Rachael Herron's Blog, page 17

Ep. 149: Adrienne Bell on Writing Hella Words in 2020

Adrienne Bell is the author of over a dozen action-packed romantic comedies. Her love of story structure led her to create Plot MD, a system for crafting compelling stories. She also is the co-host of the weekly podcast, The Misfit’s Guide to Writing Indie Romance, with Eliza Peake. Adrienne lives with her family on the far edge of the San Francisco Bay Area where she spends her downtime reading, watching nerdy television, and scrolling through Disneyland fan sites.

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Transcript

Rachael Herron: [00:00:00] Welcome to “How do you, Write?” I’m your host, Rachael Herron. On this podcast, I talk to authors about how they write, what their process is and how their lives fit together. I’ll keep each episode short so you can get back to writing.

[00:00:16] Well, hello writers! Welcome to episode number 149 of “How do you, Write?” I’m Rachel Herron. So thrilled that you’re here with me as I record, it is November 7th, which means its NaNoWriMo. Oh, we’ll talk about that. Uh, speaking of writing a lot of words today, my interview is with Adrienne Bell. She has been on the show before. She’s a friend of mine, and she’s so fabulous and so inspiring and believe it when I tell you that she is that inspiring in person.

So I am very grateful that Adrienne is on my team. She is doing something new for 2020 and you are invited to participate it. In it for free. I know I am. It’s going to help me write a lot of words, so definitely keep listening for that. As I stutter my way along, um, it is November. Let’s go back to that delicious fact.

Ooh, November, November, November. So it’s NaNoWriMo. I am writing a book. I am not editing or revising anything for anyone, which is what I’ve been doing so much off for the last few months. And as I talked to Jay about on the writers, well, my other podcast the other day, it just feels so good to be into the work.

I will tell you I’m behind. I am usually behind a NaNoWriMo. It is something that I am kind of proud of that. Then I normally, if I, if I win, if I’m actually trying to win and I win, I usually pull it off at the last moment. So, that’s definitely gonna happen this time too. But you’re welcome to buddy me over there. I’m Rachael Herron over there. I believe you can buy me and watch me, uh, continually be behind in my words, but it feels so good. I am just writing for fun today. This morning when I was doing my words, I was looking down and it was one of those moments again where I thought to myself, no one would believe how bad these are. My competitive spirit rises, and I think nobody can write this badly. There’s nobody. So I, I’m a little proud of how badly I’m writing. I have to remember every single time that this is my process, I write an obscenely ugly book. It is literally impossible to read, and later I fix it and that is my favorite part.

So that is where I get to shine. But instead of hating first drafts, I don’t do that anymore. I have chosen not to hate first drafts. I have chosen to love first drafts, and so far the first week of November, which is always the best week of NaNoWriMo, has gone wonderfully. Although I’m behind. Second and the third week are always a little bit iffy, you’re getting your muscles but your muscles are sore from writing so much and so little time. I know a lot of you listeners are doing NaNoWriMo. If you are, I would love it if you just tweeted me https://twitter.com/RachaelHerron or drop me an email to tell me how it’s going. Is it your first time? The first time nano? Ah, some beautiful magic, but I swear to you, Nano sparkle doesn’t go away. It just keeps sparkling. So that is what I’ve been doing and it’s fantastic. I love being back at my desk. I love being right here. I would like to say thanks on some new patreons over on https://www.patreon.com/rachael and I haven’t mentioned anybody.

This goes back more than months, so quite a list of names here to whom I am very, very, very grateful that you help keep me in the seat and keep doing this podcast. And even more importantly, keep writing those essays, which I love to write. The last one that came out was about a mattress. It was a story of a mattress and I’ve gotten really good response for it.

If you’d like to join, you can always go read all the essays over there, but thanks to Sam Rory, Kathleen Sullivan, Lisa A. Young, Judith A. Allison, Ivan H, it’s Shawnee Sen edited their pledge up. Thank you very much Shawnee. Jeff and Will, you know, Jeff and Will of the big gay fiction podcast and the big gay fiction writers podcast. I may have gotten the words wrong on the writers one, uh, but I’m soon to be on it, so I’m very pleased about that. They edited their pledge up also, and thank you boys. Let’s see, Lefty, darling Lefty Albay edited her pledge up and thank you to Corey Whitmore and Tammy L. Breitweiser. Hi Tammy!

Thank you. Thank you, all of you so much for helping to support me. Um, I will mention really briefly that the people who upped their pledge this month might’ve done it because I’m starting a new thing. I mentioned it last week, it’s going into effect next week, the mini podcast. I’m going to try to have a mini podcast every week or every other week where I answer people’s questions, who pledge at the $5 level and up.

Basically, I’m your mini coach. You can use me for as many questions as you want and I will answer them on the podcast. Yes. That means that everybody who listens gets the benefit of your questions. However, I will be answering you in particular and you can always ask me anything you want about the creative life, about writing, about depression, about anything that I like talking about, which is basically everything. You get to do that at the $5 level over at https://www.patreon.com/rachael. The reason I am doing that new level, and the reason I’d love you to support me at that level is that I stopped coaching and I’ve lost quite a bit of money from that. I really, really need to have that energy though to continue writing a lot of words in a couple of different projects that I’m working with. So I stopped the Patreon coaching, which pretty much cut my Patreon in half. So if you were moved to pop up to the $5 level, I’d love to be your mini coach and no matter what, you will get the podcasts and thank you to everyone supporting on patreon, it really means the world to me. 

So with no further ado, let us jump into the interview with Adrienne and her new project, which might be your new project, and which case will be in the same slack channel talking about that new project. So onward, happy Nano, happy November. Even if you’re not doing Nano, and I hope you get some fun writing done, I’ll talk to you soon.

Rachael Herron: [00:06:58] Well, I could not be more pleased today to welcome to the show, my friend Adrienne Bell. Hello Adrienne! 

Adrienne Bell: [00:07:05] Hello Rachael, how are you? 

Rachael Herron: [00:07:08] I’m so glad to see you. You’ve been on the show before. You are a friend of how do you write, and a very good friend of mine, so I’m thrilled to see you and you are doing something new and different that we’re going to be talking about because I think my listeners will be very interested in it. But first, let me remember to move the microphone closer to my mouth and give you an intro at the same time. So people all over the country are turning down their volume. Uh, Adrienne Bell is the author of over a dozen action packed romantic comedies. Her love of story structure led her to create plot MD, a system for creating compelling stories. She is also the cohost of the fabulous weekly podcast, the misfits guide to writing indie romance with Eliza Peak, which if you write romance, you should be listening to. Adrienne lives with her family on the far edge of the San Francisco Bay area where she spends her downtime reading, watching nerdy television and scrolling through Disneyland fan sites. Hello! 

Adrienne Bell: [00:08:06] Hello friend!

Rachael Herron: [00:08:08] You do so much plus you have two kids and all of this, and now you’re taking on this new creative endeavor. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:08:15] Yes! 

Rachael Herron: [00:08:16] Recently we were in, um, we were getting a burger together and you mentioned this idea and I, and the friends around us basically freaked the hell out. And will you please tell us about what you’re doing in 2020? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:08:31] Sure. So, uh, what I personally am doing in 2020 is, it is my year to write half a million words. 

Rachael Herron: [00:08:39] Damn. Can you tell us where that comes from? Where does this motivation come from?

Adrienne Bell: [00:08:44] Yeah. Okay, so this came from the fact that, my 2019 has not been a good year for me writing wise.

Rachael Herron: [00:08:54] And you are very prolific. So this is a little bit anomalous.

Adrienne Bell: [00:08:57] Yeah. It’s, uh, I’ve never been as prolific as I’ve wanted to be. Um, which, you know, will go into a little bit later. That’s part of the problem. Um, and I really just had a very bad writing year. I didn’t get as much done as I wanted to get done. Um, I stalled out in the middle of projects. I had a hard time getting things going and off the ground.

