Elise Stephens's Blog, page 2

The Gardener’s Way

I never used to think of myself as a gardener. There’s a patience and a faithfulness that it calls for. And I didn’t possess a lot of patience for most of my life. Until my firstborn came along and then…I just had to learn it. 

Gardening requires a good deal of foresight and hopefulness. You weed and prune and look forward to that gorgeous season where all that trimming and clearing and cutting yields something far more beautiful than if you had just let everything grow and ramble all over.

When we bought our current house, my husband and I didn’t quite realize the amount of work our garden would demand from us. I learned how to prune roses and how not to prune a host of other shrubs. Yes, that wisdom was won the hard way when I saw those poor little bushes struggling to grow back the next year.

I learned to replace unwanted plants or weeds with something that I wanted to grow in its place. Or to, at least, lay down beauty bark to slow the weeds.

I realized that the care and keeping of this garden was too much for me and my husband to handle on our own—so I learned to ask for help with it as springtime arrived and all the weeds went gangbusters trying to catch the new sunlight.

When COVID forced us to be homebound, I fell in love with my garden in a new way. We bought outdoor furniture and a rug to spread beneath it, strung some lights through the trees, and built a haven on our patio. 

This was when I began to see the space with fresh eyes. 

Gardening taught me that being surrounded by vivid foliage has a nurturing effect on body and soul—that everyone needs to be surrounded by beauty.

It taught me that we often have to prune (literally and metaphorically) if we don’t want the whole organism to sicken.

It taught me to find joy and freedom in seeking help with tasks that are more than I can handle on my own.

It taught me that a spacious garden and its produce are meant to be shared and that the joy I experienced from within its verdant shadows was a gift that I could share with others.

I threw my first garden party a couple of summers ago.

Gardening—especially the endless task of weeding—still rouses feelings of pointlessness in me, because I know the bushes are going to grow puffier and the dandelions are going to pop up again and, yet, now that I’ve finally had the chance to sit for a while, enclosed in a little bower of clematis and honeysuckle, I can see a few of the things my garden had to teach me. Not just about stalk and stem, root and thorn–but about how to care for myself and my community. Now, I feel differently.

I guess you could say the garden and I have made our peace with each other.

So yes, I’m a gardener, if sometimes reluctant to admit it. And I will beam with joy if you ask me to show you my garden.

Nebulas!

I can’t state enough how much I love in-person conferences and the huge dose of energy infusions that I get from attending them. My most recent adventure was the Nebulas Conference in Anaheim, CA.

Now that I’m easing into the process of volunteering for conference programming, it’s a good feeling to get to take part in discussions that both help me and the other people on the panel, but also help those who are listening to us out in the audience. I got to participate in a panel called Increasing Your Productivity Without Sacrificing Your Well-Being and there was this beautiful moment in which we each shared the why behind what made this such an important priority for us. Two of us were parents to young children. One of us had a brain injury that only allowed that author to work for two hours a day.

Me and Beth

The photo above is me and Beth. We’ve both got littles at home and it requires a big adjustment to how we get our writing done!

I shared how I felt bound to the idea that any method that promised maximum efficiency (the least amount of time spent on the production of the desired result) the better. But I’ve begun to realize that the pleasure I take in certain creative processes or the particular way that I love to put words on the page (longhand writing!) will make a difference in the long run. If I love my processes, I shouldn’t always alter them or force them into a different box, all in the name of efficiency. 

I really believe that happy people make better art, and if that means taking a break from your work to do the things that make your heart shine, it means you’re making better stories, even if that means you got a smaller word count at the end of the week. This ties back into taking care of our mental health, which often means slowing down and setting boundaries that may make us feel less productive. Because that overall big picture actually really matters in the end.

I was surprised by the number of people who sought me out to say that they’d enjoyed that particular panel. 

Another huge highlight of the Nebulas was the people I got to see. I met Peter Behravesh several years ago at my very first professional con and was immediately touched by how kind and welcoming he was to me. We got to have lunch and catch up on life.

Lunch with Peter!

I volunteered to be a VIP liaison for the Nebulas award ceremony, which was a fabulous experience. I helped answer questions and be the point person for this year’s lovely and talented toastmaster, Cheryl Platz. This also meant I got to be present at tech rehearsals and help make sure things flowed smoothly backstage.

Me and some of the Nebulas ceremony team!

Which meant, to my utter delight and surprise, that during the award ceremony itself, I got to wear a headset and direct traffic backstage on stage right! I realize that not everyone freaks out and gets excited about this kind of “being in charge” stuff, but this was totally my jam. 

This is my “I’m being serious and hardcore” face.

