Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 101

It's Just a Heart Attack! I've Had Worse!

 Can you see the Black Knight from Monty Python's Holy Grail about now? After reading the title of this blog you're probably thinking..."Oh my gosh, are you serious? Did you really have a heart attack, but you say you've had worse?"  Yeah, I mean, I had a heart attack at work, but I've had worse! I had to fail a kid (student) once for plagiarism. I'm still not over that one. I mean, it's the worst thing ever; no one recovers from that. Plagiarism is the deepest, heaviest, ugliest black hole in the universe. Once you fall into that pit you're gone - - just, gone.  I sent that kid into oblivion. 

    OK, but back to the day I had the heart attack while teaching; because that was memorable to say the least.  I had just started the afternoon course of Introduction to Ethics, and it was the day of our Mid Finals; so somewhere in the beginning of November.  It wasn't cold yet, and it wasn't warm. I remember I had on a brown sweater; my favorite brown sweater, and that played a role in the whole could-have-been-an-out-of-mind-experience later in the middle of the attack.  I was standing up at the front of the class having just passed out the tests (little packets of about 8 pages each).  I had instructed the students not to turn the tests over yet, not until I put up a few tips and/or cheats on the whiteboard. I was always known for allowing the students a 10-minute cheating exercise just before a test so that they could get all their cheating out of their systems!  I wrote on the board, they took notes on their tests, they exchanged notes with anyone and everyone about anything for 10 minutes, and we ring the bell, sit down, turn the tests over and begin. Simple, right? Not this time.

    I think we were about six minutes into the ten minute cheating period when from out of no where my left hand decides to slack off and declare war on the rest of my body; it took that side of my chest with it when it made it's painful proclamation. Having already passed out the tests I could not retract them without causing the students (I keep saying kids in my mind, but these guys were over the age of 18) to have to reschedule their tests; and nullifying a test was something you only did in emergencies. I didn't think my personal health (or lack of health) condition warranted me doing that.  I decided to sacrafice one student to save the whole class.  Immediately, I made eye contact with a kid named Ian, who I absolutely loved as a student, had some real respect for, and I decided that since he had me for two separate classes he could take this Ethics test during his next Philosophy class; and BAM, all would be just fine.

        I'm over at the board winking, wiggling my nose, thumping my dead arm against the whiteboard trying to get Ian's attention; and he's sitting chill-laxed at my desk with his feet up talking to a pretty co-ed friend of his about something way other than Ethics, I can assure you!  I finally was able to get Ian's attention and he gave me the nod that basically let me know he saw me, but he was thinking I was thinking he needed to be thinking about the test  - NOPE, think again!  I made my eyes really big and sort of snorted at him for a couple of seconds and motioned for him to come to my assistance!  Ian finally caught on, and was at my side in a flash!  I sort of whispered into his ear that I may be having a heart attack and asked him to walk me slowly and without much notice, to the hall, and then I asked him to proctor the test -- assuring him that he could take the test later that week if he wanted to. He was all about that; no problem there, and he even offered to call the ambulance. NO! I told him, if there are sirens and such the test will be interrupted. I could stick it out, and if not I would just die and go see Jesus.  Ian nodded, helped me lay down on the ground in the hall, went back into the room, and promptly called the ambulance -- damn kid. (HOWEVER, he did tell the 9-1-1 dispatcher that I would prefer no sirens. They didn't care. They sent the ambo with the blaring sirens.)

        To my credit, I was willing to die for the cause!  God saw things in another light, and He decided that the school would not nullify the tests, I would not die, and all would end well that sort of started out scary as Hell.  Ian protected perfectly, and I think he even got a pass on taking the test all together since his grades were up high enough to warrant skipping the Mid Final.  Woot!  Can I pick them or what? When the ambulance came I was laying on the floor with my arms straight up in the air. I was holding my cell phone and texting my son to let him know I may be dying. I was asking him to take care of Laura, and to be sure Brandon finished enrolling for the Spring classes at my college. I remember looking at my brown sweater and thinking how pretty it was; that this shade of mocha was just the right color for this wonderful Autumn afternoon, and that after I got home I needed to hang up my sweater since I really hadn't worn it long enough to wash it just yet. Yep, those are the things you think about when you're dying on the floor of the college you teach at and you're 100% sure that if you do go ahead and die you'll go to Heaven anyway and this is just another day - - wow, how our minds work.

        So you know, Ian went on to graduate. I think of him from time to time as I wonder what must have been going through his mind when he was proctoring the test and trying to keep a straight face about where the professor was.  This was an Ethics class after all; makes me wonder if Ian thought he needed to call the ambulance for me or obey my wishes - - I think he made the right call.  The trip to the hospital was not to be, the doctors on campus ran over to see what was going on, and decided that they could run tests on me right there.  After a few tests and questions I was released to my son, who had left work to be by my side - - and my diagnosis was simple: I needed to both lose weight and manage my stress. I had to work with these doctors and they thought I was FAT - Oh yeah, let's work on that, because that's going to happen, right?  I'm working on the weight thing now, so many years later, and yeah, I'm also working on the stress thing - - I'm giving up my life and everything I know about it. I'm moving to a foreign country where I am the one who will be speaking funny, and I'll have time to learn how to both play guitar and properly cook Haggis.  (I won't actually cook Haggis, I just said that. There will be no Haggis for me. )

Kick Him Out! He's 16 Already!

