Emma Newman's Blog, page 18

A trip to the Split Worlds

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? It’s been bothering me that I haven’t posted for ages whilst I’ve been putting up guest stories on other blogs every week, so this week I’ve brought the Split Worlds home again and thought I’d say a quick hello too.

The lack of posts has had everything to do with the fact I’m writing the third Split Worlds novel at the moment and between that, and a weekly short story to write and record, there haven’t been any other words left! Life is very good at the moment with some really exciting stuff happening just this week – stuff I can’t share with you yet unfortunately.

Anyway, suffice to say I am still alive, I’m just working hard and spinning lots of plates – as I should be! Without further ado, here’s the story – the audio version is here: https://soundcloud.com/ejnewman/made-up should you wish to put your feet up and listen instead.

Made Up

Maddy twisted the lipstick casing and watched the deep red stick emerge. It was her mother’s favourite and shaped for her lips. Even though she twisted the stick of colour up and down, marvelling at how it sparkled, she resisted the urge to smear it onto her own. That would be bad.

She dropped it into the make-up bag as she heard her mother coming back from the bathroom, bringing the scent of perfume and hairspray with her.

“Don’t touch my make-up Maddy,” she said, closing the curtains.

Maddy pouted, lurking near the dressing table as her mother lifted the stockings laid on the bed carefully.

“I’ve got tummy ache,” Maddy said as her mother rolled the first stocking up her leg.

“No you haven’t,” her mother replied. “I’m going out Maddy, you just have to get over it.”

“With Smelly Simon?”

“Don’t call him that!” her mother scowled as she rolled the other stocking up and fiddled with the clasps.

Maddy looked at the red dress laid out next to her mother’s necklace. She could run downstairs, drink some milk, hold it in and pretend to throw up all over it.

“Don’t even think about it,” her mother said.

“What?”

“Whatever it was, don’t.”

Maddy pouted and flopped onto the bed, narrowly missing the newly pressed dress. Her mother put it on quickly, then sat at the dressing table.

“Is Sm- …is Simon taking you to a restaurant?”

“Yes.”

“Will you eat pizza?”

“I don’t know.”

“Can I come?”

Her mother sighed and twisted around to face her. “No Maddy.”

“I’ll be good, I promise.”

“No Maddy, that’s enough now.”

Maddy tucked her knees under her chin and watched her mother paint on her eyes.

“Can I have some mascara too?”

“No, it’s nearly bedtime, and I’ve told Kelly that it’s 7:30 sharp.”

Maddy knew she’d be able to trick the babysitter into letting her stay up late. But if the plan worked, her Mum might be home early.

Her mother plucked her lipstick out of the bag and pulled her funny face to get it right up to the lines. Maddy studied how she smacked her lips together afterwards and blotted, leaving a dark red kiss on the tissue that was scrunched up and tossed into the bin.

“How do I look?” her mother asked after putting her high heels on.

“Nice,” Maddy said and her mother groaned. “Very nice Mummy,” she corrected, eliciting a smile.

“The taxi will be here any minute, why don’t you go downstairs and play with Kelly?”

Maddy sloped off, knowing her mother wanted to be by herself in front of the mirror. She went into her bedroom instead, drifting over to open the window to look at the sunset. She hoped the phone would ring and they’d hear that Simon’s leg had unexpectedly fallen off so he couldn’t take Mummy out ever again.

Then she remembered the plan, and smiled. The scent of the wisteria beneath her window floated into the room. She sniffed and thought about fairies. It would be okay. Mummy would be home before it was dark, and Smelly Simon would never be seen again.

***

Maddy was brushing her teeth when the front door opened and then slammed shut. She held her breath as her mother ran up the stairs to her room and shut the door. Maddy pressed her ear to the wall separating them, heard her mother crying. She bit her lip, feeling sad and happy all at once.

She rinsed her mouth, then padded to her mother’s room. She opened the door quietly and saw her mother seated at the dressing table, blowing her nose.

“Mummy?”

“Why aren’t you in bed?”

“I was,” Maddy lied. “Are you sad Mummy?”

“Yes.” She made the sound of a baby elephant into another tissue.

“Why?”

“Because all men are horrible.”

Maddy took a couple of steps in, and when nothing was said, carried on until she reached the dressing table. She squeezed her mother’s hand. “I still love you Mummy.”

Her mother’s tears flowed faster. Remembering just in time, Maddy plucked a tissue from the box and dried her mother’s cheeks tenderly.

“I’ll be alright Maddy, go back to bed, there’s a good girl.”

She didn’t argue. Holding the damp tissue carefully, she went back to her room, closed the door and tip-toed to the window.

“Hello?” she whispered, leaning out. “Little fairie?”

There was a soft pop and the fairie was there, peeping out from behind a spray of wisteria.

Maddy beamed. “Hello!”

“Hello Madeline,” the fairie said in her sing-song voice. “Did my Lady’s present work?”

“Oh yes! Mummy thought it was her lipstick. And it made Smelly Simon say something horrible to her, just like you said it would!”

The fairie clapped her hands, fluttering above the vase. “And have you remembered what you must give me in return?”

