Atlantic Monthly Contributors's Blog, page 956

Obama Closes Gun-Buying Loopholes with Executive Action

The Obama administration is using executive authority to close two gun-buying loopholes, a narrower version of the post-Newtown gun legislation that fell apart in the Senate four months ago. The new rules — one concerning background checks, the other the reimportation of weapons — could reduce the number of gun purchases a year by 70,000.

"It's simple, it's straightforward, it's common sense," Vice President Joe Biden said today from the White House. The executive action will only apply to relatively few gun purchases, though. The first loophole closed by Obama was used 39,000 times last year and allowed weapon purchasers to avoid background checks by registering a gun to a corporation or trust. With the second loophole, American military weapons were sold to allies and then re-imported back into the U.S. and sold through private groups. That loophole has resulted in the re-importation of 250,000 such guns since 2005, which equates to about 31,000 guns per year.

That total of 70,000 guns may sound like a lot, but it's a drop in the tank-sized bucket compared to the 17 million applications for background checks to buy guns in the U.S. in just the last year.

Obama and Democrats want to be able to tell supporters that they're doing something on guns, even though it's difficult to do much without Congress. A May 2013 poll found 81 percent of Democrats want more strict gun regulations. In his speech for the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington on Thursday, former President Bill Clinton wove together the gun issue with another issue that motivates Democrats. "A great democracy does not make it harder to vote than to buy an assault weapon," Clinton said, which was followed by "Cheers, applause" according to The Washington Post's transcript. National Journal said Clinton's intended target was the "antigun control groups that successfully blocked Obama's proposal to expand background checks on weapons purchases." It was also likely a reference to Texas' and North Carolina's restrictive voter identification laws.

Clinton's barb pleased the crowd — but was it true? Yes and no, writes Salon's Alex Seitz-Wald. He explains that Clinton's assertion that it is easier to buy an assault weapon than to vote is not true in every state, but it is the case in certain states with strict voter identification laws and loose gun restrictions, like Texas. In these states, guns can be purchased without any identification at gun shows or other secondary markets. Seitz-Wald tallies the results:

Scoreboard: There are 33 states where you can buy an assault weapon without ID, versus zero states where you can vote without providing some kind of ID — it’s federal law. Meanwhile, there are 43 state where you can buy an assault weapon with an ID, and, and 37 states were you can vote without a government-issued ID.

It should be noted that the majority of America's guns are purchased at retail stores, and not secondary market gun shows that don't require ID. That means most weapons buyers are getting ID and background checks. And after Thursday's executive action, that will be true of a tiny bit more of them.

       

Here's a Speech Cut from Yesterday's March on Washington Anniversary

At yesterday's remembrance of the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington, the speeches of two 20-something activists attending the ceremony were cut for time. Shortly before they were scheduled to speak, Dream Defenders' executive director Phillip Agnew, along with United We Dream's chairperson of the board Sofia Campos, were both told that they'd have to stay on the sidelines for the day's events. 

Agnew, standing offstage, was informed by organizers that his slot had been cut right as a teleprompter announced that his speech was about to begin. Dream Defenders, a Florida-based group of young activists whose national profile grew after the Trayvon Martin verdict, let its followers know that Agnew and Campos wouldn't be speaking after all: 

PLEASE SHARE: Phillip Agnew of Dream Defenders, and Sofia Campos, young leader of United We Dream, have been cut... http://t.co/XDoCf9VPUR

— The Dream Defenders (@Dreamdefenders) August 28, 2013

Instead, the tens of thousands in front of the Lincoln Memorial, along with those watching at home, heard a litany of speeches from political leaders and more established activists. The omission, which removed a younger generation of activists from the voices heard yesterday (both, however, spoke at a Saturday commemoration of the march), prompted a robust response, under the #OurMarch and #MarchOn hashtags on Twitter: 

#ourmarch RT @BoldProgressive MLK was 34 when he delivered his #IHaveADream speech. Be bold, young people. #mow50 pic.twitter.com/VKV18KKkOZ

— Molly Katchpole (@mollykatch) August 28, 2013

Not happy the @Dreamdefenders did't get their due today on the agenda. We talk much about youth instead of giving them the floor. #MOW50

— Christopher Conroy (@conroyforboston) August 28, 2013

@Dreamdefenders are cut from #mow50. It's obvious, more than ever, that young people have to create their own platform.