 When Baby Boy (Reuben) was just over shy of being 16.5 years old, I had the brilliant (can you see me laughing) idea to go ahead and kick him out of the house because he was (A) eating everything I bought faster than I could unload it from the car and stash into a cabinet, (B) he was beginning to show a bit too much manliness around a house full of girls, two of which were only 13 and 12 years old, and (C) he found himself being late for school and football practice when he missed the bus and I couldn't take him to school.  We had a bus driver at that time, who wasn't sure she wanted to actually drive kids to and from school; she would show up when she felt like it, sometimes on time, sometimes late, sometimes not at all. Of course, she was terminated, but that didn't help my son's football coach's opinion as to why he wasn't at early morning practice, or even 1st hour, which was required.

The easiest and probably best solution would have been to simply take Reuben to school on my way to work, but the real issue was, he needed to be at school by 7:00 a.m. for practice, and my girls were unable to be trusted to wake themselves, dress, eat, gather homework, bags, make themselves lunch, and head off down the road to school, even if the school was only three short blocks away. It would never have happened. I decided to rent an apartment for Reuben that was literally across the street from the school, maybe down a block, but just there, and he could wake up, roll out of bed, shower and run across the street (hopefully he too would dress first) and make it to school on time. I never EVER worried about whether or not Reuben would have enough to eat. That thought has never and will never enter my brain. The boy has been self-sufficient in that practice for literally his entire life. There have been times I've taken him to a pizza party of a friend and found him asking people at tables near by if they're going to eat the rest of their pizza.  He's been a food whore since Day 1, and no one was safe from his abilities to make them look off to the side long enough for him to grab whatever it was on their plate that he felt was fair game. (Of course, at his age now, I'm hoping he doesn't do that to anyone other than myself or his wife, but at 16 the world was quite literally his plate to grab from.)

The little one bedroom apartment was upstairs, about 700 square feet if I remember, it was fully furnished with appliances and had free water and cable hook up.  He would be responsible to pay his utilities, buy his own food, and get himself to and from school.  How would he do that without a job you ask? Oh, there was a pizza joint just to the other side of the school and I can honestly say with bubbling pride in my soul, that my son, my Baby Boy began working at that pizza joint the day after he turned 16 and he remained on the job until he was over 17 years old, and felt it was necessary to change jobs. Reuben claimed that moving from Little Caesar's Pizza to Hooters was strictly for the increase in money - - why shouldn't I believe him? He's my son!  I can also, honestly say with pride in my soul, that my son was never late for work when he worked at Hooters, and he was always willing to stay later than his shift. I'm just saying, what a dedicated worker, that boy! (Laughs)

I paid the rent for the apartment and he paid the bills. It was a win-win for everyone, and until the day he showed up at my door about eight months into it, claiming that he had had just about enough of his friends partying, leaving trash everywhere, and refusing to leave so he could sleep, it was going just fine until then.  Reuben was asking to come back to live with us, swore he'd buy his own food if I would just help him get a car so he could make it to school and work on time. Wait, what? He was tired of the partying? Yes, that's what I said. I knew there would be parties, but I also knew my son, and knew he wouldn't allow anything that could get him kicked off the football team or fired from his job. He's normal, average, and basic, like any other over grown teen, but he was also smart enough to draw the lines and hold himself to it. He'd ended up calling the Warr Acres police a few too many times to have them force his friends and their friends out of his apartment at 2:00 a.m. so he could at least get a few hours sleep!

Just under and to the side of his place was a real live Army soldier woman named Ashley.  She was 19, pretty, absolutely in great shape, and had a bit of authoritarian in her. Sometimes Reuben never had to call the police, he'd just go downstairs and ask Ashley to come up and kick people out! She was usually willing to do that; and he was usually willing to ask her to stay for a night cap when she did. I'm not sure if Ashley had much of an influence of the decision Reuben made to join the Army, but join he did. He and Ashley had an agreement, that if she turned 30 before she married they would marry each other. That actually nearly happened, but in the end Reuben found himself in Iraq when Ashley found her true love; they are still married, Reuben is married to Josie, and all is well on that front. 

Looking back on it, I can see the absolute folly of my ways, and I know I would never recommend kicking your boy out of the house and paying for him to have his own place at the tender and ridiculous age of just over 16 years old, but without a father in the house to help with the wrangling, having three to situate was  hard to handle in the mornings.  Kicking one out of the nest was the only real solution, and that one baby bird happened to be the bigger of the three. It wasn't the smartest, brightest, even the most common sense thing to do, but he survived, the Warr Acres police knew him by name so that years into their "relationship" they often gave him a pass for speeding through their fair city, since he was so diligent about not partying with minors at his own place. They were quite impressed, to be honest. They even let me pay the $1500 he owed them on the day he was swearing into the U.S. Army, rather than issuing a warrant for his arrest. Sweet people! (again, laughing)

One down, and two to go. I had my oldest on his own for a while. He learned so much about doing his own laundry, preparing food, cleaning dishes, making beds, throwing out trash, getting to work and school on time with time to spare to steal his breakfast from unwitting freshmen who hadn't yet realized that Reuben's smile and bright green eyes are weapons of destruction - - he's not flirting ladies, he's taking your egg sandwich; and ... he's gone!   He survived. They survived. We all survived.