It seemed like I had a lot of energy, but that energy didn’t know where it wanted to go or end up where it was going to land. So, I’ve always been a big fan of halves. I don’t know why. I just, whole things scare me, but halves don’t. So I thought I can’t write a million words because I know that there are authors, the two that I’m going to write a million words this year, um, that was not doable to me. And in my mind, I knew that I could not achieve that. So I thought I will do a half a million words. And then I thought, there’s no way I’m going to be able to do this on my own. Right? I will do that thing that I did this year where I get going and I start, and then I sputter out. So I started thinking about how I wanted to do it and what I wanted to do with it. And one of the first things that came up, is that, the way things are sort of geared right now. When you start writing projects, there’s a lot of stuff out there for do it now, do it faster, get it done, have it out, and that wasn’t working with me. That was one of the things that just wasn’t working.

I could not – I could not sustain that for a long period of time. I could get about a week, maybe a week and a half in there of doing, you know, 4,000 words a day. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:10:55] And then it was just empty. Everything inside me was just empty and I would spend a week taking a week off. 

Rachael Herron: [00:11:03] Yeah. For me, I feel like when I do that kind of prolonged, crazy, headlong rush, this gate goes up on my brain and it says, no, the ideas are closed.

Adrienne Bell: [00:11:14] Yes!

Rachael Herron: [00:11:15] You must go rest or get a migraine. Like you. You ha- we’re not giving you any more ideas. You don’t have any. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:11:21] Yes, exactly. And I think we’re really geared right now as sort of a culture to get things done now. Get it faster. And if you’re not busy, then you’re somehow losing out 

Rachael Herron: [00:11:35] Yes

Adrienne Bell: [00:11:36] And you’re not doing it right. And you’re going to fall behind and you’re not winning, you know? So that led me to think in that way and trying to find resources for that sort of thinking. I was having a hard time finding them in the writing world, so I decided if I can’t find it, I might as well make it. Because I can’t be the only one. Right? 

Rachael Herron: [00:11:59] You are obviously not the only one. Yeah.

Adrienne Bell: [00:12:02] So I got this idea about, you know, the tortoise and the hare. Everything right now is very hare focused. It’s go, go, go till you crash. 

Rachael Herron: [00:12:12] If you don’t write a book every month, then you are, you might as well quit? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:12:16] Exactly. Yeah. 

Rachael Herron: [00:12:17] Yeah. That is the hare, that is a really skinny, stressed out, cracked out hare.

Adrienne Bell: [00:12:22] Exactly. So I decided that’s not what I want to focus on in 2020, I want to focus on taking that hare mindset that’s, you know, sort of been put on me and changing it into a tortoise mindset, which is incremental change that builds over a long period of time. So putting that with the 50, you know, the, I’m sorry, the half a million words. I’m stuck in Nano, I’m like 50,000 words 

Rachael Herron: [00:12:52] And to be – and to be honest, what you’re talking about is 10 Nanos over the course of a year. So that’s still sounds like a lot to me. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:13:00] Well, the thing is, that’s what I’m doing. 

Rachael Herron: [00:13:03] Right, right, right. Explain, explain more about this. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:13:07] So that’s where the seed came from. But when I was talking to you and our friend Shannon, and our friend Sophie about it, we started to think about other ways to put that, because there’s a lot of people out there that don’t want to write half a million words, and that’s totally fine. And so we came up with the concept of you know, it’s your year to write hella words.

Rachael Herron: [00:13:36] A lot of that! Hella is a word from the Bay from where we live. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:13:43] It is. And it’s incredibly malleable. You can use it to describe so many things. My hella is not your hella. Hella is usually upbeat. It’s usually very positive. It’s something that’s happening. It’s got a lot of energy in it, but it’s very malleable. You can use hella to mean whatever you want it to mean, and I can use it to mean whatever I want it to mean, because my situation as a professional writer, someone who, this is my day job, my days are going to look very different than someone who has to go work a nine to five and then come home.

Rachael Herron: [00:14:20] Yes

Adrienne Bell: [00:14:21] Or someone who works in retail and has odd hours and then has to come home and write

Rachael Herron: [00:14:25] um, Oh, sorry. I have students that have nine to fives and they’ve never written before, and to them, hella words in a year would be 25,000 and that would be amazing. Right?

Adrienne Bell: [00:14:35] Exactly. And it’s wonderful. So it’s taking the time that you have, making it a very realistic plan of what it is. What can you write? Can you write 500 words Monday through Friday and then a thousand words every weekend? If you do that, you come out with over 200,000 words in a year. 

Rachael Herron: [00:14:58] Wow. More than two bucks. More than three bucks. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:15:03] That is hella words. And so it’s this idea that it doesn’t have to be right the second right now, take all of your insides and pour them out. And if you’re not doing that, then you’re losing it. It’s taking this tortoise-like steps. It’s about showing up every day. It’s about learning to trust yourself. It’s about learning to be patient with yourself. It’s about learning to believe in yourself and your own value and your own worth, and that sort of what it’s morphed into. It’s become so much bigger than just this idea of half a million words, but that – through taking these little incremental steps, things build and they build, and then all of a sudden, what you have a few months in, or a few hundred thousand words, and you know, after that, at the end of the year, you can have, you can have half a million words. You can have 250,000 words. You can have 100,000 words. 

Rachael Herron: [00:16:01] What is this going to? What is your math look like for this, for you personally, Adrienne Bell, what are you going to write every day? Um, what is your word goal for this? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:16:11] I am going to write every day, but only for one year. 

Rachael Herron: [00:16:16] Alright. That sounds crazy. Number one, only for one year. I’m going to write every day that, uh, and the reason, the reason I react like this and you know this, is that I am incredibly diligent when I’m writing a first draft, but when I’m just kind of screwing around, trying things, I can go for days or weeks, and I’m not proud to say this, but I’m a full time writer and I won’t write first draft. I just, it nothing will come out of me. So the, the idea of writing every day is something I am so attracted, attracted to and I’ve never been able to pull it off. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:16:49] Yes. 

Rachael Herron: [00:16:49] So tell me how you are going to approach that and this, does this start January 1st? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:16:54] It does start January 1st but honestly, I started in October with practicing and I’m treating NaNoWriMo sort of as a bootcamp.

Rachael Herron: [00:17:04] I love that. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:17:06] Because the NaNoWriMo daily goal is larger than my daily goal will be for my hella words project. 

Rachael Herron: [00:17:14] What is your daily goal over that year? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:17:16] 1370 

Rachael Herron: [00:17:17] That sounds completely doable to me. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:17:19] Exactly 1370 a day. That’s all I have to do, so I’m not thinking of it as, you know, I will do 1370 every day for a year.

Rachael Herron: [00:17:30] Okay. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:17:31] It’s that I have to wake up on January 1st and do 1370. Then once I go to bed that night, I have to wake up on January 2nd and I have to do 1370. 

Rachael Herron: [00:17:39] It’s just, it’s like one day at a time 

Adrienne Bell: [00:17:42] It is. Just like one day at a time.

Rachael Herron: [00:17:44] I have never quit drinking. I have only quit drinking for today. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:17:48] Exactly.

Rachael Herron: [00:17:49] Because if I thought about doing it for the next year, I would stab myself in the eye. Yeah.

Adrienne Bell: [00:17:52] And that’s what happens to me on these big, get-it-done-all-at-once projects, it becomes too big. So I’m not looking at that. I’m looking at smaller chunks and just saying, I just have to do this much today. So, um, we’ve – there’s actually a slack channel that’s involved in this, and it’s come up a couple of times in the conversation, which is nice, which is, you know, you sort of have to know what kind of writer you are and you can use this prep time to figure it out. Because I’m very focused on just naturally on first drafts. I write sort of clean first drafts, but they take me a long time to write. 1370 will take me about three to three and half hours a day to write. 

Rachael Herron: [00:18:37] Okay. See, and I can do that in like 45 minutes. And it’s the ugliest-

Adrienne Bell: [00:18:42] Yeah

Rachael Herron: [00:18:43] Like there’s no sentence in there. There’s barely any periods. It’s just, you know, it takes a long time to, to fix later. So that’s really interesting. Everybody is going to vary.  

Adrienne Bell: [00:18:53] Exactly. So what is, what words are you going for? Are you going for clean words by the end of the year, or are you going for first draft words? Um, so for me, it’s, my words come at start out cleaner, but they take a long time. So my plan is to do my 1370 in the mornings and then do revisions on another project for a few hours at in the afternoon. And then there will be some time put aside for the marketing of my career. But then I also plan to be done by six o’clock and that is a big deal for me because I have not been able to strike that balance.

