Serena B. Miller's Blog, page 7

Muddy River

I grew up up in a four-room house perched on the banks of the Little Scioto River in Southern Ohio. That river provided unending entertainment for us kids. There were crawdads to catch, mussels to track, and ancient grapevines to swing on. We swam, fished, paddled around in an old flat-bottomed boat, took slivers of soap along with us and took a soapy bath when the weather was hot. It even had a nice gentle swimming hole that doubled as a baptistry for our church both summer and winter.

My older sister would sometimes fry up bacon and tomato sandwiches, wrap them in waxed paper, grab her bathing suit and little sister, and we’d go spend the day up the river on a sandbank where she could lie in the sun, and I could play in the water or dig for buried treasure. One memorable day I dug up a snapping turtle.

When the rains came, our mother checked the level of the creek several times a night to make sure it didn’t get into our house. But if it did, we knew we’d be okay because we could climb up the hill to the railroad and walk the tracks to my uncle’s place on higher ground. A mile up the river in the other direction was my Aunt Mary and Uncle Frosty’s home which was filled to bursting with cousins to play with.

One of those cousins recently wrote a song about our river that I thought I’d share.

Raising “Preacher’s Kids”

As most of you know, I write novels about the Amish. At the beginning of my career, I visited Abram and Leah’s Old Order Amish home for dinner. Abram is an extraordinarily spiritual man who speaks openly about God and grace. He is also an extremely social person and seemed delighted to have company. The invitation had come through mutual friends and so this was the first time I had ever met Leah. She was quiet and seemed to be deep in thought as she prepared our dinner.

It was early days in my research of the Amish and I thought perhaps this was just the way of Amish women. Quiet. Pensive. Allowing their husbands to carry the conversational ball. Abram was well-read in the Bible and he and my minister husband were having a discussion about Bible translations while Leah silently worked, and I tried, quite awkwardly, to help in her unfamiliar kitchen.

I didn’t know if Leah was resentful of the fact that we were there and was just being an obedient Amish wife, or if the woman was depressed out of her mind. Our conversation was halting and stilted.

After we’d eaten and were sitting around watching their children play. Leah asked if we had any children.

I assumed this was her attempt at polite conversation.

“Yes, I have three grown sons.”

“And your husband is a preacher?”

“Yes.”

She gave this some thought. “For how long?”

I counted up. “He’s preached full-time for over thirty years.”

She looked me in the eyes for the first time since we’d arrived and asked, “How have your sons turned out?”

It was a strangely intimate question from a woman who’d barely said two words all evening, but I answered truthfully. “By the grace of God, they have grown into fine men who love the Lord.”

It was at that point that the verbal dam broke and I discovered that Leah was not quiet by nature, or depressed, or simply being an obediently silent wife. The woman was worried sick.

“Our church is going to choose another minister soon,” she said. “And I’m afraid that Abram will be chosen.”

I had read enough about the Amish church to know that the men didn’t become preachers by choice. They were selected from within their church after a lengthy process of elimination. I also knew that this position was considered an honor in their culture so I did not understand why she was so upset. “Why are you so worried?”

“Because,” she answered, sadly. “In the Amish church, sometimes the preacher’s children turn out very badly.”

I was surprised by her statement. “Sometimes preacher’s children in non-Amish churches turn out badly, too,” I told her.

“Do you know what they call preacher’s children in the Amish church?” she asked.

“No.” I wondered what awful name Amish kids might have come up with.

“PK’s,” she answered, obviously offended. “They call them PK’s! That stands for preacher’s kids. People expect them to be perfect.” Then she added mournfully, “They expect the preacher’s wives to be perfect, too.”

 

Ah. Now I understood. The old stereotype of the perfect preacher’s wife. I had been painfully aware of it for most of my married life, and equally aware that I had never come even close to achieving it. I was surprised to find that it was part of the Amish culture as well.

My heart went out to her. It’s a rare preacher’s wife who doesn’t wrestle with feelings that unachievable expectations are being thrust upon her and try as she might, she can’t measure up. The preacher’s kids have to deal with it, too, which can cause a lot of problems.

“How have you done it?” she asked. “How have you raised sons who love the Lord when your husband is a preacher?”

 

I was old enough to be Leah’s mother, and had a lifetime of watching many preachers’ families crash and burn while others managed to thrive. I’d learned a few things that I thought might help her. Things like how I’d given up on being the perfect preacher’s wife a long time ago, and had given up on my kids acting like little angels as well. I had learned that it was just best to be who I was and let my kids be regular kids. I told her how the women at the churches we’d served had always seemed a little relieved when they found out I was struggling along in life just like the rest of them.