Reuben Stringfellow and Ashley Delisle 2017

New Page, New Chapter, New Book, New Library.

 In time, perhaps in the next few months even, I will be going through a great deal of changes not only in my personal life, but in my spiritual life as well.  I am at a point, a dividing point, some would call it a fork in the road, but I don't see it as a place to make decisions other than to follow the direction God is leading me.  I asked Him to show me the way, and then I asked Him to open (literally) every door that positions itself in front of me.  I am openly, decidedly, voluntarily, and purposely, following God's will in my life, and in doing so, I will have the glorious benefit of reaping every blessing He decides to shower on me, which will (according to Psalms 37:4) include the desires of my heart.  EVERY LAST ONE of them.

I've written the first Jude's Almost Daily Blog Book, and it's in the print and publishing process now.  I'm writing the 2nd book, as well as rewriting 2 books I wrote in the past, so that I can submit them through the same publisher as I am with now.  Soon, perhaps in six months or so, I should have four books with this particular publisher, and I'll be writing children's books; a series really, and a sleazy greasy old-time detective novel as well. By sleazy I don't mean highly sexed, it will be lower grade writing than what I'm accustomed to writing, so that I can give my brain an exercise in stretching its own muscles. I'll intentionally misspell words, use poor grammar (God help me) and possibly even allow the character to plagiarize.  You have no idea what affect that will have on my soul -- I may not survive it. I personally will not be plagiarizing, but I will allow the character to do so, probably just before he goes to confession or dies!

There will be changes, challenges, maybe even a little mayhem with all the differences I'm about to encounter, but my God is huge. He will see me through it, and He will provide every thing and everything I need to both survive and thrive.  I haven't attended a church in years, choosing to be a part of the online services of The Superior Word in Sarasota, Florida with Pastor Charlie Garrett, and Calvary Chapel Kaneohe with J.D. Farag in Hawaii.  I will become a member of a local Baptist church probably in or near Stirling, Scotland, so that I can be an active volunteer for Bethany Christian Trust at least once a week, maybe more often. BCT requests that a person who is volunteering with them be an active member of a local church; so I guess I'll become a member of a local church so I can check off that box and be in compliance with their requirements.

I'm leaving my family here in the States. I'm leaving my friends as well, and for a while, I'll even leave my dog, but I can bring her after she's been properly vetted.  Maybe I can have my best friends vetted and bring them over as well -- it's a thought.  I don't feel badly or even apprehensive about leaving my family because I know how to reach them, we talk all the time online, and they're only a call or Facetime away -- the internet has at least done that for all of us.  It has and does allow me to change the colors of my palette. I am about to change the words, the meaning, the connotations and the very core of my existence; a new page in life, but also a new chapter. In fact, I will be rewriting the entire book and placing it in an entirely new library; a Scottish one. I'm not worried about it, or even nervous, I'm just counting the days and making the plans so that it all goes the way it should - - but then again, I'm also just watching as God opens those doors and allows me, even invites me, to walk through them.

Changes are not bad. Challenges are not dreaded. Service is everything. It didn't really take this long to figure it all out, but it did take this long for the plan to be unveiled. The pretty package is about to be unwrapped and put to good use.  Thank you, Jesus. 

Little Things That Can Become Quite Large (2008 Repost from Sensual Goodness)

 I really did want to tell him that morning that his pants were unzipped. I really did but then he'd possibly feel uncomfortable and neither of us needed that right then. Maybe when he went to the bathroom earlier in my apartment, he had buttoned but had forgotten to finish the job. It didn't matter. I just told myself that he'd figure it out pretty soon and maybe I could spare him the little embarrassed feelings that we get when intimate things become - well, exposed. (I can't believe I said that, I was thinking it but I shouldn't write it down.) 

 
Journals aren't for that kind of talk. My mother told me time and time again how anyone who picked up my diaries could tell right away what I was thinking and really, isn't that the point? They shouldn't be reading my diary, but then again, maybe I shouldn't be writing about my new boyfriend's pants being unzipped except there was something else. Something kind of sweet and funny at the same time. I'm not good at talking about it so writing helps. 
 
Now I'm only saying this because it was just so cute. Maybe cute isn't the right word. Not cute like a puppy is cute, but cute you know, like silly and possibly sexy too. If it had been anyone else, I swear to God I wouldn't say a word, well I wouldn't write a word but it wasn't someone else it was him. It was Callum, and we're dating. There, I said it. I don't care if anyone knows. I can admit that right? But I didn't think that inviting a man over to help me spruce up my apartment would somehow equate to it being the first time I actually saw his - - his you know, oh hell what do you call it if you can't say the real word? I hate the word cock; I just won't use it. OK for the sake of being flamboyant and fun I'll call it his turtle because that's exactly what it reminded me of; the head of a little turtle just peeking out and looking around trying for the life of him to figure out where the pond was - - no, I shouldn't write it out, I know. 
 
We were just painting my apartment Sunday. I couldn't look at the four beige walls another day. I asked Callum to come by and bring a can of any color he thought might brighten up the place. He and his dad paint military buildings for a living. Not that I thought drab gray or brown would be nice, but maybe when they got around to painting the inside of the children's ward at the hospital there might be something left over, just even a half of a gallon of anything, I really didn't care. He picked a pastel. He brought me something called Chamomile and it was soft. I really liked it. My bedroom would finally be livable and if the turtle had anything to do with it, it would be useful as well. Oh, stop it. I can't do this. Someone is going to think I'm nuts and tell on me. I'm going to catch it for even thinking what I was thinking. 
 