Madeline held up the tissue. The fairie’s nose wrinkled, and she blew glittery dust off her hand that coalesced into a golden cup. “Squeeze the tears into this.”

Madeline did as she was told. Only two drops came out, but when the fairie sniffed at the liquid, she looked delighted. “Good girl,” she said, fluttering up to be level with her eyes. “Now, remember, every time that lipstick is used, my Lady will know, and she will want bitter tears in return.”

“I know,” Maddy said. “Thank you.”

The fairie smiled, stroked the tip of Maddy’s nose. “Such a resourceful little girl. Lady Wisteria is looking forward to seeing what you grow into.”

Maddy watched the fairie disappear. “Yay,” she whispered and clapped her hands. Just like the fairie.

Bristolcon and musings on panels

It’s Bristolcon on Saturday! Yay! Here are the things I’m going to be doing:

12.50 – 12.55: Reading – A snippet from the upcoming Split Worlds novel released by Angry Robot Books in March 2013

13.00 – 13.45: The stress of space travel on family relationships: Returning to Earth to find yourself younger than your own grand-children isn’t just a headache for the greetings-card industry. The panel looks at depictions of the family and wonders, are all families in SF fiction dysfunctional?

With Dev Agarwal (mod), Emma Newman, Aliette de Bodard, Gareth L Powell, Leigh Kennedy

19.00 – 19.45: YA fiction: Just for Girls?: YA is a thriving genre, but it seems to be more of a genre for girls. Is there a gender imbalance in YA, and if there is, how do we address it? How do we get boys reading?

With Foz Meadows (mod), Emma Newman, Moira Young, Kim Lakin-Smith, Emma Pass

I’m nervous (no surprise) but I’m trying to remind myself that I’ve been on a few panels now and that nothing terrible will happen. I thought it might help my stupid lizard brain if I wrote about what I’ve learned about and what I aim to do on panels, and who knows, it might help some of you guys too.

What are panels for?

In case you’ve never been to a convention, a panel is when the convention organisers arrange for a group of people (usually four plus a moderator) to have a discussion on a particular topic in front of an audience. The panellists usually sit behind a table (I’ve been on a couple where there was no covered table to sit behind and it freaked me out!) with microphones and after the moderator has asked each of their questions to keep the discussion moving its opened out to the floor for questions from the audience.

As far as I’m concerned panels need to serve two primary purposes:

1: Be entertaining

2: Be informative

Secondary benefits for the participants include having your profile raised by being on a panel. Your name appears on the programme and if it’s a panel on a topic related to what you write, even better; it increases your public credibility in your field. Of course, the caveat there is that if you then go on to completely mess up the panel it could achieve the opposite.

It also gives you the opportunity to be on show, and thereby enable people in the audience to discover your work. I have watched panels in the past, gone straight to the dealer room and bought the book of someone who’s impressed me on the panel. I have had several people buy my books and then get in touch for the same reason. And damn, that feels good, I can tell you!

Preparation for panels

There are some panel topics that are practically impossible to prepare for or simply don’t require it. I’ve been on a couple of New Writer panels for instance, and there’s no real need for preparation as it’s just talking about what I’ve experienced. There are some topics which are so broad in scope anything could come up, so I just have to go in with what I’ve got and hope I have something to contribute.

It’s the ones with a very specific topic that really make me anxious. I can get myself into a complete tizz thinking that I need to read a dozen books and half of the internet so I have a vague chance of speaking authoritatively. I’m at the point now where I just set aside a bit of time to think through my opinion, research a little if I need to, but then stop.

The thing is, there’s no way to tell which way the discussion will go. I used to be utterly terrified of not being able to answer a question but I know now that it’s okay; there are three other really clever people who will probably be able to have a crack at it, and that’s fine.

Here are the things I try to do on every panel:

Be truthful – there is no way in hell I could keep track of lies over the years, so I stick with this policy. If something comes up which would require revealing more than I’m comfortable with, I say that, rather than make something up.

Be aware of how much I’ve spoken – I’ve watched panels where a participant has spoken far too much. It’s not fair on the other panellists and it mostly gives the impression of a big ego and someone being too in love with their own voice. A good moderator should rein them in, but there are some personalities that are very hard to keep in check, no matter how experienced the mod might be. So I try to make sure I don’t talk too much when it’s my turn.

Look at the audience – I try to connect, no matter how terrifying that is. Whether its social media, a reading or a panel, I aim for connection with other people who love the same kind of stuff as I do.

Be open – As long as it doesn’t cross my privacy line (i.e. details about where I live or my family) I try to be as open as possible about my experiences, what I’ve screwed up and what has gone well.

Be specific where possible – One example of this was a panel on social media where I talked about the tools I use to run my sites, use Twitter etc. The kind of stuff people in the audience can write down and use later.

Not steer the conversation to my books unless absolutely necessary or specifically called for – This is something that will differ from person to person. I’ve seen panellists steer the conversation very deftly to highlight their own work and kudos to them. I simply don’t want to risk screwing it up. In the States it’s more usual to have your own books on display in front of you which is something I’d love to see introduced in the UK. In the audience I liked being able to see the book I planned to buy after the panel, and for us promotion-averse authors it just removes the agony.

