Atlantic Monthly Contributors's Blog, page 1056

The New 'Anchorman 2' Trailer Says Hello But Not Much More

There are a lot of cool things reportedly in store for fans when Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues hits theaters on December 20. The new trailer isn't giving away any hints, though. 

We don't know very much about the plot yet. We know that Harrison Ford will appear, which sounds amazing, but we don't know what he's doing. Rather than show us anything new, the new trailer is just the typical Anchorman crew checking in, cracking the same jokes and leaving us wanted just a little bit more. David Koechner's Champ Kind has liquor breath. Paul Rudd's Brian Fantana is still trying to find his scent. Steve Carell's Brick Tamland still says words. And, of course, Will Ferrell's Ron Burgundy wants us to stay classy. Pretty typical stuff from these guys. 

So they didn't tell us what's happening with Ford or any of the other reported new characters or cameos coming from a murderer's row of comedians: Kristen Wiig, Amy Poehler, Tine Key, John C. Reilly, Jim Carrey and Sacha Baron Cohen are all reportedly appearing in the movie. We'll have to learn more about this "patience" thing everyone keeps talking about.

       

The President's Umbrella Scandal Folded Before It Could Take Off

There was a brief moment where some conservative were trying to make a scandal out of the President's moment in the rain on Thursday. But unfortunately that scandal died before it could really take off. During his Thursday press conference with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Erdogan, a Marine officer held an umbrella over the President's head to protect him from the rain. There were many problems with this, according to a select group of people. 

It all started, as these things do, with a Daily Caller post on Friday. They correctly pointed out that according to Marine Corps uniform regulations umbrellas are strictly off limits for male officers. Female marines are allowed to carry umbrellas under some very strict guidelines, but male officers are taught from the beginning that they are not, under any circumstances, to be caught carrying an umbrella. "Obama expects our troops to hold damn umbrellas rather than go inside: It's disrespectful, inconsiderate, classless," Lou Dobbs added over Twitter. "Mr. President, when it rains it pours, but most Americans hold their own umbrellas," Sarah Palin said at the beginning of a long Facebook post. 

Yes, the Marines are often forced to get wet while standing outside the White House because they cannot hold an umbrella. Yes, the Marine Corps uniform regulations state a Marine cannot hold an umbrella. But Marine spokesman Capt. Eric Flanagan explained to the Washington Post that, according to Title 10 of the U.S. Code, Marines must "perform such other duties as the President may direct." So when the President asks you to hold an umbrella over his head, you hold an umbrella over his head. 

It didn't matter that there's a long history of Marines and Secret Service members holding umbrellas for the President, no matter which side of the aisle they represent. It also didn't matter that there are easily discoverable pictures of Sarah Palin having an umbrella held for her. They wanted to add more headaches to the President's very bad week. But, oh well. So much for Umbrellagate. It had a nice ring to it, too. 

       

Is Yahoo's Deal to Buy Tumblr Going to Fall Apart?

That rumored $1 billion offer from Yahoo! to buy Tumblr? It's looking like a forgone conclusion at this point. But things are messy and speculative and there are already doomsayers predicting this is a bad idea for everyone involved. But mostly they're predicting it's bad for Yahoo!

[image error]AllThingsD's Peter Kafka and Kara Swisher reported late Friday evening that the deal was all but done. Marissa Mayer was going to put forth a $1.1 billion all-cash deal for Tumblr at a board of governor's meeting Sunday. Tumblr CEO David Karp would be kept on with a four year deal that gives him bonus opportunities for business performance. With the board's approval, Yahoo! would purchase Tumblr for that whopping amount of money and Mayer would own her cool blog thing. The only thing missing was the bow on top.

The timing of AllThingD's report is perfect. Yahoo! has a press event scheduled for Monday afternoon. Seems like convenient timing, no? As if Yahoo! is so confident this deal is already done that they're announcing the press conference a whole weekend in advance. 

