Alan Orloff's Blog, page 27

Rested and Relaxed

I'm baaaaack!

(And whoever's been partying on my blog, well, it took me a couple days to clean up the mess (Jan!). Next time, I'll have to get a blogsitter!)

Anyway, I'll post a little about my vacation, once I get caught up with a few things here at the ranch. I hope you enjoyed the reruns, and thanks for your comments.

Please be sure to visit the blog tomorrow when my friend, and all-around good gal, Sue Ann Jaffarian guest posts, introducing us to her just-released book, MURDER IN...

My Last Superpower^

^Summer is for reruns, so…

I have an unsightly (and quite itchy) rash on one arm and both legs. Red, scaly blotches, little bumps, altogether angry skin. As I undressed in my dermatologist's office (coincidentally, I was there for my annual check-up*), I noticed a wall chart explaining poison oak, poison sumac, and poison ivy.

Couldn't be. I've always been impervious to poison ivy. It was my last remaining superpower.** I could roll around in a bed of poison ivy and come away unscathed...

Plodding Along^

^Summer is for reruns, so…

Some famous wag/wit/writer once quipped, "I don't like writing. I like having written."

That's how I feel about jogging. I don't like jogging, I like having jogged.* 

While out on recent jog, I was struck by how similar writing and jogging are.

Both are solitary pursuits. When I write, I stick my butt in my chair and keep my fingers on the keyboard. With jogging, it's all about feet pounding pavement. Left, right. Left right. Nobody trails along or peers...

Don't Make Me Say Cheese^

^Summer is for reruns, so…

I don't like being photographed.

I don't like having to smile on command, I don't like looking plastic, and I don't like it when photographers contort you into some kind of preposterous pose.

Okay, now put three fingers of your left hand an inch to the right of the centerline of your jaw and shift your weight onto your right side and throw your head back just a tad while turning your shoulders and flexing your knees. And smile!

Hey, if I wanted to play...

Enough Already^

^Summer is for reruns, so…

Signs that you should stop fussing with the manuscript you're working on (and move on to the next project):

Your critique partners no longer answer your emails or return your calls. You've memorized the first twenty pages, word for word.  Your spouse has memorized the first twenty pages word for word, from hearing you recite them in your sleep. You've changed the main character's name from Ryan to Bryan to Brian to Brianna to Elvis to Zzvt#%gr to...

Dear Blogging Monkey

Welcome to another installment of Dear Blogging Monkey.

Dear Blogging Monkey:

I understand you are taking a week off from the Internet. Sure, you'll have some rerun blog posts, but there will be no commenting, no Tweeting, no Facebooking. No nothing. I also understand the fabulous Sue Ann Jaffarian will be guest blogging here on September 8th. In addition, I understand you think you're mildly amusing. Could all this possibly be true?

Signed,
Big Fan of the Blog

 

Dear BFOTB,

Yes...

Nom de Bad Guy^

^Summer is for reruns, so…

Darth Vader, Voldemort, Saddam Hussein, Professor Moriarty, Hannibal Lechter. All bad guys. All with great "bad guy" names (and one isn't even fictional!). Without even reading/seeing their story, I'd guess they were bad dudes. Why is that?

I'm no linguistics professor, but I can detect a few underlying "clues." "Darth Vader" sounds like "Dark Invader." Voldemort and Moriarty have "mort" or "mor" in their names, bringing death immediately to mind. "Hannibal"...

The Idea Store^

^Summer is for reruns, so…

It's a common question for writers:

Where do you get your ideas?

I used to get my ideas from local, independent, mom-and-pop idea stores. Back in the day, it seemed like there was one on every corner. You'd wander in, not quite sure what you were looking for, and some nice--and knowledgeable--idea clerk would come over, chat with you for a while, then walk you over to a certain shelf and select the perfect idea.

Why, that's it! How did you know I wanted...

For Extra Credit

Suppose you're between projects. You're waiting for beta readers to get back to you and you've got some time to write, but you're not sure what to write about. How do you pick something?

Do you:

a) Go to your list of ideas and pull the top one off the stack?

b) Close your eyes, listen to your gut, and start typing about whatever moves you?

c) Systematically evaluate all your options and pick the one you think is most "publishable?"

d) Try out a different genre, different POV, and...

Ten Best Things About Being a Writer

Usually, the dog days of summer don't affect me. I'm content to plod along on whatever project I happen to be involved in. This year, for some reason—be it the unrelenting heat, the monsoon-like deluges, or the crazy pace I've been keeping—I'm ready to just kick back and relax. And read some of the dozens of dozens of books in my TBR pile.

So no deep-thinker post today (unlike all my other posts :) ). Instead, a top ten list (with apologies to Mr. Letterman):

 

The Ten Best Things About...