Steven Gregory's Blog: Everything You Need to Know Can Be Found in Folktales, page 3

Give a Little, Get a Lot

To put it a little bluntly, we live in a selfish world. So many people think "me first" all the time without giving thought or consideration to others. You see it in stores, on the roads as people drive, and even among friends and family. It's as if people believe only by putting themselves first without regard to others that they can move forward in life. How ironic that it's actually the opposite!

One of my favorite African folktales is "Koi and the Kola Nuts" (you used to be able to find it online for free, but not sure if you can now), in which Koi, the son of a chief, is left out of his father's inheritance when his father dies while he's off hunting. When he returns to find his brothers have received everything, he protests, but is given only a kola tree (the nuts contain caffeine and are used to flavor drinks but are not considered particularly valuable). So Koi takes the nuts and leaves the village. Along the way he meets a snake who needs a kola nut for medicine for his mother. Then he meets some ants who need to return some stolen kola nuts. And lastly he meets a crocodile who needs to repay an eaten dog with kola nuts. With no thought of reward, Koi gives each creature some of the kola nuts. When Koi reaches a distant village and has to complete three seemingly impossible tasks, each of the creatures he helped find him and help him accomplish the tasks, eventually resulting in Koi's marrying the chief's beautiful daughter and becoming heir to the chiefdom.

A lot of people look at this as simply a story, but the principle behind it is a truism. When you give, it comes back to you. Even better, giving often costs us very little either in time or effort. What we get back, even if it's not from the same person or thing we gave to, makes that small investment more than worthwhile. Of course, on the opposite end of the spectrum, if we refuse to give help at all, what we get back will assuredly be worse. For a prime example of that, read the Spanish folktale of "Medio Pollito" ("Half-Chick").

Have a question or issue that's nagging you? Send me an email and I'll find a folktale to help you out!

How Do You Say Thanks?

It seems nowadays that gratitude and thanks are things of the past. When a favor is done, many people just don't say "thank you" or act as if they deserved it. Are we really that inconsiderate of others? Even if someone is obliged to help us, or offers to help us, would it hurt us to say thanks to them for their effort? Wouldn't that make a better world? There is a nice little tale from India (and similar ones from other countries) that speaks to not only how many are treated, but also as to how we should treat them. It is entitled, "The Tiger, the Brahman, and the Jackal."

One day a tiger had been caught in a trap and was unable to get out. By chance a brahman (member of the priest class) came by. The tiger begged to be let out. The brahamn refused, saying that if he did, the tiger would only eat him. The tiger insisted he would not, and the two went back and forth until at last the brahman, believing the tiger was truly sincere, let him out. The tiger immediately seized the brahman and told him that he was about to eat him.

The brahman pleaded for his life, but the tiger said that was simply the way of things. The brahman then reached an agreement with the tiger that if that was truly the way of things, as determined by three impartial judges, then the brahman would consent to be eaten. So the tiger let the brahman up to go ask for judgment. The brahman first came to a pipal tree. The tree responded, "I give shade to all who pass by and seek it, yet my reward is that they tear off my branches and give them to their cattle. What have you to complain about?" A little sadder, the brahman walked on and came to an oxen turning a wheel well. "What a fool you are!" said the oxen. "When I was young and gave milk, I was fed the best food. Now that I am old, I am put out here to toil and given the worst to eat." Now very saddened, the brahman walked on and came across a jackal who asked him why he was so upset. After hearing the story, the jackal said that he was too confused to render judgment there and would need to see where it had all occurred, returning with the brahman to the tiger.

When the tiger saw them, he prepared to eat the brahman. But before he did, the jackal intervened and asked to be told the story again. Still, more confused the second time, he asked the tiger to tell him the events. "So the brahman was in the trap?" the jackal asked after hearing the tale for the third time. "I was in the trap!" the tiger roared. "Yes, yes, I was in the trap," the jackal stammered, scared of the roaring tiger. "Not you, me!" the tiger roared. "But how did you get in the trap?" the jackal asked. "Like this!" and the tiger jumped back into the trap. "Now do you understand how it was?" At that moment, the jackal jumped up quickly and shut the door to the trap, locking the tiger back inside. "I do," answered the jackal, "and I think matters are best as they were."

