Lacey Louwagie's Blog, page 23

Writing and the Immeasurable Payout

Recently, I subscribed to Holly Lisle’s e-newsletter on a recommendation from Publishing E-books for Dummies, which I’m reading as part of my Rumpled ebook project. Although my inbox is full with newsletters and updates that I often don’t have time to read, I’m glad I took a look at Holly’s post about whether writing is worth the price. I recommend that not just writers, but anyone who wonders about the “price” of their dreams, take a look.

As a freelancer who juggles work for a variety of clients, as well as a part-time job with fluctuating hours, I often find myself weighing costs and benefits in my head before I accept any project, knowing that to do so means I may have to give up others. Questions include …

How long will the work take me, and how much does the project pay? In other words, what will be my approximate “per hour” rate?
How enjoyable is the work? Or, conversely, how boring, difficult, or frustrating is it?
How reliable is this client at paying on time, or how long will I have to wait to get paid?
If the pay-rate is low, are there other benefits — such as building up my portfolio, reaching a certain audience, or bringing me closer to something I want?

The best projects, of course, are the ones that are enjoyable and that pay well. But I will sometimes sacrifice higher pay for work that I find more enjoyable. Ultimately, though, my goal as a freelance writer is to get higher pay for fewer hours of work … so that more of my time is freed up for my own writing. In fact, being able to make my own writing a priority was largely the impetus that pushed me to transition from work as a full-time staff person to a freelancer. The reality of making money as a freelancer means that I don’t have significantly more time to write than I did when I worked for a company full time; what I do have is greater flexibility, which means I can work my other commitments around my writing. And that is worth a lot.

Still, I learned long ago that I cannot apply this cost/benefit model to my writing. Doing so would utterly depress me. Ultimately, I want to publish a novel with a major publishing house — that’s my most desired tangible outcome of the investment I make in writing. But even if that happened, there’s no way that the advance would ever compensate for the years that I put into getting me to that point. If it takes approximately 10,000 hours to attain true mastery, and you secure a $10,000 advance (a fairly generous sum, and unlikely from small presses), that translates into $1 per hour for your work. As a freelancer, I won’t work for those rates, and neither should anyone else.

But I’m not writing this post as a freelancer. I’m not writing my novels or my journal entries as a freelancer, either. I’m writing them for something else, something that is not easily quantified, and that has meaning even if they never bring any money in. I don’t write with hopes of payment and recognition; but I think these things would be mighty nice perks, since I’m going to be writing anyway.

And I am going to be writing anyway. I appreciate a “break” from writing between big projects, but after a month or so I start to feel “off” without a writing project threading through my life. I still get excited for new ideas and for old ones; I still feel as though there may never be enough time in the world for me to do all the writing I want to do, to tell all the stories I want to tell. This both daunts me and inspires me. I expect that my writing will take different forms throughout my life, but I know that to stop writing would be to lose a part of myself — perhaps even a crucial one, without which the other parts of myself might crumble apart. And who could put a price on that?

Fairy Tale Book Review: Scarlet by Marissa Meyer

Scarlet by Marissa Meyer

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book had nice pacing, a good narrative arc, and perhaps most importantly, a good balance between its two primary storylines — the continuation of Cinder’s story, and the introduction of Scarlet. Initially I didn’t think I’d like this book as much as Cinder because I didn’t like Scarlet as much as I liked Cinder. I think I still prefer Cinder, but by the end of the book, Scarlet had grown on me.

I think what I really love about this series is the way that it melds so many different genres that I like — although it’s science fiction with spaceships and androids, it’s “light” science fiction, so I don’t have to feel stupid if I don’t get the “hard” science. The retold fairy tales bring something new to the table, but they also stay true to their source material. I felt a little ambivalent about how closely this one skirted toward the paranormal romance genre, but it’s still loads better than “Twilight” or even “Sisters Red.”

