Kat Parrish's Blog, page 24
April 30, 2018
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy for StoryAuthority
Policy effective as of 2018-05-19. We review our privacy practices on an ongoing basis, and as such we may change this privacy policy from time to time. Please check this page frequently to ensure you are familiar with its current content.
This privacy policy has been compiled to better serve those who are concerned with how their ‘Personally identifiable information’ (PII) is being used online. PII, as used in US privacy law and information security, is information that can be used on its own or with other information to identify, contact, or locate a single person, or to identify an individual in context. Please read our privacy policy carefully to get a clear understanding of how we collect, use, protect or otherwise handle your Personally Identifiable Information in accordance with our website.
For the purposes of the EU General Data Protection Regulation ((EU) 2016/679) (“GDPR”), we, StoryAuthority, are the “data controller”. If you have any questions about this policy or about how we use your personal data, please contact us via our contact details at the end of this policy.
What personal information do we collect from the people that visit our blog, website or app?
When registering on our site, as appropriate, you may be asked to enter your name, email address or other details to help you with your experience.
When do we collect information?
We collect information from you when you register on our site, sign up to receive free content (including ebooks, videos, and offers,) subscribe to a newsletter, respond to a survey, fill out a form to join the site or enter information on our site. Data we request from you may include: name, email address, and any personal data you provide us in a form’s text box.
We will only collect and use your personal data where: we have lawful grounds to do so, including to comply with our legal obligations; we are performing a contract with you for our services; and we have legitimate interests in using your personal data and your interests and fundamental rights do not override those interests.
How do we use your information?
We may use the information we collect from you when you register, make a purchase, sign up for our newsletter, respond to a survey or marketing communication, surf the website, or use certain other site features in the following ways:
• To personalize user’s experience and to allow us to deliver the type of content and product offerings in which you are most interested.
• To improve our website in order to better serve you.
• To allow us to better service you in responding to your customer service requests.
• To administer a contest, promotion, survey or other site feature.
• To send periodic emails regarding other products and services.
How do we protect visitor information?
We have implemented security policies and technical measures to safeguard the personal data we collect. We maintain physical, electronic and procedural safeguards that comply with applicable law, including the GDPR, to safeguard personal data from accidental loss, destruction or damage and unauthorized access, use and disclosure.
Your personal information is contained behind secured networks and is only accessible by a limited number of persons who have special access rights to such systems, and are required to keep the information confidential. In addition, all sensitive/credit information you supply is encrypted via Secure Socket Layer (SSL) technology.
We implement a variety of security measures when a user enters, submits, or accesses their information to maintain the safety of your personal information.
Data Retention
We will use and store your personal data only for as long as necessary, bearing in mind the uses of your personal data as described in this privacy policy and otherwise as communicated to you. We review the personal data we hold at regular intervals and delete permanently or anonymize any personal data which is no longer necessary.
Access to and Control Over Your Personal Data
You have legal rights under applicable law in relation to your personal data. You can ask the following questions, or take the following actions, at any time by contacting us via email or our postal address (found at the end of this policy):
• see what personal data we hold about you (if any), including why we are holding it and who it could be disclosed to;
• ask us to change/correct your personal data;
• ask us to delete your personal data;
• object to the processing of your personal data;
• ask us to restrict the processing of your personal data;
• withdraw any consents you have given us to the processing of your personal data; and
• express any concerns you have about third parties’ use of your personal data.
Change of Purpose
We will only use your Personal Data for the purposes for which we collected it, unless we reasonably consider that we need to use it for another reason and that reason is compatible with the original purpose. If you wish to have an explanation as to how the processing for the new purpose is compatible with the original purpose, please contact us. If we need to use your Personal Data for an unrelated purpose, we will notify you and we will explain the legal basis which allows us to do so.
Do we use ‘cookies’?
Yes. Cookies are small files that a site or its service provider transfers to your computer’s hard drive through your Web browser (if you allow) that enables the site’s or service provider’s systems to recognize your browser and capture and remember certain information. For instance, we use cookies to help us remember and process the items in your shopping cart. They are also used to help us understand your preferences based on previous or current site activity, which enables us to provide you with improved services. We also use cookies to help us compile aggregate data about site traffic and site interaction so that we can offer better site experiences and tools in the future.
