Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 485

October 10, 2012: Looking ahead! Another Stargate poll! What was the best comedic episode in Stargate history? The Snow Monkey report!

To those of you asking – Yes, I fully intend to continue my trip down Stargate Atlantis memory lane by covering the fifth season and, eventually, offering some insight into the never-produced SGA movie, Stargate: Extinction.  I’ve planned a trip to Japan for early November, so that Akemi can visit with her family, and plan to resume my Stargate reminiscing when I return.  Our Supermovie of the Week Club will also be on hiatus while I’m away, not, of course, because Cookie Monster will also be away (We’re two completely different people after all.  Not sure what you were thinking), but simply because I’ll find it very difficult to hold him to his guest review commitments while I’m in Tokyo.

Received some terrific news from an old friend yesterday.  Turns out he’ll be retuning to Vancouver to run a new show.  Can’t reveal who or what yet but, suffice it to say, it’s great news and, in a matter of months, we’ll be chowing down – just like old times.  Akemi was positively thrilled upon hearing the news, marginally less so when I told her our friend would probably get his own place while in town rather than move in to our guest room.

Sad Usagi-chan.

It’s time for another Stargate poll – and another chance to win a signed script by voting and then leaving a comment on the poll page.

This month, I’m asking: “What was the best comedic episode in Stargate history?”.  Surprisingly, there were quite  a few contenders:

Take Our Poll

Vote, comment, and then tune in to this blog for a chance to win your very own signed script.

Congratulations! (c/o www.go-nagano.net)

Huzzah!  Following a horrible 0-3 start to the season, my Snow Monkeys have scratched and clawed their way up to a 2-3 record.  If the playoffs were held today, the Snow Monkeys would nab the 8th and final post-season spot in our 14 team league.  Despite the sub-par record, we’re the 4th highest scoring team with a tough-luck 5th highest points against.  In week #1, we would have had a record of 3-10 vs. all league opponents.  By week #2, our overall record would have improved to 5-8.  In week#3, we would have beaten 8 out of the other 13 teams (8-5).  10-3 was my overall record in week #4 and, by week #5, my Snow Monkeys boasted an impressive 13-0 record vs. all other contenders.  Now THAT is some rebuilding.  All that said, I face a tough match-up in week #6 against The Mighty Merkins given two of my best players (Drew Brees and Marques Colston) are on a bye.  Still, I’m confident in my match-ups: Josh Freeman and Doug Martin against a weak KC D, Hartline at home against the Rams in what should be a shoot-out, Jared Cook the ONLY Tennessee offensive threat, a harrassing Falcons D at home against the lowly Raiders, #2 ranked fantasy kicker Lawrence Tynes, heavily-targeted Dwayne Bowe and, best of all, running back Trent Richardson who I traded for last week and has been nothing short of spectacular!

What do you mean you don’t care?!  The Snow Monkeys are defending champions!   They just barely made the playoffs last year, snagging that final wildcard spot before running the table and shocking the world (or, well, our Stargate fantasy football league anyway).

GO SNOW MONKEYS!!!

Tagged: SF television, SG-1, SGA, Stargate, Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate: SG-1

October 9, 2012: In which the author recommends stuff!

You know what’s even better than discovering a terrific new book? Discovering a terrific new author.  All too often, I’ve come across books I’ve enjoyed only to be disappointed by subsequent works by the same author.  Not so with Jeffrey Ford, one of the most imaginative and consistently entertaining writers out there.  Several years ago, I was so impressed by The Empire of Ice Cream, a collection of some of his short fiction, that I decided to check out his other titles.  Nine books later and I’m still in awe.  His recent collection, Crackpot Palace, is another winner, taking readers on a wild, breathtaking, occasionally surreal, altogether marvelous narrative ride.

I don’t watch a lot of movies.  Ever since I got the basement home theater, I’ve avoided movie theaters.  And, ever since Blu-ray came out, I’ve avoided buying DVD’s.  So where does that leave me? Filmically bereft.  Still, I do manage to watch the occasional movie if I happen to catch it on satellite.  Such was the case with Drive, a movie I honestly expected to underwhelm but which, surprisingly, impressed. Mightily.  No, it’s not an action movie (in the Hollywood sense of the term) but the script is breathtaking in its conciseness, the direction gorgeous, and the performances outstanding.  What more do you want?

