D. Scott Cook's Blog, page 2

Changing the Beliefs that Hold You Back

But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ. -Philippines 3:7-8

Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. -George Bernard Shaw

Spencer Johnson in his book, Who Moved My Cheese, uses a parable about two mouse characters and two little people to illustrate the difficulty of change. Each character in the parable reacts differently.

The two mice sense that change is in the air and begin to prepare for it in advance. They actively seek ways to adjust to the change that’s coming and benefit. Their names are Sniff and Scurry.

The first little person named Haw is slow to change, but will do so if he must. It’s never fun to him, and he would prefer to stay where he is. But in time, he does change.

The last little person named Hem is very skeptical of change, and likes things just as they are. He’s a critic who will look for any reason not to change if possible. He will even try to sabotage his attempts to change.

Each of us tends to be like one of these characters. Most would prefer not to change, like Hem. We do anything to avoid it if possible. Especially when it comes to the theological and doctrinal beliefs we hold.

The biggest obstacle is changing our minds about anything. Nothing really happens until we change our way of thinking. This means being honest about what we believe and being willing to deconstruct beliefs that are holding us back.  

Changing your mind

The word in New Testament Greek for “repentance” is metanoia. It’s a compound word from meta, which means “together with” and noia, which means “the mind.” Thus, together + mind or change of mind.

Metanoia (repentance) has nothing to do with changing your behavior and going in a different direction. Or cleaning up your act to get God’s favor. It’s a picture of one who’s willing to see when they’re in error in their thinking, and are willing to adjust what they believe. This is essential in our journey in Christ. Before there can be a change in outward behavior, there must first be a shift in thinking, a change of mind.

If your theology and doctrine are static, it’s irrelevant

Most churches preach the gospel and the Bible as though they are infallible in their interpretation of it. Denominations prepare “statements of faith” to clearly lay out what they believe so no one will challenge them on those beliefs. But if your doctrine is static, it’s irrelevant. If what you believe isn’t fluid and changing with greater awareness and insight, then you have put God, who cannot be put into a box, into your own doctrinal box !It’s when we see we’re wrong — that our beliefs need to be challenged - that we have the greatest opportunity for spiritual growth.

The apostle Paul (called Saul at the time) was on the road to Damascus when a light shone from Heaven and knocked him off his horse. He was confronted with the resurrected Christ who He was persecuting. Paul was temporarily blinded by this light and led to Damascus (Acts 9:1-9).

For three days Paul ate and drank nothing, and had time to sit and think. Think about what? “How could I have been so wrong?” He was a Pharisee, a zealot for the law who had killed Christians to serve God and protect Judaism. Yet he was wrong. He was actually opposing God. Paul needed to change his mind (metanoia). About what? About everything - and God ended up showing him that.  

Pruning and growth

Plants generally need to be pruned in the winter while they are dormant. This allows for the least amount of trauma to the plant. Without pruning, the plant will become overgrown and useless. The same is true for beliefs that are holding us back. Jesus said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” This has a spiritual implication, as it was assumed everyone did have ears and could hear. The idea is: “those who are open to the leading of the Spirit in truth, listen” (Mark 4:9).

Jesus was bringing truth to these Jews who were under the law. Truth that was based on grace and a finished work in Him. It was new and required spiritual ears to hear and to comprehend. Just as a plant needs to be pruned, so their religious ideas about God, themselves, and others, needed to be pruned. Their ideas were rooted in Jewish religious traditions - not the revelation of the Spirit based on the finished work of Christ, the Messiah.

This process, called theological deconstruction, can be difficult. Just as the people of Jesus’ time needed to deconstruct their theology (change their minds), we may also need to deconstruct some of our own religious traditions and biases. This then allows us to live at a higher level of consciousness in the Spirit of Christ as He reveals it to us.

This higher level is based on one thing: love. All people in Christ and Christ in all people, which is the unconditional love of God. It’s His unconditional love, agape, that delivers us from the lies of the false self or flesh. The false self that keep us in a rut of defeat, trying harder and then failing again, while feeling despair and a sense of condemnation in the process.

Living from a new paradigm

Life is a constant changing paradigm. Forty years ago, no one knew what an iPhone was, or a personal computer. Telephone booths were common and physical mail was the primary way of communicating with others who lived far away. Then came the personal computer in the mid-eighties, and with it, email. Email revolutionized how we communicated with each other. Ten years later, small phones were developed that could send texts to others with similar phones. This revolutionized how we communicated even more.

In time, you could buy an iPhone and have all the known knowledge of man at your disposal through the internet. The reality of the technology to do these things always existed, but the conscious awareness and understanding of it, and how to use it, only came in the late 90s and early part of the 21st century.

Ever-changing with the never-changing God

God doesn’t change as He has no need to change. He is the eternal I AM, and He will always be. He lives and has need of nothing. However, we humans need to change constantly, especially in our understanding of the identity of God, our own identity, and the identity of others.

