Elyse Salpeter's Blog, page 24

It's the Little Things….

My first major 2012 challenge has been met. I went to my Tae Kwon Do tournament and survived! I spoke to so many people at the event who told me they wished they'd had the guts to compete, but they were just too scared. It made me realize there are so many aspects of our lives which are scary, but if we don't conquer our fears, we'll miss some of the most incredible experiences there are. For me, competing in this tournament meant getting up in front of a group of judges, being in front of hundreds of people in the stands and competing in forms and sparring against people with far more experience than I have. I may have placed 5th (out of 6 people) in forms, but guess what? I landed all my jumps, I remembered the entire thing, I did my best and I even got a "thanks for participating medal!" It's the little things. In sparring, I was up against a woman who I have sparred in my class – a black belt who is extremely good. I've never been able to land a punch on her in class, but guess what? I was able to hold my own in the ring and got some points and I'm super happy. I didn't win, but I did get this cool trophy! Again, it's the little things and I did it and I just may compete again one day.

So, what's in store that scares me next for 2012? Well, author discussions on my book. I have one coming up in my daughter's class in just two days and I'm supposed to talk about the editing process, how long and hard I had to work to get this book published, etc… they're going to have a Q&A and I've heard 10 year olds can be brutal, so I'm a little nervous. Then comes a much larger venue at the local library on February 29th. I do presentations and group meetings for my day job all the time, but when it's a personal effort, it's somehow tougher. But, I'm sure when it's done I'll be better for the experience.

I used to think "grand scale." My life would fit into compartments of success… we'd have a house, cars, the kids would be in this class, this sport, have these many friends, fit into this group, everyone excelling in everything. But reality is that life should be about the little things. For me, knowing my son had a great day at school, knowing my daughter stood up to a bully and feels great about herself, knowing I'm providing for my family the best way I know how. Adding all the little things up makes that "grand scale" map so much richer. Life might not be exactly how I pictured it would be, but it's our lives and we should relish each aspect of it. So, I've decided to live with the little things, one step at a time, one attempt at a time.

So please, tell my YOUR next step – I'd love to hear! 

 

Resolutions, martydom and sushi

We always talk about all the things we want to do when the New Year hits. All the goals we have. I can't tell you how many times I've already heard how much people "want to wash the last year away."  Life can be stressful and it can be taxing and yes, there are moments when we want to simply move forwards in time to erase the past. But that simply means we end up moving through life so quickly we don't have a chance to see the good "in the now." People always say, "when your kids are older you'll get more time to yourself." Or "when they mature, things will be easier." I never really wanted my kids to be older than they were at this very moment. I mean, yes, I'd love for life to be easier, I'd love for more personal time, I'd love the ability to write this blog without at least three people coming in to discuss things with me. Even with the door shut. Even with me saying, "can I have five minutes?" It just doesn't compute for folks around here.

But, there's good in that. The kids want to be with me and I do relish it. I have to remember I'm not going to get these moments back, so I must constantly remind myself there will be times I can't do my own personal goals. That doesn't mean I'm a martyr, but it does mean I made a choice. So I write when they're asleep, I take classes when it's very late in the day or early in the morning, I sit down on the floor and do a puzzle, play a game and simply listen to my kids when they want to discuss things with me, because I won't get that moment back. And I don't want to look back on life wishing I was given that one moment and blew it. But, I'm not perfect, so there are times I do blow it, but I try to apologize and teach my kids I'm still human.

It's sort of funny. After a trying day with the kids, it might be ten o'clock at night, my husband and I are wiped, he's on the television, I'm on the laptop and we'll be so stressed we'll start talking about ordering sushi. For some reason in my household, sushi has a way of making all the bad things go away.  Or, keeps them at bay for just a bit.

So I leave you all with a few thoughts. Do make personal goals for yourself. They are so important to your spiritual soul and well-being. These goals will help guide you and keep you growing as a person. Just make a bucket list, just a few simple, or not so simple, goals you want to achieve and even if you can't do all of them, try to take one off the list every now and again and you'll feel like you accomplished something. Number two, don't feel guilty for things beyond your control. You can only take responsibility for you and your immediate family and so do your best to keep yourself both mentally and physically healthy so you can take on whatever the world throws your way. And three, a few spicy tuna rolls, some ikura and salmon go a long way when you're stressed. Trust me, I know.