She explained that the Amish culture was much less flexible in their expectations of preacher’s families than ours. For the next hour we had our own, private conversation about how to survive as a preacher’s family–while our much more spiritual husbands had a rousing discussion about Biblical passages.

Leah and I bonded that evening, and we have been friends ever since. The next time I saw her two months later, she was a different person. She was bubbling and smiling. All signs of depression were gone.

“What happened?” I asked. “Was Abram chosen to be your church’s minister?”

“No!” she exclaimed, obviously giddy with joy. “He wasn’t chosen! We’re safe until someone else dies!”

 

I’ve learned a great deal about Amish ministers since then and have spoken to several. There are some things about being an Amish minister that would make even my husband cringe. There is no feeling of a “calling” involved. An Amish man does not have the luxury of deciding whether or not he wants to preach. If chosen, it is a position he will hold for life, with much responsibility. Once chosen, most Amish men take on that responsibility with great dread….and yet they do take it on.

The way I understand it, most Amish churches have one bishop, three ministers, and one deacon. The bishop is chosen from the ranks of the three ministers when the old bishop grows too infirm or dies. To become a minister basically involves two steps. First, people privately give the bishop names from within the church of men they think would make a good preacher. Then the bishop decides which of those men mentioned are viable candidates for the office.

If there are, say, five candidates, there will be a service where five hymnals will be laid out, and after much prayer these five men will each come forward and choose a hymnal. The one who chooses the hymnal with a paper inside that says something along the lines of “You have been chosen” will become the new minister.

The paper in the hymnbook is the Amish way of “casting lots,” of allowing God to have the final, ultimate, say.

Being a minister is a responsibility most Amish men do not desire. Neither do their wives. It means that for the rest of his life, he’ll be expected to preach, teach, and watch out for the needs of the church—without pay—while trying to also make a living and care for his own family. The only way he can get out of this responsibility is the same exit path as the bishop. He must become too infirm to function, or die. Either that or leave the church entirely, which a few actually do.

One minister described to me the sick feeling he had in the pit of his stomach when he opened the hymnal and found the “you are chosen” paper inside. He said he had dreaded the possibility so much, and felt so ill when he saw it, that it was all he could do not to throw up.

He did, however, shoulder the responsibility and began to spend much time in prayer, in Bible study, and in learning how to prepare sermons and preach.

Knowing well how hard the responsibilities of the ministry have been for my husband who was a man who actually desired it, trained for it, and got a salary for it–I can only imagine how hard it is for someone like an Amish farmer to step up to the plate and handle all the responsibilities involved.

And on top of that is the fear that, as Leah said, the preachers’ kids will turn out very badly—and it has very little to do with the particular church. A friend of mine who is the wife of a Unitarian Universalist minister confessed to having the exact same worries as she was raising her own children. It is hard to find a church more liberal than hers, and it would be nearly impossible to find a church more conservative than Leah’s, and yet the concern for the children is the same. Will the pressures of living in a preacher’s home destroy them?

Here’s some advice to anyone involved in ministry—from a veteran preacher’s wife—the same things I shared with Leah that night.

 Don’t hold your kids to a higher standard than the regular members of the church. One of the biggest mistakes preacher-parents can make is to tell their children that they are forbidden to do something or have to do something just because they are PK’s. The standards should be high because of being a Christian family—not because of the artificially imposed standard of their father’s job.
 Make sure that what your kids hear from the pulpit is the same as what they see modeled at home. I can’t think of any surer way to destroy a child’s faith than to have a parent who preaches one thing and does another. Hypocrisy in anyone is toxic, but in a preacher’s family it is deadly.
 Loosen up. Don’t make a federal offense out of every little thing. Kids are kids. Even the Amish realize that their teens will have their “running-around” period. Love them no matter what. Don’t kick them when they’re down just because they might have embarrassed you by bad behavior.
 It’s extremely wise NOT to enter the ministry at all until you have a secondary skill or degree that can provide an income in case you need to leave. There is nothing sadder than a preacher hanging on after losing heart, just because it’s the only job he knows how to do. Learn to be a “tent-maker” like the Apostle Paul just in case. If nothing else, it keeps the leaders of your church from taking you for granted if they know you have other options for employment.
 Never, ever, ever make church a greater priority than your family. Congregations come and go—but your greatest responsibility is the souls of the people who live beneath your roof.
 Don’t be afraid to have fun. The healthiest preacher’s family I ever knew, and the one I tried to model my own parenting on, had so much fun together. The father was a Godly man, but one who knew his way around a practical joke and his kids were often the recipients. They all grew into adults with great integrity who adored their parents and also loved the Lord.
 If it gets too hard on your family—get out. I always knew that if the kids or I could no longer deal with my husband being in the ministry—he would get out if it became really important to us for him to do so. He did not love us more than God, but we always knew he loved us more than the people who made up his congregation. Just knowing that we were “giving” our church the gift of having him in the pulpit made a great deal of difference in our attitude. It still does.

