Jon Acuff's Blog, page 28

The broccoli trick to achieving your goals.

When our kids were young, we had a simple rule that saved us countless nights at the dinner table:

“You don’t get to hate something you’ve never tried.”

When we’d serve them a new recipe, they’d take one look at it and say, “I don’t like this.”

This is an amazing defense mechanism against something that has broccoli in it. Upon seeing the tree-like stalks of broccoli poking their smelly heads through the crust of a casserole my kids would react instinctually. The mere presence of broccoli would cause alarm.

“I don’t like this.”

At which point I would say, “You don’t get to hate something you’ve never tried.”

Until you’ve tried something, you’re not really allowed to have an opinion. You might love it. It might be your favorite thing in the world. It could change your life! But you’ll never know if you put up defenses before you’ve even tried it one time.

It’s January, a perfect time to do something new in your life. But, you’ll be tempted to judge it as ineffective before you’ve even really tried it.

That exercise program will never work for me.

That writing approach won’t help me finish my book.

That savings plan isn’t for me.

That set of Facebook Ads won’t help my business.

No matter what your goal is, you’ll catch yourself saying, “I don’t like this” about new things. When you do, tell yourself what I told my kids.

“You don’t get to hate something you’ve never tried.”

And then, do it anyway. You just might be surprised how much you like it.

 

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Here’s the worst gift I ever gave my wife.

What’s the worst gift you ever gave someone?

I’ve given some terrible ones over the years. I would love to say it’s because my personality style doesn’t value gifts or maybe it’s not my love language, but that’s not the truth.

The truth is that sometimes I just wait until the last minute and wing it.

The worst gift I ever gave my wife Jenny is a pair of snowshoes when we lived in Boston.

Here’s why that particular gift was so dumb:

1. She’s from Florida and hates the winter.

2. I only bought one pair. I guess I just imagined her going off to snowshoe in the frozen tundra by herself?

3. They were expensive and we didn’t have any money. When I buy bad gifts, I like to overspend, too.

4. She hadn’t expressed the slightest indication that she would ever want snowshoes.

5. I gave them to her the year we were trying to move back to Georgia, a state not exactly known for its thick, powdery snow.

We still have the snowshoes in our attic somewhere. We haven’t used them once in 19 years and I think we keep them more as a monument to foolishness than as a means of transportation.

That was a dumb gift, but over the years I’ve learned that there’s something amazing you can give just about everyone on your list – belief.

There’s something powerful that happens when you give someone a gift that says, “I believe in you.”

When I started writing books about goal setting, I started to see this happen. A wife would come up to me at an event and say, “I’m giving my husband your book. I see something in him that he doesn’t see in himself. I want to help him see it, too.”

The something was always different. Sometimes it was a writing goal or a career goal or a small business goal.

That’s to be expected I suppose, spouses should believe in each other. That’s how a good marriage works. What caught me off guard was when kids would buy one of my books for their parents. They’d always say the same thing, “My dad wants to write a book.” Or “My mom wants to start a business.” The words were different because the goals are different but at the heart of them was the same message – “I believe in somebody.”

Christmas is the perfect time to give someone a bit of belief because January is right around the corner.

In January, even people who doubt they are capable believe in themselves a little bit. It’s an amazing time to encourage someone because they’ve got a brand new, fresh year ahead of themselves.

I have two things that I think make great gifts for people you believe in.

1. The Finish Paperback

2. The Finish Calendar.

At just under $11, the Finish Paperback is a fun, easy way to give someone a kickstart to their year.

The Finish Calendar is a roadmap to adventure. At 25” x 36” it gives you a massive look at the year ahead and comes in paper or dry erase since plans always seem to change.

Maybe when you read this, someone came to mind. Maybe when you read this, YOU came to mind. Some of the best gifts we’ll get this season are the tiny ones we give ourselves. Like an $11 book or a dry erase calendar that says, “I believe. I believe 2020 is going to be the year I finally do that thing.”

Believe in your family.

Believe in your friends.

Believe in the simple question of “What if?”

A little belief will take you a lot further than snowshoes.

Buy the Finish book here.

Buy the Finish Calendar here.

Jon

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3 Tips to a better work-life balance

How do I balance work, business travel and family life?