God is love (agape). That IS who He is. It’s His identity. Most were taught that He’s holy, just, and angry. That’s true, his holiness, justness, and anger (passion) proceeds from love, compassion, mercy, and empathy. A cursory review of Christ’s life in the gospels makes this clear. Do you see God the Father as PURE and PASSONATE LOVE? In LOVE with YOU? He is and He does!

Your identity is found in Christ Jesus, in His finished work of grace. “In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you” (John 14:20). Nothing outside you defines you, not your past failures, your present or your future. Christ in you is your reality. Do you see that Christ is YOUR LIFE (Colossians 3:3)? He is!

As you are in Christ, so are other people. All things are in Christ, nothing is outside of Him, “And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.” (Colossians 1:17). Just as you are loved unconditionally in Christ, so everyone you talk to today and interact with is loved unconditionally in Christ. Do you see them as EQUALS in Christ’s love? Would you love them that way?

Bottom line: Are you willing to consider these truths and to shift your thinking? Changing your mind occurs when you receive a greater revelation of that which already is in the never-changing God.

I encourage you to let the Spirit open your awareness to what ALREADY IS IN CHRIST. To grow in revelation of how this applies to you, and then gradually to live in a greater consciousness of God, yourself, and others.

Things You Can’t Do In Heaven

But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. -Matthew 5:44

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

My grandfather once told me, “Youth is wasted on the young.” I thought I knew what he was saying, but 50 years later, I understand better. As we grow older, we exchange youth for wisdom, but once we have wisdom, we’re too old to take advantage of it like we could when we were young. There are reasons lots of young people play sports and a lot less of us over 40 (except Tom Brady). Our bodies have grown older, weaker, and feebler – not to mention slower and more easily hurt. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking about my younger days and wishing I had one more chance to catch a touchdown pass, or make a last-minute shot for a win.

I remember renewing my driver’s license at the department of motor vehicles when I turned 40. At that time, I still considered myself a young man. The clerk and I discussed the military and age requirements while she finalized my paperwork. I told her I would happily still serve my country if they needed me. She responded, “Honey, if they start drafting people your age, we’re all in trouble.”

Just as there are some things we can’t do once we get older, there are also some things we can’t do once we get to heaven. Many people I work with in spiritual counseling want this life over quickly so they can go home to heaven and be free of pain, difficulties, and problems. But the truth is, every moment of our experience on earth in material form is a gift for us to do things we can’t do in heaven. This life isn’t meant for us to get out of quickly, but for us to experience the power of Christ’s love and life in us and through us.

Christ discussed the things we can’t do in heaven in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:44. Let’s look and see why our time in this temporal, material world is so important.

Love an enemy

You can’t love an enemy in heaven because you’ll have no enemies there. That’s why it’s heaven. There’s only love, compassion, joy, and acceptance in heaven. The opportunity to love an enemy is in the here and now. To experience what it’s like to love someone who has made you their enemy is part of this existence. You’re here to experience and share that kind of agape love. It’s why you live and breathe.

A former coworker decided he didn’t like me because I had been a pastor previously for many years. He did everything he could for six years to get me fired, get under my skin, or sabotage my work. In time, I learned that the only weapon I had was the love of God living in me. I began to love that man through my actions, and God gave me opportunities to do it. By the time I left the company, we were not only friends, but this man was my biggest supporter at the firm. Everyone understands the language of love. The question is whether you’ll let love do its work.

Bless those who curse you

Everyone in heaven loves each other, so there’s no opportunity to bless those who curse you. The word “curse” in Greek is better translated as “condemn.” It means speaking badly about someone without reason. Instead, Jesus says to bless that person. The word for “bless” in Greek is the root of the word “eulogy,” which means to speak well of. When someone gives a eulogy, the purpose is generally to speak well of the person and their life.

In return for someone condemning you unjustly, your response is to speak well of them, whether they deserve it or not, according to Jesus. Why? Because that’s why you’re here in human form on this earth, to experience what it’s like to speak well of someone who condemns you. And when people condemn you, it’s also your opportunity to love them.

Do good to those who hate you

The word for “good” could be translated as “beautiful, lovely, or praiseworthy.” The term “hate” is better understood as “intimidation through threats and false accusations.” Early Christians experienced this from the Jews, who practiced Judaism, and the Gentiles, who were pagans. These Christians were misunderstood, intimidated, and threatened with false accusations. Jesus says let your actions toward them be beautiful, lovely, and praiseworthy.

What? Are you kidding me? Let me clear a few things up. No one is asking you to endure physical or verbal abuse in a cycle of domestic or other violence. What Jesus is communicating can’t be done through self-effort. It goes beyond your determination and wanting to do the “right” thing, whatever that is.

Pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you

The word for “persecute” in Greek could be understood as “zealously persecute with all haste.” It’s the idea of a hunter pursuing his prey. In this case, to do so out of spite. Jesus says to pray for such a person. In the Jewish mindset of Jesus’ time, you only prayed for your family, friends, and the nation, which was always for their protection, health, and well-being.

When Jesus said this, it would have caused quite a commotion. But He wanted this. He was making a profound point and deliberately teaching something different than what their priest taught them from the Torah (law).

