Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic's Blog, page 9

I Refuse to Call This a "Mo'mance"

"I'm going to have to start dating again," I said dolefully to Dr. Mathra, who is, you might recall, my husband. It's probably closer to the truth to say that Bug and I were going to have to start dating again.

Someone Else's Kids

I don't want to parent someone else's kids. It's hard enough parenting my own.

My Mother, the Witch

"So, what -- you're telling me your mom performed an EXORCISM?" "Yeah. I mean, I guess that's what she did. At the time, I didn't really think about it because to me, it was just like when she dealt with bats neighbors' attics. A family had a problem they couldn't deal with and she went over to fix it."

Author! Author?

Overthinking what precise point in the process a writer becomes an author.

We Wish You a Merry Cheesemas

Sing along with some oldies but stinkies: O, Come All Ye Mongers, God Rest Ye Merry, Cheesemonger, Silent Cheese, Here We Come A-Mongering, and Oh, Christmas Cheese, Oh Christmas Cheese.

The New Butter Soup: English Cheddar Chowder

...to save up the required amount of butter would have necessitated protracted butter hoarding in my Corey Haim and Alexander Winter-papered closet. I shudder to think how THAT would have ended.

Blurb Your Enthusiasm

Obviously, we all like to be validated, but having to ask for it so nakedly and then give a deadline by which that validation needs to be delivered feels embarrassing, needy, desperate, and presumptuous.

A Big Stack of Book: Suffering Succotash

Every writer needs this beauty shot. The printed-out hard copy of the manuscript means you can pull out your kitchen scale and say, "18 months of blood weighs 2 pounds, 11 ounces."

Page Fright

I was keyed up and irritable and completely convinced that I could make everything work if I just TRIED HARDER AND LONGER. I was also pretty convinced I could make everything work if I just THREW MY LAPTOP OUT THE WINDOW.

Eat Dirt

I once made a pan of dirt-laced brownies. On purpose. Because I had a crush.