Michael Offutt's Blog, page 126

At least Microsoft could pay for original music in their commercial for the Surface 2 which is more than I can say for X-Men: Days of Future Past

Originality from the American film industry is a horse that died long ago and yet they're still beating on its corpse.

The song titled Adagio in D Minor is brilliant. However, I can't tell you how utterly sick I am at hearing the musical score pop up in movie trailer after movie trailer. Yeah, it was in last year's City of Bones trailer that came out (I think) in November 2012. Now it's in the newest movie trailer for X-Men: Days of Future Past. Here's what I'd say to the marketing departments who make these trailers if I could give them a piece of my mind:

With Hollywood actresses and actors making so much money and films costing millions and millions of dollars, why on Earth can't you come up with an original score of your own? Why must you rob the same soundtrack as others have done for the last five years? I hear Danny Elfman writes music. Are you so cheap that you can't just go and get him to write something for your movie and then use it for your trailer? The Walking Dead has its own musical score and that's a television show. Maybe everyone is right when they say "television is now better than the movies."

To those of you who out there reading my words with no clue as to why I'm in a rage about this, just have a listen. Below is the original music score for Sunshine. It's impressive, and it appeared in this relatively low-budget sci-fi movie's trailer. When I first heard it, I loved it. But I guess SO DID EVERY OTHER FREAKING PERSON ON THE PLANET. NOTE: you may have to advance to about 40 seconds in to get the full effect of the music.
Now listen to the horrible Mortal Instruments...
And compare it to the X-Men trailer for the movie coming out soon...
And then give a hearty listen to The Adjustment Bureau at about 1:35.
And guys, this is seriously just four trailers I could pluck out of thin air in a fit of frustration at hearing the soundtrack yet again from a studio that should know better.

Is there no more originality in this world? Does anyone even care? Disney, you own Marvel and Pixar and Star Wars! You have billions upon billions upon billions of dollars in your cash hoard. You have Elton John, John Williams, and former Mouseketeer's Britney Spears and tongue waggin' Miley Cyrus on speed dial. Are you seriously expecting me to believe that you could find no one to score your more than two minute X-Men: Days of Future Past trailer? Literally, all of my emotions can be summed up in this one picture:
Here's a listen to the Microsoft ad I've been seeing on television. At least Microsoft could pay for original music in their commercial for the Surface 2, and it actually sounds good.

Is S by J.J. Abrams the One Ring for nerds or is it just the biggest money grab in literature for this Christmas Season?

The book called simply "S" written by J.J. Abrams and Doug Dorst. If you've never heard of it until today,
then maybe you're a narcissist and should look beyond yourself once in a while. The world isn't always
about you, you know? :).I have to admit, the marketing behind "S" is unabashedly cool. The book trailer is perhaps one of the finest ever produced (embedded below and with over 2 million views), which is worthy of the likes of someone who makes his living pleasing nerds with special effect laden extravaganzas featuring edgy and compelling stories. For one, "S" is only one letter. Anyone that hears it that's not in the know instantly asks..."What do you mean? Is that a book?" Why yes it is. And second, it comes in a beautiful black slipcover: a distinguishing trait usually reserved for only the most successful authors after a career of writing best sellers. But J.J. doesn't need to be known as a writer who sells books. These days, authors dream of only Hollywood. Having someone that's already conquered Hollywood turn to the arguably banal medium of print is something that the editors of the Big Houses would fall over themselves to acquire. So yeah, it received the best treatment possible.So whether you're a fan or not, Director of Star Trek, Director of Star Wars, science-fiction front man are all titles that J.J. Abrams can lay claim to. And starting today, he can add "novelist" to his list. As writers, we should all admire J.J. Abrams for the king-sized storyteller that he really is. And even catching his eye for a moment with anything we've written might be the single greatest moment in any fiction writer's career (and that's saying a lot since your career could last forty years or more). Imagine a nod from the likes of J.J. Abrams: it would give you bragging rights for decades. As a sixty year-old you could say, "J.J. Abrams once entertained making one of my stories into a short film. Alas it fell through, but I was this close." People would still congratulate you because J.J. is that BIG of a deal.