The thought occurred to me that he wasn't, or probably wasn't wearing any underwear if the ever growing (now tortoise) was showing interest in me - I mean Callum, the guy with the smiling face up top was looking pretty interested in my paint-stained overalls, I have to admit I was filling them out a little better than I use to when we had met in high school. Twelve years will do that to a girl - sometimes. This feeling I was having wasn't going away, but I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop making the subconscious connection between his pants and the den of a reptilian sea monster digging and clawing its way out of the cave to complete devour me as I stood before the only man that could save me and have me all at the same time. I couldn't help myself, I laughed.... and...I guess when I laughed a little I also pointed. I pointed there. 
 
For the first time Callum realized that his shy and somewhat unassuming smile had been deceived by the one eye that sees everything exactly the way he wants to see it - which in this case was probably spread eagle on the floor in the other room, there's no way we could have found a spot on the bed or the even the rug in my room - plastic and paint brushes lay everywhere, no it would have to be the other room - the pond! I was still tickled by the thought of what started out to be such a little thing and had literally grown to all that my imagination could take in. I wanted to see what I could actually take in - and maybe the shy and yet leading man I wanted could feel the heat rising off of the back of my neck. Maybe he could hear the echo in my chest, God knows it was loud enough. 
 
Suffice it to say we found a reason to take a break from painting and no, I can't say I'd write everything down that happened to me but I do have a lot more respect for those armored terrapin warriors in those old cartoons...Kawabunga! 

Photo Credit: Lea Zane

Jude's Almost Daily Blog Book #2

 Woot! Looky there! I am already finished framing the 2nd Blog Book. I decided to get a jump start on this one and avoid any pitfalls that could arise from not being quite prepared. If you know me, you know I like (OK, I'm obsessed with) planning. I like to say my plans have plans, my notes have notes, and it's not far off to say I begin preplanning before I even have a plan to plan. It's part of my make up, my DNA, I come from a long line of schemers; planners. It's what we do. 

My first Blog Book, "Jude's Almost Daily Blog Book" will be out in June 2021, so I need to get the 2nd book ready to be sent off to the publisher (today is April 29, 2021) so that when the 1st one hits the stands in June the 2nd book will be right on it's heels; ready to be distributed within a few months. I'll wait for the release date to be somewhere around the end of November, both to celebrate my birthday, and to be marketed for holiday purchases. Who wouldn't want a downloadable or physical Blog Book for Christmas? It's fun just thinking about thinking about it.

The first Blog Book has about 104 blogs, 12 poems, 90+ photos, and I do a lot of talking about the kids. In the 2nd book I've devoted more time and pages to people I've met, people I've not met but would love to, people I have worked with, grew up with, admired, and even purchased music from - - I won't say I'm their friend, but I can at least claim to be a client, right? If I want to write about them, or how I feel about their music - - I will. I want to share the joy, share the love, share the opinions, and make people gasp at the same time. It's a win-win!  This book also has about the same amount of blogs, photos, and poems in it, but this time I will try to use all of my own photos with the exception of the musical artists who/whom I have not had the pleasure of meeting in person -- I'll use copyrighted PAID FOR photos for those. (Can you see me smirking? I'm actually giggling a little too...just because)

Many of the poems I've chosen are from my poetry book "Periwinkle", it was written in 2006, I think. I'll have to go look.  Some of the poems I wrote this year, and more than one has been written with Naked Bearded Man in my mind at the time. I need to just break down and write an Ode to Naked Bearded Man, but I'm not sure any of my readers could actually take in all the passion and fury I have for the man - - I could be banned in several countries and the Baptist Convention may never let me step foot inside another church again! Oh, don't worry, Jesus still loves me. Besides, there's no sin in my mind if I'm married to the man in my fantasies - - oh, she went there!  

Well, that's about it, I'll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing. I'm personally cooking dinner for Laura and I; beaten chicken breasts with spinach, cheese, butter and spices rolled up and baked. I'm serving coconut rice infused with flaxseed because she needs it and has no idea I'm doing it. Unless she reads this blog, which I know she won't, she will never know her mother has been secretly forcing her to eat well -- please don't spoil my fun. Let her think she's slacking! She's a grown ass woman and should be taking care of her own palate. 

LOVE TO YOU - - more to come. Thank you again.  

Farewell Good Baeleigh.

 God has been so very wonderful to us in the past. He has given us some amazing animals to share our lives with, and I am so appreciative. In the spring of 2012, Laura and I were on our way to a small rural township just west of Indianapolis, Indiana, where we were to pick up two free horses. The two of us being horse rescue types, we naturally agreed to take the two very healthy, but older geldings. They needed to stay together, and we were the perfect pair for that! Upon arriving at the barn it was obvious that the owner had a few more furry faces than he needed to, or wanted to, keep up with; his mama cat had given birth to five babies just a few weeks back and she only had two that had survived being born in a barn where hawks and owls roost, and one poor baby had been trampled by one of the horses.  It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going to happen next, I'm just glad Laura only took one of the babies; not both of them -- and the mother cat! Laura can be that way.

