Rachel Held Evans's Blog, page 38

What pastors want to hear from their congregations

In response to yesterday’s post, “11 Things I Wish More Pastors Would Say,” I’ve heard from several pastors who made similar lists of things they wish the people in their congregation would say.  

Some favorites—

From Eric Atcheson: 

1. How can I be praying for you?

I do a lot of praying with people and for people while rarely asking for prayer in return.  But I definitely need prayer in return, because I am not Super-Pastor.  Some days, I barely even feel like an ordinary, un-super pastor, because on my own, I am simply a very, very weak man.

2. I'm sorry.  I was wrong.  Please forgive me.

This is a direct copy-and-paste of Rachel's own #2 item, because it definitely fits for us as well.  Pastors have to withstand a lot of second-guessing and--in unhealthier situations--ad hominem criticisms, but we are called to turn the other cheek rather than repaying meanness for meanness.

3. Enjoy your time away.

For pastors, vacation time is sacrosanct and vital to our well-being, but I have had to engage in educational efforts to show why my vacation time (of which I get four weeks per year) is so vital, so that I might stop being asked, "How come you get so much time off?  I only see you once a week!"

4. Let's give it a try.

I think that while pastors may have a very hard time saying "no" to their congregants, congregations can be quite skilled at saying "no" to their pastor and their pastor's ideas.  It doesn't even have to be a "yes"--just agreeing to give something the old college try is often enough.

5. Here's what I liked/didn't like about your sermon today...

Don't get me wrong, I'll take the "good sermon today, preacher" compliments.  But you know why we love it when you engage us on the substance of what we said, even if you disagree with us?  It shows that you were listening, and it reminds us that our preaching and teaching is valued by you.

Read the rest here. 

From Jeremy Serrano:

1. “What needs to get done around here?” (And actually gets it done).

2. “What ministry needs the most help?”

3. “Use my cabin to get away.”

4. “Wasn’t it great that we had children running around in worship today.”

5. ”You don’t need to go to all the committee meetings.”

Read the rest here 

I probably missed some others. So feel free to leave links! 

So, pastors. Today it’s your turn. What’s the most discouraging thing a member of your congregation has said to you? What’s the most encouraging/healing/inspiring? What do you wish you heard more often? 

 

Alan Chambers of Exodus International Apologizes to LGBT Community

Update: Exodus International announces it is shutting down

Wow. 

It takes a lot of guts to issue an apology as honest and as public as this one from Alan Chambers of Exodus International. 

An excerpt: 

Recently, I have begun thinking again about how to apologize to the people that have been hurt by Exodus International through an experience or by a message. I have heard many firsthand stories from people called ex-gay survivors. Stories of people who went to Exodus affiliated ministries or ministers for help only to experience more trauma. I have heard stories of shame, sexual misconduct, and false hope. In every case that has been brought to my attention, there has been swift action resulting in the removal of these leaders and/or their organizations. But rarely was there an apology or a public acknowledgement by me. 

And then there is the trauma that I have caused. There were several years that I conveniently omitted my ongoing same-sex attractions. I was afraid to share them as readily and easily as I do today. They brought me tremendous shame and I hid them in the hopes they would go away. Looking back, it seems so odd that I thought I could do something to make them stop. Today, however, I accept these feelings as parts of my life that will likely always be there. The days of feeling shame over being human in that way are long over, and I feel free simply accepting myself as my wife and family does. As my friends do. As God does.

Never in a million years would I intentionally hurt another person. Yet, here I sit having hurt so many by failing to acknowledge the pain some affiliated with Exodus International caused, and by failing to share the whole truth about my own story. My good intentions matter very little and fail to diminish the pain and hurt others have experienced on my watch. The good that we have done at Exodus is overshadowed by all of this.

Friends and critics alike have said it’s not enough to simply change our message or website. I agree. I cannot simply move on and pretend that I have always been the friend that I long to be today. I understand why I am distrusted and why Exodus is hated. 

Please know that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced. I am sorry that some of you spent years working through the shame and guilt you felt when your attractions didn’t change. I am sorry we promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparative theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents. I am sorry that there were times I didn’t stand up to people publicly “on my side” who called you names like sodomite—or worse. I am sorry that I, knowing some of you so well, failed to share publicly that the gay and lesbian people I know were every bit as capable of being amazing parents as the straight people that I know. I am sorry that when I celebrated a person coming to Christ and surrendering their sexuality to Him that I callously celebrated the end of relationships that broke your heart. I am sorry that I have communicated that you and your families are less than me and mine. 

More than anything, I am sorry that so many have interpreted this religious rejection by Christians as God’s rejection.  I am profoundly sorry that many have walked away from their faith and that some have chosen to end their lives. For the rest of my life I will proclaim nothing but the whole truth of the Gospel, one of grace, mercy and open invitation to all to enter into an inseverable relationship with almighty God.

I cannot apologize for my deeply held biblical beliefs about the boundaries I see in scripture surrounding sex, but I will exercise my beliefs with great care and respect for those who do not share them.  I cannot apologize for my beliefs about marriage. But I do not have any desire to fight you on your beliefs or the rights that you seek. My beliefs about these things will never again interfere with God’s command to love my neighbor as I love myself.   

You have never been my enemy. I am very sorry that I have been yours. I hope the changes in my own life, as well as the ones we announce tonight regarding Exodus International, will bring resolution, and show that I am serious in both my regret and my offer of friendship. I pledge that future endeavors will be focused on peace and common good.

You can read the letter in its entirety here. 

It sounds as though Exodus International will be making a big announcement tonight regarding its future. My prayer is that this will be a turning point in bringing an end to the evangelical “ex gay” movement, which I know from conversations with many of you, and with many other gay friends and their parents, has created a lot of trauma and pain. 

Much of this seems to have been prompted by a special report by Lisa Ling for OWN called “God & Gays,” which based on this clip, is going to be difficult to watch. (Hey, remember when Lisa was a reporter for Channel One – like the program you watched in high school in the morning?) 

Sneak Peek: Lisa Ling's Special Report - God & Gays

So much pain here.  

May this apology be a step toward justice and reconciliation. 

What do you think?  I’m especially interested in hearing from my gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender readers. What does this apology mean to you? 

 

11 Things I Wish More Pastors Would Say

1. “I don’t know.” 

2. “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.” 

3. “What do you think?”

4. “Sometimes I doubt too.” 

5. “I need to take a break.”

6. “I need to spend time with my family.” 

7. “I’m not exactly sure what this text means, but I’m going to take a stab at it, present some other views, and then we’ll wrestle with it together.” 

8. “We don’t have to agree for you to be welcome here.” 

9. “This is Christ’s body, broken for you. This is Christ’s blood, shed for you.”  

10. “Let’s pray.” 

11. “Let’s eat!”  

I’m blessed to have had several such pastors in my life, though I realize such humility isn’t a given. The irony, of course, is that saying these things not only liberates a congregation; it also liberates the pastor. Often, the most meaningful and impactful words a pastor can share are spoken away from the pulpit. 

I wrote much more about this a few years ago in a post entitled, “Dear Pastors, Tell Us the Truth.” 

So what would you add to this list? 

What's something a pastor has said to you that was painful or destructive? What's something a pastor has said to you that encouraged, healed, or inspired? 

A Year of Biblical Womanhood FREE Discussion Guide – Got Ideas?

So I’ve finally decided to create a FREE discussion guide for A Year of Biblical Womanhood and could use your help in making it more collaborative. 

In addition to the usual discussion questions and list of additional resources, I thought it would be fun to include suggestions and stories from readers who have been inspired by the book. For example, I know one book club made Ahava’s challah bread for each of their sessions; another group worked together to recreate some of my crazier experiments from each chapter; another group made a pact to try and make their spending habits more just.  I’ve heard from churches that have incorporated the “texts of terror” ceremony into their worship services. And of course, many of you have been inspired by the “woman of valor” blessing and have fun stories to tell about that.

mmmm...challah + book club = awesome (submitted by Brooke M. Jackson via Facebook)

If you’re interested in sharing your ideas, responses, or suggestions for discussion, please shoot an email to Katie Strandlund at Katie@rachelheldevans.com. Katie will be helping me with this project.   Or you can just leave a comment here. 

