy interacting with y’all.

It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton episode 4 – The Hidden Heart of Brass Attending by Christopher Scott

It’s Wednesday (it’s only Wednesday? It’s only Wednesday.) and that means we have a new podcast for you!

This week, it’s The Hidden Heart of Brass Attending, by Christopher Scott. Here’s my introduction:

The heart wants what it wants, and it will fight for it with a passion and fury that is unimaginable until you fall in love and feel it for yourself.

Today, I’ll take you to a time when a fulfilling a heart’s most intimate desire could lead to prison or worse. A time when the truth of who you loved had to be hidden away in the most secretive places. A time when even the most powerful men could be destroyed with a carefully uttered whisper.

You are about to meet one of those men, at a moment of great consequence in his life, a moment when his heart’s desire is at his fingertips, if only he can grasp a cold, brass hand and find The Hidden Heart of Brass Attending.

Fun fact: Christopher Scott is one of my oldest friends. He’s been writing since we were teenagers, so when On Spec bought this story, we celebrated. I thought it would be cool to narrate it and send it to him, as a way of congratulating him and marking the milestone. I was opening Audacity to do just that when the idea that became It’s Storytime exploded out of the same place that birthed Tabletop. It has taken a lot longer than I expected, and the thing I planned to give my friend is now something I’m giving all of you. I trust that you all know how to share.

If you aren’t already a subscriber, here are some convenient links:

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I also have a Patreon with an ad-free feed and some nifty extras that didn’t fit into the primary show, if you want to support me that way.

Thanks for listening, thanks for subscribing, thanks to everyone who has rated and reviewed us. I appreciate it.

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blogging to an ocean, hear the comments roar

Inside of me, there is an ocean of creativity in which I swim, dive, or sail whenever I want to tell a story or make A Thing Where There Was Not A Thing Before. When the tide is up, getting into that ocean is as easy as taking a couple of steps. When the tide is out, I have to walk across the biggest, stinkiest, muck-covered mud flat you can imagine. I can do it, because I am awesome, but by the time I get to the water’s edge, I’m so tired and drained, I don’t have much energy left to do whatever I went there for in the first place. And whatever I do make usually stinks a little bit.

I used to believe that I could force the tide to come in, could pull it in all on my own, by reading or listening to music or consuming inspirational entertainment. This was a profound misunderstanding of “if you don’t have time to read, you don’t have time to write” that took me years and way too many demoralizing and unproductive walks across that mud flat to correct.

You all know this already: the tide moves on its own. It’s too busy enjoying its dance with the Moon to care about humans. It does not even notice that we exist. Nothing I did affected it, and even though I think I knew that, I didn’t want to admit that I was overwhelming myself as a consumer, so I’d feel productive until it came in, right on its own schedule, and I could go back to being a creator and feeling productive.

All too often, I found myself standing on the shore, toes touching the water, entirely too exhausted to get in. And before I knew it, the tide was headed back out to sea. If I caught any of it at all, I still had to slog through a lot of stinky mud on my way back.

I became aware of this artistic tide about a year ago. And ever since, I have done my best to allow (encourage) myself to rest when the tide is out. The resting is what matters. For me, Rest looks like a lot of different things. I watch a lot of movies, or none at all. I catch up on entire seasons of tv shows, revisit old favorites. I play video games. I start a lot of books, and finish some of them. I go on long walks alone and with Anne. I spend entire days doing as close to nothing as possible. I encourage myself to get bored, to let my mind wander and sketch out something I may want to go looking for when the tide comes back in. And I do it all without looking at the calendar, at the clock, or any tide charts (which don’t exist in this metaphor, because if they did it would collapse and I just need you to let me have this.)

