Atlantic Monthly Contributors's Blog, page 878

Be Very Skeptical of the Outkast Reunion Rumor

AP

Billboard reports today that Outkast members Big Boi and André 3000 are "indeed in talks" regarding an official reunion at Coachella 2014.

We've heard variations of this story before, of course, and when it comes to a rumored return of Atlanta's Spottieottiedopaliscious duo, skepticism is warranted. Remember all the mixed signals, the teasing and tweets and misleading Frank Ocean guest appearances, the 2013 Outkast reunion that "almost, maybe, potentially, no wait—never was"? Don't get your heart broken again! They're only going to lead you on.

But! Billboard has "multiple sources," some of whom have "confirmed" that there have been "some conversations" and that the duo is "indeed talks" about a Coachella gig. All of which sounds impressively journalistic, but maddeningly open-ended. Even if "conversations" are "taking place" in "Hotlanta," there doesn't seem to be anything committal inked out, and plenty can change (for better or worse) between now and April, 2014. Remember the Cocteau Twins' Coachella reunion that was seemingly set in stone before Elizabeth Fraser backed out the month before? 

None of which is to say the reunion won't play out. But as Dre himself reminds us, "You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather."

       

Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson Are Friends — Adorable Friends

We realize there's only so much time one can spend in a day watching new trailers, viral video clips, and shaky cellphone footage of people arguing on live television. This is why The Wire highlights the videos that truly earn your five minutes (or less) of attention.

You guys, Peeta and Katniss are friends! I mean, Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson. This is cute, and adorable and kinda makes you wish you were friends with them:

Awww. The true magic of this Harry Potter stunt is making us forget how terrible Penn Station can be:

Yes, this is just a baby tortoise who is eating watermelon. Don't ask any questions and let it just wash over you:

And, finally, I never thought I'd ever see the day when the guy from Singled Out touched my heart and made me think about my parents, but, well, that happened: 

       

Congressman Trey Radel Was Arrested for Cocaine Possession

AP

First-term Republican Rep. Trey Radel of Florida was arrested on October 29 for cocaine possession, according to court documents obtained by Politico. The Congressman will apparently make a court appearance on Wednesday. He was officially charged on Tuesday for a misdemeanor possession. Radel, who is considered a Tea Party politician is on the Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure and the Committee on Foreign Affairs. The charge carries a maximum of 180 days in jail, and a fine of up to $1,000. 

In a statement, Radel apologized to his family and constituents for the arrest, explaining that he "struggle(s) with the disease of alcoholism, and this led to an extremely irresponsible choice." He continued: 

In facing this charge, I realize the disappoint my family, friends, and constituents must feel. Believe me, I am disappointed in myself, and I stand ready to face the consequences of my actions. 

Radel also promised to "seek treatment and counseling." He added, "please keep my family in your prayers." 

Here is the document: 

Here's the court document detailing Henry Jude Radel (@treyradel) arraignment on drug charges: pic.twitter.com/JlzKBi5WtI

— Alex Leary (@learyreports) November 19, 2013

Unsurprisingly, Radel's very active Twitter feed leaves little trace of the arrest on the 29th. Instead, the congressman was promoting his spot on the Geraldo Rivera show to discuss Obamacare. This was his last tweet on that day: 

Had some fun last few wks. Check out #treydome for look at tour of our Capitol. And for fun- #treyonplane Reviewed hilarious SkyMall mag!

— Rep. Trey Radel (@treyradel) October 29, 2013

Radel is probably most internet famous for livetweeting the weirdness of the Skymall catalog. His most rent Buzzfeed community post was a "bro" riff on a series of frattish ads promoting Obamacare. He also wrote an attention-grabbing essay laying out why he describes himself as a "hip-hop conservative": " I find a conservative message in “Fight the Power” because I believe when government expands it becomes a political tool meant to oppress," he wrote. 

Back when Radel was a candidate for the House, Mother Jones  discovered that the candidate had registered a number of sexually provocative domain names under his now-defunct company. Many of those domains, like  www.casadelasputas.com (whorehouse), www.mamadita.com (little blow job), were in Spanish. There's also the pretty straightforward www.sexguideonline.com.  