It’s DC Comics’ version of Hill Street Blues, a series that focuses on the lives of the dedicated officers who are tasked with cleaning up after the likes of Catwoman, the Joker, and, yes, even Batman.  Writers Ed Brubaker and Greg Rucka deliver a gritty procedural that simultaneously grounds Gotham City and makes it come alive in a way I’ve never seen (or, quite frankly, believed) before.  With the exception of one questionable beat in which someone just happens to overhear a secret – uttered by a character who just happens to be talking to herself (!), it’s a tight, noir masterpiece.  The art, by Michael Lark and the others, is perfect.

So I picked up about a dozen titles on The Top 100 Mystery Novels of All Time list compiled by the Mystery Writers of America and have, thus far, read six.  All fine reads but I suspect that much of the praise heaped on these books are the result of contextual consideration, an evaluation based on the books as a product of their time, their strengths and weaknesses weighed relative to their historical significance rather than standalone works judged by more contemporary standards.  In five out of six reads, I found myself making excuses for some of the clunkier narrative elements.  The Talented Mr. Ripley was the exception.  Patricia Highsmith crafts a novel so engaging, so unnervingly suspenseful, that I skipped my bedtime and stayed up until 3:00 a.m. to finish it.  And, unlike most of today’s books, movies, and t.v. shows – it kept me guessing at every turn.

Tagged: Crackpot Palace, Drive, Ed Brubaker, Gotham Central, Greg Rucka, Jeffrey Ford, Patricia Highsmith, The Talented Mr. Ripley

October 8, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Elektra!

Dis movie as confused as monster at Grover’s bris after me down four shooters, tree oatmeal cookies (de drink, not de cookie), and six oatmeal cookies (de cookies, not de drink).  But me not de only one confused dat night.  Turn out whole party giant misunderstanding. Girlfriend tired of Grover being taken advantage of by telemarketers and aktually ask him to be circumspekt.

Anyway, movie begin wit Elektra killing some guy.  She so good dat even in totally inappropriate sexy red outfit, she able to sneak in, take out guards, and get her man.  Subtle she aint, but why need for subtlety when you have weird unexplained mind powers like ability to see future events, ability to see tings happening somewhere else, and ability to move around really fast and whisper in people’s ears.

Elektra given new assignment by her agent.  She move into cabin on de lake where she meet annoying kid next door and annoying kid’s handsome dad.  Even though she be secret assassin, she have no problem going over to handsome guy’s house for dinner and being all chummy.  Not make much sense but, hey, neither does sexy red outfit.

Elektra contacted by agent and receives assignment.  Turns out her target be…handsome guy.  BUT she not able to go through wit it.  Why not?  Becuz she a big softy – like most successful assassins.

Ah, movie love. So unmotivated and pointless.

BUT it turn out other assassins not so softy and handsome guy’s house attacked by ninjas.  Elektra fight to protect him and, every time she kill off a ninja, he disappear in a puff of green smoke.  Why?  Shaddap. You ask too many qwestions.

Elektra realize handsome guy and annoying kid are in danger, so she bring dem to her agent’s house so she can put HIM in danger.  And, later, killed when ninjas attack his place.

Elektra, handsome guy, and annoying kid on de run.  We find out annoying kid is wanted by secret organization called De Hand becuz…well, dis not really explained.  But dey want her!  Dey want her so bad dat Hand send five super assassins after her.

Worst Pyjama Party Ever

In one of movie’s many ridikulous sekwences, Elektra and co. chased into woods by super assassins.  One super assassin killed when tree lands on him.  Quick on his feet he aint, especially for a ninja.  Another assassin, Typhoid, kiss Elektra and give her disease.  Black leaves fall around dem.  But day is saved by good ninjas.  How monster know dey be good ninjas?  Becuz dey wear white of course!

Snatch dis shoulder from my hand, grasshopper.

Turns out white ninjas led by Elektra’s former master.  Back at master’s school, Elektra learns dat Master gave her assignment to kill handsome guy in order to test her.  Huh?