The conclusion: resting vs. trying

The Sermon on the Mount, and all its commands, weren’t given so you’d try to obey them. Jesus said what He did to create despair in His hearers so they’d stop trying (and failing). The law was not given so that Israel could keep it. The law was given so they’d learn that they could NEVER keep it (Romans 5:20). Jesus said these words so the Jews would change their minds about trying to keep the law through their own efforts, and instead, look to Him, the Messiah, as their righteousness.

Remember:

Grace means everything is done for free in Christ, and nothing is to be added. No works of faith, no evangelism efforts, no church efforts, no mission efforts, no giving efforts, no trying to be good, no stopping your bad habit. All in Christ is complete; you’re in Him, and He’s in the Father. United, one. What could you possibly give God that He doesn’t already have in Christ?

 Give up trying and begin enjoying the finished work in Christ. His love, peace, joy, patience, and compassion live in you. As He is, so are you in this world, I John 4:17. Trust the Holy Spirit to love as you through you each moment. It’s not your burden to bear, just your privilege to participate.

One of the reasons you’re here is to experience love in all its facets. Each moment is a gift, an opportunity to express the love that lives in you. And, His compassion towards others, even when they’re lost in the confusion and darkness of their minds.

This material world is temporal, and our lives are like a mist that’s here and then gone. So focus on your union and life in Christ in the here and now; love will guide you into an adventure you never dreamed of.

Religion and Spirituality: Confusing the Imitation for the Real Thing

See that no one leads you astray. For many will come in my name, saying, 'I am the Christ,' and they will lead many astray. -Matthew 24:4b-5 (ESV)

I believe a personal relationship with God is healthy, but organized religion has potential for danger, in whatever faith. -Max Lucado

 

When the U.S. Treasury Department trains their agents, instead of studying counterfeit bills, they intensely study our U.S. currency. Then, when they see a counterfeit, they know it. When you know and have experienced the real thing, you recognize a counterfeit for what it is: A cheap imitation.

In our modern world people have mistaken religion, an imitation, for spirituality, the real thing. This has caused mental, emotional, and physical harm to individuals and society as a whole.

Religion is humanity’s attempt to do something for God (deity) and control people (society) through man-made religious organizations, institutions, hierarchies of professionals and non-professionals, “approved” belief systems, traditions, “sacred” writings, rules, ordinances, and sacraments. It’s a system of control that promises much and delivers little.

Yet, people go back, week after week hoping today will be the moment that their marriage is healed, their health restored, or they’re delivered from a besetting “sin.” But it rarely happens. That is the dirty little secret of institutional religion: What they’re doing doesn’t work because it’s outward self-effort and not inner spirit.

Jesus and Religion

Jesus came to establish a new covenant that is in Him, and set aside the old covenant of laws and rules. To put it another way, he came to kill outward religion, of every kind, and replace it with an inward spiritual focus.

Jesus attacked the religious system of laws, rules, and dead works unmercifully. In Matthew 23:27 Jesus said to the religious leaders, Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness (NKJV).

For Jesus, the inner spiritual life was the issue, not outward religious works. In John 5:39, 40 Jesus said to the religious leaders, You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life (NKJV).

Life is not in scriptures, or outward religious works. Life is in Christ, the Messiah.

As you can imagine, this did not set well with the Jewish religious leaders. They had much invested in Judaism and the Temple worship cult. It made them a lot of money, gave them leadership of the nation and a seat at the table with the Roman occupiers.  

Ultimately, religion would kill Jesus, the one who lived from within, from Spirit, from love. Religion can’t abide with something that won’t allow it to control beliefs about God, the actions of people, positions of power and money. It must have something to do, to succeed in, and influence over things of this world.  

Spiritual people need only go inward to Spirit, to know themselves and rest in a finished work in Christ Jesus. The apostle Paul wrote in I Corinthians 2:14, 15 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one (NKJV).

Need for Control

Religion must first gain control of people and power, so that both can serve it. Control comes in diverse ways. An example of this is the need to have specific, approved “sacred” writings. Christianity has the Bible; Islam the Koran and Judaism the Torah and the prophets (Jewish scriptures).

Some groups within Christianity claim the Bible is God’s Word, inerrant and infallible. That the only discrepancies we see in scripture today happened over times as scrolls were hand copied from the originals. I grew up in a denomination that taught this and fought over it. Yet, the Bible does not claim this for itself. It doesn’t claim to be “God’s Word,” inerrant or infallible.

The men who wrote the books in the Bible were Jewish, practiced Judaism and knew the Torah and the prophets. But they had all the human limitations and failings we deal with. These authors each wrote individually, from their own personal experience, cultural context and style, over 1,500 years, with no intent of writing anything inerrant or infallible. Their audience wasn’t 21st century modern, western, Christian people. And their writings weren’t perfect. They contradict each other at times, and there are errors in their writing.

If time and space allowed, I could take you to example after example of how the Bible contradicts itself and has various textual errors. These are not simply mistakes in hand copying from an original scroll, which if we had the originals we could prove without a doubt. But we don’t.

