Jane Lindskold's Blog, page 124

Talking About Colonoscopy

Reminder!  This coming weekend I’m Guest of Honor at Conduit, in Salt Lake City, Utah.  Hope to see some of you there…

A week ago, I had my first colonoscopy.  This is one of those coming-of-age rites that – like most coming-of-age rites, if you think about it – most of those subjected to it don’t really look forward to participating in.  What they want is to have it over and done with.

Prep Instructions Day by Day

In my case, though, I was sort of lucky.  Not only had Jim had the test before me, I’d been designated driver, twice, for one of our friends.  So I’d had a chance to get about as close to the procedure as you can without doing it yourself.  That actually helped.

So I decided that – even though some of  the details aren’t exactly pretty – to share what having a colonoscopy is like so that when it’s your turn, you can say, “Hey, I’ve heard it’s really not that bad.”

A colonoscopy actually starts with the prep.  This starts five days before the test with going off drugs you can’t take because they’re blood thinners.  (No worries.  You’ll be given a list.)

In my case, the only one that really affected my lifestyle was aspirin.  Aspirin is my painkiller of choice.  This spring my allergies are rampant.  Going for five days without being able to dull a headache wasn’t fun, but it was manageable.  Hot drinks do a lot for sinus headaches.

Two days before the test, certain slowly-digested foods are eliminated: nuts, seeds, and corn.  The list I was given didn’t clarify whether things like peanut butter were okay, but I decided to play it safe. I’d been thinking about making humus for our Sunday night game, but that has tahini, which is sesame paste.  This part of the prep did make me realize how many nuts and seeds are in my routine diet…

The day before the test is when the big challenge comes.  It starts with a clear liquid-only diet.  Again, you’ll be given a list.  It will include sodas like ginger ale and sprite, clear fruit juices, and chicken or beef broth.  It should also include jello and popsicles.  However, what color you get is really important.  No red.  No purple.  No blue.  No pink or orange.  However, yellow and green are fine.

Coffee and tea were included.  Yay!  I don’t take cream in my coffee, so I had no worries there.  And life with coffee is much easier.

My test was on a Tuesday, so the weekend before, Jim and I did some thoughtful shopping.  I’m not a huge fan of apple juice, but we found a nice juice blend that was light and clear and tasted more or less like peach.  We bought three boxes of jello: lemon, lime, and sour apple.

I like to cook, so I made my own chicken broth, making sure to add vegetables for flavor, but no herbs that might mar the “clear” nature.  I chilled it and removed every spec of fat (as well as the meat and the veggies, of course).  The end result had lots of flavor and even a bit of body.

The night before, I ate a snack before going to bed, hoping to stave off the inevitable blood sugar crash.

Monday morning it was tough not having chocolate with my coffee, but I substituted lime jello to pump up the sugar.  I managed to do my e-mail and even write.  The piece about toads in the pond was written then.  I had my usual Monday chat with my friend Sally and think I was at least moderately coherent.

Then late Monday afternoon came and with it the big challenge: drinking a gallon of Golytely as quickly as possible.  Again, the instructions I was given were a little vague.  They said to drink a full “glass” every twenty minutes until the stuff was gone.  They did not specify the size “glass.”

Let’s put this in perspective.  A gallon is 128 ounces.  Divided by the standard eight ounce drinking glass, that’s sixteen glasses.  Now divide that by three (as in every twenty minutes or three times an hour).  You come up with 5.33 (repeating).  Or, in other words, you’ll be at this for the next five or so hours!

I decided I wanted to be done sooner.  I did some experimenting and found I could get twelve ounces of water down pretty easily.  I marked that on a sixteen-ounce tumbler and resolved to try for at least twelve ounces, sixteen if possible.

I started at promptly at 4:00 p.m.  The Golytely tasted a bit like Gatorade: sweetish with fake lemon over salt.  I downed sixteen ounces, pressed the timer, and picked up my book.  I was reading Dune, which seemed ironically appropriate.  Twenty minute later, I downed another sixteen ounces, grabbed the timer and headed for the bathroom.

If you’ve ever read a somewhat old-fashioned novel, you’ve encountered the expression: “His bowels turned to water.”  Usually that means to experience complete, crippling terror.  No terror was experienced, but the rest is a really accurate description.  The instruction sheet had said: “…will make you go to the bathroom many times and cause diarrhea.”  That’s the understatement of the century.  This wasn’t diarrhea; it was transformation.

Because the earlier prep and liquid diet had already cleared the system out a good deal, it wasn’t even really uncomfortable.

By drinking sixteen ounces at a time, I managed to get the worst of this ordeal over in about three hours.  I found that if I drank even a little fruit juice after each glass, it took the salty-sweet taste of the Golytely away.  The bowels-to-water thing abated about an hour after the last glass of Golytely, although it didn’t go away completely for a couple more hours.

I actually began to feel a little hungry, which was both a pleasure – I no longer felt as overfull – and annoying, since the closest to something solid I could have was jello.

A few words about jello.  I’ve heard people say that they can’t eat jello after this.  I won’t go that far.  I found it a relief to be able to convince my stomach, even briefly, that it was getting filled.  One of the things I found toughest about the clear liquid diet was that so much of what was recommended was sweet.  I have a moderate sweet tooth.  I like chocolate, but usually dark.  I prefer fresh fruit to pies or jams.  For me the sour apple jello was salvation because it lacked the overt sweetness of the lemon or lime.

By bedtime, the worst of the digestive upset was over.  I wasn’t even that hungry, which surprised me.