We will credit you with the idea, of course, and if you include your mailing address in your email, we can send you a signed bookplate to stick in your copy of the book (should we use your suggestion in the book study). 

I’ll let everyone know when the discussion guide is finished and on the Web site to download for FREE, which should be in the next 2-3 weeks. 

(Someone must have told me at some point to always write the word FREE in all-caps because that just keeps happening.) 

So, what parts of A Year of Biblical Womanhood created the most discussion in your group? How have you (or your church or your book club) creatively engaged the content? Got any ideas for the discussion guide? 

Thank you! 

 

Sex and the Path of Holiness

Because we’ve spent a good deal of time here discussing the harmful effects of a shame-based purity culture that treats people who have had sex before marriage as “damaged goods” by comparing them to polluted water or chewed-up gum (see “Do Christians Idolize Virginity?” and “Elizabeth Smart, Human Trafficking, and Purity Culture”), some have wrongly concluded that I don’t value saving sex for marriage. 

This is ironic, given the fact that I waited until I was married to have sex and have been known to shout at the TV when my favorite dramas take it for granted that characters attracted to one another with sleep together after the first date. 

Just the other day, a reader left a comment that began, “I know you’re against sexual purity and all…” which I confess kinda made me want to bang my head against the dining room table. (Fortunately, there was a bowl of Honey Nut Spins in the way and I didn’t want to ruin my delicious off-brand breakfast.)

Perhaps the reader got this idea from a Gospel Coalition post that claimed those of us who reject the “damaged goods” approach advocate “commitment free sex” as the alternative— a ridiculous conclusion that grossly misrepresents my position. (See Abigail Rine’s piece at The Atlantic for a much more balanced and truthful overview of the purity culture conversation within evangelicalism.) Or perhaps this is just the result of all the either/or perspectives that plague our discussions on sexuality. 

What is it about sex that sends us religious folks scurrying to these extremes anyway? 

Girls are either virgins or whores. We must advocate either shame or promiscuity. A person is either pure or polluted. We can either withhold information about contraceptives or throw a condom parade. 

Goodness. With something as complex, layered, and beautiful as sexuality, might there be a little space for nuance? Might there be some shades of gray? (…Well that expression is forever ruined in this context, but you know what I mean.) 

Out of all this insanity comes the very wise perspective of a woman who identifies herself as “the very worst missionary,” but who is pretty much “the very best blogger” when it comes to speaking frankly about faith in real life. 

If you haven’t seen it already, check out Jamie Wright’s two-part series on sex. 

From Part 1: 

“It took me a lot of years and a lot of conversations with God (and with people who know more about God than me) to understand that everything I believed about my own sexuality was built on two huge lies.

The first comes from our culture, and it tells us that sex outside of marriage isn't a big deal.

The second is from the Church, and it tells us that sex outside of marriage is the biggest deal of all the deals ever.

One allowed me to give it away freely, convinced I would carry no burden. The other forced me to carry a spirit-crushing load.

Both are complete crap. [Read the entire post]

From Part 2:  

“…We’ve done a really bad job of teaching about sex in the Church. Our approach has been to shame girls for having it, and shame boys for wanting it. And when the smart kids ask, ‘Why wait?’, we shrug our shoulders and say, ‘Because the Bible says.’ Then we give the girls a purity ring and we give the boys nothing and we cross our fingers and hope they'll cross their legs. So dumb.

We've made virginity the goal, when it is purity that we should be aiming for; They're not the same thing. Sexual purity is a lifelong spiritual practice that doesn't begin or end with a single sex act, just as it doesn't begin or end on a wedding night. So when we are asked, "Why wait?", we should have an answer that empowers and prepares people to choose wisely for a lifetime. We should be teaching people something they can carry with them beyond their first roll in the hay. 

Why wait? Um. Because you need to learn some freaking self-control. That's why.

No kidding, the person who is a slave to their sexual desires will have a difficult row to hoe…But the man or woman who has a sense of mastery over their own sexual appetite will be far less likely to fall into the easy traps of addiction and infidelity that plague marriages today. I don't mean to imply that postponing sex guarantees fidelity – it certainly doesn't. And I don't think this is a fail safe for a long and happy marriage, but I think delaying sex is a pretty solid beginning. [Read the post]

I love how Jamie speaks of a holistic sexual ethic that can’t be reduced to a single sex act. The problem with the evangelical purity culture, as I see it, isn’t that it teaches saving sex for marriage, but that it equates virginity with sexual wholeness and therefore as something that can be lost or given or taken away in a single moment. 

Perhaps instead of virginity…or even purity (which carries something of an either/or connotation, I think)…we ought to talk about the path of holiness.  Holiness, to me, means committing every area of my life— from sex, to food, to time, to work—to the lordship of Jesus. It means asking how I might love God and love my neighbors in those areas so that the Spirit can grow love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in the sacred soil of everyday life.

Holiness isn’t about sticking to a list of rules. It isn’t something you either have or don’t have, keep or lose. It’s a way of life, filled with twists and turns, mistakes and growth, uncertainty and reward. And, (to make matters even worse for the fundamentalists), a holy lifestyle often looks different from person to person, though the fruit of the Spirit is the same. 

One of my favorite college professors, Dr. Jim Coffield, began each of his classes with a brief discussion on the book of Proverbs. I’ll never forget how he challenged us to circle the words “path” or “way,” every time they appeared in our reading.  The perpetual AWANA star, I didn’t think it was possible to add more highlights to my heavy Ryrie Study Bible, but by the end of the semester, there were hundreds of new circles in my book of Proverbs. 

I n all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day.

I have directed you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in upright paths.

He is on the path of life who heeds instruction, But he who ignores reproof goes astray.

Dr. Coffield’s point was that wisdom isn’t a single decision; it’s a path, a road, a way. 

Holiness, too, isn’t a single decision, moment, position or thought; it’s a way of life. 

As my friend Zack Hunt put it: “Our identity as the holy people of God is not defined by a list of things we don’t do, but the ways in which we actively and sometimes scandalously incarnate the love, grace, hope, and healing of God to a lost and dying world.”  

I’ve been reading the monastics recently, and it strikes me that while much of modern evangelicalism echoes their teachings on self-control and self-denial when it comes to sexuality, we tend to gloss over a lot what this great cloud of monastic witnesses has to say about self-control and self-denial in other areas of life—like materialism, food, relationships, and hospitality. Ours is indeed a consumeristic culture, the kind that too often turns people into commodities, and I believe Christians can speak into that culture in a unique, life-giving way—not only as it concerns sex-on-demand, but also as it concerns food-on-demand, celebrity-on-demand, stuff-on-demand, cheap-goods-on-demand, pornography-on-demand, entertainment-on-demand, comfort-on-demand, distraction-on-demand, information-on-demand, power-on-demand, energy-on-demand, and all those habits that tend to thrive at the expense of the dignity and value of our fellow human beings or our planet.  Far too often, Christians talk about self-control as it relates to sex, but remain silent when it comes to self-control as it relates to justice.  Perhaps if we approach purity more holistically, if we talk about the importance of restraint and self-control in other areas of life, our feet will become more accustomed to the paths of wisdom, and sexual holiness will just be another part of a lifelong journey. 

Of course all of this sounds pretty vague and theoretical at this point, which is why I hope to continue exploring it at the practical level with our Sexuality & The Church series. Just as pursuing justice can’t be rendered down to a list of rules, so pursuing sexual holiness can’t be reduced to a “have-you-ever?”-type checklist. But I want folks to know that abandoning the painful and destructive narrative that a single sexual encounter can “ruin” a person or make her unworthy of love doesn’t mean swinging to the opposite extreme to endorse an anything-goes sexual ethic. 

I’m still working through this, just like a lot of you. There are questions to which I don’t have answers and sometimes I feel a little out of my depth with this whole series. (You will notice I've been sharing a lot of guest posts, interviews and roundtable discussions...because I'm scared.) 

