Mark Myers's Blog, page 25

A Duel with Naked Cowboy

“Those are some mighty fine chords,” I said, obviously not referring to his non-existent pants. He looked me up and down with disdain for my absolute lack of nakedness. In the cold, his skin reflected a certain bluish tint. I tried not to stare, because that’d be weird. Odd that a man dressed only in tidy-whitey’s […]

Snuggle Mommy

Rob Petrie had it made. He had the love and adoration of the beautiful Laura. He had a fine young son. He had a fulfilling job where he worked in a humorous family atmosphere and neighbors who were his closest friends. You know what else he had? A good night���s sleep! He got a good […]

Chasing Charlie’s Angels

Any guy my age was ushered into manhood by those three beautiful women also known as Charlie���s Angels. Whether you preferred the smart and sassy Kate Jackson, the elegance of Jaclyn Smith, or the sheer beauty of Farrah Fawcett, we all had a favorite. I was a Jaclyn Smith fan myself. Unfortunately, they never made […]

Get Wind of This

We filmed this PSA to raise funding and awareness for childhood cancer research in November. Now it has been woven into a compelling story with reactions in Times Square. Kylie gave us the mission to end childhood cancer and this is how we start. Please take a minute to watch this and share. Thank you.Filed […]

Magic Pish and Psychiatric Expenses

Has anyone ever lied to their kids? I don���t mean big ones, I mean little to medium sized lies that shouldn���t impair their ability to trust another human being down the road. I am not proud of it, but I have blurted things to my children and walked away wondering how many sessions on the […]

The Frailty of Fair

We���ve talked a great deal about the concept of fair of late. An odd word, fair. If you look it up in the dictionary you will find it has nearly��seven times as many definitions as��it has letters. The one that pertains to our conversation is: conforming with the established rules. Children all over the world […]

A New Kind of #NoFilter

I learn things about modern culture from the internet. Most of the time, I learn them just after they are pass�� to the younger generation. My kids laugh at me when I have a stunning revelation that has run its course and been discarded by them and all of their friends. I feel like I���m […]

How You Can Help When There is Nothing to Say

These final thoughts didn’t necessarily fit under what to say or what not to say, but I think there is some worthwhile information that might help you tangibly support a friend whose child has been diagnosed with cancer and possibly other long term illnesses. I present them in no specific order:   Every child going […]

What to Say When There is Nothing to Say

As a victim of a poor memory, I remember only flashes of our first weeks in the hospital. Visits, conversations, tears, rooms, tests, scans ��� they all run together in my cloudy mind. There is, however, one event��I recall with perfect clarity.

He texted to ask if it was okay if he stopped in on his way home from work. I wasn���t sure we needed a visitor, but Kylie agreed. Freshly diagnosed with Ewing���s Sarcoma, we were in the pediatric cancer wing where Kylie had begun her first round of chemo. By the time he arrived, our patient��was sleeping and I got up to greet him quietly. I remember he put his backpack against the wall and opened his arms to hug me.

��

I am not a hugger���

This is weird���

He���s here for Kylie, not me���

Do I hafta???�� Why????

I���m okay, I don���t need this���

Not a word was spoken and I promptly fell apart in his embrace. I cried like I had never cried in my life. He just held on for the ride.

* �� �� * �� �� *

 

What my friend Steve gave me that day was the very essence of what to say when there is nothing to say:

Love

 

Love is all there is. It can speak volumes without an audible syllable. It can be felt in a quiet room where words aren���t welcome. It might be simplistic, but love is all that can break through the hard shell of pain and fear after a parent has heard the dreadful phrase, ���your child has cancer.���

Let me say again, there are no magic words that instantly sooth, but here are some things that resonated with me when Kylie was first diagnosed:

1. An expression of regret ��� ���This really sucks��� (or ���stinks��� for the less crass. But I assure you, it does suck!)