I also had the joy of seeing Tim Powers, a friend and mentor who I’ve known since 2019 when we met during my week in Los Angeles for Writers of the Future. 

Me and Tim

Tim introduced me to a few of his friends, who in turn welcomed me into their circle. Some of them turned out to be Nebulas finalists. (Breathe in slowly, breathe out slowly, Elise)

And you know what I’m learning, as I make introductions and share drinks and talk shop with all of these people – many of whom are a very big deal in my SFF world – it’s best to treat people with kindness, respect, and warmth, regardless of how famous or not famous they are. Let them be people. Aspiring authors shouldn’t just run up to an agent they recognize and start pitching their novel at them. At least, I wouldn’t recommend it. Because we’re all people, and we like to be treated as such. Not as if we are the gatekeepers to a goal, a means to an end.

Me and Rob

This particular idea of “how do I network at big events” or “how do I market myself” has been one that’s bugged me for years. I think I had to try following all of the marketing advice that I was given at the time, then learn how crummy and hollow much of it made me feel, before I was able to reconcile the kind of person I wanted to be online and at events.

I want to be the person who welcomes the newcomer into the circle, who seeks ways to help if it’s something I know about, who listens rather than accuses or argues, who sees writing as a career pursued alongside other people who love doing the same things as me—not as a competition.

I’m feeling grateful and full-hearted as I look back on this con! A big shout out to Kate, Colin, Marshall, Beth, and other SFWA folks who made it such a good and rich time! 

Oh, and thank you to the wonderful man who made me feel like a million bucks by tossing a red silk rose at me (stolen from a centerpiece) while I was singing “I Will Always Love You” at the karaoke party. That was awesome.

Dinner with friends!Tiki bar outing!Me and MarshallI’m a dork around big fancy trophiesRed carpet photo shoot!Group photos are the best

If you want to learn more about the Nebula Awards, you can check out their website here: The Nebula Awards.

Costa Rica! Together!

Some of you know that my family (my husband and my two kiddos and me + my brother and his wife + my sister and her husband + my parents = 10 of us!) traveled together to Costa Rica at the beginning of 2023.

It was a beautiful adventure. We got to swim on gorgeous beaches, watch incredible jungle life (monkeys! iguanas! parrots!), hike, zipline, explore, feast on fresh fruit and delicious meats (yes we got food poisoning too but that’s par for the course!) … but more than all of that, we got to experience it together.

Family and community both mean more to me these days.

Now that my children are above the age of five, I don’t immediately break out into hives at the thought of traveling with them. We’ve done it before when they were quite young, and those experiences were wonderful/exhausting/amazing, but not ones that I’d rush to repeat. Traveling with kids is just…incredibly complicated. And keeping the little ones entertained and safe during a vacation demands a different amount of energy.

The previous statement is not designed to discourage people from having kids or from traveling with them!

Though of course, you’re free to make whatever deductions you choose. I highly endorse traveling with another set of hands to help with the kids or visiting people who have kids to play with, or (as was the case with this vacation) bringing the grandparents and the aunties and uncles along!

For this blog post, I mainly wanted to post a bunch of photos from this amazing trip. Because getting to take a trip like this all together is only going to happen a handful of times in a lifetime, and that’s if we’re lucky.

To my dear Rica Family in Costa Saba (this title is a bit of an inside joke): I love you all so much.

As they say in the beautiful country of Costa Rica: Pura Vida!

We had to back home, but we get to keep the memories forever…

Finding My Agent: A True Story

I’ve wanted/dreamed/struggled for years to find a literary agent.

I remember sitting in a quiet corner of the Northgate branch of the Seattle Public Library, hunched over a table with The Sell Your Novel Tool Kit (Elizabeth Lyon) lying open beside me as I tried to painstakingly write out a query letter.

Every sentence was agony. It was like learning a new language in which I had no confidence or proficiency.

After flailing around for some time in the query process for my first novel, I reached out to an author friend to ask if he could look over my query letter because it didn’t seem to be grabbing anyone’s attention. He introduced me instead to the small publisher that would go on to publish my first three books. Not a bad outcome, I’d say!

Signing the contract for my first book

After my experience with small press publishing, through which I learned loads about finishing and revising a manuscript, building an author platform, social media, blogging, marketing, and maintaining a website, I decided I wanted to aim for traditional publishing to get more help and support with platform, marketing, and distribution.

Entering and eventually winning the Writers of the Future contest was a pivotal milestone for me because I made new friendships and learned things through that one week in Los Angeles that would have a massive impact on my career for the years that followed.