The last time the tide was in, I made the most of it. I had a lot of fun. I don’t think I even got out of the water for more than a few hours at a time for weeks. I wrote a cyberpunk short story about my friend’s Crocs turning him into a zombie, a Wesley Crusher story for the Star Trek comic, a whole bunch of stuff that’s not ready for publication, some pretty good blog posts. It was awesome, and though I was sad to watch it go, I was ready to get out and dry off when it left. I was ready to rest, looking forward to it, to be honest.

But the tide has been out for a lot longer than I can remember it being recently, and I’ve been pining for it. I’ve taken a few steps into the mud a little bit, found a few puddles, and what I’ve written and created there has been fine. I bet you didn’t even notice it was a little stinky. But the ocean is still far away. It’s not my favourite thing (hi Canada. I love you and I’m sorry about all this bullshit) but I guess I must have matured as an artist, or I feel more comfortable with myself as an artist, (and maybe that’s the exact same thing, resulting in a version of myself who is kinder and more patient with me than I used to be) because I fully accept that the tide is not mine to influence, let alone control. It’s okay to rest, so I’m ready when it gets here.

Oh hey. I just looked up, noticed that I’ve wandered way out into the mud, and I’m suddenly tired and stinky. But I’ve come this far from the beach so I could share how happy I am that last week, I thought that maybe I felt the wind shift, or the pressure change, the way it does when the tide comes in. And just before I wrote this paragraph, I think I glimpsed a thin, fiery shimmer on the horizon.

I appreciate you coming with me on this walk. Sorry about the mud. It washes out.

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It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton Episode 3 – The God of Minor Troubles by Megan Chee

It’s Wednesday, which means I get out of my comfort zone and promote the hell out of my podcast!

This week’s story is The God of Minor Troubles, by Megan Chee, originally published in Strange Horizons.

For my introduction, I wrote:

From a mortal’s perspective, a god is a god is a god. Omnipotence isn’t really on a spectrum; it’s pretty binary.

The gods don’t see it that way. From the moment humans dreamed them into existence, they’ve fought among themselves to determine which mortals they will hear, what responsibilities they each will have, and how those responsibilities will be divided amongst the firmament. While mortals merely hope their prayers will be heard, it turns out that some of the gods answering them aren’t particularly thrilled with their assignment.

I am about to introduce you to one of those gods, who does not yet know that it’s actually pretty major to be the god of minor troubles.

Remember:

When someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES. When someone prays to you for help with their troubles, they don’t particularly care if you think they are minor or not. Just answer the damn prayer.These stairs go up.

I’m so grateful to Megan Chee, and all of the authors who said yes when I asked them if I could narrate their work, because they are helping me celebrate, promote, and support the Arts with this project. When authors are as excited to hear me, as I am to speak their words, I feel like I’m doing something right. When audiences share that same excitement with me, I know that it so worth it to do this work and take this risk.

Before I get to the links and stuff, I want to speak directly to you. I don’t know who you are, but you’re reading this, you’re listening to the podcast, you’re allowing me the privilege to do this thing that matters to me more than just a job ever would. I’m only able to do this with your support and I need you to know how grateful I am for that. I hope I’m sharing authors, ideas, and narratives with you that you wouldn’t have found on your own, and that you’re inspired to share that with your friends and family, and even go looking for more from them.

Okay, I’m going to go back to talking to everyone, now.

If you aren’t already a subscriber, here are some convenient links:

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I also have a Patreon with an ad-free feed and some nifty extras that didn’t fit into the primary show, if you want to support me that way.

Thanks for listening, thanks for subscribing, thanks to everyone who has rated and reviewed us. I appreciate it.

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on healing trauma by being the person i need in the world

Every day, I do my best to be the person I need in the world, the person who was never there for me when I was a kid. I do my best to be kind, patient, and gentle. I do my best to look for joy and glimmers, to create joy and glimmers for others. When I am working hard to be that person for myself, I am occasionally that person for someone in the world who I may never meet in person. And when I hear from those people, who bravely trust me with their stories, it inspires me to keep going. Because on those days when it’s REALLY hard, when I know I’m fucking up and not being the person I want to be, I can forgive myself and remember that everyone fucks up from time to time, but not everyone makes the effort to learn and grow. Time I spend beating myself up for fucking up is time I am not spending being the person I need, so I lose twice (like the Dodgers, yesterday!).