But that's not how business acquisitions work. They're rarely clean. Acquisitions are cut throat and underhanded and nothing is official until the papers are signed. And these negotiations are playing out a little bit too much in the press. So, on that note, TechCrunch reports Tumblr sees Yahoo!'s billion dollar offer as "too low" and "only a first offer." And Tumblr's booming business success and financial reports showing off the charts revenues and profits certainly give it that right. Oh, wait, no. Tumblr only made $13 million in 2012 and that hype about hitting $100 million by the end of this year isn't lining up with reality. TechCrunch says they're going to run out of money soon if they can't find a sugar daddy soon: 

Tumblr employees have been told that the company only has enough funds to operate for a few more months, as its costs far exceed the limited revenue it earns. Tumblr pulled in $13 million in 2012, but has accelerated its advertising offering in hopes of hitting $100 million in revenue this year. The money’s not coming in fast enough to support its expenses though. Employees were recently told not to be concerned, though, because the company is expecting to be bought.

Tumblr sources saying, anonymously, that Yahoo!'s offer it too low when they're running out of money and their only hope is for a benevolent benefactor to swoop in and purchase them is something to behold. So things are already messy and being negotiated in public. That usually leads into a great working relationship, right? 

To say there are cynics out there who think this is going to blow up and be a disaster for both sides is an understatement. But it's mostly going to be a disaster for Yahoo! and Marissa Mayer because they're the ones dumb enough to pay $1 billion for a company that only generated one percent of that in revenue last year. CNET's Dan Farber thinks this could be go down as poorly in the history books as Fox's deal to buy Myspace: 

Of course, there is a big risk in spending a billion on a blogging platform that essentially competes with Facebook and Twitter. Yahoo's board has a good reference point for considering the Tumblr downside. In 2005 Fox bought the fast-growing social network MySpace for $580 million. Then Facebook came along, and six years later Fox unloaded MySpace for $35 million. Yahoo isn't Fox, where MySpace was an island in a sea of mostly unrelated news properties.

And there's also the huge financial blow Yahoo! absorbs for paying such a high price as explained by Business Insider's Henry Blodget:

The $1.1 billion purchase price, meanwhile, will vaporize more than a third of Yahoo's cash balance, which will presumably leave some at the company wondering whether Yahoo should have spent so much money buying back its stock over the last couple of quarters.

The Tumblr deal would put Yahoo! in a stick situation. They would have to reign in the purchasing for a while. It would also limit them from doing investor friendly things like buying back shares or producing dividends. If their stock price takes a dive after the Tumblr deal that could pose major problems. But they would also still have around $2 billion to play with. That's still a lot of money. 

So if things do blow up between Yahoo! and Tumblr, though at this point it seems a forgone conclusion no matter what TechCrunch says, who else could possibly step in at the last minute to save Tumblr's keister? Forbes' Jeff Bercovici reports Microsoft and Facebook have also expressed interest, but they can't outright make an offer because Yahoo! and Tumblr have an exclusive negotiation agreement. But if Facebook or Microsoft wanted Karp to know they're interested, well, those messages often get delivered somehow, exclusive agreements be damned. But Bercovici's story could be more work on Tumblr's part to drum up a higher price tag out of Yahoo! As Blodget points out, if Facebook wanted to buy Tumblr, wouldn't it have happened already? Nothing is holding them back. If they were going to do it, the deal would have happened by now.

For now we're left to wait until Sunday's Yahoo! board meeting concludes and both sides can leak whether the deal got done or not. There is a chance that Monday press event is about a Flickr announcement after all. 

Update, 1:59 p.m.: These kids are going to get married. Roughly thirty minutes after this post went up, Forbes' Jeff Bercovici reported Tumblr's board of directors approved Yahoo!'s offer and the Yahoo! board is expected to go along with Mayer's wish to buy Tumblr. There's still a little room for things to fall apart, but it's unlikely that's going to happen. So no, the Yahoo! deal will likely not be falling apart. 