Sometimes preachers’ children do turn out very badly. Sometimes preachers’ kids turn out very well. Either way, Leah is safe….for now. The last time I talked to her, she said their bishop, ministers, and deacon are all looking wonderfully healthy and she is praying that their good health continues for many, many years to come so that a replacement will not have to be sought until her children are grown.

-Serena

Drive-in Time!

Last Saturday evening, June 14, I watched hundreds of people enjoy an old-fashioned drive-in movie.

The screen is setup, just waiting on it to get dark!

The Village of Sugarcreek hired a company to construct a temporary drive-in theater in the same area where the Swiss Festival is conducted each year. I didn’t even know there were companies that did such a thing, but it turned out to be a brilliant idea. The screen was large and worked perfectly, the sound was wonderful, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves immensely. People spread picnics out on blankets, set up lawn chairs, or simply parked their cars and rolled down their windows.

Annie Kitral (who played Aunt Lydia) and Marianna Allachi (who played Aunt Anna) Signing my LFY Sugarcreek books with me :)

For two hours before the movie started, I had the privilege of signing books with two of my favorite actresses in the world. Annie Kitral (who played Aunt Lydia) and Marianna Allachi (who played Aunt Anna) gave readers an extra thrill by sitting beside me and also autographing each book.

I love getting to talk with the readers!

It was SO funny to see people’s faces when they recognized the two women–but it didn’t happen immediately. I’d sign a book, and then pass it down to Annie/Aunt Lydia. I’d ask the customer “Do you know who this is?” And whoever was standing across the table from me would stare at her and say, “Well, she looks familiar.” And then Annie/Aunt Lydia would say, “I LUFF to cook!” in that accent that she used in the movie, and Marianna/Aunt Anna would bat her eyes and say, “We got cookies!” just like she did in the movie. People would gasp, and throw a hand over their mouths, and then stand and talk until they had to move on to give someone else a chance to get their books signed.

Even the kids were getting into it!

So why am I going on and on about this? Because moments of sheer, pure joy are rare. June 14 was one of those times for me and I wanted to share it with you.

-Serena

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

I just wanted to say THANK YOU! We just got the ratings in for the premiere night of the movie and… we broke UPTV’s highest record for ratings! Check out more info here http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com

Anyways, if you didn’t get a chance to see it, or you wanna know what everyone is talking about, don’t worry! There will be an encore Friday (June 6th) @ 9pm and 11pm est.

I’m so happy everyone enjoyed it! The reviews and comments have been Amazing!

Love Finds You in Sugarcreek – Movie Update!

Hey everyone!

This Sunday (June 1st) is the premiere of the movie adaptation of Love Finds You in Sugarcreek, Ohio! We’re really excited and just wanted to remind everyone!

UPTV @ 7:00 pm EST and throughout the rest of the week. We’re also having two viewing parties during the premiere. One will be online (sorry we can’t stream the movie) but everyone is welcome to join in on the discussion via Twitter & Facebook using #LFYSugarcreek. The other viewing party will be a screening that will take place at our home church after evening services, June 1st @ 7:45 pm, anyone that is local and wants to stop by is more than welcome!

UPTV Channels: DirectTV 338, Dish 188, Local Cable, and we just found out (if you live in our home town of Minford) that Minford TV now has UPTV on channel 131!

Here are some pictures we never showed from the filming during the baseball scene!

Sarah and Thomas, just hanging out and waiting for the next camera shot.

Tom, showing off baseball skills :)

The hair stylist making sure Sarah is good to go!

 

Serena and Kris who played the Umpire for the baseball game.