The good news: It’s not the purpose of the Bible to be inerrant or infallible. Its only purpose is to point you to the person of Jesus Christ. It’s a spiritual book that doesn’t need to be inerrant or infallible to be helpful in your spiritual journey and physical life on this earth.

Contrary to popular religious opinion, the Bible is not “God’s Word.” Here’s what everyone seems to forget: Jesus Christ is God’s Word, the “Logos” of God, and His Spirit dwells within in each of us, and we in Him. That is the higher truth that trumps everything else, including “approved” traditions or “sacred” writings.

Outward Verses an Inward Focus

Religion focuses on outward things, such as attendance, giving, working in the organization, buildings and programs, trying to become “better,” supporting doctrinal beliefs, etc. None of these things are of use to a spiritual person.

Paul wrote in Romans 2:28, 29 -- For he is not a Jew who is one outwardly, nor is circumcision that which is outward in the flesh; but he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the Spirit, not in the letter; whose praise is not from men but from God. (NKJV) It’s the inward reality of Christ in us and we in Him that matters, a heart (mindset) that is changed. Outward religious works receive the praises of people but are of no matter to a spiritual person.

In Philippians 3:3 the apostle writes, For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. (NKJV) My translation of this verse? We’ve had an inner change of heart by grace and focus on God in the inner spirit, rejoice in our union in Christ, and have no confidence in what we can do outwardly in our own strength. That is a spiritual person!

Healthy Spirituality

Before you freak out, let me clarify that I love studying the Bible. Let me reiterate, I am NOT against the Bible! I am also NOT against organized religion. They both have their place. Organized religion can encourage people in their faith, based on their level of spiritual maturity.

However, healthy spirituality is the goal. Meaning, living from within, and the reality that you are in Christ and Christ is in you. Nothing needs to be added.

Put another way: You are everything God ever wanted this very moment. The truth about you is Christ. No organization, theological belief system, work or sacrament can add to that truth.

What then does healthy spirituality look like?

Healthy spirituality:

Knows through experience that God is love, above all.

Loves people first.

Is at rest in Christ’s finished work.

Is an inner reality not based on outward efforts.

Needs no rules or laws to live by, but intuitively knows what is needed each moment.

Enjoys each moment as a gift.

Sees the Bible as a support to a relationship with Christ.

Judges no one nor condemns.

Accepts all people as they are this very moment.

Sees all people as equals and loved by God.

Demands nothing from anyone.

The Transition

The transition from outer religious works to focus on inward spiritual reality can be difficult. We’ve lived our lives taught to focus on what we do and what we believe. Loving others as yourself is way down the list. The transition can feel like you’re betraying your faith, but you’re not. You’re embracing it.

Meditation has been an immense help to me in this process of inner spiritual living. Beginning each morning quieting my thoughts through breath-control and focusing on my body in the moment allows my mind to slow down. Meditation, or mindfulness, is being in the moment. Most of us struggle with staying in the moment. We’re either thinking about the past or worrying about the future. But being in the moment is where God dwells. It’s His place. Let it be your focus, and your place too.

Contemplation is listening to the Spirit without talking. Begin with a scripture such as Colossians 3:2, Set your mind on things above, and not on things on the earth (NKJV). Then consider that verse. What does it mean to you? Let its meaning sink deeply into your soul.

Next, listen. In quietness, listen. You are now available for Christ Spirit and His quiet inner voice. Nothing else matters.

Conclusion

All of this is a process. Take your time with it and give yourself grace when starting it. Life is a gift: both precious and messy. You don’t learn by doing everything right. No one ever does. It’s when you fall and stumble that you learn the most.

Let go of the imitations of your past and let your spirit in Christ take you slowly from an outer religious focus to an inner spiritual focus. Before you know it, you’ll begin to experience the freedom and liberty that are already yours in Christ’s finished work.

Remember Paul’s words of wisdom in Galatians 5:1: It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (NKJV)

You are free, indeed!

 

Ever-Changing with Our Never-Changing God

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. -Romans 12:2

If we are to grow into being more like Jesus, every once in a while God has to take a 2x4 and gently whack us on the side of the head to help us change our thinking.- Steven J. Cole

Most churches preach the gospel and the Bible as though they are infallible in their interpretation of it. Denominations prepare “statements of faith” to clearly lay out what they believe so no one will challenge them on those beliefs. But if your doctrine is static, it’s irrelevant. If what you believe isn’t fluid and changing with greater awareness and insight, then you have put God, who cannot be put into a box, into your own doctrinal box !It’s when we see we’re wrong - that our beliefs need to be challenged - that we have the greatest opportunity for spiritual growth.

The apostle Paul (called Saul at the time) was on the road to Damascus when a light shone from Heaven and knocked him off his horse. He was confronted with the resurrected Christ who He was persecuting. Paul was temporarily blinded by this light and led to Damascus (Acts 9:1-9).