What me tell you about asking qwestions?!

Elektra return to house she grew up in.  We recognize it from annoying flashback sekwences dat appear throughout dis movie.  In flashbacks, we find out Elektra’s mother killed.  By Devil!  No.  By mysterious ninja!  No.  By leader of de super assassins.  But we not learn dis last fakt until final battle when leader shout: “Now you’ll remember.”  Why? Why now?

Why not you just shaddap and enjoy de movie. Or, well, shaddap anyway.

Careful. Don’t get yer foot all tangled up in de wires.

Elektra ending up killing super assassins, but annoying kid dies. Luckily, among Elektra’s never-explained powers is ability to raise dead people.  Wha-wha-what?!  But dat make absolutely no sense!

Shaddap.  You want movie dat make more sense, go rent Lost Highway.

Dis movie left monster wit a few questions.  Like who De Hand?  What Elektra’s connection to dem?  What’s Elektra’s master’s connection to dem?  Why De Hand killed Elektra’s mother?  What happened to her father?  Why she sometime have ability to see de future?  Why she sometime have de ability to see other places?  Why she only remember dat head assassin responsible for her mom’s death in de final seconds of battle wit him?  What really happened to little girl’s mother?  Why Elektra hired to kill father?  If was a test, what was de test?  Why me forced to watch such crappy movies?  Oh, did monster say me have A FEW questions?  Me mean A LOT!

Verdikt: Guilty of assault – on good taste.  And monster’s brain.

Rating: 1 chocolate chippee cookie.

Tagged: comic book, comic book movies, Comics, Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster reviews Elektra, Elektra, est, superhero movies, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club

October 7, 2012: The kids

I was awakened at about 4:00 a.m. by what sounded like a cat in heat, a low, sustained moan that that trailed off and rose up, trailed off and rose up.  Eeeewoooooooaaaaahrreeeeooooooaaaaaaa!  ”Damn,” I thought, “it’s like that cat is sitting right outside my bedroom window.” And then I realized that the window was to my left while the caterwaul was to my right.  And very close.  I glanced over at Jelly who was sitting up on her pillow, staring back at me.  On cue, her tummy did a dead-on imitation of a cat in heat: Eeeewooooooaaaaaahrreeeeeeoooooooaaaaaaa!  And then she threw me the look.  You know what I’m talking about:

THE LOOK!

The look that says: “Look out!  I’ma gonna blow!”

I scrambled out of bed, threw on a t-shirt, a pair of jeans, scooped her up, and took her out to the backyard.  In the nick of time.

Jelly and I went back inside.  I propped her back up on the pillow, then crawled back into bed. I had just settled in comfortably when – scrtchscrtchscrtch.  Shakeshakeshake.  Scrtchscrtchscrtch. Shakeshakeshake.  Then, merciful silence.  For about a minute, at which point said silence was broken by: scrtchscrtchscrtch. Shakeshakeshake.  I looked down at Lulu, sitting up at the foot of the bed, head cocked as if deep in thought.  Beat.  Then, she scratched her right ear.  Scrtchscrtchscrtch.  And followed it up with her patented head shakeshakeshake.  Infection or just itchy?  A good dog dad doesn’t take any chances.

I sighed, crawled out of bed, found Lulu’s medication in the bathroom, returned to the room and cleaned her ears.

Ah. MUCH better.

I put the medication away, stepped back into the bedroom, and tried to crawl back into bed – only to discover Bubba had taken my spot. “Bubba,”I whispered reproachfully, not wanting to awaken Akemi.  No response.  He lay, sprawled out on my pillow, seemingly fast asleep. “Bubba.”  A little louder this time.  Still no response.  ”Bubba!”  He twitched.  And then I realized – he was just pretending to be asleep! “Okay, I’m coming to bed,”I informed him.  The tone of my voice no doubt let him know I wasn’t in the mood to play around.  With a sniff, he crawled off my pillow and slunk down to the foot of the bed where he loosened a huff ‘n snarfle, then curled up and dozed off.

Oh. This is YOUR spot?