Horses loaded, kitten tucked away inside Laura's hoodie, we were good to go.  Little one ended up being a "Sylvester" tuxedo cat, my personal favorite, although I would have been just fine if Laura had chosen the other one, which was also a perfectly tuxedoed cat, only his coloring was more mocha than gray.  Laura wanted a female, so a female was taken!  I remember naming her Baeleigh and giving her the spelling closest to my own middle name of Leigh, saying to myself that she may have been born in a barn, but she can have a regal name. Born in a barn, raised in the house, and spoiled absolutely rotten to the core.  Baeleigh ended up being my cat rather than Laura's; it's funny how the animals decide for themselves who it is they will allow being their servant; she chose well. I cater to fur faces, she must have figured that out pretty quickly.  Bae Bae was indeed (and in deed) my kitty.

Always the perfect queen, Bae would never allow another feline to enter her space without permission. Her hiss was strong, forceful, and she had a thing that she did with her head when she made the noise; she would lift up her face into the sky and hiss-snort, it was apparently effective until it was not. For years Bae ruled our home, walked the halls with her small, elegant frame, commanding the bubble in front of her, beside her, behind her, even above her, she had her space and no dog, no cat, and often no human, was allowed to enter without her specifically allowing it. Bae slept with me but rarely cuddled. She again, allowed me to pet her when she wanted to be petted, but I must stop when she gave that order as well. She slept on top of my keyboard and no, I wasn't allowed to type if she was on it. I simply had to wait. She made it perfectly clear that she was queen - - again until she wasn't.

About a year ago we noticed that Bae's authority had dwindled and she became more and more dependent on us. She was actually seeking attention, asking for help, and wanting to be held. This was odd behavior for her, so of course, we traveled to Dr. Sam Crosby Sr., our small animal vet (not to be confused with his son Dr. Sammy Crosby, Jr., our horse vet).  Dr. Crosby suggested medication and steroids, he put her on a routine diet, hoping it was just kitty depression, but as time wore on Bae developed a fungus-type abrasion on her face which spread to her eyes, up onto her ears, and finally her chest and arms. We tried EVERYTHING possible, but nothing seemed to ease her itching, her pain, her misery. It became apparent when she was no longer able to breathe, that there had to be something more permanent to do for her. We cried, but it was the best decision.

After 18 months of searching for answers, paying for tests, running the cat back and forth to see her vet hoping for a miracle; today was the day he finally told us that the best thing we could do for Baeleigh is to let her go see George. His words.  He knew how much that little weenie dog meant to me; he cried too when he had to send him off to see Jesus last year around this same time.  George and Bae were a pair too; both laying on top of one another, vying for the best post on the bed, looking for the right wrinkle in the comforter to lay in, and then pushing the other out of the way to get into that fold a bit better.  George always, and I mean always, gave in to Baeleigh. Baeleigh is the queen! George never stood a chance. He considered himself very lucky to have been in her space at all. She silently grinned to herself; he kept her back warm. He had his place.

Today was the day Jesus called his kitten home; she was only 9 years old, but she was ready to go. She was willing to fight for a few more breaths to allow us time to say goodbye. She never really accepted our farewell, choosing rather to lift her face up to the sky to say "I'm ready, send me home".  She will be missed and she will be loved all at the same time. If I could give George anything right now, I believe I gave him the best thing possible; his best friend in the world.  Rest well sweet kitty, see you soon. 

"There's This Woman" (It Always Starts out That Way)

You know it's going to be a great story when a guy leads off with, "See, there's this woman," and then the next thing he inevitably does, without even realizing that he does it, he shakes his head just a little, pulls his pointed finger into a clenched fist, shakes that too, and he says something else. You know the story will take a dive when he stops shaking his head and stares straight at you - - she pissed that man straight off, and he's about to tell you all about it. Grab another hot strong cup of coffee friend, you're gonna need it. 

She lives under the same moon as you and I do. She's there every night, and it doesn't matter where she actually lives, she lives rent-free in his mind. She's inside of him, she's all over him, he can't break away, and really deep down, maybe he doesn't even want to. He just needs to tell you all about her and why she drives him absolutely bonkers! She's bonkers! That's why he's feeling so angry - - he's in love, but he doesn't really want to be; at least that's what he tells himself and I guess, now he's telling anyone who will listen to him rant. 

Chris Isaak has a song about her too - - Wicked Games; goes something like this:  

"The world was on fire and no one could save me but you 
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do 
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you 
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you" 

Yes, what a wicked thing she did, she made him fall in love. What a wicked dream, a wicked chase, a wicked thought, but is it really all that wicked? Maybe it's true; maybe it's just that burning so deep and so completely consuming that hatred for himself is what he's really feeling; she has very little to do with it, but his imagination (his desire) for her does have everything to do with the way he comes back to the same story he started a dozen times but just couldn't quite finish because every time he does come to the base point, another thought about her springs up and takes him completely by the throat. She won't let go. He won't let go. He can't let go. She may already have - - let go. 

Funny, I'm thinking back on all the conversations I've had with men and with women, and without an exception, I can say it's never been the other way around. There hasn't been a single time when someone with passion and fire in their voice pointed at me and said "You know what, there's this man."  No, it's never been that way. I wonder if it even can change? She is the subject of so many songs. She is the vaper that slips away, she is the twinkle in the stars, she is the lining of the casket, the poison in the drink, the fire in the hearth, and she is the very breath he inhales; he may never be quite able to exhale completely again. 