As of now, there are few details out there on the circumstances of Radel's arrest. So while we wait, we'll leave you with this Vine: 

       

Elizabeth Warren Wants to Expand Social Security

Congress has to pass a budget by roughly December 13. Republicans want to cut Social Security benefits; Democrats want to cut benefits as long as they can also raise taxes on the wealthy. Sen. Elizabeth Warren doesn't want to do any of that. In a floor speech Monday afternoon, she insisted that the federal government could increase benefits.

"Today, Social Security has a $2.7 trillion surplus," the Massachusetts Democrat argued. "If we do nothing, Social Security will be safe for the next 20 years and even after that will continue to pay most benefits. With some modest adjustments, we can keep the system solvent for many more years — and could even increase benefits."

Warren insists that there is a retirement crisis, and that cutting benefits is not the way to fix it. She called out Democrats (including President Obama) who support "chained CPI" — a less generous way of calculating cost-of-living adjustments to Social Security benefits: 

Supporters of the chained CPI say that it’s a more accurate way of measuring cost of living increases for seniors. That statement is simply not true. Chained CPI falls short of the actual increases in costs that seniors face, pure and simple. Chained CPI? It’s just a fancy way of saying cut benefits. 

This speech shows the increasing divide in the Democratic party over economic issues — one that Warren is happy to call attention to, apparently. In the 2016 fantasy, Warren is the populist progressive in favor of financial regulation and social programs, while Hillary Clinton is the center-left liberal sitting in the pocket of big Wall Street donors. 

The likelihood that Congress agrees to expand Social Security before December is zero, but Warren's attack means that it will continue to be an issue in the Democratic Party in the coming years. Greg Sargent at The Washington Post writes, Warren's "popularity with the Democratic grass roots suggests that they will want to see these issues addressed no matter who enters the 2016 Democratic field." 

Warren is ready to have the "Democratic values" conversation. She closed her speech like this:

The conversation about retirement and Social Security benefits is not just a conversation about math. At its core, this is a conversation about our values. It is a conversation about who we are as a country and who we are as a people. I believe we honor our promises, we make good on a system that millions of people paid into faithfully throughout their working years, and we support the right of every person to retire with dignity. 

       

'It's Still a Wonderful Life' and Other Imagined Christmas Sequels

A sequel to It's a Wonderful Life is being produced for some reason or another let's do everyone a favor and imagine modern day sequels for other classic Christmas movies. 

Dave McNary of Variety reported today that a sequel to Frank Capra's 1946 It's a Wonderful Life is in the works. It will be about the grandson of Jimmy Stewart's character George Bailey, who has apparently turned out to be sort of a jerk and is taught by an angel about how the world would have been better off without him. The angel will be played by Karolyn Grimes, who played the young Zuzu Bailey in the original film and seems to be milking this for all it's worth. Let's be honest: this probably isn't going to be very good. But if you're really on a kick to see all your Christmas classics remade, here are a few options. 

White Christmas

Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays the grandson of Rosemary Clooney's and Bing Crosby's characters. A failing Broadway star, he's overshadowed by memories of his famous grandfather. In order to find inspiration, he goes to the inn in Vermont where his grandparents fell in love. There, he meets Anna Kendrick, the daughter of the characters played by Danny Kaye and Vera Ellen. They sing Irving Berlin songs, put on a show, and get romantic. 

Miracle on 34th Street

Emma Stone plays the granddaughter of Natalie Wood's character, Susan Walker. She's working her way up in the Macy's executive ranks, when the people holding the parade face a crisis. There's no one to play Santa Claus. So, Stone's character must go on a journey to find her great grandmother's old friend Kris, in order to save her job—and Christmas. 

A Christmas Story 

Things go awry when Ralphie's son (Rainn Wilson) won't let his own teenager (Liam James) get Grand Theft Auto V for Christmas. (Okay, okay, technically there are sequels of A Christmas Story, including a straight to DVD one that came out in 2012. But just go with it.)

The Shop Around the Corner

This 1940 Ernst Lubitsch film doesn't have a sequel technically, but it inspired You've Got Mail, and we're not messing with that classic. 

       

Birth Control Could Make You Go Blind

According to new research, long-term birth control use can double the risk of glaucoma in women. Researchers at Duke, UCSF and the Third Affiliated Hospital of Nanchang University in China found that "there is an association between long-term birth control use and glaucoma," probably due to the estrogen hormone. This is (maybe) bad news for women who have been on the pill for longer than three years, and good news for the anti-birth control movement. 

