MaryAnn Bernal's Blog, page 384
August 21, 2013
History Trivia - Dundee's rising in Scotland
August 21
1165 Philip II (Philip Augustus) the first king of the Capetian dynasty in France was born.
1689 The Battle of Dunkeld in Scotland was fought between Jacobite clans supporting the deposed king James VII of Scotland and a government regiment of covenanters supporting William of Orange, King of Scotland, in the streets around Dunkeld Cathedral, Dunkeld, Scotland, and formed part of the Jacobite rising commonly called Dundee's rising in Scotland.
1165 Philip II (Philip Augustus) the first king of the Capetian dynasty in France was born.
1689 The Battle of Dunkeld in Scotland was fought between Jacobite clans supporting the deposed king James VII of Scotland and a government regiment of covenanters supporting William of Orange, King of Scotland, in the streets around Dunkeld Cathedral, Dunkeld, Scotland, and formed part of the Jacobite rising commonly called Dundee's rising in Scotland.
August 20, 2013
The Wizard of Notts recommends: Blast from the Past: Big Race History 1994 Cambridgeshie H'cap
Halling - 1994 Cambridgeshie H'cap
http://betting.betfair.com/horse-racing/events/big-race-history-cambridgeshire-handicap-011009.html
Big Race History: Cambridgeshire HandicapEvents
/ Malcolm Pannett / 01 October 2009 / 
Beauchamp Pilot, in Erik Penser’s orange and white colours (left), strikes the front on his way to landing the 2002 Cambridgeshire
First run in 1839 the Cambridgeshire Handicap is an intriguing and sometime impossible handicap to fathom. It forms the first leg of the Autumn double that is completed by the two-mile two-furlong Cesarewitch which nowadays is run two weeks later. Malcolm Pannett examines the history of the race.
See Saw (1868), whose dam was Margery Daw, was the last to prevail over a mile. He beat Derby-winner Blue Gown after a cracking duel. From then on the Cambridgeshire trip was extended to nine furlongs.
In those days the Cesarewitch was run before the Cambridgeshire and horses were more versatile or less specialised, depending on your point of view. So it was no surprise when Roseberry (1876) achieved a feat that is very unlikely to be repeated nowadays by becoming the first of three horses to win both legs of the Autumn Double in the same year. The other two were Foxhall (1881) and Plaisanterie (1885).
Classic winners would also be pitched into the Cambridgeshire in that era for lack of other options in what was a less extensive programme book. However they were allotted huge weights and were rarely successful. However fillies' Triple Crown winner La Fleche did manage to buck the trend in 1892.
Hackler's Pride (1903 and 1904) was the first to win twice and has been followed by Christmas Daisy (1909 and 1910); Sterope (1948 and 1949); Prince de Galles (1969 and 1970); Baronet (1978 and 1980) who was also second in 1977 and 1981; and Rambo's Hall (1989 and 1992).
Arguably the best recent winner of the Cambridgeshire was Halling (1994) who went on to win five Group 1s (two Eclipses, two International Stakes at York and the Prix d'Ispahan at Longchamp) as well as three decent races in Dubai.
There were dead-heats in 1927 and 1961, and the race was run in two divisions in 1939 with the wins going to Gyroscope and Orichalaque.
In 1940 it was staged at Nottingham with Caxton running out the winner. In 1943 and 1944 during World War II there were equivalent races at Ascot and Stockton in addition to Newmarket
There were no races in 1920 or 1942 while in 1986 and 1999, the races won by Dallas and She's Our Mare (see below), the race was transferred to the July Course.
25 Year Ago - A one-two for Steve Norton who trained winner Leysh and runner-up Morwray who dominated the finish down the stand's side. The latter looked to have it won but under strong driving Leysh got back up in the final few strides to win his fourth race of the season by a neck.
10 years ago - Irish-invader She's Our Mare, at 11/1, overcame bad luck in running to win in the hands of Frankie Norton on the July Course. Tony Martin's dual-purpose daughter of Commanche Run, who had won the Swinton Hurdle at Haydock five months earlier, found her way blocked entering the final furlong. But once she found racing room she zoomed home to deprive favourite Bomb Alaska in the last few strides with Shadoof and Grinkov coming home third and fourth. All of Newmarket's fixtures were held on the July course that season while the Millennium Grandstand was being constructed. As a result the Cambridgeshire was a furlong longer than usual with each extra yard being simultaneously relished by She's Our Mare while sticking in the craw of favourite backers.
Five years ago - Spanish Don became the second 100/1 winner of the Cambridgeshire after Pullover in 1932. David Elsworth's charge ran on resolutely to just pip Take A Bow on the line. The official margin was a neck with a further length-and-a-quarter back to Fine Silver. Pedrillo, sent off market leader at 7/2, never settled and found nothing in the latter stages trailing in 22nd of the 32 runners. Dumaran reared at the start and after hitting his head on the superstructure took no further part. Spanish Don followed up in the Listed Jane Seymour Stakes three weeks later.
Last Year - A rewarding change of mount for Richard Hills who partnered the John Gosden-trained Tazeez to a 25/1 triumph. Hills had originally been due to partner Mutajarred but once it was decided the ground would be too fast for him Hills, as retained jockey to Hamdan Al Maktoum, switched to Tazeez. Outsider Nanton, at 66-1, made a bold bid from the front but was gradually reeled in with Tazeez eventually prevailing by a length with 7-1 favourite Swop running on well to grab third. Tazeez added to that victory with a win in the Group 3 Earl of Sefton Stakes on his seasonal debut in April this year.
http://betting.betfair.com/horse-racing/events/big-race-history-cambridgeshire-handicap-011009.html
Big Race History: Cambridgeshire HandicapEvents
/ Malcolm Pannett / 01 October 2009 / Beauchamp Pilot, in Erik Penser’s orange and white colours (left), strikes the front on his way to landing the 2002 Cambridgeshire First run in 1839 the Cambridgeshire Handicap is an intriguing and sometime impossible handicap to fathom. It forms the first leg of the Autumn double that is completed by the two-mile two-furlong Cesarewitch which nowadays is run two weeks later. Malcolm Pannett examines the history of the race.
"Roseberry (1876) achieved a feat that is very unlikely to be repeated nowadays by becoming the first of three horses to win both legs of the Autumn Double in the same year"The Cambridgeshire was first run in 1839 and was won by Lanercost who beat Mickleton Maid and 10 others over a mile at Newmarket. Lanercost went onto become a classy stayer who won 22 races, including the Gold Cup at Ascot, and had some notable tussles with Bee's Wing.
See Saw (1868), whose dam was Margery Daw, was the last to prevail over a mile. He beat Derby-winner Blue Gown after a cracking duel. From then on the Cambridgeshire trip was extended to nine furlongs.
In those days the Cesarewitch was run before the Cambridgeshire and horses were more versatile or less specialised, depending on your point of view. So it was no surprise when Roseberry (1876) achieved a feat that is very unlikely to be repeated nowadays by becoming the first of three horses to win both legs of the Autumn Double in the same year. The other two were Foxhall (1881) and Plaisanterie (1885).
Classic winners would also be pitched into the Cambridgeshire in that era for lack of other options in what was a less extensive programme book. However they were allotted huge weights and were rarely successful. However fillies' Triple Crown winner La Fleche did manage to buck the trend in 1892.
Hackler's Pride (1903 and 1904) was the first to win twice and has been followed by Christmas Daisy (1909 and 1910); Sterope (1948 and 1949); Prince de Galles (1969 and 1970); Baronet (1978 and 1980) who was also second in 1977 and 1981; and Rambo's Hall (1989 and 1992).