Be polite and friendly – I’m sure I don’t need to explain that one! I had the rather uncomfortable experience of being on a panel about social media at Worldcon where one of the other panellists believed the exact opposite as I do about how to conduct oneself online. It placed me in a very uncomfortable position as I am the most conflict-averse person I know. But I couldn’t sit there and not challenge it. I presented my opinions calmly and as an alternative thing to try, rather than shouting “YOU’RE SO WRONG!” every two minutes. It all worked out well and we ended up having a good laugh as it got pretty predictable that I would give a counter opinion at regular intervals. But you know what? I think that was probably one of the best panels for the audience because they could see a range of opinions and approaches. They could also see that there wasn’t just one opinion, and therefore, no absolute right or wrong way to do it.

Things I still need to work on

Well, the nerves beforehand is one of them; I still haven’t found a way to escape those. The amount of time I fret before the event has shrunk from a week to two days, which is progress, but I’m still an absolute wreck before each panel. I shake, I feel sick and panicky but hell, I have an anxiety disorder so my threshold is pretty damn low.

Another thing I need to get better at is introducing myself. Some moderators do that for us, and I love that, but most ask us to introduce ourselves. It makes perfect sense but urgh, I hate doing it and I need to get over that.

If I have a reading afterwards, I need to mention it! Right at the end of course. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it – it’s very close to the whole self-promotion spectre – but I still think I should.

So there you go. Any questions about panels, things you’d like to see more of when you’re in the audience or experiences of your own to add? I’d love to hear them!

The joy of podcasts

Well the last four weeks have been, to put it plainly, rubbish. A chest infection post-Worldcon then a minor family disaster have led to me missing Fantasycon and getting in a tizz work-wise and generally feeling a bit pants.

It’s also stolen any desire to blog out of me and I was aware that I needed to write about something but didn’t feel inspired. I could give you all a Split Worlds update or blather about something else, but nothing emerged. Then I realised there was something I wanted to talk about.

Podcasts!

Several years after the rest of the world started following podcasts properly I suddenly realised I could use technology to listen to podcasts when not at my computer, and furthermore, could subscribe to ones I enjoy. Well duh! I have no idea why this passed me by for so long, but I’m happy to say that they’ve saved me from going quietly mad whilst doing lots of cooking lately.

Before I go any further I should add that I hate cooking. Sometimes I feel an urge to bake – about once or twice a year – but that’s it. However, due to the minor disaster I mentioned earlier I have had to cook a lot over the past three weeks. I’m not a foodie and cooking makes me thoroughly miserable. Here are the podcasts which have stopped me from throwing a saucepan through the window:

The Roundtable Podcast

I simply love the concept behind this show. Basically a very brave guest presents an idea for a story as a pitch and another guest, who is an experienced writer, helps them to make it better by asking questions. It opens out to a discussion with the regular show hosts and they stir it all up in the pot until something even better comes out. They also have 20 minute interviews with the guest writers alternated with the story podcasts. It’s fascinating and the regular hosts are very enjoyable to listen to as they are so enthusiastic and positive.

SF Signal

This is wonderfully varied and the people who run it are very lovely in real life too. This week they had a discussion about alternative history books which got me through cooking bolognaise.

Sword and Laser

Very slick show and there’s a video version which I need to check out too. There are regular parts of the podcast including news and a calendar for upcoming book releases and notable events, both of which make me feel all clued up about what’s going on in the genres I love.

Writing Excuses

I love this one; each episode is fifteen minutes long and focuses on a different aspect of writing, from different kinds of plots to writing for different audiences / niches or in-depth discussions of an author’s book. The authors know their stuff (and Mary Robinette Kowal has a voice I could listen to all day). Why, only this morning I was learning about writing sex scenes (blimey!) whilst making breakfast. It’s a great show. I heartily recommend it.

SF Squeecast

The premise behind this podcast is simply gorgeous; sci-fi and fantasy writers taking turns to talk about something they’ve read and loved. It’s very positive, interesting and lovely to hear people talking passionately about something they’ve enjoyed. One of the regulars is the very splendid Paul Cornell by the way, who is one of the loveliest chaps I know. It won the Hugo at Worldcon too, which made me very happy.

Others on my list

Adventures in Sci-Fi publishing

I’ve only listened to a couple of interviews lately which were excellent but I plan to listen to a lot more. I’ve also downloaded some Functional Nerds episodes but haven’t listened to any yet.

Oh, may I add in a rather cheeky and awkwardly self-promotional manner that the audio versions of the weekly Split Worlds stories are available as a podcast on iTunes?

Got any recommendations?

I’d love to hear them!

Worldcon Report, Part the First: The People

So I am back in Blighty and mostly over the horrific jet lag, which means it’s time to write about Worldcon. I’m a little intimidated actually; there’s just so much to write about and I’m bound to forget something and someone. Let me get this out of the way first:

I met Neil Gaiman. And he is absolutely lovely.