Glaucoma damages the optic nerve, and is one of the leading causes of blindness in the U.S. Elizabeth Cohen at CNN explains, "It’s been well documented that low-estrogen levels following menopause contribute to glaucoma in women. Scientists don’t know exactly why this happens. But years of using birth control pills, which can also lower estrogen levels, may add to the problem."

Researchers insist that it isn't time to panic. Glaucoma is treatable, and it isn't necessarily caused by birth control use — researchers just found an association. But women who have been on the pill for longer than three years should get screened, especially if they have other glaucoma risk factors. 

There's a lot of fake science swirling around about the risks associated with oral contraceptives, the most common assertion being that birth control causes breast cancer. This has not been proven. Birth control also does not cause abortions, but it does prevent pregnancy. 

Photo by Syda Productions via Shutterstock. 

       

When Is the Right Time to Talk About Anal Fissures?

Life's all fun and games until you get an anal fissure. 

[image error]I came to this conclusion after reading The New York Times today (and the Internet giggles it inspired). The paper of record spent 969 words addressing the horrors of having small wounds on your anus, and the number of Americans who are living in fear of their next bowel movement. "Every bowel movement was painful, and the agonizing after-spasms went on for hours," Nashville's Emma Rushton, the Rosa Parks of anal fissures, told the Gray Lady. "Even when I wasn’t in actual pain, it was all I could think about. My work suffered; my life was on hold." 

The problem, as the Times points out, is that Americans are too afraid to talk about this incapacitating affliction. "Anal fissures are not exactly a topic for cocktail party conversation, and the reluctance to discuss them often leaves sufferers thinking they are the only ones affected," the Times explains.

That's some sound social advice, considering the piece includes lines like this one: 

If you’ve ever noticed bright red blood on toilet tissue or in the bowl after a bowel movement, chances are it is a small tear in the rim of the anus. Such tears are commonly mistaken for hemorrhoids, which unlike fissures don’t cause pain with bowel movements.

But that assumption, that we don't want to talk about this also shortchanges all of us. Many of us already know that bright red anal bleeding and wounds aren't exactly the kind of thing people want to talk about while making small talk. But further, it assumes that we aren't already furiously Googling, WebMDing, or perusing Internet message boards about their anal problems. 

If cocktail hour isn't the right time, then when is? Here's our handy guide about the right time talk about anal fissures:

The Anal Fissure Confidante

This is probably one of the most important things to think about when you come out of your anal fissure closet. You probably don't want to drop the A-bomb on a potential suitor that hasn't already seen you naked. Coming clean about your anal fissure might kill that potential.

Instead, find a friend who doesn't want to see you naked and vice versa. That person is the perfect person to talk about anal fissures with. You don't have to impress them, and neither does your afflicted sphincter. 

If you are in a relationship with someone and possess an anal fissure, then it's a matter of how serious the relationship is versus how serious the anal fissure is. The more frivolous the anal fissure or relationship, then the less urgency you should have in coming clean. The more serious the fissure or relationship, then the more likely your partner won't give you the fade-out. Also, if you're engaging in buggery, these rules mean nothing and it's a crap-shoot. 

The Time

Anal fissure talk is a lot to wake up to in the morning. This conversation is ideally suited for the dark of night or some Internet message board at 3 a.m.

The Place

As a courtesy to your confidante, please don't talk your anal fissure at dinner. Don't assume someone can separate a conversation about bodily functions from the chicken penang they're enjoying is a grave a mistake. Thanksgiving is also a bad idea.

Another possibility we thought of is a road trip. By hour four of any road trip, people are already tired and their inhibitions guards have sloughed off, yet as a courtesy to the driver someone must stay awake. It's a perfect time to make sure everyone is alert. And also, like a Catholic confession, you actually don't have to make eye contact with your friends when you tell them about your secret. 

The Alcohol

If you're not driving, have some on hand, and save your conversation for the fourth drink. By then, chances are your confidante will have already revealed something embarrassing about themselves, something possibly more embarrassing or debilitating than your anal wounds. 

The Aftermath

If your anal fissure talk changes your friendship, then that is a friend that wasn't worth having. 

Photo by: absolutimages via Shutterstock. 

       

'The Wind Rises' Trailer: Miyazaki's Farewell

There's a wistfulness to the domestic trailer for Hayao Miyazaki's The Wind Rises, which is clearly being sold as the final masterpiece of the seminal animator. 