Arguably the best recent winner of the Cambridgeshire was Halling (1994) who went on to win five Group 1s (two Eclipses, two International Stakes at York and the Prix d'Ispahan at Longchamp) as well as three decent races in Dubai.
There were dead-heats in 1927 and 1961, and the race was run in two divisions in 1939 with the wins going to Gyroscope and Orichalaque.
In 1940 it was staged at Nottingham with Caxton running out the winner. In 1943 and 1944 during World War II there were equivalent races at Ascot and Stockton in addition to Newmarket
There were no races in 1920 or 1942 while in 1986 and 1999, the races won by Dallas and She's Our Mare (see below), the race was transferred to the July Course.
25 Year Ago - A one-two for Steve Norton who trained winner Leysh and runner-up Morwray who dominated the finish down the stand's side. The latter looked to have it won but under strong driving Leysh got back up in the final few strides to win his fourth race of the season by a neck.
10 years ago - Irish-invader She's Our Mare, at 11/1, overcame bad luck in running to win in the hands of Frankie Norton on the July Course. Tony Martin's dual-purpose daughter of Commanche Run, who had won the Swinton Hurdle at Haydock five months earlier, found her way blocked entering the final furlong. But once she found racing room she zoomed home to deprive favourite Bomb Alaska in the last few strides with Shadoof and Grinkov coming home third and fourth. All of Newmarket's fixtures were held on the July course that season while the Millennium Grandstand was being constructed. As a result the Cambridgeshire was a furlong longer than usual with each extra yard being simultaneously relished by She's Our Mare while sticking in the craw of favourite backers.
Five years ago - Spanish Don became the second 100/1 winner of the Cambridgeshire after Pullover in 1932. David Elsworth's charge ran on resolutely to just pip Take A Bow on the line. The official margin was a neck with a further length-and-a-quarter back to Fine Silver. Pedrillo, sent off market leader at 7/2, never settled and found nothing in the latter stages trailing in 22nd of the 32 runners. Dumaran reared at the start and after hitting his head on the superstructure took no further part. Spanish Don followed up in the Listed Jane Seymour Stakes three weeks later.
Last Year - A rewarding change of mount for Richard Hills who partnered the John Gosden-trained Tazeez to a 25/1 triumph. Hills had originally been due to partner Mutajarred but once it was decided the ground would be too fast for him Hills, as retained jockey to Hamdan Al Maktoum, switched to Tazeez. Outsider Nanton, at 66-1, made a bold bid from the front but was gradually reeled in with Tazeez eventually prevailing by a length with 7-1 favourite Swop running on well to grab third. Tazeez added to that victory with a win in the Group 3 Earl of Sefton Stakes on his seasonal debut in April this year.
The Wizard of Notts recommends - Who will win the Acomb Stakes on the first day of the Ebor Fesitval at York?
The Grey Gatsby, a lovely looking horse with a growing fan club, bids to land the Acomb Stakes on the first day of the Ebor Festival at York. Dangers include Brazos, who may be the value each way in the race, and First Flight, the unbeaten Godolphin colt (fancied by Mary Ann, the Wizard's Familiar). The Wizard is going for Il Paparazzi (nap) who displayed boundless potential second time out and could hack up here at 9/1.
One of the world's premier racecourses, this festival will be attended by a minimim of 30,000 people per day culminating in Europe's richest long distance handicap on Saturday.
http://www.sportinglife.com/racing/news/article/465/8879569/gatsby-looks-great-at-york
Stirring The Wizard's Cauldron: Are you a DINOSAUR?
The Wizard's Cauldron: Are you a DINOSAUR?: WARNING: This quiz contains adult language for dramatic effect. Please shut down it this offends. _______________________________________
...
Tuesday, 20 August 2013
_______________________________________________________________
So.
Are you a dinosaur? Someone just dug up from the ground? Someone the world has left behind? Someone on the verge of extinction?
Do you have the potential to be a sixty year old football hooligan?
Or are you too cool for school, a New Man who knows his onions from his chives, his Armani from his Aquascutum, his Jake Bugg from his James Blunt.
Take this easy multiple choice test to find out. Print off the sheet and circle the answer which most suits your attitude. The answers are at the bottom.
Have you ever listened to a Coldplay record all the way through?
a) Yes. I really like Coldplay. They speak to me about issues affecting my generation and they’ve got some awesome melodies.
b) I listen to Coldplay parties and wedding, yeh.
c) I’d rather drink my own irradiated piss than listen to that whining public school prick.
d) Who are Coldplay?
What is your opinion of the Police?
a) I’m glad the Police are there. They protect us from crime and look after our safety. I think we have the best Police in the world and I’m proud of them. Yeah! Go Team!
b) They didn’t help me when I got burgled. But they’re alright in riots.
c) Are you trying to p**s me off or what?
d) I like Roxanne. Its got a really catchy beat. “Roxanne, Roxanne…you don;t have to turn on the red light...”
Have you ever seen a tribute band?
a) Often. I love live music and its nice to see talented musicians keeping alive the traditions. Tribute bands reach out to the fans of the past. It’s also brilliant that my parent’s generation get to see the music of their childhood played live. It must bring back some serious emotion, yeh.
b) If my mate gets me a ticket. And sometimes in the pub if I'm in there.
c) I’d stab my eyes out with a smallpox-tinctured screwdriver rather than see a Tribute band.
d) You mean, like One Direction? The wife and I like them. Especially Marvin.
Would you spend Saturday cooking a five course meal for your work friends, using a cookbook prepared by Jamie Oliver or another top TV chef?
a) Definitely. I love cooking. I’ve been cooking since Uni and I can think of nothing better than a meal with friends on Saturday night. It relaxes me. I give my partner the night off and from the moment I visit Waitrose at ten in the morning, I’m in my element. Pass the extra virgin, Tasha!
b) Sometimes. Sunday roast. But not anything Spanish.
c) I’ve not cooked more than a slice of toast since I was nine, marra, and I don’t intend to start now. Men don’t cook. Phyllis? Is my tea ready or f**king what! This knobhead with the questions is getting on my t*ts.
d) Who is Jamie Oliver?
What is the most you have ever spent on a haircut?
a) Oh, I generally spend ten to twenty percent of my disposable income on clothes and haircuts. I like looking good. I once spent thirty seven quid on a just-out-of-bed haircut once and it looked great. My mates at the wine bar thought I looked a bit like Niall out of One Direction. Haha. Awesome! Worth every penny. And I got to play on a Playstation while I waited.
b) A tenner, just before a wedding. That was a couple of weeks ago, actually. At Peppers.
c) Thirty seven quid? Your man must be totally barking.
d) My wife cuts mine in the kitchen with Ronco clippers. Had them years. Got them off the telly.
What’s your opinion of the English Premier League and the influx of foreign players?
a) I think it’s amazing. I love meeting mates on Sunday afternoon at The Approach for a pint and some mixed nuts. Chatting about stuff while Skys on. I’m a mad Man United fan and they’re always playing so I don’t have to fork out megadollars to see them! Haha. All the analysis and the great music at half time too. Sky saved football if you ask me.
b) I wish they’d have a quota system, say six English players in the first team. Protect the National squad. Otherwise its alright.
c) Bunch of plastic c**ts. I’ve never seen an EPL match all the way through and hope every one of the owners, players and fans die a slow and painful death. And anyone who watches it on telly. I’m off to Edgeley Park.
d) Is that ice hockey?