The final ordeal was going without any liquids from midnight on.  This was a bit tough because even at night I tend to drink a lot.  (Remember, I live in a very dry climate; also, my allergy drugs contribute to a dry mouth.)  However, I wasn’t going to quit so close to the goal.

Please note…  Going without water was the final ordeal.  The actual procedure was a breeze.  Jim drove me over to the clinic.  I had gotten the earliest possible appointment and so there was no delay.  Everyone was very kind and seemed to understand that by now I had reason to be a bit muddleheaded.

I’d been worried about feeling embarrassed – especially when I learned the procedure was being done by a male doctor.  I mean, we’re indoctrinated not to let strangers see certain parts of us and this was a real violation of that taboo.  I was surprised by how I didn’t feel embarrassed at all.  This wasn’t because of cool, detached professionalism either.  Jim and I chatted with just about everyone, from the nurse trainee who was observing through the anesthesiologist and the doctor.

I think it was because everyone took for granted what was being done, so no one felt at all strange.  It’s embarrassment that causes embarrassment most of the time.

Eventually, IV in one arm, covered in nice, warm blankets (right out of the dryer), I was wheeled to the procedure room.  I felt a little weird when I realized that, although I’d never ridden on a gurney before, I felt as if I had, because a camera-eye view of such is a routine part of medical dramas on TV.

In the procedure room, a pop piece I didn’t know was playing in the background.  As it was finishing, the anesthesiologist came in…  I should clarify here that I was part of a pilot program using anesthesia rather than the more usual sedation.  As I’d never had either, I can’t really tell you how they compare.

The anesthesiologist asked me to roll onto my left side, warned me that the blood pressure cuff would tighten almost painfully, and told me she’d be starting her part as soon as the doctor was there.

David Bowie and Queen’s “Under Pressure” came on the sound system.  I was musing about the irony of that as the blood pressure cuff eased off.  I heard one of the nurses greeting the trainee nurse, reading off my name and identifying information…

And then I heard Jim’s voice.  For a brief moment, I wondered if the procedure had been called off and he was being told why.  Then I opened my eyes and realized I was in the recovery room.  Jim was talking to the nurse.  By the time they had me sitting upright, the doctor came in to tell me all had gone well.  No polyps.  Come back in ten years…

I started tearing up then.  Why?  Because there’s an alternate universe in which someone I loved didn’t die of colon cancer.  If he’d had this test…  But then, we never know.

Nothing is certain except that we can make choices…  I might get hit by a bus tomorrow, but I won’t have let fear – of embarrassment, of discomfort, of the unknown – have kept me from doing a small thing that removed one unknown.

And maybe, someday, even those who get bad news will know there are better treatment options.  That’s why I contributed a new story (“Knights Errand”) to the anthology Fantasy for Good, the full proceeds of which are donated to the Colon Cancer Alliance.

And now, when it’s your turn, you can say, “Hey.  It really isn’t so bad.  Jane says so.”  And if you’ve already had the test, don’t give into the urge to dramatize…  It really isn’t too bad – especially when you consider the alternative – is it?

Plowing through Dunes, and Jones

This week’s reading has had some odd contrasts.  On the one side Frank Herbert’s Dune.  On the other, more Diana Wynne Jones.

A reminder… The Friday Fragments feature lists of what I’ve read over the past week.  Most of the time I don’t include either short fiction or magazine articles.

Double for Dune, aka New Mexico

And I always enjoy hearing what you’re reading.  Sometimes, I then go read it myself!

The Fragments are not meant to be a recommendation list.  If you’re interested in a not-at-all-inclusive list, you can look on my website under Neat Stuff.

Once again, this is not a book review column.  It’s just a list with, maybe, a few opinions tossed in.

Recently Completed:

Eight Days of Luke by Diana Wynne Jones.  Amorality rather than immorality is brilliantly illustrated in the character of Luke.  Although technically “middle grade,” such themes – and DWJ’s usually brilliant look at the contradictions of family dynamics – makes this a book for all ages.

Earwig and the Witch by Diana Wynne Jones.  Audiobook.  This one was fun but it also seemed like the first part of a novel.  Does anyone know if there is a Part Two?

Dune by Frank Herbert.  Fifty years after its original publication, this book holds up, largely because of its brilliant world-building and sensitive characterization.  At the time it was written, the desire for “strong female characters” was hardly being discussed, but the presence of Jessica and Chani – as well as the Bene Gesserit – gives the book a modern feel.

Naruto by Masashi Kishimoto, volume 68.  Manga.  Sometimes words are the most powerful weapons.

Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert.  Set twelve years after Dune this book fails to have the same fire.  Unlike Dune, which is about beginnings, Dune Messiah focuses on endings.  Although only about half the length of the original, this one seemed much longer to me.

In Progress:

The Lives of Christopher Chant by Diana Wynne Jones.  Audiobook.  Here we get the childhood of the man who will become the powerful Chrestomanci.  Once again, Diana Wynne Jones shows she hasn’t forgotten the peculiar logic of childhood.

The Hunt for the Big Bad Wolf by E.M. Tippets.  The third book of Tippets’ series which began with Someone Else’s Fairytale finds Chloe dealing with a tough case in which someone in her office may be leaking information to Hollywood cop show.  And is being married boring by definition?

Also:

When stuck at a doctor’s office, I read several articles in Sport’s Illustrated.  Not bad writing.

TT: Lord of the Hippies

JANE: So, Alan, last time, when we were chatting about how you and Robin went to visit Hobbiton, it became evident that J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the Ring” novels – as well as The Hobbit – meant a great deal to you.

I hate to admit it but, while I enjoyed them, they’ve never been among my favorite novels – not even among my favorite Fantasy novels.