       

Kanye Was Watching You Watch Kanye's New Video Last Night

So if Kanye West's weird behavior in the Saturday Night Live promos wasn't enough to pique your interest in tonight's season finale, last night he surprised the world be debuting a new song and video with projections on landmarks in 10 different cities around the world. 

From New York to Chicago to L.A., all the way up north to Toronto, and across the seas in Europe and Australia, West released the video for his song "New Slaves" with no advanced word via projections onto the walls of museums and other major buildings late last night. This map from West's website tells you where you needed to live to check it out: 

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Here's the video being projected on Toronto's Royal Ontario Museum:

And here's Kanye's face on the wall outside Chicago's Wrigley Field:

And here's Kanye's face outside the 5th Avenue Prada Store in New York City: 

The new beat is sparse and haunting. Kanye seems to be moving in a new political and social direction with this song, judging from the lyrics. (As if that wasn't expected with a title like "New Slaves.") And, yes, the video is roughly four minutes of a close-up shot on Kanye's face. People were scrambling to get to the surprise showings all Friday evening. The song played on a loop for hours to let more people capture videos, vines and instagrams. It might be the most social song debut in the world. Part of that is because of Kanye's face being the only image (because of course it is) but also because these are some of the most political lyrics of Kanye's career. It seems like he has something to get off his chest: 

My mama was raised in an era when/Clean water was only served to the fairer skin
Doing clothes you would have thought I had help/But they wouldn’t be satisfied unless I picked the cotton myself
You see its broke nigga racism/That's that "don't touch anything in the store"
And there’s rich nigga racism/That's that "come in and buy more"
What you want a Bentley, fur coat and diamond chain?/All you blacks want all the same things
Used to only be niggas /Now everybody play me
Spending everything on that Alexander Wang/New Slaves

Meanwhile, Kanye was driving around New York City watching people watch him. Yeezy made surprise appearances at his surprise shows last night. He seemed to be channeling his inner Bill Murray: 

Oh shit. He watched it behind us on his Maybach and just drove off! Wtfffff

— Hyphen (@DJHyphen) May 18, 2013

Man, Yeezy just pulled some punk'd type shit. Watched behind us with his phone up like everyone filming then bounced quick. Keyser Soze.

— Hyphen (@DJHyphen) May 18, 2013

Few people can get away with this kind of thing. Debuting a song with no warning as part of a street art stunt is the ballsiest thing an artist can possibly do. If it was anyone other than Kanye the response would be, "who cares?" But Ye's crafted himself into a position where he can pull something like this off: 

Kanye rolling up to the Prada store in a Maybach to watch people watch his face on a building is the most Kanye thing there is.

— Luis Paez-Pumar (@paezpumarL) May 18, 2013

Kanye has people listening to a song for 5 hours straight and staring at a screen. On a wall or at home. Fucking genius

— Nation (@NahRight) (@definitely_nah) May 18, 2013

truly he is Citizen Kanye

— Molly Lambert (@mollylambert) May 18, 2013

So Kanye just cranked up the anticipation level for his Saturday Night Live appearance. As our Esther Zuckerman explained yesterday, Kanye's history of putting on memorable performances in Studio 8H is extensive. His 2010 appearance produced two of the most enduring performances of "Runaway" and "Power," off his fantastic My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy album, from that album's promotional tour. You should make sure you tune in tonight. It's going to be interesting, to say the least. 

 

 

 

 

       

Why Is North Korea Testing Missiles Now?

North Korea noticed the world stopped paying attention to them, and so, the country fired three short range missiles off the coast to out all eyes on them. Are we about to fall back into the endless stream of provocations and threats that seemed to die down?

It's too early to make a solid guess about that. But this is what we know. South Korean officials are reporting three short-range KN-02 missiles were fired into the sea Saturday from North Korea. Short range missiles don't travel more than 1,000 kilometers. (Or 620 miles, for the Imperialists.) These ones didn't even make it to Japanese waters.