There's this woman, she's a little crazy, I mean, she's just not right -- something; there's something...and the next line is often never mentioned, but you can read it in his eyes, she's one step over the line, but she isn't apologizing, and he's not really blaming her either. She is where she will be, and there's not a damn thing he can do about it, and if he thought about it, he wouldn't change a thing; unless he was able to convince her to stay a little longer. That may be what he wants to change.  

The next time you hear those words ask yourself, is he the lucky one for having being forced through whatever it is he's being forced through right now, or are you the lucky one for not being so tormented? Whatever it is that she is, or she does, she will remain the power behind the subconscious cognition. She is the one that remains in control as long as you both use and hear those words; "There is this woman", yes, there is, and she knows exactly who and what she is. 

credit: https://m.facebook.com/drawingsbySylv...

Truffles. That is All.

 I remember as a kid my aunt would make chocolate balls, we never really called them truffles. I don't think I ever associated the word "truffle" with chocolate until I was in the 20s. The word truffle was more or less a fungus, a mushroom, and something I knew we common folk couldn't afford. I remember being told that anyway. There would be no truffles for me! Thank goodness for Aunt Wilma and her chocolate balls. When she made them they were just chocolate, not dark chocolate, again, I don't know that while growing up we were made aware that there was more than just one type of chocolate; Hershey's made chocolate and that's what you ate! 

Today, you can get a variety of different flavored candy baking bars, and you can count on mixing and matching colors, textures, flavors, and even shapes if you're really cool and take your time to do that sort of thing. You can even add jelly into a tube and inject your little flavor morsels with gooey yummy if you want to! Why limit yourself, go all the way, friend. Step out, sound off, and just go wild in your kitchen! If you have a hankering for chili-flavored white chocolate truffles rolled in honey pecans, by all means, you just get yourself a few extra baking bowls and have at it! Do not let the neighbors stop you; they will probably be thankful you went the extra mile if you're the type (like I am) to want to share your new exotic experimenting with others - - somehow that didn't come out the way it sounded in my head.  

Today it was back to basics for me. I wasn't even planning on making truffles but was in the baking aisle at the store, trying to avoid saying hello to an ex-co-worker I saw in Produce.  I snuck away pretty easily, but found myself staring at the baking squares and wondering if they were always only 4 ounces or if I had remembered them being closer to 8 ounces -- I do actually think this way; it can become quite annoying, to be honest.  I decided I was right, they were bigger back in the day, but that didn't stop me from buying a few bars just to be sure I had enough for the now "can't-get-this-thought-about-making-truffles-out-of-my-brain" moment. I also bought powdered cocoa, heavy whipping cream, butter, and yeah, I thought I was buying pure vanilla extract; that was until I got home and realized I had picked up the almond extract by mistake. There's that.

Man avoided, chocolate in the little basket, daughter outside selling her saddle, I needed to get to the car as quickly as possible to make it home in time to have time to make the delectables that were going to be titillating my tongue and calling out sweet memories to my tender-age Jude. She lives inside my heart more than in my head; so it wasn't that difficult to find her. It was, however, difficult to clear the kitchen countertops, but that's on me, the older more need-to-get-it-together Jude. I managed. It happened. I made the best damn truffles this side of the kitchen in Heaven. You know they are there, right? I mean, it's perfect, so yeah, there will be truffles. 

Bam! Mixed, stirred, chilled, rolled, dipped, and chilled again - - I am in business! I'd say "We're cooking with grease now", but you don't use grease for this recipe - - just a little butter to smooth things out. Butter isn't even in the recipe, but I saw Aunt Wilma do it, so I did it, and I won't change my ways. If it was good enough for her, it's good enough for me.  I think tomorrow I'll head back to the store to get red sprinkles and dye and make red velvet truffles. Maybe even some mint extract and crush up a few peppermint candy canes from Christmas to roll the balls in after I do. Oh, I could go on and on with this huh? I could - - and I could indulge my fantasy man, Naked Bearded Man, and explain what I could do with the extra dark chocolate drizzle once I've covered all the truffles - - but I think I'll leave that one alone.  He's good just the way he is and there's just no reason to mess up the sheets.

Enjoy! 

The Power of Green Smoothies! Go Green! Go Green!

 You can make a smoothie out of just about anything you want really, as long as you add enough water, milk, or some sort of liquid to bring it to that smoothie stage. It's not called a slushy, it's a smoothie, so it does need to be smooth without running out of the blender like an emerald disaster; which you would still need to drink to save both money and face. I'll tell you what I do, and if you choose to do that you can. I have always been successful in creating the perfect smoothies because I listened to the experts at the juice cafe several years ago, where I first heard about the majestic, most powerful, antioxidant, and detoxing drink known on the planet! Yes, you will poop. Count on the poop. It will happen.

As you know, or maybe you didn't know, everything in life boils down to having an amazing poop. If you didn't know that, and this is the first time you're hearing it, you need to pay really close attention, and go straight to your refrigerator and make yourself a green smoothie. If you don't have the ingredients or the blender to do this; go now and spend that money if you can. Get it done. Make it happen. You and your poop need to become separated...fast.