We use cookies to: Compile aggregate data about site traffic and site interactions in order to offer better site experiences and tools in the future. We may also use trusted third party services that track this information on our behalf.
You can choose to have your computer warn you each time a cookie is being sent, or you can choose to turn off all cookies. You do this through your browser (like Internet Explorer) settings. Each browser is a little different, so look at your browser’s Help menu to learn the correct way to modify your cookies.
If you disable cookies off, some features will be disabled It won’t affect the users experience that make your site experience more efficient and some of our services will not function properly.
Third Party Disclosure
We do not sell, trade, or otherwise transfer to outside parties your personally identifiable information unless we provide you with advance notice. This does not include website hosting partners and other parties who assist us in operating our website, conducting our business, or servicing you, so long as those parties agree to keep this information confidential. We may also release your information when we believe release is appropriate to comply with the law, enforce our site policies, or protect ours or others’ rights, property, or safety. However, non-personally identifiable visitor information may be provided to other parties such as Google, Facebook, and Twitter, for marketing, advertising, or other uses.
Third Party Links
We use Google Analytics on our website. We along with third-party vendors, such as Google use first-party cookies (such as the Google Analytics cookies) to monitor our marketing efforts.
Opting out:
You can opt out by using the Google Analytics Opt Out Browser add on.
California Online Privacy Protection Act
CalOPPA is the first state law in the nation to require commercial websites and online services to post a privacy policy. The law’s reach stretches well beyond California to require a person or company in the United States (and conceivably the world) that operates websites collecting personally identifiable information from California consumers to post a conspicuous privacy policy on its website stating exactly the information being collected and those individuals with whom it is being shared, and to comply with this policy. – See more at: http://consumercal.org/california-onl...
According to CalOPPA we agree to the following: Users can visit our site anonymously. Once this privacy policy is created, we will add a link to it on our home page, or as a minimum on the first significant page after entering our website.
Users will be notified of any privacy policy changes: On our Privacy Policy Page
Users are able to change their personal information by emailing us.
How does our site handle do not track signals?
We honor do not track signals and do not track, plant cookies, or use advertising when a Do Not Track (DNT) browser mechanism is in place.
COPPA (Children Online Privacy Protection Act)
When it comes to the collection of personal information from children under 13, the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) puts parents in control. The Federal Trade Commission, the nation’s consumer protection agency, enforces the COPPA Rule, which spells out what operators of websites and online services must do to protect children’s privacy and safety online.
We do not specifically market to or knowingly collect personal data from children under 13. If you are under the age of 13, please do not provide us with any of your personal data, including your email address.
Fair Information Practices
The Fair Information Practices Principles form the backbone of privacy law in the United States and the concepts they include have played a significant role in the development of data protection laws around the globe. Understanding the Fair Information Practice Principles and how they should be implemented is critical to comply with the various privacy laws that protect personal information.
In order to be in line with Fair Information Practices we will take the following responsive action, should a data breach occur: We will notify the users via in site notification within 7 business days. We also agree to the individual redress principle, which requires that individuals have a right to pursue legally enforceable rights against data collectors and processors who fail to adhere to the law. This principle requires not only that individuals have enforceable rights against data users, but also that individuals have recourse to courts or a government agency to investigate and/or prosecute non-compliance by data processors.
CAN SPAM Act
The CAN-SPAM Act is a law that sets the rules for commercial email, establishes requirements for commercial messages, gives recipients the right to have emails stopped from being sent to them, and spells out tough penalties for violations.
To be in accordance with CANSPAM we agree to the following: If at any time you would like to unsubscribe from receiving future emails, you can email us at kat@katparrish.com and we will promptly remove you from ALL correspondence.
Contacting Us
If there are any questions regarding this privacy policy, you may contact us using the information below.
StoryAuthority
c/o Domains By Proxy, LLC
14455 N. Hayden Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
United States 85260
+1.4806242599
kat@katparrish.com
Policy effective as of 2018-05-19. We review our privacy practices on an ongoing basis, and as such we may change this privacy policy from time to time. Please check this page frequently to ensure you are familiar with its current content.
This privacy policy has been compiled to better serve those who are concerned with how their ‘Personally identifiable information’ (PII) is being used online. PII, as used in US privacy law and information security, is information that can be used on its own or with other information to identify, contact, or locate a single person, or to identify an individual in context. Please read our privacy policy carefully to get a clear understanding of how we collect, use, protect or otherwise handle your Personally Identifiable Information in accordance with our website.