Two missiles were launched in the morning while the third came later in the afternoon. The North hasn't released a statement yet so we don't know why, exactly, they're doing this now. The North tends to test short-range missiles every few months. The last tests came in March when tensions were at a high between the international community and the North. It seemed like the tensions in the region that had everyone walking on egg shells earlier in the year had died down. 

The usual excuses like the U.N. sanctions crippling the country's economy or the joint military drills between South Korea and the U.S. are good guesses, sure. But the most likely reason is that North Korea wanted some more attention from the world. "North Korea is an expert at crisis diplomacy, or crisis marketing," Shin Jong-dae, a professor at Seoul's University of North Korean Studies, told the Wall Street Journal. The U.S. citizen being detained for having an issue of National Geographic (among other things) on his person wasn't getting the job done. 

North Korea seemed to be retreating a few weeks ago when they withdrew the medium-range Musudan missiles stationed on their coast, potentially pointed towards South Korea or American bases in Guam. It seemed this chapter was finally coming to a close. But today's provocations, while mild, could ratchet up tensions once again. 

       

Commuter Trains Collide in Connecticut

Two Metro-North trains collided Friday evening, leaving at least 60 people injured, six of them critically. No deaths have been reported yet.

The accident happened in Bridgeport, according to the Hartford Courant, which reports that an eastbound train from New York City's Grand Central station derailed for as-yet-unknown reasons and hit an approaching westbound train. Here's more from the local Fox affiliate:

Connecticut governor Dannel P. Malloy was on the scene, as was whoever operates his Twitter account, which sent out a pretty nasty shot of the accident: 

Photo: Gov. Malloy being briefed by officials at site of train collision in #Bridgeport twitter.com/GovMalloyOffic…

— Governor Dan Malloy (@GovMalloyOffice) May 18, 2013

From the photos, it looks like the accident involved the fairly new M8 railcars that were first placed in service on the route two years ago, with new cars being added constantly since, despite reports that they had design "glitches." Again, we don't know yet what caused the derailment. 

CBS affiliate WFSB's Karen Lee tweeted photos taken by her friend KwangIk Hong, who was on one of the trains (he was not injured):

This is from friend who was on the train twitter.com/KarenLeeWFSB/s…

— Karen Lee WFSB (@KarenLeeWFSB) May 17, 2013

Another picture from my friend.He wasn't hurt but says he saw others #MetroNorth twitter.com/KarenLeeWFSB/s…

— Karen Lee WFSB (@KarenLeeWFSB) May 17, 2013

Another one from my friend who was inside the train.He was in the middle carts #metronorth #Bridgeport twitter.com/KarenLeeWFSB/s…

— Karen Lee WFSB (@KarenLeeWFSB) May 18, 2013

Another WFSB journalist also had a friend on the train. He sent these photos:

PHOTO: Dramatic photo from inside the train from a friend who was on front #MetroNorth train headed to #NYC. twitter.com/KallMeKG/statu…

— Kevin Michael TV (@KallMeKG) May 18, 2013

Photo 2: Mangled metal from inside the train. Friend who works at #ESPN was headed to NYC. #MetroNorth twitter.com/KallMeKG/statu…

— Kevin Michael TV (@KallMeKG) May 18, 2013

Photo 3: Debris on seats from inside the #MetroNorth train crash. He was thrown off the seat but ok. #Bridgeport twitter.com/KallMeKG/statu…

— Kevin Michael TV (@KallMeKG) May 18, 2013

According to Governor Malloy, the accident caused "extensive damage" to the train cars and the tracks. The mayor of Bridgeport, Bill Finch, said the tracks were "destroyed." Amtrak service on the route has been suspended "indefinitely," and it may take until Monday for normal Metro-North service to be restored. The last time Metro-North trains collided resulting in injuries was 1988, according to the Connecticut Post.