But it’s nice to know I’ve got friends and mentors with which to travel the path. May the grace of Jesus guide us. 

 

### 

So what are your thoughts on all of this? How do we encourage self-control without resorting to shaming tactics? What does sexual holiness look like long term? 

 

Sunday Superlatives 6/16/13

Rachel, Dad, Amanda & the single fish we caught that day

Happy Father’s Day! So grateful today for a father whose love for me I’ve never once doubted and whose wise, gentle, and playful spirit makes him the best mentor and friend a girl could ever ask for. Wising all the fathers out there a fun, relaxing day.

Now on to Superlatives!

Around the Blogosphere…

Most Encouraging (nominated by Regina Wade): 
Bruce Wydick at  Christianity Today with “Want to Change the World? Sponsor a Child” 

“'This is … amazing,' was all I could mumble. We tried slicing the data different ways, but each showed significant educational improvements. You could beat this data senseless, and it was incapable of showing anything other than extremely large and statistically significant impacts on educational outcomes for sponsored children."

Most Mesmerizing: 
Wind Map

Most Thought-Provoking: 
John Blase at Deeper Story with “Watching our Language” 

“Speaker after speaker after session after session hammered away at the word disciple. But if memory serves up something even half-correct, I never ever heard the word friend….”

Most Important: 
“7 Reasons Why You Might Want to Go For Another Cup of Coffee” 

Most Insightful:
Jonathan Merritt with “What Southern Baptists Must Do to Slow Their Decline”

“If the Southern Baptist Convention wants to regain the credibility, interest, and relevance it has lost, the denomination must learn to put first things first. Namely, sharing the gospel through missions and showing the gospel through acts of service, compassion, and justice.”

Most Informative: 
Melinda Wenner Moyer with “Tantrums: Why Toddlers Freak Out About Everything”

“It’s no coincidence that kids start having tantrums around the time that parents start enforcing rules. When you say no, sweetie, you can’t have that butcher knife, your 20-month-old has no idea that you are depriving her of this awesomely shiny contraption for her own safety. “Since it’s the parent, whom they rely on for everything, who is taking it away, it’s perceived as a withdrawal of love, essentially,” says Alicia Lieberman, a professor of Infant Mental Health at the University of California-San Francisco and author of "The Emotional Life of the Toddler." “They don’t know your reasoning. They just know that something they were getting great pleasure from, all of a sudden, you are taking away.” The pain that this causes, Lieberman says, is similar to what we might feel if our spouse betrays or cheats on us.”

Wisest: 
Jamie Wright with “Sex Part 2: Why Wait?”

“We've made virginity the goal, when it is purity that we should be aiming for; They're not the same thing. Sexual purity is a life long spiritual practice that doesn't begin or end with a single sex act, just as it doesn't begin or end on a wedding night. So when we are asked, "Why wait?", we should have an answer that empowers and prepares people to choose wisely for a lifetime. We should be teaching people something they can carry with them beyond their first roll in the hay.” 

Funniest: 
Colin Fisher with “These sunglasses really fill the void where my personality should be” 

“I’ve tried out a lot of props over the years to fill in for my lack of personality. I had a hacky sack for a while in college, but the guys in the quad I played with forgot it was mine and kept it. Then I wore Hawaiian shirts all the time, but people expect you to be really outgoing when you do that. I also caught a lot of colds. I carried a guitar around, but people kept asking me to play something and of course I didn’t know how to play it, and I’d never heard of the songs they asked for…”

Coolest: 
“27 Stunning Works of Art You Won’t Believe Are Photographs” 

Cleverest: 
"Classical Sculptures Dressed as Hipsters Look Contemporary and Totally Badass” 

Best Advice: 
Susan Cottrell with “To the Parents of Gay Children”

“This is not an offense against you. This is not something your child did to you. They did not “choose gayness” to rebel against you, get back at you or make your life miserable. In fact, it really has nothing do with you. You did not cause this; it’s not a failure on your part. As a younger Christian, taught that homosexuality is a sin, I believed that trauma somewhere in someone’s past caused homosexuality, even if they didn’t remember it. To my surprise, God completely shifted my understanding and revealed to me the many people who had a great childhood and are still gay. He also reminded me of the many straight people who had traumatic childhoods, yet remained straight. Your expectations may lay shattered at your feet. But those are your expectations for your child. Quite simply, they may not God’s expectations. Ask God to replace your vision for your child with His.”

Best Perspective:
Brian Zahnd with “The X-Files is Better Than Scooby-Doo”

“The Spirit of God is an artisan, not an industrialist.”

Best Analysis: 
James McGrath with “Do you need a PhD to Understand the Bible?” 

“This illustrates the irony of the situation. Ham has access to that statement in the psalm in his own language, and thus can quote it, because of the work of scholars. Yet he quotes it in order to denigrate scholarship!”

Best Coincidence (Or was it predestined? Depends on which Baptist you ask…): 
Wade Burleson with “Be Careful of the Hashtag SBCers”

“Barry McCarty, the chief parliamentarian for the Southern Baptist Convention, tweeted this morning that many pastors are tweeting about the Southern Baptist Convention using  #SBC2013 instead of the "official" Southern Baptist Convention hashtag of #SBC13. What's the big deal? Well, it seems #SBC2013 is the "official" hashtag for the annual Sports Bra Challenge (SBC) in New York, whose theme is ‘Reveal Yourself.’ I really think God must have a sense of humor….” 

Best Reminder: 
Blake Hart with “Hurting on Father’s Day”

“In the week leading up to Mother’s Day, there was a flurry of blog posts about respecting mothers for whom reproduction was difficult, who had lost children, or whose lives just didn’t lead down the motherly path. People were writing, posting, and re-posting on blogs, Twitter, and Facebook, and there was a network of people that understood and supported struggling moms. In turn, this week has been complete radio silence. Aside from a few expected posts about how great dad’s are, or what to get dad for his special day, I’ve seen no one talking about those dads for whom this day is less than happy. It’s as if struggling with loss of children or infertility is a uniquely feminine quality. Like moms are moms at conception, whereas dads become dads somewhere between the birthing room and the car ride home.”

Best Response:
Danielle at From Two to One with a four part series on breadwinning wives

“A husband is not less of a man if his wife earns more than he does, just as a wife is not more of a woman if her husband earns more than she does. Kassian’s view turns marriage into a power struggle between men and women, which is deemed God-honoring only when the husband wins.”

Best Reflection: 
Peter Enns with “Tradition is not an anchor to weigh you down, but a sail to move you forward” 

“Expecting the Bible to maintain the type of precisionistic, propositional, consistency–that all of Scripture speaks with one voice as required in some conservative Protestant views of Scripture (i.e., inerrancy, etc.)–fails to embrace Scripture’s own necessary dynamic quality, a quality the New Testament authors were so diligent in expressing. A very new thing happened in the Gospel that previous iterations of God’s word were not able to grasp–namely a messiah who was executed by the Romans rather than defeating them and then raised from the dead. The tradition had to be transformed to account for this.”

Best Biblical Commentary: 
Kristen Rosser on the Samaritan at the Well

“But Jesus does more than just speak to this woman and increase her dignity by asking her help.  He deliberately moves the conversation from the every-day (give me some water) to the spiritual: (the gift I bring is living water).  He converses with her on the same level as he has just a few verses before conversed with Nicodemus-- as an equal.  There is no real difference in his eyes between a scholarly, male Jewish religious leader and an outcast, lowly foreign woman.  When she fails to grasp his first teaching, he asks her to bring her husband-- but the lack of appearance of a husband does not cause him to shut the conversation down.  Jesus allows her to ask him the kind of question a woman in her position would want to ask a prophet."

Best Storytelling:
Aleah Marsden with “Strangers on a Plane”

“We land and I wish my new friend good luck as he sprints to make his connection.  In the airport, in a moment of spiritual clarity, I look up and am startled to realize I am surrounded by the embodiment of thousands of divergent stories milling around me.  I feel overwhelmed, insignificant, powerless to engage the silent status quo, and a deep yearning to speak hope and love to the lonely. With emotion too deep to entirely express, or process, I send up my prayer in an exasperated sigh. And I am reminded, “Ask one person one question.”