While these books have a nice balance of plotting and character development, I do feel uncomfortable with how cavalier they are about death. Characters who are vitally important to the protagonists die in both books, and their passing doesn’t seem to engender the kind of bereavement that it should, feeling too much like a plot point and not like a devastating loss. These books maintain my interest and my emotional investment, but they don’t bring me anywhere close to tears — which they should. Instead, the deaths make me feel indignant, like the character has been dealt an injustice not only in losing their loved one, but in not being allowed the emotional resonance that the situation calls for.

Still, I loved the way Marissa Meyer managed to intertwine Cinder’s and Scarlet’s stories, and I look forward to seeing how she will continue to weave ever-more fairy tale threads together in future books.

View all my reviews

Latest Posts on Young Adult Catholics

My latest post, about Catholicism and Introversion, is up on Young Adult Catholics today. And since I forgot to mention my last post, a reflection on whether Jesus was a “gentle soul” or “fire and brimstone preacher“, you can check that one out, too!

The Only Cure for Writer’s Block? Writing.

When I teach writing, I always tell people that the only cure for writer’s block is writing.

Now it’s time for me to buck up and follow my own advice.

I’ve read all the Dark Crystal books I can get my hands on, cover-to-cover, poring over the pictures and taking notes. I have enough bare bones to begin writing my contest entry. There’s no more excuse now for putting it off. Except that I’m intimidated.

The world of the Dark Crystal is lush and complex and ancient and, above all, visually stunning. A world meant for the eyes to devour. And capturing that same sense of awe and beauty in writing will be difficult, so difficult that the task of transforming a blank computer screen into something similar seems almost impossible.

But starting a new project always feels impossible. And by not writing, I’m not using the part of my brain that knows how to make those connections, that can break through writer’s block. There are things that can happen in your mind when you write that just won’t happen when you’re just thinking. That’s why writing through writer’s block works. It gets your mind engaged in the right way again, and even if you have to write pages of crap, usually in the midst of it there’s an “aha!” moment that you never would have uncovered if you just tried to solve the issue while washing dishes or walking the dog, staying in your mind, not using the tools that you will need to break through this wall. You can’t nail a board back onto the deck by just thinking about a hammer, and you can’t break through writer’s block by just thinking about it, either.

Mondays are my blogging days, which give me a reprieve. And tomorrow I blog for Young Adult Catholics. But on Wednesday morning, my task is clear: I will be writing my outline for the Dark Crystal’s Authorquest. Here’s hoping that will help my story “crystalize” enough to write those crucial 10,000 words.

Speculative Fiction … Literary Fiction’s Best-Kept Secret

A couple weeks ago, I commented on a newly published author’s implication that the reason many writers are not getting published is because they’re writing stories with fantastical elements (and received a very insightful comment from one of my readers that the nature of this particular author’s novel, Race Across the Sky, follows fantasy’s “hero quest” paradigm. Hm.)

This same podcast series also included an interview with Emily Croy Barker, author of The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Real Magic. There was no denying that this was a book of fantasy; the interviewer admitted that she didn’t read much fantasy and was “pleasantly surprised” that she enjoyed the book. She then went on to ask Ms. Barker whether she read fantasy, as though we were about to receive a scandalous reveal. Not surprisingly, Ms. Barker said that she did, without hesitation. (I would have been disappointed if she didn’t, as I don’t think authors have much business publishing in genres they don’t even read.)

I’ve been noticing this tendency to eschew the sci-fi or fantasy label amongst other recent books that clearly draw upon the genre for their premises. The July issue of BookPage includes a review of a novel called The Humans which is told from the perspective of an alien who seeks to intercept humans’ development of a certain technology, which he doesn’t believe they’re ready for. In case you missed this important point, this book is told from the perspective of an alien. But instead of being labeled as science fiction, it receives the rather vague designation of “popular fiction.”