Once I was back in bed, I checked the clock.  It was a little after 5:00 a.m.  I pulled the covers up and pulled my second pillow over my head. I was just about to drift off when -

Eeeewooooooaaaaaahrreeeeeeoooooooaaaaaaa!

October 6, 2012: Holiday non-traditions!

Look at what I came across while cleaning out the crawlspace – a clear indication that I was destined for creative genius at a very early age. Note the artful composition, the refusal to be bound by traditional framing, the boldness of the color palette, and unique use of what appears to be actual gift wrapping to represent the gifts.  Santa’s smirk, the one-eyed snowman, the outrageous placement of the mistletoe underneath the hanging sock.   If someone had told you Quentin Tarantino made this in his kindergarten arts and crafts session, you’d believe them.

This audacious creation will serve as an inspiration to me moving forward.  Every time I hid a road block in a script, find myself bereft of clever ideas, I need only (go to the garage and) look at this provocative masterpiece and remember what it was like to be an aesthetic rebel, an imaginaut.  From this day forth, I will aspire to the scriptic equivalent of this chef d’oeuvre.

As it so happened, I took a little trip down memory lane last night when I was out for drinks with my buddy, Ivon.  We ended up at Portland Craft on Main street where I enjoyed one of the unmanliest beers ever created, a pumpkin ale, second only to the other beer I enjoyed, an apricot wheat ale.  At one point, the conversation turned to the holidays and enormous family get-togethers.  When I was a kid, Christmas dinners sat anywhere from fourteen to seventeen and included roasts, seafood, pasta, pizza, and all sorts of desserts.  We’d feast, play tomobola (Italian bingo), and then dispense with Western tradition by not waiting until morning to open our presents.   We would also celebrate Thanksgiving in atypical fashion by NOT having turkey (chicken was a comparatively juicier and tastier bird).  To this day, even though the gatherings may be smaller, we still cling to these cherished non-traditions.

So, with Canadian Thanksgiving upon us (Yes, Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving in October.  We also celebrate Christmas in February and National Gelding Day March 13th), I was curious about some of the unique customs your family follows during the holidays.

Jelly (I’m sure would) like to thank everyone for the well-wishes as she recovers from her recent stem cell boost treatment.  Today, she was back to her usual, feisty, energetic-albeit-wobbly self.

October 5, 2012: Akemi Podcast #2 – Adam and Eve! Jelly on the mend! Bad Movie Night!

In which I (admittedly way over my head on the subject being discussed) attempt to explain to Akemi why humanity must toil as a result of original sin:

Download: podcast-adam-and-eve.m4a

Sad (and a little confused) Usagi.

Jelly went in for a stem cell boost the other day and is now at home and on the mend.  Will be interesting to see what kind of results we get on this second go-round.

Finally, just wanted to respond to blog regular, Maggiemayday, who tells us she used to attend a Bad Movie Night.  Well, it just so happens that I did too, back in the day, when Paul and I had absolutely nothing better to do with our Saturday nights.  Whew!  We sat through some truly execrable dreck including Showgirls, Barb Wire, Boxing Helena, Color of Night and the movie that retired the weekly theme night because we couldn’t imagine topping it with a worse contender: Battlefield Earth.

October 4, 2012: And a few recent big screen disappointments!

In yesterday’s blog entry, I ran down a list of movies so bad, they actually hurt.  They hurt because, at the time I paid the ticket price to sit in a theater and watch them, I was far less jaded and a long way from the embittered, hyper-critical viewer I am today.  The five movies I listed were special because each, in its own way, contributed to forever ruining the movie-going experience for me.  As a result, nowadays, whenever I take in a movie, I go in with tempered expectations.  But still, there are times when I can’t help myself, when I’ll see a movie and think “Hey, this looks pretty good!”, even (shockingly!) look forward to a movie with a certain amount of excitement.  Most of the time, I come away disappointed.  Some of the time, however, I come away with a range of negative emotions: anger, frustration, irritation, and the occasional depression.  You would think I’d learned my lesson by now.

