Dan Cooley's Blog, page 21
June 29, 2014
Weekend in Haiti
So I was getting to bed pretty late last night – was the last one up around midnight. I left the bathroom using my flashlight so as not to wake up others, and I saw a rat. I was walking towards my room, so not thinking i just kept on going. That freaked the rat out, so he ran in front of me. I kept walking, he kept walking. So, i stupedly chased the rat into my bedroom at midnight. Thankfully he didn’t snore.
It’s been pretty crazy here. We just finished replacing the rusted out sink with a new stainless one before the 400 kids show up for English Camp tomorrow. There have been a ton of projects, including getting the new propane bug trap set up, fogging, fixing tons of plumbing problems, and training for the kids coming manana. Today we did church in the morning and ate at a fun bakery this afternoon. It looks like we got all the projects finished in time for camp, so it will be fun to watch things run tomorrow. The generator we purchased last year is wonderful. Nothing like having electricity and running water when you need it. The interweb has been sketchy here, so I’ve not been able to post much. Hopefully this will upload.
The pic is of Caleb and his friend Kyle hugging a toilet. OR repairing it.
Will try to post again in a couple days.
Dan
June 26, 2014
What Are the Chances Pt.2
So, our plane was 90 minutes late leaving ABQ. That left us -30 minutes to make our connection in Dallas, as our layover was only an hour. But… God is good.
The flight in Dallas was about 2 hours late leaving, so no problem! That left us with 2 hours less to sleep in the airport in Florida, but there was no sleeping anyway. They were doing construction inside the airport at night. So, we are now sipping coffee waiting for our 6am flight to PaP. That’s 4am ABQ time.
We ran into another missions team from ABQ going to Haiti – so have been able to make some new friends and pal with another group. They also have a lucky 13 people going. Hey, the disciples and Jesus.. 13.
And, all our baggage made it on the plane. We had to shuttle some stuff from bags a pound or two over the limit to those a pound or two under, but we made it with 1360lbs of supplies for mcmhaiti.org. Sweet!
Time to board and try to sleep with my knees above my ears. The pics are from last year. I forgot my phone cord – just bought a new one wi
June 25, 2014
What Are the Chances?
What are the chances of this…
We have 13 people going to Haiti, giving us 1160 lbs of luggage with all bags at 50lbs but 3 food bags at 70lbs. LOTS of stuff came in just yesterday, tons of food donated, Amazon deliveries just this week. Today we finished packing the last bag. It was just 10lb under, and then we remembered a package at home we forgot. 1160 lbs of donations down to the ounce.
What are the chances of that?
God is good. All the time. And He knows of each gift before we give it.
June 23, 2014
Follow for Haitian Connection
Haiti Mission Trip 2014: This year we hope to put in 1 sink, 2 breaker switches, capture 5 Haitian zombies, teach 400 campers, and avoid 17 trillion Chikungunya virus caring mosquitoes. We have debt. They have bugs.
And zombies. The picture is Zonbi by Haitian artist Wilson Bigaud, 1939. Read older blogs for more zombie stuff. Meanwhile. . .
Lord willing we leave Wednesday noon for somewhere FL, then catch a nap in the airport, then first flight out Thursday we head to Port-au-Prince, rested and ready to go. Right.
Hit the blue f-follow button on the bottom of the blog to get updates automatically. If I’m healthy, I’ll post. If I don’t, send in the zombie-killing, Chikungunya immune SEALS. Thanks in advance,
Dan
June 20, 2014
Anger an Extremist – And 5 Other Reasons to Follow My Blog
1: To Anger a Turkish Muslim Extremist. Last year someone twice broke into the back-end of my website, crashed it, and made it point to a Turkish Muslim Extremist Recruiting Site. A couple months ago when I tried to start a Bible Zombie blog on the website, another group attacked. Zombie recruiters? Maybe the first group was actually anti-Christian zombie skinheads masquerading as Muslims.
Anyhow, seeing as my website is about as secure as Christmas gift left overnight in a convertible in Chicago, I started all over on WordPress. The good news is you can follow it, post on it, and say bad things about Skinhead Turkish Muslim Zombie Extremists without crashing the site.
2: To read Megan’s and Micah’s ramblings. They don’t post often, but when they do, you do not want to miss it. Megan’s latest? Why I prefer my cat to your kids. I’ll also link to other slightly ir-reverend Christian blog reads and Haiti writings.