For the purposes of the EU General Data Protection Regulation ((EU) 2016/679) (“GDPR”), we, StoryAuthority, are the “data controller”. If you have any questions about this policy or about how we use your personal data, please contact us via our contact details at the end of this policy.
What personal information do we collect from the people that visit our blog, website or app?
When registering on our site, as appropriate, you may be asked to enter your name, email address or other details to help you with your experience.
When do we collect information?
We collect information from you when you register on our site, sign up to receive free content (including ebooks, videos, and offers,) subscribe to a newsletter, respond to a survey, fill out a form to join the site or enter information on our site. Data we request from you may include: name, email address, and any personal data you provide us in a form’s text box.
We will only collect and use your personal data where: we have lawful grounds to do so, including to comply with our legal obligations; we are performing a contract with you for our services; and we have legitimate interests in using your personal data and your interests and fundamental rights do not override those interests.
How do we use your information?
We may use the information we collect from you when you register, make a purchase, sign up for our newsletter, respond to a survey or marketing communication, surf the website, or use certain other site features in the following ways:
• To personalize user’s experience and to allow us to deliver the type of content and product offerings in which you are most interested.
• To improve our website in order to better serve you.
• To allow us to better service you in responding to your customer service requests.
• To administer a contest, promotion, survey or other site feature.
• To send periodic emails regarding other products and services.
How do we protect visitor information?
We have implemented security policies and technical measures to safeguard the personal data we collect. We maintain physical, electronic and procedural safeguards that comply with applicable law, including the GDPR, to safeguard personal data from accidental loss, destruction or damage and unauthorized access, use and disclosure.
Your personal information is contained behind secured networks and is only accessible by a limited number of persons who have special access rights to such systems, and are required to keep the information confidential. In addition, all sensitive/credit information you supply is encrypted via Secure Socket Layer (SSL) technology.
We implement a variety of security measures when a user enters, submits, or accesses their information to maintain the safety of your personal information.
Data Retention
We will use and store your personal data only for as long as necessary, bearing in mind the uses of your personal data as described in this privacy policy and otherwise as communicated to you. We review the personal data we hold at regular intervals and delete permanently or anonymize any personal data which is no longer necessary.
Access to and Control Over Your Personal Data
You have legal rights under applicable law in relation to your personal data. You can ask the following questions, or take the following actions, at any time by contacting us via email or our postal address (found at the end of this policy):
• see what personal data we hold about you (if any), including why we are holding it and who it could be disclosed to;
• ask us to change/correct your personal data;
• ask us to delete your personal data;
• object to the processing of your personal data;
• ask us to restrict the processing of your personal data;
• withdraw any consents you have given us to the processing of your personal data; and
• express any concerns you have about third parties’ use of your personal data.
Change of Purpose
We will only use your Personal Data for the purposes for which we collected it, unless we reasonably consider that we need to use it for another reason and that reason is compatible with the original purpose. If you wish to have an explanation as to how the processing for the new purpose is compatible with the original purpose, please contact us. If we need to use your Personal Data for an unrelated purpose, we will notify you and we will explain the legal basis which allows us to do so.
Do we use ‘cookies’?
Yes. Cookies are small files that a site or its service provider transfers to your computer’s hard drive through your Web browser (if you allow) that enables the site’s or service provider’s systems to recognize your browser and capture and remember certain information. For instance, we use cookies to help us remember and process the items in your shopping cart. They are also used to help us understand your preferences based on previous or current site activity, which enables us to provide you with improved services. We also use cookies to help us compile aggregate data about site traffic and site interaction so that we can offer better site experiences and tools in the future.
We use cookies to: Compile aggregate data about site traffic and site interactions in order to offer better site experiences and tools in the future. We may also use trusted third party services that track this information on our behalf.
You can choose to have your computer warn you each time a cookie is being sent, or you can choose to turn off all cookies. You do this through your browser (like Internet Explorer) settings. Each browser is a little different, so look at your browser’s Help menu to learn the correct way to modify your cookies.
If you disable cookies off, some features will be disabled It won’t affect the users experience that make your site experience more efficient and some of our services will not function properly.