I sat down with Mayim Bialik to talk about surviving childhood abuse and exploitation, reparenting myself, and how I’ve grown and healed since we last spoke on her podcast, about three years ago.

You also get to see me get triggered in real time, realize it, recover from it, and address what happened. It’s a little embarrassing to see myself fuck up like that, in public no less, and be reactive when I want to be responsive, but I feel like it could be a valuable teaching moment and that’s worth a little embarrassment, if it’s helpful to literally anyone else in the world.

I hope you’ll make some time to watch or listen to this, with the warning that I speak about being abused by my father, exploited by both of my parents, abandoned by all but one of my relatives (and even that’s barely there, only when I reach out), and how I’ve worked so hard to overcome all of it.

I also talk a little bit about It’s Storytime, which I’d love for you to subscribe to if you haven’t already. New episodes drop every Wednesday!

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rock and or roll

Saturday night, my friend and I went to see The Linda Lindas and Be Your Own Pet at the Novo, at LA Live.

I haven’t been to the Novo before (I think maybe it was a bowling alley at one point? Part of it felt familiar, and the bowling alley is the only place I’ve been that would fit the memory), and I was thrilled to discover a new (to me) venue with fantastic sight lines and great sound.

I saw Linda Lindas open for Blondie1 at the Greek like two years ago, and they killed. I’ve been a fan since I heard Racist, Sexist Boy* about three years ago, and I am emotionally invested in their happiness and success. They are going to blow up before we know it, and take their place as the 21st century’s Go-Gos, or Runaways. I just love those kids!

Did I mention they are all kids? When I saw them at the Greek, I think Mila, the dummer, was 12? And Bela, one of their guitarists, was like 16? You’d never know it, based on their stage presence and technical chops.

Don’t sleep on them, is what I’m saying. In a year, they won’t be playing the Novo; they’ll be playing much larger venues, and the intimacy of these shows won’t be possible.

It was the first time I’ve seen Be Your Own Pet, though I’ve been listening to them for years, since I started a Spotify station with Rebel Girl and just let it go, so I could discover new music. (When Riot Grrl was at its peak, I was a really dumb boy, so I missed a lot of it. Better late than never, dumb boys.)

I came home from the show pretty late, and I was up even later while I waited for the energy and excitement of the show to fade so I could go to sleep. (A well-worn joke in my book is: I am 52 years-old. I’m tired all the time except between the hours of 10pm and 3 am.) I considered going into Fallout 76 to work on my camp, then remembered all the times I did that “real quick” for three or four hours that flew by without me noticing. So I was off to the YouTubes!

I went through my subscriptions, and ended up watching a short from this guy called Professor of Rock, who does the kind of deep dive explorations into music and its history that speak directly to my inner nerd in a form of high elvish that has mostly been forgotten. (Remember: being a nerd isn’t about what you love; it’s about the way you love it.)

I’ve learned lots of things from him over the years, but I know a lot about music myself (Willem Dafoe Meme) so it’s rare that I go “Holy shit I didn’t know that!”

Guess where I’m going with this? I learned something that not only did I not know, it reset what I thought I knew about it.

He has a video about long songs that broke the Billboard hot 100 at a time when it was exceedingly rare for anything longer than 4 minutes to get radio play. Olds like me who grew up in the 70s and 80s probably jumped way ahead of him: Stairway to Heaven, One of These Days, Side 2 of Abbey Road (called Golden Slumbers for the single version), etc.

Only none of those were on his list! Clever girl (Jurassic Park meme).