So, what's in a green smoothie anyway, right? Well, obviously, it would be green things. What could be in your fridge right now, that isn't molding, that is green? Mine? Well, we have spinach, zucchini, pears, frozen avocado, asparagus, cucumbers, olives, parsley, beet greens, romaine lettuce, and just behind the carton of milk, there's a bit of bell pepper left from last Friday's chili cook-off. I'm not a huge pepper fan, but you can add a little to a smoothie for a kick that will send your tastebuds into orbit! (nix the olives they don't really blend well.)

One of the main ingredients every single time is greens powder. You can get it at any drug store or health food outlet. You can buy them online, you can pick them up, either way, but I use a brand called Amazing Grass - I typically buy the Green Superfood with chocolate but sometimes just the regular too. The ingredients will be posted in a picture at the bottom of the blog.  Sometimes I add an egg or yogurt to the mix for both protein and to make that smooth texture, but if I'm adding an avocado I don't need to do that.  Each and every vegetable or fruit has its own benefits, its own power, its own healing abilities, and together they make a heck of a punch to the colon - stripping out the excess ugly poop that's been hanging around in your intestines for no good reason.  

Let's start with the recipe I had today, and see what benefits and goodies were packed into an 8-ounce (I tend to make enough for 2) drink that was both thick, sweet, raw, and full of power to both detox and builds muscle at the same time! Talk about weight loss! Drinking a green smoothie every day has been one of the main staples of my overall diet plan these past several months. I've dropped over 40 pounds and have about 30 more to go. It won't be long before I'm claiming my goal, and to be honest with you, drinking greens and praying to Jesus, who made the greens, has been the reason for the loss! You gotta want it to make it happen. Make it happen.

Green Smoothie Recipe:

Prep:  cut up the ingredients and add them to the blender or Nutri-Bullet. Add water until the ingredients are completely covered. You may end up adding more water at the end.   

Spinach ½ cup 

1 medium pear 

1 medium avocado (I use frozen for the texture and coolness) 

½ zucchini 

1 tablespoon Green Powder 

1 tablespoon chia seeds 

Cover in filtered water.

BLEND at high speed until the mixture is completely mixed, in my Nutri-Bullet it’s about 30 seconds. If I need to add water I do. 

BENEFITS:  

Spinach: According to www.health.com  

Spinach also contains 45% of the daily need for folate, a B vitamin that helps form red blood cells and DNA. And spinach supplies 15% of the daily goal for both iron and magnesium, 10% for potassium, and 6% for calcium, along with smaller amounts of other B vitamins. Spinach also provides over 160% of the daily goal for vitamin A, and about 40% for vitamin C, which both support immune function and promote healthy skin. 

Pear: According to www.whatthafact.com 

There are many nutritional benefits of Pears, the nutrient contains in a pear is like this if we take a look at 100g of pear there is 42kcal of energy, fat presence is 0.2g, it carries 3% potassium and sodium, copper, phosphorus. It carries 3% of carbohydrates and 14% of dietary fiber, it contains 7% sugar which is why it tastes sweet. Also, it contains vitamin A, 6% vitamin C, vitamin B12, 2% magnesium, iron, calcium, and vitamin B6. Pear provides a very good source of fiber and is also a good source of vitamin B2, C, E. 

Zucchini: According to www.webmd.com  

Zucchini is packed with many important vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. It has high fiber content and a low-calorie count. Fiber plays an important role in digestion and may limit the likelihood of suffering from a variety of GI issues. 

Zucchini contains zeaxanthin and several other compounds that can play a role in preventing oxidative stress. This, in turn, may limit the likelihood of developing cancer. 

Zucchini is rich in vitamin B6. Research suggests that this vitamin can help with regulating blood glucose. The vitamin may even play a protective role against diabetes. 

Avocado: According to www.foodevolution.org 

Avocados offer an abundance of fiber, potassium (more than a banana!), and vitamins B6 and C. They’re also rich in folate, which can boost your mood! 

But any way you slice it, the nutrient avocados offer the most of is fat. In fact, one cup of avocado provides 21 grams of fat. The type of fat found in avocado, therefore, matters a great deal. And it’s mostly a mixture of monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats. 

Polyunsaturated fats are essential. This means they’re necessary for your body to function, but it can’t make them itself. Your body uses these fats to build cell membranes and the covering of nerves. And they’re also needed for blood clotting and muscle movement. 

Monounsaturated fats are similar to the fats found in olive oil. Some studies have linked them to reduced inflammation, lower risk of heart disease, and anti-cancer effects. 

 

Chia seeds: According to www.healthline.com 

According to the American Society for Nutrition, chia seeds provide insoluble fiber which helps keep you fuller longer and bulks up stool to prevent constipation. They also deliver healthy fats, protein, and cell-protecting antioxidants. Chia seeds are a good source of minerals, such as: 

calcium 

iron 

zinc 

copper 

manganese 

niacin 

magnesium 

Chia seeds may help control blood sugar. A randomized controlled trial published in Diabetes Care determined that adding chia seeds to normal type 2 diabetes treatments improves cardiovascular disease risk and helps maintain good glucose and lipid control. 

There you go.  Green Powder is the bomb, you should and could use it daily. Water is also amazing, useful, needed, life-saving, and important.    Do this. Do it often.  Gain the power you need to go to the bathroom, get regulated, get healthy, get moving, lose the anxiety, get rid of the gut, you name it, the smoothie will probably deliver it; except financial stability. It can’t bring you that. Sorry, you’re on your own for that one.   