And so far in practicing, I’ve been able to do it. So I’ve been able to craft, which I haven’t been able to do for a long time. I’ve been able to read, you know, it’s little things like that, but that’s really what I wanted to get out of this with some sense of balance and I couldn’t get that with the frantic, do everything now, be everything to everyone. So switching to that turtle mindset that tortoise mindset has really helped. 

Rachael Herron: [00:19:58] Oh, this is so attractive to me. My problem when I’m writing on a really regular basis, like, you know, 1500 words a day or a thousand words a day or whatever, and keeping it going is that, every once in a while I have to stop and replot because my plot has gone completely off the rails.

You know, I started in New York and now I’m in Baja and I don’t know how I got there. Um, talk to me about your- your process for working on that because you are doing a little bit of pre-gaming on that too, right? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:20:30] I am. That’s why I’m starting now. I will be, I’m planning on writing a outline for everything is that I’m going to write in 2020 and I’m planning to have all of those outlines done by January 1st.

Rachael Herron: [00:20:45] Oh, that must feel really good.

Adrienne Bell: [00:20:50] I did see plans.

So, okay. I’m going to try to make that happen, and that means that when I wake up in the morning, I will know what I’m going to write that day. Huge. But it’s only 50 50 because just like you, I get there and it, it doesn’t quite work, but at least then I have a roadmap and hopefully that’ll help. But you know, I’m sure so many things are gonna go wrong and not to plan during this year, which is why I’m keeping a blog about it. And we’ll see what happens and what pitfalls happen along the way. And hopefully, you know, I believe in honesty in this sort of stuff because we’re all in this together and sugarcoating it does no one any good.

Rachael Herron: [00:21:36] So will you allow yourself in your roles to right words in advance or to catch up on words if you miss them, or do you just. Like, pick up clean and say, all right, 1300 more words today, or…

Adrienne Bell: [00:21:51] No, for me it’s going to be 1370 every day. Um, and I, it’s fine. If anybody else how anyone else structures their year is, is fine. What I really want people is to be strategic and to think about their own needs instead of someone else’s needs.

That’s- It’s weird, but that really what makes me happy when people, um, really figure out what they need for themselves and start to put down their flag for that. For me, it’s about learning to show up.

Um, a lot. I think I’ve missed out on a lot of things in life because I haven’t shown up for them. And to me, this is about showing up every day. So one of the things that I’m going to do is on January 1st I’m putting a pushpin in my wall. And a paper clip and every single day when I finished my 1370 I will put another paper clip on the chain and my entire job for all of 2020 my only job is to never break that chain. That’s my one job.

Rachael Herron: [00:23:00] That makes me kind of want to cry, like that’s so beautiful. It really, it really does. And I’m very moved by you saying this about showing up because I have, I’m really good at not showing up. I’m, yeah, I’m excellent at it. I love to take weekends off. Um, that is one of the things that I’ve always put a flag in as a full time writer, I take weekends off. However,

Adrienne Bell: [00:23:20] Yeah, and that’s fine.

Rachael Herron: [00:23:21] It’s fine, and I believe that. I love that. However, it makes me very capable on a random Tuesday when there’s just a lot of stuff coming into my email to say, Oh, this is another day I don’t write. And the next Thursday, Oh, this is another day I don’t write. And I’m very attracted and scared of, but still attracted by this idea of copying you and not, not necessarily in terms of words

Adrienne Bell: [00:23:44] Yeah, no.

Rachael Herron: [00:23:44] I haven’t done my math or something like that, but to try to write every day, even if my goal was to write a certain number of words five days a week. But to also write some words on the weekend, even if it’s just 50 words, because I really feel like not showing up to something that hurts me in my regular life and not nobody else. I’m always speaking about me. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:24:05] And that’s a hard thing for, let’s face it, women and especially women in the arts to do. Because when we say we don’t show up, what we’re saying is we don’t show up for ourselves. 

Rachael Herron: [00:24:15] Yes

Adrienne Bell: [00:24:16] We show up for everybody else. 

Rachael Herron: [00:24:17] Absolutely. I always show up for everybody else. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:24:19] Exactly. I will show up for everyone else and that’s where my writing time was going. Um. Of course there are things in my life that I, I will always show up for other people. I have a family. I have children. I will always show up for my family. I will always show up for my children. But one thing that I can do to teach my children their own words is to say when you want to create something, if you want to make something, you have to believe in it and you have to carve out the time believing in that you have to believe in yourself. And you have to show your kids that you can do that. 

Rachael Herron: [00:25:57] Yeah

Adrienne Bell: [00:25:59] You know? And that there are things that are important and that what’s inside of them is important. And the only way you can do that is by showing them that what’s inside of you personally as a parent is important.

Rachael Herron: [00:25:08] That’s gorgeous. And I, I don’t have kids, so I don’t have that, but I just kind of extrapolated it to a much less, um, romantic or poetic idea that if somebody, you know, like an old boss of mine, if it was in my job description to write 1300 words a day, I wouldn’t even think about it. It would just, it would happen every single day without fail, and I would not resent it. I have not dread it. I just, that’s just part of my day. I brush my teeth because it’s required in society and in my mouth. It doesn’t, I don’t resent it. So I might just kind of trying to change my thinking around this. Oh, this is why I wanted to talk to you about it. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:25:49] They’re big ideas and- but there, they’re not sexy. Like you can’t, it’s, it’s hard to be like, you know

Rachael Herron: [00:25:54] I find them sexy, 

Adrienne Bell: [00:25:56] incremental, and sustainable growth. When do we want it? Over a period of months and years! You know, it’s- 

Rachael Herron: [00:26:04] I would be in that rally.

Adrienne Bell: [00:26:06] It’s hard to rally around, but I think in the long term it’s sustainable. 

Rachael Herron: [00:26:11] So talk to me about the Slack channel because I only just joined, so I haven’t actually had too much time to poke around in there. Is that going to be, and so I, first of all. Um, people know from listening to my podcast, but I’m a huge fan of Slack channels. It’s kind of taking over the space where Facebook groups used to be, and I just hate Facebook as a concept and I don’t go there enough even if I, yeah, I have a Facebook group over there and I’m completely abandoned them for the sake of the Slack channel.

Um, so what have you found with the Slack channel? What do you like about it? What’s, what’s working? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:26:42] What’s nice is we have a, uh, a fun group of people that are over there now. So what you do is you go to the website, which is right, hellawords.com, and there’s, there’s a button there that says join Slack channel. And, all you have to do is tell me a little bit about yourself, not, not crazy, just enough so that, we make sure that the channel stays for writers. 

Rachael Herron: [00:27:08] Not spambots.

Adrienne Bell: [00:27:09] Yeah, exactly. Um, and then once you’re in the Slack channel, it’s a lot of people that are talking about, what they’re writing today, what their word camp goals are, how they’re prepping. Um, there are different channels on their different threads for if you need encouragement, if you want to celebrate your successes. Different ones for plotters and for pancers. The only rules that I have are very simple there; Don’t be a jerk. Um, 

Rachael Herron: [00:27:42] I love that rule box that you had in there. And, and tell us what you compared yourself to.

Adrienne Bell: [00:27:47] Oh, uh, yeah. I’m the yard duty of this playground, so I don’t want to have to blow my whistle. So just don’t make me blow my whistle. 

Rachael Herron: [00:27:58] I do not F with the yard duty woman. No, I never did. I never will. If she tells me what to do, I will do it. And I love that. But what you’re doing in that too is you’re presenting a safe space. People know the rules; they know that you’re going to protect them if anything pops up. But honestly, in all of my writing groups, knock wood, have never had a problem with jerks in there. And I predicted that you will not either, but, but you have those rules in place.