Do you read fiction?
a) Not really no, but, hey, I've got my X-Box and they’ve developed some awesome reality games that stir the imagination. I've not read for years, actually. I once read a Harry Potter, but I can’t remember which one. Is it necessary to read nowadays – now, we’ve got X-Box, IMAX and big screens? I’m not sure it is. Sorry, oldies!
b) On the beach. I like that James Patterson. He’s mint.
c) All the time. I’ve always got a book on. I can’t understand people who don’t read. I guess its because people nowadays are all thick. I blame A-level grade Inflation.
d) Readers Digest? Will that do?
What do you think of the Fifty Shades of Grey Phenomenon?
a) Well, aside from complaints about the quality of the writing – I’m told it’s pretty poor – I think the franchise emancipates women and helps those with latent queries about their sexuality express their innermost desires. Well done you, EL James for that!
b) It kept the missus quiet at night, so yeh, its alright. I prefer me Andy McNab though.
Christian Grey - EL James' billionaire sex God - today
wearing a pork pie hat.
c) A woman writes this stuff and its erotica. A bloke writes this and its porn. It’s a double standard. And women read it on the BUS? Next time I get the 27 to Carlton, I’ll pull out a copy of Razzle and see what the woman next to me thinks to that f**ker.
d) Er, I must have missed that. Is it about horses. It sounds like it’s about horses. Is it that Desert Orchid? I love Dessie.
The brilliant Desert Orchid wins the 1989 CheltenhamGold Cup from John Edward's Yahoo. Dessie detestedCheltenham, which makes this one of the greatestequine feats ever.
Do you think we should retain the Welfare State in its present form?
a) No. Too many people don’t stand on their own two feet. There are loads of jobs out there. I work in a call centre and we’re always advertising. The unemployed cause many of their own problems and I don’t feel I should pay for them to sit at home all day and smoke drugs and watch Jeremy Kyle. Roll it back, I say!
b) It’s pretty good if you lose your job. So yeh, keep it.
c) Definitely. I’ve been unemployed loads and they’ve always looked after me. Why should the rich get all the benefits of living in this country? Share it out.
d) Oh dear. Are they getting rid of the welfare state? These Tories really are a nasty lot, aren’t they!
One of the most evil men ever - Tory welfare cutthroat, psychopath
and killer of people facing disability, Ian Duncan SmithDo you drink at Wetherspoons?
a) I wouldn’t drink in Wetherspoons, actually. Sorry. Full of unemployed old men and football hooligans and it takes ages to be served. Stinky too, some of the pubs. I like Tantra, because it’s, well, cool. And it serves two for one cocktails after work. Amazing...
b) If it’s the closest pub, I’ll drink there. I’m not arsed about it. It’s just a name.
c) I LOVE Wetherspoons. Love it. Cheap beer, no crappy Rap music on the jukebox, blokes you can have a chat to, clean, tidy and steak and a pint for six quid. The saviour of the British pub, is JD. What’s not to like, mate.
d) I enjoy a night at the pictures. I’m off to see that new Clint Eastwood film next week with the wife.
A psychologist acquaintance of yours expresses the opinion that all human beings are fundamentally bisexual. He then confirms he means you too. How do you respond.
a) I wouldn’t mind. I’m open to conversation about my sexuality and I have plenty of gay friends too. I’ve often thought I might be bisexual. I mean, don’t YOU fancy George Clooney! Hahaha. He’s very handsome.
b) I’d think he was a bit off, but he’s only doing his job, isn’t he.
c) I’d f**king smash his face in, the cheeky c**t. You really are trying to piss me off today, mate.
d) I agree with him. I’m always out cycling. Ooh, it’s one of life’s great pleasures.
Bromance time - with George Clooney
What’s your favourite song of all time?
a) It has to be Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. OMG, that makes me cry and seeing them at Glastonbury was one of the highlights of my life. Thanks for asking this question. It’s amazing.
b) Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. It’s still the best.
c) Stranglers. No More Heroes. I mean, there aren’t any nowadays, are there? All the heroes are dead.
d) New York, New York, by Frank Sinatra. My wedding song. They were the days.
The most listened to record of the "noughties", the piles-inducing"Chasing Cars" by Cold Patrol
Finally, summing up. Things were much better in olden times. Do you agree with this statement?
a) Of course not. My parents and grandparents were racist, sexist, homophobic and virtually destroyed the planet. They betrayed us and were always having wars. It’s much better nowadays. Nicer. Much cleaner too. People change their underwear more often today. And nowadays, you’ve got Xbox One and Playstation 4. What did oldies do with their spare time?
b) I can never make up my mind about this. I’ll have to think about it.
c) Are you kidding? If I could top mesen and come back in nineteen sixty eight, I’d have the noisy end of a revolver in my gob faster than you can say Noddy Holder and no mistake.
d) I quite liked going on holiday to Butlins. In Filey, especially. Is it still open?
Er, obviously not
Done that? Good.
So are you a dinosaur?
Consult our handy ready reckoner for the answer.
Mostly a’s.
Er, no. You’re the least prehistoric person on the planet. I bow to you. Invite me and Toby round to dinner. You’re bound to be great company and we can listen to Coldplay and Snow Patrol and modern noughties classics. I quite like Fettucini by the way. But nothing green. Food issues, possibly due to adverse shock schedule classical conditioning.
You are Transmetropolitan and the world is yours.
Mostly b’s.
Good lord. Sensible, aren’t we. You may just be the most sensible human being alive.
You are Balanced and the world could be yours, if you were a bit more decisive.
Mostly d’s
Gosh, Mr D. Get a grip! Don’t be so scared of the modern world! I mean, come on! Stop hiding your head under a cushion and pretending its not happening. Read a newspaper. Watch the telly. Go on your Amstrad and find a political blog to follow. Force yourself. Throw your crappy record collection away.
The world has moved on from U2’s Greatest Hits.
And Reader’s Digest? Oh man…someone buy this bloke a subscription to Granta!
You sir, are a great big Brontosaurus.
And you.
Yes you, with all the c’s.
Damn, it must be frustrating. All that anger at the way the country has changed. All that pent up fury.
You, sir, are The Unwanted.
Sorry about that. Anyway, see you down a match on Saturday (except EPL, obviously.)
Oh, and have you read these yet? Might make you feel better...
Paperback: £7.99/$8.99
Ultra Violence Second Edition UK Paperback
Ultra Violence Second Edition US Paperback
E-book £1.02/$1.58
Ultra Violence Second Edition Kindle UK
Ultra Violence Second Edition Kindle US
Violent Disorder £6.99
Buy Violent Disorder here on Kindle
Violent Disorder Kindle UK £1.99
Violent Disorder (US) $3.08
...
Tuesday, 20 August 2013
_______________________________________________________________
So.
Are you a dinosaur? Someone just dug up from the ground? Someone the world has left behind? Someone on the verge of extinction?
Do you have the potential to be a sixty year old football hooligan?
Or are you too cool for school, a New Man who knows his onions from his chives, his Armani from his Aquascutum, his Jake Bugg from his James Blunt.
Take this easy multiple choice test to find out. Print off the sheet and circle the answer which most suits your attitude. The answers are at the bottom.
Have you ever listened to a Coldplay record all the way through?
a) Yes. I really like Coldplay. They speak to me about issues affecting my generation and they’ve got some awesome melodies.
b) I listen to Coldplay parties and wedding, yeh.
c) I’d rather drink my own irradiated piss than listen to that whining public school prick.
d) Who are Coldplay?
What is your opinion of the Police?
a) I’m glad the Police are there. They protect us from crime and look after our safety. I think we have the best Police in the world and I’m proud of them. Yeah! Go Team!
b) They didn’t help me when I got burgled. But they’re alright in riots.
c) Are you trying to p**s me off or what?
d) I like Roxanne. Its got a really catchy beat. “Roxanne, Roxanne…you don;t have to turn on the red light...”