I’m glad you asked my opinion on this because I am an expert. I ALWAYS get work-life balance right. Over the last 21 years I have not made a single mistake when it comes to the idea of work-life balance, and I’m probably in line to get a Nobel Prize for this soon because I’m that amazing.

(In case you can’t feel the sarcasm here, I’m obviously joking.)

Like just about everyone else on the planet, I don’t always get the work-life balance thing right.

It’s incredibly hard to master, and I certainly haven’t yet…but I have learned a few things over the years that I want to share with you. These ideas have been learned from 15 years of working for someone else and 6 years working for myself as an entrepreneur.

1. Balance isn’t the goal.

Why? Because perfect balance is a myth. It doesn’t exist.

The reason it doesn’t exist is because every life has seasons. April is challenging for accountants. December is challenging for people who work at churches. The fall is when I speak. The winter is when I write all month long. The summer is when I gain too much weight from cheese consumption.

Almost every profession and life is like this in one way or another, so the idea that work-life balance is this singular thing that can be achieved and maintained all year round is not a reality I believe in.

I spoke once in July and a dozen times in October. Think that affects how much time I spent with my family during those months? Of course it did. Balance would mean I try to speak the same amount of times each month all year long. But the spring and fall are conference season. That would be like an NFL player, yes our body types are similar, saying to his coach, “We play too many games in the fall. Can’t we play one game a month, all year long?”

I didn’t shame myself into feeling guilty in July because I wasn’t working as much. I knew that season was coming in October. Likewise, I’m not going to spend October feeling guilty that I’m not with my family as much. That’s just what happens in October in this season of life, and it’s why we did so much family stuff in July.

Your profession might have a different rhythm or schedule than mine, but don’t shame yourself in a natural season of busyness. Be present when you can be present. Admit the season you’re in and lean into it.

2. I don’t demonize work.

Once in a while I remind my kids that the fun things we do don’t happen without the time I spend working.

When I took my daughter McRae to New York City last year I made it a point to remind her that the reason I was able to be there with her on a Friday afternoon creating fun (expensive) memories was that I was away on business a month earlier.

Did I bring it up several times a day during the trip to beat her over the head with it? No. But I did mention it, just to remind her that work is a part of life, and that it’s a good thing because it makes some amazing experiences possible.

To the best of my abilities, I don’t demonize work in front of my kids. I want them to respect it, and I also want them to realize that because of it, we can make some awesome memories as a family.

It’s crazy that in our “I hate Mondays” culture we criticize our own jobs vocally in front of our kids for 18 years and then act surprised when they don’t like to work in their 20s.

How you talk about your job today impacts how your kids will think about their jobs tomorrow.

Whenever I can, I tie my work into the fun things we get to do in real life as a family.

3. We share calendars.

Like a lot of families these days, we use shared calendars to our advantage in the Acuff household as much as possible. Whether it’s digital or paper, we’ve found that communicating our activities and planning time together leads to less hassle and more awesome.

At any time, my kids can look at our shared Google calendar and say, “Oh dad has a phone call,” or, “Oh dad is out of town that day,” and know that I’m not available. Likewise, I can see when I’m supposed to take someone to swim practice so I don’t double-book myself.

We also use our gigantic Finish Wall Calendar to plot out adventures for the year so we can see how much time we’re spending together as a family during every season. (We plan in dry erase, because life when you’ve got a family is very rarely lived in ink. Something unexpected always happens!)

It kills me that in every other area of our lives we plan when things are going to happen, but when it comes to family time we assume that it will just magically appear like a double rainbow (do we know what it means, yet?). Of course it won’t! We don’t just hope family time happens, we plan it (and track it) strategically on our wall calendar.

(This is my favorite, by the way. I’ve been using it for 9 years. You can get yours here.)

Balancing work life and family life perfectly is a myth. Every profession and every season is different. Lean into the season you’re in, don’t demonize work, and plan your adventures with your family ahead of time.

Jon

P.S. The 2020 Finish Wall Calendar features a landscape orientation on one side and portrait on the other, and it’s less than $30! Get yours here.

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The loneliness of a new idea

Iggy Pop is a punk legend.

Although his band, The Stooges, was never massively successful from a commercial standpoint, his influence is undeniable. Often called the, “Godfather of Punk,” Iggy Pop has a long legacy of bands that have followed in his wake. From the Smiths to the Ramones to Nirvana, countless bands list Iggy as the reason they first played music.