       

Michael Phelps Denies He's Planning a Comeback

Michael Phelps, who retired from swimming following last year's London Olympics, is coming back! At least, that's what one Fort Myers anchorman is insisting:

EXCLUSIVE: I have confirmed that Michael Phelps is planning a comeback. nbc-2.com/story/22286148…

— Peter Busch (@peterbuschTV) May 17, 2013

@yahooforde @espn Michael Phelps is coming back. nbc-2.com/story/22286148…

— Peter Busch (@peterbuschTV) May 18, 2013

And the swimming world was thrilled!

Rumors confirmed!@michaelphelps is planning a comeback! @peterbuschtv fb.me/252ZgpE9I

— SwimmingWorld (@SwimmingWorld) May 17, 2013

According to the short article, Phelps will "begin training this weekend at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs" in an effort to compete in the 2016 Olympic games in Rio de Janeiro. Or maybe he's just trying to score his own E! reality show. 

Or maybe he isn't coming back after all. At least, that's what some guy named Michael Phelps is saying:

Why do I keep getting texts about coming back? Do ppl really believe everything they hear or read? There are ... m.tmi.me/VVJFR

— Michael Phelps (@MichaelPhelps) May 18, 2013

Then again, Phelps' tweet didn't specifically say yes or no, did it? And Peter Busch insists that his reporting was sound:

Phelps just sent tweet insinuating that he's not coming back, but I feel very confident with my info. Guess we'll see.

— Peter Busch (@peterbuschTV) May 18, 2013

At the very least, we have confirmation that Phelps does, from time to time, still swim:

Lifeguarded for and swam with Michael phelps at work today. I love my job #interlachen instagram.com/p/ZbWhfEDxw8/

— Stephen Timmes (@stephen_timmes) May 17, 2013

As of this writing, the 2016 Olympic games are 1,174 days away.

       

Federal Speedy Trial Act Won't Apply to Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

This Sunday will mark 30 days since suspected Boston marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was found hiding in a man's boat, the walls of which he reportedly covered with a written confession. According to the Federal Speedy Trial Act of 1974, "the information or indictment must be filed within 30 days from the date of arrest or service of the summons." So, where's the indictment? According to the AP, federal prosecutors will request more time:

U.S. Attorney Carmen Ortiz's office did not specify the exception under which they would seek more time but those available to prosecutors include delays related to the defendant's physical capacity. Tsarnaev remains in a prison hospital after being badly wounded in a gun battle with police before his arrest.

This is the second legal setback for Tsarnaev today. Earlier, a judge denied his lawyers' request to take photos of him while he recovers from his injuries at a prison hospital. The hospital does not allow cameras for security reasons, but Tsarnaev's lawyers argued that they were necessary to document how fit he was when he gave those statements following his arrest and before he was read his Miranda rights, possibly in a bid to spare Tsarnaev the death penalty.

Photos will be taken of Tsarnaev, but by prison officials rather than his lawyers. The prosecution will have access to those photos.

       

What the Cold Spring Looked Like in Cities Across the U.S.

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If April seemed a bit on the cold side to you, you're not alone. The month was the 23rd coldest on record in the United States, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, coming in 1.4 degrees below the 20th century average. Which makes it unusual. It was the coldest April since 1997.

That cold weather wasn't uniform throughout the country, of course, as it never is. The central part of the country was cold, while the West Coast was relatively warm. The weather was also relatively wet, with Iowa and Michigan seeing their most April precipitation in recorded history.

That's all well and good. But the NOAA is not just a storehouse of analysis. It also has a massive breadth of data. Allowing us to do things like present the average January to April temperature for 180 American cities on one map.

What the Cold Spring Looked Like in Cities Across the U.S.

Here's what each pin indicates:

Pin color: Red pins show cities that had January to April temperatures that were basically normal. Green pins were colder than normal; blue, warmer. Deviance from 1981-2010: How many degrees the average temperature differed from that time period. Rank of period in history: How this January-April period compares to every other in the city's history. A "1" here means it was the warmest such period ever. Jan-Apr temperature: The average temperature in degrees Fahrenheit for the four months. Warmth rank compared to other cities: Out of the 180 cities displayed, how it ranked in warmth. The winner, unsurprisingly, was Honolulu.