Third Party Disclosure
We do not sell, trade, or otherwise transfer to outside parties your personally identifiable information unless we provide you with advance notice. This does not include website hosting partners and other parties who assist us in operating our website, conducting our business, or servicing you, so long as those parties agree to keep this information confidential. We may also release your information when we believe release is appropriate to comply with the law, enforce our site policies, or protect ours or others’ rights, property, or safety. However, non-personally identifiable visitor information may be provided to other parties such as Google, Facebook, and Twitter, for marketing, advertising, or other uses.
Third Party Links
We use Google Analytics on our website. We along with third-party vendors, such as Google use first-party cookies (such as the Google Analytics cookies) to monitor our marketing efforts.
Opting out:
You can opt out by using the Google Analytics Opt Out Browser add on.
California Online Privacy Protection Act
CalOPPA is the first state law in the nation to require commercial websites and online services to post a privacy policy. The law’s reach stretches well beyond California to require a person or company in the United States (and conceivably the world) that operates websites collecting personally identifiable information from California consumers to post a conspicuous privacy policy on its website stating exactly the information being collected and those individuals with whom it is being shared, and to comply with this policy. – See more at: http://consumercal.org/california-onl...
According to CalOPPA we agree to the following: Users can visit our site anonymously. Once this privacy policy is created, we will add a link to it on our home page, or as a minimum on the first significant page after entering our website.
Users will be notified of any privacy policy changes: On our Privacy Policy Page
Users are able to change their personal information by emailing us.
How does our site handle do not track signals?
We honor do not track signals and do not track, plant cookies, or use advertising when a Do Not Track (DNT) browser mechanism is in place.
COPPA (Children Online Privacy Protection Act)
When it comes to the collection of personal information from children under 13, the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) puts parents in control. The Federal Trade Commission, the nation’s consumer protection agency, enforces the COPPA Rule, which spells out what operators of websites and online services must do to protect children’s privacy and safety online.
We do not specifically market to or knowingly collect personal data from children under 13. If you are under the age of 13, please do not provide us with any of your personal data, including your email address.
Fair Information Practices
The Fair Information Practices Principles form the backbone of privacy law in the United States and the concepts they include have played a significant role in the development of data protection laws around the globe. Understanding the Fair Information Practice Principles and how they should be implemented is critical to comply with the various privacy laws that protect personal information.
In order to be in line with Fair Information Practices we will take the following responsive action, should a data breach occur: We will notify the users via in site notification within 7 business days. We also agree to the individual redress principle, which requires that individuals have a right to pursue legally enforceable rights against data collectors and processors who fail to adhere to the law. This principle requires not only that individuals have enforceable rights against data users, but also that individuals have recourse to courts or a government agency to investigate and/or prosecute non-compliance by data processors.
CAN SPAM Act
The CAN-SPAM Act is a law that sets the rules for commercial email, establishes requirements for commercial messages, gives recipients the right to have emails stopped from being sent to them, and spells out tough penalties for violations.
To be in accordance with CANSPAM we agree to the following: If at any time you would like to unsubscribe from receiving future emails, you can email us at kat@katparrish.com and we will promptly remove you from ALL correspondence.
Contacting Us
If there are any questions regarding this privacy policy, you may contact us using the information below.
StoryAuthority
c/o Domains By Proxy, LLC
14455 N. Hayden Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
United States 85260
+1.4806242599
kat@katparrish.com
Published on April 30, 2018 13:32
April 1, 2018
The Ultimate Urban Fantasy giveaway
My novelette,
The Fourth Sense
. is in this giveaway and right now, the only place you can get it is on InstaFreebie. So why not pick it up? And some other books as well.

Published on April 01, 2018 00:59
March 30, 2018
Custom Cover art by John Donald Carlucci

Published on March 30, 2018 16:33
March 27, 2018
Fairy tale giveaway!

Published on March 27, 2018 10:17
March 25, 2018
Cover reveal...The Waking Dream

The theme of the boxed set is dark romance and my story, "The Waking Dream" features a woman who was fathered by Morpheus, god of sleep. She and her sisters are dreamwalkers, but unlike her sisters, my heroine does not have to be ASLEEP to enter another's dreams.
I found this beautiful cover by Natasja Hellenthal of Beyond Book Covers, who is currently selling her work through The Book Cover Designer. Her covers run from $69 to $89, which is a bargain these days.