3: For the Haitian Connection: I get to go to Haiti annually to help out a Children’s Ministry, and have had fun writing about the Iron Devil Pig I saw – that the interweb swears doesn’t exist. And voodoo drums trying to drown out my speaking, and Megan being the first white female in a village where we put in a well, and other fun stuff. We leave for Haiti in 5 days, on Wed the 25th. This year I’m hoping NOT to be writing about how the Chikungunya virus effects 56-year-old visitors. The word means “bent man,” and attacks the joints. It’s spread by mosquitoes, can cause nausea, horrible fever, etc. About 80% of Haiti has had it.
But hey, if I get it, you can read about it here.
4: To Protect Yourself from the Coming Bible Zombie Apocalypse: There are stories of zombie-like creatures in the Bible – and one real zombie. . . I think. You may see him one day. Really. I’ll be posting those stories as I write them for the new book, and for you to comment on, correct, or threaten read to your kids if you like giving them nightmares.
5: To Get Free Stuff: Along with the Bible Zombie book, I’ve started a Bizarre Christmas Bible Stories book. I’ll post those chapters too. Hopefully they will make good kid devotions and/or Kids Church lessons. I think WordPress may have a way for me to give away some books. And winning lottery numbers.
6: To Get More Bizarre Books: New books don’t get published without an author “following.” I’m lousy at self-promotion, but if someone isn’t already reading my stuff, no new books are coming down the pike. So, the more “likes,” and “follows” and that kind of stuff I can generate, the more likely a publisher will pick up on a new book idea.
Who knew you could anger an extremist and help determine what gets published all in one button click? What a world!
June 19, 2014
Zombie History
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I think I’ll try to work this up to be the introduction/chapter one – and then take some of the stories out that i was going to use. Just too many resurrection stories in the Bible – about 9 at my count – that really don’t fit anywhere close to being zombies. I do want the book to share the gospel, but don’t want it to become a bate and switch either.
Zombies are history.
There are legends of zombies from Africa, the southern United States, the Caribbean, the French West Indies – and from some accounts the Far East.. There are legends of African trains being run by zombies, of people being zombified by children, and of witches killing people in order to possess them. These aren’t current made-for-TV scripts, they are honest oral histories.
The word ZOM-BIE (Zom/be) is Kimbundu, a language spoken in the Republic of Angloa. In Kimbundu, “zombie” means ghost, or departed spirit. Zombie is also the name of a snake god in West Africa and Haiti and, according to “The Free Dictionary,” the southern United States. I now bring my double-tap shotgun with zombie ammo when traveling to Lake Charles.
I’ve been going to Haiti most every year for the last 8 years or so, and still remember my first trip the best. I was speaking at a Church in Port-au-Prince when I heard drums outside our building. They kept getting louder and louder – sounding closer and closer. The voodoo priests were attempting to drown out our service. Thankfully, they didn’t send any zombies in to get us. That would have worked.
The zombie legend is most clearly traced back to, and documented in Haiti.
In the 1980s Canadian anthropologist Wade Davis investigated the zombie thing in Haiti. He came to the conclusion that Voodoo priests were drugging their victims, reducing the heart and respiration rates low enough the village would believe the person dead. After the victim was buried, they would then be exhumed and partly revived by the same priest who had drugged them to begin with. The priest would continue to keep the person drugged, creating his own personal zombie to take on walks – or to terrorize the village. Davis’ research has remained a topic of speculation. A theory is best reproduced to be proven, and people tend to wimp out when asked to “Take these two pills and climb into the casket.”
The stories of zombies could all be made up – could be. But, if we can find them in the Bible, maybe they are true after all.
Today’s zombie literature is a bit different. Due to movie/book/game ratings, we now have zombies that run in hoards, rudely eat people without utensils, and need to be shot twice to die. Most inconsiderate.
Zombie Definition:
It seems to me, to find zombies in the Bible, we need a clear definition of what we are looking for.
Wikipedia defines zombies as “an animated corpse raised by magical means, such as witchcraft.” I like that. It’s not a resurrection, as they are no longer what they were. There are at least 9 resurrections in the Bible, from kids to Lazarus to Jesus, but they all come back normal again. When I think of a zombie, I think of Edgar’s corpse possessed by The Bug the first “Men in Black” movie. Classic alien zombie, before zombies were cool.
The one word I’d change in Wikipedia’s definition is “animated.” According to my thesaurus, animated means “lively bubbly, perky, vivacious.” Hardly a zombie. I think “obsessed” would fit best.
So, what we are looking for in the words of the world’s oldest and most trusted book is, An obsessed corpse raised by magical means, such as witchcraft.
To meet this definition. . .
They don’t have to drip blood, or
Glow green, or
Stagger when they walk, or
Travel in hoards, or
Eat people without utensils.
But it would be nice.