SUCKER PUNCH

The trailer is amazing.  Girls!  Guns!  Spectacular visual effects!  And Zack Snyder at the helm!  All undone by a tiresome, meandering story and an ending clearly inspired by another big screen disappointment, Brazil (file that one under “Movies I Hated That Everyone Else Loved”). I really, REALLY wanted to like this movie but, ultimately, came away disappointed and even a little sad.    What could have been…

MEET THE FOCKERS

I don’t get it.  Same director.  Same writers.  Same cast.  The sequel should have been as good (or close to as good) as the original, Meet the Parents, a film that stands as one of my favorite comedies (somewhere between the brilliant Trains, Planes and Automobiles and the movie I’ll reference in the next paragraph).  It was, instead, a stupid and tired retread of the endless stupid and tired American Pie movies.

 THE HANGOVER II

I wasn’t the only one to declare this sequel to the 2009 box-office smash an uninspired dud, but I was surprised by the fact that much of the criticism leveled against this movie  focused on its repetitive nature.  It was, many felt, more or less the same movie as the original. I would emphatically disagree.  The first movie was actually funny whereas this movie was surprisingly laugh-free.  And I hear they’re making another one.  Given the law of diminishing returns, I fear that watching the third installment may cause irreperable brain damage.

SPIDERMAN 2

Perhaps more maddening than the movie itself were the critics who proclaimed this sequel superior to the original.  Uh, no.  I leave the details to our guest film reviewer, Cookie Monster (Spiderman 2) but suffice it to say this movie was nowhere near as good as the first Spiderman movie.  While X-Men 2 improved on its very good predecessor, Spiderman 2 followed up the webslinger’s first big screen foray with a cheesy, silly, at times frustratingly ridiculous outing.

ASSAULT GIRLS

What do you mean YOU’RE not surprised.  Look at the trailer:

Sadly, it made absolutely NO SENSE.

What do you mean YOU’RE not surprised?!

October 3, 2012: Movies so disappointing they hurt!

And the reason they hurt so much was because, at the time, I was a young, innocent lover of film, naive to the ways of Hollywood with its slapdash sequels, soulless reboots, and godawful adaptations.  These were movies a fresh, ingenuous Joe looked forward to, counting down the days to their release. I expected great things.  I got:

HOWARD THE DUCK

I mean, come on!  One of my favorite comic book characters brought to the big screen by the creator of Star Wars.  Star Wars!  How could it possibly fail?!  I recall trying to convince a dubious friend that a movie about a talking duck could, nay, WOULD actually be good.  Oh, how wrong I was.  The scene where Howard rocks out on stage with Lea Thompson still haunts my dreams.  Yes, it was directed by George Lucas, the man behind Star Wars.  Also, the man behind…

RETURN OF THE JEDI

This third installment in the original Star Wars trilogy was the equivalent of meeting a beautiful girl and having her invite you back to her place where you enjoy a few drinks, partake in a little romance – halfway through which her partners in crime kick in the door, beat the shit out of you, and steal your wallet.  In the case of Return of the Jedi, that wallet held about five bucks – and my wide-eyed faith in my big screen heroes.  What was so maddening was the bait and switch, how the movie suckered you in with a cool first half and then suddenly, inexplicably, horrifyingly, morphed into The Intergalactic Teddy Bear Picnic Movie.  I still haven’t forgiven George Lucas.

BATMAN (1989)

In retrospect, it’s not a terrible movie and certainly blazed a trail for future great superhero movies to follow but, for a kid who grew up reading Detective Comics and the work of Frank Miller, it was nothing less than an astounding disappointment.  Michael Keaton was a milquetoast Bruce Wayne and a stiff and emotionally unengaging Batman.  Worse, he’s completely unheroic during the anticlimactic battle with the Joker, simply beating the crap out of the overmatched lunatic.  And speaking of the Joker – I still cringe whenever I envision the hitherto terrifying Clown Prince of Crime prancing around to Prince.

INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM

Oh, you enjoyed the action and high-flying adventure of the first Indiana Jones movie?  Great.  Have some more.  And more!  AND MORE!  Try not to choke on the never-ending barrage of frenzied action scenes that follow one after another after another until, by the time those final credits roll, you’ve become so desensitized to the spectacle of it all that you swear off Indiana Jones forever.