Have you ever seen a tribute band?
a) Often. I love live music and its nice to see talented musicians keeping alive the traditions. Tribute bands reach out to the fans of the past. It’s also brilliant that my parent’s generation get to see the music of their childhood played live. It must bring back some serious emotion, yeh.
b) If my mate gets me a ticket. And sometimes in the pub if I'm in there.
c) I’d stab my eyes out with a smallpox-tinctured screwdriver rather than see a Tribute band.
d) You mean, like One Direction? The wife and I like them. Especially Marvin.
Would you spend Saturday cooking a five course meal for your work friends, using a cookbook prepared by Jamie Oliver or another top TV chef?
a) Definitely. I love cooking. I’ve been cooking since Uni and I can think of nothing better than a meal with friends on Saturday night. It relaxes me. I give my partner the night off and from the moment I visit Waitrose at ten in the morning, I’m in my element. Pass the extra virgin, Tasha!
b) Sometimes. Sunday roast. But not anything Spanish.
c) I’ve not cooked more than a slice of toast since I was nine, marra, and I don’t intend to start now. Men don’t cook. Phyllis? Is my tea ready or f**king what! This knobhead with the questions is getting on my t*ts.
d) Who is Jamie Oliver?
What is the most you have ever spent on a haircut?
a) Oh, I generally spend ten to twenty percent of my disposable income on clothes and haircuts. I like looking good. I once spent thirty seven quid on a just-out-of-bed haircut once and it looked great. My mates at the wine bar thought I looked a bit like Niall out of One Direction. Haha. Awesome! Worth every penny. And I got to play on a Playstation while I waited.
b) A tenner, just before a wedding. That was a couple of weeks ago, actually. At Peppers.
c) Thirty seven quid? Your man must be totally barking.
d) My wife cuts mine in the kitchen with Ronco clippers. Had them years. Got them off the telly.
What’s your opinion of the English Premier League and the influx of foreign players?
a) I think it’s amazing. I love meeting mates on Sunday afternoon at The Approach for a pint and some mixed nuts. Chatting about stuff while Skys on. I’m a mad Man United fan and they’re always playing so I don’t have to fork out megadollars to see them! Haha. All the analysis and the great music at half time too. Sky saved football if you ask me.
b) I wish they’d have a quota system, say six English players in the first team. Protect the National squad. Otherwise its alright.
c) Bunch of plastic c**ts. I’ve never seen an EPL match all the way through and hope every one of the owners, players and fans die a slow and painful death. And anyone who watches it on telly. I’m off to Edgeley Park.
d) Is that ice hockey?
Do you read fiction?
a) Not really no, but, hey, I've got my X-Box and they’ve developed some awesome reality games that stir the imagination. I've not read for years, actually. I once read a Harry Potter, but I can’t remember which one. Is it necessary to read nowadays – now, we’ve got X-Box, IMAX and big screens? I’m not sure it is. Sorry, oldies!
b) On the beach. I like that James Patterson. He’s mint.
c) All the time. I’ve always got a book on. I can’t understand people who don’t read. I guess its because people nowadays are all thick. I blame A-level grade Inflation.
d) Readers Digest? Will that do?
What do you think of the Fifty Shades of Grey Phenomenon?
a) Well, aside from complaints about the quality of the writing – I’m told it’s pretty poor – I think the franchise emancipates women and helps those with latent queries about their sexuality express their innermost desires. Well done you, EL James for that!
b) It kept the missus quiet at night, so yeh, its alright. I prefer me Andy McNab though.
Christian Grey - EL James' billionaire sex God - todaywearing a pork pie hat.
c) A woman writes this stuff and its erotica. A bloke writes this and its porn. It’s a double standard. And women read it on the BUS? Next time I get the 27 to Carlton, I’ll pull out a copy of Razzle and see what the woman next to me thinks to that f**ker.
d) Er, I must have missed that. Is it about horses. It sounds like it’s about horses. Is it that Desert Orchid? I love Dessie.
The brilliant Desert Orchid wins the 1989 CheltenhamGold Cup from John Edward's Yahoo. Dessie detestedCheltenham, which makes this one of the greatestequine feats ever.
Do you think we should retain the Welfare State in its present form?
a) No. Too many people don’t stand on their own two feet. There are loads of jobs out there. I work in a call centre and we’re always advertising. The unemployed cause many of their own problems and I don’t feel I should pay for them to sit at home all day and smoke drugs and watch Jeremy Kyle. Roll it back, I say!
b) It’s pretty good if you lose your job. So yeh, keep it.
c) Definitely. I’ve been unemployed loads and they’ve always looked after me. Why should the rich get all the benefits of living in this country? Share it out.
d) Oh dear. Are they getting rid of the welfare state? These Tories really are a nasty lot, aren’t they!
One of the most evil men ever - Tory welfare cutthroat, psychopathand killer of people facing disability, Ian Duncan SmithDo you drink at Wetherspoons?
a) I wouldn’t drink in Wetherspoons, actually. Sorry. Full of unemployed old men and football hooligans and it takes ages to be served. Stinky too, some of the pubs. I like Tantra, because it’s, well, cool. And it serves two for one cocktails after work. Amazing...
b) If it’s the closest pub, I’ll drink there. I’m not arsed about it. It’s just a name.
c) I LOVE Wetherspoons. Love it. Cheap beer, no crappy Rap music on the jukebox, blokes you can have a chat to, clean, tidy and steak and a pint for six quid. The saviour of the British pub, is JD. What’s not to like, mate.
d) I enjoy a night at the pictures. I’m off to see that new Clint Eastwood film next week with the wife.
A psychologist acquaintance of yours expresses the opinion that all human beings are fundamentally bisexual. He then confirms he means you too. How do you respond.
a) I wouldn’t mind. I’m open to conversation about my sexuality and I have plenty of gay friends too. I’ve often thought I might be bisexual. I mean, don’t YOU fancy George Clooney! Hahaha. He’s very handsome.
b) I’d think he was a bit off, but he’s only doing his job, isn’t he.
c) I’d f**king smash his face in, the cheeky c**t. You really are trying to piss me off today, mate.
d) I agree with him. I’m always out cycling. Ooh, it’s one of life’s great pleasures.
Bromance time - with George ClooneyWhat’s your favourite song of all time?
a) It has to be Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. OMG, that makes me cry and seeing them at Glastonbury was one of the highlights of my life. Thanks for asking this question. It’s amazing.
b) Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. It’s still the best.
c) Stranglers. No More Heroes. I mean, there aren’t any nowadays, are there? All the heroes are dead.
d) New York, New York, by Frank Sinatra. My wedding song. They were the days.
The most listened to record of the "noughties", the piles-inducing"Chasing Cars" by Cold Patrol
Finally, summing up. Things were much better in olden times. Do you agree with this statement?
a) Of course not. My parents and grandparents were racist, sexist, homophobic and virtually destroyed the planet. They betrayed us and were always having wars. It’s much better nowadays. Nicer. Much cleaner too. People change their underwear more often today. And nowadays, you’ve got Xbox One and Playstation 4. What did oldies do with their spare time?
b) I can never make up my mind about this. I’ll have to think about it.
c) Are you kidding? If I could top mesen and come back in nineteen sixty eight, I’d have the noisy end of a revolver in my gob faster than you can say Noddy Holder and no mistake.
d) I quite liked going on holiday to Butlins. In Filey, especially. Is it still open?
Er, obviously not
Done that? Good.