I don’t want to spoil the countdown, in case you’re going to watch it. But I do want to share one song he included, because until this weekend, I didn’t know that this version existed. This is the full album version of Inna-Gada-Davida, by Iron Butterfly:

AKA

I’ve known the story of Inna Gadda Da Vida for so long, I can’t remember when or where I learned about it. I’ve never been a particularly big fan of it, because it’s … well, it’s boring and repetitive.

Oh, but that’s the radio version that you’ve heard, Wil Wheaton, did you know there is a SEVENTEEN MINUTE VERSION THAT ROCKS YOUR FUCKING FACE RIGHT OFF?

Well, now I do, thanks to the Professor of Rock, and holy shit I’ve listened to it so many times since Saturday, I’m at risk of burning myself out. AND I’ve been listening to the whole album, which I never even gave a second look, because I didn’t like what I thought was the only version of the title song.

So thanks, Professor! It turns out that, even at 52 years-old, there are still wonderful and surprising opportunities to learn and discover new things. I appreciate the reminder.

Hey, check out my amazing segue:

If you’re into discovering new things, maybe you’ll enjoy my new podcast, It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton. Every week I narrate a new short story from authors you don’t yet know you love. It’s available wherever you get your podcasts:

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Rock on, friends.

*I love that Bella is wearing the same Kim Gordon shirt by Kathleen Hanna that I wear from time to time.

May his memory be a blessing ︎

in which i realize i look like at least half of a vampire

Everything is terrible, and you deserve a break from it. Allow me to serve up links to a pair of interviews I recently did, for your enjoyment and diversion.

Before I get there, I gave y’all the wrong link for my show’s Patreon. which is exactly what you want to do when you’re building a new show. The correct link is patreon.com/storytime. 80 subscribers in 48 hours is such a fantastic start! I can’t wait to share some BTS stuff and other things that don’t fit into the format of the main feed.

Okay, here are your diversions. Up first, The Greatest Trek. It’s kind of a big deal, because they don’t usually have guests!

And then, Trek Culture!

I’m noticing now, after I have done all these interviews (and another that hasn’t been announced), that the light from my window was WAY TOO BRIGHT and at least half of my face looks like a vampire. Like, if Two-Face had a vampire version, that would be awesome, and he would TOTALLY team up with Blade, but I’d rather look like a human who knows how to set up a shot and confirm the lighting is good. I mean, it’s just terrible. It isn’t even goth pale; it’s just a bad lighting setup. The old green tint from forgetting to white balance your camcorder in 1983 would be preferable to how I look in all of these things.

See, this is why I don’t like to be on camera! But I’m not yelling at myself! Progress!

I guess I have to go ahead and take Felicia’s advice and spend a little money on some equipment, lights, filters, and some other bullshit to have a more professional set up at home. Sigh. My first world, high class problems are a great way to nurture sympathy in an audience while *gestures broadly at everything*.

Y’all keep telling me that it’s okay for me to endlessly, relentlessly, continuously promote my podcast. I appreciate that. I really, really do. I also feel like all of you who subscribe to my blog or follow me on social networks already know everything you want to know, and it’s becoming tiresome.

I have no idea what is actually happening on the other side of my screen, of course, and I’m mindful that my life story has created someone who is deeply uncertain about everything he does, even when he’s pretty sure it’s all okay. I’m trying to quiet the doubt, and lean into the excitement (my keyboard needs to be cleaned, and the x just stuck, so that was ‘exxxcitement’ before I corrected it. Look, exxxcitement is definitely its own thing, and it sounds great to me, but that’s not what this project is.)

As I keep saying, I want to help this find its audience and I can’t accomplish that entirely on my own. Thank you for your patience and understanding, and a special thank you to all of you who have done the rate, review, like and subscribe things.

Okay, I’m going to the store now. Thanks for listening and have a good rest of the day. Congratulations on surviving another week of this fucking nightmare.

Here’s the obligatory link block:

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And here’s a picture of Marlowe, because she makes everything better.