Zombies Three – The Zombie Army from Joel
Another draft chapter from Bible Zombies. Any help appreciated…
Could Joel 2 be a description of the coming Zombie Apocalypse? Some on the normally infallible interweb believe so. Here is what Joel wrote over 2500 years ago, in a prophecy about the future.
Joel 2:1 (NLT) Sound the alarm in Jerusalem! Raise the battle cry on my holy mountain! Let everyone tremble in fear because the day of the LORD is upon us. 2 It is a day of darkness and gloom, a day of thick clouds and deep blackness. Suddenly, like dawn spreading across the mountains, a great and mighty army appears. Nothing like it has been seen before or will ever be seen again. 3 Fire burns in front of them, and flames follow after them. Ahead of them the land lies as beautiful as the Garden of Eden. Behind them is nothing but desolation; not one thing escapes. 4 They look like horses; they charge forward like war horses. 5 Look at them as they leap along the mountaintops. Listen to the noise they make—like the rumbling of chariots, like the roar of fire sweeping across a field of stubble, or like a mighty army moving into battle. 6 Fear grips all the people; every face grows pale with terror. 7 The attackers march like warriors and scale city walls like soldiers. Straight forward they march, never breaking rank. 8 They never jostle each other; each moves in exactly the right position. They break through defenses without missing a step. 9 They swarm over the city and run along its walls. They enter all the houses, climbing like thieves through the windows.
The positives: These possible zombies come in a day of gloom and darkness. They cause desolation wherever they go. The rumble instead of speak, and cause people to go pail with terror. They come in a swarm, climbing in windows, leaving not much besides ash in their wake. I like that.
Any respectable zombie sleeps in the dark places during the day – and then swarms about looking for victims at night. In the movies they never really speak, and yet seem to win their wars through numbers and relentless pursuit of their victims, just like this story in Joel. Could Joel be looking 2500 years into the future, to zombies in our time?
The negatives: They look like horses. Not green slobbering staggering horses, but like horses. They also march like warriors, never breaking rank or jostling each other. A good zombie staggers at best.
Nah. We will find a zombie or two in the Bible, but not here.
The rest of the passage even goes on to say. . . 10 The earth quakes as they advance, and the heavens tremble. The sun and moon grow dark, and the stars no longer shine. 11 The LORD is at the head of the column. He leads them with a shout. This is his mighty army, and they follow his orders. The day of the LORD is an awesome, terrible thing. Who can possibly survive?
Some think this passage is describing the advance of Assyria against Israel, others of the return of Jesus to claim His earth, I’m sure others have other guesses.It’s hard for me not to see it as God’s army, as He is leading it. I just figure He has a good reason for taking Jerusalem back over and using His army to do it.
However, if this is an unfulfilled prophecy about God returning to claim His earth, and if you believe God could be deranged enough to use zombies, and if you believe this deranged god is also still powerful enough to get them to march in line, then you could put this into the “plausible” category.
I think I’ll simply start working on the Zombie Hoard in Ezekiel 37. A bit more promise there, as these folks were definitely dead before they staggered back to life. Dead is good.
Bible Zombies Two – Samuel
The Setting:
It was around 1000 BC, and Saul was King of Israel. King Saul was suffering from severe depression, paranoia, and on again/off again demon possession. He was in the middle of a war, and losing badly. His best adviser, Samuel, had recently died, and now Saul had no clue what to do. So, he freaked out and did the least logical thing possible.
He brought Samuel back from the dead.
This was especially difficult for Saul to pull off, since as king he had outlawed witchcraft. Somehow, King Saul learned there was a medium in the town of Endor. Saul put on a disguise, and he and a couple of close friends snuck away from the troops in the middle of the night. They went to the medium’s house.
They talked for a while and…
11 Finally, the woman said, “Well, whose spirit do you want me to call up?”
“Call up Samuel,” Saul replied.
12 When the woman saw Samuel, she screamed, “You’ve deceived me! You are Saul!”
13 “Don’t be afraid!” the king told her. “What do you see?”
“I see a god coming up out of the earth,” she said.
14 “What does he look like?” Saul asked.
“He is an old man wrapped in a robe,” she replied.
Saul realized it was Samuel, and he fell to the ground before him.
15 “Why have you disturbed me by calling me back?” Samuel asked Saul.
“Because I am in deep trouble,” Saul replied. “The Philistines are at war with me, and God has left me and won’t reply by prophets or dreams. So I have called for you to tell me what to do.” 1 Samuel 28:11-15 (NLT)
At that point, Samuel let Saul know that in 24 hours Saul would be joining him – wherever Samuel came from.