Hobbit Hole, photo by Alan

I realize that this is a heretical view.  Can you tell me why you’re so crazy about those books?

ALAN: I think it’s because I was imprinted on them when I was very young. I discovered them in the school library when I was about 12 years old. This was long before the books became trendy – nobody I knew had ever heard of them – and I was at exactly the right impressionable age to be completely overwhelmed by the world of Middle Earth.

JANE: Oh!  That’s nice.  It’s always wonderful when a book is your own private discovery.  My first encounter was similar and different.  And here’s where the difference in our ages comes in!

I was also about twelve when a nosey neighbor brought over the boxed set of the novels as an excuse for snooping.  (Everyone knew Jane was an avid reader.)  However, the world of Middle Earth did not overwhelm me.  By then, there were numerous imitations and I’d read some of them.  Tolkien seemed unnecessarily fussy.  Why give each river or mountain three names?  Why not just get on with the story?!

ALAN: Oddly, I always found that to be part of the charm. It made the world of Middle Earth seem so real, so lived in.  I was already very familiar with landmarks that had multiple names (Vienna and Wien for example), and now that I live in New Zealand (or perhaps I should call it Aotearoa), I find that almost everywhere has both a Maori and an English name, which are often used interchangeably. So that kind of thing has always seemed quite natural to me.

Looking at the books now, from the other end of my life, I am willing to admit that they have flaws, but a fussiness about multiple names is not one of them. However I’m biased. That early imprinting is still in force and I still love them dearly.

JANE: The funny thing for me is that the older I get, the things that originally bugged me don’t anymore.  Rivers do have multiple names, especially when multiple cultures live in an area.  Given the long lifespans, yet essentially isolationist nature of some of the races (elves and dwarves in particular), it makes sense that different cultures have different names for the same landmarks.

ALAN: Exactly so! Perhaps I came to that understanding earlier than you did simply because of where I lived. After all, the city of York, a few miles up the road from me, was called Eboracum by the Romans, and I really can’t remember a time when I didn’t know that fact.

JANE: I think you’re right.  Places in the U.S. usually have one name.  Even when that name is rooted in an earlier culture – for example, an Indian name for a place – this contributes to a sense of constancy, rather than the other way around.

ALAN: But back to the books! I always identified closely with the mood that Tolkien evoked with his tale. Something in it just seemed right and natural. And then Donald Wolheim of Ace published the (arguably illegal) first paperback version of the books in the mid-1960s, and the sales exceeded his wildest dreams.

It seemed that my contemporaries agreed with me. The mood of the times was exactly right for Tolkien’s vision of the world. It was the so-called summer of love and the hippies adopted Tolkien as a guru. The struggle against Sauron could easily be seen as a metaphor for the anti-establishment feelings of the time. We all knew that Sauron lived in the White House. And Frodo’s essential pacifism struck a chord with the young people whose anti-war sentiments manifested themselves in protests against America’s involvement in Vietnam.

JANE: Once again, age plays a role.  In the mid-sixties, I was a very small child.  I was still in single digits when the Summer of Love came and went.  Growing up in D.C., I knew there were lots of long-haired people around who behaved oddly.  I was aware of the struggle against the “establishment,” but that was something “grown-ups” were involved in.

If anything, it seemed a bit odd to me, since both “establishment” and “anti-establishment” were grown-ups, and so were all, from my perspective, part of the same problem!

ALAN: I think you get a different view of events when you experience them for yourself.

Certainly from my point of view there was always a distinct feeling of “us” and “them” during those years. And by and large, “we” were powerless because “they” were in charge. Tolkien’s books were inspirational because they showed clearly that while individual people may be little and unimportant in the grand scheme of things, nevertheless, just like the hobbits did, they can still make a profound difference to the working of the world. Tolkien was talking to us on so many levels, and his vision of the world resonated with the zeitgeist. It was inevitable that his books would be adopted by the movement.

JANE: Again, time perspective…  I’ve met very few people who identify with hobbits.  I know lots who want to be elves or half-elves, a few who identify with dwarves, but I can’t think of a single person who has identified with hobbits.

I remember an article in a gaming magazine (most early RPGs were highly influenced by High Fantasy and especially by Tolkien) in which the writer commented, “Let’s face it.  Who would want to play a hobbit?”

After all, they’re essentially lazy and idle.  Both Bilbo and Frodo need to be forced into adventure.  Merry and Pippin are shanghaied, though they do pretty well once they get the hang of it.   Sam is different, though.  He has his feet in his garden, his head in the clouds.

ALAN: Perhaps I’m odd, but all those things seem to me to be very desirable traits to have. I identify very closely with hobbits and I can easily imagine myself living in Hobbiton and being very happy there.

JANE: Certainly, if “laziness” and “idleness” are seen as finding contentment in small achievements, like growing a good garden, or raising happy children, I agree.

Many years ago, shortly after Roger died, my dad tried to convince me to look into writing for Hollywood, as several of my NM friends were doing.  I mulled it over seriously.  Then one day, standing in my garden, hip-deep in tomato plants, listening to bees, and musing over what I’d be writing later, I realized that high-pressure, backbiting, ambitious Hollywood wasn’t for me.

So, I guess I’ve got a bit of hobbit in me, too!

Toads in the Pond

We have toads in our pond.  Several generations of toads, to be precise.

To clarify why this is a wonderful and exotic thing, let me explain.

Spadefoot Toad on Our Marsh

First, where I live is exceptionally dry.  Although the Rio Grande river is not that far away – just a couple  miles’ walk in a straight line east – when judging proximity to water, we might as well be on the Moon.  Okay.  Maybe not the Moon.  But take it from me, it’s dry.