Best Tweets: 

She wears high heels / I wear sneakers / We're each expressing our gender identities in ways that make us feel comfortable / Date me

— FeministTaylorSwift (@feministtswift) June 14, 2013

I don't know about you / But I'm feeling 22 / cents underpaid on the dollar

— FeministTaylorSwift (@feministtswift) June 13, 2013

How upsetting that the only real impact of summer break on my life is not having to slow down for school zones.

— Emily Loper (@emilyloper) June 12, 2013

Keep Calm and realize that "Keep Calm and..." is the "Got Milk" of today.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 12, 2013

@rachelheldevans Someone once called our house and asked if I was the "head of the household," to which i replied, "I'm one of them."

— Chris Berardi (@cmberardi) June 6, 2013

We ask God to move mountains but forget that God also wants to move us. In fact, it's possible that we are that mountain.

— Eugene Cho (@EugeneCho) June 11, 2013

Most Thoughtful: 
Marc Cortez with “Three Mistakes We Make When Talking About the Sovereignty of God”

“We don’t praise God for evil, we praise God in the midst of evil. Those are critically different responses. And we must avoid the former lest, in our hurry to comfort, we minimize evil and suggest that God is somehow culpable in the very sin he works so actively against.”

Most Heartbreaking:
Sarah Bessey with “In which God has asked too much of us”

“What is there to say? What can we do but huddle into rows of chairs, and clutch our hearts, and sob into our shredded balled-up tissues? What can we do but stand around and drink juice, red-eyed and hiccuping? We’ll sign up for a few meals when what we really want to do is lay out on the floor, beside you, and cry until we’re empty because what else? There aren’t old stories to tell, no laughter breaking through the sorrow. This is lamentation. I am fumbling for hope. Is there really comfort in the idea of a baby in the arms of Jesus when all we want is for that baby to be in the arms of his broken mama?”

Most Fascinating: 
RJS at Jesus Creed with “The Garden in Ancient Context”

“The garden adjoins God’s residence in the same way that a garden of a palace adjoins the palace. Eden is the source of the waters and the residence of God. The text describes a situation that was well known in the ancient world: a sacred spot featuring a spring with an adjoining well-watered park, stocked with specimens of trees and animals.”

Most Inspiring: 
Kathy Calvin with “Want to Change the World? Let Girls Lead”

“The simple truth is that girls around the world know better than anyone what they need to lead safe, healthy, happy, and productive lives. The job for the rest of us is to listen to them and to create a world where every girl has the chance to realize her promise. Why is this task so important? Because a healthy, educated, empowered adolescent girl has the unique potential to break the cycle of poverty.”

Most Challenging: 
Christena Cleveland with “Why Reconciliation Needs Justice”

“In pursuit of “reconciliation,” many churches and Christian organizations actively recruit diverse people (and even publicize statistics that suggest that they’re making good headway in this area), but they often do so in ways that bypass justice. On the surface (e.g., in the glossy brochure) everything looks cheery and bright –unrealistically bright, Christena the Social Critic says. People of all backgrounds are smiling and communing together, and all seems to be at peace. “Mission accomplished,” majority-culture people proclaim. But the structural inequalities that caused the division in the first place remain unnoticed and untouched. As a result, people of color often report that their experience at Christian organizations is marked by feelings of disempowerment, loneliness, marginalization, exclusion and misunderstanding — what Miroslav Volf callspsychological homelessness.* They feel out of place, on the edge of the circle, silenced, and disconnected from the life-giving heartbeat of the community.”

Most (Delightfully) Irreverent (nominated by Connie Esther): 
Stephanie Drury with “62 Things to Say to Make Your Husband Feel Great” – Part 1 & Part 2  (language warning)

“The way you score weed is such a good complement to me. God knew what I needed when he gave me you.” 

Most Likely to Be a Woman of Valor: 
Ninau Ephraim

Most Likely to Squeeze Christian Feminism Perfectly Into a Beautiful Bloggy Nutshell 
Sarah Bessey at She Loves with “Reclaiming Feminist” 

"I’m a Jesus feminist. I’m a feminist precisely because of my love for Jesus, because following Jesus turned me into a feminist. And if you believe that women are people too, then technically, well, I hate to break it to you, but you are a feminist. After all, at the core, feminism simply means that we champion the dignity, rights, responsibilities, and glories of women as equal in importance to those of men, and we refuse discrimination against women."

On my nightstand….

For the Life of the World by Alexander Schmemann 

Remember Who You Are by Will Willimon 

On the blog…

Most Popular Post: 
“Love Opens the Door: A Plea to American Churches Regarding Gay Scouts” 

Most Popular Comments: 

In response to “Love Opens the Door,” JClyde wrote: 

“I would like to say something from a gay male perspective. Young gay boys need positive male role models (either straight or gay). Scouts was never about exploring sex, it was about becoming a "good person" and discovering yourself and not to exacerbate gender stereotypes and gender norms because those are BS but lets be honest, sometimes gay boys just want to do "normal boy stuff" too . Too often boys who are gay or are perceived to be gay are abandoned by male role models or peers who view them as "weak" or "disgusting". I was lucky to have positive male role models in my life but so many do not. So much talk about the "degenerate gay lifestyle" and nothing about giving kids positive and healthy activities to allow them to grow into healthy fully formed adults. If you want to push us to the fringes of society then you lose the right to complain about us when we become radicalized, shirtless and sex addicted. You want us to stop dancing half naked in the streets during pride...then how about offering us an alternative...you know...like marching in a scouting uniform. I cant think of anything that would make a gay kid more proud than to belong to an organization that taught him how to be a better man.”

In response to “Ask N.T. Wright….Response,” Brad Anderson wrote: 

“I appreciate the fact that throughout these responses, Wright pushes back against any sort of faction-making, line-drawing, or other attempts to essentially force scripture to obey our notions of what is theologically proper."

In response to R.A. Sovilla’s guest post, “In Sickness and in Health: Coping with Endometriosis in Marriage and in the Church,” Emilie wrote: 

“Wow, I'm laying on my couch, waiting for the pain to go down enough to head out, mourning over our adoption case worker leaving and having to tell a new one about my endo AND waiting for my doctor to call so we can discuss a horrible set of options, and THIS pops up on my phone. Not from my endo blogs, but on Rachel's. It made me cry and feel so grateful to be reminded that I'm not alone. Someone else understands pain, loneliness, guilt, and infertility. Someone else has had surgeries that don't work how they "should." Someone else cares enough to invite guest bloggers on board to tell a painful story. Thanks to everyone for making my morning a little less painful.”

### 

So, what caught your eye online this week? What’s happening on your blog? 

 

A Woman’s Voice

It’s tough representing your entire gender.

I feel the pressure every time I climb those
super-intimidating stairs to stand behind one of those super-intimidating
old-school pulpits to give a sermon I spent extra hours preparing because a
small part of me still believes I’m unworthy to give it. I feel it every time I
post a blog or write an article or publish a book, every time I give an
interview or am asked to speak.

“We wanted to feature a woman’s voice,” a well-meaning
conference planner will inform me with excitement, as if mine is sufficient to
capture the experiences of 3.5 billion human beings.

I’ll desperately scan the program for another woman’s face,
trying to shove the old adage from Clare Boothe Luce from my mind: “Because I
am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail no one will say,
‘She doesn’t have what it takes.’ They will say, ‘Women don’t have what it
takes.”

…Read the rest over at Tony Jones’  blog, where I’m guest posting as part of his
Christian Feminism Week.

 

Love Opens the Door: A Plea to American Churches Regarding Gay Scouts

First, let me commend the Southern Baptist Convention for passing resolutions this week to raise awareness regarding the complexities of mental illness and to call on pastors and church leaders to enact better policies related to child abuse. There is still much to be done on both of these fronts, particularly in regard to the troubling support of Sovereign Grace Ministries by some SBC leaders in spite of the organization’s apparent systemic sex abuse cover-up. But these seem to be good steps made in good faith which I trust will be followed by concrete actions within individual church communities.  I’m sure it can be frustrating for folks who spend days at such conventions working and praying through these resolutions to face criticism afterward, so I want to say at the outset that I trust these decisions are made with the best of intentions. 