It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton episode two – Proof by Induction, by José Pablo Iriarte

When I walked Marlowe this morning, I thought about what I was going to write here, and how I was going to say the stuff that I want to say about my podcast. I had to remind myself that this has existed in my mind and in various stages of not-quite-done for almost two years, and that my strategy is to allow it slow and organic growth, so it can find its audience. It’s only been one week, but early response and early reviews are enthusiastic and positive, and all signs are pointing in the right direction for me to keep doing this.

It’s so wonderful, and I’m so excited, I have this strong impulse to jump to the end, to the part where I find out if there is an audience out there that’s big enough to make this a self sustaining project that goes on for years. But am doing my best to stay in this moment, enjoy this moment, without letting expectations get in the way. I am trying my best to listen to something I have told my boys since they were little kids:

Never trade the journey for the destination.

Don’t skip past the joy of playing because you only care if you win.

Doing the thing is an incredible feat and achievement on its own. You did the thing, and you deserve to enjoy the thing. If the thing grows and grows and turns into A Thing on its way to being The Thing You Dreamed Of, then enjoy it! But if that doesn’t happen, it was still great that you did the thing, and aren’t you grateful that you enjoyed it at every step along the way?

Like, that’s pretty solid Dadvice, if I say so myself, and I’m doing my best to hear it.

So with that in mind, here’s my introduction to this week’s It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton. José Pablo Iriarte tells a beautiful story that landed in me in such a specific and heartbreaking way, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to narrate it without being overcome.

I love a good quest. The hero’s journey to find the golden fleece and bring it home has been a cornerstone of storytelling for all of recorded history for a reason. At some point in our lives, each of us will hear the call to adventure and set out on a quest of our own. A lucky few even manage to complete their quests, sometimes against incredible odds.

Some famous quests are for knowledge, power, or even to save the world, but we are about to embark on a quest for something far more intimate, far more personal, and elusive: it is a quest for connection, and redemption. And it can only be found using Proof by Induction.

It was a challenge, but I did it, and I am so happy with everything about it (though I discovered, to my horror, I mispronounced “Euler” and we all missed it. Use this note to help you imagine a little audio kintsugi, if it helps.)

One thing before I go, the Big Thing that I probably should have opened with.

I would love it if this podcast became my full time job. As I’ve said elsewhere, I have loved doing other people’s work. Ready Room was one of the greatest experiences of my life, and we should be doing more episodes for the upcoming season of Strange New Worlds (which looks AMAZING), but I don’t think we are, for the dumbest reasons imaginable. And it breaks my heart. Like, I have physical pain in my chest and very real sadness, I feel a tangible sense of loss, because I only get to be the host of The Ready Room, and all the other wonderful stuff that comes with that, when someone from Corporate gives me permission to do it. And if Corporate is like, “Nah, because of reasons, and also who are you?” there’s nothing any of us can do about it.

I don’t want to feel that loss again, or at least as infrequently as possible (it’s a fair price to pay) so I’m REALLY hoping that the podcast takes off and it’s this joyful act of creativity that continues as long as I want it to. t’s only one week old, just two episodes in, and we are already fielding requests for sponsorship and ad sales. That’s a positive indicator that our growth is along the line we’re all hoping for, and it also opens me up to the inevitable complaints about ads.

I get it. I always hoped I would have this High Class Problem, so from the very beginning, we’ve planned to have a Patreon with no ads and extra material available for subscribers. We’re offering a five dollar tier and a ten dollar tier. Both offer an ad-free feed, and some other cool perks, including recordings of my reflections on the story immediately upon finishing it. I loved it when LeVar would talk about the themes and the style and how he interpreted and felt about what he just read to me. I wanted to do that, myself, but I felt like it didn’t fit into the main feed. But it’s exactly the sort of thing that is perfect for Patreon subscribers. I have some other ideas, too, for fun stuff that I can’t do at scale, but can absolutely do for a smaller subscriber community.

Everything you need to know is right here. If you have any questions, I’ll be checking comments here all day.