Second, calling the water-feature in my backyard a “pond” is a grand over-glorification.  Our pond is a black plastic shell that holds maybe a hundred and twenty gallons.  And that would be its maximum capacity if we didn’t have anything but water in it and filled it all the way to the brim.

Instead, we have plants in our pond – a dwarf water lily, a blue pickerel weed, and an ornamental plantain that has flowers like baby’s breath.  Between them, the blue pickerel weed and the plantain have created a little marsh firm enough to hold the birds that land to drink.  We have aquatic mint growing around the edges (and into the water, whenever it can).

We have a pump that displaces a couple of gallons.  And a school of goldfish, three generations, all descended from feeder fish we rescued from the pet store.

So there’s not a lot of water there.  But it’s enough water to attract toads.

Our toads are spadefoot toads, specifically, New Mexican spadefoot toads, which are the state amphibian.  Spadefoot toads can live without much water at all.  Using a special digging toe on their hind legs, they burrow underground, emerging when there is water to lay their eggs.  Because usually all they have are puddles, spadefoot tadpoles develop very quickly – often going mobile in as little as forty-eight hours.

I have a friend who makes a point of transferring spadefoot tadpoles from puddles that are drying up to ones that still have water.  I know she has occasionally wondered if this is at all helpful to the toads.  I can now reassure her that a few hours can make a big difference.

Spadefoot toads usually dig backwards, excavating behind them, then backing in and closing the hole after them.  This can lead to startling encounters for those who share their territory.

One year, I noticed that an alyssum I’d planted where it would artfully spill over the edge of a flowerbed had apparently turned triffid and was preparing to go walkabout.  After I gently moved it and prepared to widen the hole and replant it, imagine my astonishment when I looked down and saw a toad looking up at me reproachfully.  It had found a nice, damp piece of real estate, complete with floral ornamentation for the roof.  Now I was messing everything up!

Needless to say, I moved the alyssum to one side, and both toad and plant had a happy summer.

As the years have gone by, we have progressed from the occasional toad sighting, to our current thriving colony.  There’s the toad who lives near our back porch door, waiting to dine on the insects that are attracted by the light spilling out from the kitchen.  There is the toad that lives down at the western edge of the bean netting, doubtlessly enjoying the dampness of the soaker hose we use to water the beans.  There are the toads we see as evening gathers (spadefoot toads are nocturnal) hopping their way from various points in the yard to have a splash in the pond before going hunting.

Last year, we had a transitory turtle spend some time in our yard.  In hopes of encouraging it to stay, we put a shallow dish of water out so it could have something to drink and a splash if it so desired.  We don’t know if it ever used it, but we did see little toads sitting in it, shyly requesting we ignore that they were there so they didn’t have to pretend to be scared and run away.

Most of the year, spadefoot toads are quiet cohabitants.  However, this time of year, they are quite noisy.  Their call is hard to describe.  It’s deeper than you’d expect from such a small creature (most of our toads could sit comfortably in the palm of my hand, many could sit on a quarter).  It’s all on one long, somewhat harsh note, a sort of elongated sound like “cat” without the “C” and with the “T” barely audible.

I’m not sure it’s exactly a “pretty” sound, but Jim and I really like it because it’s a sign that our yard is a vibrant, living organism.  Our cats (who are “indoor only” cats) find it fascinating.  One evening, as a toad was warming up, the toad would go “aaat” and Ogapoge, our big, sixteen pounder, would call back on almost the same note.

We’ve had a relatively damp (for New Mexico), relatively cool (for New Mexico) spring, and the toads are loving it.  So, as you can probably gather, are we.

FF: Some Very Odd People

I feel as if I���m missing something, but for now this will have to do.

Just in case you don���t know��� The Friday Fragments feature lists of what I���ve read over the past week. ��Most of the time I don���t include either short fiction or magazine articles.

Ogapoge Snags My Books for Himself!

The Fragments are not meant to be a recommendation list.�� If you���re interested in a not-at-all-inclusive list, you can look on my website��under Neat Stuff.

Once again, this is not a book review column.�� It���s just a list with, maybe, a few opinions tossed in.

Recently Completed:

The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex.�� Audiobook.�� Really enjoyed this.�� It walked the delicate line between silly and intense.�� Kids and adults alike will enjoy the quirky characters.�� Adults will get a kick out of the commentary on the value system in the modern U.S.�� Recommended by Chad Merkley, a reader of the Friday Fragments!�� Thank you, Chad!

Eight Days of Luke by Diana Wynne Jones.�� This one came up when Alan and I were writing about Diana Wynne Jones for the Thursday Tangents.�� I had to re-read.�� Translating the gods of Norse mythology into modern England makes for some very odd characters.

In Progress:

Dune by Frank Herbert. ��A re-read, but probably not for at least ten years…

Earwig and the Witch by Diana Wynne Jones.�� Audiobook.�� Just started.�� It���s short, so I���ll probably be done tonight.

Also:

Lots of�� research and the usual beginning of the month magazine deluge.

TT: In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit

JANE: So, Alan, now that you���ve been retired for a few months, have you done anything interesting with your spare time?�� (Other than writing Tangents, of course.�� Writing Tangents is always interesting.)

Alan’s Photo of Bag End

ALAN: Yes ��� Robin and I went to Hobbiton. It’s been built in a field near a small town called Matamata which is almost exactly in the middle of the North Island. It can’t be exactly in the middle because the exact middle is occupied by a huge volcanic lake…

There are more than 40 hobbit houses in the village along with the Green Dragon pub where visitors can drink specially brewed hobbit ales. And the village green still has the remnants of the decorations that were hung there for Bilbo’s eleventy first birthday party.