Okay, now that’s done, I’m going to just write about stuff as I think of it because trying to form a coherent narrative out of the last ten days is like trying to pick out a single tail in a sack full of writhing cats.

Where do I start? Well, there were 18 (I think) Angry Robot and Strange Chemistry authors there, along with Lee Harris (@LeeAHarris) (A.R. editor), Amanda Rutter (@ALRutter) (S.C. Editor) and Mike Underwood (@MikeRUnderwood)(Sales and Marketing). They are all lovely. Really. So it meant I got to hang out with Adam Christopher (@ghostfinder), which is one of my favourite things to do, and I met Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig)– everything you’ve heard about him is true. Everything. No, seriously, when the zombie apocalypse happens I want him to be in my party of survivors. He’d stop us going insane and we could build barricades out of the new expletives he comes out with every three seconds (or thereabouts). I met Gwenda Bond (@gwenda) who is frighteningly beautiful and I have fallen a little bit in love with Ramez Naam (@ramez) because he makes me bowl better and because he gave a fantastic presentation on neurophysiology and tech that kept me awake, engaged and interested even though it was 9am and I’d only had 3 hours sleep. Oh that reminds me, don’t listen to Chuck Wendig when he tells you that the best way to bowl is “just throw it as hard as you can, right down the middle, don’t worry about rolling it.” That way only leads to evil. And grumpy bowling alley owners.

Also, Maurice Broaddus is simply kindness incarnate. And he has a gorgeous voice. It’s official. I bottled up all my courage to go to the Tor party all by myself only to end up in the social death of not knowing a soul there. I stood by the new book covers display like a total lemon until I spotted Maurice and from that moment on the party became brilliant. Thanks for looking after me Maurice!

I also want it to be on record that Lee Harris is one of the kindest and most supportive editors in the world.

I also met Stephen Blackmoore (@sblackmoore) who forms a formidable comedy duo with Chuck. Introduce Croatian Schnapps and that’s a fine party right there. I need to get his book, it sounds ace.

Mission accomplished

I phoned my Nana after Eastercon and told her that George R.R. Martin was there, but that I didn’t speak to him because I was too shy. She was pretty appalled and said that if I ever find myself at the same event as him again I needed to give him a message from her. It was “Thank you for writing your wonderful Game of Thrones novels, Mr Martin, they’ve given me many hours of pleasure.” Now, my grandmother means the world to me. She’s 72 and texts. She’s more dynamic than I am on most days and she’s the best matriarchal rolemodel ever: she knows everything that’s going on in the family but doesn’t judge. She gives advice with love and is utterly selfless and generous with her time. She’s amazing. So when she asked me to do that, I knew I had to.

And I did. I went up to Mr Martin on the first day of Worldcon and gave him my grandmother’s message. He was delighted. He smiled broadly, giggled a little and said “Why thank you, and please pass on my best regards to your grandmother.” Isn’t that ace?

Have iPad, will make friends

One of the overarching impressions I have of Worldcon, and indeed Chicago, is that so many people are so friendly there. I was playing with my shiny new iPad (a present to myself for the Angry Robot deal) and people stopped and asked what it was like. One lovely lady, @ShadowsMomCA, stopped by to tell me about a case/handbag and took the time to give me a lesson in the interface as I was struggling to get to grips with my first Apple device. I’d also like to thank Anne Lyle (@AnneLyle)  for app tips!

At the risk of name dropping…

I met Bill Willingham (@BillWillingham), the writer of Fables and Fairest (I read the first 6 issues of the latter on the plane and it’s brilliant) and his PA, Stephanie @hellocookie who totally understands what it’s like to be nervous of revolving doors and the trouble with blushing. Both made Worldcon really rather special for me.

I also had the pleasure of meeting Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette). Oh my goodness, she is so very, very cool. We geeked out about historical clothing, fossils and vintage typewriters. She also wore the best dress to the Hugos, in my humble opinion.

Did I mention I met Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself)? I did? Oh. Well, he was so warm, patient with me when I my fangirlish glee struck me dumb and coped so amazingly well with everyone wanting to speak to him all the time. Really, it was a spectacular thing to watch. We talked about American Gods (I love that book) and how having your book blurbed by your heroes becomes less nerve wracking over time. I hope he’s right, as my nerves are pretty damn wracked at the moment.

I also got the chance to hang out with Paul Cornell (@Paul_Cornell)who is one of my favourite people. He is so very lovely and had a really rotten time thanks to broken airplanes and other things. I was so pleased that he and his fellow podcasters won a Hugo for the SF Squeecast, and deservedly so, it’s great.

There’s a picture of Bill, Stephanie, Paul and I here that doesn’t make me want to die. Which is nice.