— Alim Gaines (@GraceDad16) August 28, 2013

@BarackObama is speaking passionately abt how young people changed the world. Would be nice to have heard from @Dreamdefenders today. #MOW50

— Eesha Pandit (@EeshaP) August 28, 2013

Youth rescued the civil rights movement in '63. Today, @Dreamdefenders say they were cut from the #MOW50 program: http://t.co/2jHKCGdIvC

— Jamil Smith (@JamilSmith) August 28, 2013

The Root called the cut a "snub," adding, "the elders fumbled the passing of the civil rights torch to a new generation as two emergent young leaders were bumped." But the speech Agnew prepared didn't disappear. The organization posted it to YouTube on Thursday morning: 

We wont use this as an opportunity to widen any divisions. Our movement is bigger than even this moment. Youth will rise. Our time is now.

— Phillip B. Agnew (@PhilUnchained) August 28, 2013

Agnew, 28, fresh off of leading a month-long sit-in at the Florida Capitol over "Stand your ground" laws and disciplinary tactics in the state's school system, and Campos, 24, who represents an immense coalition of immigration activists, are very much emerging leaders for racial justice. The "Let Freedom Ring" cuts don't come close to approaching malice, but they do reveal a disconnect between established voices and those on the sidelines who've earned a chance to speak.

Via Leah Watson, here's the full transcription of Agnew's prepared speech: 

Philip Agnew's Speech from the "We Will Not Be Moved" Rally by LeahSwanky

       

Russian Athletes Want You to Know They Know Nothing of Russia's Anti-Gay Laws

Russia is doing its best to become the most homophobic nation in the Western world. In the land of Czar Putin, you can ostensibly be punished for telling a child that gay people exist. You can't come out in support of homosexual rights, either. Among many other issues, that is putting Russian athletes in curious situations wherein they have to pretend they've never heard of their country's embarrassing anti-gay laws.

"[There are] calls to boycott the games?" Washington Capitals winger Alexander Ovechkin asked reporters in Moscow, referring to the push to say "nyet" to the Sochi Olympics. Meanwhile, in New York, where the U.S. Open is under way, four Russian tennis players—Maria Kirilenko, Vera Dushevina, Nadia Petrova, and Dmitry Tursunov— told USA Today they had never heard of Russia's restrictive new anti-gay legislation. "I didn't hear anything about it," said Maria Kirilenko, the world's 17th-ranked tennis player, who also happens to be Ovechkin's fiancee. 

Perhaps Kirilenko, Ovechkin, and the other three tennis players live in an underground facility and are only fished out by someone with a lantern hours before games and matches. But in reality, it's hard to ignore Russia's bevy of anti-gay laws. After all, even the Kremlin-funded RT news agency has reported on the international furor they've caused.  

The more likely scenario is that Russian athletes are afraid of angering lawmakers back home and are thus trying to keep mum on the subject, hoping the furor will simply pass. A truly patriotic few, like former NHL winger Ilya Kovalchuk, have actually said they like the new homophobic legislation. Earlier this week, the current SKA Saint Petersburg player said, “I agree, of course. I’m Russian, and we all have to respect that. It’s personal and, like I said, it’s a free world, but that’s our line. That’s our country, so everybody has to respect that.

Kovalchuk did not explain why "everyone" has to respect "that."

Yet some Russian athletes aren't taking this route. That requires a lot of waking on eggshells. "We should respect the laws, but I don't want any fights or words," Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova, the world's 33rd-ranked tennis player said. "Nobody should be arrested, that's for sure," Pavlyuchenkova added. And then there were the two Russian female athletes who kissed after a relay race (though they said, not entirely convincingly, the act had nothing to do with the new anti-gay laws).

Perhaps the bravest of the athletes has been Svetlana Kuznetsova, who has said,"You can be whoever you want to be as long as you're happy." You hear that, Russia?

       

Gay Taxes Just Got Better

Even more gay couples will now be able to enjoy the once strictly heterosexual joy of filing joint tax returns. The Treasury Department announced on Thursday that it will recognize legal marriages of gay couples, even if they're living in states that do not. When the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, but did not say state bans on gay marriage are unconstitutional, it created several confusing legal questions. In the months since the ruling, the Obama administration has been resolving those questions, and in a way that's favorable to gay couples.

One question was what would happen to married gay troops in the military, which often forces troops to move, making it impossible for them to "vote with their feet" and only live in states that allow gay marriage. Earlier this month, the Pentagon announced that not only would it recognize troops' legal gay marriages, but it would give those living in states that ban gay marriage several days of leave to get married in states that allow it. 