On the next page, we have a review of The Impossible Lives of Greta Wells, a novel in which the main character time travels and inhabits different lives while she receives electroshock therapy for depression. The genre? Literary fiction. That’s shortly followed up by Sisterland, a novel about twins with psychic abilities, which is designated as merely “fiction.”

I saw something similar happen with The Time Traveler’s Wife. It has time travel in the title. There is actual time traveling in the book. There is even a (somewhat weak) “scientific” explanation for the time travel. I defiantly shelved it with “science fiction” on my Goodreads account, although you’ll find it under “fiction” or “literature” in most libraries and bookstores.

Can you think of other examples?

So, if time traveling, aliens, and the ability to predict the future don’t qualify as science fiction, what exactly does? To me, this comes down to the problem of a desire to elevate “literature” above genre. Literature is read by those who like to feel superior, convinced that they read for enlightenment rather than for entertainment, and that their college + educations make them oh-so-much-better judges of good literature than the masses. If you want women’s book clubs to buy your book, or to have a shot at that Oprah sticker on the cover, you better not be shelved with genre fiction.

Literary fiction is generally understood as fiction that is character driven, that is concerned with the artfulness of the storytelling, and that attempts to say something “larger” about humanity and/or the world. I have no doubt that the books referenced above fit these descriptions. They may not follow what are considered “typical” fantasy and sci-fi tropes, but then, the very best in any genre reaches beyond expectation. And genre fiction will continue to struggle to be taken seriously if those who are employing aspects of genre as central features in their story deny their association with their high-fantasy and space-opera writing kin.

Despite all the talk about geek being “chic,” apparently in the book world science fiction still reeks of fanboys dressed in Trek gear and shelves cluttered with action figure collections. I’ve certainly encountered this culture (and found much to love in it, btw) as a lifelong lover of science fiction and fantasy. But I’ve also found people who are willing to look critically at the world, to ask the big “what if?” questions, and to join in deeply exploring this thing we call life. Although reading sci-fi and fantasy is certainly not a prerequisite for friendship with me, I find that all my closest relationships are, indeed, with other speculative fiction readers–because they are willing to “boldly go” into new territory of the mind, and bring a continued sense of wonder to the world.

Thus, I think it’s a shame that fantasy and sci-fi writers with a somewhat literary bent distance themselves from this rich community, reinforcing stereotypes that it is not real literature (as opposed to their own story about an alien). I, too, strive to infuse my fantasy and science fiction with literary conventions; plot tends to emerge as secondary behind writing and characters for me. But when I publish, I will wear the label of fantasy/sci-fi writer proudly, and have no doubts about the good company I am in.

A Year in the Life, Week 14: A Walk in City, Town, or Village

I didn’t get a chance to post my Week 14 Year in the Life writing from August 2, because extra shifts at the library where I work have been eating away my precious writing Fridays. The prompt was to describe a walk in a place you went often (or something like that). I wrote about the bike trail where I prefer to bike with Syrus, although I only get to use this particular section when we have time for a “leisurely” outing, as it takes about an hour as opposed to the usual 45 minutes.

It started out prosy and then decided it wanted more poem-like line breaks.

It is not the first place I want to go in the morning, not when my eyes are gritty with sleep, my hair frizzed around my face. I don’t feel ready for it yet, as though it hasn’t been properly earned.

As the day’s tasks weigh me down—writing, working, cleaning, it stretches out in my mind, a haven beckoning me to give sore feet and a tired brain a rest.

It is not the first place I want to go in the morning, not when my eyes are gritty with sleep, my hair frizzed around my face. I don’t feel ready for it yet, as though it hasn’t been properly earned.

As the day’s tasks weigh me down—writing, working, cleaning, it stretches out in my mind, a haven beckoning me to give sore feet and a tired brain a rest.

And it’s in dusk I love it most

the way the gray concrete ribbon

turns and rolls,

first by the children in the baseball diamond,

and the teenagers sitting in the grass

mothers pushing strollers that

move to the side as I approach,

my bike beneath me, dog grinning at my side.