When online friends are splendid in real life

One of the highlights, people wise, was finally meeting @wiswell – aka John Wiswell – who has been an online friend for at least a couple of years through the Friday Flash community. He’s just as lovely in person as he is online. I took him with me to the SF Signal (@sfsignal) meetup and that was a splendid afternoon. We hung out with Patrick Hester (@atfmb) (also lovely), John DeNardo (another lovely chap – there’s a theme here) who won a Hugo, Brent Bowen (@daemonrange) of Adventures in Sci-fi Publishing, Violette Malan (@VioletteMalan), Laura Resnick and others. It was simply brilliant. I heartily recommend both the SF Signal and Adventures in Sci-Fi podcasts by the way. I listened to loads whilst I was sewing my Worldcon outfits. Oh, and Writing Excuses too, that’s ace.

And an apology

I fear I have left people out of this. There are so many that made Worldcon great fun. @mforbeck, @KimeCurran, @LauraLam, @staciadecker and lots of others, including the chap I chatted to at the Tor Party about writing whose name I can’t remember (sorry!) but was very sweet. Everyone I met was friendly and approachable, thank you for making such a scary event an absolutely delightful adventure.

What the build-up to Worldcon really feels like

Two weeks today I’ll be in Chicago. Chicago! I still can’t believe it, and I’m sure it’ll take a while to sink in when I’m there. I’m going to Worldcon, which is really called Chicon 7 and is the 70th World Science Fiction Convention. Here’s where I’ll be – thought I should list this before my anxiety convinces me not to, more on that afterwards…

Thu Aug 30 4:30:pm – 6:00:pm

New Writers panel

Room: Addams

Sat Sep 1 10:30:am -12:00:pm

Social Media for Writers panel

Room: Gold Coast

Sat Sep 1 1:30:pm – 2:00:pm

Reading – I plan to read a sneak preview of The Split Worlds: Between Two Thorns which is being published by Angry Robot books in March next year and a couple of other things too.

Room: Dusable

Sun Sep 2 10:30:am – 12:00:pm

World Building from Games to Stories panel

Room: Grand Suite 2AB

Mon Sep 3 1:30:pm – 3:00:pm

Autograph Session – Other authors signing at the time are George R.R. Martin and Gene Wolfe so I’ll be able to watch and learn from them!

Location: Autograph Tables

So… Worldcon… I’m utterly terrified.

No really, I’m absolutely out of my mind with anxiety at the moment. For the last two weeks I haven’t slept well thanks to nightmares and anxiety spikes in the small hours when everyone is asleep and tiny monsters become gargantuan. My baseline adrenalin levels are currently equivalent to being in a doctor’s waiting room about to be called in for an injection and the tiniest thing makes it leap up to “there are rabid dogs chasing me” levels.

Urgh. The strange thing is I’m really looking forward to it. How I can maintain both states simultaneously is a mystery to me. I’m sure that in my youth I was capable of being excited about something and not have to go through all this anxiety bobbins. I wish I could reclaim that art.

I’m most looking forward to seeing friends, some of whom are UK people who I only get to hang out with at conventions, another is an online friend who I’ve been chatting to for years (looking forward to meeting you in person @wiswell!) and there are probably others too. And I’m looking forward to seeing Chicago after hearing such great things about it from a good friend of mine and, truth be told, seeing it in the background of lots of ER episodes. I’ve had a fantastic time at all of the conventions I’ve been to so far and it will be a grand adventure.

So why the constant low-level panic?

Well… I don’t know. When my anxiety flares up it isn’t very helpful at sign-posting exactly what’s causing it. That’s probably due to two reasons. One: it’s a generalised anxiety disorder thing and two: there are lots of teeny tiny things that are worrying me, each one forming a pixel of this scary, scary picture.

There’s also the ugly little creature that sits goblin-like inside my skull and just makes stuff up to freak me out. Oh dear, I’m sounding a little insane there aren’t I? I should say before I go any further that I know there’s no goblin in my brain. Well, I’m mostly sure of that.

This grotesque creature grabs a passing thought and weaves it into an intricate and totally believable (at the time) story that I respond to as if true. For example, I’m on several panels, which lots of people find nerve-wracking, but the goblin can spin the most elaborate images of embarrassment, humiliation and all manner of failures just from the schedule alone.

Sometimes I can say “hang on, it’s really unlikely that I’ll be struck down with bubonic plague five minutes before the panel” but other times it’s more subtle. It just whispers little tales of how I’ll be exposed as knowing absolutely nothing about the topic / writing / being an author / roleplaying games / insert other item of my neurosis in front of a lot of people. Sometimes there are no people there at all, usually when I think ahead to my reading slot, but I reckon that’s a universal author fear.

I’m trying practise being mindful of the undercurrent to stop myself reacting to these goblin tales, but it’s hard when filled with rabid dog pursuit levels of adrenalin. I’m trying to remember all of the times over the past two years when I’ve been this terrified before an event and it’s gone brilliantly. If only the goblin could be defeated with empirical evidence!

The other thing I’m doing to cope is sewing. Back in January I went to the SFX Weekender and made a costume for the masquerade. It was the best distraction technique I’ve found to date. I’m making two outfits for Worldcon with a stupidly short deadline (made all the more exciting by two sewing machines breaking down on me this week) because it’s so much easier to channel my anxiety into “will I get them finished in time?” rather than “I’m not brave enough to go to Chicago, let’s hide under the duvet until September”.