For three days Paul ate and drank nothing, and had time to sit and think. Think about what? “How could I have been so wrong?” He was a Pharisee, a zealot for the law who had killed Christians to serve God and protect Judaism. Yet he was wrong. He was actually opposing God. Paul needed to change his mind (metanoia). About what? About everything - and God ended up showing him that.  

Pruning and growth

Plants generally need to be pruned in the winter while they are dormant. This allows for the least amount of trauma to the plant. Without pruning, the plant will become overgrown and useless. The same is true for beliefs that are holding us back. Jesus said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” This has a spiritual implication, as it was assumed everyone did have ears and could hear. The idea is: “those who are open to the leading of the Spirit in truth, listen” (Mark 4:9).

Jesus was bringing truth to these Jews who were under the law. Truth that was based on grace and a finished work in Him. It was new and required spiritual ears to hear and to comprehend. Just as a plant needs to be pruned, so their religious ideas about God, themselves, and others, needed to be pruned. Their ideas were rooted in Jewish religious traditions - not the revelation of the Spirit based on the finished work of Christ, the Messiah.

This process, called theological deconstruction, can be difficult. Just as the people of Jesus’ time needed to deconstruct their theology (change their minds), we may also need to deconstruct some of our own religious traditions and biases. This then allows us to live at a higher level of consciousness in the Spirit of Christ as He reveals it to us.

This higher level is based on one thing: love. All people in Christ and Christ in all people, which is the unconditional love of God. It’s His unconditional love, agape, that delivers us from the lies of the false self or flesh. The false self that keep us in a rut of defeat, trying harder and then failing again, while feeling despair and a sense of condemnation in the process.

Living from a new paradigm

Life is a constant changing paradigm. Forty years ago, no one knew what an iPhone was, or a personal computer. Telephone booths were common and physical mail was the primary way of communicating with others who lived far away. Then came the personal computer in the mid-eighties, and with it, email. Email revolutionized how we communicated with each other. Ten years later, small phones were developed that could send texts to others with similar phones. This revolutionized how we communicated even more.

In time, you could buy an iPhone and have all the known knowledge of man at your disposal through the internet. The reality of the technology to do these things always existed, but the conscious awareness and understanding of it, and how to use it, only came in the late 90s and early part of the 21st century.

Ever-changing with the never-changing God

God doesn’t change as He has no need to change. He is the eternal I AM, and He will always be. He lives and has need of nothing. However, we humans need to change constantly, especially in our understanding of the identity of God, our own identity, and the identity of others.

God is love (agape). That IS who He is. It’s His identity. Most were taught that He’s holy, just, and angry. That’s true, his holiness, justness, and anger (passion) proceeds from love, compassion, mercy, and empathy. A cursory review of Christ’s life in the gospels makes this clear. Do you see God the Father as PURE and PASSONATE LOVE? In LOVE with YOU? He is and He does!

Your identity is found in Christ Jesus, in His finished work of grace. “In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you” (John 14:20). Nothing outside you defines you, not your past failures, your present or your future. Christ in you is your reality. Do you see that Christ is YOUR LIFE (Colossians 3:3)? He is!

As you are in Christ, so are other people. All things are in Christ, nothing is outside of Him, “And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.” (Colossians 1:17). Just as you are loved unconditionally in Christ, so everyone you talk to today and interact with is loved unconditionally in Christ. Do you see them as EQUALS in Christ’s love? Would you love them that way?

Bottom line: Are you willing to consider these truths and to shift your thinking? Changing your mind occurs when you receive a greater revelation of that which already is in the never-changing God.

Let the Spirit open your awareness to WHAT ALREADY IS IN CHRIST. To grow in revelation of how this applies to you, and then gradually to live in a greater consciousness of God, yourself, and others.

Overcoming the Fear of Failure

Although a righteous person may fall seven times, he gets up again. -Proverbs 24:16a

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God--those whom he has called according to his plan. -Romans 8:28

There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure. -Paulo Coelho

Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street. -Zig Ziglar

My brother and I started a restaurant 17 years ago in Carrollton, Texas. The chili we developed and used in most of our menu items was key to attracting patrons to our store. I started developing the recipe from scratch with a desire to make a Midwestern-style chili with a Texas flare. After 20 attempts I was close, but not close enough to what we needed. I continued to experiment, and after 40 attempts the recipe still wasn’t quite right. Finally after 51 attempts, it happened. I produced the winning combination of ingredients that became our signature chili.

The restaurant is now gone, but reflecting back, I never thought of all those recipe attempts as failures or negatives. That’s because each attempt was taking me one step closer to the goal. I knew in time I would eventually succeed, and the final product would be worth the work (and time) in between.

Failure is a necessary part of any journey. If we never fail, we never learn what works and what doesn’t. It also helps us to grow in humility, perseverance and patience, so important to our character. And, it’s the failures in our lives that are our greatest teachers.

However, our society (and the church) disdain failure and only praise success; never acknowledging the failures which built the very foundation for those successes.

The root of the fear of failure

Instead of focusing on the fear of failure, let’s examine the root of the fear itself, which is the fear of rejection.