JANE: Oh!�� Neat!�� I���m going through the pictures you sent us.�� It looks wonderful.�� What loving detail!�� There���s a big tree in one of the shots.�� Is that a real tree or one constructed to be the Birthday Tree in the movie?

ALAN: That’s a real tree ��� almost all of them are. But the oak tree growing above Bag End is completely artificial. There is a lovely pine tree growing nearby which was originally intended to be the oak tree, and so the special effects people stripped the pine needles and started painstakingly wiring oak leaves to the branches. But the pine needles grew back faster than they could wire the oak leaves on, so they had to give up on that idea and build the oak tree from scratch.

JANE:�� That���s just plain crazy.�� Why not go with the evergreen?

I notice that most of your pictures are exterior shots.�� Can you go into the houses?

ALAN: No. Except for the Green Dragon pub, the structures are just facades. There isn’t anything behind the round doors except scaffolding and other support structures. All the interior shots in the movies were filmed in studio sets. Visitors to Hobbiton are allowed inside one of the hobbit houses, but it isn’t very interesting. All you can see is a wooden frame.

JANE: Ah����� That must be the picture with the modern equipment in it.�� I���d wondered.

ALAN: The story behind Hobbiton is quite fascinating. Do you want to hear it?

JANE: Absolutely!

ALAN: When Peter Jackson was first looking for places to film the Lord of the Rings movies, he was a relatively unknown director. He quickly found many places where he wanted to build his movie sets, some on private land and some on council-owned land. All he had to do was get permission to film…

A lot of negotiations took place with the various land owners and eventually contracts were signed. But they all had one thing in common ��� nobody thought the sets would have any lasting value. Strange fantasy films made by a director best known for his amusingly gory video-nasties? Obviously the whole thing would soon be forgotten. Therefore, all the contracts specified that when Peter Jackson finished filming, the land had to be returned to the same state it had been in when he first found it. So all the film sets were temporary structures made of polystyrene and plaster, and they were all demolished when they were finished with.

JANE: Oh, sorrow����� Some of those were lovely.

ALAN: And then something amazing happened. The films became a worldwide sensation and international tourists flocked to New Zealand searching for the authentic Middle-Earth experience. Guide books were published detailing all the places where the movies had been filmed and untold thousands of people came to stare enthusiastically at empty fields full of slightly bewildered cows and sheep.

JANE: ���Humans are very odd,��� think the cows and sheep.�� And they���re right!�� But something must have changed.

ALAN: By now, everybody was kicking themselves ��� if only we had kept the movie sets in place, they moaned with wise hindsight. Then we could charge the tourists a fortune to see them. If only…

JANE: I���m sure the cows and sheep felt otherwise.�� So what happened next?

ALAN: When Peter Jackson returned to Middle-Earth to make The Hobbit movies, the attitude had changed completely. When he went back to the farmer on whose land he had built the original Hobbiton, the farmer insisted that this time the set should be built of permanent materials.

Jackson was more than happy to oblige and now Hobbiton is a permanent structure that will last for a century or more. There is a whole infrastructure in place to take care of the tourists. Regular coaches arrive from all over the country. There’s a souvenir shop full of hobbitiana, and a cafe where you can order and eat a second breakfast. It’s all terribly commercial and judging by the prices they charge, somebody must be making a fortune.

But nevertheless, it’s Hobbiton! And it’s real! And it’s throat-catchingly magic. I loved it.

JANE: I really enjoyed it, even just via your snapshots.�� What really impressed me were the small details. ��Someone is working very hard to make sure the flowers are fresh, the laundry remains on the line, and paint is bright.

ALAN: They have a large staff who spend their days doing exactly that. The level of detail is quite amazing. There are ornaments in the windows, and the paint is flaking on the doors of the hobbit holes in the poorer parts of the village.

One thing that really stood out for me was just how old and lived in everything looked. Even the fences around the houses looked as if they had been solidly in place for hundreds of years, the wood was well weathered and covered in moss. Apparently, when the fences were built, they were smeared with yoghurt to encourage the growth of bacteria which quickly gave the fences their ancient aspect. I thought that was a really clever trick.

JANE: Nice trick, indeed!���� There were only two odd things ��� not seeing any hobbits and seeing visitors in modern dress.�� I found myself wishing that ��� like in Diana Wynne Jones���s novel The Darklord of Derkholm ��� the tourists were required to dress appropriately.�� The setting seemed to demand cloaks and tunics.

ALAN: I agree ��� that would have been very atmospheric. There was a cloak for sale in the souvenir shop (only one!). It cost $400 so we didn’t buy it. We were hoping that we’d be able to buy hobbit feet slippers, but to our great disappointment, the shop didn’t have any. Somebody missed a great marketing opportunity there. We ended up buying a ���No Admittance Except On Party Business��� notice which Robin has attached to the door of her office.

JANE: That sounds very suitable.�� Now that you���re both retired, all business is ���party business.���

ALAN: Of course, none of this could ever have happened if the films hadn’t been such a worldwide success, and the films would never have been made at all if it hadn’t been for the enormous effect that Tolkien’s novels had on the reading habits of a generation. Perhaps we can talk about Tolkien’s huge influence next time?

JANE: I���m definitely in favor of that!�� I warn you����� I���ll have some tough questions for you!

Patchwork of Images

Color One, Shades of Green and Gold:

Thanks to those of you who took advantage of the sale for Changer in e-book form.�� On April 30th alone, over 1,400 copies were sold, just on Amazon.com.�� This enabled me to recoup my advertising investment with a little left over.