So here I am, in a house filled with bits of fabric and a head full of goblin tales as the days tick on towards the big adventure. Yes, that’s it, it’s a big adventure and I’m a big brave soldier.

Eeep.

Editing Madness

I’ve been editing the second book of the Split Worlds series for the last month and to be honest, I feel a little ragged. I always get horribly miserable when editing and thought it might be a good idea to write it all out instead of letting it fester. I want to salvage something other than an improved manuscript from the experience.

Lies, damn lies

The Crazy always gets strong when I’m editing. Nah, who am I kidding; I’m always managing the Crazy. It just gets particularly loud in this stage of a book’s evolution. Here’s the two thoughts it most frequently produces:

“This book is a steaming pile of excrement that would do more good spread over a local field.”

Ah, that one comes up again and again. I’m sure all writers believe this at some point.

“My agent / publisher / grandmother / every book reviewer * will hate this book.”

* any of these and others appeared at one point

Sometimes it’s just that worrisome thought, sometimes it’s a scene played out in my head like a film. My anxiety demons have a huge special effects budget. Gits.

I’ve been living with anxiety long enough to be able to know that thinking something is true does not mean that thing is true.

As for whether my book is good, bad or steaming and stinky there is only one thing for me to remember: I cannot really know at this stage. All I can do is tell the story that needs to come out in the best way that I can. That’s why I have my agent Jen (thank goodness!) and all the other people between the book leaving my brain and ending up in the hands of the book-buying public. Agents and editors are able to see what works and what doesn’t better than I can right now.

Pernicious perfectionism

The other reason editing gets me down is that I spend hours every day finding errors and things I could have done better. My perfectionist streak flares up worse than asthma on a damp October morning and before I realise what’s happened my mood has plummeted. Someone on Twitter (sorry, I can’t remember who) was talking about how they love editing because they can see their book getting better. Alas, if only I could focus so well on the positive; for me, editing is a close examination of all of the things I’ve screwed up.

The mental game

The Olympics are on at the time of writing this and I’ve heard a lot of people talk about the importance of the mind when competing in sport. I’m as sporty as a broken teapot so I can’t really speak from extensive sporting experience but editing this latest book has given me a new appreciation of the importance of managing one’s mind in the writing life. During this latest edit I’ve been grumpy, I’ve lost faith in myself and I’ve believed – really believed – that I’m going to fail. But none of it is real. The only thing that really exists is the steady forwards progress, day after day, chapter after chapter until finally I reach the end and send it off to the robot overlords.

I’ve come to realise that the separation of mood and editing is just as important as the separation of mood and writing. That’s something I’m going to hang onto when I plunge into the next round of edits. That, and a large cup of tea.

Does any of this sound familiar or are you one of those lucky souls who can breeze through edits without having to wrestle demons on the way? Any advice on how to stay sane?

The only thing you need to know about Twitter

I’m giving a talk this evening (2nd July 2012) at Frome Library about social media for writers, and Twitter is one of the three main topics I’ll cover. (The other two are Facebook and blogging – this is not in order of importance I hasten to add).

I’ve given a similar talk on two other occasions and it’s always Twitter that people want to know about. Many have already tried and abandoned it. I did the same. It took three attempts over a six month period for me to “get it” and now, over three years later, I can point to it as one of the most important things I did in my writing career to date. Other than writing the books of course.

People want to know if there’s a secret. I usually shy away from that kind of thinking, but if I had to sum up the most important thing I’ve realised about Twitter it’s this:

Twitter is a pub.

That’s it. Twitter is a virtual pub, bar or café, depending on your personal taste. It’s always open, there are always people there and there are always conversations to dive into or just sit back and absorb passively. And when you follow the right people on Twitter, it’s like the best pub in the world.

I’ve used the pub analogy for some time now as a sanity check before I tweet anything. For example, if I type a kneejerk response to something, asking myself “Would I say this in pub?” will always make me pause and think twice (and usually delete the words). The other sanity check I use is “do I want this to exist forever?” which I apply to everything I do and say online. But that’s for another post.

Back to the pub

I’ve realised lately that it can also explain why I find receiving auto-DMs so unpalatable (a direct message sent as soon as you follow someone), especially the ones containing links to a person’s book on Amazon or their website. For me, this is the social equivalent of noticing someone glance at you in the pub and marching over to stand in front of them and say “Thanks for standing in the same pub as me, please buy my book!” Not only is that something we would (I hope) never, ever do in real life, when it happens to me on Twitter I feel reduced to nothing more than a potential customer, rather than a person who could become a friend.

Some people just auto-DM a brief “thanks for following” and whilst I find those less offensive than the “buy-my-book” brigade, it still grates. I don’t thank someone for standing in the same group of people as me in the pub and potentially taking an interest in what I’m saying, and I certainly don’t try to grab people’s attention by pulling them aside and saying “I’m so glad you’re listening to me”.

A DM has to be worth the trouble

It’s not just that an auto-DM breaks my sense of being in virtual pub, it’s also the fact that when I get a DM it makes another column on my phone app light up, something I then have to manually mark as read to make the icon go away. I only want to do that for DMs that are important, like genuine private conversations, not something that would be more appropriate as a normal tweet. I love it when I start to follow someone and they strike up a conversation in that way, because that’s just what it’s like at the pub.