A second question was: what would happen to gay couples who moved to states banning gay marriage? The Treasury Department answered that on Thursday: they'll be able to keep their federal benefits, no matter where they are. Treasury said in a statement:

The U.S. Department of the Treasury and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) today ruled that same-sex couples, legally married in jurisdictions that recognize their marriages, will be treated as married for federal tax purposes. The ruling applies regardless of whether the couple lives in a jurisdiction that recognizes same-sex marriage or a jurisdiction that does not recognize same-sex marriage.

Treasury Secretary Jack Lew said affected couples could file for refunds for the years 2010, 2011, and 2012.

       

Daniel Radcliffe Does Beatnik in 'Kill Your Darlings' Trailer

Sex, jazz, poetry, and murder are on display in the first full trailer for Kill Your Darlings, which features Daniel Radcliffe in the role of Allen Ginsberg.

The film, from director John Krokidas, tells the story of Ginsberg's love affair with Beat figure Lucien Carr (played by the on-the-rise Dane DeHaan) and other members of the Beat Generation. Jack Keroauc is here (played by Boardwalk Empire's Jack Huston) and so is William S. Burroughs (Ben Foster). But it's the presence of David Kammerer—played by Dexter's Michael C. Hall with what looks to be quiet creepiness—that complicates matters. The film delves into the events surrounding Kammerer's murder, in which the Beats were implicated. 

The trailer plays up the enigmatic attractiveness of the whole group, focusing mainly on Radcliffe's Ginsberg, the wide-eyed newbie. But about halfway through the trailer everything slows down and becomes confusingly dreamlike as their world turns violent, with glimpses of Kammerer's obsession with Carr and his eventual death.

Though the film will probably draw a lot of attention upon its release for a graphic sex scene between Radcliffe and DeHaan, it received good reviews when it screened at Sundance early in the year. "Dane DeHaan is hot and dangerous as Carr, Ben Foster burrows into Burroughs, Jack Huston seduces as Jack Kerouac, and Michael C. Hall is just the right combo of desperate/creepy/lovelorn as Kammerer," Lisa Schwarzbaum wrote at Entertainment Weekly. "And Radcliffe – hair permed into Ginsbergy college curls, full of vitality – holds the emotional center as a young artist in art and in life." David Rooney at The Hollywood Reporter explained that the film succeeds more than other recent films about the Beats, like Howl and On the Road, writing: "this invigoratingly textured jazz riff -- spliced with hallucinogenic interludes, introspective detours and moments of romantic reverie -- explores a formative period in Ginsberg’s life."

The film opens October 18.   

       

Google Glass Designer Gives the Spectacles a Stylish New Update

[image error]In the quest to make Google Glass look a bit more fashionable, the lead industrial designer for Google Glass has created the most best-looking version of the glasses yet. In designs posted to her Google+ page at the end of July, Olsson showcases horn-rimmed frames in both sunglass and normal spectacle versions; as seen above and at right, they don't look nearly as dorky as the original wire frames. The screen — Glass's biggest impediment to appearing normal — blends in well with the lenses. The frames themselves resemble those sold at Warby Parker — the hip eyewear company Google partnered with in February. 

To be sure, Glass still looks like a gadget and it doesn't hurt that the very attractive model — Amanda Rosenberg, the Google employee allegedly involved in a love triangle with Google co-founder Sergey Brin — helps the design look like something a style-conscious person might wear. But Olsson's frames are far lot better looking than her company's current wire-framed version — even when featured in the new issue of Vogue, the frames make models look like cyborgs.

Olsson has the task of making Glass aesthetically appealing, and has been tinkering with designs since Diane Von Furstenberg decided to use them on the runway during a fashion show last year. The latest tortoise shell frames are by far the most promising. Unlike Olsson's other attempts, like these sunglasses posted to her Google+ page in March, the screen in the latest iteration doesn't attract all of the attention, which seems to be the key to normalcy: [image error]

In short, the more Glass looks like a pair of regular spectacles, the better. This, via Romanesko, is what not to do:

[image error]

       

Americans are Driving Less, and It's Not Because of the Economy

Driving has been on the decline in the United States since 2004, as researchers have documented every which way. What they still don't know, though, is precisely why. The answer likely has to do with some messy mix of rising gas prices, changing demographics, new technology, a souring economy and the shifting preferences of Millennial drivers. But it's tempting to lean on some of those explanations more heavily than others.

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The economic theory is a particularly deceptive one. If you believe that driving trends have gone south because the economy has, too, then that means U.S. policy doesn't need to adjust to a new transportation reality less focused on cars. Wait long enough, and everything will go back to the old normal.