Shidoni’s Timeless Gardens

However, even more important to me was that now more people know that both Changer and Changer���s Daughter (previously released as Legends Walking) are available.�� For those of you who prefer print books ��� as I do myself ��� they���re also available as trade paperbacks via Amazon Create Space.

I was particularly thrilled when, on their own initiative, both Charles deLint and Terri Windling helped push out the signal.�� Since they���re pretty much the gods of Urban Fantasy (old form), this was the sort of shout-out guaranteed to leave a smile.

One thing this adventure into advertising taught me is how hard it is to get out the word that a book exists.�� Over and over again, via both social media and e-mail, people thanked me for making Changer available again ��� as if this was a newly released reprint.

The thing is, I first released Changer as an e-book back late in 2011.�� It has been there for the searching but, like so many things, out of sight, out of mind.�� The advertisement brought it back into sight ��� although, apparently only for a short period.�� Although discount continued for a couple more days, the bulk of the sales were on that first day.

Then, I guess, it drifted back out of sight.�� An interesting experiment, but definitely not a way to keep people buying���

Color Two, Bright and Multi-hued, with Buttons:

What else did I do this week?�� Hmm����� I finished the rough draft of a short story.�� I���ll tell you more when it���s not rough.�� I���m a bit superstitious that way.

I also wrote an amazing amount of non-fiction on topics as widely varied as elves and dental implants.

Color Three, Bronze and Bright Orange:

I spent a day in Santa Fe, celebrating Jim���s birthday.�� We went with friends out to Shidoni foundry.�� They pour bronze sculptures and have an amazing sculpture garden.

There���s an associated glassblowing studio.�� We were lucky enough to arrive just as one of the artists was beginning a piece.�� Although the studio got pretty hot, we stayed for a long while, watching molten glass turn into a vase.�� While I watched, I thought about Kai Wren, the protagonist of Lord Demon, one of the two novels I finished for Roger Zelazny.

I thought a bit about Roger, too, since the first time I went to Shidoni was with him, nearly twenty years ago.�� Shidoni is a sort of timeless place.�� Hard to imagine so much time has passed.

Color Four, Business Casual Meets Santa Fe Style:

Later, Jim and I got dressed up and went to the grand opening celebrations for the new Drury hotel in Santa Fe.�� Jim had been in charge of the archeological clearance for the site, in the course of which he and his crew found, among other things, remnants of one of the oldest roads in Santa Fe, pre-dating 1680.

I was pleased ��� although not very surprised, since I have a high opinion of Jim ��� that everyone we met whom he had worked with greeted him with enthusiasm and wanted to chat.�� It became obvious that, among all these hard-working, dedicated, and talented people, Jim stood out as something of a magician.�� They were remodeling a landmark building into a high end hotel.�� He was pulling the past out of the ground and making them see the shadows of events gone by.

Quilt Completed:

Out of this busy week, I patch together a quilt, a bit chaotic in pattern, and yet, as I spread it out and study the elements, a very attractive array indeed!

FF: Where Have All the Hours Gone?

News Flash: The sale on the e-book of��Changer for only 99 cents is winding down. ��Sale ends May 2.

Lots of catching up and friends visiting from out of town, so I didn���t get nearly as much time to read.�� But I���m writing ��� including a new short story ��� so I can���t complain.

Just in case you don���t know��� The Friday Fragments feature lists of what I���ve read over the past week. ��Most of the time I don���t include either short fiction or magazine articles.

The Fragments are not meant to be a recommendation list.�� If you���re interested in a not-at-all-inclusive list, you can look on my website under Neat Stuff.

Time Racing By!

Once again, this is not a book review column.�� It���s just a list with, maybe, a few opinions tossed in.

Recently Completed:

The Pinhoe Egg by Diana Wynne Jones.�� Audiobook. ��Although there was good closure, I found I had questions.�� How did the Pinhoes manage to hide their secret so long with Chrestomanci Castle so near?���� Had Gaffer Farley done something new?�� What did I miss?

Nura: Rise of the Yokai Clan issues 20-24 by Hiroshi Shiibashi.�� Manga.�� Not one of the most innovative as to plot and characters, but the inclusion of a wide variety of supernatural creatures and tie-in to past history keeps me interested.

In Progress:

The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex.�� Audiobook.�� Just started.�� Recommended by Chad Merkley, a reader of the Friday Fragments!

Also:

I haven���t gotten to the The Tao de Ching.�� Too tired by the time I get to bed.

And lots of scattered research for three different projects!

TT: Inside Out and Backwards

News Flash:��The e-book of��Changer��is on sale today through May 2 for 99 cents.

JANE: Last week, I mentioned that I had a theory as to why Diana Wynne Jones did so much with parallel universes.�� I should have added that I think her gift for magic that works oddly, and with, in general, a logic that doesn���t fit the usual, may be owed to the same source.

Would you like to hear my theory?

Merlin and Hammer

ALAN: Yes please.

JANE: Several weeks ago, as I mentioned at the time, I read Diana Wynne Jones��� novella, The Game.�� I always read the jacket copy and author biographical material.�� Here, for the first time, I came across a bit of information I had not known before.

Diana Wynne Jones was dyslexic.�� The jacket copy mentions that she knew she wanted to write stories from the time she was eight, but it took her until she was twelve to figure out how to work around her dyslexia so she could do so.

Now, from my adult perspective, four years doesn���t seem much, but put it in terms of her life to that point!�� Four years is a third of her life!�� Amazing determination.

