Marty Nemko's Blog, page 438

Marty Nemko Talks (and Jokes) on The Daily Show about Alternatives to College

Last night, I was on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.



What was amazing to me is that they recorded five hours of interview with me about higher education's deceptive practices and about alternatives to college. During those five hours, I made a total of three jokes. All three made it into the segment.



Of course, I don't mind at all. The creators of The Daily Show are masters at making serious messages funny without trivializing them.




The Daily Show with Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Stay Out of School
www.thedailyshow.com


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Looking for a Career? Pick Something Already!

My AOL post today ostensibly is tough-love career advice for Millennials.





Actually, it's far more broadly applicable. It reflects my growing recognition, after a quarter century as a career counselor, that it's foolish to spend too much time trying to pick the perfect career.



After just modest exploration, pick something, commit to becoming expert at it, and then make peace with it, recognizing that all ethically done work is worthy work. I'd go as far as saying that all ethically done work is sacred. 




Indeed, some of society's least respected work--for example, ditchdigging--in my mind is more worthy of respect than are the famous entertainers so many people idolize. 

I piano-accompany Napa Funny Girl stars Taylor Bartolucci and James Sasser

Rarely have I had as much fun on my radio show as yesterday. I got to piano-accompany the two fabulous stars of Funny Girl, which opens this Friday at the Napa Valley Opera House.



HERE is the video of them (Taylor Bartolucci as Fanny Brice and James Sasser as Nicky Arnstein) doing the duet, I Want to Be Seen With You.



And HERE is the video of Taylor singing I'm the Greatest Star.



Oh, I might mention that my wife Barbara Nemko will be playing the comic relief role in Funny Girl: Sarah Straykosh, a busybody force of nature from Brooklyn.



And for the hour before the show on Friday, Saturday, and the following Saturday, I'll be playing  Broadway show medleys on the piano as well as accompanying James Sasser and the winners of the


I've heard reports from rehearsals that the show is going to be wonderful. One person said, "This is going to be the best show seen in Napa, ever." For tickets and information, click HERE.



My radio show focuses on career issues so the bulk of the hour was spent asking them as well as Funny Girl's excellent director, Barry Martin about the art of trying to make money in theatre. HERE is the link to the entire show, which is archived on the National Public Radio website.

Finding a Career: A quick but not dirty approach

My USNews.com article today is Speedy Career-Finding: a quick but not dirty approach. 



Many people spend decades trying to choose a career. I believe this article's approach, though quick, enables you to choose more wisely than do most people.

You May Be Wise to LOWER Your Self-Confidence

I am of the belief that self-confidence,
beyond a bare minimum, is more likely to abet complacency and even narcissism than to make people more productive.



Most highly productive people often that they're not good enough--That's part of what drives them to keep striving. From George Washington to Abraham Lincoln to most of the many highly accomplished
people I know, they're all driven by moderate insecurity and feelings of unworthiness. I hypothesize that lower achievers are too unintelligent, defended, and/or unjustifiably self-confident to feel that worry, that insecurity.



I believe that self-esteem programs do more harm than good. Enduring self-esteem only comes from ongoing accomplishment, not by virtue of being human, of a particular cultural background, etc.






When I write and speak, in my professional as well as personal life, I often worry if it's good enough. More broadly, I worry whether, en toto, my life's contributions are valuable enough. I'm not worried into anxiety or depression but just enough that the worry, born of only moderate self-confidence. does help me be my best self.

"Six Fresh Ideas for a Budding Entrepreneur" named "This Week's Best"

I was browsing the New York Times online tonight when I was surprised and honored to see one of my U.S. News articles, Six Fresh Ideas for a Budding Entrepreneur named  This Week's Best.   (To see that, scroll to the bottom.)

Hail-Mary Thank You Letters

Sending a thank-you letter after a job interview is standard operating procedure but rarely helps you stand out from the pack.



My post today on AOL.com, Hail Mary Thank You Letters, offers some risky tactics that could put the final nail in your application coffin or give you a prayer.

Making Colleges Accountable: College Scorecard Version 2.0

I continue to try to make the case for requiring college to post a substantive report card on themselves as a condition of receiving federal financial aid. Today, I make that point in the San Francisco Chronicle's Sunday Magazine, Insight.



The article also includes seven questions you should ask a college or graduate admission person before agreeing to attend.

Video of How I Create My Columns and Posts

Last week, I gave a talk to the Napa Valley Writers Association on how I write columns.



Instead of just telling people how I write a column, I actually created a mini-column in 15 minutes, while saying aloud my thought process, in the moment.



Although nearly all the attendees were fiction writers, a number of them came up to me and said that it will greatly improve even their fiction writing.



Afterward, someone who couldn't attend, wrote to ask me if I'd be willing to make a video of that presentation. Here it is below.



Because I'm too busy and/or lazy, I didn't do it carefully. I just sat in front of my webcam and let 'er rip. Although it's unedited and the first few minutes of the demo are not visible, just audible, I'm hoping that you'll find this a useful 1/2-hour writing lesson.

You Pay a Big Price When You Interrupt

In conversation, you pay an enormous price every time you interrupt:


It makes the person feel invalidated and thus more likely closed to what you have to say.
It makes the person feel you're rude and thus less likely to support you in anything.
You are making your point when their mind is still focused on what they were saying. As a result, the person may not even fully hear what you're saying.

We rationalize the value of interrupting:


We think it saves time---After all, we're confident we know what they're going to say. Usually but not always we're right but, for the reasons above, we're less likely to obtain the desired result than if we let the person finish talking. True, you can cram more ideas into a conversation by interrupting but that's a poor metric for assessing the conversation's value. What counts is whether behavior change results, and with that metric, you save time by not interrupting.
We think interrupting shows we're motivated, that we care. More likely, it's interpreted as that we can't control ourselves. 
We think that interrupting shows we're smart. It may but the value of that is outweighed by the above negatives. 

If you truly care about being effective, showing that you care about others, and that you are not narcissistic, you will promise yourself that from now on, you will not interrupt, period. Indeed, when someone finishes talking, you will wait a full second before speaking. That makes the person feel you really were listening rather than just waiting for them to finish so you could offer your pearls. It also allows their mind to clear so it's available to truly process what you're going to say.



The no-interrupt/wait-a-second rule also applies to meetings. Often the person who hangs back until the end of a discussion and then, carefully, tactfully, makes a comment will be taken more seriously than the person who has peppered the discussion with comments, especially if s/he interrupted others. 



Of course, if you're an inveterate interrupter, changing is much easier said than done. I believe your best chances of succeeding are:


Establish a zero-tolerance policy: No interrupting, under any circumstance. It's much more likely that you'll make progress with that all-or-nothing policy than if you try to ease off. Having to decide, in the moment, whether to interrupt, is just too difficult.
Tell someone close to you that you're trying to develop a new habit: not interrupting and that you'd appreciate it if every time you interrupt, they not complain but simply raise one finger. That's a quick, minimally threatening way to give you feedback.  Tell them that if they see you jotting things on a memo pad while you're conversing it's because it makes you less likely to interrupt because you won't fear forgetting what you were going to say.

Learning to stop interrupting is crucial but a difficult habit to break. I speak from personal experience. The good news is that you needn't be perfect. If you interrupt, forgive yourself but get back on that wagon. You will reap enormous professional and personal benefits.