Years will have to pass before we can look back on this moment and know for sure if the decline in driving was primarily a product of the economy or something else. For now, though, the U.S. PIRG Education Fund has proposed a "natural experiment" with the data we do have: vehicle mileage per capita by state. If the economy is a major factor here, then states hardest hit by the recession—with the steepest rise in unemployment—would experience the most significant drop in driving, right? For one thing, unemployed people without jobs to drive to don't drive as much.

Or maybe not. This is clearly a simplistic experiment, but in a new report released today, U.S. PIRG could find no clear relationship at the state level between the health of the local economy and the size if its decline in driving.

To help understand this, keep in mind that states differ widely in how much people drive over the course of a year. In 2011, according to Federal Highway Administration data, national vehicle miles traveled per capita were 9,455 miles. At the bottom end of the spectrum, that figure was just 5,774 miles a year in the District of Columbia. In sparsely populated Wyoming, VMT per capita was more than 16,000 miles a year.

[image error]

Since VMT peaked nationwide in 2004, driving has also declined in nearly every state:

[image error]

But factors such as the rise of telecommuting or the increase of urbanization can't explain the differing rates of change between them. When author Phineas Baxandall then looked at the rates of state-by-state driving decreases relative to unemployment (or the change in unemployment) between 2005 and 2011, no great pattern emerged either. For the scatterplot-minded, this is what that non-relationship looks like:

[image error]

Of the 23 states where driving declined faster than the national average, only six had unemployment rates that rose faster than the country as a whole. And most of the states with above-average increases in unemployment had below-average declines in driving.

In an experiment like this, it's impossible to isolate the role of the economy when states vary on so many other factors as well. But this picture does suggest, as Baxandall puts it, that the decline in driving is "about more than an economic aftershock."

Map images via "Moving Off the Road A State-by-State Analysis of the National Decline in Driving," by U.S. PIRG Education Fund.

       

A Rare Look at the Government's 'Black Budget' for Spying

A highly classified summary of nation's intelligence budget — leaked by Edward Snowden, of course — reveals that the CIA is still the biggest kid on the block when it comes to American spy agencies. Despite all the concern in recent months about the NSA's growing reach, our national eavesdropping service is still dwarfed by the Central Intelligence Agency, which has a budget that is nearly 50 percent larger.

But don't sell the NSA short, either. Both agencies have ballooned since September 11, 2001, to take up most of the country's $56 billion budget for intelligence gathering, surveillance, covert operations, and other shadowy programs. The Washington Post, which it says got a copy of the 178-page budget summary for the National Intelligence Program from Snowden, won't even reveal the full extent of the summary, instead choosing to make a bunch of fancy charts that show general patterns of where the money goes. 

While the rarely seen budget breakdowns are interesting, they still very vague. For example, we now know that $2.5 billion is devoted to "covert action," but there's no way to know how much of that goes to drone programs versus paramilitary operations versus simply paying off warlords in Afghanistan. How the money is spent and where is a mystery to all but the most highly-placed government sources.

Perhaps the most interesting trend is the massive amount of money devoted simply to "data collection." That can mean a lot of things, of course, but it's by far the biggest chunk of the intelligence budget, particularly at the CIA.

However, the $56 billion "black budget" still doesn't approach the money (adjusted for inflation) spent the peak of the Cold War in the 1980s, nor does it come close to the money spent by the Defense Department, which has a budget nearly 10 times greater than all 16 intelligence agencies combined.

       

Colorado and Washington Can Have Their Weed

Attorney General Eric Holder said Thursday that the Department of Justice will let marijuana legalization laws go into effect in Colorado and Washington. Both states have passed ballot initiatives to legalize the drug, but of course, these are at odds with federal law. According to a DOJ official, the Huffington Post reports, Holder told the states' governors that he would take a "trust, but verify" approach, leaving the states to come up with their own way to implement and regulate the new laws.

Dan Riffle, director of federal policies for the Marijuana Policy Project said in a statement,

Today’s announcement is a major and historic step toward ending marijuana prohibition. The Department of Justice's decision to allow implementation of the laws in Colorado and Washington is a clear signal that states are free to determine their own policies with respect to marijuana.

The DOJ will still prosecute individuals and entities if they violate terms laid out in a three-and-a-half page memo by Deputy Attorney General James Cole. Cause for prosecution includes selling marijuana to minors and using a marijuana business as a front for trafficking other illegal drugs.