I actually bought the cover before I had a story for it (a bad habit I have--I have a stockpile of covers; enough to last me through the decade). But I knew at some point I would have the right story and now I do.
Published on March 25, 2018 17:48
March 22, 2018
Meet author L.C. Ireland

Connect with L.C. on:
Twitter Facebook Instagram
On her website.
What does LC stand for and why did you decide to use that for your byline? I was named after two of my aunts, one on my mother’s side and one on my father’s side. One aunt is named Leslie, the other’s middle name is Colleen, thus my full name is Leslie Colleen. But I’ve always gone by “L.C.” My parents brought me home from the hospital calling me L.C.
You began your writing life as a playwright. What drew you to novels? I was that kid who dreamed about writing books before I could even read. One day I realized I was already writing and publishing my own plays, so why not books? So I sat down and made myself start writing.
You write and direct plays. Have you ever acted? I did act in grade school and a little in high school. Unfortunately, I had an “undesirable” body type and found that getting roles was really difficult no matter how hard I worked or how well I sang or acted. I found a lot more success in directing. I started directing when I was 15 and knew that was what I wanted to do for a living.
How did your play Because of Darin (co-written with elementary school students) come about? I always thought I would teach junior high or middle school. But when a job came up across the country for an elementary school drama teacher, I thought I’d apply even though I wasn’t qualified. I was asked in the phone interview if I thought it would be possible to build a drama program from scratch with very young actors.
I said, yes - it sounded like fun! I was hired an hour later. Since then, I have built quite a great program (if I do say so myself), which incorporates many opportunities for creative writing. One year, I decided to work with a fourth-grade class to write their own play. We worked together and had a fantastic time. Since then, it’s become a tradition. This year I co-wrote and published six one-act plays in cooperation with six fourth-grade classes in my district. It is a ton of work, but some much fun.
These kids come up with the craziest ideas. Because of Darin (a play about everything going wrong) is one of the wildest plays I’ve co-written with my elementary-aged co-writers.

Why fantasy? When I was a little girl, my mother would tell me and my sister a story every night about the epic adventures of “Princess L.C. and Princess CallyAnn.” She encouraged our creativity from a young age. One of my favorite books was The Paperbag Princess.
I found fantasy exciting and fresh. I was a little daydreamer with my head lost in the clouds, imagining I was a mermaid every time I went swimming, pretending I saw fairies out of the corner of my eye. When I was about 8 years old, my parents bought us a Nintendo 64 and the game The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I adored that game. I played it so many times the cartridge wore out. I loved the freedom to explore this fantasy world and spent much of my time wandering around the map, making up stories.
Who are your favorite fantasy writers? Anne McCaffrey’s Harper Hall trilogy is one of my favorites. Shannon Hale is another author whose works I have really enjoyed. I love Brandon Sanderson’s writing style, but his books tend to be a little darker than I care for. I am most certainly a fan of noblebright fantasy, the kind of stories where goodness triumphs in the end.
Tell me about your story in MAGIC RISING. In a nutshell, what’s it about? Shatter the Sky tells the story of an important event in the history of the world that many of my other books take place in. Edith is a human who was sold to a frightening man to be his bride. She dreams of escaping and travelling the world, but fears for her life if she tries and fails.
Vadahm is a fae who is the child of an affair. He grew up with his parents resenting everything he stood for and fled his home when his mother arranged to have him killed. These two broken lives collide and change the trajectory of their world as they fight for their love that not even the gods support.
How did you learn about the boxed set? I worked with Kenya (the organizer) on a previous box set and enjoyed the experience.

How important is your newsletter in your marketing efforts? How did you “grow” it? My marketing efforts were horribly unsuccessful before I started a newsletter. Now my newsletter is my main marketing tool. I held off on starting a newsletter for a long while because I don’t enjoy receiving mass emails. But I decided to give it a try and found some success having a newsletter. I enjoy having direct access to my readers without the filters of social media. And I really love when readers respond with questions or feedback. Feedback from readers makes my heart sing.
Do you read other authors’ newsletters? Who do you “follow?” I don’t usually. I tend to get easily overwhelmed by the constant influx of information. To preserve my sanity, I refrain from signing up to newsletters, not even for local businesses I frequent.
How well do you balance work/life? Do you have a set routine for writing or do you grab writing time where you can? I’m a workaholic. If it weren’t for my husband cooking and feeding me, I wouldn’t eat most days. I tend to get hyper focused about work and sometimes need to be reminded that other things exist.