There's no dialogue in this trailer, posted by Deadline, but there are wonderfully beautiful images of flight and landscape. The film about Jiro Horikoshi, the man who designed the Zero fighter plane used in World War II, but Miyazaki is a pacifist, and the movie also incorporates the story of poet Tatsuo Hori. Still, Brooks Barnes of the New York Times reported that the film is controversial for a variety of reasons. In Japan, Miyazaki's peaceful vision has been the subject of a nationalistic backlash in Japan, while in South Korea he was critiqued for praising Horikoshi, who was responsible for Japanese militarism. Barnes notes there's concern in America over smoking and wartime imagery in the film, which received a week-long qualifying run for the Oscars this month, but won't open until February in the U.S.  

The trailer, however, makes a big deal of the fact that Miyazaki announced his retirement—for real this time—earlier this year, hoping viewers will come out, if for no other reason than to honor the master.

       

Who's Snobbier: New York or D.C.?

Andrew Sullivan is returning to Washington, D.C., fed up with New Yorkers' "suffocating, provincial parochialism." Sullivan is sick of snobs, but is Washington really less snobby than New York? We debate.

New York Is Just the Worst

New York City did not treat Andrew Sullivan well. The noted columnist and part-time grumpy lumberjack marched into this city like a king and is leaving like a bitter lover. One of the things that turned him off were New York snobs. He's right. They're terrible.

"If you think you’ll find intellectual stimulation you’re thinking of another era. The conversations are invariably about money or property or school," our cultural spelunker writes in The Sunday Times. "I’ve never been more bored by casual chat." Sullivan adds.

In his short time here, Sullivan figured out what makes New York snobs the worst: there are so many different kinds. Unlike D.C., where political wonks reign supreme, New York City is more diverse and possesses a brutal ecosystem of snobs who aren't shy about showing how much they love their city and all the minutiae it has to offer. "When I tell New Yorkers [about moving to D.C.] they look at me with amazement. 'You’re kidding!' they say. 'Are you serious?'" Sullivan writes. 

Point to anything on the street here, and some know-it-all will be able to talk your ear off about it— urban planning, city gardens, CSAs, bike lanes, Andy Cohen's gym, Broadway plays, Twitter followers, "300 sandwich" ladies, rich people who make their nannies take classes on how to cook quinoa— whatever you want.

Sullivan's biggest gripe is with really rich New Yorkers: 

The rawness of American capitalism is almost palpable here — the stark and growing divide between the self-entitled super-rich and the struggling urban poor isn’t mediated by anything but mutual contempt. And what drives you crazy is that these cocooned, wealthy lefties think they’re enlightened.

Listen to any person in New York City long enough, and they will tell you of some New York experience that would be fit for an Upworthy headline, or Thought Catalog think piece. And if you ask them what they're up to, chances are they won't say anything about how they love taking off real pants and watching The Good Wife. Instead they will regale you with some kind of nice hobby that The New York Times Styles section will be talking about in a few months. Andrew Sullivan is no exception. 

It wasn't too long ago that Sullivan was seen at Atlas Social Club. The ASC isn't just a gay bar owned by Anderson Cooper's boyfriend, it's a bar created for snobby discerning gay men, tired of Manhattan's stuck-up gay scene. But from The Wall Street Journal's description, the place seems just as stuck-up as the bars it was railing against : 

Atlas has a vintage gym theme and is festooned with Chesterfield furniture, precious incandescent lighting, leather boxing gloves and punching bags, all literally wallpapered with bodybuilding magazines from the 1930s and 1940s.

Imagine a gay Bruce Wayne's home gym, which isn't far from the truth: the design is highly evocative of the 1906-era home gym in the quasi-Victorian West Village firehouse-turned-townhouse Mr. Maisani shares with his boyfriend, Anderson Cooper, the 46-year-old television personality. 

"No lasers! No fog! It is chill! So important for amazing energy," a dancing patron said. Life has taught me that when people start talking about the "energy" of a place, it's probably a place you would not want to be. Yet, according to The Journal, Sullivan loved this place: 

By midnight, Andrew Sullivan, the 50-year-old political reporter and New York night life newbie, had already ripped off his white dress shirt in favor of the black tank top underneath and tugged at Mr. Maisani's elbow, asking him for some Jägermeister.