We tell ourselves that failing at something is never as bad as being “seen as a failure” by ourselves or others. Misunderstanding our identity in Christ can lead us to create a false image or persona we try desperately to maintain externally. And any failure could cause others to think less of us, criticize, judge–even condemn us–crumbling our self-crafted persona and leaving us in turmoil internally.

When we’re driven by fear of rejection, it manifests itself in a fear of failure or a fear of abandonment. Either way, we’re fearful of being less in others’ eyes and losing their acceptance. Or, even being abandoned by them for not living up to a group standard or expectation.

As a pastor, I dealt with this fear myself and among those in my church. We feared the results of our failure more than the failure itself. So, we’d go to church with a mask on, pretend that everything was okay (when it wasn’t) and hope that nobody would find out our hypocrisy. Rather than being real with each other and accepting failure as normal and necessary to our emotional, mental and spiritually growth.

Fear of rejection is based on a false identity

Fear of rejection is based on believing and holding to a false identity. These false identities are based on the belief that fundamentally “I’m no good,” or “I’m worthless,” or “there’s something wrong with me.” The rejection that might come with failure could reinforce these beliefs and the emotional hurt and pain that go with them. These beliefs come from unresolved trauma, hurts and disappointments of the past. All which caused us to create our false identity in the first place. An identity we carry with us, sometimes unknowingly. And it’s this identity that’s the real issue, not the fear of rejection itself.

How do we overcome the fear of failure? We start with the false identities that we’ve created. Otherwise we’re not getting to the root of the issue. When we begin to focus on our true identity in Christ and His life, rather than the false messages of shame, unworthiness and worthlessness we tell ourselves, we begin to live based on the truth of who we truly are. Then our inner person–confident in our union in Him–will begin to overcome the fear of rejection, which eventually will overcome fear of failure.

Love is the key

Love overcomes false identities. When we come to know and experience the immeasurable love God has for us, our mindset begins to change about ourselves and God. This love is known as “agape” love, which is an unconditional love that seeks the highest good of the one loved.

Our union in Christ in spirit is the reality of who we are, “He who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.” (I Corinthians 6:17). Not because we said a prayer or were baptized or tried harder to be “good.”  God’s work in Christ is a completed work of grace. Grace beyond our attempts to do anything for Him. And, we were and have always been included in that completed work, which is our union in Christ.

 What is the truth of my union in Christ? My true identify?

In Christ…

I AM loved

I AM accepted

I AM valued

I AM complete

I AM sufficient

I AM a co-creator

I AM a co-heir

I AM one spirit                                   

I AM abundance

I AM forgiven

I AM patience

I AM peace

I AM kind

I AM holy

I AM free

Let love and your true union in Christ transform the understanding of your identity, and the fear of rejection will give way to the reality that you are, and have always been, accepted in Christ. Knowing this, the fear of failure is less, because you know that no matter the failure, you’re loved, accepted and valued. You’re free to be yourself regardless of “failures” or “successes.” 

Love makes failure your friend

Knowing you’re loved unconditionally no matter what, open’s the opportunity to try new things, be adventurous and live in the moment. Failure can be your friend because you’re not trying to please anyone or any group. You can just be yourself, make failure your friend and learn through it. Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” This can be your mindset too.

Tragically, some church teachings over the centuries has laid a legalistic burden on our backs to look good, do good and be a perfect Christian, which is impossible and never our God’s intent. Jesus is.

The Pharisees of Jesus’ day did the same thing by laying a legalistic burden on the Jews, which was too heavy for them to bear. Jesus said it this way, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light," (Matthew 11:28-30).

Enjoy the unconditional love of God in this endless field of grace that allows you to be yourself, to fail and realize it’s not final, and to learn and grow during your time in this physical body.

The greatest failure is to not love yourself and others, or enjoy being loved. It’s the only reason you live on this planet, so make the most of each moment!

Mindfulness: Living in the Moment

So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:34

No one, having laid the hand upon the plow, and looking (back) on the things behind, is fit (ready to operate) in the Kingdom of God. -Luke 6:62

If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath. -Amit Ray

 

My first experience with Outlook, the Microsoft business platform for email, calendar, and contacts, was in 2006.  It was a little overwhelming at first.  Setting appointments, putting the right email addresses in group emails, making sure my calendar was up to date, going through my inbox (which is all I seemed to do all day), returning emails, setting up meetings when others were free to attend, etc.  Plus, I was continuously reviewing previous emails and meeting notes, and planning meetings and sending emails for things in the future.  Exhausting!

What I realize now, I was never enjoying anything I accomplished or feeling thankful for them.  There was always one more email to send, meeting to attend, problem to solve, or next thing to handle.

It reminds me of how most of us live our lives.  Focused on the past, with all the regrets and “what ifs.” Or focused on the future, with all the fear, worry and anxiety of what might happen.  All while missing out on the precious, present moment.  The moment that will never come again.  The moment that IS LIFE!   

Regret of the Past and Fear of the Future

Most of my life I’ve struggled with this. Instead of focusing on the precious, present moment, I focused on the traumas, hurts and disappointments that happened in the past, or on the fears and worries of things that might happen in the future.  Focusing on the what ifs of my past and future robed me of the present. 