When Colorado and Washington passed their initiatives in November, President Obama said the DOJ had “bigger fish to fry” and would not make going after marijuana users a priority. That didn't stop the Drug Enforcement Agency from raiding pot dispensaries in Washington in July, however. The DOJ's now-clear stance that the laws should stand as long as they aren't begetting other criminal activity, should let dispensary owners rest easier. 

Photo by Albeiro Lopera for Reuters.

       

55 TV Shows to Watch This Fall

Summer isn't the television wasteland it used to be, not when shows like Mad Men and Breaking Bad are busy enthralling us, but fall is still when the television landscape really gets busy. To that end, we've put together a schedule of interesting shows, some returning and some new, for you to watch indoors over the next few months while it gets colder outside.

[image error]SUNDAY

Homeland — Showtime's most critically lauded series returns after a strange and bumpy second season. Brody has fled the country after basically the whole CIA was blown up, and, significantly complicating matters, Carrie helped him escape. So it seems this new season will be about Carrie's quest to clear her troubled lover's name while trying not to seem crazy. Can the series sustain the heady mix of knotty espionage intrigue and interior melodrama that won its first season an Emmy? Well, it had a hard time doing that last season, which zigzagged wildly in tone and pacing in its middle stretches before finding its way again (mostly, anyway) by the finale. That the Brody family seems to be back for this season is troubling, but previews suggesting that there will be a deepening of the Saul/Carrie dynamic are promising. Showtime has a lot riding on the continued success of this series, a story that’s almost as exciting to follow as the show itself. (9/29, Showtime)

Masters of Sex — Now that Showtime has had awards success with a political thriller, they're trying their hand at something more in the vein of Mad Men. But, this being Showtime, such a show has to have a least some tawdry appeal. Enter (ew) Masters of Sex. Set in the late 1950s, this new series depicts a soapier version of the real life Masters and Johnson research team, who conducted controversial and groundbreaking sex studies at Washington University in St. Louis. Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan are our sex-curious scientists, while Beau Bridges recurs as the crusty old dean. Caplan and Sheen are terrific in most things, so it's hard to imagine they could be a bad duo here, but is Showtime ready for a period drama all about science? We're not talking about the Manhattan Project here, but it's still pretty, uh, earth-shaking stuff. (9/29, Showtime)

Betrayal — ABC tries to recreate the success of Revenge with this sultry, high society romantic thriller. Y'know, sexy people and powerful families and dark secrets and all that. NBC tried to bite Revenge's style last year with the better-than-you-might-think Deception, but it tanked pretty badly. (As did the sorta similar Red Widow.) Does that mean that the success of Revenge a fluke (it did, after all, lose a lot of steam in its second season), or do people want more of this sudsy genre? Betrayal might give us the answer. And, hey, if the show's not to your liking, you could always go see the play version instead. (9/29, ABC)

Hello Ladies — Ricky Gervais's comedy partner Stephen Merchant, co-creator of the British The Office, heads to America for his own series, about a clueless Brit trying to pick up American birds. So, it's a lot of awkward jokes likely garnished with a little sweetness and sentiment. Sounds perfectly enjoyable, doesn't it? (9/29, HBO)

Elsewhere: HBO's increasingly engaging period crime drama Boardwalk Empire enters its fourth season (9/8) ... Fox's hysterical and frequently poignant animated series Bob's Burgers returns for a fourth season too (9/29) ... Eastbound & Down comes back to HBO for what is likely its last run of episodes (9/29) ... The Good Wife remains the best drama on CBS by a mile (9/29) ... Julia Ormond and others play witches on Lifetime's Witches of East End, which has nothing to do with The Witches of Eastwick (10/6) ... AMC's The Walking Dead lurches back onto the airwaves after an incredibly grim third season (10/17)

[image error]MONDAY

Mom — Chuck Lorre is tightening his chokehold on network television comedy with CBS's Mom, a show with a promising cast that yields not so promising results. Anna Faris plays Christy, a single mom in AA who works as a waitress in Napa Valley. In the pilot, she reunites with her equally messed-up mother, played by Allison Janney. The show's material is arguably edgier than your average multi-camera laugh-track sitcom—there's talk of addiction and extreme parental neglect—but the jokes tend to fall flat in the pilot. Faris is good, though, and she told Vulture her character is "getting stranger" as the season progresses, which might help.  (9/23, CBS)