So are you a dinosaur?
Consult our handy ready reckoner for the answer.
Mostly a’s.
Er, no. You’re the least prehistoric person on the planet. I bow to you. Invite me and Toby round to dinner. You’re bound to be great company and we can listen to Coldplay and Snow Patrol and modern noughties classics. I quite like Fettucini by the way. But nothing green. Food issues, possibly due to adverse shock schedule classical conditioning.
You are Transmetropolitan and the world is yours.
Mostly b’s.
Good lord. Sensible, aren’t we. You may just be the most sensible human being alive.
You are Balanced and the world could be yours, if you were a bit more decisive.
Mostly d’s
Gosh, Mr D. Get a grip! Don’t be so scared of the modern world! I mean, come on! Stop hiding your head under a cushion and pretending its not happening. Read a newspaper. Watch the telly. Go on your Amstrad and find a political blog to follow. Force yourself. Throw your crappy record collection away.
The world has moved on from U2’s Greatest Hits.
And Reader’s Digest? Oh man…someone buy this bloke a subscription to Granta!
You sir, are a great big Brontosaurus.
And you.
Yes you, with all the c’s.
Damn, it must be frustrating. All that anger at the way the country has changed. All that pent up fury.
You, sir, are The Unwanted.
Sorry about that. Anyway, see you down a match on Saturday (except EPL, obviously.)
Oh, and have you read these yet? Might make you feel better...
Paperback: £7.99/$8.99
Ultra Violence Second Edition UK Paperback
Ultra Violence Second Edition US Paperback
E-book £1.02/$1.58
Ultra Violence Second Edition Kindle UK
Ultra Violence Second Edition Kindle US
Violent Disorder £6.99
Buy Violent Disorder here on Kindle
Violent Disorder Kindle UK £1.99
Violent Disorder (US) $3.08
Goodreads Contest - Hard as Roxx by Bill Jones, Jr. Enter to win a print copy
[image error]
Bill Jones10:19pm Aug 19 For anyone who might want a paperback copy of Hard as Roxx, I'm giving away a few copies on Goodreads. You may want to enter.
http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/62612-hard-as-roxx
http://thisblogblank.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/hard-as-roxx-giveaway/
Hard as Roxx GiveawayPosted on 20 August 2013 by Bill Jones, Jr. — 2 Comments ↓
Reblogged from Hard as Roxx:
We will be giving away 3 copies of Hard as Roxx in paperback on 15 September 2013, to persons in the U.S. (There may be non-US giveaways at some point in the future, but we're USA only to start.)
Drop by Goodreads at this link or the picture below to enter the drawing!
Goodreads Book Giveaway
Hard as Roxxby…
Read more… 16 more wordsHey! If you win a book, and buy me a plane ticket, I'll come sign it for you in person, and give you a hug or a handshake. Or, I guess I could just sign it before I send it. First way is better, though.
About Bill Jones, Jr.Writer, poet, photographer, philosopher, father, life coach, people watcher, grammar guerrilla. Check out my writing and/or photography blogs.
http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/62612-hard-as-roxx
http://thisblogblank.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/hard-as-roxx-giveaway/
Hard as Roxx GiveawayPosted on 20 August 2013 by Bill Jones, Jr. — 2 Comments ↓
Reblogged from Hard as Roxx:
We will be giving away 3 copies of Hard as Roxx in paperback on 15 September 2013, to persons in the U.S. (There may be non-US giveaways at some point in the future, but we're USA only to start.)Drop by Goodreads at this link or the picture below to enter the drawing!
Goodreads Book Giveaway
Hard as Roxxby…
Read more… 16 more wordsHey! If you win a book, and buy me a plane ticket, I'll come sign it for you in person, and give you a hug or a handshake. Or, I guess I could just sign it before I send it. First way is better, though.
About Bill Jones, Jr.Writer, poet, photographer, philosopher, father, life coach, people watcher, grammar guerrilla. Check out my writing and/or photography blogs.
Star Trek Universe - Ultra Violence and Violent Disorder by Mark Barry now available at Quark's Bazaar
Interstellar Sales
Ultra Violence
Forty. Receding pate. Loose teeth. Failing marriage. Delinquent, uncaring son. Psycho boss parachuted in to cut the big earners.
A few lost marbles…
It wasn’t always like this. He used to be a Face. A Player. A Terrace Celebrity. Now he’s just another faceless nobody on the brink of despair in a world he no longer recognises.
Yet, one freezing winter’s day, a chance meeting with a face from the old days at Notts County changes everything.
Especially when there’s an intriguing proposition on the table. One he may find difficult to refuse.
______________________________
Ultra Violence is the thrilling, humourous, nihilistic and sometimes moving story, told partially in flashback, of one man’s journey from idealistic young fan to major football hooligan set against the shadow of a grim and soulless middle age in the bustling English city of Nottingham.
Violent Disorder
Let's Have it
The tall one advances toward me, grinning, all denim jacket and faded jeans.
He wants it, I can tell.
This knowledge makes me content. It fills me with calm. Equilibrium.
As he approaches, a sense of certainty descends that this upcoming scenario is somehow, meant to be.
There is a mutual acceptance.
A tacit agreement that extreme violence is about to take place, that punches will be thrown, that blood will be spilled, and that one of us is going to be hurt, possibly quite badly.
Maybe very badly, indeed.
The Bully Brothers.
Forty-something football hooligans determined to go straight.
A young Internet writer charts their progress to becoming good citizens amidst the absolute economic chaos that is the UK. Food shortages. Zero hour contracts. Dangerous packs of homeless roaming the streets. Cancer victims forced to work for dole. Panicked offspring poisoning elderly parents to avoid spiralling care costs.
Twenty quid for the flicks, three fifty a pint, and eight quid a packet of fags.
You don’t know whether to wear a parka to go shopping or slap on sun block.
The writer takes their confession. Old war stories. Terrace myths and fables. Sins of Ultra Violence two decades old carried out on train stations, motorway services, and the High Streets of towns like Hounslow, Rotherham and Peterborough.
Will they succeed in going straight? Can they resist the carnage planned for the last match of the season against Coventry?
Or will they drag the young writer down with them.
Violent Disorder is the much-anticipated sequel to Green Wizard’s best-selling Ultra Violence. This book - written for adults - contains scenes of threat, opinions likely to offend, earthy dialogue, incessant foul language and relentless, sometimes extreme, scenes of urban violence.
Shipping throughout the Universe
Amazon UKhttp://www.amazon.co.uk/Mark-Barry/e/...
Amazon UShttp://www.amazon.com/Mark-Barry/e/B0...
Ultra Violence
Forty. Receding pate. Loose teeth. Failing marriage. Delinquent, uncaring son. Psycho boss parachuted in to cut the big earners.
A few lost marbles…
It wasn’t always like this. He used to be a Face. A Player. A Terrace Celebrity. Now he’s just another faceless nobody on the brink of despair in a world he no longer recognises.
Yet, one freezing winter’s day, a chance meeting with a face from the old days at Notts County changes everything.
Especially when there’s an intriguing proposition on the table. One he may find difficult to refuse.
______________________________
Ultra Violence is the thrilling, humourous, nihilistic and sometimes moving story, told partially in flashback, of one man’s journey from idealistic young fan to major football hooligan set against the shadow of a grim and soulless middle age in the bustling English city of Nottingham.
Violent Disorder
Let's Have it
The tall one advances toward me, grinning, all denim jacket and faded jeans.
He wants it, I can tell.
This knowledge makes me content. It fills me with calm. Equilibrium.
As he approaches, a sense of certainty descends that this upcoming scenario is somehow, meant to be.