An article in the New Yorker recently chronicled Iggy’s influence and one particular quote stuck out to me. Josh Homme, the lead singer of the Queens of the Stone Age, said, “He (Iggy) has been so ahead of his time, for so long. That’s lonely. Part of the nature of a good idea is that no one around you gets it.”

That’s one of the truest things I’ve ever read.

The problem is we expect the opposite to happen. It’s impossible to casually have a really good idea. Good ideas grab you. Good ideas kick the doors down in your head and your hearts. They refuse to go back to wherever it is that good ideas come from and set up shop in your life until you will actually do something with them.

When we share that idea with someone else, we expect them to get it, too. How could they not? It’s soooo GOOD! We tell them and then watch their face, expecting them to have the same reaction to the idea that we had. Surely, they will be just as over the moon as we are.

Only, they are not.

They aren’t that interested.

They don’t see what the big deal is.

They don’t get it.

You have a choice in that moment.

You can give up on the idea and pretend you never got it either. Maybe your friend is right. Maybe it’s not a good idea. Maybe if everyone else doesn’t get it right away you were wrong. Isn’t it easier to agree with the crowds instead of being lonely with only the new idea to keep you company?

That’s your first option, but fear not, you have a second one.

The second one is to double down on the idea. If good ideas are always lonely, then you just got confirmation. If everyone got the idea right away, maybe it’s because the idea has already been done a million times before. Maybe instant acceptance is just a sign that the idea is too familiar. Everyone understands vanilla ice cream at this point.

Every time I’ve shared a new idea about a book I’ve expected everyone to get it instantly. They never do. This can be discouraging or a confirming. I choose confirming.

I think you should, too.

P.S. We’re headed toward Christmas. What do you get for someone who already has everything? This.

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How to be nice in 7 words.

I know a few jerks who have made it pretty far in life. To pretend otherwise would be a lie. Jerks occasionally win. They make lots of money. They get famous. They accomplish lots and lots of things. They succeed in a million different ways, but, there’s a catch.

Jerks who win, only win temporarily.

The people around them are just biding their time. They’re waiting until they get brave enough to leave, have a slightly better option or life catches up with the jerk and they finally lose.

When any of the above three happens, people will abandon ship as fast as they can, because no one healthy likes a long-term journey with a jerk.

Being nice is a much better long-term plan. Not only does it allow you to build something really amazing with really amazing people, it feels a whole lot better, too. Being a jerk is always an experience that empties you out. It might gift you with outward success, but inwardly, being mean, cruel or dismissive to other people hollows you internally.

Nice works better.

So how you do you be nice?

I will give you 7 simple words that will completely change your ability to be nice.

Ready? Here they are:

“Pretend you live in a small town.”

When you live in a small town, you are not anonymous. People know you. Those people will see you again. You can’t burn bridges because small towns don’t have many. You might disagree with someone, but when you realize you’ll probably see them at the grocery store, the elementary school, church and the movie theater, you have greater incentive to be nice.

When you’re anonymous, it’s a whole lot easier to be a jerk. (See the Internet.) The worst of you can come out because you don’t think you’ll see those people again anyway. Who cares? Say the passive aggressive statement. Cut off the stranger. Climb over someone because they were just in the way.

Maybe right now you live in New York City and think this is the silliest idea you’ve ever heard. You don’t live in a small town. There are millions of people flowing through that city every day. Fair enough, but keep this in mind, every industry is a small town.

You will work with the same people again. You will see the same people again. You will run into the same people again.

I got a speaking engagement at a company recently that has 100,000 employees. It’s one of the most valuable companies in the world. The person who booked me said, “One of my coworkers worked with you 20 years ago. He’d love to say ‘hi’ when you’re in town.”

I shared an office with this person at the first real job I ever had in 1999. Did I think I would see him again? Did I think we’d both change cities and industries multiple times only to cross paths two decades later? Of course not. Thank goodness I wasn’t a jerk to him.

That’s not always been the case. I’ve burned some bridges. Some out of necessity, some out of immaturity and arrogance, a dangerous cocktail. I wish I’d been nice.

I think you’ll wish you had been, too.

Nice wins long term, for you and everyone around you.

Pretend you’re in a small town, because you are.

Every industry is smaller than you think.

Don’t be a jerk.

P.S. This is the nicest piece of paper you will ever see and you will love what it helps you do.

