Ravi Mangla's Blog, page 51
January 7, 2012
January 5, 2012
January 2, 2012
Happy January 2nd!
Oh, wait… now that I think about it, today happens to coincide with the one month anniversary of my collection of microfictions, Visiting Writers. Seems like a pretty good occasion to check it out.
December 29, 2011
December 19, 2011
Best of 2011
Big Other was kind enough to include my list of 2011 favorites alongside rundowns from Lance Olsen, Dawn Raffel, Joseph Riippi, and Penina Roth.
How to Build Your Own Kindle at Home (For Holiday Shoppers on a Budget)
Step 1 - Purchase a basic picture frame, in either silver or black, with the approximate specifications of 7" x 5" inches.
Step 2 - Tear a page from a spare book you have sitting around the house (The Lovely Bones is always a safe bet) and arrange it under the glass.
Step 3 - Remove the stand from the back of the frame. Carve the word "kindle" into the top of the frame with a heated knife.
Step 4 - Present the gift to the intended friend or relative. Encourage them to open it in front of you. Before they can remark on its lack of functionality and odd appearance, quickly seize the gift from their hands, tell them it was broken in transit and needs to be replaced.
Step 5 - The following week, when they inquire about the Kindle, inform them that the replacement wasn't working and you're waiting for a replacement for the replacement.
Step 6 - Avoid them for several weeks. When they finally call you and ask about the Kindle, tell them that you have it at your apartment and invite them over to pick it up.
Step 7 - Once inside the apartment, point them toward a linen closet or cupboard, and when their back is turned, strike them firmly over the head with the frame. (It helps if the windows are covered.)
Step 8 - Check to see if they're still breathing. (If not, please refer to my other guide, "How to Dig a Hole in the Frozen Ground.")
Step 9 - Dispose of the broken frame and glass.
Step 10 - When the friend or relative is revived, inform them that there has been a home invasion and the Kindle was stolen, along with your rent money. (If you need to borrow money, this is a good time to ask.)
Step 11 - Promise to buy them something better next year and offer them an ice pack in the meantime.
Step 12 - Report the theft to the proper authorities.