JURASSIC PARK: THE LOST WORLD

This was the movie that pulled back the veil, stripping away the filmic fun and fancy trappings to reveal the Spiebergian formula in its basest form: Over-the-top adventure + precocious kids = Not much in the way of suspense or a satisfying movie, but box office gold.  In one of the most contrived moments in movie history, one of the kids, who happens to be a gymnast who happens to be trapped in a room with some high parallel bars just happens to save herself by executing a flawless gymnastic routine.  What are the chances?  In a Spielberg movie, I eventually realized, pretty good.

So, let’s hear ‘em.  What were your most painful filmic disappointments?

October 2, 2012: Safe, all-natural dog treats! I checked! Almost smoooooooth sailing! No, really! The Frozen Sky!

A recent investigative report on suspect dog treats from China led me to do a little research on the treats I feed Jelly, Bubba, and Lulu.  After all, just because it says “all natural” and “made in the U.S.” or “made in Canada” on the label doesn’t mean some of the ingredients don’t originate in China.  And so, this weekend, I fired off some emails.  And, today, I heard back.

FRUITABLES

The company offers several products but the one I usually pick up for my dogs is the Pumpkin & Banana flavored dog treats.  Why? Because I like pumpkin AND banana – and the treats smell like freshly baked pumpkin and banana!  Also, Jelly, Bubba, and Lulu really enjoy them.  So, will I keep feeding them to my dogs?

YES!   The packaging states they’re “100% Natural” (Ingredients: Pumpkin, Organic Oatmeal, Pearled Batrley, Potatoes, Oat Fiber, Canola Oil, Brown Sugar, Bananas, Cinnamon, Natural Flavor, Vanilla, Mixed Tocopherols [a natural preservative]).  And, according to the response I received from a company representative:

“Good Morning and thanks for writing regarding the origination of our treats, we appreciate your concern for your pet’s health.  Fruitables treats are manufactured in the U.S.A. from ingredients sourced in the US and Canada only.  We work closely with our suppliers to ensure that each ingredient is to our specification for each production run.“

Well, that puts my mind at ease.

Fruitables Pet Food – Official Site

BUDDY BISCUITS

The company, Cloud Star, offers a variety of treats, but the ones I usually get for my dogs are the Peanut Butter flavored biscuits.  Why? Because I love peanut butter.  Also, the treats are in the shape of cute little gingerbread men.  And, Jelly, Bubba, and Lulu really enjoy them. So, will I keep feeding them to my dogs?

YES! The package says they’re “All Natural” (Ingredients: Whole wheat flour, Peanut butter, Expeller pressed canola oil, Mixed tocopherols [a natural preservative]).  And this was the response I received from a company representative:

“Good Morning Joseph & furry friends,

 First and foremost thank you for your loyalty to our Buddy Biscuits. All our treats are manufactured and sourced in the United States.  All our ingredients are sourced in the USAJ

Thank you for asking these questions, you can never be too careful or ask too many questions when it comes to your dog’s health today!“

I checked out the Cloud Star website and discovered they offer a variety of treats, both crunch and chewy, and even offer Gingerbread flavored Buddy Biscuits (Wheat flour, Rolled oats, Blackstrap molasses, Natural gingerbread flavor, Expeller pressed canola oil, Mixed tocopherols [a natural preservative]) for the holidays!

CloudStar.com – WAG MORE BARK LESS

Huzzah!  I just completed the fifth act of the outline Paul and I are working on (for that script we’ll eventually write and which, someday, somebody may actually be read by someone who may be interested in making it a television series.  A boy can wish.).  Tomorrow, I finish up the tag and then it’ll be smooooooooooth sailing.

Hey, just hard that my buddy, author Jeff Carlson, has a new novel out, The Frozen Sky:

“I’m hooked.” —Larry Niven

“A first-rate adventure.” —Allen Steele

BENEATH THE ICE

Something is alive inside Jupiter’s ice moon Europa.

Robot probes find an ancient tunnel beneath the

surface, its walls carved with strange hieroglyphics.

Led by elite engineer Alexis Vonderach, a team of

scientists descends into the dark… where they

confront a savage race older than mankind…
FIRST CONTACT



Based on the award-winning short story,

The Frozen Sky is a new full-length sci fi thriller from

the international bestselling author of Plague Year.

