Mark Simpson's Blog, page 4

Arnold Schmahzenegger

How the Austrian Cinders became a Hollywood Prince Two decades ago, during peak metrosexmania in the US, the bodybuilder movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger, never exactly shy about drawing attention to himself – and now running for office – briefly came out as metrosexual. Or at least, welcomed the tag being applied to him. As the ‘father’ of… Read More »Arnold Schmahzenegger

Rock (of Gibraltar on the) Hudson

The steamy private life of the seismically successful Cinemascope stud How tall was Rock Hudson? The answer seems to be ‘it depends’. Wikipedia and others give his height as 6’4”, which seems to be his ‘official’, ‘studio’ height. But some sources give his height as 6’51/2”, and in the 1959 screwball, saucy (for its time) romantic… Read More »Rock (of Gibraltar on the) Hudson

Face Furring: How Britain Grew a Beard

This is how I see all beards. Pogonophiles might call me a pogonophobe – someone with an extreme dislike of beards – but I prefer to think of myself as a lover of the male face. And chin. And jawline. Plus, I’m ticklish. I also like a little mystery: I don’t want to taste what you’ve been eating… Read More »Face Furring: How Britain Grew a Beard

Gagging On The Super-Sweet ‘Heartstopper’

Because I’m quite fond of my tooth enamel, I avoided Netflix’s Heartstopper when it was released last year. I thought me and my pearlies had escaped, but the release of a second series this month, and the accompanying crescendo of critical acclaim (‘critical’ these days means of course ‘gushing’) – along with its promotion to official, untouchable… Read More »Gagging On The Super-Sweet ‘Heartstopper’

Beyond Our Ken: Post Hetero Barbie

Warning: includes plot spoilers (though this is unlikely to change your viewing experience) Like several million others, suddenly remembering there was this thing called ‘a cinema’, I went to see the Barbie film. Why? Partly because it seemed to be a (women’s) flick that I needed to see and have an opinion on – which is just… Read More »Beyond Our Ken: Post Hetero Barbie

Matt Does Spandex

The UK’s biggest pro-sporno goes primetime A few years back, I wrote about YouTube ‘pro-spornos’such as Jeff Seid and David Laid – self-objectifying and self-monetising shredded young men whose aesthetically impressive, under-dressed bodies arouse fascination, envy, and desire on social media, helping convert others to the sexy cult. And thus, into loads of filthy lucre. Matt… Read More »Matt Does Spandex

Mental About The Mentalist

Watching The Metro Columbo I have repeatedly and insistently made you aware of my obsessive interest in the classic – that is, ancient – 1970s TV detective show Columbo. You’ll be glad to know that I have now finished all seven seasons on Amazon Prime. You’ll be even gladder to know that I’m not going to write anything more on it. Except…… Read More »Mental About The Mentalist

The Keep Fit Craze

Set in an upmarket West London health club with ‘central heating and wall-to-wall fitted carpets’, this captivating Pathe newsreel time capsule from 1966 reveals an era when sportswear hasn’t been invented yet – so the guys are doing their exercises on the absorbent-looking shag in their undercrackers and vests. Or just undercrackers. The equipment was… Read More »The Keep Fit Craze

On Feeling Totally Masculine

‘What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine…’ So wrote the late Susan Sontag, in her classic 1964 essay ‘Notes on Camp’. It’s a great, persuasive line, but of course entirely and deliciously subjective. I tend to agree with the famously stern Sapphic… Read More »On Feeling Totally Masculine

When Columbo Met Captain Kirk (& Fell in Love)

My Columbo odyssey continues – I’m now on the sixth season, made in 1976.  Season five was a very bumpy ride – and the show was nearly cancelled – but season six starts with the most exquisitely delightful Columbo episode yet. I didn’t know that William Shatner appeared in Columbo. Google tells me he appeared in not one but two episodes,… Read More »When Columbo Met Captain Kirk (& Fell in Love)