It isn't too hard to imagine that Sullivan may not have found the conversations he was looking for there.

Yet, even with a bunch of gay guys who are too cool for the "energy" at regular gay bars, there's still one more kind of snob that New York breeds which puts all the other to shame: the been-there, done-that New Yorker snob — the snob that already knows everything there is about this city after being here for a year. Sullivan is one of them. 

"The things you enjoy as a tourist — those crazy yellow cabs! Those steaming pretzel stands! — pale quickly when you live here," Sullivan writes. "I would also advise you never to eat anything from a street vendor, however charming their allure," he explains, sounding not unlike your cousin Steve who's back at home from his first semester at NYU. Unfortunately for D.C. and other places, some of New York's snobs don't tend to stay in one place very often.

— Alexander Abad-Santos

D.C. Is Even Worse

The first week at my very first certified intellectual magazine internship, my new colleague told me, her voice dripping with disdain, that she'd never seen a single episode of The Daily Show. An editor walked by, leaned against the wall, and said he hadn't either. Why not? I asked. "I'm just not that into comedy," he said, "you know, as a genre." If Andrew Sullivan hates tedious pseudo-intellectual conversations with jerks, why on Earth would he want to live in D.C.?

More wonks doesn't mean fewer snobs. Many wonks are snobs — and the worst kind: snobs that think they're meritocrats. At least the lefty New York snobs Sullivan rightfully condemns will be internally wallowing in the gnawing insecurity that comes with living in a city where there's always someone richer and cooler. 

"If you bring up any political subject you are engulfed by a smug liberal consensus that borders on outright bigotry and brutal intolerance towards dissent," Sullivan writes of terrible New York people. You know what's worse than that? Arrogant 23-year-olds debating Middle East policy at parties while boring music drones softly in the background. Sullivan continues:

The rawness of American capitalism is almost palpable here — the stark and growing divide between the self-entitled super-rich and the struggling urban poor isn’t mediated by anything but mutual contempt. And what drives you crazy is that these cocooned, wealthy lefties think they’re enlightened.

That would be a pretty damning indictment if D.C. weren't itself a very highly segregated city. The richest live in the northwest quadrant; the poorest in the southeast. People on Capitol Hill make a living by demonizing the people who actually work in the city.

New Yorkers wear denim shirts to project faux working class authenticity. In D.C., people are proud of their khakis. They're both pretty terrible. But New York has the decency to have some faint instinct that it should be ashamed.

— Elspeth Reeve

Disclosures: Elspeth did two tours in D.C. which spanned four years. She has lived in New York City for three years. Alex spent one year in D.C. and has lived a total of seven years in New York. 

       

Rob Ford's Rough 'n' Tumble Day: A GIF Guide

At a special city council meeting called to debate striping most of his remaining power, Rob Ford mimicked one fellow city councillor over past drunk driving accusations and tackled another. Ice Cube would agree today was not a good day for Toronto mayor Rob Ford. 

Ford attended Monday's special meeting to defend himself against the overwhelming majority of city councillors expected to leave Ford with the bare minimum of power allowed by city law, a deeply cut budget and staff, effectively rendering him a lame-duck mayor. Around lunchtime, the meeting first showed signs of descending into the very personal, violent chaos that could come later. Ford was engaging with city councillor Paul Ainslie, a former Ford ally who received a warning and had his license suspended for three days after a routine highway check, and decided to mock his old friend's embarrassing moment: 

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Last week, after statements given to police from former Ford staffers accused the mayor of drinking and driving regularly, Ford admitted he "might have had a few drinks and driven," without specifying a time or place this occurred. 

Late Monday afternoon, the meeting took an odd turn. The Ford brothers, Rob and Doug, loyal to the end, had spent their day shouting at city councillors. At one point Ford instructed his bodyguard to film certain people in the public seating area. A recess was called after a particularly heated exchange led to Ford charging across city council chambers and running into councillor Pam McConnell: 

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"Oh my God, he attacked somebody!" a CBC announcer said on the broadcast. 

During the recess, the Fords started yelling at the public gallery, with both sides calling each other "scum," punks," and "thugs." In this footage, Ford look like a mid-card wrestling villain shouting at a local crowd for cheap heat. 

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For what it's worth, McConnell allegedly has a fat lip after colliding with Ford. As the National Post's Bruce Arthur put it on Twitter, this is just another day at Toronto city hall.