Back to the positives

One of the other things this analogy is starting to clarify for me is how much I post links to my blog posts and sometimes (rarely) my own books. I’ve seen a few high profile authors ask whether this kind of stuff annoys the people who follow them and every time the answer is the same: It isn’t annoying if it’s only a small proportion of what you talk about.

It makes perfect sense. We don’t want to sit around a pub table with someone constantly going on about where to buy their book and what other people have said about it. But if we are friends with that person, if they chat about all kinds of things (you know, like a normal person) and also chat about other people’s passions, the occasional mention of their own stuff isn’t just okay, it’s welcomed.

Not everyone wants the same thing

Of course this is just the way I’ve come to enjoy Twitter over the last three years, it may not be the same for you. You may use auto-DMs and think I’m full of rubbish. Like all things, Twitter can be used in a variety of ways, for example, some people like to be an authority and broadcast information in their field. In my mind, they all have their nooks in the giant virtual pub, standing on a box so the people who want to listen can hear them, but they never converse with the crowd. It’s not wrong, just different to the way I like to hang out there.

There’s no booze in the Twitter pub but…

… there are interesting people, links to cool stuff, friends to make and the opportunity to chat with people you’d never have the chance to have a beer with in real life (due to geographical constraints or the fact that they’re very famous).

And the option to just unfollow someone who is upsetting you is a definite advantage over a real world pub, I can tell you.

 

This is not a girl thing

I’m angry. No, that’s such an understatement it’s not even funny. I am teeth-grindingly and fist clenchingly furious. For the last five minutes I’ve tried to do other things, thinking that I mustn’t write this whilst my blood is roaring and my palms are sweating but I can’t do anything else. This has to come out now.

What has caused this rage? Something from the Daily Mail? Something said on Twitter in a thoughtless moment? No. It was this: WARNING: watching this may make you burst a blood vessel. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZtMmt5rC6g&noredirect=1)

This is a video released by the European Commission as a “teaser” to a campaign designed to attract more women to careers in science.

Let me say that again: released by the European Commission. Not a beauty magazine, not a cosmetics company but a government organisation.

There are so many things wrong with this I simply don’t know where to start. Shall I talk about how the girls in the video are dressed in outfits designed to sexualise them? Shall I discuss the direction which so artfully opens the video with a man in lab coat (i.e. “dressed as a scientist”) using a microscope (i.e. “doing science”) being distracted by three girls with legs up to their elbows strutting in high heels. Shall I discuss what’s wrong with how they stand there all “aren’t I powerful in my sexual pose as I grind my stiletto heel into the ground” and dazzle the “scientist” with their huge sex appeal so much so he has to put his glasses on to admire them?

Seriously, my heart is racing with rage here. And that’s only the first seven seconds of this tripe.

Perhaps I could talk about splicing images of blusher powder, lipstick and chemistry equipment, the constant cuts to cute girls flashing eyes over sunglasses and twirling like they’re advertising bloody hair dye.

It's written in lipstick, it must be for me! Not.

Or perhaps I could discuss the extraordinary genius of having the logo for this initiative written in lipstick.

I’m sorry but what the fuck is the message here? Science is just as exciting as make-up? Do science girls, don’t worry you will still be sexy enough to attract men? Don’t believe the stories that only ugly women have brains – look here’s the proof (not in the scientific sense of course)? Learn about all of that very clever stuff scientists made to make you look pretty?

I’d love to sit down with the team who came up with this and ask them what they were on when they brainstormed this. Perhaps it went something like this:

Ad person 1: Women and science… women and science… okay, we need to reassure girls they won’t turn into ugly spinsters if they put on a lab coat.

Ad person 2: We need to speak to modern girls here, what do girls like? How do we reach them?

Ad person 1: Pink. They love pink. And make-up. Yeah, let’s make this… aspirational, we’ll have cute girls being sexy AND images of scientific stuff. We’ll associate scientific stuff with being a sexy girl!

Ad person 2: Dude, you are a fucking genius. Girls will watch it and be desperate to do science.

Ad person 1: Let’s go look at the latest Maybelline ads for some inspiration, they’re full of the pretty young girls our target market want to be like.

I wish I had been there. Was a single woman involved in this project? I would happily eat my tea cup if any scientists – male or female – were shown this before it was released.

But this is just one weevil in the barrel of rotting biscuits

I’ve been getting angry a lot more recently. The portrayal of women in the mass media, the marketing of products to girls, the way women are addressed in advertising – there is a hell of a lot wrong with the bigger picture. The thing is, whilst I hate it, I see why advertisers are keen to make us obsessed with feeling like shit about ourselves; it sells more products.

What’s tragic is that the EC isn’t trying to sell make-up, it’s not even trying to sell a product. It’s trying to change behaviour by buying into the bullshit that has created the perceived problem. How silly of me to think that a government organisation could rise above that.