Adrienne Bell: [00:28:21] Exactly. Just don’t, just don’t be a jerk. And if you can be not a jerk, then you’re welcome to play on our playground and figure out if this is for you and how you know to make best and productive use of your 2020 

Rachael Herron: [00:28:38] Do you think that people will come in and use the Slack channel? Every day is like an accountability thing. Like I did my words. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:28:44] Some people have. Some people have, and some people have only poked their heads in a few times. It’s exactly what’s nice is it’s an ever changing thing, so it can be whatever you want it to be. Um, and people are using it to their needs and they’re adapting it just like they’re adapting their word counts. And so that’s the part that I’ve really enjoyed about it, is that people are going there and they’re not afraid to say, this is what I need from this. Um, and then those that can give it are giving it. 

Rachael Herron: [00:29:15] And it’s just starting, like, we are recording this in November. Uh, if listener, so say, say this, if listeners want to practice during Nano, but they didn’t even sign up for Nano, they can still jump on board, right? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:29:27] Of course, you can jump on and onboard and anytime. Let’s say you find this video and it is March of 2020 and you’re a brand new onto this idea and you’re like, Hey, did I miss the terrain? No, you’re fine. Jump on board at any time. Um, these are just random goalposts. You are the one that’s in charge. You can make it start and stop whenever you want to get off. 

Rachael Herron: [00:29:52] What I really love about this is the whole idea of us showing up for ourselves. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:30:04] Yeah. 

Rachael Herron: [00:30:05] That’s just seeing it like that is so inspiring to me. You know? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:30:06] Yeah. And a little scary. I will admit, I’m still practicing saying that to myself. I’m like, I am doing these words, not because I have to, but because I want to because this is who I am, and that’s really hard to say. Even after what, 10 years of- of writing. Yeah. It’s very difficult. 

Rachael Herron: [00:30:27] That is fascinating. Okay. So, um, I am on board to write hella words. Uh, let’s tell people again where we can go, write hellawords.com is where it all kicks off, right? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:30:36] Exactly. And into write hellawords.com, and you can read more about it and you can join the Slack channel thing here. 

Rachael Herron: [00:30:42] And is that where the blog is also? 

Adrienne Bell: [00:30:44] That is where the blog is and where all updates will happen. 

Rachael Herron: [00:30:49] Can I make a suggestion already?

Adrienne Bell: [00:30:51] Of course you can.

Rachael Herron: [00:30:52] ‘Cause I will, I will never remember to go to a blog ever, ever, ever. But I go, I look at Slack every day, all day, basically. And maybe you could do a blog channel and double post them over on the site to grab people and also in Slack so we can read them in there. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:31:06] Oh yeah, 

Rachael Herron: [00:31:08] I know right, Rachael did not ask for your advice 

Adrienne Bell: [00:31:13] We will be giving notifications in there, but I haven’t been

Rachael Herron: [00:31:15] Oh, notifications work too. Notifications work too so I can always click over, because what I really want to do is to follow your process as well and follow what’s in your head, and I knew we’re friends, we’re going to hang out and you’re going to tell me about it, but I also just kind of want to see how you’re doing this. I find you always so inspiring and in this really, really, really inspiring. And I appreciate it because I feel like this is something that I have really needed for myself. And you’re providing a container for that. 

Adrienne Bell: [00:31:43] Thank you so much for giving me the space to tell other people about it. 

Rachael Herron: [00:31:46] Yes. So please, listeners, come on over introduce yourselves, and um, let’s play. Let’s do this. Let’s make 2020. Very surprisingly awesome.

Adrienne Bell: [00:31:56]. Yes, exactly.

Rachael Herron: [00:31:57] Thanks Adrianne. Thank you so much. We will be talking soon. Bye! 

Adrienne Bell: [00:32:03] Bye!

Rachael Herron: [00:32:05] Thanks so much for joining me on this episode of “How do you, Write?” You can reach me on Twitter https://twitter.com/RachaelHerronor at my website, rachaelherron.com, you can also support me on Patreon and get essays on living your creative life.

For as little as a buck an essay at https://www.patreon.com/rachael spelled R, A, C, H, A, E L and do sign up for my free weekly newsletter of encouragement to writers http://rachaelherron.com/write/. Now, go to your desk and create your own process. Get to writing my friends.

The post Ep. 149: Adrienne Bell on Writing Hella Words in 2020 appeared first on R. H. HERRON.

Ep. 148: Rachael on Making Changes

Rachael goes on vacation and talks about some big, new decisions. She’s stopping an income stream, and trying some others. Listen in!

Rachael: [00:00:00] Welcome to “How do you, Write?” I’m your host, Rachael Herron. On this podcast, I talk to authors about how they write, what their process is and how their lives fit together. I’ll keep each episode short so you can get back to writing. 

[00:00:15] Well, hello writers! Welcome to episode number 148 of “How do you, Write?”



[00:00:21] I am Rachael Herron and I am so pleased that you’re back here with me after I took a few weeks off to be on vacation. It is, today it is October 31st and you know what that means? It means that tomorrow is the start of the best time of the year. And yes, I’m talking about NaNoWriMo my friends. You know how I feel about NaNo… 



[00:00:46] Hello cat. This cat is going to complain the whole time, so I’m just going to pretend like he’s not here. He’s kind of a whiner. Um, I have a lot to tell you so this is just going to be a solo show. Probably will be a pretty quick one, but I wanted to catch you up on what has been going on around here. I was away and boy was I ever away.



[00:01:09] I was away, away. I, we went to Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Antelope Canyon, Zion, and then to Vegas. It was about 10 or 11 days, and the majority of that time was spent offline. I could not go online if I wanted to. So when you can’t go online, you stay offline. And I read so much, I did not respond to email.



[00:01:39] My email was a nightmare. It was a garbage can fire when I got back. It was incredible. But I have fought my way through that and I’ve come up on the other side, still breathing. I’m still alive. And, I just realized that I needed a break. I didn’t know that I had needed that much of a break, but I really, really did.



[00:02:00] And it was so enjoyable. So, the quickly we get there, we find a Phoenix, we drive up and we get to the Grand Canyon after dark. And neither my wife and I have ever seen the Grand Canyon, even though I was born in Arizona. Uh, so we just go to the hotel, we go to sleep. But we get up very early, we barely missed any sunsets or any sunrises.



[00:02:24] We tried to view them all wherever we were. So we got up heck early and drove ourselves over to a place in the Canyon, took the shuttle bus to a place I’d researched, had a good sunrise, and we set ourselves up on the cliff just to watch it happen. And it was incredible. That’s where we met the Grand Canyon.



[00:02:45] The sun came up and I was telling Jay about this on my other podcast, the writer as well, and every time we thought the sun rise was over, he got better and it got bigger and grander. We went on this wonderful fossil hike with a ranger, and he kept saying, “Here at the grandest of canyons…” and I really do believe that is the grandest of canyons.



[00:03:12] It is like nothing I’ve ever seen. It did not disappoint. I was kind of a little bit worried it would disappoint because I’ve heard about it my entire life, and it’s just gonna be a big hole in the ground, but to be looking down at rock, and I say looking, because we’ve not climb all the way down there. But to be looking down at that black rock, which is 1.8 million years old and it is exposed to air. It has been there since then. The top layers of the Grand Canyon don’t have any fossils of dinosaurs because the top layer has been worn away. Right. The fossils that we saw were pre-dinosaurs.



[00:03:52] Oh, it just boggles the mind. And I feel like I look at geology and I look at the Hills around here. I look at everything so differently now that I’ve seen basically this cross cut of what’s happening in there and what has happened in the timeline of this earth. And it made me feel very small, very insignificant, and also very lucky to be living in a time right now where as a woman, I can choose to make my own money. I can choose to marry another woman. I can choose to use the money that we make to go to the Grand Canyon and spend time there on our vacation. And I just felt very, very, very grateful. Then we went to Bryce, which was so cold. We had gone from 92 degrees when we landed in Arizona. Um, it was beautiful at Grand Canyon, 70, 75 and then it was 22 degrees with a windchill in Bryce.



[00:04:47] So we greeted that sunrise with abject terror. We’re on the face of this cliff trying to look down into the hoodoos at Bryce and the wind was so intense and in my head I knew we were fine. It was just cold. We were wearing all of our layers. We were still called. We don’t have jackets. We’re from California.