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I can’t stop thinking about this sentence.

My smartest friends don’t make a big production about the smart things they say.

Sometimes, you’ll see politicians deliver a line they’re excited about and then they’ll pause, waiting for the audience to clap. When it works, it can be a really powerful moment. When it doesn’t, you look silly, like a cat who is confused that no one else is thrilled about the dead mouse dropped on the doorstep as a gift. (If there are any cats reading this, I would love for you to kill the mice in the woods behind our house. I personally will clap.)

In real life though, without teleprompters and speech writers, there’s very little fanfare when a friend says something smart. You often don’t even know at the time that it’s going to be a sentence you think about for years. It’s funny what ideas we end up carrying around with us like souvenirs from conversations in the past.

I wasn’t planning to think about the sentence I’m about to share for as long as I have. When my friend said it, he said it in passing, with the intensity one might use to deliver information about the weather or a favorite football team. He just said it and yet, I can’t stop thinking about it. Here’s what he said:

“People don’t want advice, they want confirmation.”

That hit me so hard because it’s often true in my own life. It’s easier for me to find someone who I know believes the same thing I believe and will tell me what I want to hear. It’s easier to spin my story in a way that convinces a friend that I’m making the right decision. It’s easier to dismiss anything that doesn’t line up with what I already know I’m going to do.

The funny thing is that I can still look very teachable throughout this whole process. I’ll ask all the right questions. I’ll nod my head along to the things you’re saying. I’ll even take note. What a student of life I am! And then I’ll go ahead and do what I was going to do all along anyway.

What I’m learning though is that life is a lot better when you seek advice and not just confirmation. Life is a lot more fun when you let wise counsel actually speak into what you’re doing. Life is a lot more fulfilling when you expand your education beyond your limited experience and listen to others.

It’s not easy. Sometimes, the advice I receive is true but difficult. Sometimes it slows down a plan I was speeding ahead on. Sometimes it requires patience and discipline, two words that don’t come naturally to me. Sometimes I have to put my ego aside.

But, it’s worth it in the long run.

Seek advice, not just confirmation.

Jon

P.S. When people ask me how I plan my weeks, months and years, this is always what I share with them.

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I know three things.

I know three things:

1. Everybody overthinks.

2. Nobody thinks they can change that.

3. Everybody can.

What is overthinking?

When what you think gets in the way of what you want.

Overthinking isn’t a personality trait. It’s the sneakiest, greediest form of fear.

It’s sneaky because overthinking masquerades as being prepared.

It’s greedy because overthinking gobbles up time, creativity and energy.

Overthinking steals books, businesses, diets and hope.

It’s the most expensive thing people and companies invest in without ever knowing.

Have you ever judged an idea as too dumb to even write down? That’s overthinking.

Have you ever told yourself a story about why someone didn’t text back? That’s overthinking.

Has it ever felt like you have a “pocket jury” with you, cross examining each new adventure until you dare not chase it? That’s overthinking.

Overthinking is like Novocain for your dream.

Eleven years ago, it told me I wasn’t an author. I wrote that book anyway.

Six books later it still tries to tell me that, but I’ve learned a few things that have helped me along the way.

My next book is about overthinking.

I’m doing the research for it right now and wanted to share a few ideas I think you need to know.

If you’re tired of overthinking, sign up for the SeptemberJanuary Challenge.

It’s a 30-day goal-setting challenge for you, me and a few thousand people from around the world.

I’ll send you a PDF checklist, six different ideas and an invitation to a community of some of the most creative people you’ve ever met.

It’s free. It’s fun and overthinking will never see it coming.

Don’t overthink.

Just sign up.

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The 10-year question.

Last January, I went skiing with three friends to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. It was an amazing trip and one of my favorite mountains I’ve ever visited.

It didn’t hurt that Wyoming is home of the Walt Longmire books, the best mystery series I’ve read in years. It was my first time to the state and worth the trouble of getting there from Nashville. (Our flight was cancelled and we had to rent a car for the five hour drive over the snow covered Teton pass at midnight.)

One afternoon, while riding up in the gondola, we met a young woman who was on a ski adventure. She and her friends were driving between some of the best mountains in the West. They hit Alta, Snowbird, Big Sky and Jackson Hole. She was in her late 20s and seemed to be having the time of her life.