As for writing routine, that varies depending on the time of year. I get more writing done during the summer when I’m not teaching. During the school year, my energy is consumed by my creatively-demanding day job, as well as writing and editing up to ten plays a year. During the school year, I often feel like I’m teetering on the edge of burn-out. My husband keeps me sane.
As for writing goals, I try to write 500 words a day. Sometimes I far surpass that and sometimes I fall short. On average, I write about 10k words a month.
How easy is coming up with titles for you? Ugh! I hate this part. I’m always second-guessing myself. Fortunately, I have beta readers who are happy to weigh in and some writer friends who will help me narrow it down.
Do you listen to music while you work? Or do you need silence? I definitely need silence to write. Even the sound of the dishwasher can distract me. I will listen to music as a warm-up and just let my mind wander and daydream before I write, but when I’m actually writing, silence is best. If the music has lyrics, I won’t get anything written at all (except maybe a transcription of the lyrics).

What’s next? I have a new series launching in April that I am really excited about. This series is inspired by fairy tales and features strong female leads. The first book, Horrid, has already received rave reviews from advanced readers. I am so excited to launch it!
Published on March 22, 2018 01:40
March 18, 2018
Magic Rising!!!! Publishes this week

Published on March 18, 2018 11:13
Sunday Book Giveaways!!

Click here for the Instafreebie Science Fiction and Fantasy March madness lineup.
Want more? Of course you do, because life is all about the Extra.
Scroll through the offerings in the Mystery Magic Adventure giveaway.
Published on March 18, 2018 11:05
March 3, 2018
Sunday Sci Fi--the Next Big Thing
I have a minor in geology and always had a soft spot for trilobites. I wrote this story for a contest a few years ago.
The Next Big Thing

For one thing it was huge, at least a foot long, maybe more. And it was strange in a disturbing way. It looked like what you’d get if you mated a roachy bug to a lobster. She decided it probably was some kind of mutated crustacean that had somehow crawled up from the harbor and found its way into her house. And now she was going to have to deal with it before she’d had a chance to finish her coffee.riscilla Newnam had seen some peculiar things in her 87 years, but she had never seen anything like the bug that crawled across her spotless kitchen floor one sunny July morning as she was eating her oatmeal.
There wasn’t much that Priscilla Newnam was afraid of but the sight of the creature scuttling across her kitchen linoleum was…unsettling. Priscilla’s husband Tom had been a lobster man, and once or twice he’d brought home some strange things he’d found in his pots. There’d been a yellow lobster once, a freakish thing that he’d sold to the owner of a clam bar in Massachusetts who wanted to keep it in a tank to attract customers.
A reporter and photographer from the Cape Courierhad come up to the house to interview Tom. The photographer, a young fellow named Julien Thibidoux, had take Tom’s picture holding the yellow lobster up by one claw. Then Julien had taken a picture of Tom and Priscilla just because he wanted to and sent it to them later. That had been nice of him. She still had the picture on her bedside table.
As she watched the thing move from one end of the kitchen to the other, Priscilla decided that she was going to play the “age card” and turn the problem over to someone else. She hardly ever did that because she didn’t want people to start thinking of her as an old biddy, someone who’d outlived her usefulness. But just this once, she decided she would call animal control and let them deal with it.
When she described what it looked like, the dispatcher sounded skeptical but said she would send someone out right away. Because Priscilla had a young voice, the girl on the phone didn’t dilly-dally around asking her foolish questions like, “Are you sure that there’s really a bug on your floor? Priscilla hated people who assumed that because you were no longer young, you were somehow stupid. She’d been a math teacher until she was 65 and she could still do long division in her head.
The animal control officer they sent was a young man, just out of college from the look of him and he took one look at the thing on her floor and said “Fuck me.” And he didn’t apologize for the profanity in that falsely smarmy way so many people did when they were talking to old people. As if she never heard a bit of salty language.
“You ever see anything like that?” she asked him.
“Yeah,” he said, “I have.” He excused himself and went back to his truck and when he came back, he had a little collapsible trap with some kind of stinking bait in it.
“Where are you taking it?” she asked him.