Me and my pretty WOTF trophy

I attended my first big con in 2019 (World Fantasy Con) in Los Angeles and my friend Tim Powers led me around and introduced me to industry professionals. For this kindness, and for all the encouragement he’s given me, I shall be forever grateful to Tim. He has read a lot of my novel Stand in the Stillness, advised me on writing good titles, sent me reading recommendations, and encouraged me in my faith. Can’t say enough good things about this man! (Also, if you want to read something really fun and exciting that deals with cards and the magic behind gambling in Las Vegas, I highly recommend his book Last Call!)

Tim Powers and meAt my first World Fantasy Con with new friends

A few months later, I attended the SuperStars Writing Seminar in early 2020, just before the world shut down for the COVID-19 pandemic. By this point, I was starting to realize how much I needed to get to know the SFF community and, eventually, learn how to approach and pitch to agents and editors in person.

Writer friends from the SuperStars community. We call ourselves the One Ring

The idea of pitching makes me get hot/cold all over and want to throw up. I’m not kidding.

Marketing has always been hard for me, in part because I’ve often felt that in order to “sell” myself as an exciting product, I have to present a disingenuous version of Elise, whereas being authentic is something that I take very seriously.

I began to diligently prepare a manuscript. I spent months and hours and *so much* brainpower writing a novel set in the world of “Untrained Luck,” the SF story that won first place in Writers of the Future.

WOTF Volume 35

“Untrained Luck” features a tough but compassionate conflict mediator and the orphaned child who she takes under her wing. A lot of people really liked that short story. Logic implied that a lot of people would also like the novel, which I named Stand in the Stillness.

It was and *is* a good book.

But, after querying over 70 agents on this project (and receiving mild but not overwhelming interest), I had to face the sobering reality that this project would have to be shelved. That doesn’t mean that it will never see publication. I dearly hope it will. But that book wasn’t going to be my ticket into the agented publishing world.

That was a dark season for me.

I knew that publishing had no guarantees or fixed timelines. You’ll hear me loudly lament that exact thing if you watch The Road to Publication, a recent panel of authors chatting, griping, and laughing about their journeys toward publication.

I even wrote a series of reflections about waiting in the dark and not knowing when the light would come again. I read them in front of my church congregation. The words resonated with many who heard them, and I was grateful for that.

But yeah, if it’s not already obvious, I was pretty depressed at the time.

So I began writing my next book. I shared portions of it with my beloved critique group, the Tentacles, as we named ourselves, who I’d met originally through Writers of the Future.

The Tentacles gathered all in one place!

These friends had good, empowering things to say about this next book. Many of them assured me that it would be much easier to sell than Stand in the Stillness.

I called that novel The Counter-Ward.

I wrote and sold four stories from The Counter-Ward’s universe. (You can read “Focal Point” online for free from Haven Spec. The other short stories are available in print collections that can be found here.)

The success of those short stories suggested that this concept of emotion-infused paint was exciting to the SFF world, but it was hard for me to believe what my excited friends and readers were telling me. Sure, I’d also been able to get published in professional markets like Analog and Escape Pod, which meant I was a decent writer, but it was nevertheless hard to stay positive in the sea of “No thank yous” or, even worse, the nebulous silence that I usually heard back from agents.

I’d poured my heart into the creation and querying of Stand in the Stillness and it hadn’t captured the heart of anyone I’d sent it to. It was hard to forget that.

I continued making my way to conferences. In September 2022, several members of the Tentacles and the One Ring group made it out to Chicago for WorldCon.

Dinner with friends!My first reading!Exploring Chicago

A few of us stayed together in an AirBNB for the long weekend and it was an absolutely wonderful time. We made some incredible memories and I continued to meet lovely people and make new friends.

Worldcon crew!

So, a few months later, when the opportunity came for me to pitch The Counter-Ward at a conference, I didn’t have the same high hopes I’d fostered with the first novel. I was still nursing some scars, feeling more than a little cautious, and definitely skeptical.

Determined to keep things as warm and real as possible, I introduced myself to the agent, Vaughne Hansen, with whom I had a pitch appointment. I did it just to put a face to my name, and remember that we’re all people here, no matter how anxious I was feeling on the inside.

I had already spent some time over the new year considering that I am a kind, empathetic and expressive person. If that’s not enough, I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not. It feels too hollow and weird. I’ll just be myself.

These lovely ladies were my roomies on the weekend that I pitched The Counter-Ward

So, the time is ticking down before my pitch session, and my emotions are fairly even-keeled until only a few minutes remain between me and my pitch session.

That was when my angst decided to come roaring up to the surface.