[00:05:08] But my body, the looser brain said, you are going to die. There were children sobbing out on that platform where we were. Their parents wanted them to see the sunrise, but they’re like, “Please Daddy, no more I can’t take it.” It was pretty funny, but Bryce was beautiful. And then we went to, I guess before that, we went to Antelope Canyon, which are all of those red rock scenes, the that you see the sculpted rock walls that have happened in these slot canyons as millions of years of flooding water has gone through them and has created these incredible shapes.



[00:05:49] It was literally impossible to take a bad picture in there. You see these pictures of the slot canyons and you think, Oh, those are; What amazing photographers they are when they take those pictures. You do not have to be, you just have to point your camera in any direction and take a picture. In fact, Lala took a bunch of pictures like that just by holding it up and pointing and shooting, and she couldn’t tell which ones they weren’t later.



[00:06:10] It’s that incredible and that beautiful. It was stunning. I am so glad that we took the time to do that. Then we went to Zion, which was rad because number one, it is incredibly beautiful and the leaves were turning and the hiking was amazing, but we also glamp it up. We did a little bit of glamping in these, uh, these tent cabins that were big, and they had this enormous California king bed that was huge and high and fluffy and downy comforters and wonderful pillows and a wood stove that you got to start yourself. They will give you all the stuff to start it. And I tell you what, a woodstove? Boom! That tent is hot. It goes from, you know from freezing, literally freezing to hot instantly.



[00:07:05] And it was pretty fun. It was my job to feed the fire, and that was awesome. Um, both nights that we stayed there, I did not quite manage to beat it all night and we woke up freezing, but soon I got another fire started and that was very fun to be there. And they have, you know, a restaurant there and you’re eating outside and you’re watching the rocks change in the sunset.



[00:07:28] Then we went to Vegas and saw Lady Gaga. And Vegas was Vegas. Vegas is exactly what it is. No more, no less. Um, it would be very hard for it to be any less. Actually, it’s Vegas. But the wonderful thing that happened was Jay had, Joanna had heard that I was going to Vegas. Joanna Penn, who, uh, has the amazing podcasts, The Creative Pen, which is just one of my favorite podcasts on earth. I never miss it. If you are not listening to the creative pen in your writer, you should listen to it. She had reached out to Jay to say, is it okay if you give me her phone number because I’m going to be in Vegas too. She’s from Britain.



[00:08:06] She lives in Bach, but we happen to be in Vegas at the same time. So we grabbed a breakfast together and we had to talk all things writing plus all things life related, and we’d never met in person, and it was just such a great breakfast. It was this obscene Las Vegas breakfast with so much food.



[00:08:25] She was sensible and got a sensible breakfast, Lala and I did the Vegas thing, and we never even touched our leftovers. I had been eating and eating and eating, and then we got a box to go and it still looked like I had not started eating my- the plate of my food, yet. It was that kind of breakfast.



[00:08:40] Uh, but again, I was just struck with this gratitude of being able to hook up with a friend and make that friend in real life. It was so joyful. It was also a little bit stressful for me to be in Vegas. This is my first time in Vegas since I quit drinking 20 months ago. And, um, yeah, there are some people doing some stupid alcohol things there.



[00:09:03] But at other times that alcohol, really good. So I was cool. I made it. I’m home. I was very grateful to be home because I had been missing writing so much. That was the best part of being away, was really realizing how much I was missing writing. And tomorrow’s NaNoWriMo. It starts, and this year.



[00:09:32] Barring unforeseen things to happen in my publishing world, I will be writing a full novel in the month of November. I am aiming for about 80 to 85,000 words. I think on this first draft of this book that I’m very, very excited to write and I will give you its high concept pitch. Uh, basically a woman who is like Marie Kondo but is not Marie Kondo. Marie Kondo wants her stuff back there. That’s the pitch. It makes me laugh every time she regrets minimalism. Um, so that’s what I’m going to be writing and I’m just going to be having a lark doing it while I was gone. And this is what I wanted to talk about really to you today is, I just had this mindset shift.



[00:10:13] I came back knowing that the way that I run my writing business is great. It works for me. Uh, you know, I always catch you up on the money that I make the beginning of the year. I will just say, and I tell you how I make it in that first episode of the year, um, but I will just say two weeks ago before we left, I hit six figures in mid-October.



[00:10:38] So I’m going to be making more than that, more than I made last year, which was the, you know, six figures in just a little bit. Uh, but I hit that I’ve already hit and surpassed that for this year, which is incredible. Considering that, um, a great deal of my money’s, most of my money’s come from coaching, teaching, writing articles, doing all of those things that does not come from selling books. Because that is hard to make money on and it would be interesting to find out how much I made this year on books. I wonder if it’ll be lower or higher. I’m guessing right now it’s going to be a little bit lower than last year because I only put out one book this year, so we’ll see. Well, I’ll catch you up on that, but I came back with the willingness and the peace of mind after being offline and not thinking about work for so long, but I was really willing to think about work from a higher level and I want more time to write.



[00:11:37] I want to try to make some more money. With books and a little bit less with teaching and coaching, which is terrifying because I don’t know if I can do it, but I will not find out if I can do it until I make some space for that. Right now, all of my afternoons pretty much are just stacked back to back to back to back with clients, which is a great problem to have.



[00:12:00] I am not complaining about it. This is a diamond problem. Dab dimes on the soles of your shoes, as Paul Simon would say. And I am giving up a couple of things. I’m going to give up my Patrion high level coaching, uh, at $100 for my Patrion campaign. In the past, you’ve been able to get, words read by me and critiqued, edited, and a chat every month to go over those words and just to talk about where you are. I came back and canceled that and I had 10 people on that level. So I am basically rejecting a $1,000 a month, which- I live in the Bay area, we have a huge mortgage. Um, Oh, the cat was tangled in my dress. Goodness. Uh, and that’s terrifying to me that I just did that. And when I did it, it felt right.



[00:12:55] I don’t know how I’m gonna make that money up. I’m going to try different kinds of things moving forward. Uh, things that will impact my own work less. I will still be taking clients on one off basis. If you ever want me to look at your work or to talk to you about your stuff, you can always go to rachaelherron.com/coach all my options are there, but I’m charging a little bit more and I’m only doing one offs. I’m not doing them on a monthly basis. When you do them on a monthly basis, people feel like they have to meet with you on a monthly basis. Now I can meet with them whenever they need me, which is probably going to be more like every six weeks or every 12 weeks at the point at which they panic and say, “Oh God, I need help!” They’ll make an appointment. I’ll have more time. So I’m happy about that. I am doing something new of my Patreon campaign, which I’m just going to tell you about right now. I’m adding at the $5 tier. If you pay $5 a month, you get to be part of my Q&A audience, and what that means is I’m going to be trying to bring to you, short mini podcasts in the middle of the week answering those questions that come from my $5 Q&A Patreons. Basically, it’s mini coaching. You can ask me whatever you want, as many questions as you want, whenever you want, and I’ll answer them in the mini podcast episode. So if you wanted to support me like that, I’d sure be grateful as a https://www.patreon.com/rachael R, A, C, H, A, E, L and hopefully I’ll get some people like that and then we’ll get some more podcasts too.



[00:14:23] We’ll get these mini episodes, which I think will be really fun. They will not replace the interview episodes, the longer ones, uh, but they will be in addition to, and they will deal exactly with what I want to talk about more, which is craft, which is the business. I talk a lot at interview, uh, interviewees about process, but that means we do not talk that often about craft and about the business of writing.



[00:14:48] So please, if you’d like to throw as many questions at me as you want, anytime, hoover there, and join that, it’s felt really good to have this mindset. It also feels scary, but I do think that if you’re not scared in your business, then you’re probably doing it wrong. Honestly, there’s always has to be a cutting edge of fear, right?



[00:15:10] I can’t be lax or, well, I would like to relax and I did relax. That was great. I could take some more of that. Um, but it feels good to be making these decisions to write more, to spend more of my time doing the thing that is most important to me. That makes my heart sing. Which is writing. It’s always been writing and it always will be writing and reading.



[00:15:33] Oh my gosh. I got so much reading done on my trip and I still have like eight library books on my Kindle. I cannot turn my Kindle on because it’s in airplane mode. If I turn my Kindle on to the wifi, all those books will be stripped off, so I’ve got to read a lot of books in the next couple of weeks.