Are you like the tiger? If you are, don't be surprised to find yourself "locked up" as a result. A quick thanks never hurts, and just may set you free from much more than you think.

Have a question you want to ask? Send me an email and I'll be happy to find you an answer in folktales!

Beware How Highly You Think of Yourself

With all the self-help gurus running around these days, you'd think the most common problem we have is a lack of self-esteem. While that may be true, we also suffer from the opposite end of the spectrum in thinking far too much of ourselves. That is, we often feel like we deserve more than what we have, that other people should treat us with deference, and that the world should revolve around OUR axis. If you do, rest assured that there will be someone who will set out to humble you (and most likely succeed). So we learn in this wonderful tale from Iraq.

The Khalifa (or Caliph) was walking through the city of Bagdad one winter's day with one of his ministers. This minister was very wise, and often put on airs because of it. Though the Khalifa valued his wisdom, we was often annoyed at the minister's treatement of others. As the two walked by the river, they came across a fuller (a person who makes cloth full or fluffy) beting a sheepskin in the water. The Khalifa stopped at the fuller and asked, "You have twelve, do you need these three?" The fuller responded, "For the sake of the thirty and two." The minister looked confused, not just at the question, but at the response. The Khalifa noticed his minister and continued by asking the fuller, "How is the far?" "It is now near," the fuller responded. The minister looked even more confused at this and the Khalifa continued. "If I send you a goose, will you pluck it for me?" "I will pluck its feathers and return it to you," the fuller answered simply. The Khalifa nodded and then moved off. After a short while, the Khalifa turned to his minister and asked if he understood what the two had said. The minister honestly admitted that he had not. "I give you three hours to determine the riddle," the Khalifa said sternly. "If you have not discovered it by then, I shall cut off your head." The minister bowed and left the Khalifa. The first place he went was to his home where he gathered up a large bag of gold coins and headed back to the fuller. When he arrived, he told the fuller that he would like to ask him some questions. The fuller responded that he would answer the questions the minister had for one hundred gold coins each. The minister accepted the terms, responding that the loss of coins was better than the loss of his head. Then he asked what the Khalifa had meant with the twelve and three. The fuller first asked for the hundred coins, then replied, "The Khalifa said there are twelve months in the year, do I also need to work during these three winter months? I responded that for the sake of my teeth I did, for if I do not work, I not eat." The minister nodded, but the answer to the first question put him nowhere near the answer to the second, so he asked what was meant by the near and far exchange. The fuller asked for the next hundred gold coins then answered, "The Khalifa asked how my vision was. When I was young I could see clearly far, but now I can only see clearly that which is near." The minister nodded again. Still, he could not guess the third part of the riddle and asked the fuller. To this the fuller responded that he must have all the gold that the minister had left. The minister handed over the bag with the last of his gold coins. "The goose is you," the fuller responded, "and now that I have thoroughly plucked you, you may return to the Khalifa." The minister, shamed and humbled, left the fuller and returned to the Khalifa a wiser and better man.

It's important to keep in mind, as this Iraqi tale tells us, that there is nothing wrong with being wise or clever. All three men in the tale are that. However, the warning comes that putting yourself above others by virtue of some trait you possess (cleverness, strength, wealth, etc.) is a fault, a fault that others will resent, and a fault that one day someone will come along and humble you with.

Have a question you want to ask? Send me an email and I'll be happy to find you an answer in folktales!

Wealth Does Not Equal Happiness

You've heard it a million times (or more), you can't buy happiness. But just once you'd like to be given the opportunity. After all, you're pretty sure that if you weren't worried about your mortgage/rent payment, car payment, credit card bills, utility bills, and other bills, you could probably find some time to be happy. Or could you? There's a famous European folktale that says otherwise.

There was once a king who ruled wisely and justly, and was loved by his people. He had made peace with neighboring kingdoms, and he had a happy and beautiful family. But one day he fell ill. All the court physicians came to him, but none could discern the cause of his illness or how to cure him. Each day he grew weaker and weaker. The court wise men were called in and were equally baffled. Then, the oldest and wisest of the king's wise men told him that the only cure for his disease was to put on the shirt of a truly happy man. Immediately, all the messengers in the kingdom were sent out to find a truly happy man. Over the next several days, they began to return, one by one, disappointed. No one could find a truly happy man. Then, early on the morning of the fourth day, a messenger returned with news. He had found a truly happy man. The weak king was dressed and put on his horse, and the king, his guards, and the messenger rode out to the edge of the kingdom. The sun was setting as they arrived at a very poor, small house. It had a small but well tended garden, and while the people were obviously poor, things seemed to be in good order. The messenger climbed down from his horse and knocked on the door. A woman answered.