New York City, for example, was basically on average for the four months. It was the 39th warmest period in the city's history. Of the 180 cities, it was 92nd warmest, which sounds about right. You can see from the pins which sections of the country were colder than normal — broadly across the upper Midwest, for example. The East Coast, New York aside, was generally warmer than normal. In fact, April aside, the four month period was about average in terms of temperature.

But let's cut to the chase. If you like warmth, the best places to ride out the winter months are Florida and Hawaii. Without this map, you might never have guessed that.

Photo: On May 3, it snowed in Iowa. (AP)

       

The Dramatic Demise of 'American Idol'

Today in show business news: Not many people watched the American Idol finale, The Voice is still going strong, and Pete Campbell takes to the stage. 

Well, the numbers are in and they are not good. Last night's American Idol season 12 finale earned the show's lowest finale numbers ever, by a lot. Entertainment Weekly reports: "Idol had 14.3 million viewers and a 3.6 rating, according to Nielsen’s final overnight numbers. That’s off a steep 44 percent from last year." Yikes! A 44 percent drop is huge, and surprising even for this lackluster season. The show has been plagued by ratings problems all season, forcing us to wonder if the great Idol gravy train might finally be pulling out of the station. There will definitely be big overhauls next year, with a whole new judges panel, but will that help any? The real problem has been time and the contestants. If it does go away, are we ready for an Idol-less world? It could be coming in a year or two. Prepare yeself. Meanwhile, The Office's series finale did pretty well, earning the highest ratings of the season. Good to go out on a high note. Idol should take a lesson from them and build a time machine and go back in time and end the show after Carrie Underwood won. It's the sensible thing to do. [Entertainment Weekly]

NBC's The Voice is chugging along comfortably, though. They've just announced that original judges Xtina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green will be returning for the fall cycle, with Shakira and Usher filling in again in the spring. Yeah, two more cycles in the next year, which is a lot. It's almost as if NBC is desperate to squeeze every last dime out of its only big hit. I'm sure it will work perfectly! No one's going to get sick of it, no sir. Also, has anyone actually ever won that show? And if so, who are they? Who are these people who have supposedly won The Voice? [The Hollywood Reporter]

Perhaps hoping to win nerdy English major ladies to his cause, Mad Men's Vincent Kartheiser will be playing Mr. Darcy in a stage adaptation of Pride & Prejudice at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis this summer. Is he really a Mr. Darcy type? He certainly can be rude and uptight, but in a bratty way. I mean, technically no one except Colin Firth is legally allowed to play Mr. Darcy, but there are better options out there. Or other plays that Vincent Kartheiser could have been in. But, oh well. It's happening. Enjoy it, Minnesota! [Entertainment Weekly]

The Amazon Studios show audition experiment is coming to an end. They're starting to make pickups and informing those that haven't made the cut. One big "no: was Zombieland, which caused the creator to chastise the movie's fans, saying "I’ll never understand the vehement hate the pilot received from die-hard Zombieland fans. You guys successfully hated it out of existence.” Yikes. Amazon has said yes to Alpha House, the wan political comedy from Gary Trudeau starring John Goodman, and Betas, an annoying thing about Silicon Valley. The painful Huffington Post musical satire (yes) Browsers also didn't make it. Poor Bebe Neuwirth. [Deadline]

Here is a longer trailer for the final season of Dexter. From the looks of it, we're going to be dealing with a lot of drunk, angry Deb. As opposed to just angry Deb. I'm excited! Last season was mostly a brutal success, ending both insanely and inevitably. Come to us, sweet Dexter! Tell us the dark ending to your dark and sometimes kinda silly but usually pretty entertaining if nothing else tale.