[00:15:51] One more thing that I wanted to tell you about, is I’m just putting the finishing touches on my spring retreat. I usually go to Venice, and I think I shared with you guys a while back that I’m just not feeling Venice. I love Venice is the city of my harness, my favorite place in the world to be. And I’ve been there every year for the past three or four years, which is incredible and so lucky! And amazing, but I need a little bit of a break. Maybe so that I would say so that Venice could miss me, but I know that, that it says not give a rat’s ass about me so that I can miss Venice perhaps.



[00:16:26] Ooh, that sounds delicious. So this year I’m going to do Barcelona, putting the finishing touches on that. I got the hotel that I wanted, that I scoped out when I was there. It’s in the best part of town. It is the best hotel. It is gorgeous. Oh, I’m so excited about it and those dates. Um, so if you want to put a 10 definitely on your calendar are going to be April 26th through May 2nd it’s a weeklong retreat.



[00:16:47] I’ll tell you more about it when everything is up, when you can register for it, but I just wanted to put it on your radar. I’ll probably be announcing the opening of it next week on my podcast. So those slots go very, very fast. Um, my, your portraits always sell out. So if you are interested in that, in doing that, it is really one of the best times I have all year.



[00:17:09] And the people who do them go on them over and over again. So they’re obviously getting something out of them too. We write in the mornings, and then we play and explore in the city in the afternoon and evening. So, and I set all of that step up for you, so you just have to attend. That is what I’m working on right now.



[00:17:27] I feel like I’m working on nine other things that I am forgetting to tell you about, but what I’m really excited about most is starting NaNoWriMo tomorrow. NaNoWriMo in 2006 was the online LARC that I participated in, that changed my life completely, absolutely, completely. It taught me how to write a book fast and badly so that later I could revise it and you know how I feel about it.



[00:17:53] I believe 99% of writers, that is their process to write it fast and badly. If you write and you revise as you go and you’re finishing good books, then that’s your system. If you write and revise as you go and you’re not finishing good books, then that’s not your system. Your system is actually like most of the rest of ours, which is to go as fast as you possibly can, which is the NaNoWriMo way.



[00:18:14] I actually got a really great chance to speak to Chris Beatty’s class last night at Stanford. He teaches, he’s the founder of NaNoWriMo, and he teaches a class every year at Stanford and the same program I teach in. On NaNoWriMo, and he has a 100% success rate with his students. Every single student that he’s ever had in that class has won NaNoWriMo.



[00:18:37] So, which I think is really remarkable because I think honestly, it’s only something like seven or 8% maybe 12% it’s, it’s low of the rest of the world who finishes NaNoWriMo, who are into NaNoWriMo. But, um, that was really fun. And it got my – excite levels are so, so high. I cannot wait. So if you’re doing NaNoWriMo, I would love to hear about it.



[00:19:01] Drop me a line, at anywhere. Twitter, Facebook, Email. You can find me on rachael@rachaelherron.com. Um, reach out. Tell me how you’re doing. Tell me what you want to do. Tell me if you’re interested in Barcelona. Sign up for the new $5 Patreon Q&A. If I don’t get anybody on there, then I won’t do those little mini episodes.



[00:19:21] That’s just dependent on whether people drive that by wanting those mini episodes on craft of business. So, um, I’ll wait and see how that pans out. And in the meantime, I’m jumping, taking the leap into letting go of a lot of my coaching and leaping into more writing. Ah, I’m scared to saying it, but I am completely excited.



[00:19:43] I’m completely excited. It feels, I feel genuine. Um, I had a day yesterday that just, it happened to be a full day of writing. I didn’t have anything scheduled and it felt like me, I love coaching. Don’t get me wrong. That is, I get so much energy out of coaching and talking to writers. But I need those sometimes days that are just writing and I don’t have any of them right now.



[00:20:06] So this is going to be amazing and exciting. Tell me what you think. And in the meantime, I wish you happy writing. If you have never done NaNoWriMo, and you’re listening to this on November 7th that there is still time, there are people who write 50,000 words on the last day, those people write 24 hours a day and they are crazy.



[00:20:25] I would not recommend that. That’s going to break your hand. There are also people who write 50,000 words. On the first day also insane. Then there are other fools who write 500,000 words in the month of November. We don’t like them, who we like a good hard challenge, which is NaNoWriMo, which is 50,000 words in the month of November.



[00:20:44] If I forgot to say that, if you don’t know what that is, which ends up to be 1,667 words a day, absolutely doable. Absolutely doable. So, yeah, I’ve never tried it. It’s super, super fun. Let me know. I am, I think I’m just Rachel here and over there, so please buddy me, make buddies with me and we will watch each other’s progress.



[00:21:07] That is all my friends. It is so nice to connect again, thank you so much for listening, for being along with me on this ride. I am very, very – I’m feeling grateful about everything, especially you guys. You listeners, who reach out and also the listeners, who don’t reach out. All the listeners that I know I have because I see the numbers that are writing in their card.



[00:21:29] You don’t have to respond back to everything I ask. I just, I still know that you’re out there and then we’re connecting and you continue to listen. So, um, that’s a good sign. If there’s anything you would like me to do differently, let me know. If it’s something like slow down my speech, which I do get requested to do every once in a while. I can’t. It’s impossible. I have not even had any coffee today. This is just the way I talk. I’m sorry, but anything else? I’m willing to take suggestions, so thank you my friends and I wish you very happy and sweet writing. 



[00:22:09] Thanks so much for joining me on this episode of “How do you, Write?” You can reach me on Twitter, https://twitter.com/RachaelHerron, or at my website, rachaelherron.com. You can also support me on Patreon and get essays on living your creative life for as little as a buck an essay at https://www.patreon.com/rachael spelled R, A C H, A, E, L and do sign up for my free weekly newsletter of encouragement to writers at http://rachaelherron.com/write/ Now, go to your desk and create your own process.

Get to writing my friends.

The post Ep. 148: Rachael on Making Changes appeared first on R. H. HERRON.

Venice Dreams, Again

I dream about being in Venice more than anywhere else. Yesterday, in real life, I was toying with leading a retreat next year somewhere that is not Venice. Last night, Venice showed up in my dreams. In my very-frequent Venice dreams, I’m usually fighting to get into the city, just outside the gates (there are no gates) and unable to push my way in.

This time, though, I was inside the city, and being presented with places I could live while there. A small apartment in a twisted house, or a whole deck of a boat. It’s as if Venice herself said, we must seduce her back to us. 

And Venice, wily courtesan that she is, would do that. She has zero interest in me when I’m just another willing and ready lover, one of many millions over her long reign. But when I turn around and start to look elsewhere, she courts me with dreams that have thinly-veiled hostility as their background music. The theme of the dreams was that even though I might get to stay, I was doing it wrong, as my dreams so often insist. 

They say that all the characters in your dreams are you. Venice is a major and frequent character in my dreams, so how is she me? Or how am I her? 

Oh, damn, it’s almost too easy, isn’t it? That just took thirty seconds of thought. My dreams are never clever. They’re often complex, but when I take the time to look at them, they’re obvious. Tsunamis mean I’m scared that I’m not in control. Packing for the airport while running late means I’m trying to do too much with too little time. 

Venice dreams, when I either can’t get in or can’t stay is obvious, too: The cherished, valuable, beautiful center of myself—the one that I want desperately to believe in and to experience—either hides away or chucks me out. I’m not worthy. 

Honestly, I don’t think I’m worthy of Venice. Who is? Beyonce and Lizzo and Audrey Hepburn and Cleopatra. Perhaps. 

But I am worthy of hanging out in the beautiful center of myself. I’m worthy of seeing its lights and sparks reflected back to me in the water. To myself, in this body, I am Venice. I hold all the sparkle and when fireworks go off over the water, I’m magnificent, and worthy.

The post Venice Dreams, Again appeared first on R. H. HERRON.