I texted some friends, sat down on a couch in the hotel lobby, and burst into tears. Two friends arrived within seconds with hugs and hand squeezes. I blurted about how frustrated and angry and overwhelmed and helpless I’ve felt since first entering the query trenches. (Yes, that’s what writers call it).

And they helped to carry me through.

Dinner with friends to celebrate a birthday

There was no way past that pain and fear except to go through it.

So, I wiped my eyes and, at their urging, pitched the novel one more time, to these friends. I kept it short and sweet, as one of them had advised me to do. They assured me the concept was good. I could have kissed them both.

Then I walked to my pitch appointment and stood in power poses—taking up as much space as possible by standing like a starfish with my arms and legs spread to generate the feeling of being big and worthy of taking up space in a room.

And then Vaughne Hansen arrived and I sat down at the table and told her about my novel. She asked me to send her the first three chapters. I reached for a pen to write down her instructions, discovered that the one I had chosen wasn’t working, then dumped my entire purse on the floor while looking for a second pen.

Classy. I know.

When Vaughne asked me for my writing credits, I told her about my publications, my Writers of the Future win, and reaching finalist status for the Baen Fantasy Adventure Award. She gave me an amused look that said, “Dear, you should have led with those credentials.”

We chatted a little more, exchanging small talk about where Vaughne lived and how she’d been connected to the conference, and then I scooped up my exploded purse and scurried away.

This is what I was telling myself, “Well, okay, she asked for the first three chapters. But she probably asks that of everyone who pitches her an idea that sounds reasonably interesting and fits the genres that she represents.”

I was relieved the pitch session was over, but I wasn’t reeling with optimism. As I told my friend Toby a little later, “This isn’t my first rodeo.”

Lunch with Toby and new friends!

After returning home to Seattle, I readied my query package and sent the materials to Vaughne. I didn’t expect to hear back for a long while. It’s sad to say, but I’d grown used to feeling used to being “ignored” or at least to waiting months to hear back from an agent (and often when I do finally get a response it’s either, “Thanks, but this isn’t for me” or just ear-ringing silence.)

A couple of weeks after I sent my query package, I get an email from Vaughne, telling me that she’s finally worked through her backlog of client tasks and will be reading my sample chapters soon. Then, later that same day, she tells me she’s read the chapters, thoroughly enjoyed them, and wants to see the full manuscript.

This was when Ireally started to freak out. I wasn’t accustomed at all to treatment like this.I was hearing back from an agent within the *same* day that she’d read my chapters?My writing sample was actually compelling?!

At the time, a nasty stomach bug was going through the house. And I wasn’t ready to send that manuscript right away. So I asked for two weeks and worked like a maniac. And then, feeling exhausted and worn out, I sent it.

Me after I sent in the full manuscript

Three days later—I kid you not—Vaughne had read the entirenovel, thoroughly enjoyed it, and written me to offer representation.

For the second time in this particular querying process, Iburst into tears. I had waited and fought and worried for so long over thisprocess, and now it came to me faster than I could have dreamed.

Vaughne sent me a client contract to review and modify, then we chatted on the phone for almost two and a half hours.

Pic taken minutes before my call with VaughneJoey: a dear friend who lets our kids play together while I write

And two weeks later, I signed with Vaughne.

I’m now officially represented by the Virginia Kidd Agency, which has represented authors such as Alan Dean Foster, Gene Wolfe, and Anne McCaffrey.

Signing my agent/client contract!

There aren’t enough words or emojis to describe how joyful this news makes me! What I can say, is thank you to Jesus, for guiding me on this path and providing what I need, even if it’s not on the timeline I would have chosen. Thank you to my husband, my parents and in-laws, and my kids for supporting me so generously as I pursue writing and publishing.

My incredibly supportive parents

To my critique groups, my writing community, my friends, and my fans, for cheering for me, helping me out on Patreon, reading my drafts, helping babysit my kids, chatting with me on the phone when I’m terrified or in a slump, and giving me more hugs and kind words and encouragement than I know what to do with.

These cool friends came out for drinks to celebrate my agent news!Celebrating with the fam!

I’m finally here. And there’s much more to come, much more to do! I know that finding an agent is by no means “the end” but it’s a pretty dang awesome milestone.

What are the next steps? Vaughne and I need to get the novel ready for submission and then decide to which publishers we will first send the manuscript. After that, there is more waiting (of course!).

But, you guys, I’m not doing this alone anymore! I have a professional advocate in my corner now, and that is a blessing and a boon that I don’t take lightly. It’s something with the power to bring me to grateful tears.

I’ll keep you posted on future developments.

In the meantime, thank you for reading!