Tiny baby fingers like

exclamation marks: Doggie!

Four bridges in all, all over

the Big Sioux River

not so big most summers.

The large sturdy tree

stretching its boughs to shelter

the bench where I often sit to write

while joggers and dog walkers and bikers–

bent over intensely as they pedal–

rush on by.

After this, the trees recede,

fade into the background.

The prairie weeds I hate in my garden

look beautiful and natural growing here,

amidst the tall, yellow-green

prairie grasses,

and I think of my husband,

how he says, “I love walking

on prairie trail”

and how that reminds me

that all nature’s patterns are beautiful–

not just the northern pine forests I still miss

or the red rocks I long to see by sunset.

At dusk, the lack of shade matters not,

and the flat ground lets the breeze

rush across us, unhindered.

They say you can see for miles

on the flat plains–

but not here, where the winding trail

keeps its secrets,

the next bend hidden

behind tall, woody reeds.

My dog’s favorite part,

inviting a sniff or a piss.

Mine, too, for all its gentle dignity,

tall and straight and proud.

The only way home is out onto the sidewalk,

past the gas station, the world’s intrusion

as cars rush by and music blares.

All the baby rabbits dart through the grass

behind the truckers’ parking lot,

a hairpin turn that points to home

as darkness urges me on.

Then, just to make Ms. VenOsdel happy, I went one step further and did one of the extension exercises, which asked for a conversation between myself and something outside, such as fresh air. Although, mine ended up being more of a monologue. Fresh air doesn’t let you get a word in edgewise!

Extension 2: Fresh Air

Slide the porch door open

just enough to let the dog outside.

“Wait,” cries a wispy voice

“Don’t shut me out yet.”

I pause and she continues,

“At least three breaths

before you close the door,

three breaths in which to take

a little bit of the world

inside of you.

“The first breath, for the rain

that pushes me to you,

that will knock on this very door

in an hour’s time,

to announce that there’s no need

to water the garden or walk the dog.

Today is your day off.

“A second breath

for how I offer you something

sweet and pure,

though exhaust hides on the

other side of the house.

Here, here I bring only the scent

of the neighbor’s newly cut grass

and the laughter of his granddaughter.

“And the third breath

because I will never be here again

Not like this,

with just these molecules of pollen,

and this swirl of breeze.

What you’ve given me in return,

I will take as I move on

so that you will go with me

to trees and mountains

till we fly over the ocean.”

Since I made the commitment to designate a certain time in the upcoming week when I would return to extensions I wanted to do, I’ve become more realistic about whether I’ll actually get them done or not. I’m swamped this week with the library and freelance work and potentially even a family emergency. So although week 15′s extensions intrigued me, I didn’t mark any of them because I couldn’t see myself actually committing to doing them, especially since there are non-prompted backed up journal entries I’d like to write. So the review did help me see whether I’m really willing to make something a priority or not.

Although I liked what I wrote for Week 15, its nature is too personal and so I won’t be posting it here. Sorry, Internet voyeurs!

Fantasy … Less Worthy of Publication?

Through my library work, I have access to Penguin’s “First Flights” program, which features interviews with first-time authors. A little over a week ago, I was listening to the interview with Derek Sherman, author of Race Across the Sky.

During these chats, the interviewer almost always asks the author about his experience of getting his first book published. (Most of these authors explain the process as “unexpectedly easy,” which is rather depressing to a passionate, unpublished author! Does this have anything to do with the fact that these are the books the publisher has chosen to promote? Was publication “easy” because what they wrote “happened” to be just the sort of thing that publisher was looking for and wanting to publish? At any rate, I hope this isn’t a truly “representative sample.”)

Beware the dragons’ wrath!