While talking to her, a thought hit me, “I wish I had been that in touch with the things I loved doing when I was 27.”

I didn’t have a whole lot of self-awareness when I was 27. I didn’t know what type of things I really liked and I certainly didn’t invest time or money in them. It’s taken me decades to figure out what I like doing. I never would have had the courage to organize a six-day ski trip through the west when I was in my 20s.

During moments like that, I usually feel discouraged. It’s like hearing how great compound interest is if you start investing when you are 18. That’s amazing information unless you’re 38 years old and then you feel like it’s way too late for you.

But this time, instead of thinking, “I wish I had gone on an adventure when I was 27,” I thought, “What would the 53-year-old me wish the 43-year-old me had done?”

Wishing you had done something when you were younger causes regret.

Wondering what the future you will wish you had done causes wonderment.

Ten years from now, what will the older you wish the younger you had done?

Is it a trip you’ve always wanted to go on?

Is it investing more in relationships?

Is it making a list of the skills you wish your parents had taught you and then deliberately teaching them to your own kids?

Is it finally writing that book?

Is it moving to Colorado? Or Montana? Or Manhattan?

Think you don’t have enough time?

Think again.

You’ve got ten years to accomplish it.

Don’t look back in regret.

Look forward in hope.

It makes life a whole lot more enjoyable.

P.S. Ask the 10-year question and then read this.

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The magical magnet you probably need, too.

My wife and I are teaching our oldest daughter how to drive.

It’s a stressful experience because the second you sit in the passenger seat while your kid drives you realize a few things:

1. These roads are so narrow!

2. Why don’t we have any street lights? This town is stupid dark!

3. People drive way too fast, why are they tailgating us?

I can’t fix the first two but believe me I’ve tried. I took L.E. on the widest, brightest roads I could find, but eventually you can only learn so much driving on the same streets.

The last problem though has been eliminated. How? We found something magical.

This magnet.

This magic is magical because it transforms jerks into nice people.

When you throw this on the back of your car, every jerk on the road suddenly backs up.

They’re more patient with your slow speed. They’re more forgiving that your turns are wonky. They’re more understanding that you’re just learning.

It’s given my daughter such a sense of confidence because now every jerk in town isn’t riding up on her bumper desperate for her to be an expert at something she’s barely done.

Imagine if you could feel that way about your own life?

There’s a great temptation to think you should be making better progress with your goals. There’s a sense of impatience when it comes to learning something new. We want results. We don’t like feeling like an amateur. We become the jerks who demand my daughter drive faster, except in this story, the only person we’re rushing is ourselves.

We beat ourselves up when it comes to learning new things. That’s a big part of the reason people hate change. When you have to change, you have to learn and learning can feel uncomfortable. We stumble. We take terribly slow turns. We accidentally run stop signs and make bad lane changes because we don’t know all the rules of the new thing.

And then we want to quit because who likes feeling like that?

What if instead, we could all put a magnet on our lives.

“Student writer.”

“Student runner.”

“Student business owner.”

“Student parent.”

The kinder we are to ourselves during a goal, the longer we’ll stick at it and the more successful we’ll be.

If you’re a parent and you’re teaching your kid to drive, grab this magnet.

If you’re anyone else with a goal, make up your own magnet and stick it somewhere you’ll see it every day.

We’re all students.

P.S. Want to know more about this principle? Read chapter one of my latest book, “Finish.”

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Don’t let anger steal your creativity.

Recently, a politician tweeted something foolish.

I saw the tweet, shrugged at it and then glanced at the amount of comments that single tweet had.

There were 112,000 responses.

That made me so sad because that meant tens of thousands of people spent their very limited creativity that day on an argument with a stranger.

Do you know what those comments changed? Nothing.

Do you know what they accomplished? Nothing.

Do you know what they moved forward? Nothing.

It was a toxic cyclone of strangers saying the most insane, vitriolic things at each other.

And that’s time and creativity and energy all of those people won’t get back.

I hope you get involved in the politics. I hope you march and raise money and change the community you live in as well as the world. I hope you and I do all of those things and many more.

But don’t let anger steal your creativity on Twitter, Facebook, or any other platform.

It’s such a waste.

Say a prayer for the books, songs, paintings, and photos we lose every day because people get lost in the responses to tweets from politicians.

P.S. Want to put all your creativity toward a goal you really care about? Read this.

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