Xo

Elise

The Road to Publication (is a very long one!)

I had the opportunity to join several other authors online to speak candidly about our varied roads to publication and the surprises and lessons we’ve learned thus far. This is a lovely bunch of people and we had a great time together!

The first ten minutes of the video were accidentally lost during the recording process and, lo-and-behold, as the salvaged recording starts I’m finishing up giving my own introduction!

If you’re an aspiring author or just someone curious about what some authors have experienced in pursuing the goal of publication, I hope this can offer you encouragement!

(depending on your screen, you might need to scroll down before you see the embedded video!)

Click here to watch the Road to Publication on YouTube.

Interspecies Communication – New Short Story!

Hello all!

In case you missed my announcements on social media, here is a link to my newest story, “Common Speech,” which was released earlier this month on the beautiful and evocative Escape Pod podcast. The narrator, Ibba Armancas, gave a phenomenal and heartfelt performance. I’m so impressed by and grateful for the emotional nuance she delivered to the storytelling!

The image on this post is a little collage that I designed when I was announcing the story’s acceptance.

Without further ado, here’s a link (below) to Escape Pod’s website where you can listen to the podcast (or read the story online!) for free. You can also listen to it through Spotify or whatever podcast app you prefer!

Click here to listen to “Common Speech” on EscapePod.org

Click here to listen to “Common Speech” on Spotify.

I’d love to hear what you thought!

Love,

Elise

A Rough Start

Hi friends!

It’s been a while since I’ve checked in, and I want to explain part of that.

The beginning of school was a *really* rough start for me and the kids this year. It’s my fourth year of homeschooling, so I’d like to think that I have at least some of it figured out by now.

My daughter entered kindergarten this year, which meant I was teaching two students instead of one, but kindergarten isn’t a huge challenge to teach–especially for my bright little pumpkin (yes, she was a pumpkin for Halloween) who already reads simple sentences and shows a bright eagerness for pretty much all forms of learning.

Playing “Store” to practice learning monetary amounts

The difficulty lay with my eldest, who’s entered third grade. His curriculum this year took a major jump in workload, especially the reading portion of it. I realized immediately that we weren’t going to be able to keep up without everyone’s brains frying out and at least Mama having regular emotional breakdowns. I started cutting back, but it still wasn’t enough.

I seriously felt like I was drowning.

Thoroughly exhausted when we finally finished at 3:30pm, I’d then collapse for a short nap, only to drag myself up afterward and start figuring out how to tidy the house, which was a disaster, and then onward to making dinner.

Puddle hunters!

One of the really bad signs: I had zero desire to go out and do anything fun in the evening. Not even hang out with friends for a drink and conversation, which is usually a huge joy for me. I was just. Too. Tired.

I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t find the solution. The signs of depression were all surfacing, but I hadn’t changed any of my vitamins, antidepressant meds, or anything like that. And yet I knew I couldn’t make it through the school year like this–unless I was going to title it The School Year From Hell–and…yeah…that didn’t sound doable.

So I sat on the couch one night, babbling my anxious thoughts and feelings to my dear husband and, even after I’d finished, I still didn’t have any dramatic insight. He said, “Is there anyone you can talk to?” And after thinking for a while, I remembered that my curriculum has a helpline with homeschool advisers who’ve been in the trenches like I have, and who are happy to help me brainstorm and troubleshoot.

I spoke the next morning to a wonderful, kind woman who’d homeschooled her two boys. She assured me that my son’s struggles and wandering attention were very normal for a nine-year-old and then told me that the curriculum we were using was recommended for 4th-7th grade. Even though it was the next step in the natural progression of the coursework we’d been doing at home, it was going to be a huge jump up from his previous year’s workload.

She suggested that we slow down our pace and allow ourselves 2 years to finish the work instead of one–and assured me that because it was so advanced for his grade level, we would not fall behind if we did this. I would maintain his regular schedule for his math, spelling, and handwriting, but I’d slow things down elsewhere.

You guys, I almost burst into tears when I got off the phone. It was basically life-changing.

It’s so hard to know what to do, to know that something is wrong but not understand how to fix it. I didn’t know the curriculum was advanced for his level. I just thought we were going so slowly and I didn’t see any other solution except to try harder.

I’m a completionist. The number of things I’ve quit could likely be counted on my ten fingers without using all the fingers. I don’t want to fail my kids in their education. I take it extremely seriously. So I asked for help.

And, thank God, there was a solution out there and a kind person to give me permission to take it.

He’s reading out loud to himself. I’ve waited 9 years for this.

Slowly and surely, I’m feeling more like myself again. The depression and bone-weary exhaustion have abated.