Love My Cheddar

 You know, it's so true - - I love my cheddar.  I could (and I do) eat a lot of cheddar soup, cheddar chunks, cheddar patty-melt sandwiches, you name it, if it involves cheese, I want my cheddar. I can take it mild and I can take it sharp too; just let me indulge a bit with grapes, olives, hot tea, and pretzels - - thank you, that was a really good fantasy; I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to do that. 

Today was a good cheddar day. It wasn't raining, it wasn't sunny, it was sort of drizzle-spitting if you will, and it was almost chilly but not quite; you know what I mean? People in Oklahoma just call it a Thursday, because you don't ever really know what you're going to get when you step outside the door, but today was definitely a cheddar day.  Some days I say that and it means I gather up the ingredients to actually make the cheese; I do that too, but it literally takes two solid months to perfect, so if I'm thinking of making my now world-class famous cheddar and broccoli soup, I had better be prepared to drive to Aldi and pick up the ingredients rather than going to the closet and finding the curds in their semi-settled state. I mean, don't get me wrong, you can make a good soup with cheddar that's only half hardened since when you put it into the saucepan at a medium to high heat it's going to melt anyway, but the taste needs to be right too! 

Today I went to Aldi for the ingredients and it hit me; Oklahoma has Aldi and so does Scotland! YES! I am going to be just fine when I move, just fine. I will, however, need to be sure and find a place that's close enough to an Aldi that I can walk or ride my bike. I have a backpack to wear for the occasion; I'm making plans! I am literally at my computer at night (and yes, during the day) making plans to walk to Aldi in Cowdenbeath, Dunfermline, Rosyth, Leith, just wherever it is that I'll be living; probably in the Kingdom of Fife, but you just never know. I will choose a place that's closer to Aldi rather than one closer to a bus stop. I have priorities.  Scotland has a store called Lidl too, and it's a great deal like Aldi, but c'mon, once you're an Aldi fan you're an Aldi fan for life; am I right? I know I am.

So, I bought the ingredients that I needed. I had the spices, I had the butter, I even had the heavy whipping cream, but I bought another carton just because I was about to use over a cup of the great stuff. You have to use the best so it turns out as good as you expect it to. If you chinch on it, you get what you put into it. No amount of seasoning will ever make up for using less than heavy whipping cream, don't try milk, don't even think about using half and half, just go all the way - - heavy whipping cream! Thank you.  Also, if you want to make the chicken broth you can, but they come in really handy dandy-sized boxes - - if you can get the damn lids off! They really know what they're doing when they box that stuff. You have to WANT into that box! 

After I arrived home and put all the other things away, other than the things I needed to make the soup, I remembered that I should probably have made sure I had a floret or two of broccoli lying around the fridge. I did! Whew! That's good. I mean, cheddar soup is good on its own, but yeah, it needs its bestie, floret broccoli, to make it all really spark! Ingredients gathered, chopped, mixed, heated, and stirred, and voila! Soup! I added a nice side of Italian sausages and a handful of grapes on the side of the plate. Tonight I only had one kid to feed, but the dogs knew I was thinking of them when I added an extra sausage to the pan. (Just so you know, I add a little bacon grease to the pan to saute the sausage, and I throw in a bit of basil, pepper, and onion powder too)

Done! I think it takes about 5-8 minutes tops to make the soup, and the sausage can heat up slowly during that time too; it's a good, fast, healthy, and oh so tasty dinner -- not expensive either. People should really consider soups more often. They're always on the menu at the restaurants, and they're not just for wintery cold evenings, but there's just something about a chilly night and hot cheddar soup that sounds so good - - I wish I could do bread with it. I'm not doing bread these days, just a few pretzels and even then I have to limit the carbs; hate that, but it's true. 

Enjoy the soup!  (Don't forget the cornstarch - - it makes the difference)

RECIPE:

Cheddar Broccoli Soup 

 

Prep: Cut up the broccoli into fine or semi-fine size. I use florets, some people like to add stocks. I add whatever stock is attached to the floret.  Cut up the onion into fine pieces or use onion powder, which is what I use.  Cut up the minced garlic or use garlic powder, which is what I use. 

 

Ingredients:  

2 cups of broccoli florets chopped 

4 cups of chicken broth (I use the box type, but you can make it if you choose to) 

1.5 cups of heavy whipping cream 

2.5 cups of shredded cheddar cheese (a package may be slightly more, which is fine) 

¼ cup of onion – or a tablespoon of powder (no salt) 

¼ cup of garlic – or a tablespoon of powder (no salt) 

1 tablespoon of butter  

½ teaspoon of black pepper 

½ teaspoon of table or pink salt 

1 tablespoon cornstarch 

Instructions: 

1. Heat the stove to medium. 

2. Add broth, heavy cream, butter, seasonings, onion, and garlic. 

3. Let it heat up for about 5-6 minutes on its own before adding broccoli. 

4. Add broccoli and stir, turn up the heat to high (keep an eye on it) 

5. Bring to a boil and let it boil for 5 minutes. 

6. Turn the heat off, but allow the liquid to simmer under its own heat for 2 minutes. 

7.  Slowly mix in the cheese, stirring continuously until it is all mixed. 

8. Add the cornstarch to thicken the mixture. 

9. Take off the stove, let cool, but stir a few times. 

10. Serve in 1 cup portions. (Should make 5 servings)