So, my bucket list for 2012: Finish writing a new YA novel, do an author signing for FLYING TO THE LIGHT, compete in a Tae Kwon Do tournament, start training for a marathon, make every recipe in a recipe book (ethnicity to be decided soon), and try to calm down more and enjoy life.  Oh, finish the puzzle on the floor of my daughter's room, clean the basement, paint the inside of the house, teach the kids how to ski, go on vacation…. the list goes on… I wouldn't be a Type "A" mom without my own bucket list a mile long.

Happy New Year, everyone – health, prosperity and most of all, happiness to you all!

Elyse

Let’s talk about fears…..

I thought I’d make 2012 all about “facing my fears.” But, then I realized I had to move that up two months to November, 2011. So many personal things happened to me in that month that I never thought would happen, and as a result, I could put those in my “facing my fears category.”

One of the most important ones was getting FLYING TO THE LIGHT published. While getting a book published is an arduous task and always a dream of mine, it’s the scrutiny of your friends, families and people you respect who are going to read your book. There’s this sense of “not wanting to appear a fool or disappoint” or simply to “write a good book that people will enjoy.” We all have self consciousnesses and for me, getting something out there that was good would prove to me and others that all this time, these past twenty years trying to get published, was not tom-foolery. It was a real dream and something that I think I could really do and hold my head up high doing it.

The next conquering fear was taking my 1st Dan Black belt test in tae kwon do. You’re excited and nervous and the idea of simply remembering all those forms and techniques and performing them in front of your instructors and fellow students is daunting. Again, you don’t want your fears to overtake you. You want to do well, to impress, to accomplish. I used to tell my fellow peer that “what is the worst thing that happens? I fall to the floor in a puddle of shame?” Seriously, if I messed up, well, then I would simply stand back up and try again.

I’m luckily mature enough to know it’s ok for me to try and fail at things, but it’s not ok for me to hide behind my fears because I’m scared. I don’t want to live my life with a “coulda, woulda, shoulda” scenario. How sad that there are people who won’t even do something as easy as eating sushi, or petting a dog or riding a horse – anything out of their norm, because they’re scared.  My own little guy won’t eat icecream because he’s scared of how cold it is. Icecream? One of life’s greatest inventions and he’s scared. I don’t want to live like that, ever and I don’t want him to either. So we work on our fears, every day, a little bit at a time.

So, I’ve decided (well, still deciding, but we know I’ll most likely do it), to actually sign up and compete in my first tae kwon do tournement at the end of January. I’m going to do this super cool form and spar. (yes, I said spar). Let me tell you, sparring is not my forte. The thirteen year olds can kick me right in the head and there’s not a darn thing I’ve yet been able to do to stop them. And now, I’ll be competing with other black belts who are all older than me and higher belts! But, I’m going to try. What’s the worst thing that happens? A few bruises? A broken nose? I come in dead last? But at least I did it, I showed my children, and myself, that no matter how old you are, you can accomplish anything… and maybe I’ll even surprise myself and place in something.

Some other things on my possible docket? Skydiving? Ziplining? Chocolate covered grasshoppers? Target practic? (it’s the gun itself that is supremely scary to me). How about riding a horse without fear? Jumping off a high diving board in the pool? Learning to do a back flip? Maybe running the marathon.

So, I implore everyone to try to pick something that they’ve never done, something that maybe they even feared a little and give it a go. Life is too short. We run around this world once, so don’t let things pass you by.

Let me know what you decide to do and just maybe I’ll jump along and try it out with you!

Let's talk about fears…..

I thought I'd make 2012 all about "facing my fears." But, then I realized I had to move that up two months to November, 2011. So many personal things happened to me in that month that I never thought would happen, and as a result, I could put those in my "facing my fears category."

One of the most important ones was getting FLYING TO THE LIGHT published. While getting a book published is an arduous task and always a dream of mine, it's the scrutiny of your friends, families and people you respect who are going to read your book. There's this sense of "not wanting to appear a fool or disappoint" or simply to "write a good book that people will enjoy." We all have self consciousnesses and for me, getting something out there that was good would prove to me and others that all this time, these past twenty years trying to get published, was not tom-foolery. It was a real dream and something that I think I could really do and hold my head up high doing it.

The next conquering fear was taking my 1st Dan Black belt test in tae kwon do. You're excited and nervous and the idea of simply remembering all those forms and techniques and performing them in front of your instructors and fellow students is daunting. Again, you don't want your fears to overtake you. You want to do well, to impress, to accomplish. I used to tell my fellow peer that "what is the worst thing that happens? I fall to the floor in a puddle of shame?" Seriously, if I messed up, well, then I would simply stand back up and try again.