Behind the Scenes:
If the Bible is true, and I believe it is, then Samuel was already in Heaven. It’s my assumption God wanted to have a bit of fun with the medium and teach Saul a lesson at the same time. So, Samuel left Heaven and showed up in the mediums house – we just aren’t told how he got there. All we know for sure is…
Samuel left Heaven and had a grand time scaring a witch.
The witch had planned on bringing up the dead – or impersonating the dead – but it didn’t work out when Samuel actually showed up.
The witch was scared, which is funny in an ironic sort of way.
Optional Endings:
The Bible doesn’t say what happened to the witch or Samuel. We do know Saul died soon after, just as Samuel predicted. I’d bet Samuel went back to Heaven, and the witch changed her clothes.
Christianity Works
Funerals aren’t fun. Especially when they are for your mom. I was asked to share for a few minutes – but only got about half of it out. Here is what I wanted to say…
Mom – came to Christ in spite of the odds. She grew up on a non-Christian family. Her dad died when she was 12. It was an older sister who one day invited her to church. Mom accepted Christ that night. After graduating High School, she boarded a train alone and traveled over 800 miles to Moody Bible Institute in Chicago.
Dad – also came to Christ in spite of the odds. Dad grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father. One day a friend of grandpas came over to tell him he had come to Christ, and knew he had to give up alcohol. He invited my grandpa to church, knowing that alcohol was ruining my grandpa’s life as well. Grandpa didn’t want anything to do with Jesus, the church, or now this friend. But, my dad knew there had to be something better than the home he was living in. My Dad heard the conversation, found the church, and accepted Christ when he was 16. Dad later went to Moody, where he met my mom. They married after Dad served in WWII.
One day, not too long before Dad went home to heaven, I asked him if he ever had doubts about the Bible. I was having my own doubts. “What if someone made it all up?” I asked. We had devoted our lives to being pastors, to following this book. Was it all a waste of time?
“I’ve had my doubts,” Dad said. “But whenever they come, I look at the lives of those who have tried to do life on their own. I can look back on my own family growing up, my friends, those who turned their back on God’s Word. Their lives, in comparison, are a mess. By God’s grace, I’ve been married for forty-some years. You kids are all living solid lives following the Lord. The Bible’s instructions about life and money and raising a family are the best way to live. So, even if it isn’t true – it is still the best way to live. And then I figured, if it gives the best way to live, the Author must have known what He was talking about, so the rest is probably true as well.”
This may not be the most profound apologetic, but it works for me. Christianity works. It changed my parents’ lives, my life, my kids’ lives and hopefully my grandkids lives. If Christianity works in this life, I’ll trust The Author with the next one.
I was reading through one of Dad’s old sermons where he wrote about home. He wrote:
Home is…
A place where the small are great and the great are small.
A place where strife is shut out and love is shut in.
A place where Christ is the unseen guest at every meal and the silent listener at every conversation.
A Christian home is a glimpse of Heaven. My parents are in their true home now. A home where Jesus said the first would be last, and the last, first. Where strife is shut out and love is shut in. Where Christ is at every meal and active in every conversation.
I brought an old Bible of Mom’s on this trip – I didn’t mean to – but when I threw in another Bible I forgot to take hers out. So, I was surprised to find it in my suitcase the other night. Seeing it there, I took it out and started reading her notes. In one of the pages in the back she wrote,
THINK:
Think of stepping on shore, and finding it heaven
Think of taking hold of a hand, and finding it God’s
Think of feeling invigorated and finding it immortality
Think of waking up and finding it home
Neither mom nor dad had a great home growing up. They have one now. Christianity works.
Bible Zombies One
Do you like zombies? Did you know The Walking Dead outperformed the Winter Olympics for viewers ages 18- 49? They even crashed the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) website with so many hits. Anyhow i’d like to do a Bible Zombie book – I believe Scripture has something to say. Want to be a part?
I’m planning to post a chapter, or part of a chapter of Bible Zombies on weekends. What would really help is any feedback you can give – Hate the story, needs more clarification, this is no zombie, love the application, etc. Next week I’ll post the first story. Meanwhile, here is some of what I’ve learned. . .
According to Wikipedia, a zombie is “. . . an animated corpse raised by magical means.” I’ve found 21 stories in the Bible worth examining to see how they match up to the zombie definition – and I believe I’ve found at least one real zombie. They include…
Hoards of “Ozzie Zombies” coming out of a pit
Corpses coming out of tombs
Corpses walking with their flesh falling off
A possessed corpse becoming a dictator,
Even a lake of zombies.
Anyhow I’ll try to upload stories when I’m not in Haiti or under a Triumph Spitfire. Let me know if you’d like to help!
BIZARRE Bible Stories 2! Expected in stores by late. . . AUGUST 2014
The original BIZARRE Bible Stories is available here.