There is a mutual acceptance.
A tacit agreement that extreme violence is about to take place, that punches will be thrown, that blood will be spilled, and that one of us is going to be hurt, possibly quite badly.
Maybe very badly, indeed.
The Bully Brothers.
Forty-something football hooligans determined to go straight.
A young Internet writer charts their progress to becoming good citizens amidst the absolute economic chaos that is the UK. Food shortages. Zero hour contracts. Dangerous packs of homeless roaming the streets. Cancer victims forced to work for dole. Panicked offspring poisoning elderly parents to avoid spiralling care costs.
Twenty quid for the flicks, three fifty a pint, and eight quid a packet of fags.
You don’t know whether to wear a parka to go shopping or slap on sun block.
The writer takes their confession. Old war stories. Terrace myths and fables. Sins of Ultra Violence two decades old carried out on train stations, motorway services, and the High Streets of towns like Hounslow, Rotherham and Peterborough.
Will they succeed in going straight? Can they resist the carnage planned for the last match of the season against Coventry?
Or will they drag the young writer down with them.
Violent Disorder is the much-anticipated sequel to Green Wizard’s best-selling Ultra Violence. This book - written for adults - contains scenes of threat, opinions likely to offend, earthy dialogue, incessant foul language and relentless, sometimes extreme, scenes of urban violence.
Shipping throughout the Universe
Amazon UKhttp://www.amazon.co.uk/Mark-Barry/e/...
Amazon UShttp://www.amazon.com/Mark-Barry/e/B0...
History Trivia - Henry I defeats Louis VI at the Battle of Brémule
August 20, 1119 Henry I defeated an invasion of his Norman lands by Louis VI (the Fat), King of France, at the Battle of Brémule. The defeat effectively crippled the baron's rebellion and led to King Louis having to accept William Adelin as Duke of Normandy. William was officially invested with the duchy in 1120, even though King Louis continued to support William Clito's claim to the honour. The contemporary Norman historian Orderic Vitalis noted that the quality of their armour and the chivalrous preference for capturing (and presumably ransoming) the enemy meant that of the 900 knights engaged in ‘the battle of the two kings’ only three were killed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQtjuH...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQtjuH...
The Phil Naessens Show 8-20-2013 What Makes a Great NBA Coach?
http://phillipnaessens.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/the-phil-naessens-show-8-20-2013-what-makes-a-great-nba-coach/
The Cincinnati Reds are surging, Pittsburgh is slumping and the Cardinals are holding their own in the NL Central Division. Joining host Phil Naessens to discuss these topics is Red Reporter managing Editor Brandon Kraeling followed by a great discussion on what makes players coach-able, what coaches build and much more with Welcome to Loud City Managing Editor J.A. Sherman on today’s Phil Naessens Show!
The Cincinnati Reds are surging, Pittsburgh is slumping and the Cardinals are holding their own in the NL Central Division. Joining host Phil Naessens to discuss these topics is Red Reporter managing Editor Brandon Kraeling followed by a great discussion on what makes players coach-able, what coaches build and much more with Welcome to Loud City Managing Editor J.A. Sherman on today’s Phil Naessens Show!
August 19, 2013
Green Wizard News - Ultra Violence, Second Edition, by Mark Barry, BOOK LAUNCH
http://greenwizardcarla.blogspot.com/2013/08/ultra-violence-second-edition-is-out.html?showComment=1376918383277#c3765384851127774944
Green Wizard News
Latest news from Nottingham's up and coming new publisher
Monday, 19 August 2013
Ultra Violence - Cover
It has a much improved cover, designed by GW interior designers and created by Dawn at Dark Dawn Creations.
There is a symmetrical Yin/Yang to the cover of the sequel which unifies the whole. There won't be another book in this series so this process symbolises the completion in another fashion.
New UV cover.
BBVD cover
Ultra Violence - Interior
The interior font - a simple Times New Roman 10.5 - has been reduced in size from the unwieldy original. Like the seventies books on which the entire Green Wizard idea is based, rather than the hefty sized first edition, it's now fashionably slimmer than a heroin addicted skinhead in skinny jeans. It is also printed on sumptuous cream paper.
Ultra Violence - Text
There have been minor alterations to the text - nothing major - just the erasure of repetitions, spelling mistakes and grammatical clunkiness. Some words have been replaced and some sentences (bad ones) have been completely removed. The book has had a general polish.
Ultra Violence - Versions and Sales
On advice from my editor, the Kindle version of UV remains at around one pound/one dollar on Amazon, but you know as well as I do that the paperback is a souvenir/birthday/Christmas gift/keepsake opportunity.
If you are one of those trendy people and like your e-books, you can also download this onto your phone or onto a virtual PC based Kindle for a quid.
Buy here at the Green Wizard Magic Blog Shop.
Paperback: £7.99/$8.99
Ultra Violence Second Edition UK Paperback
Ultra Violence Second Edition US Paperback
E-book £1.02/$1.58
Ultra Violence Second Edition Kindle UK
Ultra Violence Second Edition Kindle US
Ultra Violence - Extract
Here's an extract in case you haven't bought the book yet in either edition.
*Warning: Contains Adult Language. Please do not read if offended by this.
Here, Beanie, the unemployed and drunken gambler who is trying to set up the major fight on which the book is based, drunkenly attempts to explain to the skeptical narrator why he should join in after years of abstinence.
Incidentally, for the benefit of Nottingham residents, the gang is drinking outside the Cross Keys one Saturday night after the football in early April 2011.
___________________________
You ever had a look at this place?What, the tram?No, Nottingham. Tahn. Ey a look.
You don’t need to look. You know these streets intimately. You see the regenerated Lace Market. The Contemporary Art Museum, which had so recently displayed Hockney and a retrospective of the Pre-Raphaelites. The Pitcher and Piano pub-in-a-church. You see the tram and the rejuvenated bars with trendy names like Ha Ha on the other side of the tramlines, which stretch all the way up to Hockley, full of happy revellers.
I work here, you say.I know you do, wankstain. Have you ever had a look, I mean. A real good gander at the state we live in. Look behind the money, youth. Look behind the obvious.Sometimes, you reply. Not often.
He’s starting to slur his words. Beanie was never like this when we were younger. Something is definitely getting under his skin. You’ve noticed in the pub, lately. Maybe it’s being out of work. You’ve always been a good listener. You carry on listening, even though you’d rather be talking about something else, and listening to the Snow Patrol track coming from inside the Keys.
Beanie points in the general direction of the Nottingham Arena. He drains his bottle of WKD and walks to the window, taps on it. Little Dave nods and goes to the bar for another.All these fellas in Keys. I love em. I do. They live for Notts, and so do I, but what’s the point? What’s the difference between us and someone who goes Ice Skating down there? Nowt. There IS no fucking difference. Planting bulbs. Mowing lawn. Skating a pirouette. Going to flicks. Watching Notts. None of it means fuck all. At least with scrapping, there was a point to it.Was there? You say, not convinced. A point?Yes, there was bollocks. Hooliganism, that wasn’t just a hobby, a pastime, it was a way of life! Men need a hobby to take their minds of the mundanimity* of existence, I’m not telling you owt you don’t know there, being an intelligent man and a bloke to boot, but it takes a rare bird to follow something as a way of life, a culture. It takes bottle to pack it all in to enrol at a Shaolin temple, or sail to Africa to help starving Somalis in camps a hundred thousand strong. It takes real moxeh to stop the Japs butchering every whale in the Antarctic by getting in the road of the whaling ships on a Greenpeace boat. Handing over all your worldly goods to chariteh and go wandering the world, throwing yourself in front of some rain forest destroying bulldozer in Brazil. Helping resurrect the North American Bison that we wiped out in first place. That’s bottle. God, I wish I ed the bottle to do sumut like that.