It took me six weeks of worrying and struggling and doubting and trying to white-knuckle my way into the new school year, but I can finally say I think we’ve hit our stride.

Sure, we still have days where the fractions don’t make any sense, when a spelling test is cause for a weeping tantrum, and when piano practice is so anger-inducing that someone is slamming the keys in dissonant, nerve-jangling cords, but I can say I’m enjoying it once more. And I feel like I have the capacity for joy and friendship again. I can’t thrive without those.

Cheers to you and yours who are in the throes of the school year. I’m there in the trenches with you!

Love,
Elise

2022 Awards Eligibility Post

With nominations for the Nebula Awards just around the corner, it’s time to post my list of works published in 2022 that are eligible in the Short Story categories of the Nebulas and Hugos, etc.

Links to read the stories online will be posted below when available.

A huge thank you to my critique group, to my enthusiastic readers, and to the editors who’ve shown passion and excitement for my projects.

If you’ve read one or both of this year’s stories, you might recognize elements from the lumastration universe–which first appeared in print via “Drowned Prison” (Galaxy’s Edge, Issue 48) in January 2021. I’m currently revising a novel set in this same lumastration world and I’ve been pleased to discover that the SFF world is excited to read these kinds of stories too! Yay!

Short Stories of 2022

“Focal Point” (Haven Spec, Issue 4, May 2022) – This story began as a much larger novelette, an exploration of grief, shameful secrets, and the vulnerability of the road to emotional healing, all through the lens of “lumastration”: a painted art form that allows its artists to infuse their own emotions into the paints. “War Painting” (Gilded Glass: Twisted Myths and Shattered Fairy Tales, WordFire Press, July 2022) – A frustrated young artist joins the war effort in hopes of making a name for himself by lumastrating paintings that will be used to psychologically destroy the enemy. A peek into the dark side of ambition and its cost.

I hope you enjoy reading these! (And if anything else pops up in my publications before the end of the year, I’ll add it to this list!)

For fun, here’s some beautiful art made by an AI (thank you, Midjourney!) that generated this image from a prompt I wrote from my novel, The Counter-Ward.

My First WorldCon – Chicago style!

It began as a compulsion. I needed more regular infusions of writing nerds in my life and I was really wising up to that fact.

Also, I’d discovered that one major preventative for depression symptoms (more about my mental health journey can be found here) is to keep planning good things in my future so that I can look forward to them. At the tail end of my time at the SuperStars Writing Seminar this February, I discovered that a group of friends had already decided to go together to WorldCon (World Science Fiction Convention), which was being hosted later that summer in Chicago.

Truth be told, a few years ago I wouldn’t have pointed to myself and said “That girl really likes big, crowded social events.” But the joy that comes from spending time with other SFF writers, learning with them, enjoying food and drink with them, building friendships, and staying in touch with them over time and space… It’s hard to specifically quantify it, but I can say with certainty that it is deeply nourishing and encouraging to my soul.

Mica picked me up from the train!

So I signed up for WorldCon within days of returning fromColorado Springs. And then I did something I’ve never done before. I appliedfor programming.

I filled out a lot of information about myself, my experience, and my interests. I pored over the proposed panel topics and selected ones that I would be happy to participate in. It took months for things to be finalized–and understandably so! I can’t imagine the number of moving parts and people and vacancies needing to be filled. It is truly a monumental effort.

The green room – for panelists to meet up

After I was notified of my acceptance on programming, I was given the names and times of my panels as well as the people who would be on the panels with me. I was immediately relieved (and surprised!) to recognize one of the names on the panel. In a convention as huge as WorldCon, those odds can’t be very high. And knowing someone helped. It smoothed the way into something that was new and a little scary for me. Because I was able to hug the moderator before we jumped into a discussion of the topics (thank you Peter Adrian Behravesh for always being so kind to me!)

What were my WorldCon highlights, you ask?

Dinner with some of my favorite people!

Barcon – (that’s shorthand for all the networking and socializing that happens at the hotel bar, either during the day or after hours. And no, you don’t have to drink booze to participate in it). I joined SFWA (Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers Association—my first writer’s guild!) last month so that I could have further opportunities to meet folks in the writing world, and the SFWA meetup was, you guessed it, at the bar. *Clears throat*. Here is where I pause and assure my parents (Hi, Mom and Dad!) that I am not lapsing into wanton drunken ways and writing it off as business necessities. Barcon is a warm, sometimes rowdy, but very generous crowd. The folks I met were encouraging, welcoming, funny, and forthright. They wanted to get to know me and my writing and they wanted to help me with my career goals. Shout out to Rob Greene for the warm introduction to his Transpatial Tavern community!

