Lakshmi Iyer's Blog, page 49

Musings

I croon alongside the radio on the morning drive to drop my toddler at her school. She doesn’t seem to mind the off-key singing and I smile at her reflection in the rearview mirror. The drive back seems lonely even with the radio babbling. I turn the radio off and my mind veers to random […]

Epiphany: Adoption Edition

I step past Laddu lying on the wooden floor in front of the fridge, in the throes of a magnificent meltdown. Her body heaves and lets out huge sobs, almost too big for her. Her eyes are red, her snot and slob all mixed into a runny mess on her face. I am tempted to […]

On Gotcha Days And Marking Milestones

Most days like today, I clear up the kitchen, run a round of laundry, attend to chores and with one satisfying sweep through the house, I purposefully walk towards the study knowing I have earned my space and time. I start with email, quickly scan my FB feed and settle down on Twitter. I get […]

Flying Solo

I wake up in the dead of the night. Squinting, I realize it is 2:00 AM. I slide out of Laddu’s bed noiselessly and pad my way to my bed. Even as I decide to use the restroom, Laddu plods in behind me, her plaintive cry raising my hackles. Irritably, I climb into the cold […]

Imposters: Life and Death

I lie in bed, in the dark, under the covers, the backlit screen of my phone casting an eerie glow. I am furiously typing or researching what a hip surgery in advanced age looks like. I look at the process, the preoperative parameters, postoperative care and mentally ready myself for all possibilities. I can do […]

Sibling Rivalry 2.0

“Akka, can you play blocks with me?” Laddu looks at Pattu with pleading eyes. Her Akka looks condescendingly at the magnetic blocks strewn at Laddu’s feet and walks away not deigning to respond. “Akka, open your mouth, I will feed you the gummy vitamins,” Laddu is on tiptoe trying to reach Ammu’s mouth. Ammu’s lips […]

Birds, Bees And Uncomfortable Conversations

I wear my clothes, my mind on other things, frowning at the mirror as I do. I notice Ammu behind me. I continue to get dressed as she watches, curious, unrepentant. “Why do wear that?” she asks I pause, unsure where I should direct the conversation. “For support,” I say and leave it at that. […]

May There Be Light

2017 has been a mixed bag. I look forward to 2018 with hope, with optimism because not to would mean amplifying everything that was bad in 2017 and making it worse. I choose to think that we will come out of 2018 knowing that the world tilted a little toward all that is good and […]

Why I Share My Story

I am crouched behind the door, my large frame cramped on the tiny steps leading down to the basement. Pattu and Laddu are downstairs in the room farthest from where I am and I can still hear the muted sounds from the iPad they are playing with. Ammu is seated on the stairs across from […]

Of Sobfests And Deep Learnings

I walk down, groggy from a nap that did nothing to wash away the bone-deep exhaustion I am feeling. I hear the giggles quiet down, the TV is turned off and a hush descends on the home. I wince trying to ignore the effect I have on my children. We array ourselves around the kitchen […]