He winks at you and leans closer, switches topic. Watching football without fighting is like window shopping at Harrods, matey.
Little Dave appears with a luminous bottle of blue WKD. Beanie hugs him. He looks embarrassed.We’re off up The Approach in a bit, Beanie, he says.That’s a proper Forest shithole, that is, Beanie replies, swaying, nearly spilling the drink as he collects it.I don’t make the choices, Little Dave says. See him if you have any complaints - Dave gestures over his shoulder at Haxford, holding court inside.
Beanie laughs and takes a big guzzle. He’s skipping from one topic to another incoherently, expecting you to put the pieces together if there is an end product to this. His rant is sobering you up, and you’re glad about that.
At least, we go to games. Not like them plastic shagnasties who watch Sky Sports and buy Man Utd replica shirts. I watched this documentareh the other day. They were interviewing some Malaysian Manure fans. Out there. In Kuala Lumpur. One of them was complaining about a loss to Norwich, or some muppet Prem team like that, I forget which. He says, ‘it’ll be different when we get them back to our patch!’ I pissed myself laughing. Then I realised there are people in this countreh who have never seen Old Trafford, and yet they support Man Utd! ‘Our patch’. Unbelievable. Un-fuckingbelievable.
I think you’re rambling a bit now, Beanie.It all makes perfect sense to me, mate.What’s your point, then?My point, dear sir, he says drunkenly as he airily gestures to the night sky, is that YOU need to turn up next month.I thought we’d changed the subject, you say.We ALL need to turn up next month because life has no point otherwise, youth. Look at that lot. Look at you. Look at little moi. Look at these posh wankstains with the puff’s cocktails here, he says loudly, gesturing at the trendy students and call centre executives on the Galleria enjoying intelligent conversation in mostly mixed racial and gender-based groups. A young man with a casual just out of bed haircut that probably took him an hour under a hairdryer to achieve turns round and gives Beanie a quizzical look. Then he looks at his drink, which is indeed, a brightly-coloured cocktail full of crushed ice and crimson syrup. The girl he’s with stares at Beanie coldly.
Look at them all, he continues. They go to work. Them that ey jobs, that is. Fuck me, it’s a living hell for those that ain’t. They come home. Eat tea and fall asleep on their favourite armchair. Watch soaps or Strictly Come Dancing. Cooking shows with Jamie Oliver, or Cash in the Attic, or Homes under the Hammer, or Bargain Hunt, or reality shows about American housewives. They lose the inheritance on Internet Poker. Go out and play five-a-side with their fat mates at the Leisure Centre. Chat up old girlfriends on Facebook. Surf the net for photos of insecure teenage birds taking photos of themsens naked in bedroom mirrors. Snack on cupcakes at a quid a pop, or four packs of blueberry muffins until they become a health statistic for the NHS five-a-day fascists. The lucky ones get to shag their wives, those that have em: The really lucky ones might even enjoy it. Every day is the same shit. Every Saturday, they have a lie in. Get hammered round here at night. Hungover, they go for a pint and a game of brag Sunday dinner in the Rose and Crown, and they fall asleep on the sofa while the missus cooks the roast. They sit round with the kids on Sunday night seeing which talent-starved nobodeh is kicked off X-Factor, and they lie in bed weeping like little girls because it’s work tomorrow, and they fucking hate it. Absolutely hate every second of it. The eternal traffic jams, the dull people they have to wok wi, the managers who make them beg for treats like abused dogs in an RSPCA sanctuary, the ever-present threat of redundancy hanging over them like fucking mustard gas. It all kicks off, day in, day out, day in, day out, with the exception of that traumatic fortnight in Benidorm, and even more traumatic week off at Christmas, with kids who once loved you, and now couldn’t give a fuck whether you lived or died.
He gestures grandly and staggers a little. This little scenario, with obvious variations, mate, is repeated a quarter of a million times in Nottingham. And do you know what it is?What?Do you know what it all is?I don’t, Beanie. No, I don’t.A suicide note in daily parts, youth.He points a finger at your heart and taps it lightly with his fingertip. He leans toward you until you can smell his aftershave and see his heavily-lidded eyes up close.
You really need to front the Northerners, buddy. It’ll give your life some purpose.
Green Wizard News
Latest news from Nottingham's up and coming new publisher
Monday, 19 August 2013 Ultra Violence - Cover
It has a much improved cover, designed by GW interior designers and created by Dawn at Dark Dawn Creations.
There is a symmetrical Yin/Yang to the cover of the sequel which unifies the whole. There won't be another book in this series so this process symbolises the completion in another fashion.
New UV cover.
BBVD cover
Ultra Violence - Interior
The interior font - a simple Times New Roman 10.5 - has been reduced in size from the unwieldy original. Like the seventies books on which the entire Green Wizard idea is based, rather than the hefty sized first edition, it's now fashionably slimmer than a heroin addicted skinhead in skinny jeans. It is also printed on sumptuous cream paper.
Ultra Violence - Text
There have been minor alterations to the text - nothing major - just the erasure of repetitions, spelling mistakes and grammatical clunkiness. Some words have been replaced and some sentences (bad ones) have been completely removed. The book has had a general polish.
Ultra Violence - Versions and Sales
On advice from my editor, the Kindle version of UV remains at around one pound/one dollar on Amazon, but you know as well as I do that the paperback is a souvenir/birthday/Christmas gift/keepsake opportunity.
If you are one of those trendy people and like your e-books, you can also download this onto your phone or onto a virtual PC based Kindle for a quid.
Buy here at the Green Wizard Magic Blog Shop.
Paperback: £7.99/$8.99
Ultra Violence Second Edition UK Paperback
Ultra Violence Second Edition US Paperback
E-book £1.02/$1.58
Ultra Violence Second Edition Kindle UK
Ultra Violence Second Edition Kindle US
Ultra Violence - Extract
Here's an extract in case you haven't bought the book yet in either edition.
*Warning: Contains Adult Language. Please do not read if offended by this.
Here, Beanie, the unemployed and drunken gambler who is trying to set up the major fight on which the book is based, drunkenly attempts to explain to the skeptical narrator why he should join in after years of abstinence.
Incidentally, for the benefit of Nottingham residents, the gang is drinking outside the Cross Keys one Saturday night after the football in early April 2011.
___________________________
You ever had a look at this place?What, the tram?No, Nottingham. Tahn. Ey a look.
You don’t need to look. You know these streets intimately. You see the regenerated Lace Market. The Contemporary Art Museum, which had so recently displayed Hockney and a retrospective of the Pre-Raphaelites. The Pitcher and Piano pub-in-a-church. You see the tram and the rejuvenated bars with trendy names like Ha Ha on the other side of the tramlines, which stretch all the way up to Hockley, full of happy revellers.
I work here, you say.I know you do, wankstain. Have you ever had a look, I mean. A real good gander at the state we live in. Look behind the money, youth. Look behind the obvious.Sometimes, you reply. Not often.
He’s starting to slur his words. Beanie was never like this when we were younger. Something is definitely getting under his skin. You’ve noticed in the pub, lately. Maybe it’s being out of work. You’ve always been a good listener. You carry on listening, even though you’d rather be talking about something else, and listening to the Snow Patrol track coming from inside the Keys.