ALAN: That’s incredible ��� what a strong will she must have had.

JANE: I agree���

Being me, I decided to put on my researcher hat and see if I could get confirmation for my theory.�� I was handed off by various friendly people (Sharyn November suggested I talk to Neil Gaiman, Neil connected me to Tom Abba who went to Dr. Butler).�� After talking with Dr. Butler, Tom Abba sent me the following section of an interview by Dr. Butler of Diana Wynne Jones as printed in Reflections on the Magic of Writing, an autobiographical work by Diana Wynne Jones.

With full credit to the source, and many thanks to the many people who helped me find it, I share it with you:

CB: I know you���re dyslexic and left-handed, and in both those ways you���re coming at things from a slightly unusual angle, and I wonder if you feel that has had any relevance to the way you see and therefore write about the world?

DWJ: It probably has, but the trouble is you see that it���s normal for me. All it is is a struggle to try and keep level with right-handed ways of going on. I wouldn���t know about that, because the way I see things is, to me, normal. But I think you���re probably right and I think it probably does.

CB: I was thinking of that part in The Merlin Conspiracy where it turns out that Grundo���s magic is at ninety degrees to the magic of the universe he lives in.

��

DWJ: Yes, he does everything back to front. Yes, that was the bit where I thought, well, there are quite a lot of people who are dyslexic: let���s give them a champion, as it were.

��

One thing it���s very good for, actually, being dyslexic, is solving anagrams. It ought to make me a past master at Scrabble, but it doesn���t ��� but I���m very good at anagrams in crosswords, because I think my brain stores things scrambled as opposed to ordinary brains.

CB: The unscrambling muscles must be quite well developed.

��

DWJ: I think they are, yes. Though I did fail a driving test purely through dyslexia, because every time he told me to turn right I turned left. And we got lost. The examiner was furious, seething, and he failed me on the spot. Which was reasonable, of course. Goodness knows where we ended up. It was a completely strange part of Oxford to me, and obviously to the examiner as well. He couldn���t wait to get out of the car when we finally worked our way back to civilization.

ALAN: Reflections on the Magic of Writing is an autobiography, cobbled together after Diana Wynne Jones died, and made up of various articles and speeches that she published during her life. By its very nature, it is a little repetitive (she said similar things in many speeches), but it paints a fascinating picture of her development as both a person and a writer. I recommend it very highly.

JANE: Thanks for the recommendation.�� I���m definitely going to look for it.�� Was there anything in it you found particularly interesting or insightful?

ALAN: Oh, there are lots of wonderful anecdotes in it, but one that particularly struck me was that Diana Wynne Jones��� father was a schoolteacher and so he was well aware that children needed books. But he was also a skinflint. One day he came upon a second-hand set of Arthur Ransome’s children’s novels (known generically as the Swallows and Amazons series). For the next twelve years, at Christmas, he gave his children one volume from the set to be shared between them. Diana records that she was well into her university studies before she received the final volume…

JANE: Skinflint, self-centered adult characters who think they are kind and generous are a recurring motif in Diana Wynne Jones��� works.�� One who springs to mind immediately for me is Duffy in Dogsbody.�� Kathleen finally tells Duffy off, quite eloquently.�� I wonder if the author was letting loose a life-long desire?

Were there other anecdotes you found interesting?

ALAN: Actually, there was an interesting sequel related to Arthur Ransome. During the war, Diana and her siblings were evacuated to the Lake District where the Swallows and Amazons books are set. Arthur Ransome lived nearby and became very annoyed at the noise the children made while they were playing and he stormed into the house to complain. This was how Diana first learned that writers were actually real people. It was a little bit of a shock to her.

She also met Beatrix Potter, of Peter Rabbit fame. Diana records that Ms Potter was a crotchety old woman who smacked Diana’s sister for swinging on her front gate.

JANE: She must have been convinced that all writers are permanently bad-tempered.

ALAN: You mean they aren’t?

JANE: Ahem!�� Pray continue while I go find my sledgehammer so I can bludgeon you!

ALAN: When Diana Wynne Jones died, she left behind an incomplete novel. It was called The Islands of Chaldea. Her sister Ursula Jones couldn’t bear to leave it unfinished and even though she’d never done anything like it before, she decided to complete it on her sister’s behalf. It was published in 2014.

In an afterword, Ursula records how she scoured the text again and again searching for clues as to how Diana might have wanted the story to go. Eventually she found a small hint, early in the manuscript and she sat down to write the story. She says:

When I started to write, it came easily. It was almost as if Diana were at my elbow, prompting, prodding, turning sentences around, working alongside ��� and then it was finished, and she was gone again.

I’ve read (and loved) the novel, and trust me, you simply cannot see the joins. Ursula did a wonderful job of channeling her sister. I have no idea what this means in terms of the nature versus nurture debate as to whether writers are born or made. But I’m sure it must mean something.

JANE: I���ll need to read it and see if I agree����� But I���m so glad that writing it was a happy experience for Ursula.

Now I think we should probably stop nattering about her words and turn our readers loose to enjoy the works of this wonderful writer!

Kids and Critters

News Flash! April 30th through May 3, the e-book of Changer will be on sale at most major e-retailers, including Kobo and I-tunes.���� Don���t have an e-reader?�� Changer is also available in trade paperback (although not on sale) from Amazon Create Space or directly from me via my website bookshop.

Now to our regularly scheduled Tangent���

The questions I get most frequently asked in interviews is why I write about animals so often.