We can’t change the past. It’s already done.  But if we’re willing to face the trauma, hurt and disappointments of our pasts to move into our present, we can experience emotional and mental healing.  If not, we stay on our treadmill of regrets to nowhere. 

Jesus said it this way, “No one, having laid the hand upon the plow, and looking (back) on the things behind, is fit (ready to operate) in the Kingdom of God.” (Luke 6:62) Jesus is using an illustration of a farmer guiding his plow behind an ox.  If the farmer looks back while plowing, the row he’s plowing will be crooked and unusable for planting. The point is: in this life, focusing on the past doesn’t get you anywhere. It just ends up hurting what you’re trying to do in the moment.

The fears we have of the future come from the hurts and traumas of our past.  We want to protect ourselves, or those we love, from the pain we’ve endured.  Somehow, we feel we must control the future, so that things work out based on a predetermined outcome.  But that’s not reality.  Control of circumstances, people and God is a myth.  We can only control our choice in the moment if we focus on the moment.

In my spiritual counseling, I ask clients how many things they worry about ever actually occur.  Most say 99 percent of what they worry about never happens.  So why focus your attention on things that never occur?  Being focused in the moment can help overcome fear and worry of the future.

The Challenge of Focus

Focusing on the moment can be challenging.  Below are a few of the hurdles we face in changing our focus to the present moment:

We’ve trained our brains to live in the past and the future.  Years of focusing on the pain of the past and fear of the future have hardwired the neuro pathways in our brain.  To take a step of change outside that box we’ve lived in for so long is difficult. 

The world around us lives in the past and future.  It’s difficult to break a habit when 99 percent of others we interact with are doing the same thing.

The people who’ve hurt us in the past may still be hurting us today.  Therefore, we’re stuck in a defensive posture emotionally and mentally. We’re always thinking of what they’ve done and how we can protect ourselves from them in the future.

Judging people by their actions and unspoken intents keeps us focused on the past and future.  The very desire to judge, to look at past actions, past failures, etc., leads us further from the present moment.

An unwillingness to forgive anyone who has hurt us in the past keeps us in the past. Forgiving the debts we feel they owe us is absolutely necessary to overcome the tyranny of the traumas, hurts and disappointments of our past. 

Mindfulness: Living in the Moment

Mindfulness is being consciously aware of the moment we’re experiencing.  Being aware of the moment is the first step to freedom from the domination of the past and the fear of the future.   

There are three key elements of mindfulness according to Neal Bierbaum in his book “Practical Mindfulness”. These include:

Having deliberate awareness (paying attention on purpose).

Being nonjudgmental (not seeing things as good or bad, or through the filter of personal judgements based on past conditioning, but “as they are”).

Being nonreactive (to react is automatic, which implies no choice, and may not necessarily be the best for you or for others).

Deliberate awareness is the beginning point of calmness, peace, and rest of soul.  Instead of thoughts racing through my mind, I’m now aware of the thoughts, and I can even become aware of my awareness of the thoughts. 

Living in the moment means we live above petty judgments and opinions.  We live with things as they are, without condemnation or shame from past traumas or fears of potential events in the future. Instead of reacting, we now respond, because the soul is at peace.  We’re aware of the present moment, accepting life as it comes rather than judging and trying to control it, so we respond in the peace and stillness of the soul.  We can now think things through without feeling threatened. 

Path to the Present Moment

If you want to live in the present moment, in stillness of the soul, here’s how to begin.

The apostle Paul wrote, “leading every thought captive into Christ obedience.” (II Corinthians 10:5b) Christ obedience is His finished work or victory.  Ask the Holy Spirit to give you awareness to lead your thoughts captive to the reality of your victory this moment in union with Christ.  This moment you are in union with Christ.  And Christ only dwells in the moment, not the past that is set in time, nor the future that is not here yet.

Meditation is a way to bring your thoughts into captivity.  Meditation is a point of no thought.  You’re not being controlled by the running narrative in your head. Instead, you’re quiet, still and without any thoughts.  It’s in the quietness that we can know ourselves and listen to God’s spirit.  Neil Bierbaum’s book, “Practical Mindfulness”, would be a helpful tool in your journey into meditation.

You are spirit and one with the Holy Spirit.  Ask the Spirit to make you more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.  To come out of the fog of regret and fear from living in the past and future so you can enjoy the precious present.  

But be kind to yourself; change comes slowly, and the first step is the most important one.  Ultimately, it is the Spirit’s responsibility to take care of you, but you have to make a conscious choice to rely on the Spirit each moment. Together, you’ll live the precious present moment life!

 

Only Unconditional Love Can Answer the Question, “Who am I?”

For I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in this flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. -Galatians 2:20

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. -Ephesians 2:4-7 

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood. -Karen Casey

When someone suffers from amnesia, that person usually does not remember who they are.  He or she may have problems remembering significant past events, the places they lived and the people they knew, including their spouse, family and friends. 

