Marty Nemko's Blog, page 226

Corona Chuckles: My 31 faves

Laughter may not be the best medicine when it comes to corona, (the disease, not the beer), but a little gallows humor couldn’t hurt. It might even cut your cortisol. Here are my favorite corona chuckles:





2. Once they come out with a coronavirus vaccine, I don’t want to see any of you antivaxxers getting one. Don’t be a hypocrite!3.





4. Prediction: There will be a baby boom in nine months, and then one day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of the Quaranteens.5.





6. If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper, you probably needed to see a doctor long before COVID-19.

7.



8. QUARANTINE DIARY: Day 1: I stocked up on enough food and supplies to last months so I can remain in isolation until the pandemic passes. Day 2: I went to the supermarket because I needed chocolate.9.





10. A couple of weeks in isolation with the family. What could possibly go wrong?11.





12. It’s reassuring that even amid the shortages, some people have the sense to not buy buffalo hummus nor chocolate hummus.13.





14. It’s funny how no store is sold out of essential oils.





15. Remember on New Year’s Eve, how we were like, 2020’s gonna be the best year yet?16. Day 1 of Quarantine: I’m going to do body-weight training. Day 3: Poured ice cream into the pasta.17. Dating in the Corona era. 1st date: Skype. 2nd date: phone sex. 3rd date: Screw the rules, come over.18. The Coronavirus is God punishing us for the Cats movie19. What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.20. You know who buys up all the toilet paper? Assholes.21. I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.23. Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.24. I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.25. What do ou call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst kase scenario.26. Back in my day you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.27. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.28. The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.29. Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re shit out of luck.30. So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.31. 2020: Cancelled

Substance Abuse in the Era of Coronavirus

With more time on our hands and more stress in our lives, substance abuse is an increased risk.

As with a headache, the treatment depends on the cause. In my Psychology Today article today, I describe five causes of substance abuse and an approach to each.

Tough Problems: Living with Coronavirus Restrictions: Avoiding weight-gain while home, talking with your kids about COVID-19

This is the latest in the Tough Problems series. In each, I offer a response to two composite client questions.

In the first, the person is worried about gaining weight because she's forced to be home most of the time. 

The second letter asks how to talk with a child about coronavirus. 

My Sheltery Diary: Thoughts and feelings on my first days of "sheltering in place"

My Psychology Today article today describes my musings after my first few days of being required to "shelter in place"---the rule for all Californians.

Tough Problems—Living in the time of coronavirus: cabin fever, job hunting

This is the latest in the Tough Problems series. In each, I present two composite questions that my clients face and my response to each.

The first is from someone already getting cabin fever from being told to stay home as much as possible. The second is from someone who's been furloughed because his employer can now no-longer make payroll. 

Honor Your Mother and Father?

In these tough coronavirus times, we need to find the positives everywhere we can.

It seems like half my clients blame their parents for their malaise. “He called me stupid.” “She ignored me.” “They were overprotective.”

And indeed, much psychotherapy involves the search for parental causation of the client’s unhappiness.

In a small attempt at providing balance, my PsychologyToday.com article today offers questions that should unearth positives in your parents and guardians that can enhance your life or at least provide a bit of additional peace of mind as we go through the coronacrisis.

A Shortcut to Happiness?

Joy is hard to sustain. It tends to exist not for hours, let alone for years, but for just a moment—distilled happiness.
Listing your life’s joyous moments and keeping them in in a prominent place can be a balm in tough, even scary times. In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I offer an easy way to unearth your life's best moments.

Tough Problems: Wants to lose weight, wants to gain weight.

This is the latest in the Tough Problems series. In each installment, I present two composite questions that my clients face and my response to each.

The first is a person wanting to lose weight, the second about a person who wants to gain.

Tough Problems: Appearance. Caring too much? Caring too little?

This is the latest in the Tough Problems series. In each installment, I present two composite questions that my clients face and my response to each.

The first asks whether 90 minutes a day on hair and makeup is too much. The second spends virtually no time and wonders if that's too little. 

Tough Problems—Sex: Fear of removing one's clothes, fear of making advances

This is the latest in the Tough Problems series. In each installment, I present two composite questions that my clients face and my response to each.

In the first, someone who has gained weight is nervous about taking off her clothes in front of a new sex partner. In the second, in light of the "rape culture"/#metoo focus on many college campuses, a college student who is "very sexual" is afraid of making unwanted advances.