So am I going to buy "S"?
A new book designed to look like a well-used old book. Interesting, eh?
I love the idea of the margin notes. All the interesting stuff is always in the
margins. I learned that from medieval scriveners who filled the margins of
sacred texts with all kinds of thought provoking eye candy.I don't know. I haven't yet. But I feel a really strong compulsion to go to Barnes and Noble first thing after work and pick up a copy. And I'm not really sure why, because (other than being written by J.J. Abrams) it really is more of a conversation piece than a manifesto of all things so impossibly cool that they cannot be spoken (much like Voldemort's name). For example, I could totally see myself going to my dinner group, whipping it out, and instantly being crowned "King Nerd" by saying, "OMG HAVE YOU GUYS GOT J.J.'S NEW BOOK YET? IT'S FRICKIN' AWESOME!" and then holding it up as if we were all transported to Middle Earth, and I'd just found the One Ring. The best fun would be showing all the cool scribbles in the margins, but not letting people get too close a look because (let's face it) knowledge is power. It could even be great flipping through the pages and laughing out loud with the intent to annoy those who don't have a copy of the book. Puerile? So what. Men can be very childish. Just look at congress and you'll find a whole group of children holding their breath when they don't get their way.

So what's in this book that has a title only one letter long?

Not many people know, and that's just like J.J., is it not? That's the hook that brings you back. That's why LOST was so successful. He's a master of withholding information and frustrating people. A review posted on USA Today said it was filled with paranoia, conspiracy theory, love, and mystery. But there's also (apparently) way too much going on in the narrative (another J.J. trait).

For the bargain savvy book hunter looking for an excuse, "S" has two books in one! The reason for this is that Mr. Abrams wanted "S" to be a celebration of "the book as an object." To elaborate, here's a bit from an expose printed in The New York Times:

Inside a black slipcover stamped with the title, there’s an old library edition of a novel titled “Ship of Theseus,” published in 1949 by a certain V. M. Straka. The author and novel are the fictional creations of Mr. Abrams and Mr. Dorst, but the book’s edge-worn spine, labeled with a faded Dewey decimal sticker, is scuffed, and its corners dented. In used-book selling parlance, the condition of “Ship of Theseus” might be rated “good,” were it not for the tens of thousands of words tattooed in the margins of its yellowed pages by at least two different hands, both in pencil-lead gray and a riot of inks: black, blue, red, orange, purple and green.

Tucked among the pages, readers will find handwritten letters and notes, a college newspaper clipping, a purple mimeographed telegram, photocopied book pages, postcards, an old photograph, a map scrawled on a coffee shop napkin, and even a throwback decoder ring.

So basically, the fun of "S" is having the book itself; to physically hold it and stroke its cover saying, "My preciousss." Okay, maybe that goes a bit far, but you get the picture. I guess I have only one question: Is S by J.J. Abrams the One Ring for nerds, or is it just the biggest money grab in literature for this Christmas season? Ultimately and somewhat unfortunately, I think this is the "true" fun of "S": that it's going to make coffers overflow with coins (but they won't be your coffers). And who doesn't like the sound of a register ringing when you're the seller and not the buyer?

Well played J.J., well played.

Recreational drugs are bad but if you use them please don't participate on a panel for The Walking Dead. The Talking Dead cluster f*ck examined.

Last night's episode of Talking Dead, the talk show hosted by the Nerdist's own Chris Hardwick, had a panel of guests that included Marilyn Manson. This was a HUGE mistake. Within about five minutes, it was painfully obvious that Marilyn Manson was completely high on something. It was difficult to understand anything that came out of his mouth or to follow his logic which at times completely failed to connect with anything relevant to the show or just seemed so insane and discombobulated, you wondered where it was coming from. He'd say something that took two to three minutes to explain and the entire time you're trying to see the connection between Native Americans and colonization, World War Z, and the supposed role reversal of characters in the movie Training Day. Like seriously...it made NO SENSE AT ALL.

Here, you try to make sense of these comments:
Marilyn Manson: "The Governor had strict rules, whether they were good or not. You know, it's our opinion morally or just questionably. Just Rick didn't have any hardcore rules, until now he's started with those three questions. So Rick is kind of realizing politics need to be involved. it's almost starting a new world. It's like when people came to American and killed all the Indians. It's the zombies."
Chris Hardwick in response: "No, it's not like that at all."