That said, I think members of the SBC made a serious error in judgment this week by passing a resolution to officially condemn the leadership of Boy Scouts of America for their recent decision to accept openly gay boys into membership.  While stopping short of recommending that Southern Baptists drop ties with the Scouts, the SBC encouraged churches that choose to sever the relationship to expand their Royal Ambassador ministry, a Southern Baptist version of the Boy Scouts that would presumably ban gay participants. 

[You can read the full resolution here.] 

I’m thankful that the SBC recognized the autonomy of its individual churches in making decisions on this matter. (This is what makes them Baptist, and it’s a good thing!) My comments should therefore be read as something of a plea to the members of churches from a variety of denominations who will, in the months to come, make decisions about whether to stop sponsoring Boy Scout troops as a result of the organization’s policies. I speak not as a Southern Baptist or a “gay activist,” but as a fellow Christian concerned about our witness to the world and our care for the most marginalized among us. 

While the resolution expresses “love in Christ for all young people regardless of their perceived sexual orientation,” its condemnation of the Scouts only serves to further alienate those outside the Church from the gospel and to perpetuate the already dysfunctional and unhealthy culture of secrecy, fear, and shame within the conservative evangelical church as it relates to homosexuality. 

The fact is, boy scouts are already forbidden from engaging in sexual activity—heterosexual or homosexual—and so the change in policy simply addresses sexual orientation. In other words, being attracted to the same sex does not automatically disqualify a boy from becoming a scout. 

Is this really a move to condemn? Would a Southern Baptist Church forbid a child from attending Sunday School based solely on his or her sexual orientation? Even among those who count homosexual behavior as a sin, there is usually at least some room in the fellowship for people attracted to the same sex. So why hold the Boy Scouts to more legalistic standards than many SBC churches? This resolution goes beyond the typical condemnation by the SBC of homosexual behavior to condemn homosexual orientation.

It also raises some important questions: Does the SBC plan to disassociate from any group that might have gay members? Will Alcoholics Anonymous be banned from meeting in the church basement because some of its members might be gay? Will children be asked about their sexual orientation or the sexual orientation of their parents before being enrolled in Vacation Bible School? Will churches drop all partnerships with community nonprofits that don't discriminate based on race, gender, or sexual orientation? 

What disassociation from the Scouts would communicate to a community, (perhaps inadvertently), is that people with same-sex attraction are under no circumstances welcome in a Southern Baptist church, even if it’s through a separate community organization like the Boy Scouts. Churches that choose to break from the Scouts simply because there may be gay boys among them will send a clear message to their respective communities that LGBT folks—even teenagers— are not welcome anywhere near their churches; the doors are officially closed to them. 

If that’s the message you want your church to send, then send it. But if it’s not, please reconsider embracing this resolution or disassociating from the Scouts. 

Furthermore, what all of this communicates to kids already in the church is that if they find themselves attracted to the same sex, (or in falling in any way outside sexual “norms”), they better keep their attractions, thoughts, and feelings a secret or else they will be ostracized, maybe even kicked out. 

In response to the Scouts’ decision, the SBC has been promoting its Royal Ambassadors program, a sort of Christianized version of the Boy Scouts that provides the classic “retreat” option for those interested in “protecting” their families from the outside world.  But what happens to the kid in Royal Ambassadors who is gay? What happens to the boy who finally musters the courage to tell his parents or a trusted church leader he is attracted to other guys? Will he be kicked out of Royal Ambassadors? Will he be kicked out of the church? 

I once met a young man at a Christian college who told me that to be gay in a Southern Baptist Church is like living every day in hell. He told me he woke up every morning and went to bed every night with a heavy, palpable fear in his chest. He was burdened by the shame of carrying around a secret he knew he could never tell anyone. As a kid, he was teased by the other boys, and little was done to stop it. The church, he said, was the worst place in the world to be gay, the last place he would ever choose to come out. As soon as he got the chance, he ran as far away from that unreachable white steeple as his legs would carry him. The fact that he remains a committed follower of Jesus, despite the hateful response he has received from many Christians because of his sexuality, astounds and challenges me. 

His is not an unusual story. 

It’s the story of thousands of young people who are both Christian and gay. They are told they have to choose between the two, and when they can’t, they often leave the church or, tragically, choose to leave this earth for good. We cannot continue down this path. It has created too many atheists, too many grave markers, too many grieving families, too many broken hearts.

Our churches should be the safest places in which to come out, not the most dangerous. 

My guess is that most Southern Baptists would agree with me. My guess is that most just haven’t thought through the implications of this resolution, the implications of potentially disassociating from the Boy Scout troops in their community, or the implications of consistently fighting this culture war against homosexuality. 

So if your church is in the process of making such a decision, I encourage you think about it, pray about it, talk with your fellow church members about it, and talk with your gay friends, neighbors, and relatives about it. I also recommend checking out the book Torn by Justin Lee, a young man who was raised in a Southern Baptist church and who is gay. 

Regardless of where one stands on the politics of gay marriage, or even the morality of same sex relationships, the message that a person has to become straight before becoming a part of the Kingdom is dangerous, untrue, and contrary to the Gospel. 

When God wrapped himself in flesh, strapped on sandals, and set up his tabernacle among us, he made a beeline for the poor, the sick, the marginalized, the despised, the sinners, the misfits, and the minorities. He ate with them and drank with them, and despite warnings from the religious leaders, he made them his disciples and friends.  

(And before someone jumps in with a friendly reminder that Jesus told those he healed to “go and sin no more,” let’s remember that no one actually went and sinned no more—not the first disciples, not us, not anybody. We aren't welcomed into the Kingdom on account of our worthiness, but on account of Christ’s worthiness.)

When we demand that people conform to a list of requirements before welcoming them into our churches we effectively “shut the door to the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces,” just as Jesus warned against. 

In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if what makes the Gospel offensive is not who it keeps out, but who it lets in.   Samaritans. Gentiles. Women. Tax collectors. Prostitutes. The poor. The merciful. Peacemakers. Drunks. Addicts. The sick. The uneducated. The persecuted. Slaves. Prisoners. The naked. The hungry. The marginalized. The troublemakers. The oppressed. The misfits. The powerless. Children. A self-important, undisciplined cynic like me.  An ethnic and sexual minority who, though the BIble forbade him from even entering a temple on account of his sexuality, turned to Philip and said, “Look, here is water. What can stand in the way of my being baptized?”  

Though Philip's mind may have raced - "you're a Gentile! you're a eunuch! you know very little about Jesus! - he responded only by following the Ethiopian eunuch to the water and baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 

Look, here is water: The Church is water. The whole world is water. 

What will we let stand in the way? 

Love need not agree or understand or have it all figured out. 

But love always opens the door. 

I pray my brothers and sisters in the Southern Baptist Church will not shut it in any more faces. 

###

Be sure to check out Torn: Rescuing Christians From the Gays vs. Christians Debate by Justin Lee. You can also check out his Web site here. 

If you are a Christian and gay, check out the Gay Christian Network.  

And for scout troops looking for a new home, The United Methodist Church has opened its doors to those dropped by SBC churches. 

See also:  

How to Win a Culture War and Lose a Generation

"All right then, I'll go to hell" 

Is abolition biblical? 

 

Ask N.T. Wright...(response)

This afternoon I am thrilled to host one of today’s best known and respected New Testament
scholars, N.T. Wright, as a guest in our ongoing reader-conducted interview series.  Last
week you submitted over 300 questions for Wright, but we could only pick 6 as
our esteemed guest is busy wrapping up work on the much-anticipated Paul and the Faithfulness of God and its two
companion volumes, Pauline Perspectives and Paul and His Recent Interpreters. (You can pre-order all on Amazon.) 