Kel and Nora

My automatic response is, ���Why wouldn���t I?�� Animals are fascinating and a lot more complicated than humans give them credit for being.���

This past weekend, we had an excellent illustration of just how complicated animals can be.�� Nora Bartel, age six, loves animals and was very eager to meet our cats and guinea pigs.�� We explained to her that our cats don���t have a lot of contact with children, so she should be prepared to have them be shy�� and take time to warm up to her.

Nora understood.�� At first the cats were a little shy, coming up to sniff, but backing away when Nora tried to pat them.�� Then Jim went and woke up Kel, who had been napping in the back.�� Kel is a gentle soul, but she doesn���t put up with any nonsense.�� However, she warmed to Nora very quickly.

Soon I saw Kel inviting Nora to play, prancing away a few steps, them pausing and looking back over her shoulder in an invitation for Nora to follow.�� We explained to Nora that Kel didn���t want to be chased fast, but that she wasn���t running away scared.�� Within a very short time, Kel had flopped down and was inviting Nora to pat her.

Nora was delighted to oblige, and soon they were great friends.

I found myself wondering why Kel had such a different reaction than the other three.�� Kwahe���e is very social, but he was content to watch and take an occasional pat.�� Persephone, who, at age three, is the most likely to fling herself into the middle of things, didn���t shun Nora, but she was definitely more cautious.�� Ogapoge eventually decided Nora was great, but not until Kel broke the ice.�� So why was Kel���s reaction so different?

Then I remembered.�� When Kel was a kitten, our nephew Christopher came to visit with his mom.�� Like Nora, Christopher was very interested in getting to know our cats.�� As with Nora, Christopher was told that he���d probably need to wait until the cats got to know him before they wanted to be patted.�� He showed superlative restraint, even when Kel (who was an impossibly cute fur ball) came right up to him and put her paws on him.

We told him it was okay to pat her, since she���d ���patted��� him first and before long they were great buddies.�� A six-year-old (especially one who loves baseball) will patiently throw balls for a kitten to chase for much longer than even indulgent adult cat lovers will do.�� Kel would play until she literally fell asleep on her feet.

However, this was a long time ago.�� Christopher is now in junior high.�� Kel is seven.�� Kel���s encounters between with small children have been limited.�� But, based on her behavior, she remembered that a small child could be a lot of fun.

Yet ���everyone��� ��� including scientists who study animals ��� will tell you that animals have no long-term memory.�� That certainly a few days in the life of kitten Kel would not be remembered seven years later.

Oh����� And despite the widely believed ���fact��� that cats are anti-social and only care about humans as sources of food and comfort, all four of our cats spent the evening hanging out with us in the living room.�� All four looked to interact, including settling into bits of furniture to be part of the party.�� They didn���t need to be fed or indulged.�� They just wanted to be there.

One thing I think gets in the way of people writing about animals is that even those who live with animals often don���t really see them as they are, they only see the human-imposed stereotypes of behavior.

Cats are standoffish, selfish, and aloof.�� Stereotypes applied to dogs vary and are often highly contradictory.�� Some of these are because different breeds behave differently.�� This really complicates the picture when the traits bred into one breed are applied to all dogs.

The same is true of wild animals.�� Human-imposed stereotypes are applied, as if animals are instinct-driven computers.�� The worst thing is that these stereotypes are often highly incorrect, based on insufficient information and a generalized series of behaviors.

A great example of this is the hyena.�� Everyone ���knows��� that hyenas are filthy, cowardly scavengers.�� They don���t hunt for themselves.�� Instead they skulk around, eating what lions leave behind, and carrion when other animals drop dead.�� They laugh slyly and, despite being cowards who don���t hunt, are ��� oddly enough ��� often represented as highly dangerous.

Guess what?�� Just about all of this is completely wrong.�� High-tech studies using devices that could capture animal behaviors on film, even at night, provided a completely different dynamic.�� Interestingly, initially, the studies weren���t of the hyenas, but were of lions ��� because lions are (in human stereotype) the dynamic ���king of the jungle.���

Turns out that the scavengers aren���t the hyenas����� It���s much more likely to be the lions.�� Hyenas have long front legs and shorter back legs.�� They have heavy heads, especially around the jaws.�� The combination of these traits make them seem to skulk when human body-language is imposed on them.�� Leaving out human prejudice, they���re actually excellent hunters.���� Lions (especially those noble ���kings���) are more inclined to get a meal the easiest way possible.�� Because lions live in groups (prides!), they can chase the hyenas from their kills.

And the evidence was there all along, but was ignored, because it didn���t fit the superimposed pattern.

Fascinating stuff!�� The fact is, most animals, even those we assume we know ���well,��� including domestic animals, are very different from the stereotypes imposed on them.

The same is true of children.�� It seems a pity to me that children are so rarely included in fiction, unless that fiction is written for children.�� If children are included in fiction written for a presumably adult audience, far too often, the child characters are treated much as animals are ��� not as three-dimensional characters, but as collections of stereotypical traits.

Those traits have much more to do with adult perceptions of children than the reality.�� The other day, a friend solemnly explained that most boys bond with their mothers and girls with their fathers.�� Certainly there are ���mommy���s boys��� and ���daddy���s girls,��� but the reverse is as often true or those terms wouldn���t exist at all.�� We���d just accept the pattern as normal.�� In fact, there are plenty of kids who aren���t either.�� They find traits in each parent that create a bond.

I don���t know why it is that many people ��� including writers, who I would like to think should be a bit more observant ��� find it so much easier not to see what���s around them and to instead choose to impose simplistic patterns.

Me?�� I���ll keep writing about animals and including children in my adult novels because, despite the adult human prejudice, animals and kids are as much ��� or more ��� a part of life as adult humans!