They can’t do it alone, it would take change on a massive scale, at all levels of society. You want to attract more girls to science? How about encouraging them to pursue their intellectual interests at an early age instead of bombarding them with the constant and consistent message that being popular and pretty is the most important thing to aspire to?

How about not making the basic assumption that if someone is a girl they like pink, like make-up and have the sole desire to attract a (handsome and rich) man?

When people ask why feminism is still (sadly) relevant all I need to do is show them this. So thank you European Commission for getting this so very, very wrong. You’ve summed up all that is broken about the way girls and women are portrayed in mass media in a handy 53 second long video, now at the centre of a social media car crash. Just a pity it’s the very opposite of the message you’re trying to get across.

I wouldn’t normally do this…

… but I really do want to win a certain competition and I need your help to do it. I can’t stand self-promotion, as many of you know, so the prize has to be something ace for me to be asking you, and it is: an iPad.

You need to be an iPhone or iPad owner to help (or be able to ask someone who owns one to read this post).

You get a free story in return by the way. So this is the skinny:

Ether Books provide a free app for iPhones through which you can access all kinds of splendid short stories and things and I’ve been impressed with how they’re embracing tech to deliver quick reads for commutes and stolen moments in the day.

They’re running a sci-fi and fantasy short story competition, basically the author of the story with the most downloads wins an iPad. This is where you, kind iPhone / iPad owner come in

There are three steps:

1) Get the free Ether app – direct link in iTunes store

2) Search for my story

3) Download my story (and hopefully read and enjoy it!)

The competition runs for the rest of this week, so if you can do it right now, I’d be really grateful.

Getting the free Ether app – in pictures!

 

 

 

In case the pictures aren’t clear on your screen the steps are: Search for “Ether” in the Apple App Store (or click here to go directly), download it like any other free app, tap on it to open once downloaded.

Finding my story

You can search for “Emma Newman” and it should take you to this screenshot (I can’t check as I don’t own an iPhone!) You tap on “Free” to download it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me know if you’ve downloaded it, so I can thank you and enlist heavy-breasted maidens to sing your name down the ages. Okay, maybe just the first part…

Thanks!

No News is Good News

Whenever I’ve heard that in the past it’s made me grumpy. It’s one of those things trotted out to make worried people feel better. However, in the case of the Split Worlds, it’s absolutely true.

I’ve been quiet lately; every week since November last year I was faithfully releasing a new Split Worlds story, chatting about it, writing the books and then… nothing. Over the past month or so I’ve been very quiet online, only returning to Twitter this last week.

I promised to explain why and that time has finally come: I have signed a deal with Angry Robot Books: they are going to publish the Split Worlds!

I can’t believe it. Even now, writing this, it still feels unreal. If you’re reading this it means the official announcement has been made (I’m writing this whilst it’s still a secret) and it’s been so hard not to explain why I had to drop tools. The last few weeks have been full of anxious waiting, first for the results of the acquisitions meeting, then the process of finding an agent to negotiate the deal I suddenly found myself with. None of this was planned, if you want to know more about the way this came about, I wrote a guest post for Adam Christopher’s blog which tells the story.

What does this mean for the Split Worlds project?

As regular readers here will know, The Split Worlds was originally a self-publishing project. Now it will benefit from the incredible support from Angry Robot and their amazing authors, their spectacularly cool cover design (look at Empire State, Seven Wonders and Blackbirds for just a small sample of these) and their brilliant marketing support and global distribution that really does get books into shops across the UK and US….

I still plan to release fifty-four stories building up to the release of the first book, there will just be a little pause in the middle. The weekly stories will resume on September 6th 2012, but if you sign up here you’ll get every story, one a week, from beginning to end. I also still plan to do some game/ARG/cool events around launch time.

But what about the investor?

Well, after Lee asked whether I would consider placing the Split Worlds with Angry Robot (holy teapots, that was a great moment I can tell you!) the first thing I thought was “But can I even do that?” I had a contract with an investor, a plan, and the possibility of it being picked up by a publisher never came into it. I designed a way to live the life I needed and wanted now, would that all be impossible if I was published traditionally?

I talked it over with my investor, who was completely unsurprised and very cool about it. We’ve changed our arrangement, it’s all good and full of happiness.

What now?

Well, I’m working on edits that have come in from my agent (Jennifer Udden at the Donald Maass Agency in New York) for the first book. I’m developing ideas for a completely new project and will very soon be resuming work on the third Split Worlds book after I’ve had a long chat with Lee at Angry Robot.

Anxiety Wrangling

I must confess, I’ve been a mess since this all started. My anxiety went off the chart and I have really been freaking out over the past week in particular, in the build-up to the announcement. And there is still a part of me that really can’t believe this. Even though I’m not a debut author, I feel like one all over again because Angry Robot is such a respected imprint and the exposure this deal will get, and the books will get is so much more than anything I’ve experienced before now.

But that’s to write about another time. Let’s focus on the positive. No, not “the positive” – the freakishly unbelievable and amazingly unlikely happy news that I am to be one of Angry Robot’s authors. And I am pleased as Punch about it. When I’m not hiding under my duvet that is.