Wright is the
author of over 100 books, including the popular Surprised by Hope and Simply Christian. His full-scale works—The New
Testament and the People of God, Jesus and the
Victory of God,  The Resurrection of the Son of God, and the
forthcoming Paul and the Faithfulness of God—are part of a projected
six-volume series entitled Christian Origins and the Question of God. He
is also the author of multiple articles, essays, and sermons, many of which you
can access here. (Wright
usually publishes as N.T. Wright when writing academic work, or Tom Wright when
writing for a more popular readership.) 

Wright was the
Bishop of Durham in the Church of England from 2003 until his retirement in
2010. He is currently Research Professor of New Testament and Early
Christianity at St. Mary’s College, University of St. Andrews in
Scotland. 

Like a lot of
you, I’ve been hugely impacted by Wright’s work and am so grateful for the ways
in which he has helped me love Scripture, and the Christ to whom it points,
better. One thing I have always appreciated about him is his commitment to
teaching God's people, not just the intellectual elite, but all who want to
know and follow Jesus. 

Thank
you for your many excellent questions.

From S. Kyle: Dr. Wright: You have argued, particularly in
Surprised by Hope, that the bodily resurrection and the physical nature of the
coming consummation of the Kingdom opens up to us a legitimate basis for
physical action in the world: the things we do in the body and on this planet
for good, matter. How exactly do these things 'last' into the eschaton? How
seamless is the relationship between the now and the not-yet? What seems
especially tricky to me here is doing things that have implications outside of
the Church. Do the parts of the physical world we preserve through our
ecological work literally remain into the eschaton? What about securing justice
for non-believers who will ultimately, we would posit, be judged eternally?
Most fundamentally: how exactly do your eschatological views, particularly in
teasing out these details, provide a well-supported basis for a Christian
social ethic?

The continuity between our present now/not yet time and the
ultimate eschaton is deeply mysterious, since the only model we have for it is
the resurrection of Jesus himself – with the wounds of the nails and the spear
evidence of that continuity.  

There is much about which we must say we do not know and we
quite possibly cannot know at the moment. What we can know and do know is that
we are called to do justice and love mercy and walk humbly with God, and I
don’t see that as e.g. doing something wrong if those for whom we do justice
and mercy turn out to spurn God’s love for themselves. The point of justice and
mercy anyway is not ‘they deserve it’ but ‘this is the way God’s world should
be’, and we are called to do those things that truly anticipate the way God’s
world WILL be.

The
fact that God has promised to put the world right in the end, the fact that he
has raised Jesus from the dead having defeated the power of evil on the cross,
and the fact that he has called us to participate in that death and
resurrection and, by the spirit, to be agents of his blessing in the world (see
the Beatitudes!) indicates clearly enough that our ‘social ethic’ (what a lot
of muddles are contained in the background to that truncated phrase!) is rooted
in God’s act in Jesus, aiming for his final completion of his restorative
justice, implemented in part by us here and now. Part of gospel obedience is
precisely that we do NOT know in the present the answer to questions like this.
See Matthew 25: “‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty
and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite
you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did
we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you…?”

From Jessica: A struggle of mine recently has been reconciling
(or rather trying to reconcile), the seemingly violent and vindictive God of
the Old Testament with the non-violent, "love your enemies," Jesus.
How would you put those two radically different views of God, together?

An old question but best answered by a fresh reading of Isaiah
40-55 on the one hand – the greatest outpouring of divine love and mercy you
can imagine – and of, say, John’s gospel on the other, in which when the spirit
comes he will convict the world of sin in righteousness and judgment.

Beware of false either/or divisions. Of course there is a
problem in, for example, the book of Judges. My view is that when God called
Abraham he knew he was going to work through flawed human beings to bring about
redemption . . . and that the fault lines run forward then all the way to the
cross, the most wicked thing humans ever did and the most loving thing God ever
did. Once we figure out how all that works (probably never!) we will understand
the rest. Part of the problem the way the question is posed is by assuming that
we can abstract an ethical ideal from one part of scripture and use it to judge
the actions of God in another part of scripture, as though scripture were given
us so we could form such dehistoricized abstract ethical judgments! Life just
isn’t like that.

For more, see my response to a similar question posed by Andrew
Wilson.

From Kurt: Hi Dr. Wright, First, allow me to admit that your
writing and speaking has been the most influential thing in my theological,
missional, and spiritual journey in the last 10 years. Before I was introduced
to your work, I was convinced that Christianity was all about pie in the sky
and leaving this world - not redeeming it. Discovering Romans 8 and a God who
groans with creation for its ultimate redemption - [re]new[ed] creation -
changes everything! For showing me this - along with various other things about
the historical Jesus, the apostle Paul, and theology in general - I am truly
grateful.

I do have a question for you: I am wondering if you would be
willing to "show your cards" when it comes to open theism? Most of my
friends who are open theists, Greg Boyd and others, are very influenced by your
work. Certainly, nothing you have said seems to contradict such a God of
possibilities. In fact, your reading of Abraham and Israel as God's "plan
B" actually helps give us a framework for thinking about such things. Even
so, what would your thoughts be on open theism? I realize that you may not
agree with this position of mine, but I would be intrigued to hear some your
observations. Thanks for your continued ministry to the church!

Open theism is not something I have done a lot with and to be
honest (and it’s late at night and I’m busy). I strongly suspect this is one of
those classic American either/or questions that is forcing theology into a box.
I never use the language of ‘Plan B’, certainly not about Abraham and Israel;
in fact I often quote the Rabbi who envisaged God having Abraham in mind from
the start. I don’t want to sign a blank check (or cheque as we spell it),
especially when it’s written in dollars not pounds. Go figure!

From Steve: What is sexuality like in the kingdom of God? Is
everyone in Heaven going to be heterosexual? And if NOT, what are the
implications of that for how we live here and now?

Freud said sex was laughing in the face of death. Jesus said
that in the new world, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage;
having passed beyond death into resurrection, with no prospect of death, there
will be no need for reproduction and hence we may assume no desire for it, just
as now as a 64-year old I no longer have a desire to play rugby though there
was a time when I lived for it. (Not a good analogy but never mind.) Also, be
careful of equating ‘kingdom of God’ with ‘in Heaven.’ Read 1 Corinthians 13
and figure out what Paul is saying about that which lasts into the resurrection
life and that which doesn’t.

The key thing of course is that throughout the New Testament it
is assumed that what God has done in Jesus is new CREATION in which the
original plan of Genesis 1 and 2 is gloriously fulfilled. (See Mark 10 and
elsewhere.) And beware of language that assumes categories like ‘heterosexual’
and similar terms are now solid and fixed entities which are somehow
established. They are modernist constructs which already many postmoderns are
rapidly deconstructing. Don’t build houses on sand.

From Heidi: Because Rachel is such a voice for women in the
blogosphere, I would love for you to address gender inequality in the church
and bring a better reading to the passages that have been used as weapons on
women for generations.

I’ve done this in various writings some of which are available on
the web. The best place to start is with this article, “Women’s Service in the
Church: The Biblical Basis.”

An excerpt, regarding Mary of Bethany:

"I think in particular of the woman who anointed Jesus (without
here going in to the question of who it was and whether it happened more than
once); as some have pointed out, this was a priestly action which Jesus
accepted as such. And I think, too, of the remarkable story of Mary and Martha
in Luke 10."