Ep. 147: Amy Rigby on Memoir Writing, Songwriting, and Tending Bar

AMY RIGBY is a songwriter, musician and performer. Her most recent album The Old Guys was voted one of the top 100 albums of 2018 in the Pazz & Jop US music critics’ poll. Her memoir Girl To City will be published October 8th. She plays her songs all over the world and writes online at diaryofamyrigby.wordpress.com. She lives with her husband and sometime duet partner Wreckless Eric in New York’s Hudson Valley. When she isn’t touring, she pours beer and sells books at The Spotty Dog in Hudson.

How Do You Write Podcast: Explore the processes of working writers with bestselling author Rachael Herron. Want tips on how to write the book you long to finish? Here you’ll gain insight from other writers on how to get in the chair, tricks to stay in it, and inspiration to get your own words flowing.

Join Rachael’s Slack channel, Onward Writers.

Rachael’s author assistant, Ed, can be reached at EdwardGiordano@gmail.com and he’s awesome!

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An Addiction to Guilt

Self-critical scripts are actually addictive, says neuroscientist Alex Korb, author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time. ‘Guilt, shame and self-pity activate the reward circuitry in the brain. The only way out of this addictive loop is to practice radical self-compassion instead.’

The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, Catherine Gray

Guilt and shame and self-pity activate the reward circuitry? This explains so much. Self-pity isn’t normally a big difficulty for me, but guilt and shame are hard-wired into me.

When the cosmos or god – or simply my mother – was knitting me together it went in this order: guilt, shame, bones, blood, organs, sugar cravings, brain, nerves, and then everything else like my almost-nonexistent little toenails and my ability to leap on and off slippery rocks in tide pools. 

It feels good to have guilt?

I feel guilty for being so relieved that guilt feels rewarding. This is a true thing that just happened. 

Instead of spending years boggling over this, I’m doing two things: ordering that Alex Korb book mentioned above, and concentrating on practicing radical self-compassion instead. (Oh, yes, as if it’s a switch I hadn’t noticed before! Self-compassion, activate! Done! WAIT, WHERE IS THAT SWITCH?) 

I can never remember what self-compassion looks like.

I work too much – I feel guilt. I work too little – I feel shame. I have fleeting balance in my life for a day or two? I spend a moment feeling pleased about it, and then I panic because I surely can’t be balanced again tomorrow. 

The knowledge that I’m okay and that I’m in exactly the right place, right now, with all the detritus of life around me – to me, that’s self-compassion. 

Meditation lets me remember this. Writing, like this, brings it out of my fingertips and reminds me. 

Clara needs a bath – she’s stinky. I haven’t brought our finances up to date in more than a month. I need to change the cat litter on the porch because I used that junk cheap stuff. I owe a lot of people a lot of thoughtful emails. My laundry needs folding. I have something that needs to be revised by Monday. There are so many dishes in the sink. 

And I refuse to feel guilt or shame around any of this.

That’s not where I want to get my dopamine hits (even if, apparently, I often do. The above list was fun to write in a sick way). 

My happiness, when I remember, comes from the knowledge that none of this stuff matters.  I’m here, and here is all I have, and I notice it all, the good and the bad. That’s enough. I’m enough. That’s self-compassion. 

I’m enough. 

Speaking of enough, I’m going to post more here and let you know about it on social media. I’m not polishing the pieces – perfection is the enemy of done. I just miss blogging. So hi.

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Ep. 146: Jennifer Loudon on Writing and Your Emotional Immune System

Jennifer Louden is a personal growth pioneer who helped launch the concept of self-care with her first best-selling book The Woman’s Comfort Book. Since then, she’s written six additional books on well-being and whole living, with a million copies of her books in print in nine languages. Jennifer has spoken around the U.S., Canada, and Europe, and has written a national magazine column for Martha Stewart magazine. Plus, she’s been profiled or quoted in dozens of major magazines, two of Brené Brown’s books Daring Greatly and Dare to Lead, appeared on hundreds of TV, radio shows and podcasts, and even on Oprah.

Jennifer has been teaching women’s writing and self-care retreats since 1992 and creating vibrant online communities and innovative learning experiences since 2000. She married the love of her life at 50 and is profoundly proud to be mom to Lillian and bonus mom to Aidan.

How Do You Write Podcast: Explore the processes of working writers with bestselling author Rachael Herron. Want tips on how to write the book you long to finish? Here you’ll gain insight from other writers on how to get in the chair, tricks to stay in it, and inspiration to get your own words flowing. 

Join Rachael’s Slack channel, Onward Writers.

TRANSCRIPT

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Stolen Things

I’ve been practicing gratitude for a while now, and on certain days, I have so damn much of it that it feels like I could drown in joy. (Other days, of course, are normal, with mosquitoes and flat tires and bad choices and rotten bananas. But today is not that kind of day.)

Today my first thriller, Stolen Things, comes out.

And all I can think is: it finally happened.

I wrote the 911 dispatcher book I’d always wanted to write. My agent, who is so smart and persistent and loyal, helped me uncover what it was meant to be. It was bought by an incredible editor who got it. Behind her, she had a team at Dutton/Penguin that has completely knocked me out with their care and savvy and excitement.

Today, this book of my heart goes out into the world.

I have to admit, I’m nervous. It’s not a sweet romance. It’s not a book about family secrets.

It’s a book about the really real stuff.

BookPage says, “the book confronts a slew of today’s issues – such as police brutality against black people, #MeToo, institutional scandal and sexual orientation- with pathos and conviction. Chapters are short, emotional bursts of energy that fuel the quest for answers. Each side is given credence and receives critique.”

I love that last line. I did try to make the book show all sides, because life is messy and confusing.

Through that all, I got to show Laurie and Jojo, a mother-daughter team that I absolutely loved writing. There’s nothing like the ferocity of a mother’s love. Luckily, daughters learn that same fierceness at their mother’s jaws.

I hope you love Jojo and Laurie as much as I do. Enjoy.

Three! (And Breaking Six Figures)

Today is the third anniversary of my self-employment.

Honestly, y’all, I didn’t know if I would still be self-employed three years after starting this full-time gig. When I quit my day job, which I’d had for 17 years, I wondered if I would have to go back to it, tail between my legs. In fact, for the first two months after I left, I stayed on as a part-time employee, available to fill-in for emergencies.

I only ever went in twice, and after the second time, I got the mother of all migraines. As I left that day, I told my boss to complete my severance paperwork.

And I’ve never regretted that, and not once.

I honestly can’t believe that I get to do this for a living. And such a good living! I am good with words but bad with numbers, so it wasn’t until I got my taxes done last week that I realized I’d broken six figures in 2018!

Now, the majority of that is hustle, not book money. You can hear exactly how I made all my 2018 money in this podcast.

I said in that podcast that I made $10,000 from retreats, which is true, but that was net. I actually grossed $30,000, and that’s what put me over into the six-figure bracket.

There are people, I know, who think I’m gauche to talk about my actual numbers (they have felt free to tell me!). But that’s completely okay. There should be more transparency in this industry, and God knows, if I was just starting out, I’d be looking for people to tell me the truth about what they made and how they struggled and how they were victorious. I’d also want to know about their failures, which is why I feel free to tell you about mine, too!

And truth: I only brought home about $42k after expenses and taxes, but I needed to make $36k to survive, and that’s more! Huzzah! (This is also transparency. I recently heard a 7-figure writer talk about his income, and I wondered how much he spent on ads – I spent less than $3k because I get nervous about ads. I should probably be a bit more aggressive. Someday.)

Mostly, I’m just so grateful. I’m grateful to the very middle of each of my bones. I’m soaking in and made of gratitude. 

This morning, I wrote 4000 words in the Mills College tea shop. That was above my goal, so I felt pretty good about it. Knowing that this was my third anniversary, I had left my day pretty open aside from the necessary writing. I went to Trader Joe’s and bought a lot of groceries. (Aside, I’ve lost 12 pounds since last month’s prediabetic scare. Turns out I’m not prediabetic, but you definitely shouldn’t mainline three Cadbury Creme eggs an hour before you get a cholesterol test. And I have to mention I credit most of the weight loss to the fact that I’m tracking my food intake for the first time in my life. What gets measured you manage.)

Then I kind of had nothing to do.

Usually my days are booked from literal sunup to literal sundown. I’m a planner, and I like to know how I’m going to spend each hour. That doesn’t allow for much spontaneity, but it does mean I’m productive, which I have to be when I hustle for so many different income streams.