"Bring your husband," he ordered. "The king has come to see him."

The woman at first protested that her husband was tired and had gone to sleep, but the messenger demanded he be woken. So the woman went in the house. A minute later a man came to the door wrapped in a blanket. Though he was obviously tired, his eyes twinkled and a smile was on his face.

"How may I serve His Majesty?" the man asked.

"The king requires your shirt," the messenger said.

At this the man began to laugh. When the messenger demanded to know why, the man removed the blanket. He was so poor that he did not own a shirt!

There are a couple versions of the story. The most common ends here, the point being made. Another version, perhaps made later to appease listeners, has the king learning happiness from the poor man and his wife, and in return granting them whatever it is they need to live, to which they reply nothing, but the king grants them more land and a larger home anyway.

But the point of the story is obvious, regardless of the ending you choose. Happiness is a state of mind, not a financial state. And while we know daily life would be easier if we never had to consider how much money we had in our checking account, you only have to look at the number of rich and powerful people who mess up their lives to realize that happiness is as elusive to them as it is to the rest of us.

So what's the solution? Choose to be happy regardless. Find a reason to make yourself happy. It could be something simple like just being alive. It could be friends and family. It could be a talent like music or painting. Maybe you're a great hairdresser. Maybe you just love growing a garden. Whatever it is, latch onto it. In the end, you will find that what you really want is happiness anyway, and it may surprise you what else comes your way when you're happy.

For more folktale insight, check out my ebook The Wisdom of Folktales Lessons on How to Live Happily Ever After, available here, at BarnesandNoble.com, at Amazon.com, and at Smashwords.com!

Have a question you want to ask? Send me an email and I'll be happy to find you an answer in folktales!

Once upon a time...

Life isn't an easy thing to get through. Every day it's filled with problems, issues, and challenges that make us fume, rant, despair, or cry. To deal with these, we often turn to therapists, substances, or religion. But getting answers to life's questions and conundrums doesn't need to come attached to professional services fees, symptom-quashing drugs (legal or otherwise), or tithes and prayers. Our forbears already wrestled with many of our problems (at least in principle) and left us their answers in the form of folk and fairy tales -- the same folk and fairy tales that we tell today and our children will tell tomorrow! Yes, life's answers come with a dose of hocus pocus and "happily ever after." For example:

We often never know how much influence we have on the lives of others. Sometimes we try to provide helpful advice and lecture others into proper behavior, but the greatest influence has always been, and will always be, our own lives. When my father passed away in March 2011, I told this story from Turkey at his funeral. A father bunny once called his three children to him and told them it was time for them to move out and live on their own. He cautioned them though to build a burrow as he had done and to live close. The first bunny, deciding he had enough of a burrow life, decided to build himself a house of twigs and grass. So this he did, and then went to the meadow to eat. A fox came and saw him, chased him home, tore down his house, and ate him. The second bunny decided that he wanted to live in a comfortable nest. So he gathered a great pile of soft grass and built himself a nest at the foot of a large tree among its roots, then he went to the meadow to eat. The fox came again, saw him, and followed him to his nest. After laughing, the fox pounced on the bunny and ate him up. But the third bunny decided that what had worked for his parents would certainly work for him too. But he decided to build a larger, deeper burrow. When he was finished, he too went to the meadow to eat. The fox saw him and gave chase, but the bunny dashed into his burrow which was too small for the fox. And it was so long and deep that the fox had no hope of ever digging him out. In frustration, the fox left and never returned. That bunny, his family, and his parents all lived happily ever after.

What example are you leaving for others to follow? Will they build thatched houses, nests, or safe burrows based on your example?

For more folktale insight, check out my ebook The Wisdom of Folktales Lessons on How to Live Happily Ever After available here, at BarnesandNoble.com, at Amazon.com, and at Smashwords.com!