Jean and me introducing our reading

My Reading – I performed a joint reading with Jean Bürlesk, a writer from Luxembourg, wherein we each read original fiction inspired by fairy tales or myths and then afterward ran a Q/A with the audience.

It was pure joy to share the stage with Jean. He’s a wonderful actor and a fine performer and a very talented and very funny writer. Our paths collided multiple times after that reading and he even came over to the AirBnB that my housemates and I were sharing to join us for dinner, billiards, and board games. I wouldn’t at all mind doing many future readings in Jean’s company! Also, to my heartfelt delight, the story that I read moved at least one person in the audience to tears, which was really encouraging feedback.

I’m giving a rather serious intro to my story…

My Panels – I limited myself to two panels this time around.

The first, “Tell Me a Story,” was a discussion of what is lost and what is gained when the written word on the page is turned into spoken word by an actor or narrator. We had a diverse panel and a lively, warm discussion on the nuances of audio. In particular, I enjoyed pointing out that the human voice is so much more sophisticated than text, which is why we can communicate our intended message much more eloquently when we speak it instead of sending a text or email. Emojis just can’t make a substitute for the human voice.

“Tell Me a Story” panel

The second panel, “How to Say Goodbye,” was more of a society and relationship panel than a literary one, about how to end a relationship well. We talked about romantic and family relationships as well as friendships. The moderator collected questions from the audience to tailor our questions to the things that folks were wondering about. It was powerful. I could have talked for another hour, easily.

Then, when a few people approached me afterward to talk about something I’d said that had struck a chord in them or even to sympathize with my painful story by sharing their own—it was beautiful. I felt like I was doing more than blathering on about some mildly interesting topic. I was helping people. (One of my “in another life” professional dreams would be that of a counselor or mediator). I made a woman my mother’s shed tears and blow me a kiss. Tears are precious because they signal that we’ve reached the heart.

“How to Say Goodbye” panel

Looking back, it’s kind of funny to observe: I was nervous to be a panelist in front of people, and now I’m sure that I want to always be on panels at all the conventions I attend in the future.

Dykstal, Maggy, and me on our Explore Chicago day!

My housemates/The Tentacles – I have a writing group formed from a handful of Writers of the Future friends who were all in the WOTF 35 anthology with me. We meet online once-a- month, but have managed to see each other in person twice this year. For this WorldCon, the majority of us were able to make it to Chicago and we rented an AirBnB house in the Lincoln Park neighborhood. This facilitated dinners and evenings together as well as a place to retreat from the madness of a convention in a giant hotel. Two members of Tentacles brought their spouses along, and it felt even more like family as we got to know and enjoy their significant others.

The Tentacles found an Octopus in the Airbnb! (Destiny!)

My One Ring Writing Group – I met this bunch at another writing conference and we helped sustain each other through the isolation of COVID through many memes, funny posts, and sharing of information critiques in a private Discord server. Both my One Ring friends and my Tentacles friends were incredibly supportive in attending each other’s panels, taking pictures, and cheering each other on. Everyone needs a community like this in order to survive in the big, wild, scary world. I’m so grateful for these safety nets.

Some of the One Ring crew!

There was more awesome stuff that happened. John Scalzi DJ’d a dance party one night. I explored the “party room floors” at the hotel and found room party after room party (yes it was overwhelming). I attended the Hugo Awards ceremony and got to be physically present at something I’d only ever read about!

Carrie, me, and Jean at the Hugos!

I walked through Millennium Park and admired Chicago’s stunning and gorgeous architecture. I discussed the loose outline of a future co-authored writing project. I learned the basic rules of Magic (the card game). I sang my heart out at an impromptu karaoke party featuring a Bluetooth speaker and a laptop in the basement of our AirBnB–when the mood is right the equipment doesn’t need to be fancy.

Game night!

It was a wonderful trip. I confess I’m depleted enough in energy that I don’t have an immediate craving for another convention anytime soon, but that will almost certainly change in the near future.

Enjoy the photos!

The Mirror Lies: Guest Post from Sam Knight

They say the mirror doesn’t lie.

I’m here to tell you that it does.

It takes time to realize it, it takes time to even be ableto tell, which means many people never see it on their own. So, I will showyou.

Unless you don’t want to know. In which case, you shouldturn back now…

You were warned.

Most people think of mirrors as a reflection of what is, butthey are not.

For starters, if they were accurate, the term “mirror image”would be meaningless. But we all know that it means “opposite.”