"Most of us grew up with the line that Martha was
the active type and Mary the passive or contemplative type, and that Jesus is
simply affirming the importance of both and even the priority of devotion to
him. That devotion is undoubtedly part of the importance of the story, but far
more obvious to any first-century reader, and to many readers in Turkey, the
Middle East and many other parts of the world to this day would be the fact
that Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet within the male part of the house rather
than being kept in the back rooms with the other women. This, I am pretty sure,
is what really bothered Martha; no doubt she was cross at being left to do all
the work, but the real problem behind that was that Mary had cut clean across
one of the most basic social conventions. It is as though, in today’s world,
you were to invite me to stay in your house and, when it came to bedtime, I
were to put up a camp bed in your bedroom. We have our own clear but unstated
rules about whose space is which; so did they. And Mary has just flouted
them. And Jesus declares that she is right to do so. She is
‘sitting at his feet’; a phrase which doesn’t mean what it would mean today,
the adoring student gazing up in admiration and love at the wonderful teacher.
As is clear from the use of the phrase elsewhere in the NT (for instance, Paul
with Gamaliel), to sit at the teacher’s feet is a way of saying you are being
a student, picking up the teacher’s wisdom and learning; and in
that very practical world you wouldn’t do this just for the sake of informing
your own mind and heart, but in order to be a teacher, a rabbi, yourself. Like
much in the gospels, this story is left cryptic as far as we at least are
concerned, but I doubt if any first-century reader would have missed the point.
That, no doubt, is part at least of the reason why we find so many women in
positions of leadership, initiative and responsibility in the early church; I
used to think Romans 16 was the most boring chapter in the letter, and now, as
I study the names and think about them, I am struck by how powerfully they
indicate the way in which the teaching both of Jesus and of Paul was being
worked out in practice…."

An excerpt,
regarding 1 Timothy 2

“When people
say that the Bible enshrines patriarchal ideas and attitudes, this passage,
particularly verse 12, is often held up as the prime example. Women mustn’t be
teachers, the verse seems to say; they mustn’t hold any authority over men;
they must keep silent. That, at least, is how many translations put it. This,
as I say, is the main passage that people quote when they want to suggest that
the New Testament forbids the ordination of women. I was once reading these
verses in a church service and a woman near the front exploded in anger, to the
consternation of the rest of the congregation (even though some agreed with
her). The whole passage seems to be saying that women are second-class citizens
at every level. They aren’t even allowed to dress prettily. They are the
daughters of Eve, and she was the original troublemaker. The best thing for
them to do is to get on and have children, and to behave themselves and keep
quiet."

"Well, that’s
how most people read the passage in our culture until quite recently. I fully
acknowledge that the very different reading I’m going to suggest may sound to
begin with as though I’m simply trying to make things easier, to tailor this
bit of Paul to fit our culture. But there is good, solid scholarship behind
what I’m going to say, and I genuinely believe it may be the right
interpretation."

"When you
look at strip cartoons, ‘B’ grade movies, and ‘Z’ grade novels and poems, you
pick up a standard view of how ‘everyone imagines’ men and women behave. Men
are macho, loud-mouthed, arrogant thugs, always fighting and wanting their own
way. Women are simpering, empty-headed creatures, with nothing to think about
except clothes and jewelry. There are ‘Christian’ versions of this, too: the
men must make the decisions, run the show, always be in the lead, telling
everyone what to do; women must stay at home and bring up the children. If you
start looking for a biblical back-up for this view, well, what about Genesis 3?
Adam would never have sinned if Eve hadn’t given in first. Eve has her
punishment, and it’s pain in childbearing (Genesis 3.16)."

"Well, you
don’t have to embrace every aspect of the women’s liberation movement to find
that interpretation hard to swallow. Not only does it stick in our throat as a
way of treating half the human race; it doesn’t fit with what we see in the rest
of the New Testament, in the passages we’ve already glanced at."

"The key to
the present passage, then, is to recognise that it is commanding that women,
too, should be allowed to study and learn, and should not be restrained from
doing so (verse 11). They are to be ‘in full submission’; this is often taken
to mean ‘to the men’, or ‘to their husbands’, but it is equally likely that it
refers to their attitude, as learners, of submission to God or to the gospel –
which of course would be true for men as well. Then the crucial verse 12 need
not be read as ‘I do not allow a woman to teach or hold authority over a man’ –
the translation which has caused so much difficulty in recent years. It can
equally mean (and in context this makes much more sense): ‘I don’t mean to
imply that I’m now setting up women as the new authority over men in the same
way that previously men held authority over women.’ Why might Paul need to say
this?"

"There are
some signs in the letter that it was originally sent to Timothy while he was in
Ephesus. And one of the main things we know about religion in Ephesus is that
the main religion – the biggest Temple, the most famous shrine – was a
female-only cult. The Temple of Artemis (that’s her Greek name; the Romans
called her Diana) was a massive structure which dominated the area; and, as
befitted worshippers of a female deity, the priests were all women. They ruled
the show and kept the men in their place."

"Now if you
were writing a letter to someone in a small, new religious movement with a base
in Ephesus, and wanted to say that because of the gospel of Jesus the old ways
of organising male and female roles had to be rethought from top to bottom,
with one feature of that being that the women were to be encouraged to study
and learn and take a leadership role, you might well want to avoid giving the
wrong impression. Was the apostle saying, people might wonder, that women
should be trained up so that Christianity would gradually become a cult like
that of Artemis, where women did the leading and kept the men in line? That, it
seems to me, is what verse 12 is denying. The word I’ve translated ‘try to
dictate to them’ is unusual, but seems to have the overtones of ‘being bossy’
or ‘seizing control’. Paul is saying, like Jesus in Luke 10, that women must
have the space and leisure to study and learn in their own way, not in order
that they may muscle in and take over the leadership as in the Artemis-cult,
but so that men and women alike can develop whatever gifts of learning,
teaching and leadership God is giving them."

"What’s the
point of the other bits of the passage, then? The first verse (8) is clear: the
men must give themselves to devout prayer, and must not follow the normal
stereotypes of ‘male’ behaviour: no anger or arguing. Then verses 9 and 10
follow, making the same point about the women. They must be set free from their
stereotype, that of fussing all the time about hair-dos, jewellry, and fancy
clothes – but they must be set free, not in order that they can be dowdy,
unobtrusive little mice, but so that they can make a creative contribution to
the wider society. The phrase ‘good works’ in verse 10 sounds pretty bland to
us, but it’s one of the regular ways people used to refer to the social
obligation to spend time and money on people less fortunate than oneself, to be
a benefactor of the town through helping public works, the arts, and so on."

Read the
rest here, and see also this video related to Romans 16:

From Mark: In these theological/political times, where it seems
so important to be in the right "camp" lest we be cast out from
fellowship with others because we do not hold the "correct" views,
how do you suggest moving forward toward greater unity, rather than greater
division?

Beware of ‘camps’.

In the U.S. especially these are usually and
worryingly tied in to the various political either/or positions WHICH THE REST
OF THE WORLD DOES NOT RECOGNISE. Anyone with their wits about them who reads
scripture and prays and is genuinely humble will see that many of the issues which
push people into ‘camps’ - especially but not only in the U.S. - are distortions
in both directions caused by trying to get a quick fix on a doctrinal or
ethical issue, squashing it into the small categories of one particular
culture. Read Philippians 2.1-11 again and again. And Ephesians 4.1-16 as well.

From Laura: Can you and Francis Collins write more awesome songs
together? Pretty please! 

You never know!  The two
we’ve written so far happened more or less by accident.

Thanks for the questions
and sorry these answers are brief! Good wishes to one and all. And say a prayer
for all the final editing and production of the big book on Paul!

### 

Thanks again for your questions! You can check out every installment of our interview series—which includes “Ask an atheist,” “Ask a nun,” “Ask a pacifist,” “Ask a Calvinist,” “Ask a Muslim,” “Ask a gay Christian,” “Ask a Pentecostal” “Ask an environmentalist,” “Ask a funeral director,” "Ask a Liberation Theologian,"  "Ask Shane Claiborne," "Ask Jennifer Knapp," and  many more— here.

 

In Sickness and in Health: Coping with Endometriosis in Marriage and in the Church

 Today’s post in our ongoing series on Sexuality & The Church comes to us from R.A. Sovilla.  R.A. lives, loves, and writes in Southern California.  She is currently experiencing a surgery-based remission from endometriosis pain and is helping launch a nonprofit organization to help women find and finance treatment for chronic pelvic pain.  She blogs about the nonprofit’s progress at http://endononprofit.blogspot.com/. 

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“But you don’t look sick.”