He didn’t look up as he answered, his attention focused on coaxing the thing into the trap. “Gonna ship it to the university. Marine biology professor up there is paying $100 for specimens. He says they’re showing up all over.” It belatedly occurred to the exterminator that Priscilla might claim ownership of the bug so he added, “I’ll split it with you.”
She waved away the offer. She knew young people always needed money. “No, just ask him to email me when he knows what it is,” she said.
“Email?” he repeated, as if he’d never heard the word before.
“What’s your phone number?” she asked, whipping out her BlackBerry. “I’ll just text you my addie.” He pulled his cell phone out and wordlessly held it out to her so she could see the number scrolling on its screen. She tapped out her message with her thumbs and hit Send with a flourish. The exterminator’s mouth was hanging slightly open. She loved getting that reaction. Young people were always amazed when they saw old people using technology without having to use a Dummies guide.
***
As it turned out, by the time the exterminator’s specimen reached the marine biology professor at the University of Maine, an Icelandic climatologist named Conspiracy nuts launched websites to air their rants about Jurassic Park-style experiments gone awry and to float their theories about where the supposedly extinct creatures might have come from. Trilobite-me.comand cambrianconspiracy.org both claimed a million hits a day, although a check of alexa.com couldn’t verify that kind of traffic.
Everybody had an explanation for the sudden revival of a long-extinct species. Ocean tectonics combined with global warming was a popular choice. The seeding of the oceans by aliens who had collected trilobite DNA on their first visit to the planet was a close second.
While the scientists were still arguing about the “what” and the “why,” an enterprising fish monger in Louisianasold a bushel of trilobites to a New Orleans restaurant noted for its seafood. Served with a dipping sauce of herbs, drawn butter and wine, the trilobites turned out to be succulent and satisfying.
One prominent food critic wrote that trilobites reminded him of Balmain “bugs,” the sweet-fleshed crustaceans found in Sydney Harbor. Their delicate flavor and texture turned out to be extremely versatile. They could be made into fritters and timbales and cakes. They could be baked or fried or poached. Since trilobites came in so many sizes and varieties, they could be tossed together in bouillabaisse and jambalaya and pasta dishes.
The fooderati embraced trilobites with an enthusiasm unseen since the day the kiwi was introduced to the world. The fish showed up as the “secret ingredient” on Iron Chef America. You could buy them in bulk at Costco. Bon Appetit featured a trilobite recipe on its cover in July and then again the following February. Jane and Michael Stern raved about eating trilobites stuffed with Scotch bonnet peppers at a small, family-owned bar and grill outside of Roswell, New Mexico.
Trilobites were cheaper than crabs, or lobsters, or prawns and eating them didn’t raise your cholesterol unless you ate them with a side of fries. Nutritionists praised the high-quality protein available in the average-size trilobite pointing out that a single serving offered high amounts of vitamin B12 as well as trace minerals like potassium, magnesium, copper, phosphorous, and zinc.
Trilobite-shaped tchotches and kitchenware sprang up in catalogues and whimsical websites. Interior designers who had flogged the Santa Felook and embraced bold, black and white cow prints went gaga for what was dubbed “Trilo chic.” Designer Michael Graves created a “trilochair” that was snapped up by furniture boutiques around the world at the bargain price of $575. You could find inexpensive trilobite items on every page of the Lillian Vernon Christmas catalogue, and expensive ones in various museum gift shops.
A struggling single mother in Roanoke, Virginiacame up with a smiling trilobite design she marketed through Café Press and hit the jackpot, eventually selling the design to a Chinese frozen food company for more than a million dollars. A gay college student financed his last two years at MIT by crafting trilobite jewelry and selling it on Etsy.com.
Trilobites. Like American Express, they were everywhere you wanted to be. Until the day Lorenzo Barbato, a scientist working for Save the Tigers, announced that he’d genetically engineered a kitten-size tiger that would never grow any larger. He’d used the size-suppression gene from female lions, so technically his chimera creature should have been called “tigons,” but the tiger genes proved true and the resulting cubs were perfect replicas of their forbears, just shrunk to the size of 12-week old kittens.
His mission had been to preserve tiger DNA in a way that would involve the public in the fight against the extinction of the big cats and he succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. The tiny felines (dubbed “Titties” by the tabloid press) were sold exclusively by breeders licensed by Save the Tigers, with the organization receiving 25 percent of the sale price.