It doesn’t just mean “reflection,” or we would use that terminstead, wouldn’t we? “Reflection image.” Doesn’t that feel so much moreinnocent? So much less… sinister?

That’s because,although reflections are distorted, they aren’t lying to you. You can tellthey’re not perfect. You can see the ripples, the bends, the twists, and youknow them for what they are.

There’s a reason why “fun-house mirrors” show up in thehorror movies and why other movies have characters stare at themselves in thetwisted images coming out of the fun-house mirrors while dramatic music playsand time slows.

Those mirrors, which are made of the things whosereflections we trust, are lying and we know it. And it bothers us. It bothersus deeply to know we are being lied to by the things we think tell usthe truth about ourselves.

But how many times have you primped and dressed in front ofyour trusty mirror only to have someone tell you that you look fine when you’resure you got it all wrong? How many times were you sure you finally nailed itand looked cooler than the Fonz and Pinky Tuscadero rolled into one only tohave someone laugh at you, because you looked like…the Fonz and Pinky Tuscaderorolled into one?

The mirror lies. It lies because there is more than itshows, and it shows less than there is.

The truth is always more.

A lot more.

And the mirror can never show all of it.

Now that I’ve shown you the easy ones, the ones you can livewith, let’s fall into the abyss together.

Because even if the mirror could show all of it, youcouldn’t see all of it.

When you reach a certain age, you will have photographs youlook at, to help you remember, to help you reminisce about the way things were.About the way people were. About the way you were.

As the years go by, and you look at the photographs, theydon’t change. They don’t lie. They stay exactly the same. Sure, they may fade alittle bit. The colors may tarnish. But then, so does your memory, and that’sokay.

Until one day, you look at a photograph that you’ve beenlooking at for years, and you don’t recognize it anymore. You do, but—youdon’t. You recognize this is the photograph you’ve been looking at, but thepeople in it…they don’t look right anymore. They don’t look like…you remember? You,in the photographs, don’t look like you remember, even if the photograph stilllooks the way you remember it.

How is that possible?

Because you’ve believed the mirror’s lie.

Every day you’ve stood in front of the mirror and believedwhat it told you. That that—that mirror image looking back atyou—is you.

And you believed it.

Even though there were times you saw yourself in the mirrorand it startled you. Even though there were times you didn’t recognizeyourself. You believed it.

And now, you can’t believe the unchanging photograph. Thething that is telling the truth. Because the mirror slowly changed yourperception of yourself so much that you can’t recognize who and what you oncewere.

And, after you realize that, how can you possibly trust it totell you who you are now?

But you will.

You’ll go on trusting it, because, if you think about thattoo long, you have to reject it. Or go mad.

At this point, I was ready to go into the sales pitch: GoBuy My Story Here! (I’ll come back to that in a minute…) But I got totallyderailed by stopping and reading Elise Stephens’ post. You see, Elise and I areexchanging posts to “cross promote,” and she is a lot more on top of thingsthan I am. As with many projects, I don’t read what other people wrote until Iget a good part of what I am doing done. I’m willing to redo something if anidea is too similar, but I hate giving up an idea before I had a chance toexplore it, so I just don’t read other authors’ things until I’m done, ornearly so.

And I was surprised to see how similar of a theme Elise andI had: The mirrors lie.

Why did we both lean that way? Well, the obvious and easyanswer is we are both trying to promote our stories in an anthology aboutmirrors. But the more terrifying answer, and unfortunately just as true, isthat we both know the mirrors actually do lie.

So, from me to you, as someone who cares,don’t listen to the mirrors.

Instead, consider entertaining yourself with a copy of Gilded Glass: TwistedMyths and Shattered Fairy Tales, where you can read my cautionarytale, a modern myth if you will, about someone who thinks they know best andtrusts what the mirror says. Then you can read Elise’s story. (It’s good!) Andthen you can read the other stories. Some of them are okay, too. (Gosh! I’mkidding! There are so many great authors and stories it’s hard to believe!)

And, like Elise, as part of this guest post, I’ll be giving away an eBook of mine! Blazing Uncanny Trails, my first collection of Weird Western short stories, chock full of monsters and cowboys! Leave a comment below to enter the drawing, and then go check out Elise’s post on my website, SamKnight.com.

Sam Knight is the owner/publisher of Knight Writing Press and author of six children’s books, five short story collections, three novels (with the fourth scheduled to release in December 2022), and over 75 stories, including three co-authored with Kevin J. Anderson.

Once upon a time, he was known to quote books the way some people quote movies, but now he claims having a family has made him forgetful, as a survival adaptation. He can be found at SamKnight.com and contacted at sam@samknight.com.