Marilyn Manson regarding Carol killing Karen and David: "I think she's trying to be judge and jury, while Rick is trying to be civil. And he's more let's all decide, but he fell apart. And so you've got someone like her, and she's burning those bodies. She's suddenly like a feminist Suffragette City burning bras. I don't think it was personal."
Chris Hardwick in response: "I don't know if burning bras is the same as burning human beings alive."
Marilyn Manson in response to Chris: "No, but I think the recklessness of it. She was just making decisions on her own emotions. She's mad about all the things in her life. Maybe she hasn't gotten laid in awhile. She's like menstruating. Who knows what's going on?"
Chris Hardwick in response: "I'm not sure if I support those last two theories."
Because it's a live show, they obviously couldn't get rid of him. And Chris Hardwick tried his best to mitigate the damage by talking over him and keeping the questions aimed at Jack Osbourne and Gale Anne Hurd. However, it made me think of how incredibly selfish "being high" and then participating on a panel happens to be. You've got legions of fans who watch this show and want to discuss topics like 1) what the hell is going on with Carol and why has she become a psychopath? and 2) who is the voice on the radio and does that mean there's another camp out there that's managed to not only hold off the zombies but has the ability to broadcast over the radio, and 3) do you think Carol would go all psychopathic on Daryl (given that she has love for Daryl) if he came down with everyone else's plague?

If I had paid money to see this panel (like at a Comic Con) I would seriously be pissed off.

Now, I don't think that a public appearance by a stoned Marilyn Manson on any show or in any place could possibly damage his music sales or his reputation. On the contrary, it might actually grow as groupies of his would flock to one of his interests, zombies, even if they already weren't fans of the show. However, how can you possibly have any kind of intelligent discussion on any topic, let alone zombie fiction, when one person is continuously interrupting with nothing relevant to say because their mind is basically shot?

I guess this is one thing I never thought about regarding drug use. Yeah, recreational drugs are bad, and I choose not to use them. But people that do use recreational drugs should also choose not to be dicks and try to carry on conversations with sober people.

Five visions of Hercules but Dwayne Johnson's is by far the coolest

I just saw this newly released picture of Dwayne Johnson clothed in the skin of the Nemean lion from his upcoming epic, Hercules (pictured immediately below) and it made me think, how many artists have tried to capture Hercules over the years? Beneath the set photo of "The Rock" in his role are a few of the artistic representations.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Greece's mythical hero.Here's one called "The Drunken Hercules" by Peter Paul Reubens. The Drunken Hercules Hercules and Cerberus by Boris Vallejo Walt Disney's version of Hercules Hercules vs. the Hydra by Ken BarthelmeySo do you think Dwayne Johnson's version (top picture) is the best? I sure do. I'm actually getting excited to see this picture. I just hope it's better than Clash of the Titans. Dwayne sure is putting a lot of himself into this role. If you want to know more about what I think of Dwayne Johnson and read the Hercules film synopsis, click HERE.

The Walking Dead Sing-Along of The Monster Mash is proof that zombies rule

Halloween's definitely getting closer, so here's more fun for you via "the editing room floor" from the first four seasons of The Walking Dead. Anyway, this Walking Dead Sing-Along of The Monster Mash is proof that zombies rule (and that whoever put this together is f'ing brilliant and may have some time on their hands). I showed it to a couple of friends already, and their consensus is that it's rather "juicy." So, if you don't like gore, it may not be something you want to watch. But what is Halloween without buckets of fake blood?

Hollywood's leading ladies dripping blood and just in time for Halloween

The artist who drew these is really good, but they definitely have a dark side. Want to play a game? You get 100 nerd points if you can name them all in the comments. Have a blood-tastic Wednesday.
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My friend Adam designs magnificent gifs using blender and you should check them out now

So, I've made a friend here in Salt Lake City, and he's a talented artist who works with some software called Blender (which is free). Here is one called "To Sail" that he showed me last night at dinner. If you think this gif is as awesome as I think it is, I encourage you to visit his tumblr by clicking HERE. You will not be disappointed :).
"To Sail by Adam Heath"Have a marvelous Tuesday.