When the interviewer asked Derek Sherman this question, he mentioned how Googling “I’ve just written a novel, what next?” brings up a lot of blogs from disgruntled authors complaining about how it’s impossible to get anything published unless you’re already famous. Then he added, “Then you find out they’re all writing novels about dwarves, and dragons …”

As a writer of fantasy, I wasn’t sure exactly how to take this comment. As he contrasted the “ease” with which he was published against these “disgruntled” authors, was he saying that the reason such authors weren’t getting published is because they’re writing fantasy? Is this a genre that is somehow less worthy of publication, or new talent? My husband suggested the most positive take on this comment, which was that perhaps he was saying that particular field was already so “flooded” that it was hard for new folks to break in. But I don’t think so — despite breakout successes like Harry Potter and classics like Lord of the Rings, I still think that fantasy and sci-fi remains a very niche genre. At least, through my work in libraries over the past several years, I’ve noticed that few library workers read sci-fi/fantasy (among a sub-population who are very big readers), and the sci-fi and fantasy aisles are decidedly smaller than the “mysteries” or “general fiction.”

I’m curious about other potential interpretations of this comment. Is writing about “dwarves and dragons” a justifiable roadblock in and of itself to publication? I don’t think so, and it rankles me that any author would summarily dismiss unpublished authors in another genre, while he basks on his pedestal of publication.

As for me, I’ll keep writing about dwarfs and dragons, and reading about them, too. And I’m going to pass on Race Across the Sky.

A Year in the Life, Week 13: Quarterly Review

Last week’s A Year in the Life exercise was to give myself a quarterly review about my successes and shortcomings as a journal keeper, in direct response to my conditions of hiring at the beginning of this project. My supervisor and I pretty much see eye-to-eye on things, so I’m looking forward to improvement in the next quarter (OK, and I’m a little nervous about keeping a commitment to improving as well.)

July 26, 2013

Dear Lacey,

Overall, I’ve been pleased with your progress so far. You have not once missed out on your weekly journaling obligation, although at times it’s posed a larger obstacle than you expected. You’ve only had to move a journaling date from a Friday once or twice, which pleases me. You’ve appropriately used the exercises to give structure to both recent and past experiences. I’ve also noticed improvement in the frequency of your entries, as well as various “extras” such as clippings of reviews for books you’ve read. You’ve gone beyond the call of duty by occasionally posting your entries online, and I’m pleased by the conversations this has inspired–although I wish you would respond to comments in a more timely manner.

There are a few places where I see room for improvement. Although I appreciate that you write on each weekly prompt, I feel you sometimes hold back on or rush through those that don’t particularly interest you. You seem to prefer for the exercises not to take too long, rather than allowing yourself to go as deep as you could. I feel disappointed that you don’t ever return to the journal exercise “extensions” throughout the week, even though you often intend to. And you hardly tried at all the week you were in the Black Hills and disregarded the writing prompt entirely because that particular exercise was meant to be written at home.

Still, I appreciate all that you’ve recorded, as well as the sometimes surprising insights that your writing has uncovered. I look forward to continuing to work with you.

All best,

Lacey VenOsdel

July 27, 2013

Dear Ms. VenOsdel,

Thank you very much for your feedback. I agree with most of what you said. I’m also pleased that I’ve been writing more often between entries and I like knowing that I’ll get the chance to write on Friday at the very least to keep the journal from languishing.

I find myself really looking forward to these Friday journaling sessions, but you’re right that I sometimes don’t go as deep as I could. I think this comes from my preoccupation with “achievement,” and I love the satisfaction that comes after accomplishing my weekly journaling session. I also do often think of it as “one more thing to cross off the list.” I would welcome feedback from you on how I might set aside more time for it, make it a higher priority. Perhaps it ought to be the first thing I tackle on Fridays–although it is so pleasant that I like getting less pleasant tasks out of the way first.

I share your concern about not returning to the journaling extensions. I’m very good at accomplishing what I say I will do, but I often stop short of “going the extra mile.” I know that returning to the marked extensions would be “going the extra mile” for you.

