Marty Nemko's Blog, page 401

Thoughts On Aging, Dying, and Legacy

I thought you might like an advance look at my next column in the Mensa publication, The Intelligencer. It includes the best ideas that were in my seven recent PsychologyToday.com articles on aging.


Thoughts About Aging, Dying, and Legacy 

My mom died recently, which triggered thoughts about aging, dying, and legacy. Here are some of them. 
Make each heartbeat count.  When your second parent dies, it makes too clear that you’re moving toward the end of life’s conveyer belt. Most people, when told they have a few months to live, play more, work less. But consider Francis Crick, co-discoverer of the genomic double helix who worked in his hospital bed on the day he died of cancer. Similarly, Isaac Asimov had written 450 books and was asked, “If you had six months to live, what would you do?” His answer: Type faster.
Indeed, a surprising number of people I know would rather work until the end. You might ask why? Imagine there were two clones of you, both with months left to live. One mainly played video games and golf. The other mainly did the most societally beneficial work possible: continuing on the job, mentoring, writing a helpful blog, etc. Obviously, the latter’s life was more meaningful. 
Give wisely. Donate to a charity where dollars have big ripple effects, for example,  a nonprofit serving needy gifted kids such as Supporting the Emotional Needs of Gifted(SENG.) As Mensans know, high-IQ people have great but sometimes unrealized potential to make a difference in the world.
Check out this New York Times article for more guidance on how to give wisely. 
Think three times before retiring. Yes, some people love retirement but many don’t. They’re bored, feel useless, and have difficulty being with their spouse so much. They may also outlive their retirement. You can always retire later but if once you retire, it’s like the Roach Motel: You can check in but you can’t check out. 
Forgive yourself.  Most people, as they get older, decline physically and mentally. For example, they may develop a case of CRS: can’t remember stuff. Forgive yourself. Your decline is usually compensated for by your experience and, ideally, wisdom. 
Have a bulletproof will or trust. Some seemingly nice people, when money is at stake, will try to overturn a will. You might start with a do-it-yourself one, for example, using WillmakerPlus, but get it bulletproofed by an estate lawyer. 
Have an advance medical directive. Dying is rarely much fun. If you’re writhing in agony while being fed with a feeding tube, do you really want extraordinary measures taken to keep you alive? Without an advanced medical directive, that’s what they’ll do. My mom had such a directive and when things got bad, we put her in in-home hospice: She could live out her days at home and a nurse visited her regularly to be sure she was comfortable but they didn’t do any probing, painful procedures to extend what was already a very poor-quality life.
Make sure your will and advance medical directive are in the hands of someone you trust who’ll know when you’re incapacitated or dead. 
Plan your burial.  Many people get conservative when it comes to dying: have a separate ceremony at a funeral home and another at the gravesite. Usually expensive and unnecessary. Preplan and you’ll avoid your next of kin having to, while in grief’s throes, withstanding a funeral home salesperson pitching you a fancy funeral: “You wouldn’t want to be cheap with your mother, now would you?” Your funeral’s value is determined by the warmth of the ceremony and celebration of your life, not on how much you spent on the funeral.  My wife, when she dies, after direct burial at the cemetery, wants the attendees to come back to our house for a brief celebration of her life over food, drink and ‘50s music. 
Dying well.  We still don’t allow people to decide when to die. That strikes me as a terribly unfair intrusion of government into one of our most personal decisions. Fortunately, some physicians will give a terminally ill person a final cocktail of tranquilizers and sleeping pills. And if you can't access such a physician, a right-to-die orgnization, Final Exit Network,makes available the most comfortable ways to go. 
Marty Nemko's bio is in Wikipedia

My Favorite Quotations About Sex

I reviewed thousands of quotations about sex and found 29 that I believe are particularly worthy of your time. I aggregate them in my PsychologyToday.com article today. HERE is the link.

Making a New Friend: The many flavors of friends and how to find one that’s right for you.

Recently, a few clients to me they wish they had more friends. So I wrote today's PsychologyToday.com article on making friends. HERE is the link.

Has Life Been Unfair to You? Five tools for getting past the anger and disappointment.

It seems like some people have all the luck. And if that's not you, it's easy to feel sorry for yourself. 

My PsychologyToday.com article today offers a path upward. HERE is the link.

Asking the Right Questions: A potent tool for enhancing your professional and personal life.

Ask a question and you not only obtain desired information but show you’re interested in what the person has to say. The right question can be particularly potent in abetting you, professionally and personally.

My PsychologyToday.com article today offers useful questions to ask your boss, someone you're interviewing--from a shrink to a college admission officer, to a salesperson, to a romantic partner.

HERE is the link.

Human Genome Editing A breakthrough toward curing AIDS, depression…and augmenting normal humans?

The current issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reports that an approach to human genome editing, a gene therapy, may "provide a viable path toward a permanent cure for AIDS and a means to vaccinate against other pathogenic viruses.”
My PsychologyToday.com article today explores the issues likely to derive as gene therapy becomes more of a reality. HERE is the link.

Grappling with Aging: Remarkable honesty from people in their 60s and 70s

Thanks to the confidentiality of my career and personal coaching practice, I’ve been privileged to hear hundreds of older people speak candidly about their aging: their cognitive functioning, energy, memory, work fears, sexuality, health worries, and so on.
My PsychologyToday.com article today offers composites of their disclosures. HERE is the link.

Making Dating Sites Work for You

In theory, dating websites are an efficient way to find Mr. or Ms. Right. Alas, poor vetting of potential matches and deceptive profiles and photos have caused more mismatches than matches. 
My PsychologyToday.com article today shows to improve your results. HERE is the link.

Top Ten Apps for Making Your Life Easier

We’re more mobile and we want apps. And now massive numbers of them are available, mostly for free. But which will be most useful to you? 

With millions of apps available, no one can honestly assert that any ten are the very best. But my PsychologyToday.com article today offers a link to 10 apps, each of which have stood the test of time and been updated again and again, certainly can make almost anyone’s life much easier. HERE is the link.

MOOCs: The Best Way to Learn Anything? And They’re Cheap or Free!

Regular readers of this blog know that I believe that the most cost- and time-efficient way to learn is to read articles (largely emanating from Google searches) perhaps guided by a mentor. 



I view the course, let alone the degree, as overrated because courses teach masses of content, much of which you don’t need or will have forgotten when needed, at a level and pace defined by the teacher, not you.


That said, many people need the structure of school to stay motivated and/or want a piece of paper to show employers that they’ve taken X courses. For such people, I believe that  Massive Open Online Courses (MOOCs) may be a wise option. And that’s not just because they’re free or very low-cost. I make the seemingly unreasonable assertion that you may get a better education than you could have gotten for hundreds of thousands of dollars at a Harvard or Stanford. 
In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I make the case and offer links to sites where you can find the right MOOCs for you. HERE is the link.