Sleepy Hollow — What say you to a show that combines two Washington Irving stories, George Washington, witches, and the apocalypse? If that doesn't sound too overwhelming, then Fox's Sleepy Hollow might be the right new show for you. The high concept series follows Ichabod Crane, who mysteriously wakes up in a cave in the present day and must contend with modern life while helping a local police officer battle the Headless Horseman. The Horseman, it turns out, is one of the Four Horsemen of Biblical fame, and, it might excite you to learn, at one point in the pilot he wields a huge assault rifle. So, if all of that sounds at all appealing, then tune in. It's an extremely silly ride, though leads Tom Mison and Nicole Beharie do their best with the material given to them. (9/16, FOX)

The Blacklist — NBC is heavily hyping James Spader's return to television. Spader plays a wanted criminal who surrenders himself to the FBI and offers to help them on one condition: He'll only work with a particular young, pretty agent. Spader's a classic alluring villain here—a character NBC now has in full supply between this and Hannibal—and seems to acquit himself nicely. Note: Diego Klattenhoff is in this, a.k.a. Mike from Homeland. It is unclear whether he will be making huevos rancheros. (9/23, NBC) 

Hostages — CBS' limited-run (at least for now) series has a taut and intriguing pilot, anchored by good performances from the likes of Toni Collette, Tate Donovan, and Dylan McDermott. In the pilot, Collette and her family are taken hostage by McDermott, who orders Collette to kill the president when she performs surgery on him during a procedure scheduled for the next day. Naturally, everything does not go as planned and nothing is what it seems. This is not really a happy family, for one. Donovan is not faithful, the son is dealing pot, and the daughter is pregnant. Meanwhile, McDermott is an FBI agent by day who has a daughter and a sick wife at home. Finding out what's really going on with him is what will keep you watching after the pilot.  (9/23, CBS)

Elsewhere: The last season of How I Met Your Mother, the entirety of which takes place over the course of one weekend, gets underway at CBS (9/23) ... ABC sees if Dancing with the Stars still has any mojo left (9/16) ... The Voice will continue to prop up NBC's entire business (9/23)  

[image error]TUESDAY

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. — The Marvel movie crossover show with the annoying name is perhaps the TV event of the fall, with the main question being: will it work? The show, as co-creator Joss Whedon has explained, is about the Everyman in the world of superheroes, that Everyman being Clark Gregg's Agent Coulson, who died in 2012's The Avengers, but was revived for the purposes of the show. Response so far has been pretty good (though not all good) and Whedon certainly knows how to make deft TV magic, but will people tune in to a series connected to the Avengers that doesn't actually feature any Avengers? (9/24, ABC) 

Trophy Wife — ABC is really betting big on Tuesdays, with a lineup that's entirely new shows, one of which is the surprisingly sweet comedy Trophy Wife. Though the setup seems pretty familiar — a guy (Bradley Whitford), his third wife (Malin Akerman), and his ex-wives (Marcia Gay Harden and Michaela Watkins) try to manage their blended family — the show doesn't lean on the same lame jokes we've seen before, and that the title implies. Executive producer Lee Eisenberg has said that the title is supposed to be "ironic," and so far it is. Harden and Watkins—who has found a solid career playing hilariously loopy moms—are blessedly not entirely evil or shrewish, even though Harden does do intense very well. (9/24, ABC) 

The Originals — The CW loves the ratings-devouring fiends of The Vampire Diaries so much that they've spun some of them off into The Originals. The new show sees the familiar mix of vampires, werewolves, and witches, this time roaming around New Orleans. Will this be the Angel to the Vamp Diaries's Buffy? That's something of a tall order, but at least everyone on the show is really really good looking! Note: the show premieres on a Thursday, but will move into its regular Tuesday time slot the following week. (10/3, The CW) 

Brooklyn Nine-Nine — Andy Samberg might actually have a post-SNL career as the star of Fox's Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a comedy from Parks and Recreation's Mike Schur that transfers some of that show's kooky workplace humor from local government to the Brooklyn Police Force. Terry Crews and Chelsea Peretti are hilarious in supporting roles, while Andre Braugher's lovably gruff boss could be a new (gay!) Ron Swanson. (9/17, FOX) 

Elsewhere: Fox's terrible Dads debuts, terribly (9/17) ... Fox's strong duo of New Girl and The Mindy Project, the latter of which now has more James Franco, ​both return (9/17) ... NCIS fanatics can get their Gibbs's Rules fix on CBS (9/24) ... Idris Elba fans can swoon once again with the return of BBC America's Luther (9/3 ) ... Sons of Anarchy revs up again on FX (9/10) 