Perhaps I need to be diligent about setting aside time in advance for extensions I’d like to return to. I often tell myself I will do them “the next time I have time to journal,” but in actuality, I usually use that time to journal about what’s happening in my life that week. As more and more time goes by, the extensions begin to feel more distant and less urgent.

So, let’s try this going forward: if I mark an extension I’d like to return to, I will set aside time to do so within that week. You’ve seen that I’m good at keeping my commitments, so I think I simply need to make a commitment to return to the relevant prompts, rather than intending to return to them only when and if I “get around to it.” This will help me save on sticky notes, too!

All in all, it’s been a great first quarter. I look forward to seeing what comes next!

Sincerely,

Lacey Louwagie

The Dark Crystal Authorquest and Writing on Assignment

A few weeks ago, I decided that I needed to put my Rapunzel novel on hold so that I could wrap up a few other fiction projects. The first was my Rumpled ebook. The second is entering a submission in The Dark Crystal Authorquest contest.

I found out about the Authorquest about a month ago. I saw The Dark Crystal once as a little girl, and again as a teen. I was always intrigued by the world and I loved the puppetry. When I watched it again after deciding to enter the contest, I realized I’ve been having dreams about the Mystics for years, but was unable to place where the images had come from. Now I know they must have lodged in my subconscious from my earlier viewings of The Dark Crystal. That gave me a sense of connection to the material that confirmed my decision to enter the contest.

I have three books about The Dark Crystal waiting for me at the library, and I’m hoping reading them will spark something. I’ve been making notes, watching the movie and all the commentary, reading everything on DarkCrystal.com. But still, a story hasn’t emerged for me.

I feel like I am absolutely qualified to write something of this nature. The Authorquest is searching for a young adult, fantasy series. I write fantasy. I write young adult. I’ve also written a lot of fan-fiction, so I understand working within someone else’s creation.

But as the days pass and I find myself no closer to an idea, my confidence wavers. I think, if I’m having this much trouble, there’s no way I could win the contest. But it’s not really about winning anymore. Now, it’s about proving to myself that I can do this. Although I write non-fiction on assignment frequently as a freelancer, I’ve only successfully written fiction on assignment once, when I wrote my short story “The Man in the Mirror” specifically for inclusion in Queer Dimensions. But the idea of writing fiction on assignment has always intrigued me, and I know other writers make their living doing this. Consider the ghost writers for the Animorphs series, the V.C. Andrews books that kept being published after she was long-dead, and the James Patterson writing factory.

I remember watching the special features on the JEM DVD collection (one of my favorite TV shows from my childhood), and hearing Christie Marx talk about how she was given the character designs for the JEM doll line and tasked to write a TV series about them. Some people think that this type of work is done “just for the money” or “just to sell the merchandise,” but I don’t agree. I fully believe that, even writing fiction on assignment, even when taking direction from someone else’s vision, you can fall in love with the story you’re writing. It can become just as precious as your totally original work. Erin Hunter (actually a pseudonym for a team of writers) was hired specifically to write a fantasy series about cats. The head writer, Victoria Holmes, doesn’t even like cats — but she is able to write dozens of books, which her readers adore, because she’s taken the cats’ storylines and made them her own, weaving her own personal experiences — such as health crises — into the Warriors plots. If a writer doesn’t come to cherish her fiction, I don’t think it will connect with readers the way that the Warriors series clearly has.

I know I can’t force creativity, but I need to keep showing up nonetheless. Reading, imagining, jotting down the bare wisps of ideas at the corners of my mind. I want to do this not to win the $10,000 or the publishing contract (although those things would be wonderful!) but to prove to myself that it’s something I can do.

I’ll let you know if I turn out to be right.

Government and Vatican Security Leaks

My latest post is up over at Young Adult Catholics, which is a reflection on the news that the Pope has recently criminalized “leaks” in the Vatican, alongside the NSA’s pursuit of Edward Snowden.