The tigers bred like cats, which is to say that instead of a normal 100-day gestation period producing two to four cubs every two to two and a half years, a litter of “titties” needed only nine weeks, with an average of four to five cubs per litter. Breeders of exotic cats, prized for their tiger-like stripes or leopard-like spots, went out of business overnight. Who’d pay $700 for a lookalike when for $1500; you could get the real thing in miniature? Priscilla Newman, who’d never been much of a one for pets, but had a soft spot for tigers, purchased a cub over the Internet from a breeder in Chicago. She named it Tom.
Tiny tigers were soon the most popular pet in the world, eclipsing cats, dogs, hamsters, mice, iguanas, ferrets and birds by a wide margin. As the scientist had hoped, the tiger population in the wild increased too, mostly because an underground trade in the tiny tigers fed the makers of tiger-bone wine and other illicit industries that rely on tiger parts.
Trilobites were interesting and all, but they couldn’t compare to titties in cuteness. And they couldn’t purr. And they weren’t cuddly. They’d already been extinct for millions of years and nobody had much missed them, so when they faded from public view, they weren’t mourned. In time, the only place you’d find trilobite on an ingredient list was on the label of a cat food can. Ironically, most tittie breeders mixed trilobite-laced wet food in with the raw meat they served their cubs so they’d get extra B12.
Tigers were the new trilobites.
Published on March 03, 2018 20:11
March 2, 2018
Patricia Abbott picks her favorite short stories

Edgar Award finalist Patricia Abbott, author of Shot in Detroit, Concrete Angel, and a new collection of short fiction, I Bring Sorrow and Other Stories of Transgression , has written more than 150 short stories that have appeared in print and online publications. She won the Derringer Award in 2008 for her story "My Hero." She is co-editor of the anthology Discount Noir. She has published two previous collection of short stories, Monkey Justice and Other Stories and Home Invasion. She also maintains one of the most entertaining blogs around, Pattinase, which features everything from author interviews, to a regular Friday column, "Forgotten Books." I don't know anyone I'd rather talk short stories with. Here are her favorite picks today.
My Ten Favorite Short Stories (today)
Since I have spent most of the last twenty years writing short stories, I also read a lot of them. For me, a good short story is closer to a good poem than a good novel. It manages to tell you something, hopefully something important, in a few pages. I always read them in one sitting. (Except perhaps here for the Munro story which is quite long.)
Here are a few of my favorites. Ask me next week and they might change but for now this is the ten. Incidentally nearly all of them are available in PDFs online.
1. So Much Water, So Close to Home, Raymond Carver
A group of men on a camping trip stumble on a dead girl as soon as they arrive, but do not let this detail interfere with their good times. Truly a chilling story and there is a good film of it called JINDABYNE.
2. A Good Man Is Hard To Find, Flannery O'Connor
A family outing turns dark when some escaped criminals stumble upon them on the road. The worst road trip ever. And the most annoying grandmother.
3. New York Day Women, Edwidge Danticat
A daughter spots her mother on the street and is astonished at how her mother's public persona deviates from what she sees at home. Here's a college professor analyzing the story.
4. Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been , Joyce Carol Oates
A young girl, home alone and feeling cocky, flirts with a passerby. (Also a movie called SMOOTH TALK with Laura Dern). Truly scary and I think Oates' best.
5. The Enormous Radio, John Cheever
When a man's radio breaks, he buys a new one that magically picks up conversations in neighboring apartments. His wife becomes a constant listener to the detriment of their marriage.
6. The Bear Came Over the Mountain, Alice Munro
Seemingly about dementia, this story is really about the complexity of love and sexuality. Became the film AWAY.
7. The First Day, Edward P. Jones
A girl starting school learns some new facts about her mother. (This is from the collection LOST IN THE CITY, which may be my favorite collection ever.)
8. A Temporary Matter, Jhumpra Lahiri
A four-day blackout allows a couple to face some truths about their marriage. The video adaptation is available on YouTube.
9. Ballroom of Romance, William Trevor
The story of Birdie, about to qualify as a spinster to her family, who goes back to the ballroom of her youth in hopes of finding the right man.
10. The Things They Carried, Tim O'Brien
Looks at the rucksacks of soldiers fighting in Vietnam for the variety and similarity of what could be found in them.
Even as I type this dozens of other stories flood my head. What a great art form it is.
Published on March 02, 2018 17:10
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