Check out Jeff’s recent guest post at SF Signal: http://www.sfsignal.com/archives/2012/09/goest-post-the-last-of-the-mohicans-jeff-carlson-on-aliens-spaceships-and-the-frozen-sky

Or, even better, check out The Frozen Sky:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Frozen-Sky-Novel-ebook/dp/B009GLM5LG/

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-frozen-sky-jeff-carlson/1113016229

Which reminds me – I’m long overdue for a Recent Best Reads entry. I’ve got a bunch of great books to recommend, maybe later in the week.

Tagged: Buddy Biscuits, Cloud Star, dog treats, Dogs, Fruitables, Jeff Carlson, safe dog treats, The Frozen Sky

October 1, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Incredibles!

Me know, me know.  You expecting monster to say dis movie be SUPER.  Or mebbe INCREDIBLE!  But me not so obvious.  No, monster more unprediktable den Lindsay Lohan at one of Oscar de Grouch’s Hobo Hoedowns.  What me WILL say is dat monster pleasantly surprized by how much me enjoy dis movie considering it be written by Big Bird’s cuzin, Brad.  After all, creative writing not exaktly run in de family, someting you would know if you happened to read Big Bird’s poetry collection, Remembrance of Things Passed (in which he reflekt in rhyme on stuff he ate de previous day).

Movie begin wit our hero, Mr. Incredible, as he try to fight crime while trying to shake pesky sidekick who want to hang wit him.  Remind monster of Elmo dat time we go on fake bachelor party for Grover who pretend his bride run off wit best man so he can get sympathy lap dances.  Remember dat night?  We had to check Elmo at door of strip club and, later, when go to pick him up, turn out someone already claim him and we left wit some guy’s fluffy crimson foulard instead?  Good times, good times.

Anyway, Mr. Incredible lose de sidekick – but also lose his job becuz he cause too much collateral damage.  And so, he enter superhero relocation program…

Years later, we find Mr. Incredible and he now settled down, married Elastagirl and have tree kids: Dash, Violet, and Jak-Jak.  He spend days at insurance company, working for crabby boss.  BUT at night, he get together wit best friend, Frozone, and fight crime – even tho he not supposed.  (Shhhh.  Pleaze don’t tell.).

The Incredibles be a great family film dat offer terrific life lesson for kids like importance of family values, honesty is best policy, and sometime it okay to be de shit out of your boss if he be a complete asshole.  Which Mr. Incredible do – and get fired.  :(

He so ashamed he not tell wife.  Instead, he take job fighting robot on remote island.  However, it turn out remote island robot fighting job be not quite what it appear (Always de case.  Monster learn dis de hard way last summer).  Mr. Incredible captured on island by inventor of robot, supervillain Syndrome who turn out to be…annoying sidekick from earlier in movie!  Dis be another important lesson: Always be nice to weaker people becuz, someday, dey could be supervillains…or in charge of cleaning out your bed pans after horrific clown car crash.

Fortunately, Elastagirl not very trusting of husband and track down his whereabouts.  Wit help of Dash and Violet, she crash island.  Fantastic action sekwences ensue!

Turn out Syndrome have master plan to unleash super robot on city, den sweep in and save de dey.  But he only half successful.  Unleashing go okay but sweeping in and saving part need a lot of work.

Luckily, Mr. Incredible and family, wit help of Frozone, chip in and save de day, destroy robot, defeat Syndrome, and save baby Jak-Jak.

Lots to like about dis movie.  It fast paced, fun, very funny, and clever. It poke fun at superheroes by celebrating de genre instead of belittling it.  Aktion sekwences are eye-popping and very entertaining.  And, most importantly at end of day, dis movie have a lot of heart.

And esophagus, liver, and even some spleen.

Verdikt: Dis movie be fantabulous!

Rating: 9.5 chocolate chippee cookies!

Tagged: Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster film reviews, Cookie Monster movie reviews, Cookie Monster reviews The Incredibles, film and television, movie reviews, superhero movie reviews, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club, The Incredibles