Tom Cox's Blog, page 7

Popular Folk Tales For The 25th Century

Old King Idiot And His Goose



Largely due to the seemingly endless reign of The Sexy Queen, it had been aeons since the country had experienced a genuine simpleton as its sovereign, so when Old King Idiot took over he was a great talking point among the population. “Old King Idiot/Old King Idiot/Got A Goose In His Bed And A Chapati On His Head,” went the popular playground rhyme of the

Derbyshire Walking Notes: Cromford, Crich and Britain's Greatest Bookshop (3.10.2015)

For a year, maybe longer, I saw a tower in my dreams, again and again, looming over a giant rock face, in the mist. I'd seen it many times in reality too but it wasn't until I went walking in Derbyshire with my parents back in March that I realised what it was: Crich Memorial Tower, better known to locals as Crich Stand, built in 1923 in remembrance of members of the Sherwood Foresters

Top Tips For Countryside Dating

As most people who have lived there for any length of time as a single person will know, finding romance in the countryside can be extremely difficult. There aren’t many people in it, for one thing, and many of those are members of your family. It is also likely that most of the other people there will be very old - 33 or even 37, in one amazing case near me, which I can only put down to the

Couple Of Maps I Made

Diary Of A Short Book Tour

8th October, 2015

My new book is out today. This coincides with the nominal birthday of my cat The Bear (all I really know is that he was born “around this time” in 1995, as he’s a rescue cat). In the post, with perfect timing, The Bear receives a celebratory bottle of champagne and helium-filled balloon. I, meanwhile, receive a reminder about the upcoming renewal of my car insurance. 

Dartmoor Walking Notes, 29.9.2015: Hembury Woods

Chainsaws seemingly everywhere in the countryside surrounding my house this morning. Unfortunately they were switched on, too, so I took my notebook to Hembury Woods in an attempt to get some writing done. For this journey I was accompanied by The Blackberry, a dog belonging to my friend Susie, who, before it was pointed out to her that he resembled a blackberry, used to be named Billy. Our

I Met A Dog On The Internet And I Am Not Ashamed About It

Billy and I were sitting outside a pub on the north eastern edge of Dartmoor, inhaling a much-needed pint when the septuagenarian lady in the Barbour jacket approached us. Well, I was inhaling a much-needed pint; Billy, who is a miniature-toy poodle cross, was inhaling some much needed water from a margarine tub beneath the table with “DOG ALE” scrawled on it in black marker pen. Billy had a

Dartmoor Walking Notes, 24.9.2015: The Bowerman's Nose And Hound Tor

Lots of jobs to do today, a lost phone to replace and three inboxes full of unanswered correspondence, so I decided to do what I often do in these situations: sod it all off, get in the car, head up to Dartmoor and climb a stack of weathered granite. I've somehow not managed to visit The Bowerman's Nose in my dozens of walks on the moor over the last couple of years, which is a severe

The Cat: An Ancient Folk Tale

Once upon a time, a man, a woman and a cat were walking through a deep forest. All three had walked for what felt like a thousand miles and all but the smallest member of the party balanced precariously on blistered, swollen feet. Night had fallen only an hour ago but its polished granite blackness above the treetops seemed to hint at a stark permanence and corresponding adjustments to the way

Diary Entries About Moths And Otters

July 18th, 2014
I now appear to be living with five cats. I didn't intend to live with five cats. I already had four but one had clearly heard on the grapevine that I was a soft touch and was waiting in a bush for me when I moved to my house here in Devon in spring so, after a few weeks of what I kidded myself was resistance, I decided to take pity on him. Maybe having five cats isn't really a