Today though? I called a best friend after I bought approximately 40 tons of broccoli from TJ’s, and sat at her kitchen table, drinking tea. We talked about books and life and the world, and I thought to myself, “this is part of my job. I can’t write if I don’t live.”

So I’m grateful, so very grateful for every moment I’m given. As I write this, Dozy is sitting on my lap and licking off my coconut-oil hand cream. Clara is snoring. Soon, I’m going to take a nap, because I have time to do that today.

I don’t take any of this for granted. And that makes it all the more lovely.

Happy three to me!

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Happy Sober Birthday To Me (my story)

One year ago today, I wrote in my journal, “I am an alcoholic.”

Then I wrote, “F*CK.” You see, I’d been writing in my journal for months about how I couldn’t be one (because that’s what non-alcoholics do – ha!).

Reasons I couldn’t be an alcoholic:

1. I’d never gotten a DUI.

2. I’d never lost a thing, not a house, not a car, not a relationship, not even my phone or wallet.

3. I’d written 20+ books to critical acclaim.

4. I didn’t drink in the morning. I rarely drank in the afternoons.

5. I didn’t get the shakes on the few days that I didn’t drink.

6. I hardly ever blacked out.

7. I just really liked wine, that was all.

8. No one in my life thought my drinking was a problem (not even my wife or closest friends).

9. I could MAKE myself have just a glass or two (when I out, when I had to drive).

I was good! I was fine! I wasn’t an alcoholic! I’d told myself that for so long I almost believed it. Until I couldn’t believe it anymore.

Alcoholism came on me fast.

I’d always been a GOOD drinker. I could outdrink most of my friends, including Irish men. I loved to drink but only on the weekends. I could NOT drink if I needed to. Then in 2016, I quit my day job of 17 years, and said to myself, “Self, you’re 43 years old. If you’re not an alcoholic now, you’ll never be one! You can totes have some wine every night, like normal people do. Bottoms up!”

So I started having a glass or two of wine every night. Within 2.5 years, it was a bottle and a half (or more) every night. Every single morning I woke up and said I wouldn’t drink that night. Every single night brought an excuse that made it okay for me to break that promise. I was tired. I wasn’t tired. I was happy. I was sad. I had something to celebrate. I had nothing to celebrate. ANYTHING was an excuse. I tried to give myself rules. No more than 12 drinks a week. Nothing but wine. Nothing but beer. Nothing but celebratory Scotch and only when I’d earned it. Never drink alone.

Nothing worked. I was a boring drunk, and just drank till I got sleepy every night. (This is what I called what I was doing. But really, I was just a control freak who could time my passing out every night precisely to bedtime.) I drank a little before Lala got home from work and opened a “fresh” bottle of wine when she got home as if it were an idea I’d just come up with.

I COULD NOT STOP.

I made a solemn vow to myself in my journal to get help if I couldn’t keep my drinking to 12 units of alcohol a week (this is considered heavy drinking for women, but it was what I was okay with). A shot is 1.4 units. A bottle of wine has 10 units. I was drinking a bottle to a bottle and a half on normal nights, telling myself it was 4-6 drinks. It was actually 10-15 units per NIGHT.

After I almost tanked a work thing at a prestigious writing conference because I was too hungover to remember what I needed to do, I hit my personal bottom, but only because that’s where I stopped digging. I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. I was holding the whole world on my shoulders, and I hated the person I’d become. I lived in a fog of near-constant self-loathing, a self-hatred that I disguised so well that the people nearest me didn’t know who I really was or how I felt.

I admitted in my journal that I was an alcoholic for the first time at 9am on February 20, 2018. I was in my first recovery meeting three hours later. Alcoholism had come on me fast, in less than three years (or we could argue that I’d had it all along, and it didn’t bloom until I drank more often).

The first three months of recovery were grueling. The last year has been challenging. It’s not easy. But it’s pretty damn simple. I go to meetings. In between, I don’t drink (or use weed or sleeping pills, other crutches I’d used to numb myself).

And it’s been, literally, THE BEST YEAR IN MY LIFE. Not because everything’s gone right – no. A man died underneath my hands as I gave him CPR after he was struck by a car. A relative I loved killed himself. We had to go into our savings to pay the bills. I worked too much and didn’t make enough money. BUT I DIDN’T DRINK. I was present. I felt my feelings (which I didn’t recognize – I couldn’t remember feeling feelings as an adult. This is all new to me, this sitting with what’s going on and just being with it). I’ve made so many close, sweet, necessary friendships that I can’t imagine not having. I have a community of people who love me as I am, a community I love.

Most astonishingly and most importantly, I’ve come into contact with something greater than myself.

I can’t name it, nor do I want to. I certainly don’t ascribe to the idea a bearded God who watches from on high, but the universe has folded itself around me in love, and I know there’s something out there.

Meditation and prayer are a part of my daily life, giving me so much sweet relief. I use Tarot as a way to see into my subconscious, and the cards often make me laugh, like they did this morning, as I asked the cards (which I believe are ordered by that same universal Higher Power) to tell me what today would mean for me. I drew Death (a wonderful card, the symbol of complete transformation, the leaving of an old way of life behind and the start of a new one) and the Three of Cups (the card of community, celebration, friendship, and creativity, all the things I’ve found in sobriety). I laughed in joy as the cards showed their gorgeous faces.

I’m a new person.

I’m more grateful than I’ve ever been. It’s one day at a time, and the time I’ve been sober doesn’t actually matter, but I’m choosing to honor this day that reminds me of where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going.

(If you’re in need of help, please reach out to someone, to me or to another trusted person. Not a single one of us can get sober and stay sober alone. I love you. I see you. I am you. We are everywhere (you’d be surprised), and we’re holding you in the light.)

PS – I’m not actually admitting I’m part of any of the recovery groups that depend on anonymity for their continued success. I’m just suggesting such groups are out there, and that they might help some people. And maybe I got a 1-year chip from someone whose name I will not share but is a person I love.

Uniform Project

The uniform project is great so far! I’ve been carrying out my mission to not have to think about my clothing since about mid-December (I always get big ideas at the end of a year and then I can’t resist starting early).

The project is related to my #DepthYear that I’m focusing on this year – saving money and staying close to home and the things I already have. Know what I have a lot of? Black dresses.

I LOVE black dresses. I love LBDs that are barely decent and long heavy dresses that make me look like I’m escaping a cult. I like clingy sexy V-neck dresses and wide tent dresses. If it’s black and somewhat fits, I like it.

(Well,  most of the time I like all black dresses. I actually sent an email to Wool&, offering to take them up on their offer of a free Rowena dress if you would document wearing it every day for 100 days in a row (wash and dry overnight when needed, which wool needs less than other fabrics). They sent me one. Sadly, I did not like it at all. I’m a 44 chest, and it’s not made for ladies with ladies. It looked more like a too-short, ill-fitting tunic. I sent it back, with regret. I was TOTALLY going to brag my face off about getting a free $128 dress and wearing the same thing for 100 days in a row. But nope.)

I just have one rule:

Until the heat of summer, when I’ll start wearing my lightweight summer dresses, I’m wearing a black dress/tunic every day.

I can dress it up or down any way I like. This is me the other day in layers.

The leggings are actually polka dot and the boots are Frye shimmer boots, but the picture doesn’t pick up on the AWESOMENESS of that combo. (I’m not allowed to buy new things this year, but that’s okay because I have so many great things already due to the online shopping habit that got me to the point of needing a uniform project).

Look, I just feel better when I look like a Unitarian witch skating on the edge of toddler-grandma style. Dresses are COMFY. You never have to suck in your belly! (Nor should you anyway! Your belly is soft and rad! We love your belly!) The only time I’m not wearing this uniform is when I’m at home or working out, when I’m in leggings and a T-shirt.

The uniform project makes me feel great. I finally feel like myself ALL THE TIME. I’m sturdy in my boots, unknockoverable. My belly is round and happy. My calves are happy. My body is mine. 

And no one notices I’m wearing (almost) the same thing every day, because people don’t care what you wear. They really don’t. So sweetheart, let yourself be your favorite kind of you.

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