To help the person heal and be restored, specialist say they must be shown love and patience in a secure environment of acceptance.  Families can help by sharing treasured photographs, favorite foods and music, and even familiar smells.  Hypnosis can also help in recalling old memories that have been lost.  All aid in finding the person’s identity, now locked within their brain due to a trauma or other issue. 

Answering the existential question “who am I?” is similar.  It’s as if we’ve lost the memory of who we are due to the trauma, pains, hurts and disappointments of life.  This is a frustrating and futile effort for most people. Desperately trying to answer the question while looking outward to temporal things of this world, rather than inward to eternal things of spirit that never change.

Who Am I?

Trying to answer this without a point of reference is hopeless.  If I can’t find the origin of my existence, how will I know who I am today?  I’m not talking about your birth parents, adopted parents, country of origin, native language, cultural affinities, DNA make-up, what you do for a living, your “success” or your “failures.” You’re so much more than those things! 

We’re first and foremost a spirit.  Unseen energy and life that is one with Christ (I Corinthians 6:17). Spirt that expresses in a unique soul (your mind, will and emotion) which manifests through the body and interacts with others in this world of matter. 

Your true self (identity) is in Christ Jesus,  Ephesians 2:4-7 makes this clear, “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” Start with your origin in Christ, where God the Father put you from the eons of time past.  Not because of your good works, but because you were and have always been loved unconditionally. 

Who are you?  You’re your Father’s son/daughter, one in Christ, loved, accepted, and embraced with great value!  You always have been, and you always will be. 

 Nothing Is Wrong With You

Many of us struggle with the feeling of shame that goes with the thought, “something’s wrong with me.”  Which is why we struggle with the “who am I?” question. 

The good news is, nothing’s wrong with you.  Nothing has ever been wrong with you.  God created you as His masterpiece, not His mess-up.  Genesis 1:26, 27a, 31a says, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God, He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them … Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good.”

What’s wrong is our thinking and believing.  If I believe the lie that something’s inherently wrong with me, then I will try to fix it or seek to build an identity that helps me feel better.  But nothing outside yourself will help with the nagging feeling that something’s wrong. 

No amount of success, achievement, money, relationships, religion, etc., can heal this wound.  Only by embracing the reality of our union in Christ, and the unconditional love of God that never ends, can we be healed. 

 Embracing Unconditional Love

God is unconditional love.  That’s what agape is, loving people as they are, where they are each and every moment.  There’s no agenda, no expectations or manipulative tactics.  Just a love that will never, ever let you go or leave you. 

This love was exhibited most profoundly by Christ as He suffered and died for us.  Such love caused the apostle Paul to embrace Christ fully as we see in Galatians 2:20, “For I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in this flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

Paul knew that God loved Him and showed it by what He did, not just what He said.  Christ also loved me and you, and gave Himself for me and you.  Agape love gives sacrificially and continues to give.  Paul’s faith was not in his faith, but the faithfulness of Christ in union with Him. 

Would you trust and embrace the faithfulness of Christ and His absolute unconditional love for you?  If you’re still on the fence, here are a few things that might help:

Out loud, tell God you’re His child embracing His unconditional love for you in Christ Jesus.

Thank Him that His love for you never changes, regardless of your behavior. 

Out loud, agree with God that your identity is in your union with Christ and His finished work of extreme grace.

Thank Him that “something’s wrong with me,” has NEVER been true of you, but that you have always been everything your heavenly Father EVER wanted.

I encourage you to participate in the reality of your union and oneness in Christ and the beauty of who you are each and every minute.  Let His love overflow you, and in time, that love will answer your “who am I?” question.

 

Relationships and Freedom

The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” -Jeremiah 31:3

For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ. -Philippians 1:8 

Love is not forcing the person to do this or that…Love means giving freedom to a person. -Anonymous

Relationships of value are always two sided. 

The relationship is mutually entered, desired, built up and sustained through unconditional love. 

You cannot demand that another person love you, it simply does not work (even if they made a vow to do so).

People are free to choose, which is why relationships can be difficult. 

Yet this choice is precious because romance starts with choice.  A strong marriage is built on the absolute freedom and liberty to choose.  If respect for choice is lost, the romance is lost.  In the freedom of choice, unconditional sacrificial love abounds.

Free to Choose

This is how Papa God has loved us in Christ.  We are free to choose not to love Him, not to kiss back, with perfect liberty and freedom.  Yet everything is completed in Christ for us to enjoy.  It is a finished work, that needs nothing added to it.  Only our thinking needs to change, a new way of seeing a loving and giving heavenly Father. 

Our loving Father has chosen to love us at extreme cost to Himself.  In this understanding, punishment and retribution have no place, now or in eternity.  How could romance flourish if threats of punishment and torment are its source? 

Loved Unconditionally Forever

I hope you chose to enjoy the love of your good and caring heavenly Father.  He does not demand your love, but always chooses to love you.  Whether you chose to love Him or not, His feelings towards you will never change, you will always be loved unconditionally, now and throughout all eternity.