2. A profession of love and friendship. How do you say that? Um��� ���I love you.��� For those uncomfortable with the ever-personal ���I���, you can always lean on the family crutch for support and say, ���We love you guys.���

3. Presence. ���I���m here.��� There are few positives in having a child with cancer, but one is that your calls rarely go to voicemail. Availability can be sensed. I knew very little in those traumatic first weeks, but I knew who was there for me, and I called on them when needed.

4. A promise of endurance. There is a long road ahead of the family. Like anything, many people with good intentions begin the fight full of fervor but life gets in the way. No judgments here, I get that. A promise such as, ���I am here today, tomorrow, and in six months,��� means a lot when given sincerely.

5. A specific offer of assistance. Sometimes, this isn���t even verbal. If you see a need, meet it.

We once came home to find a huge painted pot full of yellow flowers on our porch.
Sometimes our lawn just got mowed.
A woman who bakes incredible cookies would just stash dozens in our mailbox without a word.
Friends organized meal calendars, ballet rides, and school carpools for our other daughters.

This is the action side of love. Love does! Love molds unique talents into lavish gifts. Doing love doesn���t have to be grandiose or expensive and is often best when anonymous.

6. An assurance of prayer and/or positive thoughts. To know that my little girl was on the forefront of people���s minds was huge. Knowing that children included Kylie in their nightly bedtime prayers was humbling ��� especially when my prayers couldn���t get past a groan and balled fist.

 

 

Nobody knows what to say to the parents of a child diagnosed with cancer. We didn���t know what to say or what we wanted to hear ��� it was uncharted territory we���d rather not have explored. I assure you we were glad to not be travelling alone. If you have friends who find themselves on this heartbreaking��voyage, I would urge you not to be afraid to approach them. Just step out in love, the right words will come. You might start with a silent hug. Even the bristliest of us cancer parents could use a hug from time to time.

Filed under: Kylie

The End of Why

She came to me as I awoke this morning. We greeted many days together while the others slept, my morning flower and me. Kylie was my only early riser and a sweet little sunrise companion. She often invades my thoughts in that twilight of sleep when the mind isn���t quite sure if it is still at rest or engaged for the day ��� could reality be that the sickness was the dream and she is soon to beg me for a sip of coffee while we whisper to let the rest sleep?

No, it isn���t the case. I felt her clearly this Easter morn as I lay in a strange bed. Through the generosity of friends, we escaped the routine of the holiday where the egg hunts, chocolate bunnies, baskets, and church in frilly dresses leave too big a hole. Too hard. So here I sit on a porch overlooking a quiet lake as the sun rises��over the water. My coffee is mine, although I���d give anything for her to mooch it. Why���s as endless as the waves lapping the shore are my only company.

Why did you give her just to take her away?

Why would you let her suffer? Why not take her quietly in the night instead?

Why couldn���t we have had one more week to enjoy the trip she yearned for?

Why? Why? Why?

 

Why is a bottomless hole.

 

I am sure the disciples fell into that hole. As they scattered throughout the city afraid for their lives, it had to be their preeminent question. I wonder what their why���s were. I can guess. Why didn���t you fight? Why did you lead us on? Why did I leave my family and career for this? Why?

I have learned that God is not often inclined to answer the question why.

One day, when I get to heaven, I can���t wait to ask him. It���s the very first thing I���ll do���

But wait. Hold on. The why is in the way.

When I get to see Jesus face to face, it will be because of the very atoning sacrifice that we celebrate today. I will see him only because of the death and resurrection that drove those questioning disciples into hiding. When I see him, there will be a little girl with long brown hair and a perfect body holding his hand waiting to introduce me to him. In her other hand she might hold the most sumptuous cup of coffee that she’s been excited to share with me.

Why won���t matter.

Why will have died.

Why is but a temporary distraction.

Why stayed in the tomb.

 

Whatever your questions today, praise God that through his Son, why only matters a little while.

Filed under: Christianity, Kylie