I'm luckily mature enough to know it's ok for me to try and fail at things, but it's not ok for me to hide behind my fears because I'm scared. I don't want to live my life with a "coulda, woulda, shoulda" scenario. How sad that there are people who won't even do something as easy as eating sushi, or petting a dog or riding a horse – anything out of their norm, because they're scared.  My own little guy won't eat icecream because he's scared of how cold it is. Icecream? One of life's greatest inventions and he's scared. I don't want to live like that, ever and I don't want him to either. So we work on our fears, every day, a little bit at a time.

So, I've decided (well, still deciding, but we know I'll most likely do it), to actually sign up and compete in my first tae kwon do tournement at the end of January. I'm going to do this super cool form and spar. (yes, I said spar). Let me tell you, sparring is not my forte. The thirteen year olds can kick me right in the head and there's not a darn thing I've yet been able to do to stop them. And now, I'll be competing with other black belts who are all older than me and higher belts! But, I'm going to try. What's the worst thing that happens? A few bruises? A broken nose? I come in dead last? But at least I did it, I showed my children, and myself, that no matter how old you are, you can accomplish anything… and maybe I'll even surprise myself and place in something.

Some other things on my possible docket? Skydiving? Ziplining? Chocolate covered grasshoppers? Target practic? (it's the gun itself that is supremely scary to me). How about riding a horse without fear? Jumping off a high diving board in the pool? Learning to do a back flip? Maybe running the marathon.

So, I implore everyone to try to pick something that they've never done, something that maybe they even feared a little and give it a go. Life is too short. We run around this world once, so don't let things pass you by.

Let me know what you decide to do and just maybe I'll jump along and try it out with you!

Unique Heroes

Hi everyone,
You always wonder what makes a writer choose the topics they do for their novels. Is it based on personal experience or something that just came to them in a dream? For me, the topic and characters of FLYING TO THE LIGHT were a mix of a lot of things, such as the questions of "what actually happens to us when we die" and "is the world maybe a bit different than we think it is?" I wanted to choose a unique hero and chose Danny Anderson, a six year old deaf boy that knows the answer to these questions and having his naive, seventeen year old brother have to suddenly grow up and face challenges he never had to face before.

With its twists and turns I hope to keep everyone on their toes guessing at who the boys can trust and who they can't.

Enjoy!

Musings from a Type “A” Mom

I have been recently asked, “How do you do it all?” I have a hard time answering that question because when people refer to you as a Supermom, it’s hard to swallow. You try to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect worker, you try to also do personal goals, like writing, taking classes, doing things to keep you always on a tract of growing. But, at the end of the day, you realize you can’t be perfect at everything, so I try to take segments of my life and be perfect in those aspects.

For instance, when I’m writing, I want to give 100% of that time to writing and honing my craft. But that’s hard when you have kids and a husband also begging for your attention.

When you go work out, in my case taking Tae Kwon Do, you try to give it your all, ignoring the sheer exhaustion you feel from getting no sleep, working all day and having a nearly two hour commute home at times. Again, you strive for perfection, but it’s hard.

Being a perfect wife? Very difficult when you have so little actual time together and then to be that perfect mom, where the kids want every available second of your time? Very hard. Am I selfish if I take precious minutes away from my family to do personal agendas? It’s something I find myself questioning and debating with myself on a daily basis.

So, when someone calls me a Supermom, I always feel a little funny about it. Now, if I had wings and could really fly, well then I might just agree!

Musings from a Type "A" Mom

I have been recently asked, "How do you do it all?" I have a hard time answering that question because when people refer to you as a Supermom, it's hard to swallow. You try to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect worker, you try to also do personal goals, like writing, taking classes, doing things to keep you always on a tract of growing. But, at the end of the day, you realize you can't be perfect at everything, so I try to take segments of my life and be perfect in those aspects.

For instance, when I'm writing, I want to give 100% of that time to writing and honing my craft. But that's hard when you have kids and a husband also begging for your attention.

When you go work out, in my case taking Tae Kwon Do, you try to give it your all, ignoring the sheer exhaustion you feel from getting no sleep, working all day and having a nearly two hour commute home at times. Again, you strive for perfection, but it's hard.

Being a perfect wife? Very difficult when you have so little actual time together and then to be that perfect mom, where the kids want every available second of your time? Very hard. Am I selfish if I take precious minutes away from my family to do personal agendas? It's something I find myself questioning and debating with myself on a daily basis.

So, when someone calls me a Supermom, I always feel a little funny about it. Now, if I had wings and could really fly, well then I might just agree!

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