Beanie points in the general direction of the Nottingham Arena. He drains his bottle of WKD and walks to the window, taps on it. Little Dave nods and goes to the bar for another.All these fellas in Keys. I love em. I do. They live for Notts, and so do I, but what’s the point? What’s the difference between us and someone who goes Ice Skating down there? Nowt. There IS no fucking difference. Planting bulbs. Mowing lawn. Skating a pirouette. Going to flicks. Watching Notts. None of it means fuck all. At least with scrapping, there was a point to it.Was there? You say, not convinced. A point?Yes, there was bollocks. Hooliganism, that wasn’t just a hobby, a pastime, it was a way of life! Men need a hobby to take their minds of the mundanimity* of existence, I’m not telling you owt you don’t know there, being an intelligent man and a bloke to boot, but it takes a rare bird to follow something as a way of life, a culture. It takes bottle to pack it all in to enrol at a Shaolin temple, or sail to Africa to help starving Somalis in camps a hundred thousand strong. It takes real moxeh to stop the Japs butchering every whale in the Antarctic by getting in the road of the whaling ships on a Greenpeace boat. Handing over all your worldly goods to chariteh and go wandering the world, throwing yourself in front of some rain forest destroying bulldozer in Brazil. Helping resurrect the North American Bison that we wiped out in first place. That’s bottle. God, I wish I ed the bottle to do sumut like that.
He winks at you and leans closer, switches topic. Watching football without fighting is like window shopping at Harrods, matey.
Little Dave appears with a luminous bottle of blue WKD. Beanie hugs him. He looks embarrassed.We’re off up The Approach in a bit, Beanie, he says.That’s a proper Forest shithole, that is, Beanie replies, swaying, nearly spilling the drink as he collects it.I don’t make the choices, Little Dave says. See him if you have any complaints - Dave gestures over his shoulder at Haxford, holding court inside.
Beanie laughs and takes a big guzzle. He’s skipping from one topic to another incoherently, expecting you to put the pieces together if there is an end product to this. His rant is sobering you up, and you’re glad about that.
At least, we go to games. Not like them plastic shagnasties who watch Sky Sports and buy Man Utd replica shirts. I watched this documentareh the other day. They were interviewing some Malaysian Manure fans. Out there. In Kuala Lumpur. One of them was complaining about a loss to Norwich, or some muppet Prem team like that, I forget which. He says, ‘it’ll be different when we get them back to our patch!’ I pissed myself laughing. Then I realised there are people in this countreh who have never seen Old Trafford, and yet they support Man Utd! ‘Our patch’. Unbelievable. Un-fuckingbelievable.
I think you’re rambling a bit now, Beanie.It all makes perfect sense to me, mate.What’s your point, then?My point, dear sir, he says drunkenly as he airily gestures to the night sky, is that YOU need to turn up next month.I thought we’d changed the subject, you say.We ALL need to turn up next month because life has no point otherwise, youth. Look at that lot. Look at you. Look at little moi. Look at these posh wankstains with the puff’s cocktails here, he says loudly, gesturing at the trendy students and call centre executives on the Galleria enjoying intelligent conversation in mostly mixed racial and gender-based groups. A young man with a casual just out of bed haircut that probably took him an hour under a hairdryer to achieve turns round and gives Beanie a quizzical look. Then he looks at his drink, which is indeed, a brightly-coloured cocktail full of crushed ice and crimson syrup. The girl he’s with stares at Beanie coldly.
Look at them all, he continues. They go to work. Them that ey jobs, that is. Fuck me, it’s a living hell for those that ain’t. They come home. Eat tea and fall asleep on their favourite armchair. Watch soaps or Strictly Come Dancing. Cooking shows with Jamie Oliver, or Cash in the Attic, or Homes under the Hammer, or Bargain Hunt, or reality shows about American housewives. They lose the inheritance on Internet Poker. Go out and play five-a-side with their fat mates at the Leisure Centre. Chat up old girlfriends on Facebook. Surf the net for photos of insecure teenage birds taking photos of themsens naked in bedroom mirrors. Snack on cupcakes at a quid a pop, or four packs of blueberry muffins until they become a health statistic for the NHS five-a-day fascists. The lucky ones get to shag their wives, those that have em: The really lucky ones might even enjoy it. Every day is the same shit. Every Saturday, they have a lie in. Get hammered round here at night. Hungover, they go for a pint and a game of brag Sunday dinner in the Rose and Crown, and they fall asleep on the sofa while the missus cooks the roast. They sit round with the kids on Sunday night seeing which talent-starved nobodeh is kicked off X-Factor, and they lie in bed weeping like little girls because it’s work tomorrow, and they fucking hate it. Absolutely hate every second of it. The eternal traffic jams, the dull people they have to wok wi, the managers who make them beg for treats like abused dogs in an RSPCA sanctuary, the ever-present threat of redundancy hanging over them like fucking mustard gas. It all kicks off, day in, day out, day in, day out, with the exception of that traumatic fortnight in Benidorm, and even more traumatic week off at Christmas, with kids who once loved you, and now couldn’t give a fuck whether you lived or died.
He gestures grandly and staggers a little. This little scenario, with obvious variations, mate, is repeated a quarter of a million times in Nottingham. And do you know what it is?What?Do you know what it all is?I don’t, Beanie. No, I don’t.A suicide note in daily parts, youth.He points a finger at your heart and taps it lightly with his fingertip. He leans toward you until you can smell his aftershave and see his heavily-lidded eyes up close.
You really need to front the Northerners, buddy. It’ll give your life some purpose.
Hard as Roxx by Bill Jones, Jr. - virtual book signing event
http://www.authorgraph.com/authors/billjonesjr
In a world that is a distorted hybrid of rigid control and absolute lawlessness, Roxanne Grail broke a cardinal rule: she got pregnant, for the second time. Now, she and her two daughters need to make it across the Sahara to the frozen European north, and freedom. There are just two problems: one, she doesn’t have a way to get there, and two, the One Child Law doesn’t have a statute of limitations. The penalty for a second birth is death - to the mother and to the child. And her youngest daughter’s father? Well, he just happens to be a war hero and emerging leader of a shaky burgeoning democracy. An illegal child – especially the result of a rape – wouldn’t be good for his career. He means to see that no one ever finds out. Meet Roxx, a 6'3" martial arts instructor with a penchant for twentieth-century tech, including her 1940 Indian motorcycle. The Law says she must surrender her child, or die. Roxx never studied law. So, it is Roxx, her two daughters, and new partner, Trint, against the world. Those odds suit Roxx just fine.
http://www.amazon.com/Hard-Roxx-Bill-Jones-Jr/dp/149212799X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376702073&sr=8-1&keywords=hard+as+roxx
In a world that is a distorted hybrid of rigid control and absolute lawlessness, Roxanne Grail broke a cardinal rule: she got pregnant, for the second time. Now, she and her two daughters need to make it across the Sahara to the frozen European north, and freedom. There are just two problems: one, she doesn’t have a way to get there, and two, the One Child Law doesn’t have a statute of limitations. The penalty for a second birth is death - to the mother and to the child. And her youngest daughter’s father? Well, he just happens to be a war hero and emerging leader of a shaky burgeoning democracy. An illegal child – especially the result of a rape – wouldn’t be good for his career. He means to see that no one ever finds out. Meet Roxx, a 6'3" martial arts instructor with a penchant for twentieth-century tech, including her 1940 Indian motorcycle. The Law says she must surrender her child, or die. Roxx never studied law. So, it is Roxx, her two daughters, and new partner, Trint, against the world. Those odds suit Roxx just fine.http://www.amazon.com/Hard-Roxx-Bill-Jones-Jr/dp/149212799X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376702073&sr=8-1&keywords=hard+as+roxx