[image error]WEDNESDAY

American Horror Story: Coven — Everyone's favorite gruesome, gunky horror anthology returns to FX after its punishing (but, we suppose, ultimately uplifting?) mental asylum season. It will be nice to be out of that dingy hell hole and off to New Orleans, the appropriately atmospheric setting for a story all about witches. And what a cast Ryan Murphy has assembled to play those witches. Jessica Lange, Frances Conroy, Taissa Farmiga, Kathy Bates, Patti LuPone, Angela Bassett, Sarah Paulson, Gabourey Sidibe, Christine Ebersole, and Mare Winningham are all part of the actress-heavy cast. (Though, of course, not all of them are necessarily playing witches.) In addition to the strength of the cast, we're encouraged by suggestions that this season will be a little lighter than last year. (Thank Manon?) Though, it's certainly not going to be a sunshiny romp. The season's Wikipedia page lists Coven's themes as, "witches, witch hunts, incest, minorities, slavery, mothers and daughters, and witchcraft versus voodoo." So, yeah, it's still gonna be pretty dark. (10/9, FX)

Super Fun Night — Rebel Wilson, a popular supporting player in movies like Pitch Perfect and Bridesmaids, takes the lead on this single-camera ABC sitcom, about three homebody friends who decide to change their lives by hitting the town and meeting some men. After receiving a massive overhaul, and a change in network, Super Fun Night is finally ready to make its debut. Will Wilson be a breakout success? Will ABC be able to capture some of Fox's recent youth-skewering sitcom magic? Judging by the pilot we've seen, unfortunately no. It's painfully awkward and uneven, and that's just Wilson's American accent. Still, Wilson is such a likable presence in general that we're hoping the show can smooth things out after the pilot. They've already done some retooling, so why not keep tinkering until they really get it right? (10/2, ABC)

Law & Order: SVU — Yes, this show is still on. And surprisingly it's had a complete rejuvenation in the last couple of seasons. That's owed largely to new showrunner Warren Leight, who's brought a sense of unexpected introspection to this oftentimes blunt and melodramatic series. And the cast has actually benefitted from the departure of longtime too-close-to-the-caser Chris Meloni, becoming a bit livelier and looser in his absence. We're still dealing with gnarly subject matter, material that certainly won't appeal to everyone, but for those who can stomach it, SVU has aged into one of the better dramas on network television. And what a cliffhanger we ended on last season! At the moment, the fate of our beloved Olivia Benson hangs scarily in the balance. Plus there's this ripped from every headline episode to look forward to/dread. It's been on for a million years, but SVU is still worth checking out. More so than ever before, in fact. (9/25, NBC)

The Tomorrow People — IMDb describes the characters on this CW thriller series as, "the next stage in human evolution," meaning people who can teleport and mind-read and whatnot. So basically we're talking X-Men-like folks, super-powered individuals who aren't necessarily called superheroes, but c'mon, pretty much are. As is The CW's wont, the cast is stuffed with young lookers like Robbie Amell and Amanda Clarke, but who interests us most is creator Phil Klemmer, who, before adapting Tomorrow People from a 1970s British series, wrote 15 episodes of Veronica Mars, among other things. Might he bring the same wit and creativity to this Heroes-esque yarn? Let's hope so. (10/9, The CW)

Elsewhere: The long-running but still fruitful It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia returns for its ninth season, this time on the new FX spin-off FXX (9/4) ... Survivor: Blood vs. Water puts veterans on the same island as their loved ones, which should be a nightmare (9/18) ... The likable Maggie Lawson (no relation) stars alongside James Caan in the largely unlikable new ABC sitcom Back in the Game (9/25) ... The Middle, Modern Family, and Nashville all return to ABC's big-time Wednesday night (9/25) ... A new season of Bravo's eminently watchable Top Chef begins, this time in New Orleans (10/2) ... Blair Underwood plays a cop in a wheelchair in the new NBC procedural Ironside (10/2)

[image error]THURSDAY

The Crazy Ones — Robin Williams makes a supposedly triumphant return to television in this CBS comedy from David E. Kelley. Williams stars alongside a latter day TV icon, Buffy's Sarah Michelle Gellar, the two playing father and daughter ad execs doing wacky things to land big accounts. (The pilot has Williams and co-star James Wolk performing a rap for Kelly Clarkson, playing herself.) What we've seen so far is a little strained, but don't you want to root for these two? Williams has had a bumpy, oh, decade or so, and Gellar misfired with Ringer a couple seasons back, so it would be nice if this worked out for them. But it's going to be an uphill battle, we're afraid. (9/26, CBS)