This is a common reaction when I first tell people about my endometriosis, a disease that causes debilitating pelvic pain. Some say it patronizingly, reminding me of doctors who’ve suggested all I need is a Percocet, while others say it with a challenge, as if I ought to whip out my diseased entrails to prove I’m unwell.  I get tired of defending my illness.  It’s like I get to play the defense attorney for a thief who’s stolen my most precious possession.  In fact, for twelve years I kept silent about the pain because the “you don’t look sick” response confirms a deep fear that I won’t be believed and the burden of proof will be on me. 

Frankly, that’s how it is when you have a “woman’s” illness. (Just look up the origins of the word hysteria.) Though there are an estimated 1 in 8 women with endo, too many gynecologists don’t believe endometriosis is serious, and some don’t even believe it’s a real disease (even though if you cut me open you can see it growing on internal organs!).  Nearly all the women I’ve met who share this disease have been told by a doctor in some form or another that the pain is all in their head, so most women with endo don’t get diagnosed for about a decade.  That’s a decade of crippling pain. A decade of not being believed. A decade of being told suck it up, stop being dramatic, don’t be such an attention whore.

As you can imagine, endless despair can be heaped upon women like me. Despair because endometriosis causes the same amount of pain as cancer, but rarely goes into remission and almost never brings the relief of death.   Despair over pain medication that doesn’t work and multiple surgeries that also didn’t work.  Despair over infertility.  Despair because endometriosis has no definable cause, no cure, and continues to progress throughout a woman’s lifetime. 

And then.

Then the Christians offer prayer.  God wants to bring you miraculous healing. I’ve been prayed over by Presbyterians, Baptists, and Pentecostals, by friends and pastors.  The worst part is when immediately after praying I’m asked, “How do you feel now?”  

Um...the same?  

Nothing changes, I am not healed, so the insinuations begin that maybe I didn’t have enough faith.  Or worse still, the suggestion that I must have some huge sexual sin in my life because I have a pelvic pain disorder.  Something tells me that God wasn’t punishing my homeschooled, virginal, 17-year-old self back when my symptoms first began, and suggesting so only encourages a girl to feel guilty for natural sexual attraction.  

And then.

Then the pastor plays the sex card.  Wives should be sexually available to their husbands. Period. I cringe every time I hear this type of teaching because it keeps women objectified in the exact same way pornography does by putting our weight and worth in our ability to give men an orgasm.  It ignores relationship, strips us of our personhood, and takes love out of the picture. (You know, that love that Jesus talks about in Matthew 22.  Or Paul in Corinthians 13.)  This message is damaging to the healthiest of women, but for women like me who sometimes physically can’t even have sex because of pain, it just adds to an already growing mountain of guilt and shame.  We aren’t given space to mourn the loss of our own ability to enjoy sex because we’re so busy feeling guilty over not being able to please our men. 

These messages pile up to create the Big Message:  God doesn’t love you.  You might be able to convince Him to love you, if you have enough faith and if you never have any sexual feelings and also (contrarily) if you play the sex-kitten for your spouse like a good little woman should.  But maybe not even then because, well, you are a woman.  You have a woman’s disease for a reason.  Eve sinned first, after all.  

As the Church, we need to find a better way.  A better way to talk about sex.  A better way to talk about disease. Let’s remember that women, too, are imago dei. Would you reduce Jesus to a sex object?  Do you think of God in terms of how well He can perform for you?  So why would you preach the same about women? 

Let’s remember that disease is a part of our broken world.  Sometimes a girl didn’t do anything to bring harm, disease, or tragedy upon herself. Sometimes life just happens.  Disease just happens.  Throwing false guilt on a girl by suggesting it is her fault she got sick makes us no better than the Pharisees asking Jesus who sinned and caused a man to be born blind.  His response?  No one. 

I’m single and don’t live with the consequences of endometriosis in my sex life yet, so I interviewed my friends Dan and Kandyse who have been married and living with endo for eight years. Since their wedding, Kandyse has had five surgeries, including a hysterectomy, and she has tried just about every pain medication possible.  She’s 28 years old. 

R.A.: Kandyse, you had endometriosis before you got married. Did you know that sex would be difficult?  

Kandyse: No, I didn’t think that it would be painful.  Once we got married and we did have sex – (it was the first time for both of us) – that’s when the pain came…not just when we would have sex, but persistently. A lot of times, the pain brings about vaginismus, and vulvar vestibulitis, which adds to it.  Then you have the emotional side.  All these things add up and then you’re supposed to just have sex whenever your husband wants it?  Not gonna happen.

R.A.: When it comes to your sex life, have you felt loss in not being able to enjoy sex yourself or is more feeling bad about Dan?

Kandyse: To not be able to do it how we want and when we want makes me feel guilty.  It makes me feel like I’m broken.  That goes back to being able to have kids.  The one thing that everybody is “supposed” to do you can’t do, so you feel broken and that makes you feel horrible. I feel bad for Dan more than myself.  Those few times that we can do it, there is pain, but as long as it’s minimal I can usually push through.  But you have to be careful.  You can’t move this way; you can’t move that way; you have to go slow. You can’t just get caught up in the moment, and you can’t try it different ways, cause it all hurts.  

Dan: We’ve heard stories where the wives are just so upset and feel so bad [about not being able to have sex], and then their husbands put them down and yell at them too, and I go, “Why, why would you do that?”  It’s no one’s fault, especially not hers…If she’s in pain, I just say “Okay, we’ll try another time.”

R.A.: My feeling as a woman has often been that we’re objectified and reduced to how we can perform sexually.  Obviously you don’t view Kandyse that way.  Can you talk a little bit about how you do view her?

Dan : I view Kandyse as my wife, as my best friend, as my partner, as a person I will grow old with…I do not view her as a sex object, because that is not what the marriage is about.  It is about being in love, and spending the rest of our lives with each other because we just have this connection where it doesn’t matter what people say.  I think she feels that when she has to stop [during intimacy] she feels it’s a real letdown to herself and she feels she’s letting me down as well. But I should never feel like that. If she’s in pain, I’m in pain.  At no point have I ever been upset about it, yelled at her, been disappointed in her, because that’s not what it’s about.  It’s about being together with someone I truly love. 

…The worst part is the visual aspect of what endometriosis does.  To see my wife crawling on the ground from the bed to the toilet just to go to the bathroom, or to get a change of clothes, that really hits home.  People...think “Eh, it’s pain, you deal with it, you get over it” but sometimes it’s so severe it actually puts a person on the ground, crawling, writhing, curled up in a ball.  To see it in it’s worst stages is really disturbing. 

Kandyse: To have diarrhea and throwing up and passing out because of the pain - that’s crazy!   To not be able to stand up and walk three, four, five steps from the bedroom to the bathroom...when oxycontin, roxycontin, oxycodone, Duladid, morphine  - when that doesn’t help with the pain, it’s serious pain.  

R.A.: Can you tell us a little about what it's like to struggle with infertility?

Kandyse: We got married and knew
we wanted to have kids almost right away.  We waited a couple months, and then were like,
“Okay, let’s try it.”  I come from a
really fertile family where everybody has kids. 
It didn’t happen for us right away, and we thought “It’s not meant to be; it’ll happen when it happens.” Then six months. Then a year. We knew something must be wrong. All this time, my pain is getting worse and worse -  E.R. trips and stuff like that.  Then you get the questions from friends and
family - “When are you having kids? When are you having kids?” -  and it makes you
feel like such a loser.  I’m still not
over the fact that we can't have kids

R.A.: How do you feel about Dan’s response to everything?  Do you feel t his has brought you closer together?

Kandyse: Absolutely, it’s brought us closer together.  Between not being able to have kids and all the surgeries, he could have left at any point thinking I’m not worth it.  But he doesn’t feel that way.  We’ve talked about that.  It’s just a horrible disease and it does stuff to you.  Last night I was trying on bathing suits and started crying cause I hate how I look because of all the surgeries I’ve been through.  It impacts every aspect of your life. Dan’s response makes me feel better and it makes me feel lucky cause a lot of guys aren’t like him.  

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More than five million women in the United States have endometriosis. You can learn more about endometriosis from The Endometriosis Association, from Women'sHealth.gov, Endometriosis.org, and from R.A.'s Web site. Many thanks to her and to Dan and Kandyse for sharing their stories with us. 

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