This season on the Walking Dead being stupid is the biggest challenge to overcome

Famous comics have long ripped horror movies for the stupid things that people do. In fact, being stupid got made fun of in Scream to great effect. Now, up until this point, the survivors on the Walking Dead have managed to keep "stupid" in check. That all changed once they assimilated the refugees from Woodbury, and it's driving me nuts.
Don't go off by yourself in the dark. When you hear a noise, tell others.What follows is my list of "stupid" that I end up screaming at the television in disbelief, hoping that somehow Carol, Rick, Darryl, Michonne, or Hershel will hear me. Just like (in a horror movie) you don't wander off by yourself into the darkness with no weapon, there are things that people shouldn't be doing in this world if they want to survive.

1) In the first episode of season 4, Carol is teaching kids how to use weapons during story time without telling their parents. This is wrong and stupid of Carol. She shouldn't be doing this without letting everyone at the prison know. Additionally, when a child tells you he's sick and going to puke, you go and find the person that has the most medical knowledge to see if it's something serious. You don't just let them go off and "sleep off the sickness" in the hopes that it gets better especially in tight quarters.

2) Staying in a prison and not using the doors to your cell to keep you safe at night is just dumb. Lock yourself in at night. Also, don't sleep with anyone else. If they die in the middle of the night from natural causes, they could start gnawing on your leg.

3) Going anywhere without a weapon. Tyrese's girlfriend went into the latrine area with only her flashlight at night. That's really stupid. Everyone should have at least a knife on them at all times. And if you hear a noise, you alert everyone and not just go off to investigate it by yourself.

4) When the pig died why didn't you have the veterinarian, Hershel, figure out why? He's a vet for Pete's sake. Use your resources. Not doing so is just stupid. And then killing the little pigs you were raising because you fear they might have some sickness that spread to humans without proof is also stupid.
Cull the zombies at the fences. Do it eight hours a day if you need to.5) Why on earth are they not actively culling the zombies? In season three we had a whole episode where Morgan showed how it was done. Barricades, trenches filled with spikes, barbed wire and boobie traps...all of these things should be set up outside the line of prison walls to help cull the zombies.

6) Zombies shouldn't be allowed to press on any portion of the fence. The survivors and everyone inside should work eight hour shifts at the gate killing the zombies that press up against the chain link fence.

7) They should be actively washing clothes, maintaining levels of hygiene, and going on runs into town to find anti-bacterial soaps, cleaners, and anything that will keep diseases in check. Water should all be treated with chlorine pills, etc.

8) Stop lighting fires with gasoline. It's a precious resource. Rick started to burn the pig pen down with gas when there was straw right there! Why didn't he grab the straw, use that to start a fire, and then burn the pig pen down? It's stupid!

It's very frustrating watching season 4. Don't get me wrong, two episodes in I'm still a huge fan. I'm just frustrated at how this season, "stupid" seems to be the most dangerous challenge in the world, and it will probably lead to their undoing. Ay carajo.

***** 
Today is Writers 4 Writers. Please visit Alex Cavanaugh and Isis Rushdan and send out a tweet to help them promote their novels!

These three authors would have you believe that writing every day is a myth.

These three authors would have you believe that writing every day is an urban writer myth:
George R.R. Martin. The famous author of A Song of Ice and Fire has anxiety about the HBO TV series passing the point where he is in the writing of the story. He said that he felt like he was "bound to train tracks and could see smoke wafting," though he can't yet see the train. To be honest, George is so slow, so easily distracted, and so unhealthy the likelihood of him not finishing the series is the same as the sun rising in the east.
Thomas Harris. An American author and screenwriter that's managed to produce five books in forty years (Black Sunday, Red Dragon, The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Hannibal Rising). That's about one book every ten years. If he's writing every day, it's one word and then...done. Time to get lunch.
Harper Lee. She wrote one book: To Kill A Mockingbird. Ayep...that's it.

So yeah, why do so many writers listen to the mantra "To be called a writer, you should write every day?" It's pretty much hokum. That's my point and I'm sticking to it. Have a good weekend you nano-wrimo preppers out there!

All your favorite vampires from fiction gathered in one place

Illustrator Matthew Griffin put together this fabulous poster to celebrate Bram Stoker just in time for Halloween. It's all your favorite vampires from fiction gathered in one place. And yes, Alex, it features your favorite vixen from "Underworld" in tight black leather. As a side note, I totally want one of these, framed, and on the wall of my apartment. So cool.