Once Upon a Time in Wonderland — ABC's goofy fairy tale adventure Once Upon a Time is popular enough to have merited a spin-off, this one set in, duh, Wonderland. Alice is now a beautiful young woman diving back into Wonderland to rescue her lost love from the evil Red Queen. John Lithgow voices the White Rabbit and Lost's Naveen Andrews guest stars in the pilot. While still boasting the same hokey production values, Wonderland is, compared to its predecessor, at least not saddled with the modern-day conceit that often makes original OUAT so silly. Who knows if Wonderland will capture family fancy in the same way as the original. Its Thursday time-slot, versus OUAT's family friendly Sunday night, suggests perhaps something just a little bit darker. (10/10, ABC)

The Michael J. Fox Show — NBC took something of a risk on this, ordering a full season of the show sight unseen. Though, we're sure many would argue that there's nothing risky about beloved Michael J. Fox returning to television. His new show is a family comedy about a New York City reporter returning to work after taking time off to deal with his Parkinson's disease. So it's a true-to-life kind of a thing, which is fine. That often works. We just wish everything we'd seen of the show so far, which admittedly is just a few clips, showed a little more promise. Still, we should probably give Michael J. Fox the benefit of the doubt. Just as NBC did, in a big way. (9/26, NBC)

Reign — Forget Carrie Diaries. (Don't actually forget Carrie Diaries! It's good!) The CW is going for a real period piece with the ambitious Reign, set in 1500s France. The story follows Mary, Queen of Scots as she negotiates her teen years in the French court, dealing with sexy princes and other such problems. So it's basically Teen Tudors, only without all the explicit sex. (Oh well.) Also Nostradamus is involved somehow? A sexy, young Nostradamus? Sure, why not. The CW knows what people want. All things considered, this could be fun. Everyone loves a teen royal. Who isn't Joffrey Baratheon, anyway. (10/17, The CW)

Elsewhere: CBS's deeply unpleasant The Millers tragically wastes both Will Arnett and Margo Martindale, forcing them to make a lot of bad fart jokes (9/26) ... Glee returns for what is sure to be an intense series of episodes as they deal with the death of star Cory Monteith (9/26) ... The critically adored Parenthood returns for its improbable fifth season (9/26) ... We'll let the promo for NBC's Welcome to the Family speak for itself (10/3) ... Sean Hayes tries to hit comedy pay dirt once more with the NBC single dad comedy Sean Saves the World (10/3) ... White Collar and Covert Affairs return to USA, sure to delight those mysterious people out there who apparently watch those shows (10/17)

FRIDAY

[image error]Dracula — Just in time for Halloween comes this new limited-series take on Count Dracula, with Jonathan Rhys Meyers in the title role. Rhys Meyers's Dracula is posing as an American in 19th Century London, which has the aesthetic of Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes films. There's revenge, electricity, and possibly a reincarnated wife. Did you like Downton Abbey or The Tudors? Well then NBC hopes you'll tune into this, since that's the pedigree the promos are touting. (10/25, NBC) 

Enlisted — Army comedies, when done well, can be classics. Think: M*A*S*H or Hogan's Heroes. (Ed. note: Also, Major Dad.) This comedy, from Cougar Town co-creator Kevin Biegel, isn't quite there yet, but it has a nice mix of bouncy humor and untreacly heart. Enlisted follows Sergeant Pete Hill (Geoff Stults) who is sent home from Afghanistan and put in charge of a Rear Detachment unit in Florida where his goof-off brothers are stationed. They're an Army family, but Stults's character is the only brother who actually seems to take the life seriously. Chris Lowell (Veronica Mars' Piz) is the wisecracking middle brother who doesn't really want to be there, and Parker Young is the eager younger brother who's, well, not terribly bright. Sure, Army life is probably a lot deeper than this, but Enlisted makes for enjoyable viewing that could easily have been too jingoistic. (11/8, FOX) 

The Carrie Diaries — This Sex and the City prequel surprised us last year by exceeding some very low expectations, and we're even more intrigued to see what happens when Samantha Jones-junior enters the picture. Lindsey Gort has been cast as the younger version of Kim Cattrall's iconic, extremely sex-positive character. Gort is a dead ringer for Cattrall looks-wise, so it should be fun to see how the bawdy character takes on the '80s. (10/25, The CW) 

Elsewhere: Gordon Ramsay's empire expands with Masterchef Junior (9/27) ... ABC's alien comedy The Neighbors had enough love in its first season to get a second (9/20)

SATURDAY

Get up off the couch and go somewhere. Or watch a movie.