Trailer Link / Local Listings / More Info

Alumna of the Year

Serena, acceptance speech for Alumna of the Year 2014

A couple months ago, Serena was asked to attend Ohio Valley University‘s Homecoming Weekend 2014. She knew she might have to say a few words since she was a student of OVU, but she didn’t dream she’d be picked as the Alumna of the Year! She thoroughly enjoyed the weekend, and really enjoyed the singing and talent performances by the current students of OVU. Below is a copy of Dr. Harold Shank’s (President of OVU) quarterly newsletter commenting on the homecoming weekend.

-Jacob

Presidents Update Spring 2014

Have you heard!?

Official Christy Award emblem.

We just found out that Serena is a finalist in the Christy Awards!  Serena’s novel Under a Blackberry Moon has been nominated for the Historical / Romance category of the 2014 Christy Awards  (link)  For those unaware, the Christy Awards were started in 2000, and are awarded each year to recognize novels of excellence written from a Christian worldview. (it’s a pretty big deal!) The winners will be announced June 23, 2014 in Atlanta and we’re very excited about Serena being nominated

-Jacob

Welcome Cocoa!

  So while Serena was in L.A. for a conference, her goat Cleo (short for Cleopatra) gave birth to a spunky little Kid named Cocoa.

She’s only a few days old, but she already loves giving kisses. We did have the name “Tiny Dancer” pegged for her, but we soon realized it had too many syllables for when my baby niece starts talking.

Serena’s words: “Some people wouldn’t think so, but I consider this to be therapeutic!”

I Think she’s pretty happy with little Cocoa.

-Jacob

 

New Book Release!

When best-selling crime writer Logan Parker travels with his fiancée on a trip to Amish Country in Holmes County, Ohio, he goes just to make her happy. While the trip isn’t exactly a romantic success—Logan is consumed by an old Amish farmhouse he sees and can’t get out of his mind. In a less-than-sane moment, Parker decides he must have the house. Maybe it’s the solution he needs to overcome his lingering writer’s block.

Another Holmes County resident, Hope Yoder, has lost her husband in a tragic farm accident—and she has two small children with one on the way. Desperate to support her family, she soon learns that finding work is going to be very hard for the Amish widow.

New property owner Logan soon realizes that peaceful as his large new farmhouse is, it’s more than he can manage by himself. He needs help, and it comes in the form of Hope, Hope Yoder. As she begins to get his house in order, Parker finds himself beginning to write again. Why does Logan feel so at home in Holmes County? Why is he so drawn to Hope?

Fearless Hope is set to be released tomorrow, (4/8/2014) and I can’t wait to hear what you guys think! I hope you’ll enjoy this last installment of the Amish series I’ve been working on!

Here’s a link for more information and where you can pick up a copy of Fearless Hope: http://serenabmiller.com/works/fearless-hope/

Happy Reading!

-Serena

 

Attitude Adjustment

I am a spoiled brat. It’s true.

This is how I know:

Our church is having home groups the next four Sunday nights this month and my husband–the preacher–has been having a little difficulty getting enough homes to host everyone. Therefore he and I are hosting a group– yet again–even though it is very inconvenient to do so right now.

I have extensive edits to finish on this latest manuscript and they are due April 1. I have a screen-writing class I’ll be flying out to L.A. to take in less than a month that I need to prepare for. I have a family birthday coming up next week, a little grandson needing help getting to and from physical therapy, a book discussion group to talk with, and a new book coming out April 4th to promote. There’s e-mails to answer, phone calls to make, and meals to prepare. And for health reasons, my sister and I are attempting to fence in some acreage because we are planning to purchase a couple nanny goats to milk in the near future.

It really isn’t fair to expect me to have to clean my house and prepare snacks for home groups. Right? I mean–how much can one woman accomplish. I work hard. I need a break. At least that’s the way my mind has been running the past couple of days.

And now I’m so ashamed. I’m so very, very ashamed.

Unless God intervenes, 33 Christians will be killed tomorrow in North Korea for the crime of possessing a Bible. For quietly meeting together to pray and talk about Jesus.

My guess is that these people would not consider it a sacrifice to host home groups right now. To be able to openly meet with other Christians.

I have no power to keep those murders from happening. But I know one thing for sure–suddenly, my whole attitude has changed. It feels like an honor and a privilege to clean and cook and welcome my friends into my home this next month. We will sing and pray and learn from our multiple copies of the Bible we’re allowed to possess. We will eat good food, and get caught up on one another’s lives. And we will do so with no fear at all that we will be taken away and killed for it.

I pray the Lord will either change the hearts of the North Korean leaders, or give these Christian martyrs courage. I also pray the Lord will forgive me for being so carelessly ungrateful with this gift of the freedom to worship.

-Serena